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182
Office Christmas Party Crumbles As Men Refuse To Step Up After Woman Says No
Being a woman in a male-dominated field can be tough in more ways than one. For this Redditor, it meant being expected to single-handedly plan the office Christmas party—because apparently, that’s not a man’s job.
Tired of taking on the thankless role, she decided to say no this year. But with no one else willing to take charge, the entire celebration fell apart before it even began.
RELATED:
As a woman in an office full of men, she was expected to single-handedly plan the work Christmas party
Image credits: Yunus Tuğ (not the actual photo)
But when she said no, the entire celebration fell apart before it even began
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
Image source: ninjaprincessrocket
63% of workers have regrets about their behavior at company holiday parties
Image credits: Andrej Lišakov (not the actual photo)
When work Christmas parties manage to make it past the planning stage, there’s no guarantee they’ll actually go well—or even be worth the effort. In fact, according to a survey of 1,000 people conducted by FinanceBuzz, 63% of employees have regrets about their behavior at these events.
For nearly a third of workers (31%), drinking too much tops the list of regrets, tied with speaking negatively about their workplace. Other slip-ups include making inappropriate jokes (28%) and flirting with coworkers (26%). Surprisingly, over 15% confessed to getting into a verbal or physical confrontation during a work-sponsored holiday party.
Despite the time and resources put into these events, many employees would rather skip them altogether—the survey revealed that 67% would prefer a bonus or extra time off over a holiday party. However, 70% still feel pressured to attend. Even worse, more than one in three employees have felt obligated to drink alcohol at these gatherings.
Obviously, whatever companies are trying to achieve with holiday parties isn’t working. In today’s world, employees value fair pay and a positive work culture far more than forced celebrations. Writer Laura Bogart summed it up perfectly in her Refinery29 op-ed, Unpopular Opinion: I Hate Office Holiday Parties:
“It’s clear that we don’t want ‘healing and wellness mini-retreats,’ game nights, or dance parties,” she says. “We want to be challenged to do our best work and encouraged to innovate; we want to feel like our opinions matter and—most important—we want better, fairer wages. None of these things can be put on a Secret Santa list.”
In the replies, the woman explained why the men hadn’t even bothered to wrap the presents
Many readers chimed in with similar experiences
While others praised her for standing up for herself
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What do you think ?
Sky Render 1 year ago
Because Western cultures still parrot "boys will be boys" and coddle men long after they should be independent. As long as we continue to treat men like little boys, they will continue to act like little boys.
Load More Replies...
Ellinor 1 year ago
This remind me of the "Boots" commercial for Christmas. Everyone was mad because there were only women preparing the gifts instead of men, but it really just highlighted the HUGE mental load on women during the holidays. OP did the right thing by just taking her vacations, and a big shout-out to all the Mrs Claus this year who carries the holidays on their shoulders !
Tabitha 1 year ago (edited)
I’m 64 this year, and have been steadily working full time since I was 18. I lived through the time when this horseshit was the norm—-the accepted norm. But I didn’t accept it. I was also the only sister of four brothers, so was pretty much a tomboy growing up, and wasn’t really into all the party planning c**p, much less cooking mass quantities of party food for other people who don’t help or pony up for anything, not even paper plates. As a result, I am not great at planning anything more than a simple low key birthday party for immediate family only. I really don’t have the time, the money, or the interest tbh, to put a party together. Even though it’s obvious to anyone paying attention that I am definitely not the party planner type, there have been people who tried to rope me in to plan parties with or for them. One was a baby shower. I don’t have kids, and wasn’t even married at the time. I also hadn’t been to a load of baby showers—-if you stay single past the time all your friends and family are getting married and having kids, you see fewer invitations to such events (which was actually a relief, tbh)—-so wasn’t up with the latest in how to conduct one, and no one else in our friend group even asked if I’d like some help. I hated every second of it, and it was the last party I single-handedly planned. I was in my thirties at the time. The most I’ll do now is bring paper plates and napkins. Just don’t even think of asking any more from me. I already did my time with having to participate in that c**p, even though I was terrible at it. I’m done. Let the men do it from now on.
