Childless Couple Get Accused Of ‘Ruining’ A Family Vacation By Not Going, Find Out They Were Expected To Babysit
There is only so much vacation time you get in a year. It’s reasonable to want to spend it in the way that best suits your needs, whether it’s a week in the mountains or on the couch. However, in certain situations, especially when there’s family involved, you might have to adjust and meet in the middle. For instance, while trying to decide upon a destination.
A family vacation can be an enjoyable endeavor. But what if you don’t feel like it? As fun as spending time with your loved ones might be, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the activities they have in mind are as well.
A woman on Reddit shared her views on a similar situation with the r/AITA community. The user u/dionneandcher told fellow redditors about the trip her in-laws were planning, which was not her kind of thing whatsoever. Together with her husband, they usually spend their free time in the calm setting of the great outdoors, while the relatives wanted a Disney trip. No wonder it didn’t sound appealing. Things went even further downhill when the couple was accused of not liking the kids in the family and not caring for other members overall.
Image credits: RODNAE Productions (not the actual photo)
A redditor opened up about the not-so-appealing family vacation plan and the members’ reaction to her refusing to participate
Image credits: Craig Adderley (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Teona Swift (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/dionneandcher
It’s not an easy task to plan the days off you worked so hard for. It becomes even more troublesome when there are a lot of people involved. In the case of u/dionneandcher, her views of a perfect vacation were way different from the ones of her in-laws. That is why she chose not to spend her money and free time on something she does not find appealing.
Paid time off (PTO) is one of the cornerstones of a healthy work-life balance. The well-deserved break is something people look forward to and plan in advance to get the most out of it. A survey carried out by AARP shows that vacation time results in not only a fun time but other benefits as well. These include better sleep, more energy, an increase in productivity, and better mental and overall health.
The number of paid days off varies depending on the company and the number of years a person has worked there. According to Zippia, a person in the US gets an average of 10 days of PTO per annum after working for the company for a year. The number of days rises to 15 after spending five years with the company, and after two decades, you are eligible to enjoy 20 days per year of paid leave. Some companies might cover bank holidays as well; however, that is not mandatory. Therefore, it’s completely understandable to use this time to do something dear to your heart.
In her Reddit post, the OP clearly states that spending time in a crowded theme park is not their cup of tea, to put it mildly. She and her husband are usually more drawn to the peace and quiet of nature rather than popular attractions bustling with people. Statista reveals that in 2021, the Walt Disney World Magic Kingdom in Florida was visited by nearly 12.7 million people.
As fun as it sounds to kids, adults might not find the kingdom to be so magical. Especially those without children. Despite not having offspring of their own, the OP and her husband were expected to join the trip, which implied looking after their nieces and nephews. After a polite refusal, the couple was denounced for not caring for them, which was not the case.
It is common for relatives to become involved in the childcare of their family members. Often referred to as family, friend, and neighbor child care, such cooperation can give parents a much-needed break. Research states that this is the most prevailing form of non-parental child care. As much as 33-59% of kids up to school age with employed parents are raised with the help of FFN caregivers.
However, it is only a legitimate option if the family member, friend, or neighbor signed up for it. In the case of the redditor and her husband, it was implied that the brother-in-law expected them to spend some time looking after his kids. The couple did not meet the expectations, which became the cause of an argument, and made the OP wonder—”am I the jerk here?”
Redditors engaged in a conversation with questions and suggestions for the OP
People in the thread had a lot to discuss and shared their views on similar situations
Some redditors suggested that everyone played an equal part in the unpleasant situation
The OP provided an update for the redditors to gain a better understanding of the situation
This may lead me to panda jail lol, but, your kids, your problem, you made them, you deal with them, i take every precaution not to have kids, i don't do well with kids.
⛓⛓🐼⛓⛓ 😄 Hey I spent a full ten minutes on this panda prison!!!
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It's telling that OP states how they regularly go to their family to see them, but family doesn't do it the other way round. And that's what happened with this vacation too, family was used to getting their way and OP accomodating them and reacted really badly when told no. I have the same situation. My family blames me for 'distancing' myself. But in reality all I did is just living my life and stop constantly hunting after them when I realized that they barely send me a text on my birthday but made absolutely no effort to keep more contact than that. I was never truly included because I dared to have different interests and they didn't bother to even try to connect to me , while I constantly tried to be part of what they do. Now that my parents are dead, I highly doubt I'll ever see my siblings again. But it's not my fault. And I won't grovel back
I think a lot of families fall into a pattern of well we all live close together so you furtherbout people just come to us because that's easier. And it is not ok.
