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79 Times People Popped The Question And Had To Put The Ring Back In Their Pocket In Embarrassment
Proposing to someone you love can be incredibly nerve-wracking. Even if you’ve been together for years, you’ll want the big day to go perfectly according to plan. Make sure they show up to the location at just the right time, hire a photographer who will be waiting on the sidelines, and if you’re proposing to a woman, you might want to sneakily ensure that her nails are on point.
But one thing that you should be confident about before getting down on one knee is that your partner will actually say yes. Otherwise, you might be in for an uncomfortable ride home. Redditors have been opening up about moments when they had to reject a loved one’s proposal, so we’ve gathered some of their juiciest stories below. Good luck getting through these tales without experiencing too much second-hand embarrassment, and be sure to upvote the ones that you find particularly painful!
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#1
No me, but my dad turned down my mom when she brought up marriage after 2 years of dating. Dad is ultra-conservative in his religious views, my mom is not. Thy have wildly differing views on many social issues. Dad loved her, but was reluctant to marry someone whom he knew he was spiritually incompatible. He was also concerned about how he would handle his medical residency since he had anecdotally heard that divorce rates are quite high for residents.
Two months later they broke up.
Both my mom and my dad were miserable. Dad lost a ton of weight due to depression. Mom says that she has never cried harder in her life. My aunt says that she has never seen my Dad (normally a very upbeat, positive man) so sullen.
Fast forward ten months, Mom reaches out to try to reconcile. Dad is reticent because he doesn't know if he could handle that kind of hurt again. Mom says, "I can't see the future and I can't promise that I won't hurt you, but I can promise that I will love you and do absolutely everything to make this work."
They were married 8 months later.
A year and a half later I come along.
To this day, the differences in their spirituality are a source of pain and strife. Both are fiercely spiritual, but they cannot see eye to eye on those issues. However, they make it work. They obviously love each other and are both profoundly *good* people. The amount of sacrifice and integrity they both have blows my mind. Not just for each other, but for everyone around them. Unconditionally.
If i become half the man of my father, I will be twice the man of most men.
For me, their relationship is proof that love and goodness are what can bind people together. It is a testimony that love is bigger than religion, bigger than politics, and bigger than all the petty little things that cause so many relationships to fail.
It isn't love alone, though. It is also the goodness of their character.
So yeah, my parents may have broken up after Dad turned down my mom's proposal but in the end it worked out pretty well. They will celebrate their 37th anniversary this December.
*TL;DR: Mom proposed. Dad said no. They broke up. Got back together later and lived happily ever after*.
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#2
3rd year of University. I made friends with an international student from Japan. I found out she was paying around $90,000 PER year. She said it would be easier to just get married. Then she asked me if we could get married and that she was willing to pay me $30,000. I laughed thinking it was a joke but it turned out to be a real proposal.
Lyone Fein 2 hours ago
I almost did this for an acquaintance in college. Word was going around that he might be forced to return to China after graduation. This was very bad news. Not only was he an edgy painter, but he was also gay. So in 1980s China he was looking at some serious concerns for his safety if he had to go back. So I told him that I’d marry him if he needed. Turned out that he got into a graduate art program, so the marriage thing wasn’t necessary at the time.
#3
She wanted kids and I didn't. She planned the entire wedding without my knowledge. Picked out a venue, a caterer, the rings that we would exchange, the invitations, the clothes that we would wear. All behind my back.
So, one night, she asked me to marry her and came clean about all the plans. I was shocked and felt betrayed. My answer was "I'm moving out. I hope you didn't make any deposits on all this stuff."
Crazy.
#4
I found out my ex was cheating on me and immediately broke it off with him.
The next day he showed up on my doorstep, in the snow crying. When I went outside he got on one knee and presented me with a heart shaped ring.
I went back inside and baked cookies. It was a great a decision, as I met my current boyfriend a few years later and he makes me truly happy.
#5
23 years ago, my ex boyfriend (who broke up with me after he found out I was pregnant and wouldn't have an abortion) came to meet his 6 week old daughter. He decided he really did want a family after all. I accepted his invitation to a local amusement park while my mother babysat our daughter. We went on the roller-coaster, and while we were at the top, just before it began its decent, he popped out a ring and the question. All the way down the first hill I screamed "NO WAAAAAAAAY!".
The End.
#6
I was 14. He was in his 20s. My parents pressured me to marry him because of finances and sponsorship for a greencard in the US. I was young and scared, but actually considered it. My parents were disappointed but okay when I said no. I waited until I was 21 and married the right man.
#7
It was the day of my 16th birthday (he was 19) and we were just waiting for the bus when he suddenly turned to me and asked if I was ready to get married. Like, pretty much immediately. His reasoning was that he really wanted to make sure he was married with kids on the way before he was 20 so he didn't "leave it too late", and because that his parents were married by his age... We'd been together a month.
I noped out immediately.
#8
I was with the guy for longer than I should have been, we lived together for most of it. He had little ambition and seemed to want nothing more than for things to remain exactly the same. He wanted me to work and take care of everything, and him to be able to play video games all day. The problem with that is, I was in a miserable job and unhappy with the status quo.
As things came to a head he spent more time with his only friend who constantly gave him bad advice. This same friend had a child for the sake of saving a marriage. Any ways he told him I just wanted a ring and a baby and I'd stop with all the fighting; Not encouraging communication or taking responsibility for his life.
He proposed, I said no. After all I don't believe marriage is a bandaid. He couldn't understand this. It was awkward, and he got mad and left. He wrote me plenty of nasty emails and texts afterwards about how it was all my fault, that I must have lied about how I felt for the whole relationship. He showed his true colors and I chose to not give them the time of day.
Meanwhile, I started to make better choices for myself to improve my own happiness, something I had sacrificed for too long. I found a new job, new house, spent more time with friends, more time on hobbies.
