“I Take It Day By Day”: Dad Sarcastically Puts Random Mom In Her Place For Questioning His ‘Skills’
And you know what, let’s talk with you today about ageism too. No, if you were expecting the story of how a random Gen X’er showed up for an interview and was rejected just because of their age (which is, of course, totally outrageous), then you are wrong. The fact is that ageism is actually a two-way street, and that people’s bias against young people is also a very common thing.
A few days ago, this post from the user u/ThrowRAheadinpain appeared on the AITA Reddit community, and in a very short time it gained over 10.3K upvotes and almost 650 comments. Quite a weighty reason to check the story, isn’t it? So let’s keep reading the tale…
The author of the post is 21 Y.O. and he is bringing up his 5 Y.O. daughter on his own
Image credits: Caleb Jones (not the actual photo)
The young man sincerely tries to be a decent dad in spite of the girl’s biological mom rarely showing up in their lives
Image credits: u/ThrowRAheadinpain
At a birthday party his kid attended, a lady approached the author and asked if he was the girl’s cousin or brother
Image credits: Lukas (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/ThrowRAheadinpain
After receiving the answer that he was actually the dad, the woman asked if he ever planned to ‘slip’ as a parent
Image credits: Perfect Snacks (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/ThrowRAheadinpain
The young dad turned all his sarcasm on, to which his interlocutor took serious offense
We have the story’s protagonist, aka Original Poster (OP), a 21-year-old guy, a single dad raising a 5 Y.O. daughter. Yes, it happens. And the author of the post, judging by his own words, does his best to be a decent father, especially since the girl’s biological mom basically tries, as the OP himself put it, to pursue the ‘normal 20s’, so she appears in their lives mostly for parties – for example, her child’s birthday and so on. Yes, that happens too.
However, at the birthday party where the events in the described story unfolded, Morgan’s mom (that’s the girl’s name, by the way) just wasn’t there, and the OP brought his daughter alone. At some point, when the kids were playing and having fun, the mother of one of the children approached him and, as part of the usual small talk, asked if he was Morgan’s cousin or an elder brother.
After receiving the answer that the author of the post is actually the girl’s dad, the lady thought for a while, and then in all seriousness asked if he even knew what he was doing. The OP honestly admitted that he takes it day by day, situation by situation. An absolutely reasonable answer, by the way, given that parenthood is primarily an experience that is acquired over time. But the author’s interviewee didn’t seem to think so, because her next question was about whether the young dad was planning to ‘slip’ as a parent.
In cases like this, sarcasm is the best weapon, and the original poster made full use of it. He admitted that yes, he has a plan. And basically, he thinks he would take Morgan to the nearest forest, tie a $20 bill to her wrist, wish her good luck with all his heart – and tell her to run free. The lady, of course, was immediately offended – after all, she was quite seriously interested in the interlocutor’s plans, and here he is joking! Well, the OP just calmly went over to his daughter, gave her a big hug and said that he loved her. ‘I love you 3000’, as another girl named Morgan used to tell her dad… Probably the best ending to the story, right?
Image credits: Edi Libedinsky (not the actual photo)
“Of course, the interlocutor of the story hero behaved completely inappropriately, guided by some of her own thoughts and stereotypes,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, with whom Bored Panda got in touch for a comment on this situation. “Yes, many young parents sometimes behave quite irresponsibly, but this is by no means a reason to spread this stereotype to everyone you meet.”
“As for this dad’s answer, it was quite witty and if his interlocutor were a little more tactful, she would also turn the conversation into a joke and not expose herself to complete ridicule. In any case, my respect to this dad for his restraint, decent behavior throughout all these years, and for a maturity that is often lacking even for people who are old enough to be his own father,” Irina summarizes.
The vast majority of people in the comments are in full solidarity with the expert, openly applauding the endurance and sense of humor of the original poster. And, of course, his attitude to life and parenthood. “Kudos to you, because I have no patience and would’ve told her to go screw [herself],” one commenter sincerely confessed – in his own words, a dad in his 50s, by the way. “It’s not about age.”
And, of course, commenters also noted that many people bring their value judgments to where they are not wanted at all. “People need to mind their own business,” one of the folks in the comments wrote, to which the author of the post reasonably replied: “Should’ve asked her why she felt so inclined to get on my case.” Anyway, many people do act extremely cavalier and honestly offended when they are politely but firmly put in their place. By the way, if you have ever faced or witnessed such a situation from your own experience, please feel free to share your tale in the comments as well.