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I cannot understand how someone can say that they are the A too. Other people made plan for them, and when they try to refuse, they literally tried to guilt them to go (both MIL and BIL), yet idiots in the coments are like “you didn’t answer correctly to someone trying to force you to do something “
I think it was just the way they said it, if they didn't say it was work to see family everyone would have said NTA I think
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I'm with Sonja, The first post. I spent my young adulthood in the same manner. Relatives rarely contacted me but when we got together would say that I was antisocial. I realize that's what people say to make themselves feel better cuz they know how bad they're treating others
My family said I talked too much. I guess they wanted to sit in silence but it made me uncomfortable. Now I just avoid contact.
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there is an expression in Dutch, "Fish and visitors only keep fresh for two days" and I completely agree. so hard NTA, visiting for a few days is fine but a whole week with the family and small children sounds like hell on earth to me
We say fish and houseguests STINK after two days 😄
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When your kids are kids, yes, they go on the family vacation. When they are adults, you don’t get to make them do anything. My kids are almost 24, 21 and 18. If hubby and I were planning a vacation, we’d ask if they’d like to come, but they have their own lives to live.
My dad's third wife's married daughter and husband would go because dad was unknowingly paying for it. Wife put it on his card. None of his kids got invited.
Load More Replies... These two put in all the effort to maintain family relationships and no one puts any effort towards them. I know this story all too well. I live in New England, but grew up out west. No one ever visits me yet they expect me to make trips out to see them. I finally stopped and when I got attitude, I reminded them that planes fly both ways and I was done spending my time off and my money visiting people who make no effort towards me. I don't really talk to them anymore and I have a wonderful husband and chosen family on the Maine coast.
NTA ... Ugghhhh ... I would never go back to Disney. Especially not with family. It's exhausting for everyone and it's hot most months of the year. Stand your ground.
Totally agree. I've traveled to many countries, I've been on an aircraft carrier for 6 months, I've been to numerous amusement parks, and I've even been in jail overnight. You want to know the one place I've been to many times and always see the most miserable looking people? Disney.
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We have 1 kid and my siblings who all have 3-4 kids say to us, how come you can go on so many holidays & how come you can afford this & that & you have a great peaceful life with no stress.. YES because we stopped at 1 kid so we could do these things, not my fault you all wanted 3-4 kids 🤦♀️
NTA, I always hate it how parents so often think that they still have control over their kids when they now have their own lives, they are free to make their own decisions. and also Disney is expensive. and assuming that the brother, his kids and possibly a partner are going, the MIL and possibly FIL are going as well. The OP and husband makes like 6-8 people going on this trip, thats thousands of dollars just for tickets, and then theirs those genie pass thingies and food and hotel, and if they dont want to go and spend their money in a place where they dont want to go where they wont have fun and be stuck watching over little kids, like hell they shouldn't have too pay.
Yeah, forcing someone to go on an expensive vacation they don't have any interest in going on sounds like a brilliant idea. /s
Op is not an AH but MIL and BIL are. It was fine to plan a vacation and ask them to come along but not OK when they expected them to go even if they didn't want to. Op and husband visit them often and that is enough. About the comments about how the OP answered the MIL, I can't speak for everyone else but I often don't answer as correctly as I would like to when I don't have time to think about it. That's why I preffer texts over phone calls.
I just love how parents expect people who chose to not have children to feel like it’s some sort of privilege to provide free childcare. Okay. Have it your way. But don’t be mad when your kids come back from the childfree auntie’s house having learned 6 new cusswords and stinking of cigarette smoke 🤷
I was part of a child-free couple for a little over a decade. The other siblings-in-law were parents. EVERY family gathering was at their behest, in their places, and at their leisure. We were, since childless, afterthoughts. We used to have bi-weekly barbecues at our place, with 20-40 guests, some were restaurateurs, chefs, bar-keepers, tapsters, you name it. That was our peer group. They were epic. After years of this, my ex-BIL and his date (he was separated from his wife, my ex-SIL) accepted the invitation - first time - and was blown away at the food, entertainment, etc. He sullenly asked why we'd never invited him before, and I replied that they didn't seem interested in anything we were doing. (Hint, he only showed up because he wasn't welcome around the Main Family with his GF while still married to SIL.) Breeders can be super selfish.
My extended family does a big vacation every 2yrs. I set a very firm boundary the first year, I will not share a suite with my brother and his 7 children. Mom tried to put my family of 4 in a 2 bedroom suite with my brothers brood, told her we wouldn't be going. Over the years I've managed to make my unit the adult chill zone and the family is grateful for it. Adults should enjoy their vacation too.
I don't quite get how OP not going makes the trip more expensive for everyone else. Does that mean they were also expected to share a hotel room with others? Even then, the hotel is only a small part of the cost when going to Disney. OP going won't lower park ticket costs, food costs or travel costs.
It will if BIL handles the finances. We'll just third the bill.
