Family Drama Kicks Off When Dad Sits Together With ‘Disowned’ Gay Son At Wife’s Funeral
Sophocles once said: “Children are the anchors that hold a mother to life.” But, as it turns out, not every mother feels this way about her offspring!
This Redditor’s wife never accepted her son’s sexuality and even tried to pretend that he didn’t exist. The OP, on the other hand, was always supportive and went against everyone’s beliefs and sat together with his kid at her funeral, which happened to cause quite a stir.
More info: Reddit
The woman and her side of the family never accepted her son’s sexuality
Image credits: Alexander Grey (not the actual photo)
His dad supported him and considered divorcing his mom – however, she got sick and eventually died
Image credits: Anna Tarazevich (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Vladimir Gladkov (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Conscious_Jury_7937
“AITA for sitting with my son at my wife’s funeral?” – this web user took to one of Reddit’s most judgmental communities to ask its members if he’s indeed a jerk for standing by his gay son and sitting with him at his homophobic wife’s funeral, enraging the entire family. The post managed to garner over 11K upvotes as well as 1.8K comments discussing the situation.
Did you know that according to a UK charity called Stonewall – a team of bold, passionate people who fight for the freedom, equity, and potential of LGBTQ+ folks everywhere – only half of lesbian and gay people, bi people (46%) and trans people (47%) feel able to be open about their sexual orientation or gender identity to everyone in their family?
It’s no big secret that having a supportive and loving family is the ultimate path to happiness and general emotional stability. But! Not everybody is this lucky. Beliefs influenced by culture or religion, fear, and misconceptions, lack of education, social stigma, or pressure from peers – whatever the reasoning is, some people, to this day, still find it hard to accept their kids’ true identities.
It’s incredibly heartbreaking knowing that the people who brought you into this world are finding it so impossible to do what parents are supposed to do – and that’s to love their offspring unconditionally. However, it’s crucial to remember that you’re not alone, and no matter how cliché it might sound, things will get better!
If you have found yourself in a similar situation, here are a few things you can do to make it all a tad easier: first things first, know your worth and prioritize your well-being; reach out to the people who you know you can rely on (that could be close friends, LGBTQ+ support groups, therapists, online communities, hotlines, etc.), and most importantly, set boundaries!
And remember, all we have to do is continue teaching, and the hearts will finally learn that love has no gender.
During her funeral, he went against everyone and sat together with him and his boyfriend, which caused a stir
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
Now, the author of today’s tale is a grand example of what a true parent is! The thing is, his late wife – upon finding out that their son is gay – decided that the best way to handle him being open with her was to disown him. The guy came out when he was 16 and eventually moved out at 19 to go live with his boyfriend; the woman tried to pretend that he didn’t exist, which resulted in him and his father, the OP, becoming distant.
The man was looking into divorce – however, the woman fell sick, and he put everything on hold to care for her until she passed away.
The woman’s family, who also shared her intolerant beliefs, made it clear that at her funeral, her son and his boyfriend were only allowed to sit at the back, away from everyone else; yet, the Redditor did not let it slide and sat together with his child, which eventually kicked up a big storm.
The unfortunate events then prompted the man to take it online to hear out some unbiased opinions and find out whether his family is indeed a “disgrace”; however, the online community members collectively assured him that he did everything a great father would do.
What is your take on this situation, though?
Fellow online community members shared their thoughts and opinions
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“She died as she lived: Full of hate and bigotry. Her family live on in a way that honours her legacy: As hate-filled c***s.” Not what I’d want on my tombstone, but each to their own.
It's sad people have family like this. I came out to my mom at 14. She was a very religious person. But we never cut contact and we became friends later in life. We had many debates and discussions. She loved me and wanted me to be happy. She even asked me to start dating someone so she could have grand pets. I have hosted Thanksgiving and New years at my house for extended family from Mom's side. Again, all very religious. I have been out to everyone for 30 years. If you love someone you love them. And family is family. Good on the OP for supporting his child. He doesn't need bigots in his life and he shouldn't be worried about losing family that isn't worth having.
