“AITA For Refusing To ‘See Other Options’ For A Girl And Pressing Charges For What She Did To My Son’s Car?”
It is very human to have the urge to get back at someone if one has been wronged or hurt by them in any way. But it is also very human to get carried away with how one responds in such situations.
While some try to talk it out, others turn to property damage, and, needless to say, it often doesn’t go well. What does property have to do with any beef that you have with a person, anyway?
A concerned dad has turned to the internet for some perspective on a situation where his son’s ex, along with her brother, decided to vandalize his car after the two broke up, which led to some pretty serious consequences.
More Info: Reddit
Causing property damage is a very human reaction to a bad breakup, but that doesn’t mean it’s right
Image credits: Athol Mullen (not the actual photo)
So, Reddit user u/Wild-Spread-8713, who introduced himself as a 39-year-old dad of a 17-year-old son, Bryce, turned to the Am I The A-Hole community to figure out something.
In particular, that something was if he and his wife ought to press charges against the neighbor’s daughter Lana, also 17, his son’s ex-girlfriend, after she has completely trashed his car after a breakup.
OK, so, a little context. The kids were together for about a year, and throughout the relationship, they saw how abusive Lana could be with her controlling and aggressive behavior towards Bryce.
What does make things right, however, is turning such a situation into a lesson, just like this dad decided to do when his son’s ex trashed his car
Image credits: Wild-Spread-8713
While the son did have a talk with his parents regarding the future of the relationship, he never really wanted to proceed with a breakup because of fear Lana would retaliate. The breakup was inevitable, and the interesting part is that Lana’s response was nonexistent at the time.
Some time later, Bryce got a car as a Christmas gift from his parents so that he could get around places, like school, work, etc. However, the car very quickly became a victim of scratches and the like, and while everyone knew it was Lana as they had cameras, the son decided to do nothing so as to not prod the lion, sort to say. The damage was minimal anyway.
Image credits: Wild-Spread-8713
Until it wasn’t, when one morning the family found the car absolutely trashed: paint, glue, feathers, confetti, the door handles were wrecked, flat tires, paint all over the windows, the works. Needless to say, everyone was distraught.
Camera footage showed Lana and her brother going nuts on the car, so one phone call to the police later, the brother was jailed, while Lana is a minor and her fate rests at the hands of Bryce and his family. So, the dad decided he’ll press charges.
People online saw no fault in the dad for pressing charges—in fact, they advised that he go all the way
Lana’s parents weren’t all too happy about it, and offered to replace the car, and to send Lana to therapy just so that they wouldn’t proceed with making her pay. But the family was having none of it and want to stand their ground with the charges.
And the story found its way on Reddit, where it got over 31,000 upvotes with a bit over 50 Reddit awards. The community, which left over 2,000 comments, ruled that there is absolutely no way they could be wrong here. People said that she needs a wake-up call, and needs to be taught a lesson that actions need consequences and that pressing charges is the only reasonable thing to do.
You can check out the post here, but don’t go just yet cause we’d love to know your thoughts on this. How would you handle this situation? Let us know in the comment section below!
She deserves everything she gets as well as the brother. They both need therapy.
Absolutely correct! I also hope that they charge her as a adult, like she deserves. I hope the cctv footage shows her laughing and yucking it up, while they're destroying his car, so the proper authorities who are imposing the actual charges can experience the full impact of her behavior against her ex-boyfriend. So they can present adequate charges. I also hope therapy is part of the judgement against her, as well as a epo for her ex-boyfriend. There's no telling how many times she has been aggressive towards former boyfriends and crushes throughout her history, that her parents may have taken of for her previously.
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This is one of the easiest AITA calls ever. NTA. Lana and her entire family need to be set straight. Let the court system decide what form that takes, but do NOT negotiate with her enabling parents.
I grew up in a military family. It was made clear to me that if I got into trouble, I was on my own. No bail money, no paying for an attorney. I was also taught respect for others. Funny how I never got into any trouble, isn't it?
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I suppose it would be difficult since they're neighbors but I would want a restraining order as well. This girl and her brother's behaviors are terrifying. She'd better get therapy because I can see her actions escalating. If the OP's family has any pets they'd better not leave them unsupervised outside.
The girl should go straight to prison, no restraining orders necessary
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This is why I don't find it funny when people joke about destroying their ex's property as a way to "get back at them". It's not a joke. It's a criminal offence.
