Brother Introducing His Fiancée At A Family Event Takes A Turn When His Sister Recognizes Her High School Bully And Sheds Light On Her Past
We are often kind enough to forgive others and ourselves for their mistakes in order to move forward and grow. It is probably this kind of acceptance that Oscar Wilde had in mind when he insisted every saint to have a past and every sinner to have a future. However, letting go of the misdeeds without a person taking responsibility, acknowledging they did us wrong and are willing to change might mean indulging such behavior and enabling them to keep on hurting us, so it is only fair that we refuse to play along and and refuse to “forget”. As did this Redditor when she met her high school bully at a family dinner.
More info: Reddit
A man got angry at his sister for exposing his fiancée for bullying her in high school at a family event
Image credits: Kobe (not the actual photo)
A woman came to meet her brother’s fiancée only to find that her future SIL is her high school bully
Image credits: weddingplabber
Image credits: Yan Krukau (not the actual photo)
Image credits: weddingplabber
Image credits: TranStudios Photography & Video (no the actual photo)
Image credits: weddingplabber
The woman felt sick seeing her again
Image credits: Soulseeker (not the actual photo)
Her brother’s fiancée claimed to not remember bullying his sister in high school
This woman had an unpleasant experience of recognizing her high school bully at a family dinner, where her ex-bully wasn’t simply a passerby with not much of an agenda, but quite on the contrary, she was her brother’s fiancée that the family was about to meet for the first time, as no one knew he even had a girlfriend.
That is not to say that people do not make mistakes, especially with high school being one of the first arenas in many people’s lives where we try various roles that possibly, and to be honest, hopefully, change or evolve as we gain more experience in life. However, as this woman got a chance to talk the issue through with her brother, he brought up that his fiancée’s excuse was that she did not remember doing anything wrong to his sister.
As the original poster explained, in high school, her interaction with “Annika” wasn’t about just bumping into each other occasionally, but consisted of being close friends until she found out that “Annika” was spreading lies about her, which eventually turned her life into hell right up until they graduated. So much so that after all this time, the woman felt sick seeing “Annika” again.
Having in mind that both women are in their mid-twenties at the moment, there is almost no way “Annika” truly cannot remember her misdeeds, while it’s quite understandable that she does not want to remember. As neither woman talked or acknowledged each other during the party, it took one question from this woman’s aunt, as she was persistent to make the woman answer it and didn’t let her change the subject, to make her finally snap and spill the truth about the past of her brother’s fiancée as well as about how she felt about it.
The woman’s aunt insisted she share her feelings, so she opened up about their past
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
The woman’s brother called her a horrible person for embarrassing his fiancée and insisted she apologize
This led to her brother being angry at her and demanding she apologize for embarrassing Annika in front of the family over “high school drama”. So eventually, the disagreement was about who had to apologize. The woman’s brother was insisting his fiancée could not apologize for something she could not remember and that it was his sister who should apologize.
The woman had a good reason to believe there was no way Annika could not remember, but only wanted it to slide in order to not take responsibility for her actions. However, she refused to let it slide and pretend that there was no history between them without at least being apologized to.
In her study The Psychology Of Offering an Apology: Understanding the Barriers To Apologizing And How To Overcome Them, Karina Schumann noted that after an offense, a person often gets to decide whether to apologize and if so, how to apologize. The decision of whether to apologize and how to apologize often highly influences both people who are involved in a conflict as well as their relationship.
And even though high-quality apologies are extremely effective in getting people to reconcile, people often choose to not ask for an apology, to be defensive, or to only give a pseudo-apology lacking in remorse. For this reason, Schumann lists three barriers to offering high-quality apologies and these include low concern for the victim or relationship, perceived threat to one’s self-image, and thinking that the apology won’t be effective. Schumann suggests that these barriers can be overcome by targeting the problematic psychology behind them.
Redditors agreed this woman was not being a jerk, while some pointed out that “not remembering” is convenient for bullies
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Even if I couldn't remember - if someone said I had done something terrible and others confirmed it, I'd apologise. And I would INSIST on talking things through with that person before marrying their brother. Annika is TA, so is the brother, so are the parents. It's telling how those who weren't hurt insist on "it was so long ago, it's okay now".
Yes. People change, former bullies can grow up to be good people but part of that is owning up to who they were in the past. Heck in a situation like that I'd apologize to the person I supposedly wronged even if I was unsure I actually did anything wrong and then talk to them privately about it later.
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Bullying has a huge impact on a person, for a very very long time. I think OP is in her right. The best Annika could have done is take OP apart beforehand and talk about it, ask forgiveness.
You're exactly right. It seems her brother steered the issue away from any kind of possible resolution ahead of time and wanted to keep it a secret. Her brother is just as disgusting as her bully. He knew exactly who she was and what she was about and compromised his own morals and his relationship with his sister because he was thinking with the wrong head. He wanted to maintain a sexual relationship with a person that he knows is a liar and a bully. Now, he wants to marry her and expects his sister to bend to his will. They all need to get their heads out of their A$$E$ and remember the hêll that his sister went through. Annika needs to take a long walk off a short pier. I'd never do this to my family members.