#9
There was an Indian family (my family is Caucasian) who lived up the street from us. Their son and I were not friends, but we would wave or smile at each other when walking home from school or simply walking by. Like I did with all my neighbors. Maybe he didn't know this. We never talked. Anyway, his parents came to my parents to ask for my hand in marriage, when I was 18. My dad, while furious, told them that it was my decision since I was an adult, but would do everything in his power to deter me. He must of thought we had something going on when we didn't. When I made it very clear that I was in no way interested, my dad made them leave and requested they leave me alone, including their son. They moved shortly after this, but I'm not sure that was related.
#10
[Toxic] ex bf hit me up after 3 years of no contact, out of the blue asked for a lunch date to talk . We met, had awkward small talk and after when I thought he was driving me home he took me back to our old high school football stadium (we would hang there when we dated) and he got down on his knee and begged for me back and then pulls out a ring and asks me to marry him as well. I apologized and politely declined. I’d had a miscarriage when we were together and he was absolutely terrible to me during. He told me it obviously wasn’t his because his “seed” would have been strong enough to survive and I was lying. Every time I look at his face I hear those words.
#11
He asked me in public, which he knew I hated the thought of. We had actually talked about wedding proposals a few weeks prior and I had made it clear that I would never say Yes to a proposal in public. He still felt it necessary to ask me at a concert of a band his friend was in. I said No. He didn't take it graciously, and I got a *lot* of hate from everyone who was literally around me. People were cussing me out for declining, without even knowing my name. I broke up with him shortly afterwards, because he didn't stop whining about me "embarrassing" him so.
#12
We had only been dating for about a month, he was pretty obsessive at first but I thought maybe it would just be a phase so I blew it off. One day, he brought me to a jewelers to get my ring size and I could pick out the ring. I also thought it was just a promise ring, no biggie, people do those kinda things early on as well. What got ME was when he bought it, took me to a park, got down on one knee and said “I love you baby...I knew I wanted to do this the moment we matched (unfortunately on Tinder)...you’re the love of my life. Now I can show everyone that I own you. Will you marry me?” He was gonna OWN me. Like a pet. I wanted to wring his neck for saying that. I don’t get offended easily but saying “owned” really pissed me off. I helped him up back to his feet tho and we walked back to his car that he was current living in, right down the street from my condo so he could “keep an eye on me”, and I told him I wasn’t going to marry him and that I thought it was best we should break up and move on. I didn’t feel comfortable having him drive me home so I took an Uber after that. Unfortunately, still being the obsessive guy he was, he tried with the coming to my condo every day with gifts and crying and just trying to make me feel bad and get back together. Then it got to him getting angry and threats. After about a month, he gave up. And I haven’t seen him since, it’s been a year now. Thank god.
#13
My mother had a sweetheart back in the 50s who got her name tattooed on his arm and *then* proposed. She turned him down. [cue sad trombone]
Last she heard, he had married someone with the same name as her.
#14
I caught my high school boyfriend cheating on me with multiple girls. His plan to salvage the relationship? Propose to me, as I’m sobbing, 10 minutes after stumbling across all the evidence. I said no.
#15
I met a Korean woman while in grad school in London. She was studying English. We were both 24 - which I understand to be a little old to still be single in Korean culture. We dated three months.
As the semester wound up and we were getting ready to go our separate ways, she dressed up incredibly beautifully one day - like wedding day hair - and she asked me if I would marry her. She offered to bring me to Korea where I wouldn't have to work. She would take care of me through her pharmacist career. She said I could spend my days playing golf.
I said I couldn't marry someone that I've only known for three months. She said that you know when you're in love and I had to admit I wasn't in love. She didn't take it too well.
We went our separate ways.
I felt like a terrible human being for breaking her heart. She emailed me a bunch over the next month while she traveled Europe, but stupid yahoo mail sent it to spam and I didn't see it for a while. When I finally responded she said she just wanted to be friends.
For years I would email her on her birthday but I never heard back.
Anyway, that's the story.
#16
A couple years ago a girl I used to know offered me 14K to marry her so she could stay in my country. She was pretty hot too.
I think she got sent back a year or two ago...
#17
My mom turned down a multi-millionaire because he had some genuinely weird habits. 30 years later and he still hasn't married. My mom was it for him.
#18
I was 18 and found a job at a fish and chip shop to earn me some money before I left home for university. My family had been customers there all my life and it had recently been bought by an Indian gentleman who owned a few such takeaways and installed his 20 year old nephew there as the manager.
So on my second shift me and the nephew (bobby) were just chatting during a lull and he asks if I have a boyfriend. As it happens I did, a long distance relationship with a guy in Germany. He asked why I hadn't married him. I gave the obvious reason, that we lived in two different countries. Bobby seemed to think this was no big issue and we should get married anyway. I laughed it off.
Then Bobby asked if I thought he could meet a wife here in England. Well sure I said, but how he asked. Well you'll just have to go out and meet someone I said. Then he asked if I'd marry him. I laughed again but he was being serious. I told him I was happily committed to my boyfriend and wouldn't marry someone I barely knew anyway.
Three shifts later I was let go. No reason given. I went back to hand in my uniform on what would have been my shift and there was already another, younger girl installed there. Caught her giving free food out to her friend and laughed. Whatever reason he had for replacing me he was stuck with a dishonest thief for staff now.
A few weeks pass and just before I moved away to university my folks asked me to run out and get a chip shop dinner so off I went. An older lady who worked there, had known me since I was a baby and had gotten me the job looked harassed. Turned out she was covering for the new girl who had called in sick. Then she tells me this is the third new girl they'd had since I was sacked. For some reason Bobby didn't like any of the girls they kept hiring. Guess none of them wanted to marry him either!
#19
Boyfriend of 2 years at the time. I was 18 and visiting him while he was stationed in another state. I thought he was joking when he told me we could go to the courthouse and get it done. When I laughed and said no he tried pitching all the benefits we would get. When I said no again he stormed out angrily and called me later drunk telling me I was a [jerk] for rejecting his marriage proposal. I broke up with him soon afterwards.
#20
A beautiful woman who I loved with all of my heart and I still think about her almost every day. She asked me to marry her but I was afraid and I said no. I still hear the way her voice broke when the word left my lips.
