Older Male Tickles His 17 Y.O. Coworker, She Asks For Guidance Online
Harassment affects thousands of employees daily – however, not many have the guts to report it, and sadly, the author of today’s story also knows what it’s like being in this exact boat.
The thing is, u/DoggoandKitty_Lover recently started a new job at a grocery store where she happened to get tickled by an older male coworker when she was clocking out. The 17-year-old contemplated reporting the culprit, but she feared being perceived as a troublemaker – plus, her old folks assured her that the guy was just being “overly friendly.”
More info: Reddit
17-year-old starts a new job at a local grocery store and finds herself in an unpleasant situation
Image credits: Tim Evanson (not the actual photo)
One day, she gets tickled by an “overly friendly” older male colleague while clocking out
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Denise Krebs (not the actual photo)
Image source: DoggoandKitty_Lover
“WIBTA if I reported a co-worker for tickling my side?” – this internet user took to one of Reddit’s most judgmental communities, asking its members if she’d be a jerk for reporting her older male colleague for tickling her at work. The post managed to garner 2K upvotes as well as 436 comments discussing the situation.
It’s no big news that people suck – however, those who inflict mental, physical, or emotional suffering on others are holding a special seat on karma’s rollercoaster.
Discriminatory harassment, such as racial- and gender-related harassment; personal harassment, which includes inappropriate remarks and hurtful jokes; physical harassment, like threats of danger and actual bodily actions like kicking and shoving; sexual harassment; psychological harassment; cyberbullying – frankly, the list could go on and on.
It could happen at home, at school, or at work – pretty much anywhere. It doesn’t matter if it’s a large company or a small family-owned diner or even on your daily stroll in the park, the route of which you know by hand, people like that have no limits and, unfortunately, will do whatever they set their mind to regardless of the situation and the publicness of the setting.
Moreover, as mentioned earlier, harassment has many forms, which could also contribute to the fact that many contemplate reporting it. Some actions – like in today’s case, tickling – could be brushed off as something minor and not threatening per se; however, when it makes you feel uncomfortable, no matter how big or small you believe the issue to be, you should absolutely sweat the small stuff and do what you gotta do, even if you fear of being seen as a “troublemaker.”
To paint a better picture, did you know that according to WhatToBecome – a website that offers educational information and career advice – roughly 58% of women harassed at work don’t file a complaint? That’s a hell of a stat!
Perhaps the victims think that they should have done something to stop it, or they think that they won’t be believed; if it happened at work, they might think that the culture won’t support them (which happens more often than you probably think); people might fear retaliation, or they might not want to relive the problem – it’s important to note that the reasonings vary from person to person, yet the majority do carry an “it’s-my-fault” type of undertone.
Reporting harassment is vital, as it will not only ensure your safety but prevent future abuse!
She thinks about reporting him – however, she doesn’t want to be perceived as a “troublemaker”
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Now, while the original poster of today’s story eventually reached out to her HR manager and reported the issue (although she doesn’t think it will progress, may I note, as the person practically defended the culprit) – she did have to seek advice online prior to deciding.
The 17-year-old started a new position at her local grocery store. She mentioned that most people were friendly – however, there was this one character in particular, an older guy who had been there for years, that seemed more friendly than others.
One time, when she was clocking out and getting her things, he came up to her and tickled her side while she was bent over. The man didn’t grab anything, and it only lasted for a split second – however, I think we can all understand how it made the author feel, especially being an underage teen.
Naturally, it caught her by surprise, and she didn’t know how to approach the issue right then and there, so she first talked to her close ones. Despite the fact that her family believed the man was, again, being “overly friendly,” the youngster still contemplated reporting him since it made her feel uncomfortable, and she wanted a paper trail in case anything happened.
The 17-year-old then edited the post and added that she went to her HR manager, but as mentioned earlier, she said that she doubted that anything would happen, and since there were no further updates – we can only guess what ensued next.
The Reddit commenters collectively gave the OP an “NTA” verdict and encouraged her to address the problem with her superior. Many also noted that the culprit was testing the waters and was relying on the post’s creator’s age and/or her new work status to not call him out!
