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35 Red Flags Men Instantly Notice That Most Women Don’t Realize They’re Showing
In relationships, red flags are warning signs that point to unhealthy or toxic behavior that may indicate a potential partner isn’t right for you.
However, they aren’t always obvious, as feelings can cloud our judgment, putting rose-colored glasses on us.
Luckily, people online have been sharing the red flags they think others should look out for in hopes of helping them avoid unhealthy relationships with the wrong people.
Below, you’ll find the ones men mostly attribute to women; they’re signs everyone should look for in potential partners, regardless of gender.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Playing hard to get or other little games. If she’s interested too, she should be a mature person and pursue the mutual interest with equal effort.
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#2
The whole being too good for a simple date. I never met the girl and suggested a coffee date. She felt I wasn’t putting in enough effort because she’s too good for that to be a first date. She wanted me to take her to a nice Italian restaurant. I would totally have taken her to a nice restaurant on a later date. First date needs to be casual and easy to escape.
#3
The mentality of "I'm never the problem, everyone else has issues".
Just let's my brain know to move along. .
Colleen Glim 5 months ago
What’s that saying about if everyone around you is an a*****e, maybe you’re the problem?
“A red flag is behaviour that indicates that a (potential) partner may not be right for you. This could include anything from dishonesty to manipulative tendencies. For example, if someone constantly talks about an ex-partner on the first date, it might indicate that they’re not emotionally available," said psychologist Judith Klenter to OpenUp.
Even though red flags aren't the same for everyone, there are some universal ones that shouldn't be ignored by anyone.
"There are some universal red flags—things like violent behaviour, excessive jealousy, controlling tendencies, or any actions that indicate manipulation or emotional abuse. These are behaviours that should always be taken seriously," Klenter explained.
#4
Attention seeking. Looking around constantly to see if other people notice them, talking louder than the environment to draw attention, this weird fake "notice me energy", I don't even know how to put it into words but I can feel it from a hundred feet away already. Really bad vibrations.
#5
When women make things beyond difficult for waiters and waitresses. This is a HUGE red flag, especially if the wait staff is doing everything right or to the best of their abilities.
Colleen Glim 5 months ago
This is a huge red flag for anyone. Male, female, or otherwise. If you treat customer service workers like sh*t, you aren’t worth my time
#6
Cant put down their phones.
Red flags are quite fluid, as what one may consider a dealbreaker might not be an issue for someone else. Also, some warning signs can be present from the beginning, while others develop over time.
“Relationships are constantly changing, because people are constantly changing. In relationships that end in abuse, it is often the case that this only happens at a later stage in the relationship and not during the so-called honeymoon phase," Klenter added.
#7
One date, many years ago I spent a whole evening with a girl and payed for everything.
We talked for hours. Or, she did.
When she wanted another date I said sure, if you could tell me my name.
There was no other date.
#8
Constantly talking about how “all their exes were crazy.”.
#9
"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."
It's not only a bad implication, its also a weirdly confrontational thing to say before anyone has even said "hello.".
Spotting red flags is important, as they can help you avoid unhealthy relationships and protect your emotional well-being. If certain (potential) partners' behaviors make you feel guilty, drained, or uncomfortable, they should be taken seriously and inspected further.
“If you notice a negative trait, it is good to reflect on whether or not this is a red flag," said Klenter.
"Check whether this behaviour has happened more often without you noticing it. Discuss it with your friends or someone you trust to gain some more clarity on the situation."
This can be especially useful, as someone outside the relationship can spot the red flag better than you can.
#10
If a woman has no other topic to talk about than other people (especially their exes or women they lost them to) it's a flag so red you could calibrate colour pickers on it.
Riley Quinn 5 months ago
I'm all for trickling anecdotes about my past early into a relationship, but anyone who remains stuck in the past is a no-go for me.
#11
Not offering to pay for anything. I always expect to pay for dates and rarely would let a date pay for anything but the expectation that they’ll pay for nothing ever is a red flag.
