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38
Guy Won’t Get The Message, Keeps Bothering Woman At Gym, Is Shocked When She Snaps
Is it okay for guys to approach a woman at the gym? There’s been a raging debate about this for many years. Some believe it’s a total “no-no,” while others say “why not?” Then there are those who argue that it largely depends on the circumstances, and how the man goes about it.
One woman’s recent experience has caused people to butt heads over the topic once again. She shared how she was approached by a very persistent guy, both in and out of the gym. When some netizens criticized the woman for how “rudely” she handled the situation, she backed up her behavior by relaying another, more scary, incident involving a different man at the gym. Only then, did a few people understand where she was coming from.
You can read more about it below. Bored Panda also reached out to Etiquette Expert and Author Rosalinda Randall for her advice regarding approaching women at gym.
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Putting on headphones at the gym to avoid being approached is one of the oldest tricks in the book
Image credits: Aly Ramirez / unsplash (not the actual photo)
But when that didn’t work for one woman on a very a persistent guy, she snapped
Image credits: Doug Golden / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
People had questions and the woman provided more info
Image credits: Anastase Maragos / unsplash (not the actual photo)
The woman gave an update later and included some details of another gym incident
Image credits: Anastase Maragos / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Sergio Kian / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Marvin Cors / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: iamplayingfavorites
“Let me be your workout”: an expert weighs in on the whole debate
Image credits: Michael DeMoya / unsplash (not the actual photo)
While the jury is out on whether or not it’s ever okay to approach a woman at the gym, it’ll probably always depend on the preference of the woman. And for those who are willing to risk it, we reached out to Etiquette Expert and Author, Rosalinda Randall to get her advice.
Firstly, you should never interrupt her workout; instead, wait for a break. “Don’t approach if she’s with a trainer or a workout buddy,” Randall added. And for the love of ripped bodies, do not ever take photos or videos of her. Besides being creepy, she could report you, and you’ll have some serious problems on your hands.
“I’d advise a man to approach in a professional manner,” Randall told Bored Panda, adding that there’s no room for obnoxious lines like “Let me be your workout,” “I could watch you all day,” or “You look like you can use a break.”
She says a less creepy approach might be, “Excuse me, may I show you another way to lift?” “Would you mind if I worked out with you?” or “I’ve seen you here a few times, I thought I’d say hi”. But even those lines won’t fly with some women.
Reasons she might brush you off or shut you down…
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
One of the reasons women give for not wanting to be approached at gym is because they are there purely to train, and that’s all they want to focus on. Randall says sometimes there are other things at play. You might be the third guy who’s hit on her and quite frankly, she’s over it. Or, maybe she’s just not into you and you’re not her type. She’s possibly even seen you hit on every other woman at the gym. She could also be in a relationship, or not interested in men at all.
If you’re on the receiving end of being shut down by a woman at the gym, Randall advises that you maintain your dignity and don’t let your ego take over. She suggests saying something like, “Got it, have a great workout” or “I didn’t mean to bother you.” Or simply say nothing and walk away.
We asked Randall how women should deal with unwanted approaches at the gym. “If the guy’s approach is disrespectful or his talk is bargain-basement, your go-to response should be to promptly stop, stand up, squarely look him in the eye, and sternly tell him to back off,” advised the expert. “If he doesn’t, report him immediately. Don’t try to handle it yourself.”
She added that if it’s a “sweet or cheesy” attempt to start a conversation, but you’re not in the mood, you can still be tactful. “There’s no need to berate another human being or make a scene,” she told Bored Panda.
Randall suggests simply responding with something along the lines of, “Thank you for the compliment. I’m not interested,” “It’s kind of you, but I’m not available” or “I’m here to work out, not meet anyone.”
“A tight-fitting outfit is not a signal for come-hit-on-me,” do better!
Image credits: Pablo Merchán Montes / unsplash (not the actual photo)
“Some women smile at everyone they make eye contact with, while some women are by nature, alluring,” says Randall. “This can unintentionally give off the wrong signals.” She warns that guys should exercise their brains too before risking being shut down.
