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“Baby Talk”: Why 67 Women Changed Their Minds About Guys They Once Thought Were ‘Perfect’
Who is your perfect person? Are they tall, dark and handsome? Kind, caring and adventurous? Or maybe, successful, fit and funny? Many of us have a "list." Even Kim Kardashian once revealed that her "dream man" must provide protection, have good hygiene, and a calm demeanor. Oh, and please, she said, no massive personal drama because apparently she has enough of her own.
Often, our "lists" are so specific and extensive that finding "the one" can be like looking for a needle in a haystack. But sometimes, after kissing a few frogs, we strike it lucky and the universe gifts us with someone who is absolutely perfect for us... on paper, at least. It seems like a dream come true, until it isn't.
Someone asked women, "What is something that made you turn down a date with a guy even though he looked perfect on paper?" and hundreds didn't hold back.
Bored Panda has put together the best responses in case you needed any further proof that dating has gone to the dogs. There's the story of the guy who claimed to be a Turkish prince, a few who couldn't stop babbling about their exes, and the 64-year-old liar who said he was 20 years younger. Don't forget to upvote your favorites and feel free to share your own tales in the comments section below.
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#1
A coworker asked me out, he seemed funny, charming, great worker, no kids etc....yet him approaching me was after i overheard him boasting to male coworkers that "he expects physical affection and/or intimacy" if he is to spend over $100 bucks on a woman!
When he asked me out, i immediately said no, told him why, and snipped at him that there are women in a specialized, yet taboo industry that can/will happily meet his physical transactional preferences without the gentlemen expectation.
He looked mortified, then asked me not to disclose his perspectives to any of the other women in the workplace...i informed every single female in the building and warned them to steer clear of him...7 months later, he SAd a receptionist that went on a date with him!
Multa Nocte (she/her/8647) 1 hour ago
It is always helpful when a sister helps another sister out this way, and I thank all my sisters who have gone before me for doing this. Same can go for men.
What's on your "list"? Or do you not have one? Some people swear by writing down the qualities they're looking for in a partner, while others just go with the flow.
Many dating experts believe that lists can be a good thing. They help us to be more intentional, which can save a lot of time, effort and heartbreak in today's fast-paced, digital-led dating world.
"I’ve seen it happen time and time again in my work in which a client gets so swept up in all the excitement of a new person or 'situationship' that they lose sight of the things they really want in a relationship or know are good for them," says Leah Aguirre, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and psychotherapist.
However, the expert adds that it’s easy to become blinded when there is intense chemistry or a new person seemingly “checks all the boxes.”
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#2
Immediately started calling himself ugly and talking about his ex wife on the first date unprompted.
#3
Met a guy on a dating app. Had a good job, owned a house, well educated, and good looking. We had a really good connection over text and on the phone with some amazing conversations and witty banter. He was leaving his house to pick me up when he said, over text, that he was expecting at least a goodnight kiss but probably more. I responded with "haha" or "LOL" or something to the effect but then he came back with "if I don't get a kiss there will NOT be a second date." I canceled the date right then and there. Blazing red flags over the statement. And chances were high that if the date went as well as our conversations he would have gotten one!
Often, people make the mistake of being too "shallow," when it comes to creating their lists. Yes, maybe you prefer someone with blue eyes and blonde hair, or a tall, dark and handsome dude. But it's important to go beyond looks, careers and money. Focus instead on the traits you'd like your ideal partner to have.
Consider how you would like to feel in a relationship, advises Aguirre. She adds that while no relationship is perfect, you should generally feel good or happy and not anxious or miserable.
"In a healthy relationship, you should feel like you can be yourself and express your feelings and needs," explains Aguirre. "You should feel seen and heard. You should feel confident that you can work through conflict and have difficult conversations. You should also feel secure."
#4
Spent the entire first date calling his ex wife satan, she ruined his life, etc. I’m bored thinking about it.
#5
Baby talk. I could not- even if he was the very last man on the entire planet.
Every hormone I had fell immediately off my body.
#6
He was the handsome man I could dream to date and I was very flattered because he asked me for the date. But he spent his time to criticise and badmouth about his colleagues and almost each person he knew. It was his only topic. By half of the date, I was thinking he was actually very ugly and he didn’t attract me anymore.
Multa Nocte (she/her/8647) 1 hour ago
Because you know the second you are out of sight that this person will be trash talking you.
Some experts believe we should throw away our lists altogether. And there are several reasons: Your list is might be too long, or it might have what you think you want instead of what you really need.