People in the comments unanimously sided with the dad, praising his wit and attitude to life at all
NO parent knows what they're doing, it's literally a "learn on the job" situation.
Agreed. Parenting is the single most difficult thing I have ever done. Being consistent is the hardest part.
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Teenagers and young adults have been SUCCESSFULLY parenting children for many many thousands of years. 30, 40, 50 year old (and older) people have been UNSUCCESSFULLY parenting children for the same amount of time. We're all just winging it most of the time and hoping we make the right choices for our kids.
I'm sorry you're not completely right, Age has nothing to do with parenting. My brother just had his first child ( a premie) with his wife and he's 50 years old, they're both crushing it so far and I think they'll be ok. Judging someone for being young and saying they have no idea what they're doing is wrong but so is judging someone older for the sins of others the same age is wrong too.
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Myself and all the parents I know are winging it every day. I do love the response though.
Right? Like neither of my kids came with an instruction manual
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That lady was hella judgemental! Those were legitimate questions that he could ask himself but not anyone elses business, and no one else has any right to know!
This guy is a better parent at age 21 than either of my parents EVER were in the 18 years I was around. Good on this guy!!!
The ONLY thing I think that's wrong here is Morgan's mom. When there's a parent who's left, when they come back into the picture for a day but then leave again, it recreates that trauma for the child. He'd be better off cutting her off completely instead of coming back when it's convenient for her. I know that's not what the post is about, but that's the thing I noticed at least. My wife had to do the same to her ex when he cheated and walked out. My stepkids are 100% better off because of it. Otherwise, OP is doing an amazing job and that mom can take a long walk off a short pier.
It could also lead to a general dislike of holidays as holidays and birthdays are now connected to people leaving me, this could cause alienation from other kids as she likely would resent the happiness they have at holidays and birthdays. If Morgan were to have her own kids birthdays and holidays may be ignored as a reflection of this trauma.
Load More Replies... When I was 23, I was a combat veteran, but I also looked like I was 15yo. My nephew at the time was six years old. I was home on leave and took him for ice cream. He looked JUST like me at the time. A woman decided to start berating me for being such a young father and how I should have worn a condom, blah blah blah. Before I could say a word in response, my nephew said, "Ma'am, this is my uncle. He's a combat veteran who just came home from the war. You are rude and you know what? He's actually 23 years old and I hope he has kids some day because he's the best Uncle ever. Oh and you should really learn to mind your own business." He was 5! I couldn't have been more proud that day.
Sometimes the best answer for intrusive strangers is, “I’m sorry I don’t know you… Tell me why you want to know?”
To ask anyone, no matter the age, "what's plan B", especially 5 years in, is just ridiculous and rude. I could see a 40 year old answering the same sarcastic way, to be honest, and if someone can't understand something like that is a joke (especially in person -on lin it's sometimes hard to distinguish sarcasm, but not this one), they are the one with the problem. Maturity, not age is what matters, also. Nobody is given a parent manual and everyone parents by what works for them. As long as the kids are healthy, loved, and not abused or neglected (both physically and mentally), then who cares. It's all still day by day, situation by situation.
I am so impressed with this young man. I think his reply to a ridiculous question was hilarious . NTA
At 19 I was a lost soul with weird ideas about reality. At 20 I was an officer in the Italian army with several multi-million $ worth of equipment (including a tactical nuke missile) I signed off for and 20+ soldiers counting on me to keep them safe, organized, fed, etc. and everybody had a (often loaded) weapon. If you had asked me at 19 I'd have said "No way". We adapt. I had my daughter at 27, but if I had her at 19 or 16 I probably would have done my very best for her. You grow up when you need to. At least most of us do, I hope.
Can't stand these types of nosy ninnies. My response to the "What? You're a young parent? How old are you?" people is either a sarcastic answer like the OP gave, or a flat faced silence, because I'm no longer dignifying invasive, judgemental questions with an answer. They can say they're just curious all they want, but I'm not stupid like they think to know their intentions are to draw up negative opinions about my life they hardly know about.
That phrase, 'what my plan was in case I started to slip as a parent'.... (1) I have never heard of that, is this a generational thing? (2) I have a kid from the early 70s, and three from the early 80s, no one has ever asked me that question. (3) does SHE have a plan for if SHE slips as a parent? DUDE, you are awesome!! (you might want to put a card size copy of her birth certificate, laminated, in your wallet. I did this when people thought I was dating my son. I had given birth to him three days after my 16th birthday)
That's pretty freaking funny. It's great you stepped up to be a parent at 16. I hope you got help and finished school. Keep up the good work.