Anywho, branding the tickling as something innocent or “overly friendly” is none other than lunatic, as every person who has walked this earth knows that there’s no possible explanation as to why someone would want to touch a teenager, so kudos to the OP for finding the strength to report her coworker.
What do you think about this situation, though?
Fellow online community members shared their thoughts and opinions on this situation
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I had a classmate in 7th grade that kept doing this. He thought he was being funny. I flat-out told him to stop. Multiple times. An elbow to the gut didn't stop it, nor did a knee to the nuts. But being pulled into the principal's office for a talk with the school resource officer about sexual harassment, that did the trick. Men who do this aren't going to listen to any words from any woman, because they already don't have any respect for us. The only thing that works (and only some of the time) is to be told by an authority figure that consequences can happen to them, too. Report him and get pepper spray.
I have a classmate in 7th grade that touched me without permission until I punched him. Never touched me again.
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He absolutely needs to be reported! No one should be touching anyone else without their permission, and an adult should absolutely not be "tickling" a minor at work! This creep needs to be told by HR to keep his hand to himself!
Regardless the age you should not be tickling anyone at work!And not everyone is a creep. A 17yrs old is wise enough to speak up for herself but instead made it about his age instead of saying something. One of my coworkers was notorious for walking up to women in the office and placing his hand in the small of their backs. When it was brought to his attention he was offended because he didn't think he was doing anything inappropriate. Just keep your hands to yourself!
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From my experience, if you don't put him in his place or have someone else put him in his place it will continue and probably escalate to other things. Stand up for yourself! Unfortunately, you're going to have to defend yourself a lot more throughout life so take this opportunity to start practicing on how to do it.
Wanna bet that if a big (preferably gay) guy did the same thing to him, he would be freaking out? Also it's really depressing how women are brought up to tolearate this kind of behaviour. Her saying "he didn't touch my boob or anything" as a way to say she wasn't really sure if it counts as harrasement, is heartbreaking.
Doesn’t matter if he’s an “older” person or not. Unless you have been living under a rock, even the “older” generation know it’s not okay to touch anybody without permission
Years ago, I had an inappropriate co-worker. It was a part-time job at a pizza place. He said crude things, and tried to grab females' butts. I talked informally to a manager I trusted, he told me I had to make it clear the behavior wasn't wanted. So I talked to him, he didn't change. I then did file a complaint, he was merely transferred to another store. It bugged me even then, some things just aren't OK in a workplace. No one should have to be told that they aren't.
My co-worker was so blinded by his behaviors that he failed to realize how inappropriate it was for him to continuously use the phrase "That's what she said" in the workplace. Some people are just way too comfortable while at work or it's the only space they get attention so they do dumb sh*t.
Load More Replies... Report the creep. He knows full well he's out of line with his behavior, and he's testing the waters to see how deep they are. Keep a paper trail, noting all times, dates, and comments. But don't be surprised if HR doesn't do anything about this; long-time employees tend to get a little more slack cut. Just keep escalating it until someone listens and acts.
A quick "eeek!" as you stand up and simultaneously jab your elbow into him. You didn't mean anything by it, you were startled and that was your reaction! Believe me, it never happens again.
He invaded her personal space, it doesn't matter why. I've had a few guys who did similar, with no ill-intent. But they didn't do it again after I confronted them (usually with an immediate "that's not okay, you don't get to do that to me"). Most of the guys that I've had this conversation with have backed off, and apologized and we were friends or at least friendly after. I think sometimes guys don't recognize that women have personal space too, just cause you don't mean to be hurtful doesn't mean that it isn't. We shouldn't have to say anything to keep guys out of our bubble, but that's the world we live in. A definitive "that's not okay" is always an appropriate response to unwanted touch. No matter where that touch is.