"I will often see couples like this who end up in therapy because they decided to get married because their partner checked all of their boxes, and it seemed like it was the right age to get married and settle down or felt pressure," reveals one of the therapists at the Center for Modern Relationships.
They go on to explain that many of these couples failed to look for the important qualities in each other before getting married. For example, shared values, personality, mutual respect, attraction, and a genuine fondness for each other.
#7
He was Turkish, and claimed he was a Turkish prince living in anonymity in the states. I thought he was being playful and I laughed said “I bet you say that to all the girls” and he yelled “NO I DON’T” and got super defensive.
I’ve never dipped from someone’s life so fast.
#8
He insisted on picking me up from my house after I told him I'd rather drive. After 3 times, I cancelled the date.
#9
This was years back (I'm long since married). Really handsome guy, seemed charming, set up a date.
....he was a white supremacist. Noped right out of there.
The center's experts say that it's better to trust your gut than to rely on a list that limits you.
"When we weed out so many potential partners due to a check-list, you could be missing out on an opportunity to connect with someone who’s really amazing and may challenge you in a meaningful way," they warn. "So please, don’t date someone just because they 'check the boxes,' and don’t partner with someone just because it seems like everyone else is."
The therapists add that remaining curious and open-minded (whether you're single or in a relationship) is one of the keys to a happy life.
#10
Met through mutual friend's bosses game night.
On paper, exactly what I was looking for.
But when someone would do something in a board game that he deemed illogical, he'd get irate about trying to convince them they were wrong. Particularly when it disrupted whatever he had planned out several moves ahead. He's take it like a personal attack.
#11
He had been asking for selfies and fit checks leading up to the date before I ever met him. I wasn't super comfortable with that, but kinda told myself that maybe it's normal nowadays (been off the market for awhile). Then the day of the date he asked for pictures of options for what I was going to wear and starting giving opinions/critiquing my outfits 🤮.
Dread Pirate Roberts 1 hour ago
If he's gonna try to pick out her outfits for her, why doesn't he just date a Barbie doll instead? 🙄
#12
I met someone on a dating app once who gave me nothing but green flags all around until we went to dinner and I saw how they treated service staff.
We hadnt even been there more than five minutes before my date was subtly talking down to the waitress and made such a grossly unkind comment about her appearance as she walked away (within earshot) that I immediately let them know that I wasnt comfortable associating with anyone who could treat a stranger with that kind of disregard. I asked them to leave, loose my number and wished them luck in their endeavors and canceled our order. I'll never forget the waitress brought me ice cream afterwards. I'll never forget their walk of shame out of the restaurant (I had a window seat of course), I remember they werent even angry, just embarassed. Sadly, I think they were trying to show off. Lack of empathy on the first date takes bravado, it was a huge red flag.
The team over at Thought Catalog tend to agree.
"We sometimes have a list that we can’t even measure up to," they caution. "When you meet someone who does not follow your list but at the same time you can’t find something wrong with them or pinpoint anything that noticeably stands out to you; that’s when you should just trust your gut and throw your list away."
#13
Expensive car. He bragged about it, I said that I couldn't imagine spending that much on a car - it's just not a priority to me. He refused to believe that because"everybody wants an expensive car." So I said,"Yeeeeah, this is not going to work."
It's not even the car itself, or our differing priorities. He just couldn't accept that other people feel different than I am. I'm not hand holding someone through the basics of being human.
DrBronxx 44 minutes ago
I get this. I have a friend who has a line of work where he meets celebrities at fancy events. I'm really happy for him, but it's really not interesting to me. The older I get, the less interested I am in those events and meeting famous people. He's also a workaholic, so I know for a fact he has worked incredibly hard to get where he is. He has sacrificed a lot of time with his family. He once tried to motivate me into getting into his line of work with the line "You've seen my instagram account. You can have that too!" I do not want his Instagram account. I want to build duplo houses with my daughter, and chase her around the house because she refuses to put her clothes on after her bath. I want to take my wife for a drive, and go to the cinema with her (Spider-Man tomorrow, yay!). My friend just cannot understand that these are my priorities.
#14
I matched with a guy on Bumble, had a great conversation, and arranged to meet up for drinks. He asked for my phone number and I said I’d prefer to keep it on the app until after we meet—nothing personal, just being careful. He immediately lost it, claimed I was accusing him of being a monster, and insisted that I must be planning to ghost him. I unmatched.
Multa Nocte (she/her/8647) 1 hour ago
There's a red flag, to think that everyone will somehow know you are safe when you might actually be Ted Bundy.
#15
I'm child free, he initially told me he was too, before admitting later he did want children. He fed me the classic line; "I thought if it was with the right guy you'd change your mind."