At 17, I had left home and was working a couple of part-time jobs and putting myself through uni. I would admit that in many ways my judgment was not the best, but I knew full well the difference between right and wrong. The only hope this young woman has is to face the consequences of her choices. Letting her off will a) make her think she is invincible and she will probably be worse next time round and b) will guarantee that she will NOT get the guidance or therapy she clearly needs moving forward. It's very hard as a parent to accept that your child has really screwed up, or children in this case, but the fact you have two children who behave this way tells me that perhaps the parents are not best qualified to determine what should happen.
Uhh. They should pay to fix the car back to the way it was and she should still be charged.
Holy s**t. It could have been worse than the car and his parents know it.
Yes. Bryce ignored her first efforts at vandalism so it escalated.
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"Causing property damage is a very human reaction to a bad breakup." I have to disagree. I feel like that statement normalizes people wrecking things because of a breakup.
NTA. Sue the crazy bit*h. If you let her off the hook you just give her a free pass to do this to anyone else. She needs a punch of reality from life, a police record will help with that. Press charges and sue the family in a Civil Suit.
Actions have consequences. They're right to press charges. The fact they're neighbours is so awkward though.
Yes, but it's more than anger management she needs. She's controlling and manipulative. She needs to learn sharpish that this isn't how you treat anyone, let alone someone you purport to care about.
Load More Replies... NTA. This girl could burn your house down. She needs to be disciplined by her parents and suffer the consequences of what she did, community service, some kind of probation, I don't know what. She is an abuser already, at 17 years old. Her parents are probably afraid of her.
If Lana and her brother were my children 1) they would’ve been raised better, 2) I would’ve been mortified at their behavior and angrier at the two of them than my neighbors were, 3) I would hope I’d be able to recognize such antisocial behavior in my children before something like this happened, and do my best to get it corrected, either through consequences (not harsh punishments, but ones that appropriately fit the crimes) or therapy. You sometimes have to take the blinders off and be brutally honest about your little angels’ behavior. The duty of parents is to raise children who are able to function and get along in society. They do their children a disservice by overindulging them and not correcting bad behavior before it gets impossible to control.
Unless she learns now this behaviour is going to end up with her becoming the next Jodi Arias. I'm not joking. Stalking behaviour only ever escalates without some major wake up call for the stalker.
One morning a few years ago I saw a car that was frequently parked on the street near our place in a completely trashed state. Windows broken, wing mirrors torn off, tires slashed, the works. It turned out to belong to a young man that lives across the street and a neighbour said it had happened to him before. I'm guessing insane ex. Or jealous ex of current partner.
No people need to reap what they sow. Her brother is an adult and he did what he did. She is on her way to be him.
Easy home run this one. If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime. Up to a point we protect our children but when the situation is escalating it’s time to put a stop to it. Her parents want to save her and they’ve let her down previously so they are now trying to catch-up, well sorry that ain’t gonna fly, let’s keep it simple and allow the book to be thrown at her, maybe it’ll do just enough? Doubt it but hey, y’ gotta try.
Lana, her brother, and her parents need therapy. But you also need to learn to stay out of your son's life.
Letting her get away with that behavior is a no, there are consequences to actions and that went beyond malicious to criminal. She's old enough to face justice, she needs to face justice. And she needs therapy but this sounds more like a mental disorder and impulse control than just some anger issue.
Bring separate charges of Vandalization of Property Valued at over $4.000 and Criminal Trespass too .Do the same to the Brother too, keep the heat on if you can. The parents also need to learn there's a price to be paid for lousy parenting. Whilst the daughter is in lock-up maybe she'll get help. I fear it won't take though!
No ifs ands or buts, this girl needs to be punished to the fullest extent of the law. If something is not done to make her open her eyes, the next time she has the chance she may very well do serious harm to your son and or family. This girl seems to think she can get away with murder. Is that what you want for your son? to fear for his life? get her off the streets before she does something else. Because she will retaliate.
