29 Experiences Of Being In A Relationship With A Big Age Gap, Shared In This Online Group
Relationships are not easy, duh! However, have you ever wondered what it’s like for age-gap couples? Different priorities, social stigma and judgment, perhaps limited shared interests – things can get rather complicated, but let’s find out what it’s really like!
“Couples with a large age difference: how is it different and what kinds of issues do you face?” – this person took to one of Reddit’s communities, inviting its members to share what it’s like dating someone outside their age range.
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I dated a 34 year old at 17. I regretted it. In hindsight, he was too immature to get someone his age.
Whoops. I started to write about how I dated my hot 36 year old divorcé neighbor when I was 16 and it was technically legal in my State, but then I realized that, yeah, I was molested.
Im 47. My last girlfriend was 19. We faced endless judgement about our age difference. Typically, I was seen as a near predator, she was perceived as either a gold digger or a victim. Her family couldn't accept it, we broke up despite loving each other.
My new girlfriend is (a young looking) 61. Everyone sees it as perfectly fine, good for her. I'm seen as a more mature man for dating her. Funny how the perspectives shift.
In both cases, it was her personality that attracted me despite the age difference.
Judgy people can kiss my middle-aged a*s.
Well, there's less of an age difference between 47 and 61 than 47 and 19, and the older woman has more experience, so she's less likely to fall for a predator, so that's probably why people don't mind your new relationship as much.
Agreed. 28 years difference and 14 years difference is a big gap. Plus, the 61 year old can have a glass of wine with you. I'm not judging you for doing it, I'm judging you for not knowing the difference in the two situations.
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You are doing great job kissing your own a*s. And I'm still going to judge you. If you were "so in love" the you would wait 5-6 years until she get an education and a job, become fully Independent adult person, not a child she was at 19 and then (re)introduce yourself. But then she wouldn't be easy to manipulate either by you or her family (because if adult, Independent woman wants to date older man that is fine and family should have no saying in that. But she wasn't at that stage of her life and you know it).
It's predatory. You didn't care until people started looking down on you, so you dumped her, or she dumped you and you blame outside influences on her. The power dynamic can never be balanced, because the 47yo can always claim wisdom and tactic over a 19 year old. But sure, it's their youthful personalities you're into.
The number of years in age difference, by itself, isn't an issue for me. It's that a 19 year old doesn't even have a fully developed brain yet. In my eyes it's predatory and gross, and you did nothing to convince me otherwise.
Exactly. Loved how he added how his current GF is a "young looking" 61 too 🙄
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Yeah mate dating a teenager who's 30 years younger than yourself isn't equivalent to dating an adult 10 years your senior
The base age of 19 is a lot different to a base age of 47 come on! Not the same at all
Definitely this, people mature in a non linear fashion a large absolute age gap isn't nearly as big of an issue later in life.
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Well I'm gonna be completely honest here...47 dating a 19 year old is f*****g creepy and you should be ashamed of yourself
This guy sounds super immature. He can't grasp why it looks off for a near child is dating a man more than double her age. That's a HUGE difference from two older adults, a decade or so apart in age, dating.
At 19 your ex's brain wasn't fully developed (it won't be until she's 25). She wasn't a legal adult (if you're American). Her ability to make decisions in your relationship was skewed by the perceived power balance. That's probably why people found the age difference... unpalatable. I'd say that's less about judgement and more about concern for a 19 year old child dating someone old enough to be their parent.
It's more than just the number of years. It's WHICH years. Middle aged and barely legal adult as opposed to 2 middle aged people. Not the same.
I’m just gonna say it… if they have “teen” in their age, it’s a bit icky to me. Regardless of gender. Scientifically, their brains aren’t even able to make fully informed decisions until they’re around 25/26. There are exceptions. But as someone who has been taken advantage of by much older people, it’s not always in the moment that you experience trauma. You might even feel good about it. It’s in the future, maybe five to ten years later, looking back, “wait, I was 17. How old were they? And they DID that, knowing how old I was? Omg….” BOOM. Who do I trust? Questioning everyone. Ruins relationships you have or could have. That s**t f***s you up. Please just don’t date teenagers, bro. There are sooooo many people out there, you can stand to lose out on a human or two for the sake of their mental health. Honestly, that’s the most loving thing you can do.
Yeah, let's not talk about the enormous difference in maturity between a 47 year old and a 19 year old who's barely an adult
How much shared life experience would anyone who is 47 have with someone who is 19? Serious question. I look back and myself and my friends at 19, and we were pretty much children. What kind of grown adult wants to date a child?
Also, no one feels the need to protect a 47 year old man. You're an adult who can make your own decisions. But a 19 year old girl is viewed by society as unable to take care of herself. In the USA she can't rent a car, she can't drink, she is still viewed as a big kid. I'd say rightly so. If you're still a big inexperienced kid at 47, that's its own red flag.
Dating a 19 year old is predatory, and trying to convince people by saying “it was her personality” is justifying your predatory behavior. Or the fact that you can’t find someone around your own age, says a lot about you and possible red flags. 🚩
I just don’t know why anyone in their forties is attracted to a teenager.
A 19-year-old has no idea what they're doing, no matter how hard they say they do. A 61-year-old, like a 47-year-old, knows very well what they're doing. That's the difference.
There are a lot of ways people can grow and change and mature in their 20s and 30s, experiences people can go through that teach them how to identify red flags, how to advocate for themselves, how to communicate and how to regulate their emotions. Someone who has never had a full time job, never lived on their own, never been through a serious committed relationship before, never had to move and start out somewhere new, isn't going to be on equal footing with someone who has done all those things. It's weird to see someone wanting intimacy with someone they have such different life experience from. I have no idea how much of that lines up with what you were experiencing, but i know when i give side eye to people who are full grown adults dating teenagers, that's a big part lf it for me. Someone who is almost 50 and someone who is just over 60 probably have pretty comparable life experiences and opportunities. Somehow who is almost 50 and someone who isn't 20 yet don't have thar.
