Even Straight-A Students Get Stumped On This School Quiz: Score At Least 30/36 To Prove You’re Smarter

Me too! Mrs. Rose knew everything!

Actually it's the International Astronomical Union (https://www.iau.org/) who decides this matter. It regroups astronomers worldwide. Feel free to give them your scientific informations about this.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dwarf_planet

That doesn't tell me why dwarf planets aren't planets despite being called planets, just that they aren't, which doesn't help

It is explained in the very first paragraph, assuming you read the article.

It absolutely isn't. Assuming you didn't read the article, the first paragraph explains the distinction between dwarf planets and planets. Assuming you didn't read any of my comments, that isn't what I asked; what I asked is why dwarf planets are called planets if they aren't planets. The distinction isn't subtle, but I've asked the question three different ways now to make it easier. Here's a simple analogy. Take camels, for instance. You can have bactrian camels, which are camels, and dromedary camels, which are camels. What you don't have is a "dwarf camel" which is actually just a species of goat and not a camel at all. That taxonomy would be stupid. So why are non-planet planetoids CALLED planets when that's clearly only going to confuse matters?