Divorced Dad Won’t Uphold Mom’s “Reading Rule” On 15 Y.O. Teen, Gets Blamed When The Teen Wants To Move Out From Mom’s And In With Dad
Being forced to do anything at all is a fantastic way to begin secretly despising it. Once you’re finally not being forced to do it and are off the hook, you’re more than willing to put it away somewhere where you can forget about the entire experience.
Today’s story is about a really popular hobby that gets driven away by teachers or parents – reading. This man wanted to know if he’s a jerk for not making his 15 y.o. son read for 2 hours daily like his ex-wife does.
More info: Reddit
There’s no better way to upset your kids than to make them do something they hate
Image credits: Ed Robertson (not the actual image)
The poster came online to ask whether he’s a jerk for not enforcing his ex-wife’s “reading rule” on their 15 y.o. in his home
Image credits: u/CapableCutlery
Image credits: Tanya Gorelova (not the actual image)
When her 8 y.o. started falling behind in school, she made her kids read daily, from 30 minutes to 2 hours for the eldest
Image credits: u/CapableCutlery
Image credits: Vlada Karpovich (not the actual image)
Because of the oppressive reading, excessive chores, and other privacy-invading rules, the 15 y.o. asked to live with his dad full-time
Image credits: u/CapableCutlery
The ex blamed the poster for not upholding the rule in his home, but he just wouldn’t do it because he didn’t agree with it
The gist of this story is that the original poster (OP) is a divorced dad, co-parenting with his wife Amanda in this post.
According to the dad, their 8 y.o. son started falling behind in his reading level, so all of the kids had to read daily. The 8 y.o. has to read for 30 minutes, while the 15 y.o. has to read for 2 hours to keep things “fair”.
This is on top of all the reading and homework that he has to do for school, never mind the A in English that he already has.
When Amanda expected OP to enforce the same rule, he refused, basically saying “my house, my rules.”
Because of this, the son started wondering if he could be with his dad all the time, after having decreased time spent with mom when the rule was first put in place, only visiting every other weekend.
According to OP’s comments, this is not the only strict thing his ex-wife applies to the teen. Apparently, he also has to show his texts to her every night he’s with her, watch his siblings one of the nights he is there, do loads of chores with no allowance, and more.
What’s worse, OP reveals that when he’s there, he does all the chores of essentially 4 people, with other commenters saying that she’s just using the kid as a workhorse essentially.
The funniest comment on the post is someone doing some napkin math and saying that the parents should lead by example by reading 128 hours a day. Chop chop, parents!
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual image)
But let’s return to reading, shall we? Have you been there? I know I have. Having to read boring books and poetry that doesn’t resonate with me at school and then listen to the teacher’s analyses, as if they were facts handed down by the gods themselves.
It’s draining, it’s boring, it sucks, and worst of all – it makes you want to never do it again.
As a consequence of this, people become repulsed by the idea of reading completely, even if they were an avid reader beforehand.
When a Quora user asked “Why do most high school students hate reading?”, the community had some answers.
A lot of people emphasized the fact that it was the repetition and the slowness of the process that drove them away in the past.
These repeated analyses may be one way to learn to look at a book critically, but sitting in a classroom and listening to your class read a book paragraph by paragraph is really not the best way to engage with any work.
But how can you fall in love with reading again? Or maybe, if you’re lucky (in a twisted sense), fall in love with it for the first time?
BiblioLifestyle has some good advice for you.
The first critical step is to find something that interests you. Think of your interests and hobbies. Maybe you’ve always wanted to dive deep into a topic? Perhaps you’re more interested in self-help and self-improvement of some sort?
You can talk to friends and family to get some recommendations, maybe even going to browse your local library’s selection.
Next, you should create a realistic goal for yourself, whether it’s a book a month or a certain amount of time daily. You should set some time aside for books and if that’s too much – consider audiobooks.
You’ll find more tips on BiblioLifestyle, but for now, start small, don’t push yourself too hard, and keep reading!
The original post collected a solid 10k upvotes (likely a little more, but whatever) and a whopping 2k comments. The community judged the poster not to be a buttface and dubbed the ex-wife one or at least crazily strict at the very least.