Thanks for sharing your story —it’s needed bit of hope after reading about rubbish families rejecting their kid. Family is family indeed 👍
Load More Replies... Dad should have divorced his hatred spewing ogre, er wife, the moment she started treating their child that way. I don't understand it. Why put another human on the planet if you're not going to keep it safe when they're unable to protect themselves?
We don't know if he maintained contact with his son, my guess is he did. He may have loved them both I mean he created the son with her because they were in love from that right? Not easy to just flick a switch when so much emotion is involved but he did give up eventually. Turns out he couldn't abandon a sick woman at that point though and I can't help but respect him for that. I imagine there's no easy road for him and I feel his pain. Her family on the other hand....screw them.
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In all of this, I don't understand why the family of the late wife has so much traction. Unless this is a cultural thing that I'm totally unaware of, the spouse/children make the necessary arrangements and everyone else be damned. If it were ME in that situation, I'd have proudly told that bunch bigots to f**k directly off and if they don't like the presence of my son SIT OUTSIDE or go home and keep your venom among you.
"I chose my son over my wife." No, sweetie, your wife chose her hate over her own child. And even when faced with her own mortality, she chose to hang onto that hate and punish that poor boy even more. What you did was, frankly, bare minimum. If you love your son and other family members are choosing hate over him, why are you even still talking to these people?
I'm mad dad never divorced wife. Seriously- 8 years later?! What about when son was a minor having to deal with her rejection? Then at the funeral- it's his wife. He should've had son and son's BF right in the front row with him and daughter. You know- immediate family. Allowing the rest of the family to bully you to the back is chickenshit. And now you want kudos.
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At least in my country the spouse rights are higher than the rest of the family. He could have organized the funerals any way he wanted. OP should have made clear his wife relatives were not welcome unless they behave in a civil manner to his son
It is a sad world where hate overrides reason. It is sadder still when those who do not give into that stupidity question if they're "wrong" for doing so. You are never wrong when you reject bigotry.
I am a mother, I have a son. I can't even wrap my mind around what it would take for me to turn my back on him, but it sure as hell wouldn't be because he was gay. What the actual f**k is wrong with people?
This right here. I love my son. Every part of him. From his painted finger nails to his love of monster trucks and pokemon. If he came out to me as gay there's only one thing I would say. Bring your boyfriend around so I can cook for him.
Load More Replies... I can't believe someone would need to internet to tell them they're not an AH because they're supportive of their son. OP needs a good support system ASAP if he can't see what he did was right.
A lot of people go to AITA just to hear it. There are often so many other voices in their life screaming the opposite.
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Yes, how dare you show support for your living child instead of honoring the bigotry and hatred of your dead wife, whom you were planning to divorce but didn't because you have empathy and supported her when she got cancer. You horrible man. /s
Ya. I call b******t on this being a real story. No one would need to ask if they were the ah on this story. I'd say it's fake.
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Wow as a mother myself, I would never understand how a parent could be so cold-hearted and selfish towards their own children.
You didnt lose family, you lost terrible human beings. You are an amazing dad and absolutely NTA.
I assume you mean the father, why do you say that.
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Well, with this chapter ended, you don't have to see them anymore. Done.
That brother should straight up have been told that his sister is dead, and that that means she no longer exists and neither have the ability to sense what is going on nor care. Therefore is no "siding with her" anymore, and the brother who tried to shame hime to comply, ought to be told how lousy it was of him to try that aproach. OP's son, on the other hand, is very much alive at the moment and needs some support as he has just lost his mother, which means that he is going through some rough time, especially given how his family is treating him for something that basically is none of their business.
Any person that told me to cut my child out of my life would be the one I cut out. You don't have to approve of somebodies lifestyle to love them. Unfortunately, we live in a society driven by media/social media/politics that teaches if you don't think alike, you must hate them.
Of course he is not the a*****e here. But I'm wondering why HER family is calling the shots when it is HIS wife being buried. I don't know the rules but if my wife died, it is me and our kids who are immediate family. It'll probably be us making all the arrangements and all.
In a room full of Hateful Blackhearted AH, you were a shining beacon of light and love. Your wife’s family has no room to judge you. I’m sorry you and your son had to experience this hate. The fact that neither of you abandoned her speaks volumes about your character. How is your relationship with your daughter? Your son’s relationship with his sister?
