“AITA For No Longer Handing My Son His Allowance After I Found Out My Husband’s Been Taking It?”
“Trust is the glue of life,” “the heartbeat of every relationship,” and “is key to a strong family bond” – turns out, some folks are not so keen on following these sayings and are cool with betraying the people that should matter to them the most.
Take a look at this father of the year; he’s been nicking his 10-year-old son’s allowance for two months to buy himself cigs and booze. And when he was finally confronted, claimed that it wasn’t a big deal!
More info: Reddit
Woman gives her 10-year-old son an allowance so he can spend it on the stuff he wants
Image credits: Oleksandr Canary Islands (not the actual photo)
2 months later, she catches her unemployed hubby stealing it
Image credits: Lukas (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Shann (not the actual photo)
Image source: SugarRush599
“AITA for no longer handing my son his allowance after I found out my husband’s been taking it?” – this internet user took to one of Reddit’s most judgmental communities, asking its members if she’s indeed a jerk for axing her kid’s pocket money after discovering that her husband had been stealing it to buy his own things. The post garnered 9.6K upvotes as well as 1K comments discussing the situation.
Not everybody is programmed to be a parent; people learn as they go – it’s just that some get the gist of it, and others, well, don’t.
Having children is a life-altering decision that comes with huge responsibilities, meaning that every self-respecting person will take their sweet time mastering their soon-to-be kinship roles before the arrival of their offspring.
Now, lots of factors could contribute to poor parenting: lack of knowledge, traumas, financial stress, no support, personal and emotional issues, unrealistic expectations, burnout, substance abuse, and about a thousand more.
Babyology, an Australian parenting site that provides a supportive and trusted community for over one million parents and parents-to-be, reports that out of 1,500 surveyed folks, 1 in 5 had been told they were a “bad parent” by someone in their life.
Everyone parents the way they see fit, and more often than not, you’ll find a certain someone who will bash your technique simply because your beliefs don’t align with theirs; however, those so-called critics fail to realize that every child is different and requires their own unique approach.
But! Life’s tough, and it just so happens that sometimes those accusations turn out to be true, and instead of teaching your kid valuable lessons and developing a strong bond, you end up getting them involved in some petty lie just to satisfy your cravings.
A fight ensues, and the guy says that it isn’t a big deal, prompting the mom to stop giving the kid money
Image credits: Anete Lusina (not the actual photo)
Anywho, u/SugarRush599 is a mom to a 10-year-old boy who has recently started getting some pocket money.
The culprit of the tale, the father dearest, is unemployed and was caught red-handed stealing his son’s allowance to buy himself some cigarettes or booze. The way he’d do it is he would approach the boy and tell him he’d buy him whatever he wanted, but instead, he’d get himself sorted and completely forget about the 10-year-old’s requests.
The OP works as a nurse and often does long shifts, so she’s not always home to see this chaos – however, the kid finally confessed and said that this had been going on for two months!
Surprise, surprise; the hubby had asked his son not to say anything to his mom as she’d “get mad at him” and he’d be in trouble. Naturally, the woman grew livid about such a discovery, and she confronted her beloved spouse, to which he fired back and told her to consider it as gas money and that, overall, it was not a big deal.
The woman couldn’t think of a better decision, so she decided to axe the little guy’s allowance altogether; the man then dubbed her “heartless” and “financially controlling.”
What is your take on this story? Do you agree with the OP’s decision?
Fellow online community members shared their thoughts and opinions
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Definitely agree with the one's saying to start an account for the son so he knows he is not alone in this or at fault.
The irony seems to be lost on this numbskull that all of the horrible things he tries to label his wife as, are exactly the truth about himself, though he says there's no problem with what he's done. He's deluded and disgusting. I hope OP will see herself free of him asap for the good of her and her child or children.
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Stealing the kids pocket money is not the problem here. Its just a symptom. A crappy one indicating a deadbeat dad, but a symptom nonetheless. Why is the husband unemployed? Is he the primary parent or just unemployed? If its the latter is this a long term thing? Why? Why does the husband not have his OWN money to spend? Or household money or something? Have you always had his and hers money? Is he always irresponsible with money or is this a new thing? The dad is probably the AH here but I need more facts to determine if he's the only one.
The dad is DEFINITELY an AH regardless of the other facts. Cigarettes and alcohol aren't necessities and there is no excuse for stealing from his 10yo son in order to buy them.