It’s my biggest regret in life, my whole life past my early 20s would be wildly different and probably for the better. I live each day with the choice I made.
She’s married now to a really great guy, they have two children and I talk to her once every several years. I’m in my mid-late thirties, single never married with a beautiful dog. I know my life isn’t over and in a lot of ways I’m in a really good place. That memory never goes away though. I know I made the wrong choice.
TLDR: Never give in to fear.
#21
It was really akward we had been dating a matter of weeks he said while we where out having a meal what would you do if I asked you to marry me. I replied why are you asking me that he proceeded to get down on one knee I quietly tell him to get up and no before too many people notice. I've never eaten food so fast to get out of there.
#22
I was in a relationship with a guy for 3 years. He always told me he didn't want children or to get married. This was fine for me at the time but I was honest with him and said eventually we will break up. So we continued on until it felt our relationship hit a wall. We were fighting constantly and it was just time to end it. We broke up mutually and were able to hang out until I started dating again. He asked to meet me to talk where he begged me to be with him. I said I'm sorry we both want different things you don't want to get married. He said ok let's get married then. I said but you don't want kids. He said ok we can have one for you. I had to explain to him this isn't going to work if you don't truly want them. He could grow to resent me for it.
He ended up married a year later and I'm truly happy that he found someone!
#23
A friend of mine was rejected when he proposed to his girlfriend. She was pregnant with his kid and she felt that he was only proposing because of the baby, not because of their relationship.
#24
My wife had passed away about two weeks before and I got a Facebook message from a woman I went to high school with telling me she has been waiting for me and is ready to move out of her parents house into mine. She also said she was ready to marry me and become my son's new mother.
As you can tell it was a total non-starter.
#25
My husband proposed to me.
Every single week for almost 2 years.
I had to keep saying no because gay marriage was not legal.
And then one beautiful day it was legal and I said yes very soon after.
#26
My now husband, kinda semi proposed/asked if I wanted to get married after we found out I was pregnant. My family is super Catholic and I think he was just trying to do what was "right". I said heck no, I wasn't getting married because of a baby, I'd get married when I wanted to. This October will be our 10 year anniversary.
#27
My current wife proposed to me, not so much down on one knee, but we were in Vegas for a while, and we had already talked about getting married (we had been dating for abou 4 years at that time, but I was still only 25). We were out and about one night and she had the bright idea we should get married that night. My literal response was, "[hell] no". She still brings it up to this day.
We broke up up a year later, and reconciled a year after that when I was finally able to come to terms with everything. Date for another year and a half and got engaged. Been married for around 3 years now. Things couldn't be better.
#28
I've been proposed to by two different people.
The first was on my 16th birthday. It was a stupid high school relationship, so I had no trouble just walking away from that one... in fact, it barely counts imho.
The second was a bit more complicated. My junior year of high school, I started dating one of the Chinese exchange students at our school. He was a tad clingy, but a very sweet guy just a year older (or so I thought; he was actually 23) than me who had already seen the world. That summer, I myself went to China to study and teach English on the western side of the country, and came to visit him in his city right before I was supposed to head back to the USA. When I arrived, he tearfully proposed with the biggest ring I had ever seen in my life.
I was shocked, and hastily blurted out how I would think about it (which he took as a yes even though I was starting to have second thoughts about our relationship in general). The next few days I was whisked across the city being shown off as the white trophy fiancée, much to my mortification. He and his parents gave me no space to raise any objections.
Finally I got him alone and ohhhh so awkwardly explained how I wasn't ready to get married, using my desire to go to college as an excuse. He then offered to purchase me a seat at the Chinese school that he would be attending (did I mention his dad was a billionaire?). I finally put my foot down... and he freaked out. He had been very accustomed to getting his way, and my refusal devastated him. He started making threats to jump off the balcony of his apartment (42nd story), report me for working off of my visa (oops), impound my passport, start rumors, etc. He even followed me to the airport and got on a plane back to the USA ostensibly to go to college here in a sudden change of plans.
For the next few months I got a few tearful messages on my phone begging me to be his girlfriend again and even a few snapshots of him harming himself or looking generally sad. I genuinely felt bad about it all, but didn't know what to do. He's doing quite well now, though, studying engineering in the US and dating another Chinese national.
Needless to say that put me off of dating for a while.
tl:dr missed out on the golddigging chance of a lifetime.
#29
Once upon a time, I had a friend named Dan. Dan was a habitual liar, a closet homosexual, and a chubby, myopic, narcissist.
Every single Summer after I turned 17, he would propose to me and I would refuse. The proposals varied in form and complexity, but they were always consistent in sincerity: *he actually meant it every single time*. I asked him a few times to explain why he kept proposing when he knew that I wouldn't say yes. He told me that he knew that I'd never accepted before, but that didn't mean that I would never say "yes" someday.
Dan eventually came out as gay to his friends and family, and I assumed that the proposals would stop. But, they didn't. Every Summer like clockwork, I'd get a call or a letter, or a visit in-person, and the proposal would come again. At that point, I asked him why he continued when he knew that I wasn't even the gender that he wanted. He told me that he thought that his feelings for me transcended gender, and that if I became his wife, it would "fix" his sexuality.
I wish that I could say that our friendship survived the mutual personality flaws, the irrational attachment and the constant disappointment of proposal-and-refusal, but it didn't. Dan's last proposal was in the Summer of 2008. He called me from the base he was stationed at, and asked me to marry him one last time. I thanked him, and told him that I'd always treasure him, but that I couldn't be his wife. He asked me if I was sure, and I promised him that I was certain. He then said that he was relieved, because he wanted to ask someone else to marry him, but he felt like he owed me one last opportunity.
He hasn't contacted me since.
#30
Why: I knew in my mind that we just weren't meant to be together long term. I loved her and enjoyed being with her, but for her it became all about the label and the ring. And pressure to do it soon. We were only like 20 years old. And she wanted to have children soon, something I was still very much on the fence about.