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I like this thread, cos there's perhaps unspoken stuff on both sides. For the in-laws kids it might make the best memories to have uncle and aunt there, the whole clan. That's important. If they've never had a proper full family holiday, that's sad. Especially since they all get on. But from the OPs side it doesn't sound like their holiday wishes have even been considered when planning this. Then it just blows out into a bunch of self interest from the in-laws side. Sad...
OP said they go to visit family every 3 months or so and also on holidays, tho family never comes and visits them. so, i think the kids have more than enough "proper full family holidays."
Load More Replies... If the choice is nature or Disney I’d choose nature every time. And OP is right! Family friendly equals child friendly
If the choices are the town 20 minutes away or Disney, I still wouldn't choose Disney tbh, especially not in Summer.
Load More Replies... I understand both sides, but I have to settle on NTA for the OP. People, especially family, get much too comfortable bullying others. They think because they carry certain titles, or "if you love them", they can do whatever they want and it's supposed to be accepted without question. This makes for horrible relationships. even more so than a rough delivery. Besides, you can't be polite to bullies. They don't understand when you're nice. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's realized this. However, the kind thing, to everyone involved, is to be honest, which is what the OP did. People have become so accustomed to being lied to and accommodated that they'd prefer a lie/ sugarcoating s#!t to truth and honesty. Not to mention the aforementioned family's selfish motives. Who does that? Today's society really has implemented some twisted ideas in regard to human relationships, and it shows everywhere.
It's funny that the family can plan a vacation without feedback from the OP and then get offended. What if the OP had planned a vacation to a large cabin in the woods without discussing it with the family? Most of the adults would probably complain and handle it worse than the OP handled this
You are perfectly within your rights to choose not to go to Disneyland.... personally you couldn't pay me to go - too expensive, too noisy, too grubby. Anyway that's besides the point. If your expected to pay for the hoilday then you have the expectation to be chose not to go. As for helping with the kids, it's your choice to help. If they need al break they can pay for help - that includes you - if they want you to babysit suggest that.
The fact that the family is pressing the issue so hard is definitely a red flag here. If they didn't want to spend time with their kids on vacation, they probably shouldn't have had kids. It's not "Auntie and uncle's" job to watch the kids while the parents go do whatever they want. That's not how vacation works.
I get 31 days leave a year and still wouldn't waste a week of it on that holiday. I did go to Disneyland Paris for 3 nights, 20 years ago when my boys were 8 and 4 . It was alright but I wouldn't go back.
You don’t have to hang on Bored Panda. It’s voluntary.
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I've seen too many of these type of stories about people being used as free sitters because they are family...I am the last one my family will ask and I will share my secrets...1. Teaching a kid a curse word or two never hurts, also make sure child uses said curse word when parents return and when they look at you in shock makes sure you are adorning your proudest aww face, 2. Make the children your personal bartender (my favorite), teach the children your favorite cocktails so they can serve you while you relax and watch tv. Makes sure child demonstrates new said skills (which will be useful eventually in life) when parents return and make sure you are adorning your proudest aww face when child presents their parents with perfectly mixed tequila sunrises complete with garnish. 3. Demand payment or steps 1 & 2 will be applied (honestly still might be). If I'm giving up my only day off to watch your minions you are paying me my salary broken up into an hourly rate...SUCCESS!
There's only one family member that will still use my services but her kids are cool AF and she appreciates the mixology classes
Load More Replies... On the flip side. My kids are grown but no grandchildren yet. I told my younger brother and his wife I would LOVE to go to Disneyland with them and their boys. I'd get my own room but be around for and with them. They thought a family vacation would be better. When they got back they said they wished I had been there.
Do people not realize how little vacation people in the U.S. get? Ten days is considered (by employers) to be generous enough, and god forbid you should want to schedule it when someone else wants that time slot. Wasting even a few hours by being free babysitters is an insult and equivalent to THEFT in my book. And I can guarantee you that BIL is fully expecting this couple to foot the bill for "entertaining" the kids while they get in as much alone time as they can. Betcha that guy is insanely jealous of their lifestyle and rational choices. His bed is made, time to lie in it.
I get the "they should come see us instead of us always going to visit them" deal. As a divorced, childless woman, that's my life not only with some of my family, but also with my friends. Since I teach, I do often take advantage of the time I get around the holidays and in the summers to see people. It is aggravating that the majority of people I do see never think of visiting me. But that "we don't do family vacations" stance -- meh. They need to suck it up and get over it, and realize they are being just as inflexible as the in-laws. Rejecting the idea of doing any kind of family vacation is not only arrogant, it's rude.