zovjraar me 1 year ago
i'm a bit younger than you, but my mum raised me to buck the norm in everything. when i was 20 and newly married, my husband and i worked at the same place. his boss told me i needed to iron hubby's pants- i laughed, asked if he was serious, and told him i'm the guy's wife, not his maid or mum! i have never let anyone rope me into any kind of gender role. if i want to do it, cool. if i don't, no thanks. i've said no thanks to potlucks (where only the ladies bring food), no thanks to donating to charities (I do this when i have $$ and i choose the charity), no thanks to helping throw/set up office parties, ect. i just say, no thanks, and walk away. i think people (men and women) are so unused to hearing that response from a woman, they never have anything prepared to question me on it.
Load More Replies...
Labyrinths of Coral Caves 1 year ago
I don't want an office Xmas party, don't need an office Xmas party, won't go to one if it's after hours, whatever. Even taking 3 hours in the middle of the day for a long lunch makes the rest of the day more stressful, it's not even close to worthwhile. I'll celebrate with friends and family who I actually like, not people I'm forced to be with 40 hours per week.
Wondering Alice 1 year ago
This year was the best staff party I have had in a long time. We had a woman who took it over every aspect and strictly bossed everyone around for years. She also ended up crying the last 2 years that she wasn't appreciated and some (she definitely ment me) were not doing what she told them. It's a school, and I refuse to spend time planning a staff party when children have needs. This year (she has left) all tasks got easily shared out, group plan took less than 10 minutes and everyone just got on with it. The men did plenty, other woman had refused to 'trust' them with jobs, even asked for their wives to step in - how insulting? Like, we are all adults. This year was chilled and a lot of fun.
Just saying 1 year ago
Yes, for some it becomes 'their thing' and if anyone tries to take it off them or suggests doing things differently it's like you are personally insulting them. You can only wait until they leave or they storm off in a huff.
Load More Replies... Mark Childers 1 year ago
If companies choose to have a party, it should be catered and not put on any one or group of people. It's not their job, full stop. Event planners get paid very well, and they know how to do it. Some random staff person doesn't, and it shouldn't fall along gender lines. If everyone wants a party, it becomes an "everyone" job if the caterer isn't an option. It's the employer's responsibility to provide the party.
Guess Undheit 1 year ago
My workplace (I live in Taiwan) does a Lunar New Year thing every January. While it is paid for by the company owners and employees only need to show up, they aren't accomodating and don't bother to ask what employees want or are willing to do. I have a soy intolerance, and they ignorantly and idiotically keep saying, "why don't you like it?" GETTING SICK IS NOT A F@@KING CHOICE, a concept they can't grasp while they plan a fixed menu, almost always foods with soy in it. Plus, they usually plan stupid events (one year, chugging down a bottle of soda ~after~ a dinner; this year, "wear this type of clothes or you have to dance"). I don't do "mandatory participation" or anything that involves humiliating anyone.
BookFanatic 1 year ago
So glad I'm in woman-dominated industry. 50ish employees and 6 of them are men. They get put on event planning committees just like the rest of us...and it's really fun to see what they come up with.
Sky Render 1 year ago
Because Western cultures still parrot "boys will be boys" and coddle men long after they should be independent. As long as we continue to treat men like little boys, they will continue to act like little boys.
Load More Replies... Ellinor 1 year ago
This remind me of the "Boots" commercial for Christmas. Everyone was mad because there were only women preparing the gifts instead of men, but it really just highlighted the HUGE mental load on women during the holidays. OP did the right thing by just taking her vacations, and a big shout-out to all the Mrs Claus this year who carries the holidays on their shoulders !