Aftermath: a lot of crying and asking why I didn't love her enough to marry her. We limped along for a while but things kept changing for the worse in the relationship. She then dropped on me that she wanted an open relationship so she could explore those feelings with that guy. I recognized it was the end, but agreed anyways. We broke up after that weekend. A few months later she wanted me back, so I tried because of how strongly I felt for her. It turns out that I had become used to not having to deal with her and I enjoyed it, so I broke it off with her a few months later.
#31
The first time I didn't think I was old enough. I was 21 and he was 22.
The second guy was sweet, but... I dunno; practically it didn't make sense. I had savings, and he was $200,000 in debt from his PHD. I had a good job, he was "between things at the moment." Etc...
In the end the guy I said yes to was perfect for me and I am glad I waited.
#32
I was proposed to in 2013. He took me into the mountains with a littke picnic of fruit and cheese, we looked at the stars and he brought a paper lantern to release. He didn't know you're supposed to do it over water so it can 1. actually fly and 2. Not land amongst the trees and start a forest fire. I had to tell him that it wouldn't work. Then he told me he wanted to spend his life with me and asked if I would marry him. I said no. Because I was 17 and we were both fresh out of high school and also, I didn't even know he even had a crush on me. He told me that "any two righteous people can be happy together with the blessing of the Lord, regardless of initial attraction". I said BIG no and called a friend to pick me up. Teenagers are crazy.
#33
I used to deliver pizza; I was the only female driver out of the 6 pizza shops in town. I delivered once a week to a disabled guy. Around week five, he finally tells me I'm very beautiful and asked me to marry him. I kind chuckled nervously and explained that I was already married. I had never hightailed it away from a customer so fast.
Two months later, we hired another female driver. He did the same thing to her, and she was also married.
#34
This guy once proposed to me on like, our second or third date. He was acting weird and I slowly realized what was going on. He pulled out a ring. In a bowling alley. I literally ran away. I have no idea what happened to him after that.
#35
My wife refused my first proposal......
We just got home from the bars and we were eating chicken wings in bed after [intimate] time. I got up to get a napkin and when I came back in I held out a flat wing that I had eaten everything I could of off of it and asked her to marry me with it. She laughs about it to this day.
#36
I was proposed to once at a pep rally in high school my sophomore year, by a rather strange boy that I started talking to three weeks prior. Turned out he had immense attachment issues and thought I was his soul mate. Threatened to [end his life] when I laughed it off as a joke. Was later committed and is now in jail.
Second proposal was from a college boyfriend, but I turned it down because he was about to move and had railed against long distance relationships for most of our relationship. He also applied Axe body spray in the exact manner the commercials do because he claimed it "Got him more [chicks]"
#37
Where I work has an abundance of homeless people and transient individuals, due to its proximity to the train tracks. About once a week this really old homeless dude asks me to marry him. And for last twelve months he's been doing this. About two weeks ago after I shut him down, he responded, "Will you ever say yes?" And I thoughtfully replied, "Probably not."
I saw him last Wednesday and he didn't propose. :( I was sad because up to this point it felt like a joking ritual each week. Now I worry that I actually broke his heart...
#38
My first boyfriend proposed, I was 18, he was 28. We had only been dating for a month or so when he asked. I was really surprised and said yes but then after thinking about it for a few weeks, I told him I couldn't do and we broke up. I just wasn't ready to get married and we really didn't know each other that well.
#39
I was in my first year of college and a guy friend from Brazil got a reckless driving charge for going 30 mph over the speed limit. He proposed to me because his lawyer said it would be a good move. I considered it, but once I figured out that helping him to stay in the country would be considered a felony I Noped the f**k outta that situation.
#40
I was 14 and pregnant. I think it was a pretty legit decision to say no and give the baby up.
The [jerk] then moved to Scotland and I never heard from him again.
I'm sure he would've made a perfect husband.
#41
My then boyfriend and I had been together for more than a year, when his job needed to relocate him to a small town in another state. He didn't want to go badly, but he was on an employment visa and couldn't loose his job if he wanted to stay in the US. He was looking into his options for weeks, I was sad to think he might have to move. I wasn't at the stage emotionally or in life where I could have moved for him.
Anyhow. One day he pulls out this little box in the parking lot of his apartment, and asks if we can get married. I was sort of stunned, but then he followed it up with "because we have a really good thing going, and I'd hate to see it get messed up by long distance". He cared, but he also needed to marry a US citizen to stay in the city that he wanted.
I said no. We did long distance and it fell apart. He ended up losing his job anyway and being deported.
TL;DR. Boyfriend proposes in a parking lot, tries to hedge around the fact that he had visa issues and needed a green card, ends up deported anyway.
#42
I became friends with a very attractive girl from Turkey over the internet. We would skype and such. She wanted me to marry her so she could move to the U.S. At that point in my life I was broke and a student, so it just didn't make sense to do it. She basically said, "I will be a good wife. Make you food." I also would rather not marry someone who tells me they will be a "good wife," it is not the 1950s.
#43
An ex once proposed as a last resort to hold on to me when I was breaking up with him. I tried not to laugh (he seemed hurt enough), but I did say something along the lines of, "seriously? I'm breaking up with you and you think that proposing will make me stay?" Apparently he did.
#44
I was 21- I met him in the waiting room of a psychiatrist’s office- I was coming down off a long psychotic episode so was happy to cling to anything.
We were together 1 month when he proposed. Thankfully girlfriends came and got all of my excess junk (clothes, straighteners, etc) from his house and I never spoke to him again.
It was a weird and intense time.
#45
I was 16, he was 19. He did it at our high school graduation knowing I didn't like to be the center of attention. Oh and we we're only dating for 4ish months. It wasn't really him, I just wasn't ready for marriage and he decided if I didn't say yes we weren't staying together.
#46
My boyfriend and I were once in the awkward situation of being simultaneously homeless AND planning a trip to study abroad. But that's a whole other story.
While in china, we took a day trip to "the summer palace" where my boyfriend proposed in Irish (I have Irish heritage). I burst into tears (the bad kind) and sobbed out a "no!". It was made worse because he had hidden the ring (Irish made) the entire trip until then and told everyone he was going to ask.
