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Teens need a space where they can share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or exposure.
And parents play a key role in creating that space at home, showing they can be trusted with personal opinions and deep, complex emotions. Reddit user Fun-Tomorrow1710 recently shared a story that highlights just how fragile these bonds can be. In the post, the dad describes ongoing tension in his family and blames his wife for repeatedly exposing their daughter’s private life to friends and relatives.
The gossip has ruined their household, and now everyone keeps their distance, with the daughter confiding only in her dad while her mother feels increasingly shut out.
RELATED:
Parents can help their teens navigate crushes and relationships, but only if they’ve earned their kid’s trust
Image credits: DC Studio / freepik (not the actual photo)
This dad is fed up with his wife constantly spilling their daughter’s secrets as if they were scenes from a sitcom
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: vgstockstudio / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Fun-Tomorrow1710
The way parents get along with their teens will affect their later lives as well
Image credits: prostooleh / Freepik (not the actual photo)
We don’t know everything about the mother, so we can give her the benefit of the doubt. Her oversharing might be due to a very human need—the desire to feel connected, supported, and seen.
Plus, while adolescence has always been complicated, a lot of changes—social media; an uncertain and increasingly unsafe-feeling world; radical shifts in gender, workplace, and family structure; and more—have happened since she was a teen, and the woman might not fully understand how her daughter’s environment is different from the one she had when she was her age.
But these nuances don’t diminish her agency. She is still a mother who needs to be the best version of herself for her daughter. “Having healthy relationships within the family is important for healthy … development, both in terms of maintaining secure attachment and modeling future intimate relationships,” psychiatrist Grant Hilary Brenner explained.
“In order for this to happen, adolescents have to feel safe enough, even when embarrassed or scared of punishment, to approach parents. Families in which parent-child relations are disrupted put adolescents at future risk for a variety of problems, including emotional abuse in adult relationships.”
A 2022 study employed latent class analysis to examine 332 adolescents’ strategies for managing information shared with their parents, focusing on disclosure, secrecy, and lying. The study identified three distinct patterns:
Communicators (36%): These teens frequently disclosed information to both parents, perceived high levels of parental involvement and autonomy support, and had autonomous reasons for disclosure.
Reserved (37%): This group disclosed information to mothers but less frequently to fathers, indicating a selective approach to sharing.
Deceptive (27%): The teenagers in this category often kept secrets and lied to both parents, reported low levels of parental involvement and autonomy support, and had less autonomous reasons for disclosure.
The researchers also discovered the deceptive class were more likely to engage in problematic alcohol use.
So by pushing her daughter away from honest conversations, the mom is jeopardizing more than their relationship.
People who read the dad’s post don’t blame him and think the mom needs to take full responsibility
mental health.” width=”700″ height=”388″ />
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What do you think ?
Trillian 4 months ago
The wife doesn't sound like a mother but rather like a teenaged school bully. Who tattles out things like that and then "cries and locks herself in the bathroom"?
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 4 months ago
The dad doesn't need to worry about the silent treatment from the soon to his ex-wife. The wife, on the other hand, needs to worry about the upcoming lifetime of silent treatment and permanent absence from her daughter! *this post is by from an experienced decades absent daughter*
Load More Replies...
UpupaEpops 4 months ago
For any underage pandas lurking around here: if your bank account was opened by a parent/guardian, once you turn 18/21 depending on your country, you need to go to the bank and ask to be switched over to an adult account AND have the parent's/guardian's access to your account revoked. This process *isn't* automatic, you need to do it yourself and most likely in person. Love, Aunty Panda, who had to find this out the hard way.
LtKernelPanic 4 months ago
Yup. Learned that one the hard way. Parents name were on my account from when I was a kid. Dad went into debt and my account got vacuumed out a week before I was to move across the country. Mom's still on the one I opened to replace that one 20 years ago because I can trust her.
Load More Replies...
Gavin Johnson 4 months ago
Father of 14 year old daughter here. Mental note to self, when privileged information is shared with me I am to ensure that I don’t use it as a weapon OR share it with others. OK got it. FFS I don’t care what age your child is, when they talk to you they are trusting that you’ll know what the difference is between what might embarrass or hurt them and what’s fine to share. Favourite colour? Yeah most likely ok to share. Favourite boy or girl at school? Be very careful, this could be a minefield. Medical history? Very select individuals are privy to this one. If you can’t tell or aren’t told then STFU!
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
You are a good dad. You sound like my dad, sadly gone these many years (he died in 2021, but had an accident in 2000, when I was 18 years old, that resulted in catastrophic brain damage, so I "lost" my dad in 2000, honestly.) I loved him immensely and I was willing to endure my mother's continuing/lifelong àbuse to stay living at home in order to be a caregiver for my dad, for 21 years. Children remember unto adulthood how they were treated while they were kids/teens. I was clinically depressed and su!cidal in my teens (started around age 12, tbh - unsurprising due to my mother àbus!ng me in every way one can àbuse a child) and my mother didn't "believe" in therapy, so my dad found a therapist for me and snuck me to the appts. Honestly, it's probably the reason why I'm still alive now XD Your daughter will be there for you through thick and thin.
Load More Replies... 