Jeez she is a psycho. She's already escalated from a scratch to a few scratches to destroying the car. If they allow her to essentially get away with it, how far is she willing to go the next time she thinks she's "wronged" in some way? If her next boyfriend looks at a waitress too long is she going to stab her? If he talks to another girl, is she going to burn down his house? A lot of the crazy stories you see on shows like Dateline are just the latest episode in a years, maybe even decades, long progression of erratic, psychotic behavior that was either ignored or covered up by loved ones. Maybe they could avoid one of those by forcing her to face real adult consequences. Also her parents are POSes for even backing her after she got her own brother involved. Sure he is an adult and responsible for his own actions, but he was only involved because of her. There's no way he deserves a harsher punishment than she gets.
She won't get better, so charge her as far as the law will take it. She is just about over the line and will soon be 18. She would have been put in jail if she had been 18. This is not a problem that will be swept under the rug. She has mental problems that you cannot ignore. Maybe she will physically attack your son and do permanent damage to him. Maybe her next step would be to kill him. Press charges and get her out of his life.
I would like the full details. OP says that they got them to break up by being sneaky, what did THEY do to the girl? I think that there is a lot more going on than what we are reading.
First, I'd like to propose AITACOM as the official shorthand for Am-I-the-A*****e-community. As for the question raised: No, he's not. No, his wife is not. We haven't heard from Bryce, and I wonder why that is. That said, make no deal. This a golden learning opportunity for Lana as has been noted, but IT'S THE SAME FOR HER PARENTS, who created and tolerate their kids' criminal behavior. You are owed repair or replacement of the vehicle in any case. Lana needs professional psychiatric help--not some b******t "anger-management: course, but she deserves to do time as well. The escalation that previously occurred makes it clear that it was a mistake to ignore criminal behavior. Get a restraining order vs the entire family.
At 17, she can still get some help thru juvenile PO hopefully. Press charges, always press charges - the PO system can offer so much help for kids, and they can enforce that it happens, unlike most agencies. Do not fear court for kids in states with safe systems (ignore all this in Texas, it's unsafe), court ordered is often the best way to get older teens help. It won't go on her adult record, there's no reason to evade the legal system when kids need help. Most courts & corrections people do want to help, they are often big cheerleaders & supporters of their clients.
Why does a small amount of property damage come with jail time wtf. Property crimes are easily fixed with money and since shes a child her parents *are* responsible for it. Like yes she shouldnt avoid consequences but those are up to her parents. Their son should be paying for half the replacement himself tho.
You learn one simple thing over and over in your lifetime, "actions have consequences". What many fail to learn is the extent of those consequences; a slap on the wrist will only encourage further actions. Prosecution will teach a damn lesson that hopefully sticks a little. Also therapy and some type of restraining order would be good to stack on it
Every action has consequences. It's time Lana and her brother learn what consequences are. Don't back down!
Shoot her in the knee as an alternative to pressing charges.
By talking to him. OP said "We just mentioned from time to time how he stopped doing things he loved because Lana didn't approved them, he really liked skating with his friends and going to the dog park with his cousins (a few of my wife's siblings live near us), neither of them liked Lana and they asked him not bring her, so Lana said that he couldn't go if she didn't. And he agreed. My wife used to ask him how would Lana react if he got accepted in some college Lana wasn't, or if he couldn't give him as much attention as she liked because of the classes since we already know how she reacted to that. We tried to make him question if his situation could work in the future and if it aligned with what he wanted for himself. When he talked about how something Lana made him feel bad on purpose we never made excuses for her with ''well, she might have something going on'' or '' maybe you should discuss it with her'', we made sure he understood how a partner shouldn't make you feel". NTA
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Can I have your address? I'd like to pop a moral compass in the post.
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Then Lana learns nothing. She needs to learn there are consequences for her actions. Not just therapy and mommy and daddy to pay to fix the problem. She needs something like court ordered therapy and her record can be expunged after she is done .
Load More Replies... She deserves everything she gets as well as the brother. They both need therapy.
Absolutely correct! I also hope that they charge her as a adult, like she deserves. I hope the cctv footage shows her laughing and yucking it up, while they're destroying his car, so the proper authorities who are imposing the actual charges can experience the full impact of her behavior against her ex-boyfriend. So they can present adequate charges. I also hope therapy is part of the judgement against her, as well as a epo for her ex-boyfriend. There's no telling how many times she has been aggressive towards former boyfriends and crushes throughout her history, that her parents may have taken of for her previously.
Load More Replies... This is one of the easiest AITA calls ever. NTA. Lana and her entire family need to be set straight. Let the court system decide what form that takes, but do NOT negotiate with her enabling parents.