You did exactly what I would have done. Ask an insultingly stupid question, get an insultingly stupid answer (most assuredly NOT a legitimate question, as this arrogant, nosy idiot claims). It's one thing if a person, for instance, sees a parent yank abusively at a child's arm or something. However, this person clearly had no humility whatsoever about the fact she is just another human being with another SUBJECTIVE point of view about parenting, which is every bit as subject to being wrong as yours or anyone else's, her pisspoor critical thinking skills notwithstanding. It is neither her place to condescendingly pontificate to anyone, nor can she rightly claim she knew she was right about whatever she was about to preach to you. YOU DONE RIGHT! ;-) ***hugs to you and your daughter***
Oh man! I get that as well with my second oldest going into second year of college. But mostly it's the wow omg you have five. Usually my response is I have no clue what I am doing it's a daily winging it and usually what helps is taping them to the walla with ducttape.! I have had people second guess it and the doing the math in their head is always fun too. Thanks for keeping parenting real and fun!
NTA your "plan" made me laugh so hard. I think you answered that woman's question perfectly, and honestly politely. Age doesn't make a person a good or bad parent. You sound like an amazing father & your daughter is lucky she had such a wonderful daddy.
I was a young, single mum. It felt like the whole world was watching and waiting for me to slip up, especially the schools. One of my lowest moments was when my daughter was a toddler, I used to take her to the local group so she could learn to interact with other children, the group used to do mum's night out and someone asked me to babysit because I wasn't invited. Even now, I get comments from people about my age and my daughter is 23.
I feel you. The older my daughter got, the more weirded out people have gotten. It's not even "Oh, you have such a cute daughter." anymore. It's more like "I thought you were sisters/friends.... How old are you?" Only good thing about her being a grown adult is now everyone's concerned about if she's working, still in school and still living with me. Not sure if older parents get these invasive questions, but it still hints of judgements. The only time I had some friends who were moms was when I was still a young mom and those friends were other young moms. No other moms wanted to be my friend. Whenever my mom was with me they chatted her up instead, ignoring me.
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What does "SLIP" mean? Clearly this is an Americanism, which as an English speaker, I have never heard this before.
Lose it mentally or start drinking or realize you're in over your head. Honestly it's very vague and can mean a lot of things. Could also mean you used too much soap when mopping
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Being a parent is hard, you learn as you go, but it sounds like you are amazingly grounded and mature for your young age - whnever forget that intuition is an important part of the parenting deal, especially l. ( Love the perfect way you shut that busybody down)
My children go to public school so you get all kinds of parents. I met grandparents raising grandkids, lesbian moms, gay dads, trans parents, socially awkward moms/dads, refugees, want to be president of PTA moms, stripper moms.. all are great parents that love their kids. I never judge anyone because we all bond over being a parent of young kids. We laugh because kids are crazy and we are all tired. This woman needs to sit down.. just because you’re old doesn’t make you a better parent. Smh.
Yes, you are the jerk. $20 is too little to tape on the girl. At least $50.
Dude some people just don't know how to keep their opinions to themselves. I mean 5 years into parenthood is a milestone in itself. For me it proved I can keep a little human being alive and love the c**p outta them. Like the saying goes, "do you". As long as your kid is happy and knows they're loved, I don't see any reason for anyone to give me any c**p. Plus FYI, I think not getting sarcasm has something to do with some sort of mental illness. God bless👏
I had my son when I was 19 and I’m now 14 years in with him and I slipped plenty of times and guess what? That doesn’t make me a bad parent because I keep trying to do better.
Guts, it's his GENDER she was questioning. So many people think men can't parent. Why do you think the kids almost always go to the mother in custody disputes?
I am 67 now, and my son just turned 51. I tell people that here in Ky, we can raise kids 10 to 20 years before New Yorkers are able to do this. Your attitude is great! I knew a couple in their 40s with a child same age as mine, when mine was 5. They were awful parents, and it reassured me that I was doing okay if I could recognize bad parenting.
Being a single dad is harder than being a single mum. Just hear me out as sexism swings both ways. Yes, some will convict a single mum but in general people will be offering help because, you know, being a single mum is hard. A single dad however will more likely be scrutinized on every move with his kids, will be critized for every errorbecause "men can't care for children like women do". If help offered, it is usually a woman taking over because he's just a man... Fyi, I'm female and I've seen neglecting moms and wonderful dads and vice versa.
Should have asked what her plan was if she started slipping.
