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Woman Signs Over Parental Rights Of Her Baby To Cheating Husband’s Mistress, Refuses To Meet Her Daughter 14 Years Later When Her Ex Contacts Her
Settling down is like gambling – you never know if it’s actually going to work out. You might think you know the person well; perhaps, you’ve been those high school sweethearts, or love’s got you blinded, and you believe that the bond will last forever.
People change, and even if your loved one promised to be with you through thick and thin – there’s no guarantee that the promise will be kept.
Life happens, and there’s a chance that your once beloved spouse will make your existence a complete hell, but what’s worse is having children involved in this traumatic experience.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
Sometimes you hate the father of your child so much that you’re willing to sign away your parental rights
Image credits: Corina Sanchez (not the actual image)
“AITA for refusing to meet my biological daughter? (I gave up my parental rights years ago)” – this online user took it to one of Reddit’s most popular communities to seek advice from the members and find out whether she’s indeed a jerk for refusing to meet her biological child that was adopted by her former spouse’s mistress. The post received nearly 18K upvotes and 4.8K worth of comments discussing this emotional situation.
Cheating ex got in touch with woman saying her biological child wants to meet her, she refused and told him to never contact her again
Image credits: u/Thelastoffew
The author began her post by revealing that many years ago, she was married to a man named Mark; a couple of years into the marriage, the poor woman found out that her spouse was cheating on her and had managed to get his mistress knocked up. It was a huge shock because the OP was pregnant with his child too.
Image credits: u/Thelastoffew
She was only 9 weeks pregnant and was determined to get a divorce and have an abortion – however, the man begged her to reconsider and insisted that she give their relationship a second chance.
The woman had a very traumatic pregnancy and when she was 6 months along, she discovered that her beloved spouse had never stopped seeing the other woman. He later justified it by saying that he was “torn” as he loved them both dearly. Naturally, the OP wasn’t willing to put up with his behavior, so she finally moved out and filed for divorce. The author wanted him to disappear from her life, but since she was expecting – it made things rather difficult.
Image credits: Alick Sung (not the actual image)
Unfortunately, the OP never fully bonded with the baby and the fact that it was her ex’s child contributed to all the negativity that she felt. The woman told her former partner that she didn’t want the child, so when they got together with his mistress, she gave her the choice to adopt – and she did.
Image credits: u/Thelastoffew
The author signed over her parental rights as soon as the child turned 6 months old and, when she left, she told her ex-husband that she didn’t want to be a part of the girl’s life, and that his lover was more than welcome to become her mother.
The OP moved to another country and tried to leave that distressing part of her life behind; she met a wonderful man and is now a mother to 3 kids.
Image credits: u/Thelastoffew
However, she recently was contacted by her former spouse who revealed that her biological daughter, who’s now 14, is eager to meet her. According to the man, his wife had passed away and before she died, she told the girl that she wasn’t her biological mother.
The woman was completely torn, as she didn’t want to meet the kid. She mentioned that it was extremely difficult to leave that part of her life behind; she was severely depressed for years, so she reminded the man that she gave up her parental rights years ago and that she wanted nothing to do with both of them.
Image credits: David Steltz (not the actual image)
The OP shared that she planned on telling her kids about their half-sibling once they were grown and mentally mature, but for now, the time’s not right. She told her former spouse to never contact her again and hung up the phone.
What do you think about this situation?
Fellow Redditors shared their own thoughts and opinions regarding this uneasy situation
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What do you think ?
Allison B 3 years ago
I'm annoyed by the person who said children who grow up without biological parents have problem. And that even if they're adopted at day 1 they still don't have "real" parents. As a person who was adopted at birth that hurts a lot. Even as a teenager I had no desire to meet my biological parents. My adopted parents ARE my real parents. The fact that my mom didn't birth me means absolutely nothing. She's my mom. That's all there is to it. Sorry for the rant. That just made me upset.
Michelle Edwards 3 years ago
Also adopted at birth and I'm right there with you. My mom and dad are my REAL parents and my brother is my REAL brother. I did meet my birth mother and know how to get in touch with my birth father. But I never felt they owed me or I owed them that contact. It's just worked out for us. Each situation is different.
Load More Replies...
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 3 years ago
To meet a woman who resents her existence will do the girl no good
Not_Tellin 3 years ago
This is in reply to Justin Smith (the reply button is missing from his comment)... Justin, would you say this about a birthmother who placed her kid for anonymous adoption? Be quiet, BOY, the grown ups are talking.
Load More Replies...
Zero 3 years ago
With the state of mind OP is in, I'd say following the one poster's suggestion of writing the letter but also including necessary medical info is a good one. Then have a couple of trusted friends/family proofread it to be sure it isn't offloading all of the negative feelings towards Ex onto the kid. Then sit on it a couple of weeks and go back to it. As it sounds, OP isn't in any state of mind yet to have a direct convo with the kid and not cause damage. OP needs to sort through their own emotions long before that happens.
