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Woman Starts Acting Firm With Stepdaughters Who Disrespect Her Anytime Their Bio Mom Is Around
All relationships we have in our lives present their specific difficulties. The parent-child relationship is no exception – in fact, sometimes it’s the most difficult relationship a person has throughout their life.
Well, at least the one in today’s story between a woman and her stepdaughters is definitely not an easy one. You see, it has potential to be a relatively sane one, but the girls’ biological mom, who shows up only very occasionally, tends to mess it up every time. One time, she meddled so much that it made the woman snap and become a wicked stepmother in her stepdaughters’ eyes.
More info: Reddit
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Every relationship is complicated in its own way, especially the parent-child one
Image credits: Rajiv Perera / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Like in this story, where an absentee mom keeps creating bad blood between her daughters and their stepmom
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
When she’s not around, the girls get along with their stepmom just fine; they even call her mom
Image credits: BABI / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Yet, anytime their bio mom comes around, they switch up their behavior and start acting hostile towards the woman they usually call mom
Image credits: Hot-Dragonfly-8813
So, one day, when that happened once again, the woman snapped and told the girls to never call her mom again if they think she’s such a bad stepmom
The OP’s husband has two daughters, who are 16 and 13 years old. The girls’ mom is technically in the picture, but only occasionally. She sometimes comes over, stays for a little, and then dips again.
It wouldn’t be a problem; the girls spending time with their mom isn’t inherently bad, except for the fact that anytime this woman comes over, the girls suddenly forget that they view their stepmom as a mom too.
The OP figured it just might be the girls trying to please their mom, so she tried not to take it to heart. Until one day, their mom came again, and the girls did the same thing. In addition to that, they started telling her she was a bad stepmom, in addition to saying disrespectful things to their dad and brother.
Then, the mom left, and the girls started crawling back to their stepmom with nice behavior. Yet, this time she wasn’t having it – she told them that they shouldn’t call her mom, since she no longer views them as her kids.
It’s no secret that all parent-child relationships face various strains and difficulties. From communication breakdowns and varying expectations to a lack of boundaries or excessive control, there are many ways parents can clash with their kids.
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
When it comes to stepparents, in addition to all of that, there’s also an element of blended-family dynamics that can make everything even more complicated. Here, as this article points out, there are family boundary ambiguities often involved in stepparents’ and stepkids’ relationships.
That means that they have to figure out what kind of parts they play in each other’s lives, which means there can be quite a lot of uncertainty in the relationship. And uncertainty is known to cause conflicts between people, as it causes anxiety and/or fear that can make a person act defensively or aggressively.
Granted, the post’s author herself didn’t say that the switch of girls’ behavior came because of what their mom said. But that was the conclusion that netizens drew, as it was the most logical one given all the circumstances. After all, this switch only came during the times the bio mom was around – so what could be the other reason, right?
But the thing is that the OP isn’t really a wicked stepmom, is she? Nothing in the described relationship gives the impression that there was bad blood between the original poster and her stepdaughters. Probably the meanest thing she did to them was lash out by asking not to be called mom. And even this was her expressing her pain over being mistreated by the kids she loved.
Do you think she was a major jerk to act the way she did? What would you have done if you were in her shoes? We always welcome your opinions in the comments.
Netizens justified the woman’s harsh reaction, saying it was a relatively normal way to react given the circumstances
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What do you think ?
FluffyDreg 1 month ago
OP was harsh but not completely wrong. There were better ways to communicate and be the adult about this. to apply consequences without cutting them out.
CK 1 month ago
Consequences don't have to come in the form of severing the familial relationship.
marcelo D. 1 month ago
but severing the familia relationship IS a consequence that happens when you treat others like s**t when you feel like it.
Load More Replies...
J R 1 month ago
I feel like OP was right to confront them and not be so forgiving as she's been in the past, but that she went too far by saying she doesn't view them as her kids. I mean, the fact is that this is an incredibly psychologically traumatic situation for the kids. They likely feel abandoned by their mom, but every time she comes back, they hope that if they just act a certain way, she'll stay. But she won't because the problem is her. Yes, this has been addressed with them, and they've gotten therapy, but they aren't going to see things or act the way adults would because they are teenagers. I don't know the answer for exactly what to do. But I don't think disowning them is going to help.
Jonas Fisher 1 month ago
I think it would be worthwhile to at least have this conversation with them once -- just once -- before cutting them off. Tell them how hurtful they are being. Point out how they are using her. Really confront them with the pain they are causing. Let them know that they will be forgiven this last time, but now they are old enough to think about what kind of people they want to be, and if it happens again, that will be that.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
Be the adult. It doesnt matter what they call you. They are still kids and will keep falling for biomom' BS for some time They will feel like they are betraying her by calling someone else mom and thats going to take a long time to work through OP needs to calm down and be the adult
greenideas 1 month ago
No adult wants to be disrespected by teenagers in their own home. What kind of message does that send? It's ok to treat me like trash, because you're having issues with your bio mom? Yes, the girls are being manipulated by their mother and don't have the emotional tools to deal with it. Therapy clearly isn't helping them and they would continue to lash out at OP, who seems to be their preferred punching bag. Something needed to change because the situation was untenable for OP's mental health. Telling her to"calm down" isn't exactly helpful.