One of my favorite memories of my wife and I while dating was when we wanted to go out on a date but I didn’t have any money as it was between pay days. She smiled and said she’d gladly take me out and pay.
That was the best pizza I had ever had.
That was 14 years ago and to this day she’s still a kind and sweet person that is always willing to
Meet you where you are and go together thru anything.
Nota Robot 5 months ago (edited)
For the first few dates, I go Dutch. No pressure, no inflated expectations while we both test the waters. I am a guy, *actually* Dutch. A woman I was close to once told me that there is no such thing as a free lunch. I always took that to heart.
#12
Not being interested in their date.. not asking questions and not caring about anything.
Joyce Brown 5 months ago
This is about red flags men see about women. Can we please just listen to what they have to say without going the 'guys do this too' route??
#13
When a woman will totally disregard their kids in order to completely focus on you.
Johnnynatfan 5 months ago
I dated a woman who did that and broke up with her after a few months because I did not want to be a part of that nonsense.
#14
IGing everything. It screams projection and needing validation from people who don't matter.
DennyS (denzoren) 5 months ago
If you have to IG everything, then we're definitely not gonna get along.
#15
**-The use of therapy language to disguise lack of emotional depth**
Accurately and precisely discerning your emotions and thoughts is a good skill, cleverly embellishing behaviours and feelings with social-media-hip-psychology less so, and really just comes off as you not 'actually' doing personal work.
**-Bodyshaming**
Being obsessed with bringing other people down over how they look, especially when it's things they can't control. Seeing women do this to guys is low, seeing women do it to OTHER women? Even lower.
**-Berating/making fun of their partner in front of people**
No idea why this is so common. It's not cute or funny, and just makes you look like you hate each other behind closed doors.
#17
Clear lacking of emotional regulation. Huge red flag IMO. For instance…
1) Seems to always externalize their own needs rather than self-soothe. It’s okay to need someone else to co-regulate…but _always_?
2) When a woman gets angry and acts in a very reactive or volatile way towards people, then complains or plays victim when hard boundaries get set or when they get similar behavior in return. When you’re treating people badly or actively disrespectful…what exactly kind of treatment are you expecting?
Fire Singer 5 months ago
As a woman, I've seen other women use the excuse "Well I'm a woman I'm more emotional it's ok" when in reality they just had no regulation and were not going to take responsibility for it.
#18
Entitlement. I dated a girl that insisted her parent’s and her grandparent’s money was, in her words, “money I’m entitled to…it’s my money”. For what? Being born. I don’t want a partner who thinks this way. I’ve been dumped many times but this is someone I actually dumped myself.
Jerusalem Cat Syndrome 5 months ago
One parent, one parent's money; two parents, two parents' money. Singular, singular possessive; plural, plural possessive. It's just so simple.
#19
Cares too much about social media validation.
#21
Obsession with designer labels and material things in general..
Riley Quinn 5 months ago
As long as that designer-label obsession is fulfilled at the local thrift shop, then go for it because it generally means better quality than buying fast-fashion. But the old "living up to the Joneses" mentality is a foolish, debt-ridden path to take, which will not fill the void.
#22
I'm a woman so I apologize for answering a question directed at men, but here's one thing I notice that a lot of women do (and some men do) that is an instant red flag:
Talking smack about people behind their back, constantly, and in ways they'd never say to those people's faces. You know the adage "if they do it with you, they'll do it to you"? Same for this. Usually when someone engages in this behavior regularly, it's out of jealousy, immaturity, unresolved issues, or a combination thereof.
Randy Sanders 5 months ago (edited)
I had a black guy where I worked go to the boss and complain I was a racist because I didn't like him. Boss called me in, with him sitting there and asked me point blank about it. I just told him it didn't have anything to do with him being black. I then said I didn't like him because he was an a55hole. Boss laughed like mad, and that was the end of it.
#24
This applies to any gender - gets instantly defensive when you try to bring up something that’s having a negative impact on you.