What a condescending, judgmental b*tch. You were much more polite than I would have been. No one knows what the hell they're doing as a first time parent, we're all pretty much making it up as we go along & hopefully don't make too many mistakes - or at least no serious ones. Some of us (the eldest children) sometimes do have a bit of an advantage, but having younger siblings is no guarantee of parenting success. You sound like a nice young man with a good head on your shoulders & I think your daughter is lucky to have you. Also - I do hope you have full & sole LEGAL custody? That woman may grow up one day and want to be part of her daughter's life. Your primary responsibility to your child is to protect her.
As a mom, grandma, great-grandma. I’m proud of this dad. No one knows what they are doing. Most refuse to admit it, but I’m a watcher and nope nobody knows what they’re doing
Anyone who says they're great parents and have no problems, everything is under control are lying through their teeth. Parenting is hard and you are generally learning as you go. Listen to others then discard 90% of what they say and used your common sense
I have 1 child and I often tell him that just as much as he is learning day to day, so am I! I tell him that I have never had a 7 year old or 16 year old or whatever age he is and that we are doing this life together! We learn from each other!
But is she, mature enough to have realised paradise doesn't exist and that you are just trying your best as everyone else. And criticising others for there lifestyle and methods is very immature.. NTA and great job of going for a hug and ignoring the insecure lady.
No the OP is NTA. The nosy, judgmental busybody was. None of her business as the girl was obviously fine. Seriously, wtf?!
OP Daddy, you are definitely NTA!!! You have a great sense of humor. One day, your daughter will appreciate all the hard work you have put in as her Daddy. Congratulations on being a real Father.
I wonder just how old she thought he was? At 21 I looked about 16, I wonder if he's the same? As for his response, I love it. Perfect "you're being too nosy so here's a joke response" answer.
The opposite of this is when you have your first in your late 30's and they expect you to have had lots of baby experience. I had had no experience with babies , kittens or puppies yes, but human? I didn't know anything. Had to work it out myself. So go you OP.
I'm 53 with two kids and three dogs and don't know my a*s from my elbow.
"Gee I never thought I'd need that. Maybe if you told me your plans for if you start to slip as a parent, I can use them as a starting point!"
People are just plain rude. Everybody who has their first kid is winging it. MAYBE by the third or fourth they have it down. Doubtful. By her standards I would have been incompetent. My daughter was born a month before my 21st birthday. She's 52 now.
As a former teen parent myself (I'm no longer a teen, but of course forever a parent) you'll run across this a lot. I still run across it when I get to talking to people about it. You gotta learn to pick your battles, but absolutely put people in their place when necessary. Good on this guy.
What a great comeback! People would query why we didn't have a small house yard on our 4acre block. I'd reply it's okay, the electric fence keeps the kids from straying. Amazing how many thought I was serious
I'm afraid there is "one in every crowd." You were unlucky to get that one standing beside you.
It wasn't a legit question, it was a rude question. Would she have asked that of the mother? Or an older guy?" He's been managing for 5 years d so I would say he knows what he's doing
Oh darlin', no parent knows what they're doing, but you sure knew how to deal with an ogre, and two-handed high five to you - bravo!!! And for all your efforts, you're being a great dad, so keep up the good work, you sound like the best thing ever happened to that sweet daughter of yours.
I feel like this woman asked what in her mind was a valid question (albeit not her business) but in a very rude way...a better approach is here is my name and phone number. If you have any questions or just need to talk another adult who understands give me a call or text. That's how you make new adult friends and make setting up playdates for your kids. Not insinuating that he's a bad parent for being young and a single father ffs!
What did she want??? Him to sit down and give her , a stranger, his 20 year plan for his own child??? back off barbie, it's none of her business. I would of been SO rude to her.
OP is giving it his all. Keep it up young man! I am the baby of 40+ year old parents. They had their first child, my eldest brother in early 20s. What a difference in stamina and energy from first to last child. You do you and your child will know how hard you tried. We are born to make mistakes and learn so slipping up is just part of life's journey. Unfortunately the mom in this story only knows the Instagram parenting for birthdays and Christmas. YOU get all the ups and downs and in-betweens to love and learn through with your daughter.