Load More Replies...
K Barnes 1 month ago
I feel really bad for those poor girls. A mom who shows up every few years, poisons the kids, then bails again is an incredibly toxic and confusing thing to try and deal with. The birth mom is awful to do that. IMO the step mom should have more patience with teen girls being stupid teen girls and saying stupid c**p, even though what they said was very hurtful. I said hurtful things I didn't mean to my parents at that age. She should have had a frank discussion about how hurtful what they said was, not told them she wouldn't be their mom any more. The dad totally s***s for saying it's not his problem, what an absolute loser.
R Dennis 1 month ago
OP is TA. She expects a 16 year old with a f****d up bio mom to behave like a mature adult? She has a therapist for a reason and if OP doesn't respect the therapist's viewpoint why send the stepdaughter... I had to deal with a f****d up deadbeat bio dad, but I didn't let that define my relationship with my stepkids. OP needs to figure out who the grownup is in her own house.
Eliza 1 month ago
F**k you. The husband is the ah. Oh, but you're so perfect with all your self righteousness b******t.
Load More Replies...
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 1 month ago
To Hell with them; they've made their priorities clear. Sincerely, a step kid.
FluffyDreg 1 month ago
OP was harsh but not completely wrong. There were better ways to communicate and be the adult about this. to apply consequences without cutting them out.
CK 1 month ago
Consequences don't have to come in the form of severing the familial relationship.
marcelo D. 1 month ago
but severing the familia relationship IS a consequence that happens when you treat others like s**t when you feel like it.
Load More Replies... J R 1 month ago
I feel like OP was right to confront them and not be so forgiving as she's been in the past, but that she went too far by saying she doesn't view them as her kids. I mean, the fact is that this is an incredibly psychologically traumatic situation for the kids. They likely feel abandoned by their mom, but every time she comes back, they hope that if they just act a certain way, she'll stay. But she won't because the problem is her. Yes, this has been addressed with them, and they've gotten therapy, but they aren't going to see things or act the way adults would because they are teenagers. I don't know the answer for exactly what to do. But I don't think disowning them is going to help.
Jonas Fisher 1 month ago
I think it would be worthwhile to at least have this conversation with them once -- just once -- before cutting them off. Tell them how hurtful they are being. Point out how they are using her. Really confront them with the pain they are causing. Let them know that they will be forgiven this last time, but now they are old enough to think about what kind of people they want to be, and if it happens again, that will be that.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
Be the adult. It doesnt matter what they call you. They are still kids and will keep falling for biomom' BS for some time They will feel like they are betraying her by calling someone else mom and thats going to take a long time to work through OP needs to calm down and be the adult
greenideas 1 month ago
No adult wants to be disrespected by teenagers in their own home. What kind of message does that send? It's ok to treat me like trash, because you're having issues with your bio mom? Yes, the girls are being manipulated by their mother and don't have the emotional tools to deal with it. Therapy clearly isn't helping them and they would continue to lash out at OP, who seems to be their preferred punching bag. Something needed to change because the situation was untenable for OP's mental health. Telling her to"calm down" isn't exactly helpful.
Load More Replies... K Barnes 1 month ago
I feel really bad for those poor girls. A mom who shows up every few years, poisons the kids, then bails again is an incredibly toxic and confusing thing to try and deal with. The birth mom is awful to do that. IMO the step mom should have more patience with teen girls being stupid teen girls and saying stupid c**p, even though what they said was very hurtful. I said hurtful things I didn't mean to my parents at that age. She should have had a frank discussion about how hurtful what they said was, not told them she wouldn't be their mom any more. The dad totally s***s for saying it's not his problem, what an absolute loser.
R Dennis 1 month ago
OP is TA. She expects a 16 year old with a f****d up bio mom to behave like a mature adult? She has a therapist for a reason and if OP doesn't respect the therapist's viewpoint why send the stepdaughter... I had to deal with a f****d up deadbeat bio dad, but I didn't let that define my relationship with my stepkids. OP needs to figure out who the grownup is in her own house.
Eliza 1 month ago
F**k you. The husband is the ah. Oh, but you're so perfect with all your self righteousness b******t.
Load More Replies... The_Nicest_Misanthrope 1 month ago
To Hell with them; they've made their priorities clear. Sincerely, a step kid.
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