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I dont know if anyone has seen the movie You Again with Betty White, Sigourney Weaver, Kristen Bell and Jamie Lee Curtis. But this is the exact plot to the movie. Except no one in the family remembered the bully, but the bully pretended not to remember the sister when her and broker got engaged and it was all for show. Funny movie.
The names aren't the only thing fake here. Who refers to their bully by first and last names. Anika Jones is so mean to me brother! Then years later when brother hears her full name again he recognizes it, and puts together it's the bully.
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She obviously remembers. The bullying took place in high school, for years, and they are in their mid-twenties, it's not like it was one single comment happened 70 years ago, c'mon. And if she was changed she would have apologized. How hard that would be? "Hi, yes I recognize you, I know I bullied you for years, but I fully regret it and I sincerely apologize. I really love your brother and I hope we can all get along" of something like this. Instead she immediately cried. Uhm, ok drama queen. No, she knows, she remembers, she still doesn't care. For her brother's sake, I hope they don't get married, she seems an awful person.
People who pretend to be your friends just to torment you are the WORST. Seriously, why? I experienced this myself. There were two of them. Two Jennifers. They stole all kinds of things from me that I really loved and either got from my parents or other friends. I'm also pretty sure they spread rumours about me, which isolated me from many others. I'm on the spectrum, so I didn't catch on until I spotted one of them opening up a bottle of glue in my desk and laying it on its side so that it would destroy everything in my desk. Thankfully it was a gel glue, so it was slow and I was able to stop it before it leaked. I just stopped talking to both of them after that. F-you, Jennifer and Jennifer. You gave me so many trust issues that still plague me. I was never anything but nice to both of you and I didn't deserve that treatment. I still want my stuff back.
I wish and wish and wish I could name that b***h (aka my best friend) who put me through hell in 8th grade, then got my "friend" to help her in 9th grade. I couldn't care less that "aww, bullies can change 🥺🥰" because they still deserve torment. Burn in hell, you two.
Load More Replies... So-according to the brothers logic,-if this nightmare of a hosebeast he insists on marrying, murdered someone but then "forgot" does that mean she isn't liable for her actions? I really hate how often abusers use this excuse (ESPECIALLY parents). Oh, that, oh I do t remember doing it so it's your issue and not mine....the brother and his monster can GET ABSOLUTELY FÜCKED
Bullies never remember because it meant nothing to them. In school I was an awkward girl who was overweight with acne and this boy and his friend used to embarras me me by "asking me on a date" and putting their arms around me. It was humiliating. I have been married to his brother for 37 years and he is a total loser who lives with his mom at 63. He totally doesn't remember harassing me but I got the last laugh by living a good life and his family loves me but him him not so much. I win.
NTA, but the brother is very much the AH for keeping it from his own sister... and clearly Annika is lying.. if the OP was just some random girl then sure maybe she could have forgotten.. but since she was the OP's friend, no she is clearly lying... I would demand an apology from your brother.
one of the bullies i had in high school had a habit of spreading rumors about me that would result in a relationship ending. she always laughed at me and said that id grow up to b an unmarried alone grumpy woman. fast forward 5 years ago. she heard thru the grapevine that i was engaged. she messaged me asking me if i was actually engaged or if it was fake. she was clearly still a bully but anyways. i told her to wait and see i even friended her bc i kno my friends and how they r. fast forward to my wedding. my friends r already posting stuff. then the next day everyone posted all the pictures they took. apparently my former bully was furious i wasnt pretending. she thought she was better then me at everything and here i m having the life she wanted. she messaged me nonstop until i answered 4 days after my wedding. we couldnt do a honeymoon so we stayed at a beachfront hotel in the state we live in for 4 days after the wedding. thanks covid. anyways wen i finally answered i asked wat she wanted. i wish i didnt ask bc it was basically a very long message about how she hates me and wants my life bc she cant get anything she wants not even a simple boyfriend. i asked if shed apologize for high school she said no so i gave her a slap of reality. i told her all the things wrong with my life. im on disability, i cant get my dream job bc of my anxeity disorder, i cant have kids without dealing with 5 doctors and med changes bc of my epilepsy, i still cant drive, i just kept going on and on. then finally i told her these words. "what i do have is a husband who thinks im the most beautiful and sweetest woman ever. do u kno y? i respect everyone and never judge or bully." i blocked her after i said that. i figured it was better to let her realize karma is a b!tch on her own. shes still single and still cant keep a job from wat my friends tell me. i personally feel terrible and feel bad for her. i just thought she should kno the truth. if ur a bully and judge ppl constantly the chances of u finding happiness r slim. one of my friends happened to work with her and her attitude is wat got her fired. she was basically HR's nightmare and they had enough of the complaints and abuse. her attitude and actions r probably y she cant keep a job or find a boyfriend. i was honestly hoping that if i ever talked to her again shed apologize and wed b friends but she didnt change at all.