Ok, I know I've said this about others, but how is this even a question?! Yes-OP is NOT!!!
We need an opposite to NTA, like maybe YTH (You the hero). Typically I wouldn't say you are a hero just for doing the right thing, but doing the right thing by your son, taking care of hateful wife when she needed help, are more than most people would take on. The world needs more of you!
Let me break this down. This guy somehow needs the internet to tell him he's NTA because he confidently chose his gay son over his racist in-laws. He's the AH for posting a story where he is clearly not the AH. People that use this forum for an ego boost are lame. Or this story is BS.
I couldn't ever imagine cutting my boys off, especially over something that brings joy into their lives
As a mother myself, this makes me absolutely SICK & my heart hurt!! Had anyone of our children come to me and told me they were gay, transgender, transsexual, lesbian... pink purple, gray... I DO NOT CARE! They are still my child. All that I would care is that they felt love and acceptance from the person they had chosen (as I do now). If you are reading this and need a mom & dad because yours have unaccepted you because of whom you have chosen to love or be.. guess what?! Call me your new momma! I got you babies!
this makes me so sad. the son wasn’t supported by his own mother. just because he is gay, it doesn’t change who he is. op is not the a*****e. he was showing love and support for his son and grieving with him. i wish them both a healthy and happy life, and i hope op’s in-laws begin showing support too.
Funeral is for the surviving. So the choice isn't between him and her, it's between his son and his ex-inlaws; seems easy choice. I don't understand the "tension between the two families" --- going forward they're all total strangers, unless the not-mentioned-again 27F hangs out with her mother's side.
Esh, except your son. Frankly, you should have stood up to your wife from day one and not let it go until she got sick. You also should have reminded your in laws that you were the widower and paying for the funeral and you and your son will sit in your place in the front row. Anyone who doesn’t like it can leave.
At least he's got rid of all the dead weight now. Poor young man, thank god the dad got the balls to stand with his child.
Going to a funeral for two reasons: for grief and to support those who need it (most).
Honestly, the poor guy had to have SOMEONE on his side! As far as his so-called “family” goes, it’s none of their goddamn business if one relative decides to show some kindness on an occasion which is usually heartbreaking (yet I only feel heartbreak for the shunned son). If one relative wants to be nice, that’s THEIR choice & the “family” have zero right to try & force them to be as nasty as they are! I can understand, because I had 2 “fake Christian” aunts who showed up to my gay uncle’s bedside when he was dying from cancer & they insisted that he “repent”, then fought over his possessions when he died (my mum & I were both furious & we’ve hardly seen them since). Honestly, when it comes to personal stuff like sexuality, some people need to get a life & quit being petty over something that’s not even their business. I hope OP’s son continues living his best life & finds someone who will become his new family. 💖
Well, mom was probably looking up from her final destination and regretting her poor choices.
You and your son will sit together again someday - in heaven after you both die. You don't have to worry about your wife's family showing hostility then - they will not be present.
Oh no... bad feelings between the families... (It's almost like you don't need to hear from, deal with, or contact those hateful c***s ever again. Good riddance to bad rubbish... on all counts.)