61 and 47 are both fully grown adults... a 19 year old is basically still a child. Scientifically and biologically their brain hasn't fully developed and their decision making skills aren't all there yet. Also, they haven't experienced life fully enough to realize they are likely dating a predatory groomer.
The difference between those relationships is that at 19 yrs old, she does not have enough life experience, wisdom and good judgement under her belt to be in an adult relationship with an older partner. You, at 47, do have that life experience, etc. to date an older woman.
Pedophiles like you can kiss my a*s. That was not a "relationship" you had with a teenager. Period. The other way around, with your older woman experience? Both of your brains were fully mature. A 19 year old's is not.
"Judgy people" says the man who has to point out she's a "young looking" 61, and not a decrepit grey hag.
If there is a genuine connection I could see why making an exception is reasonable, but if the younger person is less than 9 years older than than half the age of the older person you are probably looking at a significant difference in maturity and if you really care about the younger person you should be willing to wait until they have grown up a bit more.
You know, if you're wondering whether people are going to judge you, there's a formula. Obviously no math is the be all and end all of something as complicated as love and relationships, but it's surprisingly accurate in terms of ick factor. Half the elder's age plus 7. So at 47, the socially accepted age range for you is 31 to 80. It works because older people are more mature, experienced in relationships, and capable of standing up for themselves - so age differences matter less.
I have never really understood why age gaps bother people so much.
While I agree with some of the reasons people are giving to explain the shift in perspective, there is, nonetheless, a double standard that I've seen, where an older women getting a younger man seems to be okay, almost congratulated by her friends, but when a man dates a younger woman he's a pig.
While no one has called me a pig to my face, I do get teased about dating a younger man all the time (I'm 40, he's 27)
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I never dated real younger women generally reasonably close to my age. However when I was in mid 50's One young lady was very persistent and we connected. She appeared to be a bit older, I was thinking late 20's. We got along famously and enjoyed life for close to a year until she took me home to meet her parents, Since I was older than both her mother and father it was not only awkward, humorous, uncomfortable and funny all at the same time. Turns out she was quite a bit younger than I thought and we mutually parted ways. Stayed in touch for awhile then slowly ceased contact. No regrets !
You "dated" for a year and didn't know her age. Uhuh...
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My grandma married a man who was 25 years her senior. They had 3 daughters and stayed together until his death in '96. She never remarried.
Papaw came home from WW2 and married Mamaw within a year. He was 30 and she was 16.
I (female) am 40 and my wife is 29. The main difference is that I am very jaded and cynical and she’s more like a wide-eyed excitable puppy. It’s a nice contrast though, brings me out of my existential funk.
40/29 is fine. The "rule" is half your age plus seven years or you're a creep.
Mom and Dad. Mom was 26 when she met him. He was 65.
People thought my dad was a predator and that my mom was a gold digger. But that was not what I saw at home. My parents loved each other pretty much.
I have an older brother on my dad's side, who is in his 60s. He did not have a hard time accepting us but his wife did, because my dad would help them financially. When my dad got married to my mom, she said that it was a mistake because he wouldn't give them any more money because he would spend it on us...
My friend’s mom was 28 when she married a man who was 82. They didn’t think they would be able to get pregnant but evidentially they could. Husband died 4 years later at 86, leaving her a single mom. Besides that, they had huge issues on both sides. The dad’s other children (in their 50s!) claimed new wife just wanted his money. The mom’s family believed that this man was a cult-leader type and was luring her into an unhealthy relationship.
All in all, a bad idea.
im pretty fine with most age gaps, but COME ON! 82 and 28??? that's just gross (in my opinion)-a 54 year age gap?!
My friend is 27 and her boyfriend is 50+. She has a difficult time connecting to his daughter, who is 24, because they are so close in age. This is because she is almost like a step mom but the age of a friend.
I'm 34 and my SO is 23.
Started dating almost 2 years. First it started as a "we like each other, but..". Honestly, the first month I was quite reluctant because of the age gap. But we had, and are still having, really fun despite the age difference
Started looking different at her after one month. I went on a holiday visiting my brother who lived abroad. He was a landlord at a house and rented out rooms to interns. Lots of girls/people over there were also around her age and I noticed she was much more mature and fun to be with!
After 4 months we went official and it's still going good. Sometimes I see my own behavior when I was at her age. If I can relate to my own experience I know how to act. And sometimes we just have to be patient at each other. We both know there can be different perspectives. But there is nothing we can't handle!
She often ask me for help and advice. For me she calms me down. I completely trust her and if I start to stress out, she is there for me. I lost a lot of my patience after I became ill last year. Because of a chronic illness, I went from energetic to chronic tired. I became more forgetful and changed a lot. Yet there she is! Helping me and calming me down when I become emotional or start stressing out!
I believe and feel happy about the fact that most of our priorities are on the same level. There aren't much differences in things we like, prefer and how we like to spend time with each other!
What also helped me a little bit was the age difference between my parents. Which was more then 12 years.
The biggest issue IMO?
I am far more realistic. According to her sometimes pessimistic.
We look different at money, cleaning and dependency. Sometimes I like to be on my own and if something needs to be done I barely ask for her help. Although that sounds more like a characteristic then something that has to do with an age gap
God I love her!
I dated a lot of older men from age 17 onwards. Weirdly, a lot of them were actually too immature for me. When a 35-y.o. dates a 18-y.o. it's highly likely the younger one will develop more and more whereas the older one is stuck in the same place forever.
If they always ONLY date younger girls, it's a red flag in my experience. Those are the men that can't get a woman their own age, mostly incompetent losers.
However I've recently dated a wonderful man. He hasn't dated much younger before. He's 31, I'm 20. Worked perfectly, we were on the exact same line in a lot of things.
