Woman Marries Sister’s Long-Time Crush, Tables Turn When They Need Help And She Refuses
Relationships, including family ones, are tricky. We don’t have to tell you that, right? Yet there are some things, like common understandings, that always make these relationships a tad easier. Well, that’s if all people involved in that relationship abide by them. For instance, if sisters agree not to pursue each other’s romantic interests, it would make their dynamic easier unless one sister decides to go rogue and pursue another one’s crush. Well, that not only makes the relationship trickier, but it can also break it for years. And, yes, we are describing today’s main story.
More info: Reddit
What do you do when people who hurt you in the past ask for quite a big favor?
Image credits: Binyamin Mellish (not the actual picture)
A woman used to have a best friend, who she crushed on, and a sister, who she got along with very well
After one time when the sister’s crush hit on the woman, both siblings made a pact that neither of them would pursue each other’s romantic interests
Image credits: Vera Arsic (not the actual picture)
Yet, when the woman was finally getting together with her crush, she learned her sister had done the same, which caused a fight and estrangement between them
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual picture)
Image credits: u/Both_Staff_5410
Now, years later, the sister and the same guy, who’s now her husband, came asking to stay at the woman’s vacation home after being kicked out of their place
Growing up, the OP was very close with her sister. But she also had a best friend, who was a guy and her crush back in the day, around when she was 20 years old.
Also, at the same time, her sister had a crush on another guy. One day, the sister’s crush flirted with the author, but she didn’t flirt back, as she knew about her sister’s feelings. Yet, it still angered the sister, so she made a pact that neither of them could get with a guy the other one liked.
We can probably say that, in a way, this pact was based on the so-called “sister code.” This code can be applied to just women’s friendships or sisters’ relationships. Basically, it says that any of the women in this friendship/relationship shouldn’t pursue another one’s crush or ex.
At the same time, there are some who say that sister code is basically a non-existent term, and even if it is being used, it’s for justifying one’s prudeness (or maybe this definition needs to be updated, as times have changed since 2014 when this description was posted.) And that’s not only our opinion — there are others who argue that it kind of reeks of misogyny.
These people also argue that, no matter if the sister code term is widely used or not, it should be common sense not to pursue someone who your sister or friend likes. It also should be common sense to keep up with the pact that you came up with yourself. Yet, some people don’t have that much common sense.
A year or two later, after said pact was made, the OP’s best friend started flirting with her, and soon, they started moving to be more than friends. That was until the woman discovered that, on the side, he was also seeing her sister because he wanted to “keep his options open.”
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual picture)
What mostly gutted the woman was that her sister, who knew she liked this guy and made a pact not to date anyone the other one liked, didn’t care about any of this. This broke the woman’s trust in the sister she once got along with so well, and it broke her heart that the man she liked led her on. Since then, the OP hasn’t been in contact with any of them.
Later on, the woman’s estranged sister and ex-best friend (and kind of boyfriend) got married. They lived in a rental place for several years but got kicked out due to issues with their landlord. So, since they needed a place to stay until they could find something else, they turned to the woman. And they did that because the OP and her husband have a nice little house that they use as a vacation home.
Yet, the woman refused to accommodate them due to the way they treated her all those years ago. While her husband and other siblings thought this was a good decision, her parents didn’t, and, of course, her sister and her husband didn’t either and even called her the B-word.
So, the woman became today’s OP by asking Redditors what they thought — is she such a B-word to not shelter her estranged sister and her husband or not?
Well, people online surely didn’t think she should have been called that word in the first place. She just stood up to people who mistreated her so badly in the past and who after hearing a refusal went straight to insulting. Well, in netizens’ eyes, the OP is way better off without them in her life. And we have nothing else to add despite agreeing with this sentiment.
The woman refused to let them in, which majorly upset the couple, but many people in the woman’s life, as well as people online, understood where her decision came from
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I tend to err on the side of generosity and forgiveness (and I do mean err). In this case though, much as my instinct would actually be to agree to help, there are a couple of massive red flags that would make me drastically reconsider. First, the longstanding issues with the previous landlords - you can infer from that that as tenants, they were problematic. Second, the nature of why you became estranged - she steamrollered her way over a boundary, essentially. She will do the same again if she establishes tenancy in your holiday home. If I were in your position, as much as I would feel the right thing to do would be to help them out anyway, it's not sensible and is realistically asking for a world of pain in terms of damages, lost finances, and struggles to evict them. Take your feelings out of play and you still have very solid reasons not to help. And if your parents are guilt-tripping you, they can find and help fund a place for them - elsewhere.