We had just had a long talk the night before about not getting married on the account of when we got home there would be no place for us to live and we couldn't really plan a wedding. I guess he figured he had already come this far and asked anyway.
I also caught him with the ring one other time and told him it still wasn't the right time.
5 years later we are very happily married, have a son, and own 3 houses
Tl;Dr I said sobbed no, he wasn't discouraged. Turned out good in the end.
#47
I refused two proposals. Both men knew it was over and hoped the proposal would somehow win me back. It did not. Sure I didn't want to date you anymore, but now there is jewelry so I will commit my life to you forever.
#48
The first time: We were both 19. I was planning on spending a summer in New Zealand, but he reeeeally wanted me to stay and go on a trip with him instead. I debated for two weeks and finally chose to stay. He asked to borrow a few hundred and proposed a couple months later. I actually said yes at first, because I loved him and figured we'd be together forever, so why not. The second I had a ring on my finger my mind completely changed. I realized he wasnt who I tried to convince myself he was. I didn't wanna give up so I said lets get through college. But we were on two completely separate paths so I called it off for good.
Person number two: he was just crazy. He proposed as a last resort to save the relationship. Nononononono.
*Edit. My only regret in life so far is that I didn't go to New Zealand.
#49
We stayed together another 2 years.
We were "that" couple, the one people liked to see together and we were madly in love. We were 29, had been together about 2 years and had been talking about marriage for one year. We were supposed to move in together in April 2011, and talked about low-key engagement that summer, and low-key marriage that fall, had a destination wedding planned.
We had a trip planned in February of that year, and he decided to surprise me by proposing on the vacation. He told EVERYONE before the trip that we were getting engaged. He went and asked my dad's permission. Our families, all our friends, coworkers, I mean, EVERYONE. I guess I don't blame him, the way we had been talking, it was a sure thing.
On the way to the restaurant, my hand brushed along his pants and I felt something square in his pocket. I knew immediately what it was. When he was a little in front of me I could see the outline of the box.
I remember the feeling of everything spinning out of control; thinking, this isn't right, it isn't time, it's too early. We can't get engaged here at this restaurant. I feel like I can specifically hear my subconcious screaming at me, "This isn't right!" I distinctly remember that I did not specifically say "Yes." But I did hug and kiss him and put the ring on. I cried because I loved him so much. I really did look and act happy.
When we were heading to bed that night, we talked about how he kept it a secret from me to plan. Hearing it all upset me so much, I guess I felt trapped that all these people knew before me.
He fell asleep and I dozed off but couldn't sleep. I was a wreck, knots in my stomach. I sat out of the balcony chair the rest of the night. Not a wink of sleep. I didn't wear the ring. I feel like I had ruined my own engagement. I felt horribly depressed. I had no idea how to keep up the facade of happiness.
This happened the first night of the vacation, so I was freaking out how to maintain the facade the rest of the trip. When he woke up that morning, he came out to find me on the balcony, just staring into space. He had a look of anxiety, noticed no ring, and tried to pass it off as joking, "Not having second thoughts, are you?"
Well from there it snowballed. He was dumbfounded. We had a ton of heavy discussions, fought a little bit. He had ideas like, "we can get a different ring, if that's it." "we can go back home and just be boyfriend and girlfriend yet." "we don't have to get married this fall, and just have a long engagement"
Getting back home, I tried to play the part of the happy fiance. It didn't last a week. And then it turned out everyone was going on our FBs and writing us congratulations, which attracted even more attention. I didn't see any of this because I wasn't using FB or my phone while out of the country. I was living with my mom (as it was still a few months before we moved in), got home from the airport, walked in the house and said, "Hi mom. I'm home from my trip and I'm engaged" in a completely monotone voice.
My mom proceeded to make my life a living hell (right up until I moved out) - constantly badgering me wedding questions and plans. Not only could I NOT get excited, but I did not even WANT to discuss it.
We returned the ring about 2 weeks later. When people would ask about it, he'd tell them, "She thought it was too big, so we're getting it changed," meaning the stone.
We moved in together as planned. I was so crazy in love with him. We lived together for about a year but we never talked about getting married again. Maybe 2 or 3 references ever.
Then I found out he was incessantly texting his exGF. I mean like, 10 hours a day, timestamps on the cell bills showed every minute. I honestly can't figure out how how the [hell] either one of them got any s**t done with the amount of texting that went down. He cut off contact with her. We fought, and he had become emotionally and physically [toxic] with me after I found out about the exGF. We stayed together about 9 more months after I found out, and finally broke up. Things had just became a downward spiral.
It turned out she wasn't the only one. The exGF was just an emotional affair. After we broke up, I found out that there were others.
I guess my subconsious knew somehow that he wasn't the one for me, as much as I loved him and believed he was the one for me. It's been two years since I left him, and it STILL hurts. He's married with a kid now, which is bizarre.
#50
Took 6 years of asking for me to agree.
He ended up leaving after finding and sleeping with another woman a week before the wedding.
Dodged that bullet.
#51
Not me, but my wife.
While she was at BCT for the National Guard, (before we were married, but we had been dating about 5 years at that point) a guy with a very thick accent told her that he needed to speak to her father. Well, she has not had contact with her father since sometime early in high school (hell, I've never met him, never plan to either) and she told this guy such. He then went on and said that he must speak to her father. Eventually it comes out that he wants to speak to her father about her dowry. Something about his father has many cattle and he could provide for her very well. I think she told him something about how that's not how things are done in the US, her father had no say in who she married, and she was happily dating someone. Dude backed off and apparently was otherwise pleasant for the rest of the time there, just a monstrous amount of culture shock. I still laugh about it every time I remember her telling me about it.
#52
A girl asked to marry me in 3rd grade. I said no, I don't have time for marriage, I need to play with my friends.
She said OK. I went on to play with my friends.
All things considered, I think that went well.
