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“Past Few Months Have Been A Nightmare”: Girl Refuses To Sacrifice Future For ‘Quarantine’ Baby
Interview With ExpertBeing an only child has its upsides. You get to enjoy the undivided attention from your parents and develop a closer bond with them. You also develop a sense of independence and self-sufficiency early in life.
So what happens when a newborn sibling suddenly comes into the picture? As this story shows, potential for chaos. A 15-year-old described it as a “nightmare” situation, having to care for their baby sister. The parents have also become reliant on their firstborn to help out with babysitting, further complicating the family dynamic.
The author has since planned out an “escape,” but wonders if it is the right thing to do.
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Some people prefer not to have siblings, having been only children their entire lives
Image credits: nataliaderiabina (not the actual image)
This teenager began struggling upon the birth of their baby sister
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual image)
The situation began to get heated when the parents wanted the author to remain living nearby
Image credits: gpointstudio (not the actual image)
Things eventually reached a boiling point as the teen began to plan an “escape”
Image credits: [deleted]
A sudden addition to the family may make a former only child feel displaced
The 15-year-old’s strong reactions to their newborn sibling may be a result of them feeling displaced within the family dynamic. According to pediatric clinical psychologist Dr. Michelle Fardella of WonderTree, it’s likely because the teenager also feels the sudden division in parental attention.
The older child may also feel like they were being thrust into a “parentified” role, according to licensed mental health counselor Danielle Wald, LMHC. Similarly, it’s also rooted in unmet needs, which may result in attention-seeking behaviors.
“The dynamic shift often involves parents asking more of the teenager, which can leave the teenager feeling like a third parent,” Wald told Bored Panda.
In the story, the author felt they were obligated to care for the newborn, especially when the parents asked them to attend a nearby school for college. The rift could’ve been prevented if the parents had instead validated their child’s feelings by “Maintaining consistent one-on-one time (such as a parent-teen date once a week or month), and including them in the transition in meaningful ways,” Dr. Fardella said, adding that it makes the teenager feel like a “valued member of the team” and not replaced by the baby.
Wald brought up an important point: discussing expectations, particularly regarding chores and responsibilities. She also emphasized that these discussions must include a “game plan” that prioritizes the older child’s needs.
In the story’s case, the parents could’ve sat down with the teen and discussed how things would change, instead of suddenly piling it all on them. For the author’s part, they could’ve expressed their emotions without lashing out.
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual image)
A few people sided with the author
Some faulted everyone involved
While many readers faulted the teenager for their “hatefulness” toward the newborn sibling
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What do you think ?
Ellinor she/they/elle 7 months ago (edited)
Well... OP "could" have said it with more Diplomacy (and the part about not seeing friends to avoid causing a risk to the baby was just basic decency), but she isn't that much of an AH. She didn't decide to be a mother at 15 but her parents still made her take that role. And now instead of the free babysitter they hoped, they have a daughter who wants to leave far from them and 2 children who probably won't get along until the youngest is at least 19 years old. So I wish the best of luck to OP and her sister, and I give a sarcastic applaud to their parents for their wonderful parenting techniques.
Gozer LeGozerian 7 months ago
That was perfectly decent and diplomatic. If they were offended, that's on them, they're clearly not able or bothered to take care of the result of their weak pull out game.
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Tabitha 7 months ago
OP should give all the YTAs her parents’ cell numbers so they can volunteer to babysit, if they’re so all up in arms about OP not wanting to be parentified at 15, ffs. OP needs to contact any reasonable relatives and move in with them.
Petra Peitsch 7 months ago (edited)
While this is right, OP needs to learn manners. You don't speak about your younger siblings in that way, no matter what. There are many other ways to avoid being parentified, without being an absolute arseloch. And this is coming from somebody, who had a surprise-brother at 9 years old., and managed not to be parentified in the 1980's, without drama. OP is more the YTA here, for his way of communication and all of his attitude towards his sibling. I won't say narcissistic sociophat, but very close ... let's say, an egoist idiot, which would backfire to him in the next 10 years.
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Pittsburgh rare 7 months ago
Parents are wrong for making her assuming that responsibility, but it's pretty clear that she *hates* her sibling. Better for everyone if she leaves
Ellinor she/they/elle 7 months ago (edited)
Well... OP "could" have said it with more Diplomacy (and the part about not seeing friends to avoid causing a risk to the baby was just basic decency), but she isn't that much of an AH. She didn't decide to be a mother at 15 but her parents still made her take that role. And now instead of the free babysitter they hoped, they have a daughter who wants to leave far from them and 2 children who probably won't get along until the youngest is at least 19 years old. So I wish the best of luck to OP and her sister, and I give a sarcastic applaud to their parents for their wonderful parenting techniques.
Gozer LeGozerian 7 months ago
That was perfectly decent and diplomatic. If they were offended, that's on them, they're clearly not able or bothered to take care of the result of their weak pull out game.
Load More Replies... Tabitha 7 months ago
OP should give all the YTAs her parents’ cell numbers so they can volunteer to babysit, if they’re so all up in arms about OP not wanting to be parentified at 15, ffs. OP needs to contact any reasonable relatives and move in with them.
Petra Peitsch 7 months ago (edited)
While this is right, OP needs to learn manners. You don't speak about your younger siblings in that way, no matter what. There are many other ways to avoid being parentified, without being an absolute arseloch. And this is coming from somebody, who had a surprise-brother at 9 years old., and managed not to be parentified in the 1980's, without drama. OP is more the YTA here, for his way of communication and all of his attitude towards his sibling. I won't say narcissistic sociophat, but very close ... let's say, an egoist idiot, which would backfire to him in the next 10 years.
Load More Replies... Pittsburgh rare 7 months ago
Parents are wrong for making her assuming that responsibility, but it's pretty clear that she *hates* her sibling. Better for everyone if she leaves
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