Tabitha 1 year ago (edited)
I’m 64 this year, and have been steadily working full time since I was 18. I lived through the time when this horseshit was the norm—-the accepted norm. But I didn’t accept it. I was also the only sister of four brothers, so was pretty much a tomboy growing up, and wasn’t really into all the party planning c**p, much less cooking mass quantities of party food for other people who don’t help or pony up for anything, not even paper plates. As a result, I am not great at planning anything more than a simple low key birthday party for immediate family only. I really don’t have the time, the money, or the interest tbh, to put a party together. Even though it’s obvious to anyone paying attention that I am definitely not the party planner type, there have been people who tried to rope me in to plan parties with or for them. One was a baby shower. I don’t have kids, and wasn’t even married at the time. I also hadn’t been to a load of baby showers—-if you stay single past the time all your friends and family are getting married and having kids, you see fewer invitations to such events (which was actually a relief, tbh)—-so wasn’t up with the latest in how to conduct one, and no one else in our friend group even asked if I’d like some help. I hated every second of it, and it was the last party I single-handedly planned. I was in my thirties at the time. The most I’ll do now is bring paper plates and napkins. Just don’t even think of asking any more from me. I already did my time with having to participate in that c**p, even though I was terrible at it. I’m done. Let the men do it from now on.
zovjraar me 1 year ago
i'm a bit younger than you, but my mum raised me to buck the norm in everything. when i was 20 and newly married, my husband and i worked at the same place. his boss told me i needed to iron hubby's pants- i laughed, asked if he was serious, and told him i'm the guy's wife, not his maid or mum! i have never let anyone rope me into any kind of gender role. if i want to do it, cool. if i don't, no thanks. i've said no thanks to potlucks (where only the ladies bring food), no thanks to donating to charities (I do this when i have $$ and i choose the charity), no thanks to helping throw/set up office parties, ect. i just say, no thanks, and walk away. i think people (men and women) are so unused to hearing that response from a woman, they never have anything prepared to question me on it.
Load More Replies... Labyrinths of Coral Caves 1 year ago
I don't want an office Xmas party, don't need an office Xmas party, won't go to one if it's after hours, whatever. Even taking 3 hours in the middle of the day for a long lunch makes the rest of the day more stressful, it's not even close to worthwhile. I'll celebrate with friends and family who I actually like, not people I'm forced to be with 40 hours per week.
Wondering Alice 1 year ago
This year was the best staff party I have had in a long time. We had a woman who took it over every aspect and strictly bossed everyone around for years. She also ended up crying the last 2 years that she wasn't appreciated and some (she definitely ment me) were not doing what she told them. It's a school, and I refuse to spend time planning a staff party when children have needs. This year (she has left) all tasks got easily shared out, group plan took less than 10 minutes and everyone just got on with it. The men did plenty, other woman had refused to 'trust' them with jobs, even asked for their wives to step in - how insulting? Like, we are all adults. This year was chilled and a lot of fun.
Just saying 1 year ago
Yes, for some it becomes 'their thing' and if anyone tries to take it off them or suggests doing things differently it's like you are personally insulting them. You can only wait until they leave or they storm off in a huff.
Load More Replies... Mark Childers 1 year ago
If companies choose to have a party, it should be catered and not put on any one or group of people. It's not their job, full stop. Event planners get paid very well, and they know how to do it. Some random staff person doesn't, and it shouldn't fall along gender lines. If everyone wants a party, it becomes an "everyone" job if the caterer isn't an option. It's the employer's responsibility to provide the party.
Guess Undheit 1 year ago
My workplace (I live in Taiwan) does a Lunar New Year thing every January. While it is paid for by the company owners and employees only need to show up, they aren't accomodating and don't bother to ask what employees want or are willing to do. I have a soy intolerance, and they ignorantly and idiotically keep saying, "why don't you like it?" GETTING SICK IS NOT A F@@KING CHOICE, a concept they can't grasp while they plan a fixed menu, almost always foods with soy in it. Plus, they usually plan stupid events (one year, chugging down a bottle of soda ~after~ a dinner; this year, "wear this type of clothes or you have to dance"). I don't do "mandatory participation" or anything that involves humiliating anyone.
BookFanatic 1 year ago
So glad I'm in woman-dominated industry. 50ish employees and 6 of them are men. They get put on event planning committees just like the rest of us...and it's really fun to see what they come up with.
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