Direct family first, extended second. I'm an old, very conservative male, but I told my son I loved him no matter what, when he told me. I meant it with all my heart
Dont have kids with somebody who would disown them for beiny gay or trans. This should have been a conversation before they had children
Hire out a billboard put the details on it where they live.....let the world see them as they are
Upvote to counter balance the downvotes you got lol
Load More Replies... as messed up as this sounds id go no contact. if i had a kid who was gay and my husbands side didnt except it and my husband passed. the moment they called me a disgrace for choosing my kid would b the moment i never see them again. id b more proud about telling my kid they have a safe place to go to if needed. my friend dealt with a similar situation. both her parents werent accepting of the fact she was a lesbian and neither was anyone in her family. her girlfriends family was the same way. even tho my mom was kinda homophobic at the time she let my friend and her girlfriend stay over wenever they needed a safe place. even tho my parents were kinda homophobic i had known this friend since kindergarden and they didnt want to turn them away like the rest of the world did. eventually my parents stopped being homophobic and decided to talk to their families. mainly bc my friend went to my parents asking wat the best way to propose would b. my parents eventually convinced my friends family and the girlfriends family that they should b accepting. in the end my friend and her girlfriend got happily married with all friends and family happy for them. idk y ppl arent accepting. if ur son or daughter finds the person they want to b with same gender or not then wat does it matter? their happiness is the only thing that should matter. my parents learned that from seeing how happy my friend was wen she would stay at my house. the fact my friend felt comfortable enough to ask my parents for advice made them happy too. its also made them sad bc the questions she asked were things she shouldve been asking her parents. its wat drove them to change her family's views on her relationship. i wish everyone can have a view change but unfortunately not everyone is the same. although not everyone encounters someone as pushy as my mom. wen my mom wants something to go her way she can b very pushy and very convincing. she definitely saved my friend from a life of misery tho. good thing too bc we ended up moving a year later. both me and my parents get holiday cards from them every year. they moved upstate and have a little farm. their card started with just my friend, her wife and their dog but over the past decade theyve added horses, mini pigs, rabbits, a cat, 2 highland mini cows, ducks, chickens and 4 goats. i havent told my mom yet but this year their christmas card is going to have a new addition. they recently adopted a daughter. i saw on facebook about a week ago. i hope the OP gives his son the life he deserves. hes already off to great start.
there is a time and a place for opposing views. a funeral isn’t that time or place. they should be grieving together, whether son is gay or not. they lost someone important to all of them but instead of seeing that, op’s ex in-laws decided to make a huge deal of his son’s sexuality. i’m glad your sister is happy on her own, living a great life. in the sons life, he’s got one supporter from his family. they should have been together instead of separating them, they are all grieving and they all need to put their opinions aside. they can have their opinions, but they need to be respectful.
Load More Replies... “She died as she lived: Full of hate and bigotry. Her family live on in a way that honours her legacy: As hate-filled c***s.” Not what I’d want on my tombstone, but each to their own.
It's sad people have family like this. I came out to my mom at 14. She was a very religious person. But we never cut contact and we became friends later in life. We had many debates and discussions. She loved me and wanted me to be happy. She even asked me to start dating someone so she could have grand pets. I have hosted Thanksgiving and New years at my house for extended family from Mom's side. Again, all very religious. I have been out to everyone for 30 years. If you love someone you love them. And family is family. Good on the OP for supporting his child. He doesn't need bigots in his life and he shouldn't be worried about losing family that isn't worth having.
Thanks for sharing your story —it’s needed bit of hope after reading about rubbish families rejecting their kid. Family is family indeed 👍
Load More Replies... Dad should have divorced his hatred spewing ogre, er wife, the moment she started treating their child that way. I don't understand it. Why put another human on the planet if you're not going to keep it safe when they're unable to protect themselves?
We don't know if he maintained contact with his son, my guess is he did. He may have loved them both I mean he created the son with her because they were in love from that right? Not easy to just flick a switch when so much emotion is involved but he did give up eventually. Turns out he couldn't abandon a sick woman at that point though and I can't help but respect him for that. I imagine there's no easy road for him and I feel his pain. Her family on the other hand....screw them.
Load More Replies... In all of this, I don't understand why the family of the late wife has so much traction. Unless this is a cultural thing that I'm totally unaware of, the spouse/children make the necessary arrangements and everyone else be damned. If it were ME in that situation, I'd have proudly told that bunch bigots to f**k directly off and if they don't like the presence of my son SIT OUTSIDE or go home and keep your venom among you.
"I chose my son over my wife." No, sweetie, your wife chose her hate over her own child. And even when faced with her own mortality, she chose to hang onto that hate and punish that poor boy even more. What you did was, frankly, bare minimum. If you love your son and other family members are choosing hate over him, why are you even still talking to these people?
I'm mad dad never divorced wife. Seriously- 8 years later?! What about when son was a minor having to deal with her rejection? Then at the funeral- it's his wife. He should've had son and son's BF right in the front row with him and daughter. You know- immediate family. Allowing the rest of the family to bully you to the back is chickenshit. And now you want kudos.
Load More Replies... At least in my country the spouse rights are higher than the rest of the family. He could have organized the funerals any way he wanted. OP should have made clear his wife relatives were not welcome unless they behave in a civil manner to his son
It is a sad world where hate overrides reason. It is sadder still when those who do not give into that stupidity question if they're "wrong" for doing so. You are never wrong when you reject bigotry.
