Brother Introducing His Fiancée At A Family Event Takes A Turn When His Sister Recognizes Her High School Bully And Sheds Light On Her Past
We are often kind enough to forgive others and ourselves for their mistakes in order to move forward and grow. It is probably this kind of acceptance that Oscar Wilde had in mind when he insisted every saint to have a past and every sinner to have a future. However, letting go of the misdeeds without a person taking responsibility, acknowledging they did us wrong and are willing to change might mean indulging such behavior and enabling them to keep on hurting us, so it is only fair that we refuse to play along and and refuse to “forget”. As did this Redditor when she met her high school bully at a family dinner.
More info: Reddit
A man got angry at his sister for exposing his fiancée for bullying her in high school at a family event
Image credits: Kobe (not the actual photo)
A woman came to meet her brother’s fiancée only to find that her future SIL is her high school bully
Image credits: weddingplabber
Image credits: Yan Krukau (not the actual photo)
Image credits: weddingplabber
Image credits: TranStudios Photography & Video (no the actual photo)
Image credits: weddingplabber
The woman felt sick seeing her again
Image credits: Soulseeker (not the actual photo)
Her brother’s fiancée claimed to not remember bullying his sister in high school
This woman had an unpleasant experience of recognizing her high school bully at a family dinner, where her ex-bully wasn’t simply a passerby with not much of an agenda, but quite on the contrary, she was her brother’s fiancée that the family was about to meet for the first time, as no one knew he even had a girlfriend.
That is not to say that people do not make mistakes, especially with high school being one of the first arenas in many people’s lives where we try various roles that possibly, and to be honest, hopefully, change or evolve as we gain more experience in life. However, as this woman got a chance to talk the issue through with her brother, he brought up that his fiancée’s excuse was that she did not remember doing anything wrong to his sister.
As the original poster explained, in high school, her interaction with “Annika” wasn’t about just bumping into each other occasionally, but consisted of being close friends until she found out that “Annika” was spreading lies about her, which eventually turned her life into hell right up until they graduated. So much so that after all this time, the woman felt sick seeing “Annika” again.
Having in mind that both women are in their mid-twenties at the moment, there is almost no way “Annika” truly cannot remember her misdeeds, while it’s quite understandable that she does not want to remember. As neither woman talked or acknowledged each other during the party, it took one question from this woman’s aunt, as she was persistent to make the woman answer it and didn’t let her change the subject, to make her finally snap and spill the truth about the past of her brother’s fiancée as well as about how she felt about it.
The woman’s aunt insisted she share her feelings, so she opened up about their past
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
The woman’s brother called her a horrible person for embarrassing his fiancée and insisted she apologize
This led to her brother being angry at her and demanding she apologize for embarrassing Annika in front of the family over “high school drama”. So eventually, the disagreement was about who had to apologize. The woman’s brother was insisting his fiancée could not apologize for something she could not remember and that it was his sister who should apologize.
The woman had a good reason to believe there was no way Annika could not remember, but only wanted it to slide in order to not take responsibility for her actions. However, she refused to let it slide and pretend that there was no history between them without at least being apologized to.
In her study The Psychology Of Offering an Apology: Understanding the Barriers To Apologizing And How To Overcome Them, Karina Schumann noted that after an offense, a person often gets to decide whether to apologize and if so, how to apologize. The decision of whether to apologize and how to apologize often highly influences both people who are involved in a conflict as well as their relationship.
And even though high-quality apologies are extremely effective in getting people to reconcile, people often choose to not ask for an apology, to be defensive, or to only give a pseudo-apology lacking in remorse. For this reason, Schumann lists three barriers to offering high-quality apologies and these include low concern for the victim or relationship, perceived threat to one’s self-image, and thinking that the apology won’t be effective. Schumann suggests that these barriers can be overcome by targeting the problematic psychology behind them.
Redditors agreed this woman was not being a jerk, while some pointed out that “not remembering” is convenient for bullies
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Even if I couldn't remember - if someone said I had done something terrible and others confirmed it, I'd apologise. And I would INSIST on talking things through with that person before marrying their brother. Annika is TA, so is the brother, so are the parents. It's telling how those who weren't hurt insist on "it was so long ago, it's okay now".
Yes. People change, former bullies can grow up to be good people but part of that is owning up to who they were in the past. Heck in a situation like that I'd apologize to the person I supposedly wronged even if I was unsure I actually did anything wrong and then talk to them privately about it later.
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Bullying has a huge impact on a person, for a very very long time. I think OP is in her right. The best Annika could have done is take OP apart beforehand and talk about it, ask forgiveness.
You're exactly right. It seems her brother steered the issue away from any kind of possible resolution ahead of time and wanted to keep it a secret. Her brother is just as disgusting as her bully. He knew exactly who she was and what she was about and compromised his own morals and his relationship with his sister because he was thinking with the wrong head. He wanted to maintain a sexual relationship with a person that he knows is a liar and a bully. Now, he wants to marry her and expects his sister to bend to his will. They all need to get their heads out of their A$$E$ and remember the hêll that his sister went through. Annika needs to take a long walk off a short pier. I'd never do this to my family members.
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I dont know if anyone has seen the movie You Again with Betty White, Sigourney Weaver, Kristen Bell and Jamie Lee Curtis. But this is the exact plot to the movie. Except no one in the family remembered the bully, but the bully pretended not to remember the sister when her and broker got engaged and it was all for show. Funny movie.
The names aren't the only thing fake here. Who refers to their bully by first and last names. Anika Jones is so mean to me brother! Then years later when brother hears her full name again he recognizes it, and puts together it's the bully.
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Even if I couldn't remember - if someone said I had done something terrible and others confirmed it, I'd apologise. And I would INSIST on talking things through with that person before marrying their brother. Annika is TA, so is the brother, so are the parents. It's telling how those who weren't hurt insist on "it was so long ago, it's okay now".
Yes. People change, former bullies can grow up to be good people but part of that is owning up to who they were in the past. Heck in a situation like that I'd apologize to the person I supposedly wronged even if I was unsure I actually did anything wrong and then talk to them privately about it later.
Load More Replies... Bullying has a huge impact on a person, for a very very long time. I think OP is in her right. The best Annika could have done is take OP apart beforehand and talk about it, ask forgiveness.
You're exactly right. It seems her brother steered the issue away from any kind of possible resolution ahead of time and wanted to keep it a secret. Her brother is just as disgusting as her bully. He knew exactly who she was and what she was about and compromised his own morals and his relationship with his sister because he was thinking with the wrong head. He wanted to maintain a sexual relationship with a person that he knows is a liar and a bully. Now, he wants to marry her and expects his sister to bend to his will. They all need to get their heads out of their A$$E$ and remember the hêll that his sister went through. Annika needs to take a long walk off a short pier. I'd never do this to my family members.
Load More Replies... I dont know if anyone has seen the movie You Again with Betty White, Sigourney Weaver, Kristen Bell and Jamie Lee Curtis. But this is the exact plot to the movie. Except no one in the family remembered the bully, but the bully pretended not to remember the sister when her and broker got engaged and it was all for show. Funny movie.
The names aren't the only thing fake here. Who refers to their bully by first and last names. Anika Jones is so mean to me brother! Then years later when brother hears her full name again he recognizes it, and puts together it's the bully.
Load More Replies...
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