I grew up in a military family. It was made clear to me that if I got into trouble, I was on my own. No bail money, no paying for an attorney. I was also taught respect for others. Funny how I never got into any trouble, isn't it?
Load More Replies... I suppose it would be difficult since they're neighbors but I would want a restraining order as well. This girl and her brother's behaviors are terrifying. She'd better get therapy because I can see her actions escalating. If the OP's family has any pets they'd better not leave them unsupervised outside.
The girl should go straight to prison, no restraining orders necessary
Load More Replies... This is why I don't find it funny when people joke about destroying their ex's property as a way to "get back at them". It's not a joke. It's a criminal offence.
At 17, I had left home and was working a couple of part-time jobs and putting myself through uni. I would admit that in many ways my judgment was not the best, but I knew full well the difference between right and wrong. The only hope this young woman has is to face the consequences of her choices. Letting her off will a) make her think she is invincible and she will probably be worse next time round and b) will guarantee that she will NOT get the guidance or therapy she clearly needs moving forward. It's very hard as a parent to accept that your child has really screwed up, or children in this case, but the fact you have two children who behave this way tells me that perhaps the parents are not best qualified to determine what should happen.
Uhh. They should pay to fix the car back to the way it was and she should still be charged.
Holy s**t. It could have been worse than the car and his parents know it.
Yes. Bryce ignored her first efforts at vandalism so it escalated.
Load More Replies... "Causing property damage is a very human reaction to a bad breakup." I have to disagree. I feel like that statement normalizes people wrecking things because of a breakup.
NTA. Sue the crazy bit*h. If you let her off the hook you just give her a free pass to do this to anyone else. She needs a punch of reality from life, a police record will help with that. Press charges and sue the family in a Civil Suit.
Actions have consequences. They're right to press charges. The fact they're neighbours is so awkward though.
Yes, but it's more than anger management she needs. She's controlling and manipulative. She needs to learn sharpish that this isn't how you treat anyone, let alone someone you purport to care about.
Load More Replies... NTA. This girl could burn your house down. She needs to be disciplined by her parents and suffer the consequences of what she did, community service, some kind of probation, I don't know what. She is an abuser already, at 17 years old. Her parents are probably afraid of her.
If Lana and her brother were my children 1) they would’ve been raised better, 2) I would’ve been mortified at their behavior and angrier at the two of them than my neighbors were, 3) I would hope I’d be able to recognize such antisocial behavior in my children before something like this happened, and do my best to get it corrected, either through consequences (not harsh punishments, but ones that appropriately fit the crimes) or therapy. You sometimes have to take the blinders off and be brutally honest about your little angels’ behavior. The duty of parents is to raise children who are able to function and get along in society. They do their children a disservice by overindulging them and not correcting bad behavior before it gets impossible to control.
Unless she learns now this behaviour is going to end up with her becoming the next Jodi Arias. I'm not joking. Stalking behaviour only ever escalates without some major wake up call for the stalker.
One morning a few years ago I saw a car that was frequently parked on the street near our place in a completely trashed state. Windows broken, wing mirrors torn off, tires slashed, the works. It turned out to belong to a young man that lives across the street and a neighbour said it had happened to him before. I'm guessing insane ex. Or jealous ex of current partner.
No people need to reap what they sow. Her brother is an adult and he did what he did. She is on her way to be him.
Easy home run this one. If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime. Up to a point we protect our children but when the situation is escalating it’s time to put a stop to it. Her parents want to save her and they’ve let her down previously so they are now trying to catch-up, well sorry that ain’t gonna fly, let’s keep it simple and allow the book to be thrown at her, maybe it’ll do just enough? Doubt it but hey, y’ gotta try.
Lana, her brother, and her parents need therapy. But you also need to learn to stay out of your son's life.
Letting her get away with that behavior is a no, there are consequences to actions and that went beyond malicious to criminal. She's old enough to face justice, she needs to face justice. And she needs therapy but this sounds more like a mental disorder and impulse control than just some anger issue.
Bring separate charges of Vandalization of Property Valued at over $4.000 and Criminal Trespass too .Do the same to the Brother too, keep the heat on if you can. The parents also need to learn there's a price to be paid for lousy parenting. Whilst the daughter is in lock-up maybe she'll get help. I fear it won't take though!