Honestly, I don’t blame them at all for saying that visiting the family is a lot of work. You don’t get to put in absolutely zero effort to visit someone, expect them to put in all the effort themselves, then act all offended when you suggest something that requires even more effort and they say that it’s too much work
I personally am of the belief if you have kids its your job to look after then if family volunteers to help out great but don't force them and as for family guilt tripping them into trying to go they have said they visit constantly my baby daddy's family won't even visit us to see my daughter we have to drive the 10+ hours to see them and when we say we can't I get a paragraph of how im trying to cut them out of my daughter's life or when I offered a compromise it gets shot down immediately with why not just come up her why do you hate us so much its exhausting to the point I just blocked them after a single message of if you wanna see her come down here you know the address
The entire mention of 'Disney' would be enough to say 'over my dead body'. My parents took me when I was 10, we drove in a rental car with no AC and me wedged between older relatives in the back seat and I hated the entire trip. Disney sucks unless you're a 3 year old. The last thing * would ever Donis go back there, especially with someone else's brats, even if they were relatives. Eff that.
Definitely not the AH. You only get so much vacation time, and for them to tell you how to spend the time, not to mention the outrageous cost for a trip you don't want to do, is ridiculous. You have every right to refuse to go. I wouldn't even go for a few days, as someone suggested. It costs a few hundred per person, per day. Way too much money to appease people who want you around to help pay for their vacations and babysit to boot.
Omg they did. How? It's a basic chess piece. It's not a nasty word, at all.
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They made the kids, they need to understand that not everyone wants kids or to be around them all the time. I love my kids, but I genuinely dislike other people's most times because they're bratty and I refuse to babysit even for my brother because I can't deal with his gfs kids plus my own even if I were paid. This isn't a family vacation, this was a way for them to dump off their kids on the child-free couple in the family so that they could act child-free themselves even though they're not and have chosen to have the responsibility of being a parent. If that cancels their vacation for y'all not wanting to go be unpaid babysitters, that's their problem.
The YTA and ETH people must be showing off their entitled privilege. I'm sorry, but nobody dictates what I'm doing with my time and then throws a royal tantrum when I won't do it. She was polite, she explained why she declined, made clear she didn't hate anyone and where she stood That should had been enough. Period. People arguing otherwise are apparently used to forcing or guilting people into giving them their way, because obviously respect for boundaries and preferences isnt even entering your hot little heads
I find that using excuses of force majeure (unmissable work deadline, health issues etc.) is a gentler way to say no to family rather than "rational reasons". I would never babysit my nieces at a theme park for my holidays. However, I would avoid telling the harsh truth to my inlaws. From their perspective, they may think that you believe yourself too good for their company. Of course that is not the case, but why facilitate a misunderstanding?
I disagree with the statement about „family friendly“ meaning „kids friendly“. There are parks (not theme parks, more like resorts) where they have something like day care and lots of activities for kids to enjoy without their parents. But honestly, what good is a „Family vacation“ when the family is not going to enjoy their time together? I work and I do know the feeling of being happy when the kids are asleep, but I would still try to spend as much time with them as possible. Hopefully doing stuff we would normally not be able to do.
You are better off not going. You already spend time with the family several times a year plus holidays. Disney is over priced, over crowded, long lines and miserable. Reiterate this is not your thing and your loss since you choose not to go, repeat it. Add in the crowds many viruses will be shared. One possible thing to do is, when you know the exact dates they will be there. If you have the time and money and want to do it-surprise them by showing up the last 48 hours they are there. If this is a possibility, call the MIL and let her know that though you have no intention to pay to go in the park you'd love to meet with everyone for a picnic or dinner out. Is there a zoo close by? You stay at your own hotel choice. Be prepared that someone, BIL, will pout and not want to get together. I think you get the idea, join the family without joining on on their drama or chaos. Otherwise, enjoy your quiet time. When they get home enjoy the stories and pictures they want to share.
Inviting someone on a vacation to babysit is a great idea but it works like this…nephew/cousin/young friend of family gets invited to a free trip to (great place), all reasonable expenses paid, to help out with kids! Plenty of time to do his/her own thing, best if another friend/family member of similar age gets the same deal! It has worked great for me! (And invited means just that. “No thank you” is a perfectly acceptable response.)
As a non-native Floridian, I appreciate your feelings about FL. I happen to like Wally World and Epcot (even moreso) but the prices are nuts. As someone who likes camping, I'd suggest that you organize a camping trip for the family. A lot cheaper, better for the family, educational, no crowds, less chance of COVID, a chance of developing new skills, and healthier. NO down sides.
Same with destination weddings. I would enjoy sharing your special day but not putting that kind of money out unless it is for vacation location of our choosing and and during time we choose to take time off of work.
It's nuts how they think they can tell grown adults that they are going to go on vacation to a specific place and use their hard-earned cash and PTO. It's the lion, witch, and audacity of these b!ches. I guess maybe they were planning on trying to guilt this couple into paying for half of everything because I don't see how more people makes it cheaper otherwise. Or maybe it's let's all cram into 1-2 hotel rooms and see how much the state of Florida cares about enforcing the fire code.