Only thing is he wants kids - within now and 5 years. I don't want kids. For at least another 10 years. So we had to unfortunatly stop dating. Guess issues like that are most common.
Yup, the more difference in ages the more likely there will be important differences in life plans.
I'm 29, my Husband is 50. We don't have any issues. We have a 4.5 year old Son. Life is good. Edit to add, we've been together 6 years.
Listen, you can’t choose who you fall in love with, or special order love to suit all your criteria. It. Just. Happens. And it might happen with someone who may have some of your preferences, but not all. But when they’re the perfect person for you, your preferences change to exactly everything they are.
When I was 30, I started dating a woman that was 46. She was super hot, and very immature. [Making love] was great, but I felt like the adult all the time. I was constantly telling her not to do stupid things (like a parent). She would close the bars with her 19 year old daughter, and constantly wind up in bad situations. Idk, it was hell.
My husband is 10 years older than me, but because I tend to be more mature for my age and him less so, it feels like we meet in the middle and the age difference really isn't a factor. We do worry a bit more about the prospect of having kids as he doesn't want to be 60 when our kids graduate high school like his father was, but that's about it. We've also gotten some funny responses to people finding out about our age difference- I'll never forget the story about a woman commenting to my husband that I was a "child bride, like back in the war" when she found out I was 18 when we got hitched.
Yeah, my mom was 19 when she started dating my dad, who was 29 at the time. I graduated high school when he was about 60, too! It was always awkward growing up when people would assume he was my grandpa. I'm in college now, and he has a decent amount of health problems, so I'm always worried about how much time I'll have left with him. :(
13-year difference, he's older. We started dating when I was 29 and he was 42. Been together 9 years, married for 5, one kid. Honestly, it's not really about the numbers but about having compatible levels of utter immaturity (we suit each other well on that regard).
However, one thing that's been coming up lately is he's planning for a hopefully early retirement at 57, and even if I end up being able to retire early as well, 19 years is a lot further away than 6...
I dated a 30 y/o at 19. Not much was different. His friends picked on him for dating a college girl, but also gave him major props. It was a little harder to get his female friends to like me, mostly because the guys called them "old and weathered" when I was around (much to my dismay).
My friends thought it was weird at first. They had a hard time understanding why I didn't want to date boys our age that didn't have stable jobs or income, still smoked pot all afternoon, and were terrible in bed. I didn't understand why they liked spending time with people like that.
All in all, I love dating older guys. Not "old" but late 20's/early 30's. They're more cultured- down to go to the ballet, try weird ethnic food, share a nice bottle of whiskey by a fire, etc. than someone still in college. Plus they're typically much better in bed as they gain experience. The only weird part was helping my boyfriend with his resume. I was proofreading it and realized he graduated high school the same year I was in third grade. That was odd. Also some TV/music references he made I knew of but wasn't alive for, which was also a little weird.
I started dating my boyfriend when he was 28 and I was 20. The first few years were a struggle because we were at different points in our lives. I wanted to party a lot more than he did. We split for a few months, but came to the realization that we did want to make it work and be together. (It's honestly disgusting how perfect we are for each other despite the age difference.) We've been together for almost seven years and everything's great now. I feel like he's made me mature quite a bit faster than I would have dating someone my own age, and I've made him a more relaxed and go with the flow type of person. We had a lot of fights in the beginning, but those fights have made both of us better communicators. I'm grateful for the fights and that we were able to get through them because they helped to build the strong relationship we have now. An eight year difference now (me 26f and him 34m) isn't too much of a big deal, but being 20 and 28 had it's rough spots in terms of him having more life experience and me wanting to learn and figure things out for myself.
My husband is 18 years older than me and it's worked fine for us. I've always been rather mature for my age and people near my own age have always seemed childish to me. Many of my close friends are older than my husband is.
The only issues really are that some people may judge but I really don't care if they do. More of an issue is that he may pass away some time before I do which is a thought which lurks in the back of my mind. Of course that can happen whatever age you or your partner are.
My, 47/F & my SO, 62/M have been together for 9 years. Neither of us were looking for a relationship when we met. I had just divorced husband #2 & had no interest in finding #3, & he had been single for 14 years, after ending a 23 year marriage to his high school sweetheart. The more we got to know each other, the more we realized we *fit* really well together. My parents, siblings & my kids absolutely love him, & from the moment they met him, he was "family". His family hasn't been as accepting. His 3 daughters are all less than 10 years younger than me, & can't accept that I'm closer to their age than I am to his. They always point out how weird it is that my *youngest* son graduated high school the same year as his *oldest* grandkid. It hurts to not be accepted into their family when mine was so accepting, but in the end, we love each other & we make each other happy. And because it's *our* relationship, that's what counts.
Most of my past relationships have been with older men, with the biggest age difference being about 8 years.
I was drawn to the maturity of them, and (inb4 daddy issues) having an older male figure in my life, which made me feel protected & secure.
However, with that said maturity, I found that I sometimes had a hard time connecting & relating with them, and often found that they were very quick to move the relationship along (i.e. talking about marriage and kids) when I wasn't at that stage yet.
I'm now dating someone closer to my age which I think is more suited to me.
My husband and I are 8 years apart... does that count? I have never noticed any problems from it. I have had to teach him how to use an iPhone/computer etc but that's cause he's from a third world country and grew up without them, not because of his age.
Also an 8, nearly 9 year age gap. I was 27f and he was 19m when we met. Four children and three grandchildren later, we're still together (42 years).
I met my man when I was 34 and he was 19. We've been together just over seven years. Before him I had one boyfriend who was 8 years younger than me, and everyone else bar one was much older than me (up to 30 years older than me). My current man is much better than the others, but that's because of the person he is, and not his age. We both "get" each other, in that we both need a lot of time apart as we're both antisocial, and we are comfortable being apart from each other. I don't think this is anything to do with age.
Im 25 my husband is 44 we never notice the age gap it's irrelevant
Hey, this applies to me!