Matt from Canada 5 months ago
Exactly what's happening with this post. Men say these thigs are red flags. All the women on this post "Men do it too"
#25
Low effort. When I feel like I’m always the one reaching out, I’m always the one starting conversations, I’m the one trying to keep things going, I’m the one making plans. I’ve chatted with women who insist they’re interested, but put in no effort, and when I start to ease up and give them space they rush back wondering why I’m no longer interested.
It would be nice to wake up to a good morning text, or have someone be the one to say “let’s do this”, or even if they feel the conversation is starting to hit a stale point to try and save it. Not place all of that solely on me.
Kristiina Männiste 5 months ago
Im guilty of this😅 Im both extremely introverted and also (because of past experiences) find it hard to believe that someone would enjoy spending time with me. So I never suggest dates and very rarely initiate texts because Im afraid to bother the other party. Maybe (if you like the girl) you can give her hints like "I have never received a good morning text- it must feel nice to get one" (a bit passive aggressive but would work on me😅) or "I had so much fun spending time with you today. We spent the day following my lead, would you like to plan the next one?"
#26
Complaining about everything then moving the goalposts once a situation changes to continue complaining.
Riley Quinn 5 months ago
I hated a job I had and would complain every night to my beleaguered housemate until one day they just yelled STOP. Either find another job or learn to accept what you've got. The shock motivated me to be a better person.
#28
Having a million different problems with someone but not being able to talk through a single one of them.
After a certain point, you recognize that the “solution” that they are seeking is to try to dismiss the entire person by racking up the number of perceived flaws in the eyes of the audience that they’re performing for, rather than address or solve any actual problem itself.
#29
Having a conversation and constantly talking about male/exes etc. The girls never seem to get it.
Riley Quinn 5 months ago
If someone asks me point blank why I'm divorced, I'll give a brief run down - emphasis on brief. I don't want to share a date with my ex as the third wheel.
#30
When they are being catty towards other women for no reason at all.
Riley Quinn 5 months ago
I hate that this is still happening. This was the modus operandi for girls and women raised pre-1980's, but come on. Stop fighting emotional evolution. Try it on for size. Take it for a spin. Understand that backstabbing doesn't move the needle towards equality.
#31
That arrogant and condescending air that says "I can do whatever I want and treat people like s**t because I'm the prettiest".
They often say that they want to meet someome kind, which I find hilarious.
#32
Being overly worried about appearances, not just their appearance, but how things look to other people. It just screams high maintenance and I know we'd never be able to relax and just have fun without caring that we're making idiots out of ourselves.
Riley Quinn 5 months ago
Insecurity requires a big bag to carry it in. Best to do your best and be satisfied. There'll always be someone who looks better, dances better, but you have to accept your limitations or you'll drive yourself insane.
#33
I have a friend who ignores me all the time and says it's because her phone doesn't have charge. I went to visit her in the weekend, and her boyfriend was messaging her and she said 'ugh can't be bothered with him, going to tell him tomorrow that my phone was out of charge', which I then instantly clocked that she probably does that with me. I just wish I confronted/called her out for it.
Is it spiteful for me to do the same thing back at her?
#34
The whole "brat/little" subculture is annoying... their profile: "Im a b***h, so deal with it" i will... *swipes left*.
Riley Quinn 5 months ago
Adult women who refer to themselves as girls, a b!tch, or other derogatory terms don't possess the emotional maturity to be in any sort of relationship outside of their therapist's office.
#35
Too vain / Totally uninformed or interested in world events.
#36
Trying to make the guy jealous.
Once I hit my early 30s, I could easily tell when a date/girlfriend was attempting to make me jealous….in my teens it would work, by 30 it just makes the woman look petty/malicious/immature.
Matt from Canada 5 months ago
Almost every post has someone saying "Men do this too!". Lot's of red flags in the comments!
#37
A constant need for attention or flattery.
Riley Quinn 5 months ago
But I'm special. So very special. Everybody, direct your attention to me.
#39
Comparing to their exes.
Riley Quinn 5 months ago
Yeah, this is never a good idea. If you can't view a person as a distinct individual, then you will have an incredibly lonely life.