Unwanted tickling is assault. It's a pretty minor one for what it is. To do so in a workplace is horribly inappropriate. And once they become comfortable doing that, they're more likely to do more inappropriate things. You definitely need to nip that in the bud. Ideally you'd warn him first in the moment. For good reasons, you didn't. So you owe it to yourself to speak with HR. You don't need to rock the boat. Just report it, be honest, have it noted and walk away. If there's no history, he's not likely getting more than a talk. If there is a history, well, that's on him. If HR doesn't take it seriously and it keeps happening, that just opens them up to serious liabilities. And if you get treated differently/poorly as a result of this, you should walk because that's not an environment worth your time and energy.
One of my old coworkers was a guy who was old enough to be my grandfather. He had this weird habit of coming up behind me to rub my shoulders. Shudder.
Omg, one of my coworkers was notorious for coming up behind women in the office and rubbing their shoulders. Some encouraged it and many others shuddered. But those who encouraged it is why he was so comfortable to continue with the inappropriate touching in the workplace. I hear many say go to HR but they wear blinders to depending on their relationship with the perpetrator and make comments like " oh that's just his personality, he doesn't mean anything by it" smh!!
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My mom thinks she's entitled to touch me however she wants because "I created you" and "people are going to touch you, it's a reality of life."
Your mom is wrong. You have this little thing called 'bodily autonomy'. It's up to you how you wish to be touched, and by whom. If you are old enough to type the above, you are most certainly old enough to decide what you want to happen to your body.
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Hah, as soon as I saw "told HR about it", I knew what was coming. WFM HR is a joke, their main purpose is to do everything they can to pacify the grunts so they don't unionize. If that guy was friendly with anyone in store leadership, it'll take an active police investigation to get him fired.
State very loudly so anyone within 20 feet can hear "Do not touch me again, it is inappropriate and I will report you to HR if you do". And don't back down even if he claims it was just in fun. I ain't laughing because I want to, b***h!
Former corporate executive hr here. Report it. This person clearly possesses no personal restraint. This is a clear violation of policy. I can guarantee that. Here's where things get interesting and everyone listen up because in any situation like this it's important to use buzzwords when doing so. If hr knows how threatened and scared you were they will take things more seriously. Always use buzzwords to convey how you feel. Explain your shock and horror as to what the person did and how it negatively affected you. Once a superior grabbed my neck a bit of a rough manner, but in a "playing" way, I had to ask myself how she may have reacted had I done that to her. She would've reported me. So I called a meeting with the HR VP and told her about how I was a childhood trauma survivor and her grabbing me made me feel scared, terrified and confused. This goes for any issue with someone you may be having with anyone at work. Sorry if these seems rambling but I'm in line for a coffee.
I've had this done personally. They're testing the limits of how far they can go with you. A short tickle, a longer tickle, hand on the shoulder, hand on the breast, hand on the butt. It's just a game for them to intimidate and harass a young woman. I bet if you talked to some other workers (current and former), you'd find out he's done this before. I hate confrontation as well and never did confront my harasser, much to my regret.
Yup. “Hi, coworker? I’ve been thinking about the tickling incident on x date and ask that you would never touch me like that again. I don’t appreciate anyone touching me without my consent. I know you probably meant well, but please don’t assume someone is okay with touching at all just because you are friendly with him or her.” Document and respond to his response accordingly. Also, giving HR a heads-up is all that needs to be done at about the same time so she’s covered both ways.
Just tell him "KNOCK OT OFF I DONT LIKE THAT!" If that doesn't work then report him.
The person I am now would have decked him, then reported him. The person I was at 17 had family like yours, and I would have let it pass, and that would have been a mistake. Congratulations to you for defending yourself and reporting him!
I would tell him ONCE that you are not comfortable with it. Anything more, and it's time to get management involved.
I would have backhanded the creep across the face so fast and so hard. Touching a seventeen-year-old. Under any circumstances, without permission! He'd be spitting out teeth for a week!
Good for you for going to hr. You also need to work on your fear of confrontation. Make a scene, make a big glorious scene. You won’t regret it.
Male or female you have the right to not be touched. That is highly inappropriate. As someone who spent decades in management, that would be a conversation with him and a recommendation that he keeps his hands to himself if he wants to continue employment. I would definitely put it in his file as well. My granddaughter is two and if she doesn't want to give a hug or be tickled, we respect that and don do it. I would keep a personal record as well in case hr fails to do its job.
