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Man Has Had It With GF Controlling His Finances, Dumps Her When She Says His Sister Is Scamming Him
You’d think that a person who puts his family first is a desirable candidate for a serious romantic relationship. However, for Reddit user Throwaway-9873 it was actually the reason why he got into a huge fight with his girlfriend.
In a post on the popular subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘, he explained that the woman got mad because he contributes to his sister’s rent and demanded that he help her pay off her student debt instead. I guess it’s true what they say, more money, more problems.
RELATED:
This man was helping out his sister financially while she was earning her Master’s degree
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
But his girlfriend thought she was exploiting him
Image credits: DNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
As the story went viral, the original poster (OP) provided more context for the situation
Image credits: 401(K) 2012 (not the actual photo)
He really appreciated people sharing their opinions about the whole ordeal
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Throwaway-9873
And issued another update after his ex wanted to get back together
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Throwaway-9873
As this story shows, rushing a relationship without getting to know a person can lead to serious conflict, especially when it comes to money
Image credits: Budgeron Bach (not the actual photo)
The original poster (OP) mentioned that looking back, this whole thing could’ve been avoided if he had taken the time to get to know his now-ex-girlfriend and wouldn’t have moved in with her so fast. And there might be a fair amount of truth to it.
Of course, every couple moves at its own pace and has its own milestones, but this decision is a big step, so you need to assess just how ready you are.
“If you think of a new relationship as a life transition, then you can give the relationship at least 1 year to wait to make the leap to cohabitate,” Kim Egel, a marriage and family therapist in Cardiff, California, said.
Research from 2017 discovered that from 2011–2015, 70% of marriages among women under 36 years old started with at least 3 years of cohabitation before marriage.
Egel thinks that if you’re feeling unsure, you should have more intimate conversations around the future.
“Factor in important topics such as want for a family, finances, and emotional readiness,” she suggested. “These are topics that can help deepen a connection, or show where there is work and a conversation to be had.”
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
Sadly, this experience isn’t a standalone example. 48% of Americans who are married or living with a partner say they argue with the person over money, according to a survey by The Cashlorette. Most of those fights are about spending habits: 60% said that one person spends too much or the other is too cheap.
These conflicts can have serious consequences. In many cases, they are the number one predictor of whether or not you’ll end up divorced, according to a study of more than 4,500 couples.
“Financial disagreements did predict divorce more strongly than other common problem areas like disagreements over household tasks or spending time together,” the authors of the study concluded.
Everyone was really happy to hear that the man managed to stay calm and collected
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What do you think ?
R Dennis 2 years ago
She had him hooked: free rent, able to get a new BMW, he was putting a ton of money away for "their" house but she got greedy. I am so glad, because if they had bought a house together or worse yet... gotten married, she would have had her hooks in him and hand in his pocket forever.
Sonja 2 years ago
People like that always escalate until their greed sabotages them. I like the saying: penny wise pound foolish.
Load More Replies...
Leekun 2 years ago
Pffft the ex was going on about how he would be desperate to get her back and yet she is the one trying to seduce him and so on. Pathetic
Mathias 2 years ago
Of course, you could see the pattern, she is raised either believing she's above the league of men she's dating or did date men beyond her league in the past. And that caused her to get away with lot's of things. And my guess is that this was enabled by the parents from a very young age on. Now she meets somebody that is in no way dependent on her she still plays this game until the realisation sinks in that actually the guy doesn't need her. She's having the first realisation that she made an error but can't admit to it, so she tries what always worked for her: using her beauty to seduce the man. But the guy is solid and strong in his values so it doesn't work. At that point her program stops working, she never learned to handle such a situation and when it all collapses the Ego takes over and turns sadness and desperation in anger and yeah... that never works out well for the person who tries to look strong when actually being weak.
Load More Replies...
Lisa H 2 years ago
Wow, that was quite a ride. Does the ex-gf's wardrobe consist entirely of red to match the many flags she has? She is an incredibly selfish person. I totally understand that when you're in a relationship, it's important to prioritize your S/O, but not to the degree that she was demanding. Life happens, priorities change. Not to mention the fact that they moved in together VERY quickly. This girl just wanted to be a spoiled princess and control every aspect of his life and she sees him standing up for himself as a red flag, even though it's not.
The Starsong Princess 2 years ago
While the gf is quite dreadful, at least the way op tells it, the fundamental problem is they moved in together and planned to buy a house without having a conversation about values. Op values his family of origin above the couple which might be ok for this point of their relationship but may not in the future. Also, he planned to have his parents live with them if necessary. That’s not a decision you can make unilaterally if you are married. , especially as the dil is often the one who provides the care. What about her parents? Will they give them money too? Her siblings? What if the choice in the future was between fully paying for their children’s education vs giving the sister money if she became unemployed? It’s about values and if your values aren’t aligned, then there is a serious problem with the relationship.
The Cuckoo 2 years ago
This! So much this! My partner’s parents are in their mid 70s and we are mid 30s, my parents are mid 60s. I had a chat with him and his parents stating that if one of them passed, the other is more than welcome to stay with us. They were talking about their wills with my partner (a conversation I left the room for) but never discussed end of life care and I told them I never wanted them to feel like a burden and I would love for them to stay with us. My parents are wealthy and told me they wouldn’t need end of life care, explicitly even, but discussing this with you partner is so important. Could you imagine if you’re soul mate dies after 50 years of marriage and you have to ASK your only son to live with them and the wife says NO? WTF!
Load More Replies...