The community absolved the poster of any jerkish behavior, blasting the mom for her crazy rules
It is so sad to read a story about a kid who is being alienated from reading. I loved reading as a kid, and would get in trouble because I'd stay up past my bedtime in order to read. Everything about the time spent at his mother's house seems unreasonable, tbh. All those chores, for a place he hardly spends any time in? Too weird. Honestly, if the mother is concerned about her children's skill levels, the best solution according to educators is for *her* to read with her 8 year old. Every day. For 30 minutes.
To me it seems like the mom just wants the oldest around to clean and watch the younger two. She doesn't want to actually spend time with him. Also, the reading rule is horrible and could force anyone to stop reading.
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Dude get your kid out of there soon that is gonna get to the point of mental abuse soon and it's coming in fast.
As it turns out, the son has the choice to stop visiting his mother and is seriously considering it.
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How the heck is it fair to punish a good kid with four times the forced reading time of the lazy kid that actually needs the extra lessons? That's the exact opposite of fairness. If the youngest kid complains, explain it to them and make it clear that when their work improves they don't have to do it either because to them it's not punishment, but a neccessity to learn what the other kid already can do.
It's not like older kids have more time --- yes from 8 to 11 probably sleeps a little less (to bed later) so have more, but 11 to 15 probably same or sleeps more (puberty!). No way kid has a further unused daily hour just lying around.
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So he's only there every other weekend which means 2-3 days depending on how you count. In that time he's expected to spend 4-6 hours reading, can't be out past 8, in bed by 9:30, and has to do chores and babysit every weekend? Yeah I'd be done with that BS.
The messed Up part is kids who grow up like this (like myself) in an intact household and have nowhere else to go. Them when the younger ones turn 13 all rules go out the window but you are 17 and still not allowed to go out or watch TV on school nights
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If she's expecting Dad to enforce her rules at HIS house he could easily say that his rules need be enforced at hers! She's not only treating her son like a baby but expecting him to be a third parent and role model at the same time.
Two things are going to happen in this situation. The fifteen year old is going to start to hate reading and he's also going to drift away from his mother.
The opposite happened to me (I was not allowed to read anymore) and boy, did it increase my hunger for books and decrease my will to socialize! Also, your child is not your antagonist, wtf are people trying to achieve with this much pressure? 🤷🏼♀️
And then she is going to wonder why her kids left her in a nursing home. And the other rules OP listed are downright ABUSIVE. Get the poor kid out of there.
If the 8 year old isn't doing well in school for reading, you should be spending 15-30 mins reading WITH him. You don't need to increase the amount of time spent reading, you help them find something to read that is more difficult. Otherwise, the teenager is just going to read Naruto manga or random internet sites for 2 hours day.
I just want an update where the kid moves with his father. I feel bad for the other two kids.
Can't you just see his college interviews: Q. What clubs are you in and hobbies do you have? A. I read for 2 hours a day. - good luck with that
HOW IS THAT FAIR?? The one who is doing the worst in school has the least amount of reading to do!!! THIS MAKES NO SENSE a 15 year old is a completely different bracket than 8 and 11. Does he have an 8:30 bedtime too???
Yeah, there's no need to force anyone to read. I read a lot during my free periods in school, whether it was my English, Hindi , science or social science books except geography.
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Callum is old enough to Decide for himself which parent he wants to live with & he’s obviously happier with his Dad. No court will force a child to stay with a parent if they don’t want to . For many it’s because the part time one seems to be more fun but in this case the mother is overly strict ( ridiculous in many of those rules) what teenager knows what they’re going to be doing 2 weeks in advance.
Parents enforce stupid rules on children just to control them... Its not the matter of being fair or just. They do it just because they can. And when their children move away from them at the first chance, they play the victim and wonder why their kids are ungrateful. IMO every couple who wants to have a baby should be made to take a course on good parenting and importance of boundaries.