For OP - if you aren't comfortable talking to the person directly, going to someone else is important. Either this person is clueless, if they have difficulty reading social situations, etc and needs to learn. Or they are not clueless and need to be put in their place. Hopefully HR can tell the difference and handles accordingly. (Edit- auto correct error)
I’ve never laid hands on anyone (thankfully no cause to do so), but if some weirdo tried that c**p with me, I’d probably deck them for it! No one has the right to touch you in a manner that makes you uncomfortable, so I’d definitely report them. Goodness knows how many he’s tried that with & HR is enabling him if they choose to keep dismissing the issue as “harmless” (meanwhile, he is probably laughing about it). Bet the issue wouldn’t be so funny if THEY were victim to his “tickling”! 🤔
After reading the edit, I'm appalled. I'd call the HR person back and remind them that the fact a grown adult is touching a minor could open the company up to liability if he doesn't stop. And hint that there could be some pedophile regulations addressing this issue. Maybe HR will take sexual harassment more seriously if they think their jobs could be affected by any lack of action.
In my very unfortunate experience of 17 years of working as one of the few females in a male dominated industry I have learned this: HR is there to protect the company and they will gaslight you. I've been told, well did you tell him it made you uncomfortable? And I would be shocked like it's somehow my responsibility to tell a grown a*s man, twice my age, and who is in upper management, how to act... As much as I hate to say it, the most effective way to deal with harassment is to directly call out the harassment to their face. Typically they are extremely shocked by your forwardness since they have been getting away with being inappropriate and in their twisted minds, they thought you wanted their attention. They may get angry, or gaslight you as well - but the shock and embarrassment of being called out usually stops it.
Right that she should confront and report but I don't like that she is being referred to as a victim. Tickling a coworker is a no no but by itself not traumatic. She is not a victim if she has power and control and so far she has...
Say it with me. You. Are. A. MINOR. You are a literal minor and NOBODY should EVER touch you... EVER. Should have been reported immediately. (F**k off, just saw how old this is. Hope she ended up doing something.)
I would only do this to someone I considered a friend and equal. Certainly not appropriate for a young girl in her first job.
I had a classmate in 7th grade that kept doing this. He thought he was being funny. I flat-out told him to stop. Multiple times. An elbow to the gut didn't stop it, nor did a knee to the nuts. But being pulled into the principal's office for a talk with the school resource officer about sexual harassment, that did the trick. Men who do this aren't going to listen to any words from any woman, because they already don't have any respect for us. The only thing that works (and only some of the time) is to be told by an authority figure that consequences can happen to them, too. Report him and get pepper spray.
I have a classmate in 7th grade that touched me without permission until I punched him. Never touched me again.
Load More Replies... He absolutely needs to be reported! No one should be touching anyone else without their permission, and an adult should absolutely not be "tickling" a minor at work! This creep needs to be told by HR to keep his hand to himself!
Regardless the age you should not be tickling anyone at work!And not everyone is a creep. A 17yrs old is wise enough to speak up for herself but instead made it about his age instead of saying something. One of my coworkers was notorious for walking up to women in the office and placing his hand in the small of their backs. When it was brought to his attention he was offended because he didn't think he was doing anything inappropriate. Just keep your hands to yourself!
Load More Replies... From my experience, if you don't put him in his place or have someone else put him in his place it will continue and probably escalate to other things. Stand up for yourself! Unfortunately, you're going to have to defend yourself a lot more throughout life so take this opportunity to start practicing on how to do it.
Wanna bet that if a big (preferably gay) guy did the same thing to him, he would be freaking out? Also it's really depressing how women are brought up to tolearate this kind of behaviour. Her saying "he didn't touch my boob or anything" as a way to say she wasn't really sure if it counts as harrasement, is heartbreaking.