I am a mother, I have a son. I can't even wrap my mind around what it would take for me to turn my back on him, but it sure as hell wouldn't be because he was gay. What the actual f**k is wrong with people?
This right here. I love my son. Every part of him. From his painted finger nails to his love of monster trucks and pokemon. If he came out to me as gay there's only one thing I would say. Bring your boyfriend around so I can cook for him.
Load More Replies... I can't believe someone would need to internet to tell them they're not an AH because they're supportive of their son. OP needs a good support system ASAP if he can't see what he did was right.
A lot of people go to AITA just to hear it. There are often so many other voices in their life screaming the opposite.
Load More Replies... Yes, how dare you show support for your living child instead of honoring the bigotry and hatred of your dead wife, whom you were planning to divorce but didn't because you have empathy and supported her when she got cancer. You horrible man. /s
Ya. I call b******t on this being a real story. No one would need to ask if they were the ah on this story. I'd say it's fake.
Load More Replies... Wow as a mother myself, I would never understand how a parent could be so cold-hearted and selfish towards their own children.
You didnt lose family, you lost terrible human beings. You are an amazing dad and absolutely NTA.
I assume you mean the father, why do you say that.
Load More Replies... Well, with this chapter ended, you don't have to see them anymore. Done.
That brother should straight up have been told that his sister is dead, and that that means she no longer exists and neither have the ability to sense what is going on nor care. Therefore is no "siding with her" anymore, and the brother who tried to shame hime to comply, ought to be told how lousy it was of him to try that aproach. OP's son, on the other hand, is very much alive at the moment and needs some support as he has just lost his mother, which means that he is going through some rough time, especially given how his family is treating him for something that basically is none of their business.
Any person that told me to cut my child out of my life would be the one I cut out. You don't have to approve of somebodies lifestyle to love them. Unfortunately, we live in a society driven by media/social media/politics that teaches if you don't think alike, you must hate them.
Of course he is not the a*****e here. But I'm wondering why HER family is calling the shots when it is HIS wife being buried. I don't know the rules but if my wife died, it is me and our kids who are immediate family. It'll probably be us making all the arrangements and all.
In a room full of Hateful Blackhearted AH, you were a shining beacon of light and love. Your wife’s family has no room to judge you. I’m sorry you and your son had to experience this hate. The fact that neither of you abandoned her speaks volumes about your character. How is your relationship with your daughter? Your son’s relationship with his sister?
Ok, I know I've said this about others, but how is this even a question?! Yes-OP is NOT!!!
We need an opposite to NTA, like maybe YTH (You the hero). Typically I wouldn't say you are a hero just for doing the right thing, but doing the right thing by your son, taking care of hateful wife when she needed help, are more than most people would take on. The world needs more of you!
Let me break this down. This guy somehow needs the internet to tell him he's NTA because he confidently chose his gay son over his racist in-laws. He's the AH for posting a story where he is clearly not the AH. People that use this forum for an ego boost are lame. Or this story is BS.
I couldn't ever imagine cutting my boys off, especially over something that brings joy into their lives
As a mother myself, this makes me absolutely SICK & my heart hurt!! Had anyone of our children come to me and told me they were gay, transgender, transsexual, lesbian... pink purple, gray... I DO NOT CARE! They are still my child. All that I would care is that they felt love and acceptance from the person they had chosen (as I do now). If you are reading this and need a mom & dad because yours have unaccepted you because of whom you have chosen to love or be.. guess what?! Call me your new momma! I got you babies!
this makes me so sad. the son wasn’t supported by his own mother. just because he is gay, it doesn’t change who he is. op is not the a*****e. he was showing love and support for his son and grieving with him. i wish them both a healthy and happy life, and i hope op’s in-laws begin showing support too.
Funeral is for the surviving. So the choice isn't between him and her, it's between his son and his ex-inlaws; seems easy choice. I don't understand the "tension between the two families" --- going forward they're all total strangers, unless the not-mentioned-again 27F hangs out with her mother's side.