Nope.
Lucie Ebnerova, dating coach and founder of Luvidya, believes it's better to have a wish list rather than a checklist for your future relationship.
"This list should be open-ended and focused on your desire, not your demand," advises the dating expert.
As an example, she says, you could write: "I would love to live a family life and I’m open to having children with a loving partner, ready to invest in a relationship and we have amazing communication."
#16
A couple of years back, I was talking to a guy on a dating app. Had a stable career, had a happy life. We talked outside the app, and he called me one night. Little did I know that his "happy life" came from "multiple women (including crazy exes) chasing after him, stalking him", "I have a ton of money, I own a multi-million dollar house, I have a car elevator and have women as my maids to service me". At that point, I was like WHAT. IN. THE. HAREM. BS. DID I GET MYSELF INTO? It only got worse, he went from wanting to ask me out on an actual date to asking me to be someone to service him. Like hell no, get away from me. 🤦🏻♀️
Instantly blocked him and uninstalled dating apps altogether.
#17
I met him on a dating site and we had talked for months before meeting up. Eventually we had a perfectly normal and pleasant date, chatted for a couple of hours about all sorts and got on great. Little kiss at the end, agreed we'd like to see each other again. Very sweet.
I can't remember how, but I found out he'd got a child. Probably by Facebook stalking.
His dating profile specifically said that he had no children.
It just gave me double life vibes. I wouldn't expect to meet their child until we were well established but I found it strange to never mention there was one after months of talking. No thanks. .
Beak Hookage 1 hour ago
Everyone I know who has kids talks about them all the time, so this definitely sounds fishy.
#18
This one repeating phrase he said after every other sentence....
"You know what I mean"
I had to stop him on the phone and tell him no I don't know what you mean, will you explain it to me (and it was something I really didn't know anything about) and he got so mad at me. So I knew right then and there this wasn't gonna work and I told him that I didn't see us having the date that night and for that matter any night.
Ebnerova agrees that your checklist might be blinding you to the perfect person sitting right in front of you.
"Open yourself to diverse possibilities. Expand your circles and be open to meeting different kinds of people. You might be surprised by unexpected connections," the expert suggests. "Focus on fostering positive connections. Make people feel valued and appreciated in your presence. Even if they’re not your 'one,' they might introduce you to someone who is!"
Do you have a "list"? If so, what does it include? Let us know in the comments below...
#19
He started telling me what to do. No, I make my own decisions and some guy I just met doesn't get a say in them.
#20
Just generally bad at conversation. I wanna know your thoughts, ideas, judgements, everything lol and with some guys it’s like pulling teeth to get to know them.
Salty Sasquatch 1 hour ago
On a date after our first night together he says 'so, tell me things.' I was so pissed.
#21
His voice was so shrill I was done pretty much the moment he opened his mouth. 6’5”, former Green Beret, blonde, ran some kind of medical startup, owned a fancy home he was “just waiting for a wife and kids for”. Could not get past the voice. (Although he got kind of nasty when I declined a second date so maybe there was something subconscious going on.)
Next guy was a foot shorter and did not have that kind of fancy resume, but he has a beautiful voice and I married him.
#22
A full typed out lecture about how selfish I was for not wanting children. 🥴.
Beak Hookage 1 hour ago
No, it's selfish to have kids to "complete yourself" or "fix this relationship" or any other "justification" rather than "I want to be a parent and raise and love my children, who will be human beings to me, not cute accessories."
#23
A rich doctor with a really nice house. I asked for his last name coz I wanted to look him up online and he said no then proceeded to tell me he won’t move out of his parents place and that I have to leave my job to take care of his family.
#24
He was perfect on paper but every conversation felt like a job interview.
Beak Hookage 1 hour ago
"Can you tell me why you applied for this relationship? And can you explain this gap in your dating history?"
#25
Met a handsome Iranian attorney last year. In person he was still very much handsome and very successful but was definitely not 44 like he said online. He refused to tell me his real age until I googled. He was 64! Then he gaslit me about the whole thing.
Mind you, had he been honest I still would’ve gone out with him because I’m 42. It’s still a major gap but I would’ve given it a shot considering how in shape he was but the lying plus having never been married by 64? Not a red flag, it’s a red door to hell. I still think he’s lying about being single. .
#26
Went on a first date with a guy, it went well... Seemed really nice, same type of work, had moved away from family....
A few days later he wanted a second date but I was unwell. He was super pushy that he bring me something for what I had ( which was a sinus infection so unless he had antibiotics and a new head then no...) and I just kept telling him no and that I wanted to be left alone. He demanded he bring something for me and showed up with a 12 pack of Panadol (which would not help) then was pissed I wouldn't invite him inside my home..