My boyfriend is 17 years older than me. Our relationship is really great, honestly, we’re very compatible. I don’t know it’s because I’m very wise beyond my years, or there’s something severely wrong with him. Or we are just compatible people.
The main issue *I* have is due to the fact that I’m currently in school (I’m a returning student), and I’m currently not working, and I feel like a real piece of s**t about it. I hate that he has to take care of all of our money, and sometimes I think he’d be better of going to find somebody who already has a degree and a decent job and he wouldn’t have to worry about that.
But I know he loves me, and he’s so encouraging and motivating when it comes to school, and I do my best to make his life good. My plan is to finish school (eventually) and once I start work he can... do whatever he wants. Keep working, go back to school to pursue his masters (something he’s always wanted but never had a chance to do.)
I was nineteen and she was twenty seven. We dated for a year, not very long, and broke up amicably. The breakup wasn't over the age gap.
It wasn't really weird except when I met her mom. I was still in college and her mom was thinking of grandkids.
We hadn't know each other's ages until after a couple of dates. We met in school; she thought I was older and I thought she was younger.
30 year age gap. We (M53/F23) have been together over 3 years.
We don't really have any issues and it's not really that different from anyone else's relationship except that we do give each other space/ time to do 'our own thing'.
My husband is 23 years older than I. I had 3 young sons from my first marriage (to someone my own age), and he seduced me by treating my kids so well. We have been married for 22 years now and still going strong.
I’m 34 and she’s 21, things are going far better than anything I’ve ever had before her.
I'm 21, boyfriend is 31. Started dating almost two years ago (I had just turned 20). It's a much healthier relationship than my previous one, which was with a guy 9 months older than me. I was a little put off by the age gap at first, but my parents saw no issue with it, and all in all our life stages aren't too much different as I'm a university student (undergraduate) and he's a PhD. Our maturity levels seem to match mostly (I've had several people say I'm mature for my age, I mostly agree but saying that seems to be an oxymoron....). Overall, we're both very happy :)
Got 14 year age gap it’s not a problem he’s older we are best friends I don’t like guys my age he treats me like a queen . Life is what you make it it’s not what others think . Live and let live . Enjoy your life , relationship can go wrong at any age or gap do just go with flow
My parents are 17 years apart. She married him when she was 35 and my dad was 52. She had been married prior to a high school sweetheart but divorced shortly after me. What I can say is that age isn't a barrier to love necessarily, but family, friends, society can be judgmental sometimes in hilarious ways. They love each other dearly but my dad has now reached old age and now roles are changing from them being lovers and best friends to being caretaker and dependent. The age difference isn't necessarily the reason for this, as many, even young people find themselves in this flip role situation. The age difference does seam to take away some of the sympathy that people might otherwise have as it seams that this would be a natural expectation. Now on to the hilarious thing I mentioned. They have a friend that is my dad's age who married to a woman my mother's age. Whenever we went out, staff at restaurants often made comments assuming they were each with each other's like age spouses.
Last night, I got asked, for the second time during our hanging out, if I was the performer's wife or girlfriend.
He's a silver fox sort, and I'm 49 and still dress like a hippie.
Now, if I was dating some dude 16 years younger than me, comments would abound.
My mom dated a man 16 years younger than she was, a few years ago.
I asked fir advice and what to expect with such a gap.
She said she got mom/son a couple times. But they just blew it off.
It depends on what you consider "large", but I was 23 and my partner was 18 when we started dating. When we first met, it had never even crossed my mind that I would date someone more than one year older or younger than me, so I didn't even think of her in a romantic way at first. But as I started to get to her know her, it was clear that we were basically the same person. So it started slowly, but gradually.
I was *extremely* self-conscious about it and seriously considered ending it for the age gap. Would people think I was abusive or just using her [to make love]? But then I sat down and thought about it. If she were a few years older but everything else was the same, would I have any problem with it? Not at all. Will anyone blink an eye once we're both 5 years older? Nope. And what was wrong with an age gap anyway? She had no problem with it. Her family had no problem with it. Her friends had no problem with it. My friends had no problem with it. Society at large was pretty indifferent to either of our lives regardless. I quickly realized the only person who had a problem with it was *me*.
The best piece of advice I got about it was that it's only weird if you make it weird. When people would make the inevitable comments, at first I would get defensive or try to explain. "Wait, she's in her first year of college?" "Yeah, we met when I was [wherever]." There's nothing at all wrong with that.
Two years strong, and she rocks my world.
Good luck!
I'm 21, met someone online, have talked about dating but want to meet him first (long distance) before making it official. He's 33.
I think we'll work tho. I've never liked partying or any of that, and he on the other hand doesn't want to stay home every day. I think we'll find a good balance somewhere in between and do things we both enjoy. I've never wanted kids of my own but don't mind them, he already has two from previous marriage, and they are around on weekends. Perfect if you ask me!
I think our biggest challenge is gonna be the distance until I'm ready to move to another country.
I've come to realize while reading this post that the age difference feels less concerning when the person is 29+ when starting the relationship with someone older. It feels like a huge red flag when the younger person is in their teens and twenties.
That's because it's not about the numbers per se but about "how much of a child is this person still?" At early 20's, to what extent do you really know what you're doing? I mean, that kinda goes at any age, but the difference is that you THINK you know what you're all about when you're early 20's, while in reality you don't. The older one has likely been there as well, so they should know what it's like to be that age. Idk it just doesn't sit right with me.
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I started reading this list but had to stop after a few entries. So many toxic comments! Jesus Christ, as long as both sides are adults and the relationship is consensual just let people live their lives! Nobody tels *you* to get older/younger partner, so chill and respect other people's choices.
Agreed, I feel like this has only recently become this big issues and more times than not I think people just need to but out of other people's lives. I really feel like we are moving backwards as a society.