Hmmmm, maybe if she wasn't such a b***h. Sounds like she's gotten exactly what she deserves.
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She remembers. A bully never forgets the people they made miserable. Even if they did change to become a better person and are now remorseful about their past, they remember. The biggest thing is that the bully has to apologize and attempt to make amends.
The bully is clearly a terrible person. The brother is clearly disloyal and appears to be a (rather transparent) liar. But is nobody going to call out the OP’s parents? “ My parents remember Annika and they're mostly on my side because they witnessed firsthand how bad it was (Carter was already in college at that point). But they're still pressuring me to apologize to keep the peace.” Yeah, your life was made hell. But you should suck it up. Nobody has your back here, OP. And that sucks.
Your feelings are valid. She absolutely remembers. She should apologize so healing can begin. I am totally with the OP.
Something for your brother and family to think about. Would she make a loving and caring wife and/or mother? Is she going to be psychologically abusive to your brother and any possible children?She will probably manipulate your brother into alienating all family members and break him down psychologically.
I went through so much c**p and bullying from a few random girls in school. One from when I was 5 an she was 7/8. Through to junior high as she left an I started. Then in high school she attacked me one day in the halls an I let it all out on her in a fight. She kept at it for a few more years. Even to the point I feared going out because she hung with some of my other friends. Sho weren't friends I later found out an haven't spoken to them when I did. I ran into her about 5 or so years later an she tried to be nice to me but I just walked away. They remember. Trust me. And I'm sure she knew when she dated him an saw photos or he spoke about his family to her. The two of you need to go into a room an have him an your parents there an see if she will apologize. If not then your parents need to talk to your brother how stressed and hurtful she was an made you become. He can have her or he can have his family. Seems pretty fast for an engagement too.
Hopefully she isn't stringing him along to get a better life with your family or to break up with him as another slap to your family. She needs to open up an fix it. Not you. No one else. You were assaulted by her verbally or physically but she got off to life a easy life. Not fair at all.
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Bad creative writing attempt. Not real at all. "Hey family I'm engaged! I'm getting married!" Family: "No follow up questions. I guess we will meet her and learn her name at the upcoming party."
I'm definitely in the minority but I think that ESH. The brother and family for blind siding OP. They were all there to witness the abuse and thought everything would be peachy keen? Every knows how emotionally destructive bullying can be and the lasting impact. The aunt is an AH for pushing a subject that was clearly for being skirted around. The OP , while understandably was upset, exploding like that. She was not set up for success in this situation and honestly probably should have recognized that and wither left or been more tactful in her response ie. "I'm glad my brother found happiness." The bully is the AH for not only being a bully but completely ignoring it. We know so much about bullying and how typically they are modeling parental behavior, suffer abuse them selves or have mental health issues. By completely dismissing it by "not remembering" caused soooo much more harm. Basically ESH because everyone could have behaved differently.
annika is still on a mission to make OP's life hellish... taking down her brother now, next her entire family... dont know what op has done to annika.... scary!
Saying, "I don't remember" is a guilty person deflecting. When a victim brings it up and you cry and run away it shows guilt and no remorse for your actions. She could have fully apologized to OP then and there and everyone could be somewhat happy (or not, OP does not have to forgive her but best case). But the bully chose to play victim. Brother needs to end the engagement asap. If my sister said my fiancee bullied her I'd tell fiancee to get out of my life. I have even dating my partner for a over 2 years now and if I learned they bullied a family member I'd end it immediately.
The axe forgets but the tree remembers. It's not up to the perpetrator to decide what's in the past, what's forgiven and what's NOT
I believe Bully doesn't remember most of what she did because it wasn't important enough to her. But everything stays crystal clear in the mind of the Bullied. People always remember pain. But causing pain to someone who they deem insignificant enough to bully and not take responsibility for it immediately upon dating her older brother, yeah, her memory is spotty because what she did was no big deal. Her "apology" is probably going to be "Why couldn't you take a joke?" Eff this bish.
OP needs to let it go and get over it. Go NC if she must, but come on, her brother didn't go seeking out her bully to torment her, she needs to stop taking it personally.
OP says they were good friends at first until she found out Annika was spreading lies about her. The part that I really wonder is if she ever got any insight as to why Annika treated her like that and how long it went on after she stopped being friends with her. I've had a few friendships over the years where, over time, my "friend" either did mean things towards me behind my back and/or got really possessive over me. I had to go no contact with them but that didn't necessarily stop their behavior. OP mentioned that HS happed almost 10 years ago but that doesn't mean Annika has stopped her behavior towards OP. It almost sounds like her brother and Annika weren't dating that long before the engagement (for no one in the family to have met her or even know he was dating someone). If that's the case, I would be concerned that this was just another attempt from Annika to hurt OP.