#53
There was a weird guy who worked at a thrift store where a friend of mine worked when we were in high school; he was in his early 20s. I was about 16 when this happened; I became friends with a few members of the staff and he was a part of that group. He was always weird and kinda creepy but we had similar tastes in music and hung out with some of the same people. Teenage priorities. He was pretty upfront about finding me attractive from the get-go although I made it clear I wasn't into him in that way. Because I was so young and inexperienced with these things and pretty live-and-let-live I didn't see any reason to not be nice.
I agreed to go over to his apartment one time while [[assing] time waiting for another friend to get home from her job so we could hang out. I thought we'd drink some beer and listen to music. He kept complimenting me and talking about how "perfect" I was. I cut the visit short because it wasn't sitting well with me.
The next time we hung out he tried to convince me to run off right then and there and elope with him. I thought he was joking at first. He wouldn't come off of it and then I realized he was actually serious. He had this weird intensity that was extremely off-putting. I left immediately when I realized he was actually serious and managed to never see him again. It's been 20ish years and I still feel gross typing this out. Was he actually joking? I hope so but jfc that was awkward.
#54
High school bf had dumped me after two years, revealing that he had never truly loved me. I went to college, and we still had occasional contact over my first semester. When I came home for Christmas break, he asked me to give him a ride home from where we had been with a group of friends, telling me he needed to ask me something. In my car in front if his apartment, he told me that he didn't want an answer right then, to go home and pray about it, but God told him to ask me to marry him. I went home and went to sleep instead, then told him no thank you the next day. He seemed disappointed but totally unsurprised.
#55
My ex asked me to marry him, and I had to turn him down.
My reason? I was 13 at the time...
#56
Friend's mom intended to take the last name of whomever she married. Guy w/ the last name McLellen proposed to her so she said no simply because she could never stand to be called Ellen McLellen.
(There were other reasons, that's just the joke she liked to tell us about it).
#57
My mom turned down my dad’s original proposal.
My parents had been dating for roughly three months when they got pregnant with me. They had moved in together and things had been going well. My mom was making dinner and my dad was on his knees fixing the kitchen door and out of nowhere he asks her to marry him. She thinks he’s kidding and tells him he can’t be serious. His exact line was “well I’m already on my knees.” He had married before but had been separated from his ex wife for a number of years, but they were still technically married. So my mom told him he needed to get that figured out and propose in not such a dopey way.
#58
**TL;DR:** ex-girlfriend was in the military, went a little cuckoo and eventually proposed causing me to refuse and end our relationship.
Ex-girlfriend of mine was in the military. In short after a few tours in Afghanistan immersed in active combat she was diagnosed with PTSD and was receiving treatment for it. We were working through it as a team and all was good. It was obviously hard at times but we had a good system in place to help deal with it and had awesome communication.
Then rumours begin circulating of her platoon being deployed again. Boom. Suddenly she was given a clean bill of health and cleared to go. She had no issues with it, she wanted to go back, so we talked about it she explained it was mainly due to the adrenaline rush active combat provides. There’s no comparison. Cue us trying to organise our lives with her impending tour and attempting to build a future together for when she returns.
Her behaviour became more and more erratic before she left, she admitted to me that she often pushed her car to 100mph on the motorway and slipped in and out of unlikely spaces in traffic. I was understandably concerned, not only for her but for the general public. Do they deserve to die because you want your adrenaline fix? She was clearly unwell and not fit for active duty (in my eyes, but what the hell do I know?) and discussions about this subsequently created a lot of tension between us.
She left as scheduled and we kept in touch as much as possible through Facebook, Blueys and Skype as we had done in the past. A few weeks in she starts putting up cryptic statuses online about how she’s ‘handed in her papers’ and is leaving the Army. I call her up to question her on what’s happening and the answer is either “I didn’t write that” or some version of “I didn’t mean it that way”. The statuses were invariably deleted afterwards. She also began lying to me about things quite blatantly, when I confronted her about it she again told me it never happened. In hindsight it’s absolutely possible she didn’t remember saying certain things due to the untreated PTSD. It was pretty confusing and only got worse when she started to accuse me of ‘holding back’ her military career. Her reasoning behind this notion was due to the fact I wouldn’t agree to move onto base with her and essentially be a stay-at-home nothing. We clearly had different ideas of what our future was going to be and it became obvious to me that she needed some sort of professional psychiatric help.
I tried, I really did. But there’s only so much screaming one person can take whilst suggesting things that might help and having them rejected every time. She came home on leave for a few days, booked us into a fancy hotel and pulled out an engagement ring. Based on our differing viewpoints and seeing no way to reconcile them I said no, and it was honestly heart breaking. My answer caused the end of our relationship. She was devastated and so was I, we didn’t talk for many years.
She eventually left the military, got help and now works a very good civilian job. We still talk sometimes and I’m so glad to see her life as it is now. She deserves her happiness.
#59
Worked at GAME when i was about 18. This one dude would roam the store for hours at a time. I thought he was just [passing] time, so i didnt mind it too much. I did end up talking to him, and he would then for a few weeks walk past my workplace to see if i was in/or busy, and if i was all free he would drop in to talk with me. Eventually in the middle of a random conversation about pokemon or something he just asks me if i want to marry him. Still not completely sure if he was serious or not, because of how awkward he made it. If it was meant as a joke there was no chance to understand that it was. Laughed and said sorry have a boyfriend, and he didnt show up anymore.
#60
Alrighty then, I was new to US. 26 years old, in grad school. In a small town in Texas. Knew a small community of my minority group. They wanted to help me out. I got to know them. One of them was the head of a pretty rich family. He offered me a quick way out of my problems, which is marrying his 18 year old niece. Under immigration laws, I would get green card and eventually citizenship. Not only that, I was offered a job in the family business, which is some law firm in New York City.
I denied the offer. But,I always wonder what if I didn't. I have no regrets, but my life would have been way easier.
#61
When I was 19 I used to work at a lake selling worms for fishing, giving kayaking lessons, and doing basic park ranger business. Most of the time I’d go in at 6am and work until 3 or so. Alone for most of that time.