As a retired educator, mother of 3 grown kids and 9 grands, even though I'm a bookworm, I've never "pushed" any of them to read. My oldest loved to read but the other 2 hated it because of their reading abilities (dyslexia and comprehension difficulties) I helped them and encouraged them to read topics that interested them, even if it was only the sports page of the newspaper (late 90's). My 2 oldest grands like reading but quite frankly I believe it's because they're still little (6 & 7) and no one has ruined it for them, yet. As to "forced" reading, what a horrible way to dissuade kids from picking up recreational reading as a pastime!! Forcing high school students, even AP kids, to read "the classics" is just WRONG! If it MUST be taught, use cribnotes and use it in an AP English class. Typically, regular ed. kids don't need or want to know all the extra information that is taught with these novels. I HATED "forced" summer reading lists! There was no choice,only books on that list!
I don't mind reading for hours if the books are my type but enforcing a 2-hour "reading rule" on an 11-year old is some level of bull-eff-ery. Personally, I'd tell Callum to read often but at your own pace and pick a genre. Who knows? That 2-hour readfest might come naturally later on. But enforcing it straight up? Hell NAH!!! Good on OP for leaving that nutter-ress in his rear view mirror. SMH!!!
I'm an avid reader. Being an only child of older, strict parents books became my friends- because I had nothing else. Saying that, I have about 50 books lined up waiting to be read. But sometimes I'm just not in the mood. Very few adults actually sit and read for two hours straight. That rule is insane and he's going to rebel and never read another book in his life.
Those kids are in a toxic controlling household- and their parents are setting them up to fully resent their relationship and most likely become binge drinking college kids. All three kids are being oppressed imho - the teenager is the only fortunate one who has a loving father who can see through his ex wife's absolute BS. I definitely am concerned for the other two children. Wow
F*****g hell I would've left her asap too kid. Nta that'd ruin reading for me
God, I love reading but even I can't fit in two hours of it every day! This rule makes absolutely NO sense. We certainly had to enforce a reading rule but we did NOT enforce it on ALL of the kids, just the one who wasn't doing any of his reading at all.
NTA! Sounds like the ex is very controlling and trying to dictate what goes on in your house. I really enjoy reading but why must everyone suffer because the 8yr old is falling behind in his reading? Sounds like the mom may want to spend more time reading one on one with the kid. If I was 15yro I wouldn't want to be forced to read because of someone else's failures. It is not a bad thing to have rules but moms rules seem a bit extreme and she's going to eventually run all the kids away.
You Are Definitely NTA! Your house, your rules. It's sounding like your son is way better off with you!
I think reading is excellent, and having a requirement for the younger children to read for half an hour a day is great - but there's no need to have a 15 year old read for 2 hours a day if he doesn't want to. Half an hour, would be reasonable, if he needed reading practice, but two hours is excessive. I say this as someone who happily reads every spare minute. Dad is NTA here, and that teenager is going to stop spending time at his mom's place if she doesn't lighten up.
The reading rule isn't inherently bad on its own, but when the other stuff gets thrown in, it definitely becomes a red flag. I make my 10yo read for an hour every day unless she has homework, but she also doesn't have household chores when school is in session (she has to make her bed, clean up her messes, put away her laundry, that sort of thing all year).
I mean, if she wants him to read, let him keep his phone. As a teen (15f) I read my texts for hours. Lol
Doesn't sound like he has a lot of privacy and personal time. A week's notice for plans (even if they don't have to take him anywhere?), forced babysitter, showing texts *every night*. Bedtime/curfew and chores are eh but not too bad tbh. But the rest. Dude, he's 15. He's gonna be out living in the world soon. Let him build that independence, or he'll build it without you at all. And yeah, 15 year old should not be doing this stupid reading rule. It would be fair if it was 2 hours studying and doing homework, that age there's always some kind of exam approaching. There's only so many hours in a day. Without an allowance, he might want to work for some money. He has homework and studying to do anyway. 2 hours reading on top of that so doesn't feel fair (as someone who can spend an entire day wrapped in a book)
Even if the older kid was having trouble reading forcing him to read for two hours a day isn't likely the help. And since it doesn't sound like he has a problem anyway it's just going to cause frustrations. Can't help but wonder if this is actually driven by the older boy doing stuff that annoys the parents (or stirs up the younger kids who then annoy the parents). So they're just forcing him to sit quietly for two hours a day.