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I first thought the title meant that the dad got the son cigs and booze.. 😶
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What kind of person steals from children? Your husband is a POS lady.
Addicts. If dad can't go without alcohol and cigarettes and gets to the point where he is taking money from his child to meet his needs, that makes him an addict. Sadly a lot of people don't understand that a functioning alcoholic is still an alcoholic.
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Or give him divorce papers and then he can be on his own and get a job, so he earns his own money.
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So I'm going to go a bit against the grain here. Without more answers I would actually go with op is the arsehole. When my son was 2. I was out working a lot and my partner was home with my child. They both got their own money to spend (partners on food shopping or anything he wanted/needed) and some for my little man(juice box and a treat) the fact the dad in this scenario has felt the need to take the child's money shows he is being financially abused maybe? If he isn't working and is staying home to watch the child. Has no income of his own but Is looking after the house and the kid and mum works a lot why doesn't he have access to some money to get himself something? I feel op needs to take a look at the whole situation. Is there drug/alcohol issues? Is that why so strict? Or is it more just control. I mean I don't at all condone dad's coercion of the child. BUT if he has nothing of his own of course he will believe he is more entitled to it than the child......
Why is this woman allowing this man child to live with her and her son. He is a economic drain on their household and he’s willing to steal from his own son, and sees nothing wrong with his behaviour. This woman needs to question herself as to why she is willing to put up with this freeloader. The only person in this household she must support is her son.
GET RID OF THAT MAN! This woman has a very busy schedule taking care of the sick PLUS be a mom! If you can't trust the father of your child to do right by that child in your absence, who can you trust?! I hope she's healthy and lives a long and healthy life. I wouldn't trust that man to use her assets and insurance to ensure that their son is well taken care of.
I want to say NTA but common sense, and reading more on Reddit in the comments, she's enabling, too. She never states why he's unemployed, if he's between jobs or a SAHD, or just not working. She's still with him and, also something not mentioned, is if he gets his own spending money, by other means than his son. yes_ _ _ _ _ _hornberger (reddit comments) pondered if OP is restricting her husband from finances due to his addictions. Found that to be an interesting angle. So, if she's aware of his addictions, which I'm sure is more than she's sharing, there's a deeper issue here than just her husband taking his son's allowance. Still a s****y thing to do. Not defending him at all. But I'm going with ESH, because I think OP is enabling this behaviour, and making her son cared for by him on a full time basis. He's better off with a stable, sober babysitter or daycare. Someone else suggested she set up a secret savings account only she and her son can access. Might be the best thing to do
Plus, why is she bothering to ask if she's the AH when she clearly knows what her husband is doing is wrong? They need to send their son to stay at a relatives until they get their s**t sorted, so their son doesn't have to be in the middle of that mess. They need a divorce. He needs addictions counselling, and she needs some sort of counselling for herself.
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If this were gender swapped, we'd be calling the OP financially abusive for being the breadwinner and not giving the unemployed spouse any money for personal expenses at all. So: Why doesn't the dad have any pocket money? Even if he's unemployed, they share a household and he should be getting some walking-around money. Imagine if you had zero money to buy even a small thing for yourself. For months. They're both horrible. Her because she made this situation and seems to be trying to control (prevent him from buying certain things) and punish him (for not having a job) by refusing to give him any money, and him because he resorted to taking money off his kid instead of being adult enough to speak to his wife directly about her being financially abusive and negotiate his own allowance.
Hell of a role model for your son to emulate. Get rid of the bum before your son learns that this is how you be a man and father.
I'd suggest a savings account - without the father's name on it - until the husband is either employed or out of the picture. Maybe set things up so the son can spend his money on Amazon and get it delivered. I'm not sure why this person is still in the relationship - the husband is gaslighting, verbally abusive, unemployed, and repeatedly lying to and taking money from his own child. I'm really not seeing why she isn't kicking him out.
Nta for this, but is he a SAHD? if so why doesn't he have his own spending money, are you financially controlling and he has no money for enjoyment? Does he take care of the kids/house. Does he drive the kids to extra activities? Or is he a lazy bum whoever doesn't do anything, won't get a job or take care of the kids? Honestly there's not enough info here to know whats going on. The dad should've never stolen from the kid but if he doesn't have any spending money as a SAHD he can be in a financially abusive relationship.