I noticed a handful of people chose " YTA", and expressed why they see things that way. I might be wrong about this, ok? I think a situation of this type( bully & brother brings her home, they are in love) under *general circumstances *,would have been better not to blurt it out like that over dinner. And I don't think this brothers sister would have, done what she did, either. Problem is: this is not a typical example of this sort of situation. And also, this is important too; we don't actually know, what this bully did to her. There is a difference between things you chalk up to just being teenagers, and let it slide, and things that are done, that are more dark in nature, no need to go there, but the point is-we don't know. But the brother does. As soon as he realizes who she is, he openly destroys her credibility by bringing up this girl bullying his sister as a question. " My sister says you did all this stuff to her"....( cont)
...(cont) , and I guarantee it ended with him saying, " Is it true?". He knew damn well it was true. He just didn't care. Not only that, but he intentionally refuses to tell the family anything about her, the " her" that is now going to be their future daughter in law, not even her name! Instead, he is going to put his sister into a very uncomfortable situation , because he has absolutely no regard for her whatsoever, but by doing things this way, he is manipulating the entire family, to accept his sisters abuser in "the fold", by ramming her down everybody's throat so they are too embarrassed to say anything. He pulls his sister aside, to basically tell her to shut up and get over it. His fiancé, knows exactly what's going on, that he didn't even tell them her name, and that " he is going to take care of his sister", she is more than happy to take part steamrolling this entire family. This whole situation needs to be explained to the parents, for what it is.
Load More Replies... The only way Annika would not remember bullying the OP is if Annika was actually bullying many ppl and OP was insignificant. That means she's either lying, was completely evil in HS, or repressing it all.
BULLSHİT she can't remember!! What kind of terrible head injury did Annika suffer that would cause such incredibly convenient amnesia??
ETA. Brother, for hiding her and blindsiding OP. (And blindsiding his fiancée too)! He knew it wasn’t going to go down well! He’s accusing OP of High School behaviour when he did this? Pot, Kettle!!! Fiancée. If she and OP used to be tight, then it changed… plus them both ignoring the other. She remembers. And she is lying to the OP’s brother and family. RED FLAG! Listen up brother, she is likely still a bully and a narcissist who is tricking you into thinking she is your perfect woman (for her own reasons.) OP. Should have been more honest with brother. Should have confronted fiancée privately and cleared the air (even if that means sucking it up after the fact and accepting brothers choice of fiancée.). Bullying can be a miserable experience, yes. But high school can exaggerate things. Pettiness and hormones can skew things to be a Very Big Deal. All in all it is all sounding (still) like they haven’t grown up or matured and marriage is currently a bad idea!
Bullies have a nasty habit of "forgetting" what they did. I was bullied pretty much throughout my childhood + teens and it literally affected every part of who I am as an adult -basically the bullying stopped because I just stopped socialising or interacting with people unless absolutely necessary. My sister tried to date one of my bullies several years ago and I basically had to tell her I wouldn't be seeing her at all when she was with him, he was never sorry for what he did and I barely saw her for over a year until they separated. The problem is most people don't understand what affects bullying can have on some people. Most people were bullied at some point as kids but there are a few who's lives were almost completely destroyed by what was said and/or done to them. It's not weakness it's trauma and not everyone can recover from it
NTA. Talk about selective memory! The b!tch totally remembers bullying OP. It's sad that 1) OP'S brother is thinking with his co@k, and 2) the family is encouraging this situation ("apologize to keep the peace "? WTAF?!) Everyone else is SO excited about the brother getting married that they don't care about the history involved, and what impact it has on OP. She was right in calling out her bully, and her brother's obvious indifference. In her place, I would have nothing to do with her brother and fiancé, the wedding, and anyone who keeps insisting that OP should "let bygones be bygones," apologize, and carry on as if the bullying never happened. OP needs to distance herself from this emotional maelstrom as much as possible. In time, her parents will realize what dismissing her feelings will cost them. They may have gained a daughter-in-law, but a pitiful one, at that. At the same time, they will have lost their own daughter. Pretty poor trade-off, if you ask me.
The last image is the most important one. These stories about revenge on bullies are always fiction.
ESH, but I am on OP's side. I get it that Annika might not remember the bullying. Maybe she's moved on and become a better person since then. However.....to OP's family. Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to. OP remembers the bullying and her brother remembers it to. So, maybe Annika needs to be hypnotized so that she can go back in her memories and be forced to recall what she said about her future husband's sister in the past and make a heartfelt apology for ALL of it.
Maybe the bully has multiple personality disorder or memory problems or they were on drugs throughout high school or they didn't perceive their past actions as negative or maybe they have an evil twin (A former friend once tried to convince me that a look-alike had pulled some s**t on me). The brother and his fiancee need to work this out, possibly with professional help, whether it's mediation or a hypnotist or a doctor.