Structure is good but forcing adherence isn't. Dad, you're in the right me providing 15yo is respectful, what he does in his time is his business.
It's not right to have all of them share the consequences of one child. I have three adult children and a grandson. Whomever did or not do something faced the consequences, not all three. If one had consequences, that's who would deal with them. I co parented with my youngest, daughter's dad. We did it great. We only disagreed once. He grounded her for being a couple of minutes late from curfew, tutoring a friend in math. I did not take her word for it. He told me himself. Any who! He did not give her a curfew or even say when to be home that evening. If she doesn't know, because you didn't tell her, she doesn't deserve to be grounded
That's not right to have all kids to have the same consequences that relate to only one child. I have three adult children now and a grandson. If one of them did or did not do something, they and they alone, faced those consequences. I also co parented with my youngest, father. We need a good job. There was only one time I disagreed with him. He had grounded her because she was a couple of minutes late at curfew. But he never told her she had a curfew and did not know. He and I discussed it (did not take my daughters wo
Ok, so the youngest gets an infection, and needs antibiotics. The middle kid has to take double the antibiotics, and the oldest quadruple, just to make things fair.
I honestly see nothing wronf with it sometimes I had to read as a kid when I didn't want to and it actually made me love books. I agree 2 hours a day a his age is too much but over all most 15yo wi not do this if they do not have to. And we all know that they easyli spend 2 hours on social media or video games... honestly the fact that nost people here agree with ghe father shows whats wrong with the direction of our world. We ecourage stupidity. Reading every day is a step in the smart direction. Every succesful person will state that reading everyday is even more important than school.
Reading two hours everyday will only make sense if you don't go to school and don't have 2-3 hours of homework everyday. That's a total of 9-10 hours daily and if you're adding 2 hour forced reading to a highschooler, then that's 11-12 hours a day. I don't even remember having the time to take a nap when I was in highschool, let alone having time to do anything else. Success means nothing if your health is at stake.
Load More Replies... It is so sad to read a story about a kid who is being alienated from reading. I loved reading as a kid, and would get in trouble because I'd stay up past my bedtime in order to read. Everything about the time spent at his mother's house seems unreasonable, tbh. All those chores, for a place he hardly spends any time in? Too weird. Honestly, if the mother is concerned about her children's skill levels, the best solution according to educators is for *her* to read with her 8 year old. Every day. For 30 minutes.
To me it seems like the mom just wants the oldest around to clean and watch the younger two. She doesn't want to actually spend time with him. Also, the reading rule is horrible and could force anyone to stop reading.
Load More Replies... Dude get your kid out of there soon that is gonna get to the point of mental abuse soon and it's coming in fast.
As it turns out, the son has the choice to stop visiting his mother and is seriously considering it.
Load More Replies... How the heck is it fair to punish a good kid with four times the forced reading time of the lazy kid that actually needs the extra lessons? That's the exact opposite of fairness. If the youngest kid complains, explain it to them and make it clear that when their work improves they don't have to do it either because to them it's not punishment, but a neccessity to learn what the other kid already can do.
It's not like older kids have more time --- yes from 8 to 11 probably sleeps a little less (to bed later) so have more, but 11 to 15 probably same or sleeps more (puberty!). No way kid has a further unused daily hour just lying around.
Load More Replies... So he's only there every other weekend which means 2-3 days depending on how you count. In that time he's expected to spend 4-6 hours reading, can't be out past 8, in bed by 9:30, and has to do chores and babysit every weekend? Yeah I'd be done with that BS.
The messed Up part is kids who grow up like this (like myself) in an intact household and have nowhere else to go. Them when the younger ones turn 13 all rules go out the window but you are 17 and still not allowed to go out or watch TV on school nights
Load More Replies... If she's expecting Dad to enforce her rules at HIS house he could easily say that his rules need be enforced at hers! She's not only treating her son like a baby but expecting him to be a third parent and role model at the same time.
