Legend has it that there are people who go to bed every night at sensible hours and fall asleep within the first 10 minutes, in a comfortable position and with the intent to sleep for the next seven to eight hours.
The majority of us, however, operate in two general modes. We either fall asleep at every possible opportunity if we are given more than five minutes of inactivity (much like a computer). In this case, the convenience of the sleeping position has very little relevance. The other alternative is that you won’t fall asleep, no matter how tired you are or how comfortable your bed is. You will lie in bed for hours, counting not only sheep but every farm animal you can remember, unfortunately, to no avail.
Believe it or not, both conditions are caused by lack of sleep and incorrect schedules. And no, this is no joking matter because it can seriously affect your health, so you should really consult a specialist if you recognized yourself in the previous paragraph.
Yet, some sleep puns and good night jokes can still be a nice first step to deal with the anxiety around sleep. If you have trouble sleeping, funny stories and jokes about sleeping may be a good way to relax until you finally fall asleep. And not surprisingly, sleep jokes are often told together with coffee jokes and coffee puns.
Whatever time it is in your part of the world right now, we wish you a good night’s sleep when you decide to go to bed. And if you have any fun sleep-related stories, share them in the comments.
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I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
My boss calls me 'the computer', not because of my calculation skills but because I go to sleep when left unattended for 15 minutes.
Insomnia is terrible. But on the plus side... Only three more sleeps till Christmas.
What do you call it when a kid is fighting going to sleep?
Resisting a rest.
My little cousin was showing off that he sleeps in a race car bed.
Jokes on him, I sleep in a real car.
I like to sleep with a bedside lamp on. My boyfriend says it’s weird.
I don’t know why, it makes a great hat.
How do you confirm that you have insomnia? You know that the farmer has 901 sheep.
Someone stole hundreds of cans of energy drinks from our local store.
I don’t know how they can sleep at night.
Do you think Jeff Bezos sleeps naked? Or with pajamazon?
I sleep with a knife under my pillow. You never know when someone is going to break in and give you a cake.
There is also the chance that you will accidentally stab yourself. I don't know about you but that's just a plus.
You know you’re getting older when happy hour is a nap.
Why did mom always tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
She didn’t want to wake up the sleeping pills.
Learning to sleep upside down is often hard for baby bats.
But they soon get the hang of it.
The urge to sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.
What do you do when you’re not sure if you like the new mattress you just bought?
You sleep on it.
If there is a king and queen-size mattress, where does the prince sleep?
On the heir mattress.
The patient said to the anesthesiologist, “Can I put myself to sleep?”
Anesthesiologist: “Knock yourself out!”
Did you hear about the lady who always goes to sleep on a chandelier?
She’s a light sleeper.
Why does the man eat yeast and shoe polish before he goes to sleep?
So that he can rise and shine.
A sumo wrestler once came to visit and ended up sleeping on my couch for a month.
It left a negative impression.
Why did the meatballs tell the spaghetti to close its eyes and go to sleep?
It was pasta bedtime.
If teleportation becomes a real thing, I’m just going to use it to zap myself to a different timezone and get three hours of extra sleep every night.
What should you do if you can’t go to sleep?
You lie on the bed’s edge and soon you’ll drop off.
What do you do when someone is tired and doesn’t know how to nap?
You give them a crash course.
What happened to the girl who was dreaming that she ate a huge marshmallow?
She woke up to find half her pillow gone!
What happens when you dream that you wrote ‘The Lord Of The Rings?’
You start Tolkien in your sleep.
I went to a gig last night and the band’s guitarist passed out on stage.
He must have rocked himself to sleep.
What happened when there was an arson at the mattress factory?
The staff couldn’t rest until they found the criminal.
I know someone who was habitually late until his doctor recommended sleeping in a herb garden.
Sounds odd, I know, but now he wakes up on thyme.
My partner asked why I put a watch on the bed before going to sleep.
I told her I wanted to wake up on time.
What do you call a giant mammal of the bison family that dwells in the mountains but can’t sleep?
An insomni-yak.
Do you know what’s common between insomnia and cashiers?
They will both give you bags and make you wretchedly uncomfortable.
Why is it difficult to get any specific information out of a bedding expert?
Because they are always making blanket statements.
What happens when you eat a memory foam mattress after a long time?
You remember that they taste far better than traditional mattresses.
Why did The Joker have to sleep with his lights on?
Because he was afraid of the Dark Knight.
I heard my teenager mumbling in her sleep. She kept repeating, "1,3,5,7,9"
Literally she can't even.
One thing I’m passionate about is ruining a trip by being unable to sleep the night before I leave.
Scientists have finally discovered exactly how much sleep a human needs.
“Just five minutes more.”
Why should you splurge on an expensive mattress for your bed?
So that you can have your dream vacation.
