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“I Couldn’t Lie”: Birth Mother’s Brutal Truth Shatters SIL’s Narrative Of How Terrible Adoption Is
There are many reasons why a birth mother might choose not to keep her baby. Finances, age, the circumstances surrounding her pregnancy, the dynamics of her relationship with the father, mental health or physical health issues are just a few. According to the United Nations, an estimated 260,000 adoptions take place worldwide every year. Some are through foster care, others via adoption agencies.
One birth mother has opened up about why she chose not to raise her “own baby” when she gave birth at the age of 20. She was being interviewed by her sister-in-law who is studying to be a social worker. But the interview took a surprising turn when her SIL got angry with her for being honest. Now, she’s wondering whether she should have declined the interview altogether.
RELATED:
Giving your baby up for adoption is a decision that you’ll live with for a long time
Image credits: KaterinaDalemans (not the actual photo)
When one woman admitted that she has “zero regrets” fourteen years later, her SIL lost it
Image credits: micens (not the actual photo)
Image credits: AccentStreet
What the adoption process entails, according to a registered agency
Nearly half of all pregnancies are unintended. That’s around 121 million a year, according to a 2022 United Nations Population Fund (UNPF) report. The UNPF has gone as far as calling it an “unintended global crisis”. While some women or girls choose to keep their babies, others opt to terminate their pregnancies, or give up their children for adoption.
Private, non-profit adoption agency Adoption Choice Inc. (ACI) cautions that birth moms should be fully aware of the process and their options before committing to placing their child or child for adoption.
The organization says if your reasons are financial, there is help available. They suggest talking to an adoption agency or social worker about this. The same applies if you lack food or shelter. “They can also help you get your financial documents to reach out to the court to get some expenses covered,” notes the site.
However, ACI warns that it is illegal for anyone to offer you money in exchange for your child and if this ever happens, you should contact the police or other authorities immediately.
Should you choose to go through with the adoption process, you’ll first have to select and make contact with a registered agency. Once you’ve had an initial meeting with them, the process of finding adoptive parents will begin. In the case of ACI and many other agencies, you’ll have full control over the type of family you wish to place your child with, the openness and level of contact you would like to have with that family and your child during the pregnancy and in future. You can also choose your birth plan and hospital.
According to Adoption Choice, adoptive families are thoroughly screened, and this includes home visits. The agency only accepts families that have completed the required hours of pre-adoptive education, have the financial stability to provide for a child, are healthy and active, have been screened through background checks and interviewed several times, have a strong commitment to adoption, and are open to the various levels of contact from birth parents.
Once you’ve found the right family for your child, and it’s a “match,” you can choose to build a relationship with them throughout your pregnancy – if you so wish. “This helps you to get to know the family and confirm they are the right family to raise your child,” advises the agency. “You can discuss your hospital plans and other plans, such as post-placement contact, throughout your pregnancy.”
Adoption Choice says contact is different in every situation. It can be via phone or video calls, texts, emails, or in person. The next step is to finalize your birth plan: where and how you want to deliver your baby, and who you want present.
Once your child is born, you’ll have to complete paperwork to request a hearing to terminate your parental rights. The legal hearing is usually held about a month after the birth, or after the paperwork is submitted. “Your counselor will be there with you at the hearing and will ensure that you understand your rights and feel comfortable moving forward with your decision,” reads the agency site.
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)
The woman gave quite a bit more info in the comments
Many netizens came to the birth mom’s defense and worried about the SIL becoming a social worker
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What do you think ?
Kathy Brooke 8 months ago
Rule one of research: you can't dictate what you want to find, and have to include what you don't work. Rule one of children's social work: every case is unique and you can't have a blanket policy. Heaven help this woman when she comes up against issues in perinatal mental health. I hope nobody dies before she gets the boot.
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 8 months ago
Yes, crazy SIL is actually tantruming about her data ruining her pet hypothesis! If BIL doesn't leave OP alone, I'd threaten to talk to her project supervisor. 😃. What an idiot.
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Mark Childers 8 months ago
Not everyone was meant to be a parent, and s*x isn't just for procreation. Accidents happen, and there has to be an option for those who choose and/or are able to have an abortion.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 8 months ago
That's a good point. And ràpe and incést happen all the time. So SIL apparently wants all ràpe victims to raise the babies that are the result of their traumatizing sexuàl àssault? And when an uncle or father sexuàlly àssaults their 12-year-old niece/daughter and that child becomes impregnated due to incést, SIL wants the 12-year-old to keep that baby and raise it, or allow the immediate family members - including the incéstuous ràpist - to raise that baby?
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Lyone Fein 8 months ago
This woman’s SIL is not only a poor writer, but also delusional in general. First as a paper writer: you can’t just ignore a mountain of evidence simply because it doesn’t fit your agenda. That’s called being dishonest and irrational. And it makes for a very weak argument. Second, in reality there are tons of pregnancies that happen because of negative circumstances or in negative situations, and being offered all sorts of external support may have no influence over a woman’s feelings about actually being a mother. The sister in law is just showing how little life experience she herself has, by not being able to envision the variety of situations………whether due to extreme birth defects, or sexual abuse and violence, or maternal d r u g use or the mother’s own mental or physical health issues, etc…… any of these things can be reasons why a woman might choose to surrender custody of her baby.
Kathy Brooke 8 months ago
Rule one of research: you can't dictate what you want to find, and have to include what you don't work. Rule one of children's social work: every case is unique and you can't have a blanket policy. Heaven help this woman when she comes up against issues in perinatal mental health. I hope nobody dies before she gets the boot.
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 8 months ago
Yes, crazy SIL is actually tantruming about her data ruining her pet hypothesis! If BIL doesn't leave OP alone, I'd threaten to talk to her project supervisor. 😃. What an idiot.
Load More Replies... Mark Childers 8 months ago
Not everyone was meant to be a parent, and s*x isn't just for procreation. Accidents happen, and there has to be an option for those who choose and/or are able to have an abortion.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 8 months ago
That's a good point. And ràpe and incést happen all the time. So SIL apparently wants all ràpe victims to raise the babies that are the result of their traumatizing sexuàl àssault? And when an uncle or father sexuàlly àssaults their 12-year-old niece/daughter and that child becomes impregnated due to incést, SIL wants the 12-year-old to keep that baby and raise it, or allow the immediate family members - including the incéstuous ràpist - to raise that baby?
Load More Replies... Lyone Fein 8 months ago
This woman’s SIL is not only a poor writer, but also delusional in general. First as a paper writer: you can’t just ignore a mountain of evidence simply because it doesn’t fit your agenda. That’s called being dishonest and irrational. And it makes for a very weak argument. Second, in reality there are tons of pregnancies that happen because of negative circumstances or in negative situations, and being offered all sorts of external support may have no influence over a woman’s feelings about actually being a mother. The sister in law is just showing how little life experience she herself has, by not being able to envision the variety of situations………whether due to extreme birth defects, or sexual abuse and violence, or maternal d r u g use or the mother’s own mental or physical health issues, etc…… any of these things can be reasons why a woman might choose to surrender custody of her baby.
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