There was a man that was in his mid-30s that came to the lake everyday at 6am to buy worms. He was a quiet, large man. He wore dirty overalls and no shirt underneath. I’m certain he worked on a farm as his hands were worn down and he smelled much like a barn does on a hot day.
Anyway I didn’t know if he did because all he would say was, “worms” then go out to his boat.
Everyday, 6am: “worms”. I sell him
Worms. He leaves. That’s it.
One day he shows up with a shirt on and his hair combed- an hour late.
I go immediately without him asking to get his worms from the back.
I return and he is on his one knee, has a ring in his hand, and says, “will you be my wife?”
I look at him and say, “oh that’s very nice!” I thought he was like...practicing his proposal for his girlfriend. I don’t know why but that’s where my head went because the reality was too unrealistic and confusing.
He looked at me and had a smile on his face and I instantly realized what he meant and I had to backtrack.
I said, “oh. Oh no I can’t do that. I’m in a relationship! This is..it’s very nice of you.”
The he put it in his pocket, took the worms, and left.
He came back everyday after that at 6am and never brought it up.
It kind of crushes me to think about it. I feel bad for him.
#62
Got a green-card proposal, turned it down.
Another guy I went with asked me to marry him on our first date. I told him he was nuts. We ended up getting married anyway, it's been 22 years now. He's still nuts ;-)
#63
I turned down one because I was 19, the guy was drunk, and we hadn't been dating that long. Also, what he said was: "I want to marry you and make you have, like, 10,000 of my babies. What do you think?" I thought we should break up. Apparently, this worked on the girl after me, though. He married her after about a month and they only have 9,999 babies to go.
#64
Some guy I didn't know asked me to marry him on skype in broken English. I politely declined and then blocked him.
#65
My mother has turned down multiple marriage proposals. She says that she loved them, but she couldn't see herself marrying any of them. When she had dreams of her wedding day the man was still faceless, and that she knew they weren't right. Then her reaction when my father proposed to her randomly in a hotel bathroom was to run screaming down the hallway (he didn't know he was going to do it. Just looked at her and decided he wanted to be with her forever). Love is funny. They've been married 26 years.
#66
I once accepted a proposal. The following day I developed an eye twitch. It continued for about a week. Then I broke off the engagement and the eye twitch went away!
#67
I was dating this girl a year ago. She was great but ya know i didn't feel she was the one i could grow old with. Then one day she had this whole thing planned, it was my birthday and she threw a surprise party. Which she also proposed to me at the end of it. Every one went quiet, then i took her hand went into the bedroom and told her no. Then she ran out crying, it was sad.
#68
We were dating for about 3 months. I guess he got the feeling that I was going to break up with him so he got desperate and proposed. Thank god it was in the privacy of my bedroom. I didn't tell anyone about it. I said no of course, and broke up with him a week later. He was pretty overbearing.
#69
I had an (I thought) platonic friend ask me to marry him my freshmen year of college when he was comforting me over a breakup with the guy I'd been seeing. I turned it down because I didn't see him that way, we hadn't been dating, and for me, his asking at all in those circumstances (crying my eyes out over having been dumped by the guy I loved at the time) showed that he wasn't as concerned with my feelings and what I'd want as a partner should be.
#70
I was 15. That's probably as much as you need to know, but this is askreddit so story time.
I met this guy on a metal forum on nexopia. We hit it off pretty well and started dating and then met in person. He wanted to get together every day. At first, this was nice. 1 month in he wrote me a poem and got me flowers. Kind of sweet, but that's when I started getting kind of uncomfortable.
Then he started getting upset about my friends and would call all the time to make sure I wasn't with them.
By 3 months in he was the only person I saw other than my sister and my mom for brief periods (she was working 2 jobs). And then he asked me to marry him.
Did I mention he was 18?
I said no and said I needed some time apart. So he kept calling every day to tell me how he loves me. Then I broke up with him and he said his friend has a machete and he's thinking of going to get it. I don't know if he was threatening me, or threatening to hurt himself, or someone else. I didn't really want to know. I had wanted to live with my dad for a while anyways so I just moved across the country.
#71
I did - I actually had to say no to two guys.
The first time: I was 19, and he was 21. We had been dating for 3 years and he and I had moved to a new city together so I could attend university. This was year 2 of us in the new city, he was miserable. He had left all of his friends behind and wasn't having much luck making new ones. He was creative and loved playing music, but had stopped practicing or enjoying himself in any way. I kept encouraging him to get out there and do his thing, but he was clearly just having a bad time. He worked in a warehouse where the hours were atrocious and there were no jobs relevant to his diploma in the city so he plugged away doing his thing, trying to not let on how depressed he was. But I could see it. I knew him, he wasn't himself. He proposed and I broke up with him and encouraged him to move back or find somewhere else to go so he could be happy. So he did, and his life was much better. I eventually moved to the same city as him after I finished my master's. We did get back together a few years later, but did not end up together.
The second guy:
I didn't love but I liked him, and we had some fun together. I made it pretty clear that I didn't want anything serious. He kept on trying to escalate our relationship and I kept on trying to scale it back. In retrospect, I should have just left him sooner. He was incredibly jealous of the ex I mentioned above because he knew us both when we were all in highschool and would get drunk and say he knew 'I would never love him like I loved X'. He put together an elaborate proposal on a private island after we had been seeing each other about 6 months and it was incredibly awkward, but I had to say no. His friend who lives on the island literally had to boat back to get me because he had an anger fit when I said no. The proposal was completely out of place and he pursued me savagely even after I broke things off. Eventually got a restraining order - yay.
#72
We had been dating for five years, after getting together right at the end of college. We wound up having a “where is this relationship going” conversation that ended with him casually proposing. I told him maybe, and that I needed to think about it. I had conflicting feelings about marrying him and it felt wrong to say yes if my answer wasn’t wholeheartedly YES. It took me a few months to realize the answer was “no”.
By that time, he was also expressing dissatisfaction. He never said it was because I was hesitating so much, but I wonder how I would feel if my partner was that uncertain after five years together. We tried making it work, even so. We discussed what we wanted out of the other person, what we wanted them to change. I asked him to be less pretentious. He asked me to lose weight.