Luke Branwen 4 months ago
I know it's an unpopular opinion in the day and age where it's a trend to infantilize young adults, but 13 y/o is no longer a child. They're walking an unstable tightrope between childhood and adulthood and that means they need privacy UNCONDITIONALLY and they're no longer the uwu cute baby who is basically a parent's accessory.
patricia patricia 4 months ago
Agree with you, but even children need privacy. An event, idea or situation may be funny for you, but not so funny for your child. I know many people will find it surprising (my own mother among them) but children have private lives too, and the right to keep that privacy. I can't remember when I stopped trusting my family, but I never brought friends home or spoke too much about my stuff, because my mother (and some others) couldn't keep their mouth shut. My mother would also weaponise any information about you against you, even years after the event. I learnt not to trust others the hard way. I wish I had had somebody like this dad to support me!
Load More Replies...
Janelle Collard 4 months ago
Good for OP for protecting his daughter from her bullying, abVsive mom!
Helena 4 months ago
My mother told everyone my business all the time. All her sisters are the same way. I learned quickly the only way to keep a secret or protect yourself was to tell no one nothing. I still don't trust anyone. I walked into mom's work (where I was supposed to walk to after school) and her and her coworkers clapped and presented a cake. For my first period. I was a shy kid and cannot express to you how much this freaked me out. I never told her anything ever again. Had like 3 boyfriends in hughschool I never told her about. Never told her all my jobs or how school was going or any of my activities. Iced her out. And there were no adults around who wouldn't tell my mom everything, so I never really shared again.
Dragons Exist 4 months ago
Every single person deserves privacy, and anyone who violates someone else's privacy is automatically an asshole
Trillian 4 months ago
The wife doesn't sound like a mother but rather like a teenaged school bully. Who tattles out things like that and then "cries and locks herself in the bathroom"?
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 4 months ago
The dad doesn't need to worry about the silent treatment from the soon to his ex-wife. The wife, on the other hand, needs to worry about the upcoming lifetime of silent treatment and permanent absence from her daughter! *this post is by from an experienced decades absent daughter*
Load More Replies... UpupaEpops 4 months ago
For any underage pandas lurking around here: if your bank account was opened by a parent/guardian, once you turn 18/21 depending on your country, you need to go to the bank and ask to be switched over to an adult account AND have the parent's/guardian's access to your account revoked. This process *isn't* automatic, you need to do it yourself and most likely in person. Love, Aunty Panda, who had to find this out the hard way.
LtKernelPanic 4 months ago
Yup. Learned that one the hard way. Parents name were on my account from when I was a kid. Dad went into debt and my account got vacuumed out a week before I was to move across the country. Mom's still on the one I opened to replace that one 20 years ago because I can trust her.
Load More Replies... Gavin Johnson 4 months ago
Father of 14 year old daughter here. Mental note to self, when privileged information is shared with me I am to ensure that I don’t use it as a weapon OR share it with others. OK got it. FFS I don’t care what age your child is, when they talk to you they are trusting that you’ll know what the difference is between what might embarrass or hurt them and what’s fine to share. Favourite colour? Yeah most likely ok to share. Favourite boy or girl at school? Be very careful, this could be a minefield. Medical history? Very select individuals are privy to this one. If you can’t tell or aren’t told then STFU!
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
You are a good dad. You sound like my dad, sadly gone these many years (he died in 2021, but had an accident in 2000, when I was 18 years old, that resulted in catastrophic brain damage, so I "lost" my dad in 2000, honestly.) I loved him immensely and I was willing to endure my mother's continuing/lifelong àbuse to stay living at home in order to be a caregiver for my dad, for 21 years. Children remember unto adulthood how they were treated while they were kids/teens. I was clinically depressed and su!cidal in my teens (started around age 12, tbh - unsurprising due to my mother àbus!ng me in every way one can àbuse a child) and my mother didn't "believe" in therapy, so my dad found a therapist for me and snuck me to the appts. Honestly, it's probably the reason why I'm still alive now XD Your daughter will be there for you through thick and thin.
Load More Replies... Luke Branwen 4 months ago
I know it's an unpopular opinion in the day and age where it's a trend to infantilize young adults, but 13 y/o is no longer a child. They're walking an unstable tightrope between childhood and adulthood and that means they need privacy UNCONDITIONALLY and they're no longer the uwu cute baby who is basically a parent's accessory.
patricia patricia 4 months ago
Agree with you, but even children need privacy. An event, idea or situation may be funny for you, but not so funny for your child. I know many people will find it surprising (my own mother among them) but children have private lives too, and the right to keep that privacy. I can't remember when I stopped trusting my family, but I never brought friends home or spoke too much about my stuff, because my mother (and some others) couldn't keep their mouth shut. My mother would also weaponise any information about you against you, even years after the event. I learnt not to trust others the hard way. I wish I had had somebody like this dad to support me!
Load More Replies... Janelle Collard 4 months ago
Good for OP for protecting his daughter from her bullying, abVsive mom!
Helena 4 months ago
My mother told everyone my business all the time. All her sisters are the same way. I learned quickly the only way to keep a secret or protect yourself was to tell no one nothing. I still don't trust anyone. I walked into mom's work (where I was supposed to walk to after school) and her and her coworkers clapped and presented a cake. For my first period. I was a shy kid and cannot express to you how much this freaked me out. I never told her anything ever again. Had like 3 boyfriends in hughschool I never told her about. Never told her all my jobs or how school was going or any of my activities. Iced her out. And there were no adults around who wouldn't tell my mom everything, so I never really shared again.
Dragons Exist 4 months ago
Every single person deserves privacy, and anyone who violates someone else's privacy is automatically an asshole
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