I agree. Even if there hadn't been a boundary breeched there's no way I would let an estranged relative who has had repeated problems with landlords stay at my home unsupervised. They're going to trash it.
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When someone says no to a request, and the response is insults, gaslighting, yelling and a tanrum. That says all you need to hear to know WTA is and 100% confirmation no was the correct reply.
Exactly my thoughts. And getting the rest of the family to gang up on you when they could be helping themselves is the best way to go n/c
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I agree. Lights, cameras, to record any action on the part of those two ne'er-do-wells. I wouldn't put it past them to try and break in anyway. OP needs to go online for a Trespass Arrest Form, just in case.
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I wouldn't let the sister move in either, but damn that is a childish reason to not speak at all, particularly considering they're both married.
I think it's less about the reason and more about the selfishness and hypocrisy. Sometimes people betray your trust to such an extent, you can never look at them the same way again.
Load More Replies... Along with everything else, the fact they are homeless now due to "landlord" issues is a red flag to me.
Most likely, they: 1) Didn't pay the rent on time, if at all, 2) trashed the place and wouldn't pay for the damage, and/or 3) disturbed the neighbors, probably to the point where the police had to get involved. I'm surprised they didn't try to pull squatters' rights.
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Not saying she should let them live in their holiday home, nor that her feelings are invalid. But good lord, what a childish mess. To be hurt over that is understandable. To hold a grudge that is fatal to that relationship when she is happily married to another man seems insane to me. Sister is not conducting herself all that well, but there is another perspective here and they would both be a lot happier if they put aside their egos and talked.
Ryan-James O'Driscoll - It seems to me that when someone stands up for themselves, it's not childish, but mature. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. The sister and ex showed their true colors when they went behind her back and did what the did. And their response to her no just shows that they haven't changed one bit. Why would she put herself and her family through that c**p again? Happier? I think not! And ego has nothing to do with it, but sanity does.
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The initial drama could have been forgiven, but it was up to the other sister to take the steps to make amends. The fact that the other sister was willing to marry this guy after he started dating her sister "to keep his options open" means that she has issues. However, the sister, instead of trying to make amends, kept on doubling down on the claim that she and her husband did no wrong. So the OP owes her nothing, and definitely not a free house. It's a bad idea tp rent to family even in the best of relationships, but in this case, it would be a monumentally dumb thing to do.
She liked him so much she did nothing about it. *sad trombone noises* she owes no one anything, but she should probably get some therapy.
Need cameras at the vacation home. Might as well put up a "No Trespassing" sign too. Your sister doesn't seem too bright. They did this to themselves. First with each other, which alienated the family against her. Then with the landlord....my money is on them not paying rent or destruction of property. (No mention of job and vacation home location in regards to job(s)) If your parents want to help them, that's their choice.
Their parents didn’t step up or want to help. They set her up to be the bad guy so they don’t look bad. She doesn’t have a relationship with these people and it’s equivalent to a stranger asking to live in her husband and her holiday home.
While I can't stand this "you must never take the person your sibling / BF /whatevs is after" shyte -- what, are people supposed to miss the love of their life, just because their sibling had an eye on that person? - the behaviour of sister and family is reason enough not to budge. They couod have approached OP, apologise, and offer a proper rent
You will never see rent, and it will take years to get them to leave. Do not rent to family, extended or otherwise.
On these situations I try to ask myself, if that person were to die tomorrow, and this is where we left things,am I ok with that? Can I live with myself?
If I was the OP in this case the answer to that would be a clear “yes”. The sister massively betrayed her and instead of attempting to make it right, she once showed she’s still the same person as she was all those years ago.