Load More Replies... If he is, he should apologise to Annika. I’m sure the parents will agree - it’s the best way of keeping the peace.
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BTA, you fo mot iwe ger an apology, as for your parents saying you should apologize to keep the peace, hell. No that trash needs to stop...Annika remembers full well what she did, she just doesn't want to be held accountable. Your parents and your brother and his trash girlfriend all suck....
In other news this reminds me of the Aikens dude who drugged me with GHB a week and a half ago abd sexually assaulted me abd then made the midstake of thinking I wouldnt remember that I fell unconscious and didnt undress myself or remove my tampon and place it in my top dresser drawer and then close the drawer just like I didnt remove the comforter from underneath me and then cover my entire body face head and feet with it like a sheet over a dead body. Was that what yall couldnt remember because I damn sure remember him calling someone to make sure he brought the right bottle over to set me up and then sexually assault me. All those cluster headaches, tension headaches & sinus headaches placed themselves on the chopping block guillotine. Those heads will all roll because H. Aikens thought a sneak attack was a wise decision against photographic memories. But a picture is worth a thousand words....Remember that?
Scottie discovered I went by Sarah Beth in middle school by talking about me with my middle and high school bully Amber Newsome. Which is a burn book loser type chick who knows nothing about me other than I used to have Beth added to the end of my name and liked to bully me when my mother had just abandoned me to take off to California while my dad was working out of state so I got basically dumped off at my aunts house with just the clothes on my back and had to swap schools all so the pretty girl in my class could be a b* tch to me constantly for no reason.
Good call Sam. If there’s one thing bullies respect, it’s quietly accepting whatever they do to you. I trust you to teach this life lesson to your children. Perhaps invite their bullies over after school, and teach them not to tell tales as they lie on their back as the bully kicks seven shades of s**t out of them? It’s an excellent plan.
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Even if I couldn't remember - if someone said I had done something terrible and others confirmed it, I'd apologise. And I would INSIST on talking things through with that person before marrying their brother. Annika is TA, so is the brother, so are the parents. It's telling how those who weren't hurt insist on "it was so long ago, it's okay now".
Yes. People change, former bullies can grow up to be good people but part of that is owning up to who they were in the past. Heck in a situation like that I'd apologize to the person I supposedly wronged even if I was unsure I actually did anything wrong and then talk to them privately about it later.
Load More Replies... Bullying has a huge impact on a person, for a very very long time. I think OP is in her right. The best Annika could have done is take OP apart beforehand and talk about it, ask forgiveness.
You're exactly right. It seems her brother steered the issue away from any kind of possible resolution ahead of time and wanted to keep it a secret. Her brother is just as disgusting as her bully. He knew exactly who she was and what she was about and compromised his own morals and his relationship with his sister because he was thinking with the wrong head. He wanted to maintain a sexual relationship with a person that he knows is a liar and a bully. Now, he wants to marry her and expects his sister to bend to his will. They all need to get their heads out of their A$$E$ and remember the hêll that his sister went through. Annika needs to take a long walk off a short pier. I'd never do this to my family members.
Load More Replies... I dont know if anyone has seen the movie You Again with Betty White, Sigourney Weaver, Kristen Bell and Jamie Lee Curtis. But this is the exact plot to the movie. Except no one in the family remembered the bully, but the bully pretended not to remember the sister when her and broker got engaged and it was all for show. Funny movie.
The names aren't the only thing fake here. Who refers to their bully by first and last names. Anika Jones is so mean to me brother! Then years later when brother hears her full name again he recognizes it, and puts together it's the bully.
Load More Replies... She obviously remembers. The bullying took place in high school, for years, and they are in their mid-twenties, it's not like it was one single comment happened 70 years ago, c'mon. And if she was changed she would have apologized. How hard that would be? "Hi, yes I recognize you, I know I bullied you for years, but I fully regret it and I sincerely apologize. I really love your brother and I hope we can all get along" of something like this. Instead she immediately cried. Uhm, ok drama queen. No, she knows, she remembers, she still doesn't care. For her brother's sake, I hope they don't get married, she seems an awful person.
People who pretend to be your friends just to torment you are the WORST. Seriously, why? I experienced this myself. There were two of them. Two Jennifers. They stole all kinds of things from me that I really loved and either got from my parents or other friends. I'm also pretty sure they spread rumours about me, which isolated me from many others. I'm on the spectrum, so I didn't catch on until I spotted one of them opening up a bottle of glue in my desk and laying it on its side so that it would destroy everything in my desk. Thankfully it was a gel glue, so it was slow and I was able to stop it before it leaked. I just stopped talking to both of them after that. F-you, Jennifer and Jennifer. You gave me so many trust issues that still plague me. I was never anything but nice to both of you and I didn't deserve that treatment. I still want my stuff back.