I convinced myself he only wanted to help...
two days later at 10pm he told me he'd had a long day and his feet hurt. I told him to soak them and get a good night sleep.
The next day he went off. He was soooo kind as to bring me Panadol ( that I didn't need and specifically told him I didn't want) so how dare i not drop everything I was doing at 10pm drive to his house and rub his feet!
...ewww....
Mind you, at 10pm driving across town to his place rubbing his disgusting feet then driving home was out of the question on a work night let alone for a guy I had been on one date with. 🤮
He did try get a second date and I immediately shut it down, it was however awkward when he started coming into my work.
#27
Cringe Lord asked me to justify why he should go on a date with me. Phrased it as ‘you are a very attractive female, you must get asked out a lot. Tell me why I should go on a date with you’.
Me and my lady neck-beard doffed our fedora and continued on our way.
#28
He was inconsistent with communication. We had a 2nd date planned for 7pm that he planned and asked me on - and it was a location 30 minutes from me which he knew. I texted at 3:30 the day of to confirm, and he didn’t reply until 6pm and said he lost track of time. At that point I had already assumed he was going to not show up.
It sounds harsh when I type it out but as someone who likes consistent communication I just knew he wouldn’t be a fit for me.
#29
Treated me like a “princess” or in this case, a child… tried ordering my drink and meal without asking me, different things like that.
#30
We had a date scheduled to meet at a restaurant downtown and I asked to reschedule
Because I didn't want to commute in the absolute hell of a storm we were having & also I didn't want to ruin my hair ( curly hair ladies iykyk) first was the pressure to come out , politely said no and He went on and on about how I was missing out, how great he was and I would regret it. It was the grossest adult tantrum I've ever seen. That reschedule turned into a hard no. I have never been so turned off so quickly!
Glad I passed on this 'opportunity of a lifetime'.
#31
They called someone whose gender was ambiguous “it” 😟 Hate is so profoundly unattractive and weak.
#32
He created a fake female profile to befriend me and try to get insider info on me and how he was doing. Sadly for him I'm bi and his female persona was more attractive.
#33
He had a PhD in accounting and seemed interesting. It got as far as the first date. We'd ordered food at the restaurant and I was expecting a conversation that compared tastes in movies or music or sports.
Instead, he ransacked his entire family tree for distant blue eyed relatives and calculated his odds of having blue eyed children with me. Then he mused about how much it would impress his colleagues to return to his home country with a blonde American wife.
I kept a game face. But--wow. Just wow.
Insisted on paying my share of the bill at the end of the meal, then politely parted ways.
#34
He had so much Botox he had no micro expressions. I trust my eyes so it creeped me out to not be able to see intentions or motives or sincerity. I need micro expressions.
#35
He got angry when I asked for the location to be changed. I wanted coffee, he wanted to for a night walk through the Botanic gardens. That was enough for me. Anyone who doesn't understand the safety issues that women face is an immediate red flag.
#36
After the date he kept saying he wants to suck my toes lol.
#38
Turned down a second date because it came up on the first that he would like to have kids eventually. He was nice and very attractive, but we didn’t need to be wasting each other’s time.
#39
A polished profile means absolutely nothing when someone spends twenty minutes dissecting their failed relationship. That level of emotional baggage is an instant dealbreaker.
#40
Didn’t understand consent. also said I ticked off everything on his list of what he’s looking for in a partner. This was a first date. Felt icky that he had a “list” and that I ticked every box for him before he really knew me well.
#41
Being overbearing before meeting… messaging and if I haven’t replied in an hour they get annoyed or stroppy and we haven’t even met. So instant no .
#42
Was talking to a guy who suddenly went from YOU will do this and that to ok we do whatever you want...I ghosted him cause he came off as very predatory and not incline to take no for answer.his profile looked good came off as normal at first....
#43
I can think of several first dates where this was the case.
Once it was because the guy talked about his work for so long and in such exhaustive and minute detail that I got a headache from my resulting boredom. Another time it’s because the guy showed up stinky from a workout.
A third time, we were hitting it off and walking and talking after drinks. Then he dropped some red flags about all the CBT he’s done to control his temper and perfectionism. I just wasn’t ready to take on a relative stranger’s emotional baggage and potential anger issues so I slowly extricated myself from the date and told him later we weren’t a fit.
