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“Discuss Living Arrangements With The Father”: Parents Kick Out 19YO Who’s Pregnant For The 2nd Time
Different people have various opinions about the so-called “parent-child problem.” Some say that there is a critical difference in how different generations perceive life. Some people think that these are just isolated cases, and there is no general trend here.
Well, we’ve actually gathered here now not to discuss social issues in contemporary society, but simply to get acquainted with this story from the user u/Exact_Meet6470, whose daughter recently gave her mother a real surprise.
More info: Reddit
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The author of the post has a 19 Y.O. daughter who gave birth to her first baby 4 years ago
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
The new mom quit high school, found a part-time job and has been living with her parents since
Image credits: u/Exact_Meet6470
However, recently the girl told her parents she’s pregnant again – and the dad is that very same dude!
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Exact_Meet6470
The parents refused to house them this time – and the daughter bashed them for doing so
Image credits: George Chambers (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Exact_Meet6470
The author’s in-laws claimed that she and her spouse will later regret this decision, but the couple’s adamant
So, the Original Poster is 49 years old, and her daughter [Josie] is 19. Four years ago, when the girl was 15, she delivered a baby whose father was her age. It’s not that the parents didn’t give their daughter a proper sex education, says the author of the post – it’s obvious that it just wasn’t enough. Well, the parents tried to support their daughter as much as possible and helped her in taking care of their grandson.
The new mom said that in the current situation she wasn’t ready to continue studying in high school, but her parents strongly recommended that she at least find some part-time job. In any case, for the next four years, Josie and her son lived in their parents’ house – until a new, unexpected situation happened.
Soldiers have a saying that two bombs do not fall into the same crater, but in this case, the saying clearly didn’t work. Josie recently returned home and told her parents that she was pregnant again and – surprise! – from the same dude who is the father of her first kid. And who, by the way, didn’t take much part in raising his first son, giving only about $100 for the child’s expenses and sporadically coming to visit.
At this point, the OP and her husband’s patience simply ran out, and they said that they were not ready to completely sacrifice their future lives, raising their daughter’s two kids. The parents suggested that the girl discuss options for living together with the children’s dad, but she said that the guy wasn’t ready for this, neither financially nor morally.
The following weeks for the author of the post turned into a real branch of hell on earth – with constant quarrels with their daughter, discussions of options for further events with their own parents, in-laws… and even the parents of the hapless daddy. The only ones who offered the option to house Josie and the kids were the OP’s in-laws, but the girl didn’t like this option.
According to Josie, her grandparents live far from the city where the father of her kids lives, and she wants him to have the opportunity to regularly see his offspring. In any case, now Josie is giving her parents the silent treatment, and the OP’s in-laws believe that she and her husband are reacting ‘too harshly’ and that in the future they will regret actually ‘abandoning their daughter and grandkids.’ So the question arises – should love for our adult children be totally unconditional, and if so, to what extent?
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
As we’ve mentioned many times in previous posts, the share of American adults today who live under the same roof with their parents is the highest since WWII, and this is likely causing a lot of intergenerational conflict as well. But in this particular situation, the opinions of commenters were almost unanimous.
According to commenters, the original poster has reacted quite appropriately – after all, if she and her spouse give up some slack this time, their daughter will definitely draw the conclusion that in any case, no matter what happens, she will be able to shift the responsibility onto their shoulders. “Stand firm, or you’ll never be able to retire because she will continue to expect your largesse,” one of the people in the comments stated.
Other commenters just marvel at how the OP’s daughter actually repeated her own mistake, and again doesn’t want to learn a life lesson after making the wrong choices. In addition, some people in the comments argue that since the author’s in-laws are calling on her to show generosity, why don’t they set an example first? “Her grandparents can either foot the bill for her to live elsewhere, Or let them move in with 1 set,” someone aptly wrote in the comments.
Well, parents and adult children really have many conflicts, which, alas, significantly darken their future lives. As it was, for example, in this post of ours about a 20 Y.O. hiding her pregnancy from her father, expecting him to let them all live in his house. In this particular case nearly all commentators are almost sure that the original poster is right. So what do you think about all this?
Almost all the commenters unanimously supported the author and her husband, saying that it should be a life lesson for their daughter
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What do you think ?
Sonja 1 year ago (edited)
Unconditional love doesn't mean do everything for them and let them do wat they want. Loving someone doesn't mean taking everything away from them. The daughter is extremely entitled and obviously didn't understand why they wanted her to work. She's clearly thinking! One baby means she's allowed to work half a job so she could be there for her kid the other half, so if she has two, she gets to stay home all day and her parents keep paying. They should have insisted she'd work full time right from the start and only occasionally helped out with child care and only for job related reasons, never so she could go out. If she wanted that, they should have made her pay. They should have taken rent from her and utilities. Let her feel the reality of her situation and not allowing her to get herself into further dependency and out of school for no reason. 5hey could have put the money in a college fund for the child and tell her if she finished school with good grades she could live rent free.
Cassie 1 year ago
Yep, sometimes, unconditional love means no longer enabling poor choices and bad behavior.
Load More Replies...
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 1 year ago
A lot of single parents work, because they have to, looks like she'll learn the hard way now.
Donald 1 year ago (edited)
My cousin has 3 kids, is a single mother and works full time and I have never heard her complain how she doesn't get enough help. She loves her kids and would do anything for them.
Load More Replies...