I wish and wish and wish I could name that b***h (aka my best friend) who put me through hell in 8th grade, then got my "friend" to help her in 9th grade. I couldn't care less that "aww, bullies can change 🥺🥰" because they still deserve torment. Burn in hell, you two.
Load More Replies... So-according to the brothers logic,-if this nightmare of a hosebeast he insists on marrying, murdered someone but then "forgot" does that mean she isn't liable for her actions? I really hate how often abusers use this excuse (ESPECIALLY parents). Oh, that, oh I do t remember doing it so it's your issue and not mine....the brother and his monster can GET ABSOLUTELY FÜCKED
Bullies never remember because it meant nothing to them. In school I was an awkward girl who was overweight with acne and this boy and his friend used to embarras me me by "asking me on a date" and putting their arms around me. It was humiliating. I have been married to his brother for 37 years and he is a total loser who lives with his mom at 63. He totally doesn't remember harassing me but I got the last laugh by living a good life and his family loves me but him him not so much. I win.
NTA, but the brother is very much the AH for keeping it from his own sister... and clearly Annika is lying.. if the OP was just some random girl then sure maybe she could have forgotten.. but since she was the OP's friend, no she is clearly lying... I would demand an apology from your brother.
one of the bullies i had in high school had a habit of spreading rumors about me that would result in a relationship ending. she always laughed at me and said that id grow up to b an unmarried alone grumpy woman. fast forward 5 years ago. she heard thru the grapevine that i was engaged. she messaged me asking me if i was actually engaged or if it was fake. she was clearly still a bully but anyways. i told her to wait and see i even friended her bc i kno my friends and how they r. fast forward to my wedding. my friends r already posting stuff. then the next day everyone posted all the pictures they took. apparently my former bully was furious i wasnt pretending. she thought she was better then me at everything and here i m having the life she wanted. she messaged me nonstop until i answered 4 days after my wedding. we couldnt do a honeymoon so we stayed at a beachfront hotel in the state we live in for 4 days after the wedding. thanks covid. anyways wen i finally answered i asked wat she wanted. i wish i didnt ask bc it was basically a very long message about how she hates me and wants my life bc she cant get anything she wants not even a simple boyfriend. i asked if shed apologize for high school she said no so i gave her a slap of reality. i told her all the things wrong with my life. im on disability, i cant get my dream job bc of my anxeity disorder, i cant have kids without dealing with 5 doctors and med changes bc of my epilepsy, i still cant drive, i just kept going on and on. then finally i told her these words. "what i do have is a husband who thinks im the most beautiful and sweetest woman ever. do u kno y? i respect everyone and never judge or bully." i blocked her after i said that. i figured it was better to let her realize karma is a b!tch on her own. shes still single and still cant keep a job from wat my friends tell me. i personally feel terrible and feel bad for her. i just thought she should kno the truth. if ur a bully and judge ppl constantly the chances of u finding happiness r slim. one of my friends happened to work with her and her attitude is wat got her fired. she was basically HR's nightmare and they had enough of the complaints and abuse. her attitude and actions r probably y she cant keep a job or find a boyfriend. i was honestly hoping that if i ever talked to her again shed apologize and wed b friends but she didnt change at all.
Hmmmm, maybe if she wasn't such a b***h. Sounds like she's gotten exactly what she deserves.
Load More Replies... She remembers. A bully never forgets the people they made miserable. Even if they did change to become a better person and are now remorseful about their past, they remember. The biggest thing is that the bully has to apologize and attempt to make amends.
The bully is clearly a terrible person. The brother is clearly disloyal and appears to be a (rather transparent) liar. But is nobody going to call out the OP’s parents? “ My parents remember Annika and they're mostly on my side because they witnessed firsthand how bad it was (Carter was already in college at that point). But they're still pressuring me to apologize to keep the peace.” Yeah, your life was made hell. But you should suck it up. Nobody has your back here, OP. And that sucks.
Your feelings are valid. She absolutely remembers. She should apologize so healing can begin. I am totally with the OP.
Something for your brother and family to think about. Would she make a loving and caring wife and/or mother? Is she going to be psychologically abusive to your brother and any possible children?She will probably manipulate your brother into alienating all family members and break him down psychologically.
I went through so much c**p and bullying from a few random girls in school. One from when I was 5 an she was 7/8. Through to junior high as she left an I started. Then in high school she attacked me one day in the halls an I let it all out on her in a fight. She kept at it for a few more years. Even to the point I feared going out because she hung with some of my other friends. Sho weren't friends I later found out an haven't spoken to them when I did. I ran into her about 5 or so years later an she tried to be nice to me but I just walked away. They remember. Trust me. And I'm sure she knew when she dated him an saw photos or he spoke about his family to her. The two of you need to go into a room an have him an your parents there an see if she will apologize. If not then your parents need to talk to your brother how stressed and hurtful she was an made you become. He can have her or he can have his family. Seems pretty fast for an engagement too.