CL Rowan 3 years ago
She can send that info directly to the child's doctor without having to send anything to the child. OP should *not* send anything with her contact info on it, including an envelope.
Load More Replies...
Kitty Jordan 3 years ago
Gotta love the person who said "You never gave yourself a chance to bond with her!". At what point should she have made that decision? 1 month? 1 year? 10 years, then tell a 10-year-old girl, "Sorry, honey, I gave it the old college try, but it's just not working out." It's MUCH less damaging that she did it immediately rather than risk never bonding with her and letting the kid grow up with a parent who resented their existence.
Not_Tellin 3 years ago
Exactly. She knew in her heart that she would never really bond with this child. And she did the best thing. I have to respect that she let the child go to her father and admitted that she was incapable of being a mother to that child.
Load More Replies...
Laura Edwards 3 years ago
Men do this all the time. Old joke * I don't have any kids...that I know of* hardy har har. No matter what women do with a pregnancy, its wrong. Abortion, adoption or keeping the baby. Someone will have a problem with it. Since she is never going to win, she should continue down her path, doing what is right for her. You know who makes that decision? She does.
oceandizzle7 3 years ago
I concur! Always gatta be grasping at pearls when *a woman confesses she doesn't want to be in the picture, but doesn't bat any attention when men do. Thats the generational truama, dear!
Load More Replies...
Megzymonsta 3 years ago
NTA this woman carried and gave birth to a child she didn't want then gave her baby a family and home where she would be safe and loved. This is what adoption is and is actually the BEST thing this woman could do for the baby if she really didn't love or want her. It's sad that the girl's adoptive mother died but that doesn't mean that she suddenly becomes the kid's mother again. It's another example of stigmas against women that she "owes something" to this girl - no she gave her to parents she genuinely believed would give her what she needed. And considering there's a lot of countries (even some states of the USA) where abortion is illegal we have to agree that unwanted children SHOULD be allowed to have a chance at another family and parents who love them. And the biological mother should have the right not to be guilted or shamed for moving on with their own life once they have provided the best life they can to the child they don't want.
Not_Tellin 3 years ago
Exactly! I am a birth mother. I placed a child for adoption. I was looking at it from that angle. I didn't place for the same reasons that she did, but it's the same principle. I made a decision and no one really has the right to expect Me to do about face.
Load More Replies...
Jayne Kyra 3 years ago
Post was made 2 years ago, with this comment from OP: "She grew up knowing my ex's former mistress, and now wife, as her only mother. She didn't know I existed. I never wanted to give birth, my mental health hit rock bottom. I still remember how I day dreamed about getting hit by a truck and dying when I was 7 months pregnant. That's when I knew that I cannot be a mother to this child, ever. I approached my ex husband's mistress, who had just given birth and asked her if she wanted to adopt my child. She really loved my ex Mark, and agreed to adopt her. The day I gave birth (it was a C section), I didn't even look at her face. Once I was out of the hospital, I never looked back. She was already with her mother, her sibling and her father. If I meet her now, what will I tell her? What can I tell her? That being pregnant with her made me suicidal? I will have to lie about why I didn't want her."
MsLou 3 years ago
I don't understand people who are saying that she is TA. She signed over her parental rights and another woman raised that girl so the mistress is the mother. Technically she was just a surrogate. Now would I myself do this? I don't know, I have never been in that situation.
Kusotare 3 years ago
This doesn't pass the smell test to me. The "other woman", who was already pregnant by Mark, adopted Mark's other child? What was her story to these two kids before she "confessed that she wasn't her biological mother..."? That they were twins with different birth dates? Or did the baby the adoptive mother was carrying just disappear? Details are missing, because what's presented doesn't add up.
willi santiago 3 years ago
I think maybe the girl is grieving her mother and hoping to sort of replace her. She can't and it would make a relationship really difficult. Let the daughter heal. This isn't the time, if there is a time. Also, anyone else think the adoptive mother is a b**** for unloading that on her grieving child??
Justacrow 3 years ago
RIGHT!? SO few people are commenting on how AWFUL that woman was in burdening a 14 YEAR OLD with that baggage, especially since she knew EXACTLY how it all went down
Load More Replies...
Allison B 3 years ago
I'm annoyed by the person who said children who grow up without biological parents have problem. And that even if they're adopted at day 1 they still don't have "real" parents. As a person who was adopted at birth that hurts a lot. Even as a teenager I had no desire to meet my biological parents. My adopted parents ARE my real parents. The fact that my mom didn't birth me means absolutely nothing. She's my mom. That's all there is to it. Sorry for the rant. That just made me upset.
Michelle Edwards 3 years ago
Also adopted at birth and I'm right there with you. My mom and dad are my REAL parents and my brother is my REAL brother. I did meet my birth mother and know how to get in touch with my birth father. But I never felt they owed me or I owed them that contact. It's just worked out for us. Each situation is different.