#40
Married, but makes jokes about divorce.
Dog Mom to Zoe 5 months ago
One guy told me he was married 5 years too long. I thought to myself, 'Just let her go and find someone who would value her".
#41
She gives you a choice between two things. Could be anything. Where to eat, what to do that day. Whatever. You choose one. Some time later, maybe days or even months, you find out you made the wrong choice.
#42
Toxic positivity.
#43
Contempt.
Riley Quinn 5 months ago
There's a time and a place for contempt. I have contempt for MAGA, for our idiot Health Secretary, for ICE, for Netanyahu's genocidal actions, for Putin's war against Ukrainians, and for billionaires in general. These people deserve nothing more than contempt.
#44
There’s nothing wrong with talking about one’s past life and past relationships from time to time. I think it’s important to understand how your SO got to where they are today, how that affected them as a person, etc. That’s not really first date material, though, nor is it something that needs to be a frequent topic of conversation, especially when a couple is spending time with other friends. At a certain point it becomes clear that the person who keeps bringing it up is not at peace with their past relationships and is not ready for a new one.
Becca not Becky 5 months ago
Dating isn't therapy. Be mindful of the things you disclose and when.
#45
Telling them something in a private setting only to find out later they told all their stupid friends.
Riley Quinn 5 months ago
I relate to Red Reddington when it comes to betrayal, be it a friend, co-worker, or spouse. Once I realize you aren't trustworthy, you're dead to me.
#47
The lack of enthusiasm. It really applies to both genders but since I’m a dude I can only speak on my experience. I can tell when a woman isn’t interested. Like, at all. Small things that add up. Facial twitches. Hand movements. Body language.
Riley Quinn 5 months ago
Then you move on to someone who is enthusiastic about being with you. Don't stay with people who merely endure your presence even if you're lonely.
#48
When she refers to every ex as 'crazy' but keeps a scrapbook of their texts.
#49
I'm happily married, but one thing that makes me cringe and throws up red flags even from a friend standpoint is when a woman says they "don't get along with other women" or "always got along better with the guys".
Clown fish 5 months ago
Why? Some woman grow up with only brothers so get a long with men better. My best friend in highschool was a lad he had 5 sisters he only hung around with girls.
#50
Turning every conversion into comparing the differences between genders.
#51
I’m 81 and have been a widow since I was 62, but when I first met my husband, we talked about ideas, current events, politics, etc. as well as books and movies. We listened to music and only watched a little TV. We went out to eat and to see movies… only occasionally a concert or play. Basically we spent our time falling in love and being besotted with each other. We stayed in love with each other until the day he died from glioblastoma. That diagnosis was an extremely hard one because it is a death sentence- in 95% of the cases the person receiving the diagnosis dies within 15 months of receiving it. I still really miss him, not that there weren’t a few bumps in the road, like when living with anyone. But we were sympatico. I had a good marriage with a husband who “let me be me” as one of my friends put it. If you can’t have that type of marriage then don’t bother because you will be unhappy.
#52
A circle of friends consisting almost exclusively of straight men. This is usually a sign that she's insufferable, and that people only put up with her because they want to f**k her.
Charles McChristy 5 months ago
This sounds like a lot of projection coming from the "friendzone" lmao
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What do you think ?
Joyce Brown 5 months ago
This is about red flags men see about women. Can we please listen to what they have to say without going the 'guys do this too' route?? If you pay attention, you might just scoop up a good man who is interested in healthy relationships!
Chuck the Cat 5 months ago
Fúck off to all the people on this article saying “men do this too”. The article is about women! Not men! Not “dudes”! So shut up!
Joyce Brown 5 months ago
This is about red flags men see about women. Can we please listen to what they have to say without going the 'guys do this too' route?? If you pay attention, you might just scoop up a good man who is interested in healthy relationships!
Chuck the Cat 5 months ago
Fúck off to all the people on this article saying “men do this too”. The article is about women! Not men! Not “dudes”! So shut up!
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