Hopefully she isn't stringing him along to get a better life with your family or to break up with him as another slap to your family. She needs to open up an fix it. Not you. No one else. You were assaulted by her verbally or physically but she got off to life a easy life. Not fair at all.
Load More Replies... Bad creative writing attempt. Not real at all. "Hey family I'm engaged! I'm getting married!" Family: "No follow up questions. I guess we will meet her and learn her name at the upcoming party."
I'm definitely in the minority but I think that ESH. The brother and family for blind siding OP. They were all there to witness the abuse and thought everything would be peachy keen? Every knows how emotionally destructive bullying can be and the lasting impact. The aunt is an AH for pushing a subject that was clearly for being skirted around. The OP , while understandably was upset, exploding like that. She was not set up for success in this situation and honestly probably should have recognized that and wither left or been more tactful in her response ie. "I'm glad my brother found happiness." The bully is the AH for not only being a bully but completely ignoring it. We know so much about bullying and how typically they are modeling parental behavior, suffer abuse them selves or have mental health issues. By completely dismissing it by "not remembering" caused soooo much more harm. Basically ESH because everyone could have behaved differently.
annika is still on a mission to make OP's life hellish... taking down her brother now, next her entire family... dont know what op has done to annika.... scary!
Saying, "I don't remember" is a guilty person deflecting. When a victim brings it up and you cry and run away it shows guilt and no remorse for your actions. She could have fully apologized to OP then and there and everyone could be somewhat happy (or not, OP does not have to forgive her but best case). But the bully chose to play victim. Brother needs to end the engagement asap. If my sister said my fiancee bullied her I'd tell fiancee to get out of my life. I have even dating my partner for a over 2 years now and if I learned they bullied a family member I'd end it immediately.
The axe forgets but the tree remembers. It's not up to the perpetrator to decide what's in the past, what's forgiven and what's NOT
I believe Bully doesn't remember most of what she did because it wasn't important enough to her. But everything stays crystal clear in the mind of the Bullied. People always remember pain. But causing pain to someone who they deem insignificant enough to bully and not take responsibility for it immediately upon dating her older brother, yeah, her memory is spotty because what she did was no big deal. Her "apology" is probably going to be "Why couldn't you take a joke?" Eff this bish.
OP needs to let it go and get over it. Go NC if she must, but come on, her brother didn't go seeking out her bully to torment her, she needs to stop taking it personally.
OP says they were good friends at first until she found out Annika was spreading lies about her. The part that I really wonder is if she ever got any insight as to why Annika treated her like that and how long it went on after she stopped being friends with her. I've had a few friendships over the years where, over time, my "friend" either did mean things towards me behind my back and/or got really possessive over me. I had to go no contact with them but that didn't necessarily stop their behavior. OP mentioned that HS happed almost 10 years ago but that doesn't mean Annika has stopped her behavior towards OP. It almost sounds like her brother and Annika weren't dating that long before the engagement (for no one in the family to have met her or even know he was dating someone). If that's the case, I would be concerned that this was just another attempt from Annika to hurt OP.
I noticed a handful of people chose " YTA", and expressed why they see things that way. I might be wrong about this, ok? I think a situation of this type( bully & brother brings her home, they are in love) under *general circumstances *,would have been better not to blurt it out like that over dinner. And I don't think this brothers sister would have, done what she did, either. Problem is: this is not a typical example of this sort of situation. And also, this is important too; we don't actually know, what this bully did to her. There is a difference between things you chalk up to just being teenagers, and let it slide, and things that are done, that are more dark in nature, no need to go there, but the point is-we don't know. But the brother does. As soon as he realizes who she is, he openly destroys her credibility by bringing up this girl bullying his sister as a question. " My sister says you did all this stuff to her"....( cont)
...(cont) , and I guarantee it ended with him saying, " Is it true?". He knew damn well it was true. He just didn't care. Not only that, but he intentionally refuses to tell the family anything about her, the " her" that is now going to be their future daughter in law, not even her name! Instead, he is going to put his sister into a very uncomfortable situation , because he has absolutely no regard for her whatsoever, but by doing things this way, he is manipulating the entire family, to accept his sisters abuser in "the fold", by ramming her down everybody's throat so they are too embarrassed to say anything. He pulls his sister aside, to basically tell her to shut up and get over it. His fiancé, knows exactly what's going on, that he didn't even tell them her name, and that " he is going to take care of his sister", she is more than happy to take part steamrolling this entire family. This whole situation needs to be explained to the parents, for what it is.
Load More Replies... The only way Annika would not remember bullying the OP is if Annika was actually bullying many ppl and OP was insignificant. That means she's either lying, was completely evil in HS, or repressing it all.
BULLSHİT she can't remember!! What kind of terrible head injury did Annika suffer that would cause such incredibly convenient amnesia??