I was a dad at 18. This kind of stuff happened at all the time. Back in the there were very few baby changing facilities outside of women's bathrooms. If I was on my own with the baby I had to ask permission to use the facilities. Many times I would be asked who's baby was it or even had people check to see if there was a baby in the stroller. Sometimes they would enter the woman's bathroom to make an announcement that a man with a baby was coming in and then put up barriers outside with a security guard to prevent any woman accidentally straying inside and seeing a man changing a nappy/diaper. Because this was a hassle Id be asked if I was SURE the baby needing changing and HOW I COULD TELL.
pffft, I am 37 with a 10 year old, and I still don't know what I am doing half the time. lol. He is now a preteen and it shows, I don't know how to parent a preteen, especially a BOY as I am a girl. I am definitely not looking forward to teenage years. Just glad my husband is such a great (step) dad to him and can help guide him as his bio dad isn't around much. (summer time dad)
Recently I've noticed people feel like it can be done flawlessly & you can handle everything perfectly all the time. Betting this lady is a believer of that & probably insecure AF about her own parenting. SO many young moms in particular trying to be perfect these days, ignoring their own instincts in favor of what some self proclaimed internet guru says. Thing is, there are no perfect parents. I tried. I really did. I'm gen x & my childhood was bit unstable so I tried to be perfect but you know what? Life still happens. Even when you're doing the best you can things happen that are beyond your control that affect your kids & you're only human. 18 years is a long a*s time to strive for perfection. The bottom line is, this guy is NTA. He's doing the best he can and his heart is in the right place, he's not abusing her or being negligent of her physical or emotional needs. Wait until that lad finds out "perfect" in 2023 will still be considered effed up by some in 2043.
PS young parents out there my kids are 18 & 23 and we are very close so....trust me. Listen to your gut, be empathetic, be honest with them about your imperfections and your love for them, and it WILL be ok. <3
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So basically, he's been a single parent since he was 16. I'm not going to assume anything, but kudos to him for being there for Morgan, cause that must have been tough. And this lady should have minded her own business. That was really disrespectful of her.
Holy s**t I’m 48 with a 12y/o daughter and I’ve no idea what is around the corner. Winging it since day one, loving the rollercoaster and trying my best to stay one step ahead in the parenting game. If you claim to know what you are doing 100% of the time then you are either clueless about what’s really going on or you are a liar. It’s normal to make missteps, it’s normal to question your decisions or down right get ‘em wrong, so long as you are present and trying your best to be the best parent you can be then you’ll muddle through.
I think his post is more of a humble brag than an actual question, but I think it was justified in this case. I would probably have given the same answer and be proud of it too. XD
NO parent knows what they're doing, it's literally a "learn on the job" situation.
Agreed. Parenting is the single most difficult thing I have ever done. Being consistent is the hardest part.
Load More Replies... Teenagers and young adults have been SUCCESSFULLY parenting children for many many thousands of years. 30, 40, 50 year old (and older) people have been UNSUCCESSFULLY parenting children for the same amount of time. We're all just winging it most of the time and hoping we make the right choices for our kids.
I'm sorry you're not completely right, Age has nothing to do with parenting. My brother just had his first child ( a premie) with his wife and he's 50 years old, they're both crushing it so far and I think they'll be ok. Judging someone for being young and saying they have no idea what they're doing is wrong but so is judging someone older for the sins of others the same age is wrong too.
Load More Replies... Myself and all the parents I know are winging it every day. I do love the response though.
Right? Like neither of my kids came with an instruction manual
Load More Replies... That lady was hella judgemental! Those were legitimate questions that he could ask himself but not anyone elses business, and no one else has any right to know!
This guy is a better parent at age 21 than either of my parents EVER were in the 18 years I was around. Good on this guy!!!
The ONLY thing I think that's wrong here is Morgan's mom. When there's a parent who's left, when they come back into the picture for a day but then leave again, it recreates that trauma for the child. He'd be better off cutting her off completely instead of coming back when it's convenient for her. I know that's not what the post is about, but that's the thing I noticed at least. My wife had to do the same to her ex when he cheated and walked out. My stepkids are 100% better off because of it. Otherwise, OP is doing an amazing job and that mom can take a long walk off a short pier.
It could also lead to a general dislike of holidays as holidays and birthdays are now connected to people leaving me, this could cause alienation from other kids as she likely would resent the happiness they have at holidays and birthdays. If Morgan were to have her own kids birthdays and holidays may be ignored as a reflection of this trauma.
Load More Replies... When I was 23, I was a combat veteran, but I also looked like I was 15yo. My nephew at the time was six years old. I was home on leave and took him for ice cream. He looked JUST like me at the time. A woman decided to start berating me for being such a young father and how I should have worn a condom, blah blah blah. Before I could say a word in response, my nephew said, "Ma'am, this is my uncle. He's a combat veteran who just came home from the war. You are rude and you know what? He's actually 23 years old and I hope he has kids some day because he's the best Uncle ever. Oh and you should really learn to mind your own business." He was 5! I couldn't have been more proud that day.