Doesn’t matter if he’s an “older” person or not. Unless you have been living under a rock, even the “older” generation know it’s not okay to touch anybody without permission
Years ago, I had an inappropriate co-worker. It was a part-time job at a pizza place. He said crude things, and tried to grab females' butts. I talked informally to a manager I trusted, he told me I had to make it clear the behavior wasn't wanted. So I talked to him, he didn't change. I then did file a complaint, he was merely transferred to another store. It bugged me even then, some things just aren't OK in a workplace. No one should have to be told that they aren't.
My co-worker was so blinded by his behaviors that he failed to realize how inappropriate it was for him to continuously use the phrase "That's what she said" in the workplace. Some people are just way too comfortable while at work or it's the only space they get attention so they do dumb sh*t.
Load More Replies... Report the creep. He knows full well he's out of line with his behavior, and he's testing the waters to see how deep they are. Keep a paper trail, noting all times, dates, and comments. But don't be surprised if HR doesn't do anything about this; long-time employees tend to get a little more slack cut. Just keep escalating it until someone listens and acts.
A quick "eeek!" as you stand up and simultaneously jab your elbow into him. You didn't mean anything by it, you were startled and that was your reaction! Believe me, it never happens again.
He invaded her personal space, it doesn't matter why. I've had a few guys who did similar, with no ill-intent. But they didn't do it again after I confronted them (usually with an immediate "that's not okay, you don't get to do that to me"). Most of the guys that I've had this conversation with have backed off, and apologized and we were friends or at least friendly after. I think sometimes guys don't recognize that women have personal space too, just cause you don't mean to be hurtful doesn't mean that it isn't. We shouldn't have to say anything to keep guys out of our bubble, but that's the world we live in. A definitive "that's not okay" is always an appropriate response to unwanted touch. No matter where that touch is.
Unwanted tickling is assault. It's a pretty minor one for what it is. To do so in a workplace is horribly inappropriate. And once they become comfortable doing that, they're more likely to do more inappropriate things. You definitely need to nip that in the bud. Ideally you'd warn him first in the moment. For good reasons, you didn't. So you owe it to yourself to speak with HR. You don't need to rock the boat. Just report it, be honest, have it noted and walk away. If there's no history, he's not likely getting more than a talk. If there is a history, well, that's on him. If HR doesn't take it seriously and it keeps happening, that just opens them up to serious liabilities. And if you get treated differently/poorly as a result of this, you should walk because that's not an environment worth your time and energy.
One of my old coworkers was a guy who was old enough to be my grandfather. He had this weird habit of coming up behind me to rub my shoulders. Shudder.
Omg, one of my coworkers was notorious for coming up behind women in the office and rubbing their shoulders. Some encouraged it and many others shuddered. But those who encouraged it is why he was so comfortable to continue with the inappropriate touching in the workplace. I hear many say go to HR but they wear blinders to depending on their relationship with the perpetrator and make comments like " oh that's just his personality, he doesn't mean anything by it" smh!!
Load More Replies... My mom thinks she's entitled to touch me however she wants because "I created you" and "people are going to touch you, it's a reality of life."
Your mom is wrong. You have this little thing called 'bodily autonomy'. It's up to you how you wish to be touched, and by whom. If you are old enough to type the above, you are most certainly old enough to decide what you want to happen to your body.
Load More Replies... Hah, as soon as I saw "told HR about it", I knew what was coming. WFM HR is a joke, their main purpose is to do everything they can to pacify the grunts so they don't unionize. If that guy was friendly with anyone in store leadership, it'll take an active police investigation to get him fired.
State very loudly so anyone within 20 feet can hear "Do not touch me again, it is inappropriate and I will report you to HR if you do". And don't back down even if he claims it was just in fun. I ain't laughing because I want to, b***h!
Former corporate executive hr here. Report it. This person clearly possesses no personal restraint. This is a clear violation of policy. I can guarantee that. Here's where things get interesting and everyone listen up because in any situation like this it's important to use buzzwords when doing so. If hr knows how threatened and scared you were they will take things more seriously. Always use buzzwords to convey how you feel. Explain your shock and horror as to what the person did and how it negatively affected you. Once a superior grabbed my neck a bit of a rough manner, but in a "playing" way, I had to ask myself how she may have reacted had I done that to her. She would've reported me. So I called a meeting with the HR VP and told her about how I was a childhood trauma survivor and her grabbing me made me feel scared, terrified and confused. This goes for any issue with someone you may be having with anyone at work. Sorry if these seems rambling but I'm in line for a coffee.