No ifs ands or buts, this girl needs to be punished to the fullest extent of the law. If something is not done to make her open her eyes, the next time she has the chance she may very well do serious harm to your son and or family. This girl seems to think she can get away with murder. Is that what you want for your son? to fear for his life? get her off the streets before she does something else. Because she will retaliate.
Jeez she is a psycho. She's already escalated from a scratch to a few scratches to destroying the car. If they allow her to essentially get away with it, how far is she willing to go the next time she thinks she's "wronged" in some way? If her next boyfriend looks at a waitress too long is she going to stab her? If he talks to another girl, is she going to burn down his house? A lot of the crazy stories you see on shows like Dateline are just the latest episode in a years, maybe even decades, long progression of erratic, psychotic behavior that was either ignored or covered up by loved ones. Maybe they could avoid one of those by forcing her to face real adult consequences. Also her parents are POSes for even backing her after she got her own brother involved. Sure he is an adult and responsible for his own actions, but he was only involved because of her. There's no way he deserves a harsher punishment than she gets.
She won't get better, so charge her as far as the law will take it. She is just about over the line and will soon be 18. She would have been put in jail if she had been 18. This is not a problem that will be swept under the rug. She has mental problems that you cannot ignore. Maybe she will physically attack your son and do permanent damage to him. Maybe her next step would be to kill him. Press charges and get her out of his life.
I would like the full details. OP says that they got them to break up by being sneaky, what did THEY do to the girl? I think that there is a lot more going on than what we are reading.
First, I'd like to propose AITACOM as the official shorthand for Am-I-the-A*****e-community. As for the question raised: No, he's not. No, his wife is not. We haven't heard from Bryce, and I wonder why that is. That said, make no deal. This a golden learning opportunity for Lana as has been noted, but IT'S THE SAME FOR HER PARENTS, who created and tolerate their kids' criminal behavior. You are owed repair or replacement of the vehicle in any case. Lana needs professional psychiatric help--not some b******t "anger-management: course, but she deserves to do time as well. The escalation that previously occurred makes it clear that it was a mistake to ignore criminal behavior. Get a restraining order vs the entire family.
At 17, she can still get some help thru juvenile PO hopefully. Press charges, always press charges - the PO system can offer so much help for kids, and they can enforce that it happens, unlike most agencies. Do not fear court for kids in states with safe systems (ignore all this in Texas, it's unsafe), court ordered is often the best way to get older teens help. It won't go on her adult record, there's no reason to evade the legal system when kids need help. Most courts & corrections people do want to help, they are often big cheerleaders & supporters of their clients.
Why does a small amount of property damage come with jail time wtf. Property crimes are easily fixed with money and since shes a child her parents *are* responsible for it. Like yes she shouldnt avoid consequences but those are up to her parents. Their son should be paying for half the replacement himself tho.
You learn one simple thing over and over in your lifetime, "actions have consequences". What many fail to learn is the extent of those consequences; a slap on the wrist will only encourage further actions. Prosecution will teach a damn lesson that hopefully sticks a little. Also therapy and some type of restraining order would be good to stack on it
Every action has consequences. It's time Lana and her brother learn what consequences are. Don't back down!
Shoot her in the knee as an alternative to pressing charges.
By talking to him. OP said "We just mentioned from time to time how he stopped doing things he loved because Lana didn't approved them, he really liked skating with his friends and going to the dog park with his cousins (a few of my wife's siblings live near us), neither of them liked Lana and they asked him not bring her, so Lana said that he couldn't go if she didn't. And he agreed. My wife used to ask him how would Lana react if he got accepted in some college Lana wasn't, or if he couldn't give him as much attention as she liked because of the classes since we already know how she reacted to that. We tried to make him question if his situation could work in the future and if it aligned with what he wanted for himself. When he talked about how something Lana made him feel bad on purpose we never made excuses for her with ''well, she might have something going on'' or '' maybe you should discuss it with her'', we made sure he understood how a partner shouldn't make you feel". NTA
Load More Replies... Can I have your address? I'd like to pop a moral compass in the post.
Load More Replies... Then Lana learns nothing. She needs to learn there are consequences for her actions. Not just therapy and mommy and daddy to pay to fix the problem. She needs something like court ordered therapy and her record can be expunged after she is done .
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