Ah yes how does that woman's saying go. your money is our money but my money is my money. I wonder if he was working if she'd be ok having nothing while she stayed home? with the information available it seems the working parent is not supporting the stay at home parent. If the man left the woman with no cash he'd be a deadbeat. If a woman leaves a man with nothing he's still the deadbeat? This isn't the 1950's women need to stop cherry picking when a man should be traditional and when they need to be progressive. Seems to me he'd have smokes if she was taking care of the family. I've supported partners who smoke at a minimum wage job nurses make bank. having a family means sharing income
Punishing your son? HA! Who’s no longer getting the money, your son or him? Sonny boy was getting squat didley anyway. Ask your son what he would buy with the money and then buy it for him yourself. If there is any money left compared to what you would have given him, open up an account hubby has no access to, and deposit it there. Tell him about it, so that he knows there is something lying there in case he wants something more expensive. This way the boy loses nothing and the dough is safe from Hubby’s sticky hands. What a SCHMUCK. And people wonder why I’m no longer interested in a relationship. Gee, I wonder why.
I'd give my son a pre-paid credit card that will notify you every time a purchase is made.
I started giving my son allowance because my husband is unemployed? She lost credibility for me there tbh 🙈
I have a couple of issues with this story. First of all....how much is the son getting that his dad can get cigarettes and snacks weekly? I know for a fact that cigarettes (at least in my part of the USA) cost upwards of $10/pack if not more. That's a lot of $ for a 10 year old/week. My other question is.....why are you punishing your son with no allowance instead of divorcing your moocher of an unemployed husband? You need to be forcing (and yes I mean forcing) your husband to get a job to help support his family and stop taking his son's money.
I thought it was an ex from the start, but noooo. He should be an ex though.
Are you going to copy/paste this onto every BP post? You even put this on a relatively positive story.
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Definitely agree with the one's saying to start an account for the son so he knows he is not alone in this or at fault.
The irony seems to be lost on this numbskull that all of the horrible things he tries to label his wife as, are exactly the truth about himself, though he says there's no problem with what he's done. He's deluded and disgusting. I hope OP will see herself free of him asap for the good of her and her child or children.
Load More Replies... Stealing the kids pocket money is not the problem here. Its just a symptom. A crappy one indicating a deadbeat dad, but a symptom nonetheless. Why is the husband unemployed? Is he the primary parent or just unemployed? If its the latter is this a long term thing? Why? Why does the husband not have his OWN money to spend? Or household money or something? Have you always had his and hers money? Is he always irresponsible with money or is this a new thing? The dad is probably the AH here but I need more facts to determine if he's the only one.
The dad is DEFINITELY an AH regardless of the other facts. Cigarettes and alcohol aren't necessities and there is no excuse for stealing from his 10yo son in order to buy them.
Load More Replies... I first thought the title meant that the dad got the son cigs and booze.. 😶
Load More Replies... What kind of person steals from children? Your husband is a POS lady.
Addicts. If dad can't go without alcohol and cigarettes and gets to the point where he is taking money from his child to meet his needs, that makes him an addict. Sadly a lot of people don't understand that a functioning alcoholic is still an alcoholic.
Load More Replies... Or give him divorce papers and then he can be on his own and get a job, so he earns his own money.
Load More Replies... So I'm going to go a bit against the grain here. Without more answers I would actually go with op is the arsehole. When my son was 2. I was out working a lot and my partner was home with my child. They both got their own money to spend (partners on food shopping or anything he wanted/needed) and some for my little man(juice box and a treat) the fact the dad in this scenario has felt the need to take the child's money shows he is being financially abused maybe? If he isn't working and is staying home to watch the child. Has no income of his own but Is looking after the house and the kid and mum works a lot why doesn't he have access to some money to get himself something? I feel op needs to take a look at the whole situation. Is there drug/alcohol issues? Is that why so strict? Or is it more just control. I mean I don't at all condone dad's coercion of the child. BUT if he has nothing of his own of course he will believe he is more entitled to it than the child......
Why is this woman allowing this man child to live with her and her son. He is a economic drain on their household and he’s willing to steal from his own son, and sees nothing wrong with his behaviour. This woman needs to question herself as to why she is willing to put up with this freeloader. The only person in this household she must support is her son.
GET RID OF THAT MAN! This woman has a very busy schedule taking care of the sick PLUS be a mom! If you can't trust the father of your child to do right by that child in your absence, who can you trust?! I hope she's healthy and lives a long and healthy life. I wouldn't trust that man to use her assets and insurance to ensure that their son is well taken care of.