Sometimes the best answer for intrusive strangers is, “I’m sorry I don’t know you… Tell me why you want to know?”
To ask anyone, no matter the age, "what's plan B", especially 5 years in, is just ridiculous and rude. I could see a 40 year old answering the same sarcastic way, to be honest, and if someone can't understand something like that is a joke (especially in person -on lin it's sometimes hard to distinguish sarcasm, but not this one), they are the one with the problem. Maturity, not age is what matters, also. Nobody is given a parent manual and everyone parents by what works for them. As long as the kids are healthy, loved, and not abused or neglected (both physically and mentally), then who cares. It's all still day by day, situation by situation.
I am so impressed with this young man. I think his reply to a ridiculous question was hilarious . NTA
At 19 I was a lost soul with weird ideas about reality. At 20 I was an officer in the Italian army with several multi-million $ worth of equipment (including a tactical nuke missile) I signed off for and 20+ soldiers counting on me to keep them safe, organized, fed, etc. and everybody had a (often loaded) weapon. If you had asked me at 19 I'd have said "No way". We adapt. I had my daughter at 27, but if I had her at 19 or 16 I probably would have done my very best for her. You grow up when you need to. At least most of us do, I hope.
Can't stand these types of nosy ninnies. My response to the "What? You're a young parent? How old are you?" people is either a sarcastic answer like the OP gave, or a flat faced silence, because I'm no longer dignifying invasive, judgemental questions with an answer. They can say they're just curious all they want, but I'm not stupid like they think to know their intentions are to draw up negative opinions about my life they hardly know about.
That phrase, 'what my plan was in case I started to slip as a parent'.... (1) I have never heard of that, is this a generational thing? (2) I have a kid from the early 70s, and three from the early 80s, no one has ever asked me that question. (3) does SHE have a plan for if SHE slips as a parent? DUDE, you are awesome!! (you might want to put a card size copy of her birth certificate, laminated, in your wallet. I did this when people thought I was dating my son. I had given birth to him three days after my 16th birthday)
That's pretty freaking funny. It's great you stepped up to be a parent at 16. I hope you got help and finished school. Keep up the good work.
You did exactly what I would have done. Ask an insultingly stupid question, get an insultingly stupid answer (most assuredly NOT a legitimate question, as this arrogant, nosy idiot claims). It's one thing if a person, for instance, sees a parent yank abusively at a child's arm or something. However, this person clearly had no humility whatsoever about the fact she is just another human being with another SUBJECTIVE point of view about parenting, which is every bit as subject to being wrong as yours or anyone else's, her pisspoor critical thinking skills notwithstanding. It is neither her place to condescendingly pontificate to anyone, nor can she rightly claim she knew she was right about whatever she was about to preach to you. YOU DONE RIGHT! ;-) ***hugs to you and your daughter***
Oh man! I get that as well with my second oldest going into second year of college. But mostly it's the wow omg you have five. Usually my response is I have no clue what I am doing it's a daily winging it and usually what helps is taping them to the walla with ducttape.! I have had people second guess it and the doing the math in their head is always fun too. Thanks for keeping parenting real and fun!
NTA your "plan" made me laugh so hard. I think you answered that woman's question perfectly, and honestly politely. Age doesn't make a person a good or bad parent. You sound like an amazing father & your daughter is lucky she had such a wonderful daddy.
I was a young, single mum. It felt like the whole world was watching and waiting for me to slip up, especially the schools. One of my lowest moments was when my daughter was a toddler, I used to take her to the local group so she could learn to interact with other children, the group used to do mum's night out and someone asked me to babysit because I wasn't invited. Even now, I get comments from people about my age and my daughter is 23.
I feel you. The older my daughter got, the more weirded out people have gotten. It's not even "Oh, you have such a cute daughter." anymore. It's more like "I thought you were sisters/friends.... How old are you?" Only good thing about her being a grown adult is now everyone's concerned about if she's working, still in school and still living with me. Not sure if older parents get these invasive questions, but it still hints of judgements. The only time I had some friends who were moms was when I was still a young mom and those friends were other young moms. No other moms wanted to be my friend. Whenever my mom was with me they chatted her up instead, ignoring me.
Load More Replies... What does "SLIP" mean? Clearly this is an Americanism, which as an English speaker, I have never heard this before.
