“I’ve Been Asking My Male Friends To Do Something – Watch If The First Response To Everything A Woman Tells You Is To Refute, Say No, Or Something Negative”
It’s easy to think that we as a species are living in prosperous times. The degree to which progress (of any caliber) happens and the level of convenience that we have created for ourselves is evidence of that.
However, the struggle is never over. Mostly because there is still a lot of wrong in the world on many levels. Among them, the social and cultural ones.
A woman recently went on Twitter to point out an interesting observation she had. Namely, she noticed how many a man (as in male) is quick to say no whenever a woman is talking, and how it’s anything but healthy.
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The world has come a long way to be where it is now, but it has an equally long way when it comes to equal rights, and one Twitter user is here to explain why
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An electrical engineer, who introduced herself online as Toph Cassandra Beifong, not too long ago went on Twitter to share an observation she had.
Toph has AuDHD, Autism and ADHD mashed together. Besides all of the self-explanatory things these two factors entail, folks with this diagnosis have a different way of thinking. In Toph’s own words, her “autistic brain has to learn by observation” as she does not pick up on social cues the way folks outside the spectrum do. She learns them by observing patterns.
One of the patterns she noticed, however, is how men resist ideas (or anything, really) proposed by women without really considering them, with no basis. This is a constant struggle for women, having to prepare a defense for everything they might propose and experiencing unnecessary anxiety along the way. Needless to say that in the long run, it ain’t good for your mental health.
Toph Cassandra Beifong shared an observation she had whereby she noticed how men’s initial knee-jerk reaction to anything a woman says is “no”
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The constant struggle of having to “prepare a defense for everything” is not only tiring but not good for one’s mental health, and Toph explains that women go through this on the daily
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Toph shared an example of this from discussions with married women who deal with men flat-out resisting their ideas. When one of them was out shopping, she wanted to try out this black toothpaste. The husband was against it. The woman bought it anyway. The man ended up liking it. Sooner or later, they just stop arguing because they don’t want yet another toothpaste debate.
Another argument that had some “resounding no’s” being thrown at this one man’s sister over something insignificant quickly led to the sister asking “what exactly are you resisting?” That’s when the man remembered what Toph told him—to watch for these moments of automatic no’s.
Image credits: W_Asherah
Image credits: W_Asherah
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Image credits: W_Asherah
“It’s socialized resistance to women speaking—and every man I know does it either subconsciously or consciously,” elaborated Toph. In yet another case, she also explained how the wife calls the husband’s best friend to make certain decisions, as the “nope” thing is now getting way out of hand.
Toph concluded that this thread is not for debate—it shouldn’t even be a question at this point. Women experience this kind of resistance every day, and it’s anything but good.
And folks on Twitter couldn’t agree more. Besides relaying this from their own experiences, people also shared similar situations that share the same vibe. Namely, it’s times when women tend to be much more interrupted in conversations and debates, and even situations when men re-word the same ideas women just said and they get a more enthusiastic response than the women did.
Twitter was all in on this idea, sharing stories, pointing out similar situations, and even providing solutions on how to deal with it
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Some suggested avoiding debates and conversations with men altogether, if possible, and yet others suggested rephrasing statements into questions, and instead of claiming or stating a fact or intention, suggest it as an inquiry. It’s said to work more effectively this way.
Whatever the case, Toph’s tweet went viral, garnering over 85,000 likes and 17,300 retweets. And, if anything, it speaks volumes on how much more progress humanity needs to make on a social and cultural level for things to truly be equal.
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According to the World Bank, even now, there only 6 countries that have absolute equal rights for men and women when it comes to the workplace. More so, almost 40% of all economies have sets of laws that constrain women’s decisions to join and remain in the labor force. And the highest (most equality) score that is out there belongs to the high income OECD countries, and even that is 97.8 out of a perfect 100. And that’s just economics. You get the point.
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You can check out the Twitter thread in context here. But before you leave us, leave some food for thought that is hopefully not in the form of a “no” in the comment section below!
A guy friend told me last week “feminism is the worst thing that has ever happened to women” and I was so shocked that I didn’t know what to say. Posts like this are helping me realize what I should have said :) I’m beating myself up hard over it
What he meant was "Feminism is the worst thing that has ever happened to women because now they know how to voice opinions and demand due respect so now us menfolk actually have to make an effort".
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What I find most frustrating is all the replies asking the lines of "if you phrase it as a question they will react better". So, if I cede all the social power to them it'll be better received. Yes. That's sort of the problem. I don't think I ever noticed this so explicitly before, but I tend to resist this sort of behavior when I think it's out of line, so it explains a few conversations I've had with people about my "attitude". One way I've resolved some of this, honestly, is that I stopped coloring my hair. I'm pretty short which caused a lot of people to assume I was young. Now with the gray at my temples showing I get a little less pushback. I haven't quite figured out what I think about that yet.
yes, agreed! having to walk on eggshells in a very particular way to avoid hurting a man's ego so he can consider something i say isn't exactly less work than just arguing it to begin with??
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A guy friend told me last week “feminism is the worst thing that has ever happened to women” and I was so shocked that I didn’t know what to say. Posts like this are helping me realize what I should have said :) I’m beating myself up hard over it
What he meant was "Feminism is the worst thing that has ever happened to women because now they know how to voice opinions and demand due respect so now us menfolk actually have to make an effort".
Load More Replies... What I find most frustrating is all the replies asking the lines of "if you phrase it as a question they will react better". So, if I cede all the social power to them it'll be better received. Yes. That's sort of the problem. I don't think I ever noticed this so explicitly before, but I tend to resist this sort of behavior when I think it's out of line, so it explains a few conversations I've had with people about my "attitude". One way I've resolved some of this, honestly, is that I stopped coloring my hair. I'm pretty short which caused a lot of people to assume I was young. Now with the gray at my temples showing I get a little less pushback. I haven't quite figured out what I think about that yet.
yes, agreed! having to walk on eggshells in a very particular way to avoid hurting a man's ego so he can consider something i say isn't exactly less work than just arguing it to begin with??
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