Load More Replies... I tend to err on the side of generosity and forgiveness (and I do mean err). In this case though, much as my instinct would actually be to agree to help, there are a couple of massive red flags that would make me drastically reconsider. First, the longstanding issues with the previous landlords - you can infer from that that as tenants, they were problematic. Second, the nature of why you became estranged - she steamrollered her way over a boundary, essentially. She will do the same again if she establishes tenancy in your holiday home. If I were in your position, as much as I would feel the right thing to do would be to help them out anyway, it's not sensible and is realistically asking for a world of pain in terms of damages, lost finances, and struggles to evict them. Take your feelings out of play and you still have very solid reasons not to help. And if your parents are guilt-tripping you, they can find and help fund a place for them - elsewhere.
I agree. Even if there hadn't been a boundary breeched there's no way I would let an estranged relative who has had repeated problems with landlords stay at my home unsupervised. They're going to trash it.
Load More Replies... When someone says no to a request, and the response is insults, gaslighting, yelling and a tanrum. That says all you need to hear to know WTA is and 100% confirmation no was the correct reply.
Exactly my thoughts. And getting the rest of the family to gang up on you when they could be helping themselves is the best way to go n/c
Load More Replies... I agree. Lights, cameras, to record any action on the part of those two ne'er-do-wells. I wouldn't put it past them to try and break in anyway. OP needs to go online for a Trespass Arrest Form, just in case.
Load More Replies... I wouldn't let the sister move in either, but damn that is a childish reason to not speak at all, particularly considering they're both married.
I think it's less about the reason and more about the selfishness and hypocrisy. Sometimes people betray your trust to such an extent, you can never look at them the same way again.
Load More Replies... Along with everything else, the fact they are homeless now due to "landlord" issues is a red flag to me.
Most likely, they: 1) Didn't pay the rent on time, if at all, 2) trashed the place and wouldn't pay for the damage, and/or 3) disturbed the neighbors, probably to the point where the police had to get involved. I'm surprised they didn't try to pull squatters' rights.
Load More Replies... Not saying she should let them live in their holiday home, nor that her feelings are invalid. But good lord, what a childish mess. To be hurt over that is understandable. To hold a grudge that is fatal to that relationship when she is happily married to another man seems insane to me. Sister is not conducting herself all that well, but there is another perspective here and they would both be a lot happier if they put aside their egos and talked.
Ryan-James O'Driscoll - It seems to me that when someone stands up for themselves, it's not childish, but mature. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. The sister and ex showed their true colors when they went behind her back and did what the did. And their response to her no just shows that they haven't changed one bit. Why would she put herself and her family through that c**p again? Happier? I think not! And ego has nothing to do with it, but sanity does.
Load More Replies... The initial drama could have been forgiven, but it was up to the other sister to take the steps to make amends. The fact that the other sister was willing to marry this guy after he started dating her sister "to keep his options open" means that she has issues. However, the sister, instead of trying to make amends, kept on doubling down on the claim that she and her husband did no wrong. So the OP owes her nothing, and definitely not a free house. It's a bad idea tp rent to family even in the best of relationships, but in this case, it would be a monumentally dumb thing to do.
She liked him so much she did nothing about it. *sad trombone noises* she owes no one anything, but she should probably get some therapy.
Need cameras at the vacation home. Might as well put up a "No Trespassing" sign too. Your sister doesn't seem too bright. They did this to themselves. First with each other, which alienated the family against her. Then with the landlord....my money is on them not paying rent or destruction of property. (No mention of job and vacation home location in regards to job(s)) If your parents want to help them, that's their choice.
Their parents didn’t step up or want to help. They set her up to be the bad guy so they don’t look bad. She doesn’t have a relationship with these people and it’s equivalent to a stranger asking to live in her husband and her holiday home.
While I can't stand this "you must never take the person your sibling / BF /whatevs is after" shyte -- what, are people supposed to miss the love of their life, just because their sibling had an eye on that person? - the behaviour of sister and family is reason enough not to budge. They couod have approached OP, apologise, and offer a proper rent
You will never see rent, and it will take years to get them to leave. Do not rent to family, extended or otherwise.
On these situations I try to ask myself, if that person were to die tomorrow, and this is where we left things,am I ok with that? Can I live with myself?
If I was the OP in this case the answer to that would be a clear “yes”. The sister massively betrayed her and instead of attempting to make it right, she once showed she’s still the same person as she was all those years ago.
Load More Replies...
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