Lose it mentally or start drinking or realize you're in over your head. Honestly it's very vague and can mean a lot of things. Could also mean you used too much soap when mopping
Load More Replies... Being a parent is hard, you learn as you go, but it sounds like you are amazingly grounded and mature for your young age - whnever forget that intuition is an important part of the parenting deal, especially l. ( Love the perfect way you shut that busybody down)
My children go to public school so you get all kinds of parents. I met grandparents raising grandkids, lesbian moms, gay dads, trans parents, socially awkward moms/dads, refugees, want to be president of PTA moms, stripper moms.. all are great parents that love their kids. I never judge anyone because we all bond over being a parent of young kids. We laugh because kids are crazy and we are all tired. This woman needs to sit down.. just because you’re old doesn’t make you a better parent. Smh.
Yes, you are the jerk. $20 is too little to tape on the girl. At least $50.
Dude some people just don't know how to keep their opinions to themselves. I mean 5 years into parenthood is a milestone in itself. For me it proved I can keep a little human being alive and love the c**p outta them. Like the saying goes, "do you". As long as your kid is happy and knows they're loved, I don't see any reason for anyone to give me any c**p. Plus FYI, I think not getting sarcasm has something to do with some sort of mental illness. God bless👏
I had my son when I was 19 and I’m now 14 years in with him and I slipped plenty of times and guess what? That doesn’t make me a bad parent because I keep trying to do better.
Guts, it's his GENDER she was questioning. So many people think men can't parent. Why do you think the kids almost always go to the mother in custody disputes?
I am 67 now, and my son just turned 51. I tell people that here in Ky, we can raise kids 10 to 20 years before New Yorkers are able to do this. Your attitude is great! I knew a couple in their 40s with a child same age as mine, when mine was 5. They were awful parents, and it reassured me that I was doing okay if I could recognize bad parenting.
Being a single dad is harder than being a single mum. Just hear me out as sexism swings both ways. Yes, some will convict a single mum but in general people will be offering help because, you know, being a single mum is hard. A single dad however will more likely be scrutinized on every move with his kids, will be critized for every errorbecause "men can't care for children like women do". If help offered, it is usually a woman taking over because he's just a man... Fyi, I'm female and I've seen neglecting moms and wonderful dads and vice versa.
Should have asked what her plan was if she started slipping.
What a condescending, judgmental b*tch. You were much more polite than I would have been. No one knows what the hell they're doing as a first time parent, we're all pretty much making it up as we go along & hopefully don't make too many mistakes - or at least no serious ones. Some of us (the eldest children) sometimes do have a bit of an advantage, but having younger siblings is no guarantee of parenting success. You sound like a nice young man with a good head on your shoulders & I think your daughter is lucky to have you. Also - I do hope you have full & sole LEGAL custody? That woman may grow up one day and want to be part of her daughter's life. Your primary responsibility to your child is to protect her.
As a mom, grandma, great-grandma. I’m proud of this dad. No one knows what they are doing. Most refuse to admit it, but I’m a watcher and nope nobody knows what they’re doing
Anyone who says they're great parents and have no problems, everything is under control are lying through their teeth. Parenting is hard and you are generally learning as you go. Listen to others then discard 90% of what they say and used your common sense
I have 1 child and I often tell him that just as much as he is learning day to day, so am I! I tell him that I have never had a 7 year old or 16 year old or whatever age he is and that we are doing this life together! We learn from each other!
But is she, mature enough to have realised paradise doesn't exist and that you are just trying your best as everyone else. And criticising others for there lifestyle and methods is very immature.. NTA and great job of going for a hug and ignoring the insecure lady.
No the OP is NTA. The nosy, judgmental busybody was. None of her business as the girl was obviously fine. Seriously, wtf?!
OP Daddy, you are definitely NTA!!! You have a great sense of humor. One day, your daughter will appreciate all the hard work you have put in as her Daddy. Congratulations on being a real Father.
I wonder just how old she thought he was? At 21 I looked about 16, I wonder if he's the same? As for his response, I love it. Perfect "you're being too nosy so here's a joke response" answer.
The opposite of this is when you have your first in your late 30's and they expect you to have had lots of baby experience. I had had no experience with babies , kittens or puppies yes, but human? I didn't know anything. Had to work it out myself. So go you OP.
I'm 53 with two kids and three dogs and don't know my a*s from my elbow.
"Gee I never thought I'd need that. Maybe if you told me your plans for if you start to slip as a parent, I can use them as a starting point!"
People are just plain rude. Everybody who has their first kid is winging it. MAYBE by the third or fourth they have it down. Doubtful. By her standards I would have been incompetent. My daughter was born a month before my 21st birthday. She's 52 now.