Two things are going to happen in this situation. The fifteen year old is going to start to hate reading and he's also going to drift away from his mother.
The opposite happened to me (I was not allowed to read anymore) and boy, did it increase my hunger for books and decrease my will to socialize! Also, your child is not your antagonist, wtf are people trying to achieve with this much pressure? 🤷🏼♀️
And then she is going to wonder why her kids left her in a nursing home. And the other rules OP listed are downright ABUSIVE. Get the poor kid out of there.
If the 8 year old isn't doing well in school for reading, you should be spending 15-30 mins reading WITH him. You don't need to increase the amount of time spent reading, you help them find something to read that is more difficult. Otherwise, the teenager is just going to read Naruto manga or random internet sites for 2 hours day.
I just want an update where the kid moves with his father. I feel bad for the other two kids.
Can't you just see his college interviews: Q. What clubs are you in and hobbies do you have? A. I read for 2 hours a day. - good luck with that
HOW IS THAT FAIR?? The one who is doing the worst in school has the least amount of reading to do!!! THIS MAKES NO SENSE a 15 year old is a completely different bracket than 8 and 11. Does he have an 8:30 bedtime too???
Yeah, there's no need to force anyone to read. I read a lot during my free periods in school, whether it was my English, Hindi , science or social science books except geography.
Load More Replies... Callum is old enough to Decide for himself which parent he wants to live with & he’s obviously happier with his Dad. No court will force a child to stay with a parent if they don’t want to . For many it’s because the part time one seems to be more fun but in this case the mother is overly strict ( ridiculous in many of those rules) what teenager knows what they’re going to be doing 2 weeks in advance.
Parents enforce stupid rules on children just to control them... Its not the matter of being fair or just. They do it just because they can. And when their children move away from them at the first chance, they play the victim and wonder why their kids are ungrateful. IMO every couple who wants to have a baby should be made to take a course on good parenting and importance of boundaries.
As a retired educator, mother of 3 grown kids and 9 grands, even though I'm a bookworm, I've never "pushed" any of them to read. My oldest loved to read but the other 2 hated it because of their reading abilities (dyslexia and comprehension difficulties) I helped them and encouraged them to read topics that interested them, even if it was only the sports page of the newspaper (late 90's). My 2 oldest grands like reading but quite frankly I believe it's because they're still little (6 & 7) and no one has ruined it for them, yet. As to "forced" reading, what a horrible way to dissuade kids from picking up recreational reading as a pastime!! Forcing high school students, even AP kids, to read "the classics" is just WRONG! If it MUST be taught, use cribnotes and use it in an AP English class. Typically, regular ed. kids don't need or want to know all the extra information that is taught with these novels. I HATED "forced" summer reading lists! There was no choice,only books on that list!
I don't mind reading for hours if the books are my type but enforcing a 2-hour "reading rule" on an 11-year old is some level of bull-eff-ery. Personally, I'd tell Callum to read often but at your own pace and pick a genre. Who knows? That 2-hour readfest might come naturally later on. But enforcing it straight up? Hell NAH!!! Good on OP for leaving that nutter-ress in his rear view mirror. SMH!!!
I'm an avid reader. Being an only child of older, strict parents books became my friends- because I had nothing else. Saying that, I have about 50 books lined up waiting to be read. But sometimes I'm just not in the mood. Very few adults actually sit and read for two hours straight. That rule is insane and he's going to rebel and never read another book in his life.
Those kids are in a toxic controlling household- and their parents are setting them up to fully resent their relationship and most likely become binge drinking college kids. All three kids are being oppressed imho - the teenager is the only fortunate one who has a loving father who can see through his ex wife's absolute BS. I definitely am concerned for the other two children. Wow
F*****g hell I would've left her asap too kid. Nta that'd ruin reading for me
God, I love reading but even I can't fit in two hours of it every day! This rule makes absolutely NO sense. We certainly had to enforce a reading rule but we did NOT enforce it on ALL of the kids, just the one who wasn't doing any of his reading at all.