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Almost every one of these, the man is older. I married a woman 5 1/2 years older than me. She looks fantastic for her age, but she is very self conscious about it. Oh well. Men die younger anyway, so we are synched up I guess.
5.5 years isn't a large age gap, though, once both people reach legal adulthood.
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It's 2012 and I'm 34. I met my partner and he wad 50. 11 years later and the love has grown.
My wife is one week older than me to the day. So far, it hasn't been an issue.
Dated a girl who was 9 years older than me. I felt like I was too young and too inexperienced for her. Turns out she is just a massive b***h and quite immature too. This got confirmed by our mutual friend who's closer on age to my ex.
7 years between me (39) and my partner (33). But we met as adults. I believe if the age gap is old enough that they can be your kid or grandkid then it's weird
14 years between me and my my partner with him in the younger side. I'm turning 54 this year and we've been together for 7 years. I was really self conscious about it for the first few years but not anymore. No one really sees the age gap between us or if they do they have the common sense to not say their comments where we hear it.
Between my husband #1 and I, we had 11 years difference and between my husband #2 and I, we have 9 years. The age gap showed a bit when I married my first husband as I was only 20 but didn't show - and doesn't show still - with my current husband and we've been together over 33 years. I dated 3 guys before getting married and they were all much older than me. It's my preference.
When I was 25, I briefly dated a man in his 40s. He was a gentleman, and the only real reason we didn't stay together is that he had kids and I didn't want kids.
I (currently 33,F) dated someone (M,45) 22 years my senior for about 5 years about a decade ago when we were 21 and 43. At the time, I thought I was mature for my age and that we were something truly special. Looking back now, I see that I was groomed and taken advantage of. I think he was struggling with his sexuality and know for a fact he was struggling with addiction issues, and he used me as a cover for both of those things. I would not do it again- he left me with my own addiction issues thanks to the substances he introduced me to, as well as completely messing me up for future relationships with fundamental lack of self esteem and an inability to trust myself or anyone else. And the worst part is that I still miss him. F**k you, Joe.
My grandmother's boyfriend is 15 years her junior, and they've been together for over 50 years. She's closing in on 100, and he's still with her.
When I was 19, I dated a 35yo. We had worked together for about 1.5 years, but different departments. Dated for just over a year or so. He had 2 teenagers, 16yo girl & 18yp boy (1st marriage) we got along fine. The hard part was his 10yo (different partner) who lived with him. I didn't meet her until month 7/8. Loved her, sweet adorable girl. The problem was how attached we were all getting. I finally broke it off, telling him I just wasn't ready to be a stepmother. I was 20, knew I probably couldn't have kids, but I just wasn't ready.
That must have been a very tough choice. I salute your honesty and integrity !
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My partner is ten years older than me and has a degenerative spinal disease. He worries about me wasting my life being with him and taking care of him. My best male friend married a woman twelve years younger than him, something I hadn't even noticed until we stumbled onto a conversation about age. There's no noticeable difference between them. My female best friend also married someone 15 years older than her, and almost lost him last year. Some of us really don't plan this, we fall in love regardless of age. We live knowing that our partner is likely to go long before we do.
I only have problem with age gap when younger person is too young to know what's good for them, taken adventage of, etc. When we speak of 2 adults (in body and mind) then I don't care. My MIL and FIL are 21 years apart. They're so in love, no one cares about their age, even if he's exactly same age as his in-laws, haha. But TBH, I'm glad my husband and I are only 3 years apart. We can grow old together, I'm not worried that one of us is still young and live like that, when the other person is already grandma/grandpa and prefer different lifestyle, but I guess it depends on people characters as well.
46&60 (me and hubby). The only thing that gets hard is our ideas of normal childhood. Meaning, what he thinks me me spoiling the kids is usually just what kids have nowadays. Like game systems and phones. Expensive bastards lol. I could just not buy them, I didn’t have them as a kid, but times change and we have money and that’s what a lot of kids have. 2020 kept us together indoor 600 days straight and if my kids didn’t have any screen time I probably would have no hair left.
My dad was born in 1916 and my mom was born in 1935. I would joke with Mom that they were 42 and 23 when they met, yay! However, if you went back to the end of WWII, they were 29 and 10, eww! :) Before anyone comments on how Mom was still too young when they met, at that time she had been married at 18, had two boys and divorced from the sperm donor. She and Dad were married in 1960 and had me and my sister and loved each other until Dad died.
15 years gap - met 7 years ago been tether on and off - it' snot a problem but because he is a father figure to my kids - the age gap makes it awkward when he is at their events
My dad married a woman who was a freshman in the same high school when I was a junior. For those who don't know, that means she's about two years younger than I am. They had a talk with me before the wedding that she didn't expect to "be my mom," which I respected that they recognized that because that kind of relationship between us wasn't going to happen, but after the wedding, the two of them wanted to know what my teen and adult kids would call her. I wasn't forcing my grown kids to call her anything but her name and it was up to said kids if they wanted any kind of relationship with her beyond "PopPop's wife." Unfortunately, they got married not long before Covid and I have an immune deficiency, so there wasn't much opportunity for any bonding moments to happen, but I don't hold any ill-will to her or their relationship.
When we met, he had just turned 21 and I was 31. He was mature for his age, and I was immature for mine. At one point I broke it off, worrying that some day he would realize he was stuck with an old bat. I came to my senses pretty quickly and salvaged the relationship. We've been married 43 years and are as happy as ever.
My husband is 17 years older than me. I honestly forget about it until someone asks about his age (usually in normal conversation, not in a judgy way). Neither family was exactly thrilled with it when we got together (I was 25, so that puts him at 42, only a few years younger than my mom). It started rocky because he wasn't sure about the age gap. My view (then and now) was that if one of us does tomorrow, will any of it really matter? Plenty of people lose their spouses at a young age without any gap at all. We work well together. Not perfect, but I definitely feel lucky to have him in my life. I don't think anyone is 100% on board, but I think everyone has accepted it and both inlaws treat us each like family.