ETA. Brother, for hiding her and blindsiding OP. (And blindsiding his fiancée too)! He knew it wasn’t going to go down well! He’s accusing OP of High School behaviour when he did this? Pot, Kettle!!! Fiancée. If she and OP used to be tight, then it changed… plus them both ignoring the other. She remembers. And she is lying to the OP’s brother and family. RED FLAG! Listen up brother, she is likely still a bully and a narcissist who is tricking you into thinking she is your perfect woman (for her own reasons.) OP. Should have been more honest with brother. Should have confronted fiancée privately and cleared the air (even if that means sucking it up after the fact and accepting brothers choice of fiancée.). Bullying can be a miserable experience, yes. But high school can exaggerate things. Pettiness and hormones can skew things to be a Very Big Deal. All in all it is all sounding (still) like they haven’t grown up or matured and marriage is currently a bad idea!
Bullies have a nasty habit of "forgetting" what they did. I was bullied pretty much throughout my childhood + teens and it literally affected every part of who I am as an adult -basically the bullying stopped because I just stopped socialising or interacting with people unless absolutely necessary. My sister tried to date one of my bullies several years ago and I basically had to tell her I wouldn't be seeing her at all when she was with him, he was never sorry for what he did and I barely saw her for over a year until they separated. The problem is most people don't understand what affects bullying can have on some people. Most people were bullied at some point as kids but there are a few who's lives were almost completely destroyed by what was said and/or done to them. It's not weakness it's trauma and not everyone can recover from it
NTA. Talk about selective memory! The b!tch totally remembers bullying OP. It's sad that 1) OP'S brother is thinking with his co@k, and 2) the family is encouraging this situation ("apologize to keep the peace "? WTAF?!) Everyone else is SO excited about the brother getting married that they don't care about the history involved, and what impact it has on OP. She was right in calling out her bully, and her brother's obvious indifference. In her place, I would have nothing to do with her brother and fiancé, the wedding, and anyone who keeps insisting that OP should "let bygones be bygones," apologize, and carry on as if the bullying never happened. OP needs to distance herself from this emotional maelstrom as much as possible. In time, her parents will realize what dismissing her feelings will cost them. They may have gained a daughter-in-law, but a pitiful one, at that. At the same time, they will have lost their own daughter. Pretty poor trade-off, if you ask me.
The last image is the most important one. These stories about revenge on bullies are always fiction.
ESH, but I am on OP's side. I get it that Annika might not remember the bullying. Maybe she's moved on and become a better person since then. However.....to OP's family. Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to. OP remembers the bullying and her brother remembers it to. So, maybe Annika needs to be hypnotized so that she can go back in her memories and be forced to recall what she said about her future husband's sister in the past and make a heartfelt apology for ALL of it.
Maybe the bully has multiple personality disorder or memory problems or they were on drugs throughout high school or they didn't perceive their past actions as negative or maybe they have an evil twin (A former friend once tried to convince me that a look-alike had pulled some s**t on me). The brother and his fiancee need to work this out, possibly with professional help, whether it's mediation or a hypnotist or a doctor.
Load More Replies... If he is, he should apologise to Annika. I’m sure the parents will agree - it’s the best way of keeping the peace.
Load More Replies... BTA, you fo mot iwe ger an apology, as for your parents saying you should apologize to keep the peace, hell. No that trash needs to stop...Annika remembers full well what she did, she just doesn't want to be held accountable. Your parents and your brother and his trash girlfriend all suck....
In other news this reminds me of the Aikens dude who drugged me with GHB a week and a half ago abd sexually assaulted me abd then made the midstake of thinking I wouldnt remember that I fell unconscious and didnt undress myself or remove my tampon and place it in my top dresser drawer and then close the drawer just like I didnt remove the comforter from underneath me and then cover my entire body face head and feet with it like a sheet over a dead body. Was that what yall couldnt remember because I damn sure remember him calling someone to make sure he brought the right bottle over to set me up and then sexually assault me. All those cluster headaches, tension headaches & sinus headaches placed themselves on the chopping block guillotine. Those heads will all roll because H. Aikens thought a sneak attack was a wise decision against photographic memories. But a picture is worth a thousand words....Remember that?
Scottie discovered I went by Sarah Beth in middle school by talking about me with my middle and high school bully Amber Newsome. Which is a burn book loser type chick who knows nothing about me other than I used to have Beth added to the end of my name and liked to bully me when my mother had just abandoned me to take off to California while my dad was working out of state so I got basically dumped off at my aunts house with just the clothes on my back and had to swap schools all so the pretty girl in my class could be a b* tch to me constantly for no reason.
Good call Sam. If there’s one thing bullies respect, it’s quietly accepting whatever they do to you. I trust you to teach this life lesson to your children. Perhaps invite their bullies over after school, and teach them not to tell tales as they lie on their back as the bully kicks seven shades of s**t out of them? It’s an excellent plan.
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