My in-laws keep bugging my husband and I to visit them in Florida. I live in Canada, not like we can just hop in the car and go home. There is NO WAY IN HELL i can handle them for a week, just no. They drive me nuts with all their Trump c**p non stop, very small doses only with others around so I can create a diversion.
Definitely NTA! If they want to have fun without the kids, they can p**n them off on the other adults with kids, including the MIL. Or, each other, mom takes them for a while then dad takes them for a while. How are you supposed to enjoy your "vacation" if you're watching their kids? If they want to have time without their kids, they can hire somebody to come along (and pay their room, board, and travel for them) and watch the kids while they go and play. Since they'd be working, they would have no expectations of riding any rides other than with the kids. Suggest that to your family for this and any future travels. Looking back, you'll probably see that you've been the babysitter before but you simply didn't realize it.
Ugh some people just can’t family sometimes. One “we see them every 3 or so months” when it sounds like they’re pretty close by (obviously driving distance) is like a big no for me. Like I get it, I was never close to any of my aunts and uncles, but they lived upwards to 14 hours away! States away is a whole lot different. And I get it, people have complex situations, but idk, a lot changes in 3+ months for people with kids. That being said, as someone who went on a BAD family vacation for a week, the main thing is that I didn’t have boundaries. If my finances were better, I would have met up with the family more but had my own hotel room and car. That way I wasn’t bound to their schedule. Idk “family vacations” are never perfect. The point of them is that you want to hang out with the family more. You do things together, and then it’s a vacation for you too. The ultimate solution to not wanting to go to Disney??? GO TO A GREAT WOLF LODGE. Things for kids and things for adults!
This may lead me to panda jail lol, but, your kids, your problem, you made them, you deal with them, i take every precaution not to have kids, i don't do well with kids.
⛓⛓🐼⛓⛓ 😄 Hey I spent a full ten minutes on this panda prison!!!
Load More Replies... It's telling that OP states how they regularly go to their family to see them, but family doesn't do it the other way round. And that's what happened with this vacation too, family was used to getting their way and OP accomodating them and reacted really badly when told no. I have the same situation. My family blames me for 'distancing' myself. But in reality all I did is just living my life and stop constantly hunting after them when I realized that they barely send me a text on my birthday but made absolutely no effort to keep more contact than that. I was never truly included because I dared to have different interests and they didn't bother to even try to connect to me , while I constantly tried to be part of what they do. Now that my parents are dead, I highly doubt I'll ever see my siblings again. But it's not my fault. And I won't grovel back
I think a lot of families fall into a pattern of well we all live close together so you furtherbout people just come to us because that's easier. And it is not ok.
Load More Replies... I cannot understand how someone can say that they are the A too. Other people made plan for them, and when they try to refuse, they literally tried to guilt them to go (both MIL and BIL), yet idiots in the coments are like “you didn’t answer correctly to someone trying to force you to do something “
I think it was just the way they said it, if they didn't say it was work to see family everyone would have said NTA I think
Load More Replies... I'm with Sonja, The first post. I spent my young adulthood in the same manner. Relatives rarely contacted me but when we got together would say that I was antisocial. I realize that's what people say to make themselves feel better cuz they know how bad they're treating others
My family said I talked too much. I guess they wanted to sit in silence but it made me uncomfortable. Now I just avoid contact.
Load More Replies... there is an expression in Dutch, "Fish and visitors only keep fresh for two days" and I completely agree. so hard NTA, visiting for a few days is fine but a whole week with the family and small children sounds like hell on earth to me
We say fish and houseguests STINK after two days 😄
Load More Replies... When your kids are kids, yes, they go on the family vacation. When they are adults, you don’t get to make them do anything. My kids are almost 24, 21 and 18. If hubby and I were planning a vacation, we’d ask if they’d like to come, but they have their own lives to live.
My dad's third wife's married daughter and husband would go because dad was unknowingly paying for it. Wife put it on his card. None of his kids got invited.
Load More Replies... These two put in all the effort to maintain family relationships and no one puts any effort towards them. I know this story all too well. I live in New England, but grew up out west. No one ever visits me yet they expect me to make trips out to see them. I finally stopped and when I got attitude, I reminded them that planes fly both ways and I was done spending my time off and my money visiting people who make no effort towards me. I don't really talk to them anymore and I have a wonderful husband and chosen family on the Maine coast.
NTA ... Ugghhhh ... I would never go back to Disney. Especially not with family. It's exhausting for everyone and it's hot most months of the year. Stand your ground.
Totally agree. I've traveled to many countries, I've been on an aircraft carrier for 6 months, I've been to numerous amusement parks, and I've even been in jail overnight. You want to know the one place I've been to many times and always see the most miserable looking people? Disney.