Negatoris Wrecks 1 year ago
"gee, I sure don't want a job, I know, I'll get pregnant, then someone will HAVE to take care of me!"
LAWLAWLAW 1 year ago
I remember back in the 70's and 80' in the UK people used to say lots of teenage girls' got pregnant on purpose to get free council flats and dole money, I was born in 1974 and grew up in a council flat :-(
Load More Replies...
Marnie 1 year ago
I'm a firm believer that grandparents should pay child support if their kids have children while they are minors. The burden almost always falls on the mother's parents. The deadbeat child father's parents should have been forced BY LAW to pay child support until the father could start doing so.
Ron Baza 1 year ago
“ My husbands parents think we're being very harsh and punishing her for something that's already happened,” Bit of a weird statement from the OP’s in-laws. Do they think people should only be “punished” for things they haven’t done yet, or for things they are never going to do? Unless it’s “Don’t make any ever face any negative consequences of their actions, ever” which I’m also unconvinced by.
Tamra 1 year ago
So many of these stories about young women getting pregnant when they really shouldn't, and 90% of the commments are people saying how stupid she is, how she should keep her legs closed, hell even one person here called her a "sperm bank". I hardly ever see comments calling the men to task - the men who pump and dump, happy to get laid but disappear if there's a child in the picture. We need to remember there are TWO people involved in creating a pregnancy and start holding men more responsible for their actions, rather than almost exclusively demonizing the women.
eric hill 1 year ago
Because this article is about her parents and the choice that they made to force her to deal with the consequences for her choices. The parents have no control over what the guy does. I'm sure if they had a way to do so they would. It's a given that the boy is a useless idiot. No one here has been praising him. The daughter is also the one that is calling her parents heartless and expecting them to keep picking up the peices of her poor choices. She can possibly be forgiven for the first time, but doing it again after you already know he will be of no help and expecting her parents to pick up the pieces again is selfish to the extreme. She's also the one who is refusing to give the baby up for adoption or have an abortion. There are ways out of this mess for her, but she is refusing take them.
Load More Replies...
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
Unconditional love, finite resources. She's about to learn some harsh truths about life. Hope the parents stay firm.
Sonja 1 year ago (edited)
Unconditional love doesn't mean do everything for them and let them do wat they want. Loving someone doesn't mean taking everything away from them. The daughter is extremely entitled and obviously didn't understand why they wanted her to work. She's clearly thinking! One baby means she's allowed to work half a job so she could be there for her kid the other half, so if she has two, she gets to stay home all day and her parents keep paying. They should have insisted she'd work full time right from the start and only occasionally helped out with child care and only for job related reasons, never so she could go out. If she wanted that, they should have made her pay. They should have taken rent from her and utilities. Let her feel the reality of her situation and not allowing her to get herself into further dependency and out of school for no reason. 5hey could have put the money in a college fund for the child and tell her if she finished school with good grades she could live rent free.
Cassie 1 year ago
Yep, sometimes, unconditional love means no longer enabling poor choices and bad behavior.
Load More Replies... Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 1 year ago
A lot of single parents work, because they have to, looks like she'll learn the hard way now.
Donald 1 year ago (edited)
My cousin has 3 kids, is a single mother and works full time and I have never heard her complain how she doesn't get enough help. She loves her kids and would do anything for them.
Load More Replies... Negatoris Wrecks 1 year ago
"gee, I sure don't want a job, I know, I'll get pregnant, then someone will HAVE to take care of me!"
LAWLAWLAW 1 year ago
I remember back in the 70's and 80' in the UK people used to say lots of teenage girls' got pregnant on purpose to get free council flats and dole money, I was born in 1974 and grew up in a council flat :-(
Load More Replies... Marnie 1 year ago
I'm a firm believer that grandparents should pay child support if their kids have children while they are minors. The burden almost always falls on the mother's parents. The deadbeat child father's parents should have been forced BY LAW to pay child support until the father could start doing so.
Ron Baza 1 year ago
“ My husbands parents think we're being very harsh and punishing her for something that's already happened,” Bit of a weird statement from the OP’s in-laws. Do they think people should only be “punished” for things they haven’t done yet, or for things they are never going to do? Unless it’s “Don’t make any ever face any negative consequences of their actions, ever” which I’m also unconvinced by.
Tamra 1 year ago
So many of these stories about young women getting pregnant when they really shouldn't, and 90% of the commments are people saying how stupid she is, how she should keep her legs closed, hell even one person here called her a "sperm bank". I hardly ever see comments calling the men to task - the men who pump and dump, happy to get laid but disappear if there's a child in the picture. We need to remember there are TWO people involved in creating a pregnancy and start holding men more responsible for their actions, rather than almost exclusively demonizing the women.
eric hill 1 year ago
Because this article is about her parents and the choice that they made to force her to deal with the consequences for her choices. The parents have no control over what the guy does. I'm sure if they had a way to do so they would. It's a given that the boy is a useless idiot. No one here has been praising him. The daughter is also the one that is calling her parents heartless and expecting them to keep picking up the peices of her poor choices. She can possibly be forgiven for the first time, but doing it again after you already know he will be of no help and expecting her parents to pick up the pieces again is selfish to the extreme. She's also the one who is refusing to give the baby up for adoption or have an abortion. There are ways out of this mess for her, but she is refusing take them.
Load More Replies... KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
Unconditional love, finite resources. She's about to learn some harsh truths about life. Hope the parents stay firm.
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