“Be aware that you might be misinterpreting a smile or a glance,” said Randall. “That come-hither look could have been directed at someone behind you.”
“A tight-fitting outfit is not a signal for come-hit-on-me,” she warns, adding that, “Working out may boost hormones, so beware of your mind’s frisky thoughts and body’s feelings of attraction.”
Randalls says that if it isn’t the right time, but there might be some interest, suggest meeting after the workout. “If her response is negative or indifferent, offer a sincere and brief apology, then walk away and never look back.”
She also cautions that should the encounter turn into a relationship and then fizzles out, things could get awkward. And you might find yourself looking for a new gym.
People had lots to say in response to the story and many took the woman’s side
“Rude”: some felt the woman could have done better
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What do you think ?
Ellinor 5 months ago
I agree with EVERYTHING she said in her post. And to all the YTA's comments, no one is owed a conversation with anyone. Yes the guy was friendly but it doesn't matter, she doesn't want to speak to him (or anyone) and she doesn't have to (and that guy also ignored multiples clues that she wanted to be left alone)
Nikole 5 months ago
So much this! And I love her ending about why the guy didn’t confront the other guy.
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BeesEelsAndPups 5 months ago
I just want to follow up with an answer to her question: Why is it easier for a man to comfort a woman than to confront the man being a jerk? Well, there's a lot of reasons, but here's a few: 1) Men are often just as shocked as women are when I guy behaves way out of line. It can be hard to realize what is happening until it's actually happened, so intervening is often just not possible until our brains are computing what the situation is. 2) Not all men are comfortable with confrontation. And starting a fight with a guy rather than telling a manager or offering comfort are just not top of mind. 3) We are also regularly told that by being confrontational, we are making the incident about the man, and taking away from the fact that a woman was just put into that situation, and so we should be recognizing her experience first. These are just a few, there are plenty more, but I ran out of space
Bartlet for world domination 5 months ago
Yeah. Re. 3: What works best for me is knowing the other men in a space will have my back. I can handle an аsshole, but if it turns out I can't, there's five guys who have already manifested in the corners of my eyes to make sure nothing goes wrong.
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lwolf1952 5 months ago
The only time I would talk to a woman at a gym would be if I needed to tell her the building was on fire.
BeesEelsAndPups 5 months ago
For me it would be to ask where the exit is, and why am I in a gym?
Load More Replies...
Ellinor 5 months ago
I agree with EVERYTHING she said in her post. And to all the YTA's comments, no one is owed a conversation with anyone. Yes the guy was friendly but it doesn't matter, she doesn't want to speak to him (or anyone) and she doesn't have to (and that guy also ignored multiples clues that she wanted to be left alone)
Nikole 5 months ago
So much this! And I love her ending about why the guy didn’t confront the other guy.
Load More Replies... BeesEelsAndPups 5 months ago
I just want to follow up with an answer to her question: Why is it easier for a man to comfort a woman than to confront the man being a jerk? Well, there's a lot of reasons, but here's a few: 1) Men are often just as shocked as women are when I guy behaves way out of line. It can be hard to realize what is happening until it's actually happened, so intervening is often just not possible until our brains are computing what the situation is. 2) Not all men are comfortable with confrontation. And starting a fight with a guy rather than telling a manager or offering comfort are just not top of mind. 3) We are also regularly told that by being confrontational, we are making the incident about the man, and taking away from the fact that a woman was just put into that situation, and so we should be recognizing her experience first. These are just a few, there are plenty more, but I ran out of space
Bartlet for world domination 5 months ago
Yeah. Re. 3: What works best for me is knowing the other men in a space will have my back. I can handle an аsshole, but if it turns out I can't, there's five guys who have already manifested in the corners of my eyes to make sure nothing goes wrong.
Load More Replies... lwolf1952 5 months ago
The only time I would talk to a woman at a gym would be if I needed to tell her the building was on fire.
BeesEelsAndPups 5 months ago
For me it would be to ask where the exit is, and why am I in a gym?
Load More Replies...
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