Eventually he told me he wanted to sleep with other people. I told him to go for it. And that was it.
Though the question is the reasoning behind the no. There was no one big reason. Just lots and lots of little and medium sized ones that finally had to be reckoned. And sure, it’s easy to look back and demonize an ex or forget our own shortcomings. I definitely had my short comings in that relationship. He had his. It didn’t work out, but we both learned a lot.
#73
My first Boyfriend asked me to marry him when we were both 22 and were just fresh out of undergrad. At that point it wasn't legal and wouldn't be for awhile, but he wanted me to wear his ring and basically be married in everything but the eyes of the law. We had been together and monogamous for three years (which is like a decade in gay years) and he had supported me in coming out and gone through hell with me and the crazy brainwashing I dealt with as a kid. He meant the world to me.
Despite all this, I couldn't say yes. I knew I should've wanted to say yes right away. I knew it would've been the thing that was expected of me, but I couldn't. Part of it terrified me, I'm not gonna lie; when you're told your whole life you're going to hell for liking guys, and your family abandons you for it, the thought of wearing someone's ring as a sign you belong to another man is scary.
I told him I'd think about it, and explained that it was a scary, strange thing for me, and I needed to sort through my feelings. He said it was okay, but was clearly pissed. In the following two months he became really petty and almost bitter. We ended up having this huge blowout fight, wherein he basically accused me of wasting his time when he could've been out partying and hooking up with randoms and he needed to know because he didn't see the point of continuing if I wasn't going to marry him. I told him no, and moved out.
I'm married to someone else now (who is actually an ex of that ex, oops?) When my husband asked me to marry him, it felt *right* and I immediately said yes. There was no hesitation. I didn't have that with him, and I don't think I ever would've gotten to that point with him. He was super important to me and helped me realize who I was as a man, but he was never going to be the end all be all for me.
#74
Lol my girlfriend did it to me 2 years ago ...
i had been planning on asking her to marry me for a few months but wanted to have an amazing night and time doing it so i saved up money, bought the ring and then spent 500 quid on a 5 star hotel on the south bank in london along our favourite walk. everything was set, i had a dinner booked and planned on proposing to her at our favourite spot along the walk. the whole night was gunna be a lovely surprise for her and i was gunna pack her bag and makeup whilst she was at work, pick her up and take her right to london.
i was very excited at the prospect of getting engaged to the woman i love and figured it was a certainty she'd say yes. we'd talked a bit about marriage, kids and our future together etc and it all pointed to us getting engaged, she even showed me the kind of ring she liked!
so a week before i was due to surprise her i brought up getting engaged and all of a sudden she was like "oh noo noo not yet, i want to marry you one day but i'm not ready to get engaged just yet". i was a bit miffed at it, she couldn't put 2 and 2 together and just dropped the whole thing. so there we have it, a day before our trip i tlld her i had a surprise and took her to london for the night. she thought it was just a nice gesture and didn't even suspect i planned on proposing to her lol.
whole thing cost me like 900 quid altogether just for a funny story!
we did get engaged a few months later in a far less expensive proposal in our living room on christmas day and are getting married next year so it has a happy yet frustratingly expensive ending though!
#75
I was working in retail in the US. A customer saw my common French name on my nametag. He grabbed my hand and said "you are French! And beautiful! You need to come back to my country with me and marry me!" I declined. He stood there declaring his love for me until his friends dragged him away. Sorry to disappoint, dude, but I'm actually not French in any way my mom just picked it out of a baby book.
#76
One night while I was in college an ex-boyfriend called me up drunk at 4AM to propose. After unsuccessfully trying to end the conversation, I had to tell him, "No, I won't marry you." Instead of getting sad, he got extremely angry. I believe his words were, "Fine. I don't want to marry you anyway. You're an ugly troll who should live under a bridge. No one is going to marry you." Then he hung up. Needless to say, he was quite embarrassed when I called him the next day.
#77
I said no once I was young because we didn't want the same things in life and I couldn't see it going anywhere positive in the long term. Yes, we loved each other, but there was nothing other than that holding the relationship together. It was not a public proposal and we broke up after that, but remained friends.
Many years later, the man who is now my husband and I each decided independently that we intended to get married to each other on our second date. He asked me to marry him a month later and I said it hadn't really been long enough because the idea of being married that quickly scared the [hell] out of me, not to mention that I had not previously believed in simply knowing on date two that you had met your match. I was in my late twenties, I'd just gotten a promotion I was thrilled about and he was a single father. Getting married would change just about everything about my life. I knew I wanted to marry him, but I needed to *think* about that before committing to it. He said okay, that made plenty of sense.
And asked me again four months in. I said I'd love to but looking at what we'd have to do at that point to make that work given what else was going on financially that year, I wasn't sure how he could pay for it. He said that was an excellent point.
At six months, he asked me again, with a well thought out plan for how we could afford it. I gave up and asked him where my ring was.
He had not only found a jeweler that could locate the really weird cut of diamond that I'd always lusted after in solitaire quality (there were a total of three stones that fit the bill at the time in our entire state), he had reserved a time for me to go in and talk with the jeweler and be able to custom design my own engagement ring using the rock of my dreams.
We're coming up on anniversary/adoptiversary number six later this month. :).
#78
21 during an exchange program, and I was studying to be an engineer. He was 18, looking to join the US army.
I’d have to drop college to be alone in a country I didn’t know, and to be with someone I didn’t know well... (the proposal was a plan for me to stay).
Had to say no, and didn’t work out with the distance :/.
#79
Not me, but my cousin said no to her boyfriend at the time... three times. They were young so it was understandable that she was afraid of the commitment, but dang was he a tenacious bugger. He asked on four separate occasions, each about a year apart (they were high school sweethearts) and she finally said yes just a couple months before college graduation. I think she felt more confident about him and where she was at in her life at that time. Plus once college is done marriage becomes infinitely more realistic for a lot of people.
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