NTA! Sounds like the ex is very controlling and trying to dictate what goes on in your house. I really enjoy reading but why must everyone suffer because the 8yr old is falling behind in his reading? Sounds like the mom may want to spend more time reading one on one with the kid. If I was 15yro I wouldn't want to be forced to read because of someone else's failures. It is not a bad thing to have rules but moms rules seem a bit extreme and she's going to eventually run all the kids away.
You Are Definitely NTA! Your house, your rules. It's sounding like your son is way better off with you!
I think reading is excellent, and having a requirement for the younger children to read for half an hour a day is great - but there's no need to have a 15 year old read for 2 hours a day if he doesn't want to. Half an hour, would be reasonable, if he needed reading practice, but two hours is excessive. I say this as someone who happily reads every spare minute. Dad is NTA here, and that teenager is going to stop spending time at his mom's place if she doesn't lighten up.
The reading rule isn't inherently bad on its own, but when the other stuff gets thrown in, it definitely becomes a red flag. I make my 10yo read for an hour every day unless she has homework, but she also doesn't have household chores when school is in session (she has to make her bed, clean up her messes, put away her laundry, that sort of thing all year).
I mean, if she wants him to read, let him keep his phone. As a teen (15f) I read my texts for hours. Lol
Doesn't sound like he has a lot of privacy and personal time. A week's notice for plans (even if they don't have to take him anywhere?), forced babysitter, showing texts *every night*. Bedtime/curfew and chores are eh but not too bad tbh. But the rest. Dude, he's 15. He's gonna be out living in the world soon. Let him build that independence, or he'll build it without you at all. And yeah, 15 year old should not be doing this stupid reading rule. It would be fair if it was 2 hours studying and doing homework, that age there's always some kind of exam approaching. There's only so many hours in a day. Without an allowance, he might want to work for some money. He has homework and studying to do anyway. 2 hours reading on top of that so doesn't feel fair (as someone who can spend an entire day wrapped in a book)
Even if the older kid was having trouble reading forcing him to read for two hours a day isn't likely the help. And since it doesn't sound like he has a problem anyway it's just going to cause frustrations. Can't help but wonder if this is actually driven by the older boy doing stuff that annoys the parents (or stirs up the younger kids who then annoy the parents). So they're just forcing him to sit quietly for two hours a day.
Structure is good but forcing adherence isn't. Dad, you're in the right me providing 15yo is respectful, what he does in his time is his business.
It's not right to have all of them share the consequences of one child. I have three adult children and a grandson. Whomever did or not do something faced the consequences, not all three. If one had consequences, that's who would deal with them. I co parented with my youngest, daughter's dad. We did it great. We only disagreed once. He grounded her for being a couple of minutes late from curfew, tutoring a friend in math. I did not take her word for it. He told me himself. Any who! He did not give her a curfew or even say when to be home that evening. If she doesn't know, because you didn't tell her, she doesn't deserve to be grounded
That's not right to have all kids to have the same consequences that relate to only one child. I have three adult children now and a grandson. If one of them did or did not do something, they and they alone, faced those consequences. I also co parented with my youngest, father. We need a good job. There was only one time I disagreed with him. He had grounded her because she was a couple of minutes late at curfew. But he never told her she had a curfew and did not know. He and I discussed it (did not take my daughters wo
Ok, so the youngest gets an infection, and needs antibiotics. The middle kid has to take double the antibiotics, and the oldest quadruple, just to make things fair.
I honestly see nothing wronf with it sometimes I had to read as a kid when I didn't want to and it actually made me love books. I agree 2 hours a day a his age is too much but over all most 15yo wi not do this if they do not have to. And we all know that they easyli spend 2 hours on social media or video games... honestly the fact that nost people here agree with ghe father shows whats wrong with the direction of our world. We ecourage stupidity. Reading every day is a step in the smart direction. Every succesful person will state that reading everyday is even more important than school.
Reading two hours everyday will only make sense if you don't go to school and don't have 2-3 hours of homework everyday. That's a total of 9-10 hours daily and if you're adding 2 hour forced reading to a highschooler, then that's 11-12 hours a day. I don't even remember having the time to take a nap when I was in highschool, let alone having time to do anything else. Success means nothing if your health is at stake.
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