Woman Encourages SIL To Apply For A New Job, Regrets It When She Hears She Wants To Move In With Her

It’s no secret that the job market is an absolute nightmare at the moment. Even if you hate your job, you might have to stick it out for a while, because finding something else can be incredibly difficult.

The best way to land a new position is by having friends or family members who are eager to help you out. But how much should they be expected to assist you? After one woman encouraged her sister-in-law to apply for a job in her city, she thought that her work was done. Now, however, she’s realized that she’s going to have to set some strict boundaries. Below, you’ll find the full story that she posted on Reddit, as well as some of the replies invested readers left her. 

This woman was happy to help out her sister-in-law by encouraging her to apply for a job in her city

SkelDry / magnific (not the actual photo)

But she had no idea that she would also be expected to provide housing for her husband’s sister

odua / magnific (not the actual photo)

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Family members are not entitled to your attention at all times

The reason why so many of us are willing to do anything for our relatives is that we love them. Taking time out of the day to help out a sibling, parent, or cousin doesn’t feel like a burden, because you know that they would happily do the same for you. And you want your relatives to be happy, healthy, and successful.

But there’s a difference between relatives happily accepting help and assistance from you and demanding it or feeling entitled to it. Unfortunately, in the case of this particular story, it sounds like the sister-in-law felt entitled to free housing provided by her brother and his wife.

When it comes to dealing with difficult family members, Headspace notes that it’s important to decide what your role in the relationship will be. If you’re not comfortable providing housing or being available for your relatives 24/7, you need to make that clear.

It’s also important to remember that family drama is inevitable from time to time, but another relative’s issues are not your fault. You can’t expect to be able to fix or change your family members, especially your in-laws. Most of us are set in our ways, and there’s nothing anyone can do or say to change that.

One necessary part of dealing with difficult relatives is being able to set boundaries with your challenging family members. Simply Psychology notes that this may not be easy, due to the systems that have been established in your family for years or decades.

user17097829 / magnific (not the actual photo)

It’s not always easy to turn the tide. There may also be a complicated history and some guilt in your relationships with relatives. Plus, power differentials and financial entanglements can make everything more complicated. Meanwhile, you genuinely love and care for your family members, so you won’t want to harm your relationships with them. 

But loving someone doesn’t mean that they’re entitled to every aspect of you all the time. You have every right to set physical limits on when your relatives can see you. 

At the same time, you can set informational boundaries with relatives too. They’re not entitled to know every detail about your life, and you don’t have to discuss or reveal anything that you don’t want to.  

You also have the right to set decision limits with loved ones. Even if they want to give you unsolicited advice or share their opinions on your lifestyle and choices, that doesn’t mean that they should have any impact on your decisions. Your life is in your control.

Meanwhile, it doesn’t matter how hard relatives try to guilt trip you into bending over backward for them or making sacrifices for them; you don’t have to do anything that you’re uncomfortable with. Remember that you can always say no, as your mental health and peace of mind should be your utmost priority.

We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. How would you react if you were in the author’s shoes? Then, if you’re interested in reading another article from Bored Panda featuring similar family drama, look no further than right here.

Later, the author replied to a couple of comments and provided more details about the situation

Readers assured the author that she has no obligation to house her sister-in-law, and many encouraged her to stand her ground

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