#44
Guy took me on a great date! At a later time, he wanted to go on another date but the way he demanded I pick him up was -something else. We’d only been on two dates and here he was demanding I use my car and commit to this relationship. It was weird. After about an hour of harassing text messages from him, I finally just blocked him. I don’t live a lifestyle where my partner doesn’t have his own car; which, in hindsight, he must’ve lied about -or just neglected to talk about- on that first date.
#45
He was obnoxious to waitstaff. He wasn’t rude exactly, just really particular about his orders (i.e. he wanted the square ice cube in his old fashioned). I said something about it because I hoped he would chill out, but he said he just had high standards. He didn’t seem to realize that he was being a bit extra and even thought he was chummy with the waiters. I saw their faces….
#46
He had an inflated sense of himself and came across as really arrogant. He loved weighing in on women’s issues like he knew better, tried to insert himself into my personal freedom, and gave off a very strong “putting on an act” vibe.
#47
He kept calling me darling and it just felt so patronising and disingenuous. I sent him a message to say I wasn’t feeling it and to take care, and he sent me a reply calling me darling and that it was obvious I wanted more from him than he could give me 🤢 literal ick city.
#49
He showed up wearing a tank top “wife beater” and Birkenstock for a restaurant date
I’m not getting dressed up for you to have barely even brushed your hair.
#52
My coworkers told me there was a guy applying for a job because he had a crush of me. He told 2 of my coworkers he liked me, but not me, and this was even before he was hired at my job.
He worked for a month before asking me out completely out of the blue. I barely knew the guy, and he hadn't told me he liked me so I turned him down. A week after that, he put in his two weeks.
One of my coworkers told me about week after he quit, he came in acting strange, asking if he needed to do certain work tasks. My coworker was like, "Dude, you don't work here anymore." He stood there like, "Oh." My coworker thinks he was high, but couldn't prove it.
#53
Tries to justify his inappropriate actions because his therapist said it was fine.
Multa Nocte (she/her/8647) 1 hour ago
Secret from a therapist - that isn't actually what we said, he just said that to justify his inappropriate actions.
#54
I hate pick me guys. They'll pretend to be into the same things you like just to impress you, then somehow end up trying to explain them to you lol.
#55
I friend zoned my husband because he had tweety bird floor mats. We still laugh about it. He got rid of the car and his new car came with new floor mats.... it was a hot car and he is hot! Lolol.
#56
He had a ripped and stained shirt. Not stylishly but because he simply didn't care. If he can't care for his things, or how he presents himself as his best self, then I did not want to see what his bad days were like.
#57
When they ask me on a date but then want me to plan it, pick the spot and do all the coordination. No thanks.
#58
This was a while ago.. He joked about bringing a white van and kidnapping kids. Maybe he has a dark sense of humour but that immediately creeped me out.
#59
We matched on a dating app and he immediately asked to go on a date and sent like five successive, short messages. Then when I told him I want to get to know someone first before meeting IRL he sent another series of short, nothing messages and asked a really banal question that showed he’d be basic company.
#60
The only date I ever was absolutely catfished. His profile picture was OK. He had some interesting hobbies. He invited me to a diner and then like an indoor roller derby -but not where women were roller derbying-more like everyone roller skating on their own with cool neon lights.
The problem was, I drove an hour for the date. He ate nothing. We both just had coffee. The service was awful. And I mentioned it, but that we should still leave a tip. *He paid for his coffee, not mine and told me that his mother had told him if you don’t have something nice to say then don’t say anything. It was really rude. The way he said it.
He looked nothing like his bit-of-a-blurry picture.
By the time we got to the roller rink, which I had not skated in 20 years, I just could not imagine him ‘catching’ me if I started to fall. I did not want his hands anywhere near me. I waited for him to put on his shoes, and I told him I wasn’t really feeling *comfortable, and I was gonna go ahead and leave.
Then I spent the evening with a girlfriend who was in the area. Just all around awkward and weird.
* Edit: literally the only two words in the entire paragraphs of text that was paid attention to even though the gist was easy to comprehend, I guess.
#62
He was handsome, funny, easy to talk with, and Brazilian. We chatted for a while about music and soccer, then he asked me to catch a movie with him the next day. Something clicked in my brain and I asked him what he thought about Bolsonaro. Oh well. It was fun while it lasted.
#65
The most specific one: he didn’t know what a podcast was. Like, hadn’t heard the word before. It was 2015. My career would never make sense to him.
#67
For me it's people who keep bouncing their leg. Doesn't matter who you are, I hate that.
And people who use 🤣 or :). Every single person I've met who texts like that has been terrible at having an actual conversation.
Biggest turn off though is when we're talking about something interesting and instead of diving into it they change the subject to the most boring thing imaginable. At that point I'm already checked out.
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