Load More Replies... We have 1 kid and my siblings who all have 3-4 kids say to us, how come you can go on so many holidays & how come you can afford this & that & you have a great peaceful life with no stress.. YES because we stopped at 1 kid so we could do these things, not my fault you all wanted 3-4 kids 🤦♀️
NTA, I always hate it how parents so often think that they still have control over their kids when they now have their own lives, they are free to make their own decisions. and also Disney is expensive. and assuming that the brother, his kids and possibly a partner are going, the MIL and possibly FIL are going as well. The OP and husband makes like 6-8 people going on this trip, thats thousands of dollars just for tickets, and then theirs those genie pass thingies and food and hotel, and if they dont want to go and spend their money in a place where they dont want to go where they wont have fun and be stuck watching over little kids, like hell they shouldn't have too pay.
Yeah, forcing someone to go on an expensive vacation they don't have any interest in going on sounds like a brilliant idea. /s
Op is not an AH but MIL and BIL are. It was fine to plan a vacation and ask them to come along but not OK when they expected them to go even if they didn't want to. Op and husband visit them often and that is enough. About the comments about how the OP answered the MIL, I can't speak for everyone else but I often don't answer as correctly as I would like to when I don't have time to think about it. That's why I preffer texts over phone calls.
I just love how parents expect people who chose to not have children to feel like it’s some sort of privilege to provide free childcare. Okay. Have it your way. But don’t be mad when your kids come back from the childfree auntie’s house having learned 6 new cusswords and stinking of cigarette smoke 🤷
I was part of a child-free couple for a little over a decade. The other siblings-in-law were parents. EVERY family gathering was at their behest, in their places, and at their leisure. We were, since childless, afterthoughts. We used to have bi-weekly barbecues at our place, with 20-40 guests, some were restaurateurs, chefs, bar-keepers, tapsters, you name it. That was our peer group. They were epic. After years of this, my ex-BIL and his date (he was separated from his wife, my ex-SIL) accepted the invitation - first time - and was blown away at the food, entertainment, etc. He sullenly asked why we'd never invited him before, and I replied that they didn't seem interested in anything we were doing. (Hint, he only showed up because he wasn't welcome around the Main Family with his GF while still married to SIL.) Breeders can be super selfish.
My extended family does a big vacation every 2yrs. I set a very firm boundary the first year, I will not share a suite with my brother and his 7 children. Mom tried to put my family of 4 in a 2 bedroom suite with my brothers brood, told her we wouldn't be going. Over the years I've managed to make my unit the adult chill zone and the family is grateful for it. Adults should enjoy their vacation too.
I don't quite get how OP not going makes the trip more expensive for everyone else. Does that mean they were also expected to share a hotel room with others? Even then, the hotel is only a small part of the cost when going to Disney. OP going won't lower park ticket costs, food costs or travel costs.
It will if BIL handles the finances. We'll just third the bill.
Load More Replies... I like this thread, cos there's perhaps unspoken stuff on both sides. For the in-laws kids it might make the best memories to have uncle and aunt there, the whole clan. That's important. If they've never had a proper full family holiday, that's sad. Especially since they all get on. But from the OPs side it doesn't sound like their holiday wishes have even been considered when planning this. Then it just blows out into a bunch of self interest from the in-laws side. Sad...
OP said they go to visit family every 3 months or so and also on holidays, tho family never comes and visits them. so, i think the kids have more than enough "proper full family holidays."
Load More Replies... If the choice is nature or Disney I’d choose nature every time. And OP is right! Family friendly equals child friendly
If the choices are the town 20 minutes away or Disney, I still wouldn't choose Disney tbh, especially not in Summer.
Load More Replies... I understand both sides, but I have to settle on NTA for the OP. People, especially family, get much too comfortable bullying others. They think because they carry certain titles, or "if you love them", they can do whatever they want and it's supposed to be accepted without question. This makes for horrible relationships. even more so than a rough delivery. Besides, you can't be polite to bullies. They don't understand when you're nice. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's realized this. However, the kind thing, to everyone involved, is to be honest, which is what the OP did. People have become so accustomed to being lied to and accommodated that they'd prefer a lie/ sugarcoating s#!t to truth and honesty. Not to mention the aforementioned family's selfish motives. Who does that? Today's society really has implemented some twisted ideas in regard to human relationships, and it shows everywhere.
It's funny that the family can plan a vacation without feedback from the OP and then get offended. What if the OP had planned a vacation to a large cabin in the woods without discussing it with the family? Most of the adults would probably complain and handle it worse than the OP handled this
You are perfectly within your rights to choose not to go to Disneyland.... personally you couldn't pay me to go - too expensive, too noisy, too grubby. Anyway that's besides the point. If your expected to pay for the hoilday then you have the expectation to be chose not to go. As for helping with the kids, it's your choice to help. If they need al break they can pay for help - that includes you - if they want you to babysit suggest that.
