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141
“How Are You The Evil Stepmom To Your Own Kids?”: People Roast Entitled Mom After Fight With Ex
Joint custody is an arrangement under which both parents are responsible for raising their children after a divorce or separation. It’s often seen as a way to provide the children with a stable and supportive environment; however, parents need to maintain a high level of communication and cooperation to make it work.
For the most part, Reddit user KittenBox8 and her ex-husband managed to overcome their differences and collaborate in raising their kids. But when the dad wanted to take the little ones to his family reunion, their efforts broke down, causing a lot of fighting.
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These two parents tried their best to provide their kids with a stable environment after their divorce
Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
But one day, their joint custody arrangement stopped working
Image credits: PAN XIAOZHEN / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: KittenBox8
Tension is difficult to avoid when raising kids post-divorce
Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
“Collaboration can make the custody arrangement work better, providing that the two parents can work together and agree on what is beneficial for the child(ren). However, I find that people who work collaboratively rarely get divorced,” said Christine B.L. Adams, MD, who is a child and adult psychiatrist practicing in Louisville, Kentucky. “They work things out in their relationship, including issues over raising children. They are content to be married. They achieve harmony and workable solutions for their difficulties.”
According to the psychiatrist, people who divorce have already established they cannot get along with one another and enjoy their lives together. “They do not see eye-to-eye on so many concerns that they dissolved the relationship. Divorced couples disagree with one another on many fronts. Often, they have distinct viewpoints on how to help and raise their children. Such childrearing differences may predate their divorce or even be the cause of their divorce.”
Adams highlighted that as long as children live with married parents, they are buffered and protected from the care-consumer parent by the other one who better meets their needs. However, once divorce takes place, children have more exposure to the emotionally needy parent and become emotionally encumbered.
“I wish that joint custody worked better … I wish marriage and mate choices worked better, too, so that children did not have to go through these post-divorce times of turmoil with their parents,” the psychiatrist explained.
“Since this does not happen, I find that sole custody with the emotionally giving parent affords children the most advantageous opportunity to grow up securely and emotionally nourished. Regular visitation by the other parent ensures no loss of contact or relationship with that parent,” Adams explained her position.
In an ideal world, joint custody works. How close parents get to that perfect model is up to them. But as this Reddit post shows, it’s always facing the possibility of conflict.
Luckily for these children, their situation resolved itself.
Later, the woman released an update on the situation, saying that she had reconsidered her decision
Image credits: KittenBox8
The comments that the author of the post had received were the thing that changed her mind
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What do you think ?
Gavin Johnson 1 year ago
My ex-wife and I split up just over seven years ago. We agreed then that our daughter would never be used as a bargaining chip or weapon against each other, she’s totally innocent in our failure as a couple. She is our number one priority and we make decisions based on what’s best for her, we compromise, we negotiate, we communicate. It’s not always been easy obviously, there have been some slips but our daughter has never known, we have separated our priorities, we are parents first and ex-partners second. Be adults, be adaptable and suck it up, your children are the priority, be the adult you’d like them to grow up to be.
Ephemera Image 1 year ago
This is the way. I don't understand her reasoning at all, better to do a favour for your ex so you can 'bank' it for the future. What if she gets sick and needs recovery time? She might need a backup for that, or any other events that might occur. Shortsighted and cutting off her own nose for spite. And using the 'I never change MY times' is not a virtue, it's an inflexible martinet.
Load More Replies...
Flora Porter 1 year ago (edited)
There are plenty of people who go to AITA genuinely wanting perspective and open to feedback, and then there are people who'll only accept validation and agreement they can show their family. Her update says she agreed to it as a compromise, not because she accepts feedback she was at fault, and that tells you what's going on. Don't hurt your kids to punish your ex or you'll lose them as soon as they're old enough to decide for themselves which parent they want to love with.
The Starsong Princess 1 year ago
YTA and foolish to boot. Wasn’t there something she wanted like extra days at Christmas or a future event? Negotiate!
Guess Undheit 1 year ago
DEFINITELY the Ash Sole. By the clod's own admission, the husband is faultless about being on time and cooperative, so there was ZERO reason to be inflexible for a one time thing. That was her own pettiness, not him "violating agreement". Expect to be cut out the next time, you selfish dolt.
Donna Peluda 1 year ago
I like it were she says MY time, no it's not love. It's THIER, you kids time.
Jon Steensen 1 year ago
"He is trying to paint me as the bad guy". No no no, you are the bad guy, and your children suffer as a consequence of you insisting so strictly on following the rules, and not being the least bit flexible. You are extremly selfcentered, and they are right for being mad at you, as you put your petty above their well being. The got an amazing opportunity and you ruined that for them, by demand that the entire world complies with your more or less random schedule. They were right not to apologize as it was you, not them, that crossed the line. At least your previous husband got away, we can only hope the the children can stand it until they get old enough to do the same. The sad part is that she probably won't even know what hit her. Giving a little in those situations where it won't hurt you is what is needed to make things work. You are not loosing time with your children overall by swapping weeks, you'll just get that at another time, and where is the harm in that?
Gavin Johnson 1 year ago
My ex-wife and I split up just over seven years ago. We agreed then that our daughter would never be used as a bargaining chip or weapon against each other, she’s totally innocent in our failure as a couple. She is our number one priority and we make decisions based on what’s best for her, we compromise, we negotiate, we communicate. It’s not always been easy obviously, there have been some slips but our daughter has never known, we have separated our priorities, we are parents first and ex-partners second. Be adults, be adaptable and suck it up, your children are the priority, be the adult you’d like them to grow up to be.
Ephemera Image 1 year ago
This is the way. I don't understand her reasoning at all, better to do a favour for your ex so you can 'bank' it for the future. What if she gets sick and needs recovery time? She might need a backup for that, or any other events that might occur. Shortsighted and cutting off her own nose for spite. And using the 'I never change MY times' is not a virtue, it's an inflexible martinet.
Load More Replies... Flora Porter 1 year ago (edited)
There are plenty of people who go to AITA genuinely wanting perspective and open to feedback, and then there are people who'll only accept validation and agreement they can show their family. Her update says she agreed to it as a compromise, not because she accepts feedback she was at fault, and that tells you what's going on. Don't hurt your kids to punish your ex or you'll lose them as soon as they're old enough to decide for themselves which parent they want to love with.
The Starsong Princess 1 year ago
YTA and foolish to boot. Wasn’t there something she wanted like extra days at Christmas or a future event? Negotiate!
Guess Undheit 1 year ago
DEFINITELY the Ash Sole. By the clod's own admission, the husband is faultless about being on time and cooperative, so there was ZERO reason to be inflexible for a one time thing. That was her own pettiness, not him "violating agreement". Expect to be cut out the next time, you selfish dolt.
Donna Peluda 1 year ago
I like it were she says MY time, no it's not love. It's THIER, you kids time.
Jon Steensen 1 year ago
"He is trying to paint me as the bad guy". No no no, you are the bad guy, and your children suffer as a consequence of you insisting so strictly on following the rules, and not being the least bit flexible. You are extremly selfcentered, and they are right for being mad at you, as you put your petty above their well being. The got an amazing opportunity and you ruined that for them, by demand that the entire world complies with your more or less random schedule. They were right not to apologize as it was you, not them, that crossed the line. At least your previous husband got away, we can only hope the the children can stand it until they get old enough to do the same. The sad part is that she probably won't even know what hit her. Giving a little in those situations where it won't hurt you is what is needed to make things work. You are not loosing time with your children overall by swapping weeks, you'll just get that at another time, and where is the harm in that?
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