My husband is 14.5 years older than me. We got together when I was 21 (I asked him out after we'd be friends for about a year and I realised I wanted more.). We've been together 29 years this year and married 22 years. He is my soul mate and my best friend.
Age differences are a big deal even in the best relationships. My wife is 37 and I'm 31. We got married when I was 25, had no kids or really super serious relationships. She was 31 and married for 7 years before me, and has 2 kids (that I've now adopted). Despite how wonderful our relationship is and open our communication is, we can STILL have issues with the age differences. And that's only 6 years. Cannot imagine relationships that span generations like many of these. I'm sure it can work, it just requires waaaay more communication and hard work.
I will preface this by saying, to each their own. Age is only a number, if both parties are happy, then who cares?!? 🤷😁 For more personally, I believe my largest age gap was 9 years, she was younger. I personally could never date anyone older/younger who I'm old enough to be their father, or they're old enough to be my mother. Just my preference. Again, to each their own.
Most of these are pretty gross. Your brain doesn't really mature until 25 so the larger age gaps are really creepy despite their excuses. I married a man 13 years older than I was at 22 and I regret how much I was coerced I was into everything including sex. It was awful. People that much older comparatively are manipulating groomers.
Hubby is 68 and I’m 48. Today we are celebrating our 19th anniversary. My sons dad passed when he was young and my husband (with no other children) took him as his own. We are deeply in love and it was hard work to get to this place of goofy, wonderful wedded bliss but neither of us would change a thing. If you’re lucky to find this type of love, hold on to it and I wish everyone a blessed day.
My grandfather divorced my grandmother (s**t happens), much later married a lady who was 20 years his junior. She was a wonderful lady and simply a 3rd gran to me - sadly she only just made it to her 60th birthday (a very nasty aggressive form of bone cancer - a horribly painful death), leaving my grandfather heartbroken (I genuinely think she was the only woman he truly loved) - that was 15 years ago and my grandfather is still alive and still sad. Sometimes this world has a sick sense of humour.
My husband and I have an age difference. Frankly, it's not anyone's business if you are two consenting adults. We are very happy together. His sons are my boys, too, and we give them a stable and happy home with us. Everyone tells us they can tell we love each other so much and are happy together. I understand it when people don't understand at first but I always hope that they at least observe us a little to TRY to understand. Unfortunately, not everyone has that capability, but in the end it doesn't matter. We're happy, our kids are happy, and that's all we need.
(just a note, we've been married 9 years this August, together for almost 12 in total, so it's definitely a long relationship with no signs of stopping).
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When I was 17, I looked mid 20's. I found out a friend from back home (Ireland) was working in a local pub, so I went down to say hi one evening. It wasn't too busy so I got to chat with him between patrons. I also had a bit of a chat with his colleague, a mid 20's looking, athletic body beauty. To cut a long story short, his colleague and I went out, we went back to her house, her daughter came home and 3 things were discovered. 1. She discovered that I had class with her daughter that very morning at college. 2. I discovered she was a VERY young looking 42 year old. 3. Emotional maturity in those situations is definitely not linked to age.
Met my S/O when I was in college. I was 22(f), he was my teacher and 15yrs older. At the time I preferred other women, but as the next few years past, I realized I was completely in love with him. When I graduated I went for it. Was not easy as he dealt mentally with the age gap. My parents were fine and his adored me. We've been together 12yrs and he's the greatest human I could ever hope to stand next to me. Thankfully Neither of us wanted kids or marriage, and we both love gaming.
Some of the gaps aren't bad actually. The real problem is when one person is under 18, and the maturity level. That's when age gaps really matter. If you're 18 dating a 62 year old, there's a huge difference in maturity and that's where some problems start. Honestly depends on the person.
I have a great aunt who married at 25, her husband was 45. They've been married for more than 40 years now. My own parents have an almost 10 year age gap, my dad was 28 and my mom was 19. It'll be 20 years for them next year. The important thing in age gap relationships is that both partners are mentally at the same place, since people mature at different rates due to different life experiences. My mom was and still is mentally more mature than my dad, hence it worked out for them. Sometimes two people may be the same age, but mentally they may be years apart, and other times they may have a physical gap but mentally be at the same place.
There is 7years between my husband and I. I was 18 and he was 25 when we started dating (one week before my 18th, actually). We have been together 34 years now. People had problems when we first started dating, but I was always a very mature teen always dated older guys. As long as it’s legal/age of consent
Age matters in some instances. Ethically & legally. Maturity gap is usually wide in adolescence, narrows a lot in adulthood & widens again at pension age. My biggest gap, I was 19, he, 50. He knew & taught me from 13. All kinds of wrong to unpack. At 34, I fell deeply for (& still love, we parted, not due to age) a 49 y/o. Gap initially bothered him, never me, but he got past it. His mum, meanwhile, implied I was a gold digging wh0r3. The twist: It was a poly trio with his 43 y/o wife, who IS a gold digging wh0r3 & narcissistic liar. (I owned my home, had a full time job, they lived with his mum, wife didn’t work.) He and I: Similar everything. Ethics, humour, mentality, tastes. Everything. We just worked. Age was irrelevant. We separated because his wife realised how well we worked, & thought she was losing her meal-ticket. She dumped me, told him to choose. Cost him a 2 1/2 year mental break. I dragged him through it. Irreparable damage. Guess who he is with now.
I've come to realize while reading this post that the age difference feels less concerning when the person is 29+ when starting the relationship with someone older. It feels like a huge red flag when the younger person is in their teens and twenties.
That's because it's not about the numbers per se but about "how much of a child is this person still?" At early 20's, to what extent do you really know what you're doing? I mean, that kinda goes at any age, but the difference is that you THINK you know what you're all about when you're early 20's, while in reality you don't. The older one has likely been there as well, so they should know what it's like to be that age. Idk it just doesn't sit right with me.