The fact that the family is pressing the issue so hard is definitely a red flag here. If they didn't want to spend time with their kids on vacation, they probably shouldn't have had kids. It's not "Auntie and uncle's" job to watch the kids while the parents go do whatever they want. That's not how vacation works.
I get 31 days leave a year and still wouldn't waste a week of it on that holiday. I did go to Disneyland Paris for 3 nights, 20 years ago when my boys were 8 and 4 . It was alright but I wouldn't go back.
You don’t have to hang on Bored Panda. It’s voluntary.
Load More Replies... I've seen too many of these type of stories about people being used as free sitters because they are family...I am the last one my family will ask and I will share my secrets...1. Teaching a kid a curse word or two never hurts, also make sure child uses said curse word when parents return and when they look at you in shock makes sure you are adorning your proudest aww face, 2. Make the children your personal bartender (my favorite), teach the children your favorite cocktails so they can serve you while you relax and watch tv. Makes sure child demonstrates new said skills (which will be useful eventually in life) when parents return and make sure you are adorning your proudest aww face when child presents their parents with perfectly mixed tequila sunrises complete with garnish. 3. Demand payment or steps 1 & 2 will be applied (honestly still might be). If I'm giving up my only day off to watch your minions you are paying me my salary broken up into an hourly rate...SUCCESS!
There's only one family member that will still use my services but her kids are cool AF and she appreciates the mixology classes
Load More Replies... On the flip side. My kids are grown but no grandchildren yet. I told my younger brother and his wife I would LOVE to go to Disneyland with them and their boys. I'd get my own room but be around for and with them. They thought a family vacation would be better. When they got back they said they wished I had been there.
Do people not realize how little vacation people in the U.S. get? Ten days is considered (by employers) to be generous enough, and god forbid you should want to schedule it when someone else wants that time slot. Wasting even a few hours by being free babysitters is an insult and equivalent to THEFT in my book. And I can guarantee you that BIL is fully expecting this couple to foot the bill for "entertaining" the kids while they get in as much alone time as they can. Betcha that guy is insanely jealous of their lifestyle and rational choices. His bed is made, time to lie in it.
I get the "they should come see us instead of us always going to visit them" deal. As a divorced, childless woman, that's my life not only with some of my family, but also with my friends. Since I teach, I do often take advantage of the time I get around the holidays and in the summers to see people. It is aggravating that the majority of people I do see never think of visiting me. But that "we don't do family vacations" stance -- meh. They need to suck it up and get over it, and realize they are being just as inflexible as the in-laws. Rejecting the idea of doing any kind of family vacation is not only arrogant, it's rude.
Honestly, I don’t blame them at all for saying that visiting the family is a lot of work. You don’t get to put in absolutely zero effort to visit someone, expect them to put in all the effort themselves, then act all offended when you suggest something that requires even more effort and they say that it’s too much work
I personally am of the belief if you have kids its your job to look after then if family volunteers to help out great but don't force them and as for family guilt tripping them into trying to go they have said they visit constantly my baby daddy's family won't even visit us to see my daughter we have to drive the 10+ hours to see them and when we say we can't I get a paragraph of how im trying to cut them out of my daughter's life or when I offered a compromise it gets shot down immediately with why not just come up her why do you hate us so much its exhausting to the point I just blocked them after a single message of if you wanna see her come down here you know the address
The entire mention of 'Disney' would be enough to say 'over my dead body'. My parents took me when I was 10, we drove in a rental car with no AC and me wedged between older relatives in the back seat and I hated the entire trip. Disney sucks unless you're a 3 year old. The last thing * would ever Donis go back there, especially with someone else's brats, even if they were relatives. Eff that.
Definitely not the AH. You only get so much vacation time, and for them to tell you how to spend the time, not to mention the outrageous cost for a trip you don't want to do, is ridiculous. You have every right to refuse to go. I wouldn't even go for a few days, as someone suggested. It costs a few hundred per person, per day. Way too much money to appease people who want you around to help pay for their vacations and babysit to boot.
Omg they did. How? It's a basic chess piece. It's not a nasty word, at all.
Load More Replies... They made the kids, they need to understand that not everyone wants kids or to be around them all the time. I love my kids, but I genuinely dislike other people's most times because they're bratty and I refuse to babysit even for my brother because I can't deal with his gfs kids plus my own even if I were paid. This isn't a family vacation, this was a way for them to dump off their kids on the child-free couple in the family so that they could act child-free themselves even though they're not and have chosen to have the responsibility of being a parent. If that cancels their vacation for y'all not wanting to go be unpaid babysitters, that's their problem.