As a former teen parent myself (I'm no longer a teen, but of course forever a parent) you'll run across this a lot. I still run across it when I get to talking to people about it. You gotta learn to pick your battles, but absolutely put people in their place when necessary. Good on this guy.
What a great comeback! People would query why we didn't have a small house yard on our 4acre block. I'd reply it's okay, the electric fence keeps the kids from straying. Amazing how many thought I was serious
I'm afraid there is "one in every crowd." You were unlucky to get that one standing beside you.
It wasn't a legit question, it was a rude question. Would she have asked that of the mother? Or an older guy?" He's been managing for 5 years d so I would say he knows what he's doing
Oh darlin', no parent knows what they're doing, but you sure knew how to deal with an ogre, and two-handed high five to you - bravo!!! And for all your efforts, you're being a great dad, so keep up the good work, you sound like the best thing ever happened to that sweet daughter of yours.
I feel like this woman asked what in her mind was a valid question (albeit not her business) but in a very rude way...a better approach is here is my name and phone number. If you have any questions or just need to talk another adult who understands give me a call or text. That's how you make new adult friends and make setting up playdates for your kids. Not insinuating that he's a bad parent for being young and a single father ffs!
What did she want??? Him to sit down and give her , a stranger, his 20 year plan for his own child??? back off barbie, it's none of her business. I would of been SO rude to her.
OP is giving it his all. Keep it up young man! I am the baby of 40+ year old parents. They had their first child, my eldest brother in early 20s. What a difference in stamina and energy from first to last child. You do you and your child will know how hard you tried. We are born to make mistakes and learn so slipping up is just part of life's journey. Unfortunately the mom in this story only knows the Instagram parenting for birthdays and Christmas. YOU get all the ups and downs and in-betweens to love and learn through with your daughter.
I was a dad at 18. This kind of stuff happened at all the time. Back in the there were very few baby changing facilities outside of women's bathrooms. If I was on my own with the baby I had to ask permission to use the facilities. Many times I would be asked who's baby was it or even had people check to see if there was a baby in the stroller. Sometimes they would enter the woman's bathroom to make an announcement that a man with a baby was coming in and then put up barriers outside with a security guard to prevent any woman accidentally straying inside and seeing a man changing a nappy/diaper. Because this was a hassle Id be asked if I was SURE the baby needing changing and HOW I COULD TELL.
pffft, I am 37 with a 10 year old, and I still don't know what I am doing half the time. lol. He is now a preteen and it shows, I don't know how to parent a preteen, especially a BOY as I am a girl. I am definitely not looking forward to teenage years. Just glad my husband is such a great (step) dad to him and can help guide him as his bio dad isn't around much. (summer time dad)
Recently I've noticed people feel like it can be done flawlessly & you can handle everything perfectly all the time. Betting this lady is a believer of that & probably insecure AF about her own parenting. SO many young moms in particular trying to be perfect these days, ignoring their own instincts in favor of what some self proclaimed internet guru says. Thing is, there are no perfect parents. I tried. I really did. I'm gen x & my childhood was bit unstable so I tried to be perfect but you know what? Life still happens. Even when you're doing the best you can things happen that are beyond your control that affect your kids & you're only human. 18 years is a long a*s time to strive for perfection. The bottom line is, this guy is NTA. He's doing the best he can and his heart is in the right place, he's not abusing her or being negligent of her physical or emotional needs. Wait until that lad finds out "perfect" in 2023 will still be considered effed up by some in 2043.
PS young parents out there my kids are 18 & 23 and we are very close so....trust me. Listen to your gut, be empathetic, be honest with them about your imperfections and your love for them, and it WILL be ok. <3
Load More Replies... So basically, he's been a single parent since he was 16. I'm not going to assume anything, but kudos to him for being there for Morgan, cause that must have been tough. And this lady should have minded her own business. That was really disrespectful of her.
Holy s**t I’m 48 with a 12y/o daughter and I’ve no idea what is around the corner. Winging it since day one, loving the rollercoaster and trying my best to stay one step ahead in the parenting game. If you claim to know what you are doing 100% of the time then you are either clueless about what’s really going on or you are a liar. It’s normal to make missteps, it’s normal to question your decisions or down right get ‘em wrong, so long as you are present and trying your best to be the best parent you can be then you’ll muddle through.
I think his post is more of a humble brag than an actual question, but I think it was justified in this case. I would probably have given the same answer and be proud of it too. XD
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