Load More Replies... I started reading this list but had to stop after a few entries. So many toxic comments! Jesus Christ, as long as both sides are adults and the relationship is consensual just let people live their lives! Nobody tels *you* to get older/younger partner, so chill and respect other people's choices.
Agreed, I feel like this has only recently become this big issues and more times than not I think people just need to but out of other people's lives. I really feel like we are moving backwards as a society.
Load More Replies... Almost every one of these, the man is older. I married a woman 5 1/2 years older than me. She looks fantastic for her age, but she is very self conscious about it. Oh well. Men die younger anyway, so we are synched up I guess.
5.5 years isn't a large age gap, though, once both people reach legal adulthood.
Load More Replies... It's 2012 and I'm 34. I met my partner and he wad 50. 11 years later and the love has grown.
My wife is one week older than me to the day. So far, it hasn't been an issue.
Dated a girl who was 9 years older than me. I felt like I was too young and too inexperienced for her. Turns out she is just a massive b***h and quite immature too. This got confirmed by our mutual friend who's closer on age to my ex.
7 years between me (39) and my partner (33). But we met as adults. I believe if the age gap is old enough that they can be your kid or grandkid then it's weird
14 years between me and my my partner with him in the younger side. I'm turning 54 this year and we've been together for 7 years. I was really self conscious about it for the first few years but not anymore. No one really sees the age gap between us or if they do they have the common sense to not say their comments where we hear it.
Between my husband #1 and I, we had 11 years difference and between my husband #2 and I, we have 9 years. The age gap showed a bit when I married my first husband as I was only 20 but didn't show - and doesn't show still - with my current husband and we've been together over 33 years. I dated 3 guys before getting married and they were all much older than me. It's my preference.
When I was 25, I briefly dated a man in his 40s. He was a gentleman, and the only real reason we didn't stay together is that he had kids and I didn't want kids.
I (currently 33,F) dated someone (M,45) 22 years my senior for about 5 years about a decade ago when we were 21 and 43. At the time, I thought I was mature for my age and that we were something truly special. Looking back now, I see that I was groomed and taken advantage of. I think he was struggling with his sexuality and know for a fact he was struggling with addiction issues, and he used me as a cover for both of those things. I would not do it again- he left me with my own addiction issues thanks to the substances he introduced me to, as well as completely messing me up for future relationships with fundamental lack of self esteem and an inability to trust myself or anyone else. And the worst part is that I still miss him. F**k you, Joe.
My grandmother's boyfriend is 15 years her junior, and they've been together for over 50 years. She's closing in on 100, and he's still with her.
When I was 19, I dated a 35yo. We had worked together for about 1.5 years, but different departments. Dated for just over a year or so. He had 2 teenagers, 16yo girl & 18yp boy (1st marriage) we got along fine. The hard part was his 10yo (different partner) who lived with him. I didn't meet her until month 7/8. Loved her, sweet adorable girl. The problem was how attached we were all getting. I finally broke it off, telling him I just wasn't ready to be a stepmother. I was 20, knew I probably couldn't have kids, but I just wasn't ready.
That must have been a very tough choice. I salute your honesty and integrity !
Load More Replies... My partner is ten years older than me and has a degenerative spinal disease. He worries about me wasting my life being with him and taking care of him. My best male friend married a woman twelve years younger than him, something I hadn't even noticed until we stumbled onto a conversation about age. There's no noticeable difference between them. My female best friend also married someone 15 years older than her, and almost lost him last year. Some of us really don't plan this, we fall in love regardless of age. We live knowing that our partner is likely to go long before we do.
I only have problem with age gap when younger person is too young to know what's good for them, taken adventage of, etc. When we speak of 2 adults (in body and mind) then I don't care. My MIL and FIL are 21 years apart. They're so in love, no one cares about their age, even if he's exactly same age as his in-laws, haha. But TBH, I'm glad my husband and I are only 3 years apart. We can grow old together, I'm not worried that one of us is still young and live like that, when the other person is already grandma/grandpa and prefer different lifestyle, but I guess it depends on people characters as well.
46&60 (me and hubby). The only thing that gets hard is our ideas of normal childhood. Meaning, what he thinks me me spoiling the kids is usually just what kids have nowadays. Like game systems and phones. Expensive bastards lol. I could just not buy them, I didn’t have them as a kid, but times change and we have money and that’s what a lot of kids have. 2020 kept us together indoor 600 days straight and if my kids didn’t have any screen time I probably would have no hair left.
My dad was born in 1916 and my mom was born in 1935. I would joke with Mom that they were 42 and 23 when they met, yay! However, if you went back to the end of WWII, they were 29 and 10, eww! :) Before anyone comments on how Mom was still too young when they met, at that time she had been married at 18, had two boys and divorced from the sperm donor. She and Dad were married in 1960 and had me and my sister and loved each other until Dad died.
15 years gap - met 7 years ago been tether on and off - it' snot a problem but because he is a father figure to my kids - the age gap makes it awkward when he is at their events
My dad married a woman who was a freshman in the same high school when I was a junior. For those who don't know, that means she's about two years younger than I am. They had a talk with me before the wedding that she didn't expect to "be my mom," which I respected that they recognized that because that kind of relationship between us wasn't going to happen, but after the wedding, the two of them wanted to know what my teen and adult kids would call her. I wasn't forcing my grown kids to call her anything but her name and it was up to said kids if they wanted any kind of relationship with her beyond "PopPop's wife." Unfortunately, they got married not long before Covid and I have an immune deficiency, so there wasn't much opportunity for any bonding moments to happen, but I don't hold any ill-will to her or their relationship.
When we met, he had just turned 21 and I was 31. He was mature for his age, and I was immature for mine. At one point I broke it off, worrying that some day he would realize he was stuck with an old bat. I came to my senses pretty quickly and salvaged the relationship. We've been married 43 years and are as happy as ever.
