When you get married, you legally agree to share everything. That’s in terms of your inner world, the everyday responsibilities, and, of course, the finances.
The latter, though, can be quite tricky in some situations. That is why some couples these days opt for a prenuptial agreement before they legally become a family.
The reasons for a prenup are plenty. Maybe you already have children you want to ensure a secure future for or a business that you wish to protect. Some people are encouraged to get such an agreement by their families because of a possible inheritance.
Whatever the reason, separating the finances can be a smart move. The man in this story, though, might have taken the separation part a little bit too far. Scroll down to read about his situation and see why many commentators identified him as the jerk.
Even when you’re in a relationship, you are entitled to privacy
Image credits: Jesse Wagstaff (not the actual photo)
However, privacy and secrecy are two different things. The man in the following story seems to have confused the two
Image credits: Polina Zimmerman (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Sensitive_R
The secrecy of the situation is a little concerning
Image credits: Nathan Cowley (not the actual photo)
His point of view is understandable. He was simply managing his own assets in a way he preferred to do so. As the house is in his name, it is only fair he is the only one making the decision on what to do with it.
However, as many pointed out, this is not really about the house or wife having a say in what to do with it. In fact, a lot of people agreed that he didn’t really need to consult her about it at all. But the fact that he didn’t once mention anything about making a fairly big financial decision made a lot of people concerned for their communication.
Privacy and independence are needed in every healthy relationship
Image credits: Git Stephen Gitau (not the actual photo)
Having privacy in a relationship is important. Esther Perel, a psychotherapist famous for her work on relationships, says that it’s crucial to make a healthy relationship work. In her book Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, she says “Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy. Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness.”
This means that you’re not obliged to tell your partner every single thing you do. You’re also not required to give out the passwords for your phone or your credit card PIN. Some experiences are personal, and it’s important to keep them that way.
Hiding things from your partner can lead to serious trouble
Image credits: Odonata Wellnesscenter (not the actual photo)
Once you start hiding something from your partner on purpose, you are veering into the secrecy territory, which is not great.
OkCupid suggests identifying the reasons for which you’re trying to keep things under wraps. Is it because you’re ashamed or scared of the partner’s reaction? Do you think they will get mad? Then you’re probably simply avoiding dealing with the situation at hand.
This seems to be the case in this story, where the man told his wife about his big financial decision at pretty much the last possible moment. He knew the wife would raise her concerns and worries and he didn’t want to deal with those. So, now he needs to deal with her anger.
Hiding something so important can create distrust in a relationship, which might lead to bigger troubles. Owning up to the secrecy and clarifying his intentions might be the only way forward.
The majority of commentators agreed that this was a jerk move
Some, however, thought that the man was justified in his actions
YTA - not telling your partner you are selling the house you currently live in is not socially acceptable behaviour....no matter who owns it!
Here in Sweden the married partner must sign a form giving permission selling a house. Gussing it's something to do with divorce and hiding money?
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I simply cannot understand that there are so many NTA's in there. Sure it was his house, so he can technically do with it what he wants, but how can people be so neglegent about the fact that she probably has a lot of feelings invested in that place too? As her partner, the least he can do is to investigate her opinion on the project before finalising it. That house was a home, not just a stockoption, and selling it will inevitably have some sort of effect on her life. When you are married, actions you consider taking that can cause major lifechanges for either of you ought to be descussed so you can make an informed choice where all relevant considerations has been taken into account.
I think they confuse "legally it's his right to do it so he is not wrong" with "legally it's his right to do it so he is not wrong, but that still makes him an a*****e". Being legally right doesn't mean you can't be an a*****e. It's about morals. Empathy, emotions, feelings, decent behaviour.
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YTA. Seriously, you sold the house without even consulting your wife? This is a residence, not a business suit. Smart move leaving the spouse out of the arrangement. Just remember: what goes around, comes around. Don't be surprised if she makes a decision about her personal assets or having children, without discussing it with you.
YTA - not telling your partner you are selling the house you currently live in is not socially acceptable behaviour....no matter who owns it!
Here in Sweden the married partner must sign a form giving permission selling a house. Gussing it's something to do with divorce and hiding money?
Load More Replies... I simply cannot understand that there are so many NTA's in there. Sure it was his house, so he can technically do with it what he wants, but how can people be so neglegent about the fact that she probably has a lot of feelings invested in that place too? As her partner, the least he can do is to investigate her opinion on the project before finalising it. That house was a home, not just a stockoption, and selling it will inevitably have some sort of effect on her life. When you are married, actions you consider taking that can cause major lifechanges for either of you ought to be descussed so you can make an informed choice where all relevant considerations has been taken into account.
I think they confuse "legally it's his right to do it so he is not wrong" with "legally it's his right to do it so he is not wrong, but that still makes him an a*****e". Being legally right doesn't mean you can't be an a*****e. It's about morals. Empathy, emotions, feelings, decent behaviour.
Load More Replies... YTA. Seriously, you sold the house without even consulting your wife? This is a residence, not a business suit. Smart move leaving the spouse out of the arrangement. Just remember: what goes around, comes around. Don't be surprised if she makes a decision about her personal assets or having children, without discussing it with you.
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