Esh, except your son. Frankly, you should have stood up to your wife from day one and not let it go until she got sick. You also should have reminded your in laws that you were the widower and paying for the funeral and you and your son will sit in your place in the front row. Anyone who doesn’t like it can leave.
At least he's got rid of all the dead weight now. Poor young man, thank god the dad got the balls to stand with his child.
Going to a funeral for two reasons: for grief and to support those who need it (most).
Honestly, the poor guy had to have SOMEONE on his side! As far as his so-called “family” goes, it’s none of their goddamn business if one relative decides to show some kindness on an occasion which is usually heartbreaking (yet I only feel heartbreak for the shunned son). If one relative wants to be nice, that’s THEIR choice & the “family” have zero right to try & force them to be as nasty as they are! I can understand, because I had 2 “fake Christian” aunts who showed up to my gay uncle’s bedside when he was dying from cancer & they insisted that he “repent”, then fought over his possessions when he died (my mum & I were both furious & we’ve hardly seen them since). Honestly, when it comes to personal stuff like sexuality, some people need to get a life & quit being petty over something that’s not even their business. I hope OP’s son continues living his best life & finds someone who will become his new family. 💖
Well, mom was probably looking up from her final destination and regretting her poor choices.
You and your son will sit together again someday - in heaven after you both die. You don't have to worry about your wife's family showing hostility then - they will not be present.
Oh no... bad feelings between the families... (It's almost like you don't need to hear from, deal with, or contact those hateful c***s ever again. Good riddance to bad rubbish... on all counts.)
Direct family first, extended second. I'm an old, very conservative male, but I told my son I loved him no matter what, when he told me. I meant it with all my heart
Dont have kids with somebody who would disown them for beiny gay or trans. This should have been a conversation before they had children
Hire out a billboard put the details on it where they live.....let the world see them as they are
Upvote to counter balance the downvotes you got lol
Load More Replies... as messed up as this sounds id go no contact. if i had a kid who was gay and my husbands side didnt except it and my husband passed. the moment they called me a disgrace for choosing my kid would b the moment i never see them again. id b more proud about telling my kid they have a safe place to go to if needed. my friend dealt with a similar situation. both her parents werent accepting of the fact she was a lesbian and neither was anyone in her family. her girlfriends family was the same way. even tho my mom was kinda homophobic at the time she let my friend and her girlfriend stay over wenever they needed a safe place. even tho my parents were kinda homophobic i had known this friend since kindergarden and they didnt want to turn them away like the rest of the world did. eventually my parents stopped being homophobic and decided to talk to their families. mainly bc my friend went to my parents asking wat the best way to propose would b. my parents eventually convinced my friends family and the girlfriends family that they should b accepting. in the end my friend and her girlfriend got happily married with all friends and family happy for them. idk y ppl arent accepting. if ur son or daughter finds the person they want to b with same gender or not then wat does it matter? their happiness is the only thing that should matter. my parents learned that from seeing how happy my friend was wen she would stay at my house. the fact my friend felt comfortable enough to ask my parents for advice made them happy too. its also made them sad bc the questions she asked were things she shouldve been asking her parents. its wat drove them to change her family's views on her relationship. i wish everyone can have a view change but unfortunately not everyone is the same. although not everyone encounters someone as pushy as my mom. wen my mom wants something to go her way she can b very pushy and very convincing. she definitely saved my friend from a life of misery tho. good thing too bc we ended up moving a year later. both me and my parents get holiday cards from them every year. they moved upstate and have a little farm. their card started with just my friend, her wife and their dog but over the past decade theyve added horses, mini pigs, rabbits, a cat, 2 highland mini cows, ducks, chickens and 4 goats. i havent told my mom yet but this year their christmas card is going to have a new addition. they recently adopted a daughter. i saw on facebook about a week ago. i hope the OP gives his son the life he deserves. hes already off to great start.
there is a time and a place for opposing views. a funeral isn’t that time or place. they should be grieving together, whether son is gay or not. they lost someone important to all of them but instead of seeing that, op’s ex in-laws decided to make a huge deal of his son’s sexuality. i’m glad your sister is happy on her own, living a great life. in the sons life, he’s got one supporter from his family. they should have been together instead of separating them, they are all grieving and they all need to put their opinions aside. they can have their opinions, but they need to be respectful.
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