The YTA and ETH people must be showing off their entitled privilege. I'm sorry, but nobody dictates what I'm doing with my time and then throws a royal tantrum when I won't do it. She was polite, she explained why she declined, made clear she didn't hate anyone and where she stood That should had been enough. Period. People arguing otherwise are apparently used to forcing or guilting people into giving them their way, because obviously respect for boundaries and preferences isnt even entering your hot little heads
I find that using excuses of force majeure (unmissable work deadline, health issues etc.) is a gentler way to say no to family rather than "rational reasons". I would never babysit my nieces at a theme park for my holidays. However, I would avoid telling the harsh truth to my inlaws. From their perspective, they may think that you believe yourself too good for their company. Of course that is not the case, but why facilitate a misunderstanding?
I disagree with the statement about „family friendly“ meaning „kids friendly“. There are parks (not theme parks, more like resorts) where they have something like day care and lots of activities for kids to enjoy without their parents. But honestly, what good is a „Family vacation“ when the family is not going to enjoy their time together? I work and I do know the feeling of being happy when the kids are asleep, but I would still try to spend as much time with them as possible. Hopefully doing stuff we would normally not be able to do.
You are better off not going. You already spend time with the family several times a year plus holidays. Disney is over priced, over crowded, long lines and miserable. Reiterate this is not your thing and your loss since you choose not to go, repeat it. Add in the crowds many viruses will be shared. One possible thing to do is, when you know the exact dates they will be there. If you have the time and money and want to do it-surprise them by showing up the last 48 hours they are there. If this is a possibility, call the MIL and let her know that though you have no intention to pay to go in the park you'd love to meet with everyone for a picnic or dinner out. Is there a zoo close by? You stay at your own hotel choice. Be prepared that someone, BIL, will pout and not want to get together. I think you get the idea, join the family without joining on on their drama or chaos. Otherwise, enjoy your quiet time. When they get home enjoy the stories and pictures they want to share.
Inviting someone on a vacation to babysit is a great idea but it works like this…nephew/cousin/young friend of family gets invited to a free trip to (great place), all reasonable expenses paid, to help out with kids! Plenty of time to do his/her own thing, best if another friend/family member of similar age gets the same deal! It has worked great for me! (And invited means just that. “No thank you” is a perfectly acceptable response.)
As a non-native Floridian, I appreciate your feelings about FL. I happen to like Wally World and Epcot (even moreso) but the prices are nuts. As someone who likes camping, I'd suggest that you organize a camping trip for the family. A lot cheaper, better for the family, educational, no crowds, less chance of COVID, a chance of developing new skills, and healthier. NO down sides.
Same with destination weddings. I would enjoy sharing your special day but not putting that kind of money out unless it is for vacation location of our choosing and and during time we choose to take time off of work.
It's nuts how they think they can tell grown adults that they are going to go on vacation to a specific place and use their hard-earned cash and PTO. It's the lion, witch, and audacity of these b!ches. I guess maybe they were planning on trying to guilt this couple into paying for half of everything because I don't see how more people makes it cheaper otherwise. Or maybe it's let's all cram into 1-2 hotel rooms and see how much the state of Florida cares about enforcing the fire code.
My in-laws keep bugging my husband and I to visit them in Florida. I live in Canada, not like we can just hop in the car and go home. There is NO WAY IN HELL i can handle them for a week, just no. They drive me nuts with all their Trump c**p non stop, very small doses only with others around so I can create a diversion.
Definitely NTA! If they want to have fun without the kids, they can p**n them off on the other adults with kids, including the MIL. Or, each other, mom takes them for a while then dad takes them for a while. How are you supposed to enjoy your "vacation" if you're watching their kids? If they want to have time without their kids, they can hire somebody to come along (and pay their room, board, and travel for them) and watch the kids while they go and play. Since they'd be working, they would have no expectations of riding any rides other than with the kids. Suggest that to your family for this and any future travels. Looking back, you'll probably see that you've been the babysitter before but you simply didn't realize it.
Ugh some people just can’t family sometimes. One “we see them every 3 or so months” when it sounds like they’re pretty close by (obviously driving distance) is like a big no for me. Like I get it, I was never close to any of my aunts and uncles, but they lived upwards to 14 hours away! States away is a whole lot different. And I get it, people have complex situations, but idk, a lot changes in 3+ months for people with kids. That being said, as someone who went on a BAD family vacation for a week, the main thing is that I didn’t have boundaries. If my finances were better, I would have met up with the family more but had my own hotel room and car. That way I wasn’t bound to their schedule. Idk “family vacations” are never perfect. The point of them is that you want to hang out with the family more. You do things together, and then it’s a vacation for you too. The ultimate solution to not wanting to go to Disney??? GO TO A GREAT WOLF LODGE. Things for kids and things for adults!
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