Load More Replies... Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 3 years ago
To meet a woman who resents her existence will do the girl no good
Not_Tellin 3 years ago
This is in reply to Justin Smith (the reply button is missing from his comment)... Justin, would you say this about a birthmother who placed her kid for anonymous adoption? Be quiet, BOY, the grown ups are talking.
Load More Replies... Zero 3 years ago
With the state of mind OP is in, I'd say following the one poster's suggestion of writing the letter but also including necessary medical info is a good one. Then have a couple of trusted friends/family proofread it to be sure it isn't offloading all of the negative feelings towards Ex onto the kid. Then sit on it a couple of weeks and go back to it. As it sounds, OP isn't in any state of mind yet to have a direct convo with the kid and not cause damage. OP needs to sort through their own emotions long before that happens.
CL Rowan 3 years ago
She can send that info directly to the child's doctor without having to send anything to the child. OP should *not* send anything with her contact info on it, including an envelope.
Load More Replies... Kitty Jordan 3 years ago
Gotta love the person who said "You never gave yourself a chance to bond with her!". At what point should she have made that decision? 1 month? 1 year? 10 years, then tell a 10-year-old girl, "Sorry, honey, I gave it the old college try, but it's just not working out." It's MUCH less damaging that she did it immediately rather than risk never bonding with her and letting the kid grow up with a parent who resented their existence.
Not_Tellin 3 years ago
Exactly. She knew in her heart that she would never really bond with this child. And she did the best thing. I have to respect that she let the child go to her father and admitted that she was incapable of being a mother to that child.
Load More Replies... Laura Edwards 3 years ago
Men do this all the time. Old joke * I don't have any kids...that I know of* hardy har har. No matter what women do with a pregnancy, its wrong. Abortion, adoption or keeping the baby. Someone will have a problem with it. Since she is never going to win, she should continue down her path, doing what is right for her. You know who makes that decision? She does.
oceandizzle7 3 years ago
I concur! Always gatta be grasping at pearls when *a woman confesses she doesn't want to be in the picture, but doesn't bat any attention when men do. Thats the generational truama, dear!
Load More Replies... Megzymonsta 3 years ago
NTA this woman carried and gave birth to a child she didn't want then gave her baby a family and home where she would be safe and loved. This is what adoption is and is actually the BEST thing this woman could do for the baby if she really didn't love or want her. It's sad that the girl's adoptive mother died but that doesn't mean that she suddenly becomes the kid's mother again. It's another example of stigmas against women that she "owes something" to this girl - no she gave her to parents she genuinely believed would give her what she needed. And considering there's a lot of countries (even some states of the USA) where abortion is illegal we have to agree that unwanted children SHOULD be allowed to have a chance at another family and parents who love them. And the biological mother should have the right not to be guilted or shamed for moving on with their own life once they have provided the best life they can to the child they don't want.
Not_Tellin 3 years ago
Exactly! I am a birth mother. I placed a child for adoption. I was looking at it from that angle. I didn't place for the same reasons that she did, but it's the same principle. I made a decision and no one really has the right to expect Me to do about face.
Load More Replies... Jayne Kyra 3 years ago
Post was made 2 years ago, with this comment from OP: "She grew up knowing my ex's former mistress, and now wife, as her only mother. She didn't know I existed. I never wanted to give birth, my mental health hit rock bottom. I still remember how I day dreamed about getting hit by a truck and dying when I was 7 months pregnant. That's when I knew that I cannot be a mother to this child, ever. I approached my ex husband's mistress, who had just given birth and asked her if she wanted to adopt my child. She really loved my ex Mark, and agreed to adopt her. The day I gave birth (it was a C section), I didn't even look at her face. Once I was out of the hospital, I never looked back. She was already with her mother, her sibling and her father. If I meet her now, what will I tell her? What can I tell her? That being pregnant with her made me suicidal? I will have to lie about why I didn't want her."
MsLou 3 years ago
I don't understand people who are saying that she is TA. She signed over her parental rights and another woman raised that girl so the mistress is the mother. Technically she was just a surrogate. Now would I myself do this? I don't know, I have never been in that situation.
Kusotare 3 years ago
This doesn't pass the smell test to me. The "other woman", who was already pregnant by Mark, adopted Mark's other child? What was her story to these two kids before she "confessed that she wasn't her biological mother..."? That they were twins with different birth dates? Or did the baby the adoptive mother was carrying just disappear? Details are missing, because what's presented doesn't add up.
willi santiago 3 years ago
I think maybe the girl is grieving her mother and hoping to sort of replace her. She can't and it would make a relationship really difficult. Let the daughter heal. This isn't the time, if there is a time. Also, anyone else think the adoptive mother is a b**** for unloading that on her grieving child??
Justacrow 3 years ago
RIGHT!? SO few people are commenting on how AWFUL that woman was in burdening a 14 YEAR OLD with that baggage, especially since she knew EXACTLY how it all went down
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