I want to say NTA but common sense, and reading more on Reddit in the comments, she's enabling, too. She never states why he's unemployed, if he's between jobs or a SAHD, or just not working. She's still with him and, also something not mentioned, is if he gets his own spending money, by other means than his son. yes_ _ _ _ _ _hornberger (reddit comments) pondered if OP is restricting her husband from finances due to his addictions. Found that to be an interesting angle. So, if she's aware of his addictions, which I'm sure is more than she's sharing, there's a deeper issue here than just her husband taking his son's allowance. Still a s****y thing to do. Not defending him at all. But I'm going with ESH, because I think OP is enabling this behaviour, and making her son cared for by him on a full time basis. He's better off with a stable, sober babysitter or daycare. Someone else suggested she set up a secret savings account only she and her son can access. Might be the best thing to do
Plus, why is she bothering to ask if she's the AH when she clearly knows what her husband is doing is wrong? They need to send their son to stay at a relatives until they get their s**t sorted, so their son doesn't have to be in the middle of that mess. They need a divorce. He needs addictions counselling, and she needs some sort of counselling for herself.
Load More Replies... If this were gender swapped, we'd be calling the OP financially abusive for being the breadwinner and not giving the unemployed spouse any money for personal expenses at all. So: Why doesn't the dad have any pocket money? Even if he's unemployed, they share a household and he should be getting some walking-around money. Imagine if you had zero money to buy even a small thing for yourself. For months. They're both horrible. Her because she made this situation and seems to be trying to control (prevent him from buying certain things) and punish him (for not having a job) by refusing to give him any money, and him because he resorted to taking money off his kid instead of being adult enough to speak to his wife directly about her being financially abusive and negotiate his own allowance.
Hell of a role model for your son to emulate. Get rid of the bum before your son learns that this is how you be a man and father.
I'd suggest a savings account - without the father's name on it - until the husband is either employed or out of the picture. Maybe set things up so the son can spend his money on Amazon and get it delivered. I'm not sure why this person is still in the relationship - the husband is gaslighting, verbally abusive, unemployed, and repeatedly lying to and taking money from his own child. I'm really not seeing why she isn't kicking him out.
Nta for this, but is he a SAHD? if so why doesn't he have his own spending money, are you financially controlling and he has no money for enjoyment? Does he take care of the kids/house. Does he drive the kids to extra activities? Or is he a lazy bum whoever doesn't do anything, won't get a job or take care of the kids? Honestly there's not enough info here to know whats going on. The dad should've never stolen from the kid but if he doesn't have any spending money as a SAHD he can be in a financially abusive relationship.
Ah yes how does that woman's saying go. your money is our money but my money is my money. I wonder if he was working if she'd be ok having nothing while she stayed home? with the information available it seems the working parent is not supporting the stay at home parent. If the man left the woman with no cash he'd be a deadbeat. If a woman leaves a man with nothing he's still the deadbeat? This isn't the 1950's women need to stop cherry picking when a man should be traditional and when they need to be progressive. Seems to me he'd have smokes if she was taking care of the family. I've supported partners who smoke at a minimum wage job nurses make bank. having a family means sharing income
Punishing your son? HA! Who’s no longer getting the money, your son or him? Sonny boy was getting squat didley anyway. Ask your son what he would buy with the money and then buy it for him yourself. If there is any money left compared to what you would have given him, open up an account hubby has no access to, and deposit it there. Tell him about it, so that he knows there is something lying there in case he wants something more expensive. This way the boy loses nothing and the dough is safe from Hubby’s sticky hands. What a SCHMUCK. And people wonder why I’m no longer interested in a relationship. Gee, I wonder why.
I'd give my son a pre-paid credit card that will notify you every time a purchase is made.
I started giving my son allowance because my husband is unemployed? She lost credibility for me there tbh 🙈
I have a couple of issues with this story. First of all....how much is the son getting that his dad can get cigarettes and snacks weekly? I know for a fact that cigarettes (at least in my part of the USA) cost upwards of $10/pack if not more. That's a lot of $ for a 10 year old/week. My other question is.....why are you punishing your son with no allowance instead of divorcing your moocher of an unemployed husband? You need to be forcing (and yes I mean forcing) your husband to get a job to help support his family and stop taking his son's money.
I thought it was an ex from the start, but noooo. He should be an ex though.
Are you going to copy/paste this onto every BP post? You even put this on a relatively positive story.
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