David H 2 years ago (edited)
While the guy made the right choices, but I feel as someone who lives in NYC and has my whole life, if the sister is paying 2800 in rent a month, she is living in either an expensive neighborhood or a high end building. My neighborhood 1 bed room apartment (with a eat in kitchen and a living room) go for 1500-1800 a month, 2 bedroom with a dining room added go for 2k-2200 a month (studios for less). The luxury apartments in my neighborhood (Building with a doorman, gym, pool, rooftop garden, etc) a 1 bedroom start at 2400 a month. And it is just 25 min by public transit from Midtown Manhattan, and is ranked one of the safest in NYC. Sounds like the sister is living in a very expensive place, and could make a much less costly option. And $350 a month for transportation, it is 2.75 flat rate for Buses and Subways, with free transfers from bus to subway (5.50 for express buses) $350 is 127 subway and bus rides with transfers, or 63 express bus trips with a free transfer, thats a lot
Mathias 2 years ago
It is mentioned in the text that the parents agreed under the condition she's living in a nicer/saver place because they were afraid of her going to NYC.
Load More Replies...
️️Upvote faery️ 2 years ago (edited)
Wow! Lots of manipulations being used by this ex gf! What a piece of work! I'm happy to read that OP stood his ground and ex gf is gone!
Marleina Hershberg 2 years ago
What a piece of work she is, I feel sorry for the poor sucker who ends up stuck in a marriage with her.
R Dennis 2 years ago
She had him hooked: free rent, able to get a new BMW, he was putting a ton of money away for "their" house but she got greedy. I am so glad, because if they had bought a house together or worse yet... gotten married, she would have had her hooks in him and hand in his pocket forever.
Sonja 2 years ago
People like that always escalate until their greed sabotages them. I like the saying: penny wise pound foolish.
Load More Replies... Leekun 2 years ago
Pffft the ex was going on about how he would be desperate to get her back and yet she is the one trying to seduce him and so on. Pathetic
Mathias 2 years ago
Of course, you could see the pattern, she is raised either believing she's above the league of men she's dating or did date men beyond her league in the past. And that caused her to get away with lot's of things. And my guess is that this was enabled by the parents from a very young age on. Now she meets somebody that is in no way dependent on her she still plays this game until the realisation sinks in that actually the guy doesn't need her. She's having the first realisation that she made an error but can't admit to it, so she tries what always worked for her: using her beauty to seduce the man. But the guy is solid and strong in his values so it doesn't work. At that point her program stops working, she never learned to handle such a situation and when it all collapses the Ego takes over and turns sadness and desperation in anger and yeah... that never works out well for the person who tries to look strong when actually being weak.
Load More Replies... Lisa H 2 years ago
Wow, that was quite a ride. Does the ex-gf's wardrobe consist entirely of red to match the many flags she has? She is an incredibly selfish person. I totally understand that when you're in a relationship, it's important to prioritize your S/O, but not to the degree that she was demanding. Life happens, priorities change. Not to mention the fact that they moved in together VERY quickly. This girl just wanted to be a spoiled princess and control every aspect of his life and she sees him standing up for himself as a red flag, even though it's not.
The Starsong Princess 2 years ago
While the gf is quite dreadful, at least the way op tells it, the fundamental problem is they moved in together and planned to buy a house without having a conversation about values. Op values his family of origin above the couple which might be ok for this point of their relationship but may not in the future. Also, he planned to have his parents live with them if necessary. That’s not a decision you can make unilaterally if you are married. , especially as the dil is often the one who provides the care. What about her parents? Will they give them money too? Her siblings? What if the choice in the future was between fully paying for their children’s education vs giving the sister money if she became unemployed? It’s about values and if your values aren’t aligned, then there is a serious problem with the relationship.
The Cuckoo 2 years ago
This! So much this! My partner’s parents are in their mid 70s and we are mid 30s, my parents are mid 60s. I had a chat with him and his parents stating that if one of them passed, the other is more than welcome to stay with us. They were talking about their wills with my partner (a conversation I left the room for) but never discussed end of life care and I told them I never wanted them to feel like a burden and I would love for them to stay with us. My parents are wealthy and told me they wouldn’t need end of life care, explicitly even, but discussing this with you partner is so important. Could you imagine if you’re soul mate dies after 50 years of marriage and you have to ASK your only son to live with them and the wife says NO? WTF!
Load More Replies... David H 2 years ago (edited)
While the guy made the right choices, but I feel as someone who lives in NYC and has my whole life, if the sister is paying 2800 in rent a month, she is living in either an expensive neighborhood or a high end building. My neighborhood 1 bed room apartment (with a eat in kitchen and a living room) go for 1500-1800 a month, 2 bedroom with a dining room added go for 2k-2200 a month (studios for less). The luxury apartments in my neighborhood (Building with a doorman, gym, pool, rooftop garden, etc) a 1 bedroom start at 2400 a month. And it is just 25 min by public transit from Midtown Manhattan, and is ranked one of the safest in NYC. Sounds like the sister is living in a very expensive place, and could make a much less costly option. And $350 a month for transportation, it is 2.75 flat rate for Buses and Subways, with free transfers from bus to subway (5.50 for express buses) $350 is 127 subway and bus rides with transfers, or 63 express bus trips with a free transfer, thats a lot
Mathias 2 years ago
It is mentioned in the text that the parents agreed under the condition she's living in a nicer/saver place because they were afraid of her going to NYC.
Load More Replies... ️️Upvote faery️ 2 years ago (edited)
Wow! Lots of manipulations being used by this ex gf! What a piece of work! I'm happy to read that OP stood his ground and ex gf is gone!
Marleina Hershberg 2 years ago
What a piece of work she is, I feel sorry for the poor sucker who ends up stuck in a marriage with her.
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