My husband is 17 years older than me. I honestly forget about it until someone asks about his age (usually in normal conversation, not in a judgy way). Neither family was exactly thrilled with it when we got together (I was 25, so that puts him at 42, only a few years younger than my mom). It started rocky because he wasn't sure about the age gap. My view (then and now) was that if one of us does tomorrow, will any of it really matter? Plenty of people lose their spouses at a young age without any gap at all. We work well together. Not perfect, but I definitely feel lucky to have him in my life. I don't think anyone is 100% on board, but I think everyone has accepted it and both inlaws treat us each like family.
My husband is 14.5 years older than me. We got together when I was 21 (I asked him out after we'd be friends for about a year and I realised I wanted more.). We've been together 29 years this year and married 22 years. He is my soul mate and my best friend.
Age differences are a big deal even in the best relationships. My wife is 37 and I'm 31. We got married when I was 25, had no kids or really super serious relationships. She was 31 and married for 7 years before me, and has 2 kids (that I've now adopted). Despite how wonderful our relationship is and open our communication is, we can STILL have issues with the age differences. And that's only 6 years. Cannot imagine relationships that span generations like many of these. I'm sure it can work, it just requires waaaay more communication and hard work.
I will preface this by saying, to each their own. Age is only a number, if both parties are happy, then who cares?!? 🤷😁 For more personally, I believe my largest age gap was 9 years, she was younger. I personally could never date anyone older/younger who I'm old enough to be their father, or they're old enough to be my mother. Just my preference. Again, to each their own.
Most of these are pretty gross. Your brain doesn't really mature until 25 so the larger age gaps are really creepy despite their excuses. I married a man 13 years older than I was at 22 and I regret how much I was coerced I was into everything including sex. It was awful. People that much older comparatively are manipulating groomers.
Hubby is 68 and I’m 48. Today we are celebrating our 19th anniversary. My sons dad passed when he was young and my husband (with no other children) took him as his own. We are deeply in love and it was hard work to get to this place of goofy, wonderful wedded bliss but neither of us would change a thing. If you’re lucky to find this type of love, hold on to it and I wish everyone a blessed day.
My grandfather divorced my grandmother (s**t happens), much later married a lady who was 20 years his junior. She was a wonderful lady and simply a 3rd gran to me - sadly she only just made it to her 60th birthday (a very nasty aggressive form of bone cancer - a horribly painful death), leaving my grandfather heartbroken (I genuinely think she was the only woman he truly loved) - that was 15 years ago and my grandfather is still alive and still sad. Sometimes this world has a sick sense of humour.
My husband and I have an age difference. Frankly, it's not anyone's business if you are two consenting adults. We are very happy together. His sons are my boys, too, and we give them a stable and happy home with us. Everyone tells us they can tell we love each other so much and are happy together. I understand it when people don't understand at first but I always hope that they at least observe us a little to TRY to understand. Unfortunately, not everyone has that capability, but in the end it doesn't matter. We're happy, our kids are happy, and that's all we need.
(just a note, we've been married 9 years this August, together for almost 12 in total, so it's definitely a long relationship with no signs of stopping).
Load More Replies... When I was 17, I looked mid 20's. I found out a friend from back home (Ireland) was working in a local pub, so I went down to say hi one evening. It wasn't too busy so I got to chat with him between patrons. I also had a bit of a chat with his colleague, a mid 20's looking, athletic body beauty. To cut a long story short, his colleague and I went out, we went back to her house, her daughter came home and 3 things were discovered. 1. She discovered that I had class with her daughter that very morning at college. 2. I discovered she was a VERY young looking 42 year old. 3. Emotional maturity in those situations is definitely not linked to age.
Met my S/O when I was in college. I was 22(f), he was my teacher and 15yrs older. At the time I preferred other women, but as the next few years past, I realized I was completely in love with him. When I graduated I went for it. Was not easy as he dealt mentally with the age gap. My parents were fine and his adored me. We've been together 12yrs and he's the greatest human I could ever hope to stand next to me. Thankfully Neither of us wanted kids or marriage, and we both love gaming.
Some of the gaps aren't bad actually. The real problem is when one person is under 18, and the maturity level. That's when age gaps really matter. If you're 18 dating a 62 year old, there's a huge difference in maturity and that's where some problems start. Honestly depends on the person.
I have a great aunt who married at 25, her husband was 45. They've been married for more than 40 years now. My own parents have an almost 10 year age gap, my dad was 28 and my mom was 19. It'll be 20 years for them next year. The important thing in age gap relationships is that both partners are mentally at the same place, since people mature at different rates due to different life experiences. My mom was and still is mentally more mature than my dad, hence it worked out for them. Sometimes two people may be the same age, but mentally they may be years apart, and other times they may have a physical gap but mentally be at the same place.
There is 7years between my husband and I. I was 18 and he was 25 when we started dating (one week before my 18th, actually). We have been together 34 years now. People had problems when we first started dating, but I was always a very mature teen always dated older guys. As long as it’s legal/age of consent
Age matters in some instances. Ethically & legally. Maturity gap is usually wide in adolescence, narrows a lot in adulthood & widens again at pension age. My biggest gap, I was 19, he, 50. He knew & taught me from 13. All kinds of wrong to unpack. At 34, I fell deeply for (& still love, we parted, not due to age) a 49 y/o. Gap initially bothered him, never me, but he got past it. His mum, meanwhile, implied I was a gold digging wh0r3. The twist: It was a poly trio with his 43 y/o wife, who IS a gold digging wh0r3 & narcissistic liar. (I owned my home, had a full time job, they lived with his mum, wife didn’t work.) He and I: Similar everything. Ethics, humour, mentality, tastes. Everything. We just worked. Age was irrelevant. We separated because his wife realised how well we worked, & thought she was losing her meal-ticket. She dumped me, told him to choose. Cost him a 2 1/2 year mental break. I dragged him through it. Irreparable damage. Guess who he is with now.