I've had this done personally. They're testing the limits of how far they can go with you. A short tickle, a longer tickle, hand on the shoulder, hand on the breast, hand on the butt. It's just a game for them to intimidate and harass a young woman. I bet if you talked to some other workers (current and former), you'd find out he's done this before. I hate confrontation as well and never did confront my harasser, much to my regret.
Yup. “Hi, coworker? I’ve been thinking about the tickling incident on x date and ask that you would never touch me like that again. I don’t appreciate anyone touching me without my consent. I know you probably meant well, but please don’t assume someone is okay with touching at all just because you are friendly with him or her.” Document and respond to his response accordingly. Also, giving HR a heads-up is all that needs to be done at about the same time so she’s covered both ways.
Just tell him "KNOCK OT OFF I DONT LIKE THAT!" If that doesn't work then report him.
The person I am now would have decked him, then reported him. The person I was at 17 had family like yours, and I would have let it pass, and that would have been a mistake. Congratulations to you for defending yourself and reporting him!
I would tell him ONCE that you are not comfortable with it. Anything more, and it's time to get management involved.
I would have backhanded the creep across the face so fast and so hard. Touching a seventeen-year-old. Under any circumstances, without permission! He'd be spitting out teeth for a week!
Good for you for going to hr. You also need to work on your fear of confrontation. Make a scene, make a big glorious scene. You won’t regret it.
Male or female you have the right to not be touched. That is highly inappropriate. As someone who spent decades in management, that would be a conversation with him and a recommendation that he keeps his hands to himself if he wants to continue employment. I would definitely put it in his file as well. My granddaughter is two and if she doesn't want to give a hug or be tickled, we respect that and don do it. I would keep a personal record as well in case hr fails to do its job.
For OP - if you aren't comfortable talking to the person directly, going to someone else is important. Either this person is clueless, if they have difficulty reading social situations, etc and needs to learn. Or they are not clueless and need to be put in their place. Hopefully HR can tell the difference and handles accordingly. (Edit- auto correct error)
I’ve never laid hands on anyone (thankfully no cause to do so), but if some weirdo tried that c**p with me, I’d probably deck them for it! No one has the right to touch you in a manner that makes you uncomfortable, so I’d definitely report them. Goodness knows how many he’s tried that with & HR is enabling him if they choose to keep dismissing the issue as “harmless” (meanwhile, he is probably laughing about it). Bet the issue wouldn’t be so funny if THEY were victim to his “tickling”! 🤔
After reading the edit, I'm appalled. I'd call the HR person back and remind them that the fact a grown adult is touching a minor could open the company up to liability if he doesn't stop. And hint that there could be some pedophile regulations addressing this issue. Maybe HR will take sexual harassment more seriously if they think their jobs could be affected by any lack of action.
In my very unfortunate experience of 17 years of working as one of the few females in a male dominated industry I have learned this: HR is there to protect the company and they will gaslight you. I've been told, well did you tell him it made you uncomfortable? And I would be shocked like it's somehow my responsibility to tell a grown a*s man, twice my age, and who is in upper management, how to act... As much as I hate to say it, the most effective way to deal with harassment is to directly call out the harassment to their face. Typically they are extremely shocked by your forwardness since they have been getting away with being inappropriate and in their twisted minds, they thought you wanted their attention. They may get angry, or gaslight you as well - but the shock and embarrassment of being called out usually stops it.
Right that she should confront and report but I don't like that she is being referred to as a victim. Tickling a coworker is a no no but by itself not traumatic. She is not a victim if she has power and control and so far she has...
Say it with me. You. Are. A. MINOR. You are a literal minor and NOBODY should EVER touch you... EVER. Should have been reported immediately. (F**k off, just saw how old this is. Hope she ended up doing something.)
I would only do this to someone I considered a friend and equal. Certainly not appropriate for a young girl in her first job.
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