Husband Tells Wife To Stop Body-Shaming Him Or He Will Do The Same To Her, She’s Left In Tears
Parenthood can really shake up a relationship. All of a sudden, every house chore, responsibility, and anxiety doubles while sleep, relaxation time, and romantic dates become almost nonexistent.
Not long after, partners might feel like the other is not helping enough or their parenting style isn’t to their liking, so the tension starts to grow and so does the bickering.
Redditor ApprehensiveWaltz904 and his wife were at the 6-month mark when they started picking small fights with each other. But when the sensitive topic of his weight was brought up by his partner over and over again, he couldn’t stop himself from getting back at her. When the vengeful comment about the wife’s postpartum body slipped out of his mouth, she ran off crying.
Hesitant to apologize, he turned to the “AITAH” subreddit, asking its members if what he did was wrong.
Newborns require a lot of time and energy, which leads exhausted parents to bicker
Image credits: nappy / Pexels (not the actual photo)
This wife struck her tired husband’s nerve with her constant comments on his weight
Image credits: Keira Burton / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ApprehensiveWaltz904
Image credits: Alex Green / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Relationship difficulties after having a baby
Research has shown that couples typically report increasing conflicts and decreasing satisfaction when their first child is born. Many reasons contribute to these feelings, like adjustment to new roles and exhaustion of time, sleep, and money.
A family therapist, Stacey Sherrell, told the BBC that one reason for quarrels is having less time to focus on relationship issues like poor communication. And behaviors that might have been a little annoying before kids might turn into a full-fledged problem.
Such issues also affect couples who think they are rock-solid. Despite believing they have the best relationship in the world, there still needs to be understanding and conversations about things that make parenthood hard.
Even when both parents work and share the burden of household chores seemingly equally, most of them slide into gender-stereotypical roles of parenting. And women are more likely to be the ones who get up in the night shushing the baby, cooking, and cleaning.
New mothers also tend to cut their working hours or be stay-at-home moms, which puts more financial responsibility on the father. Just like that, men spend more time at work, while women do more housework and childcare. Being the default parent can be exhausting, while the more absent parent might feel guilt and distress. This tension at home can lead to long-term resentment and fighting.
Image credits: Keira Burton / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Managing parenting challenges as a team
If one partner feels like they’re doing all the work and never taking a break, frustration, and anger can arise in a marriage. Therefore, dividing responsibilities equally can relieve this pressure. Whether one wants to be a stay-at-home parent or they both want to work, household chores, childcare, and meal preparation should be split equally in a way that suits the family best.
To plan for a restless and draining period, couples should decide how to handle the sleepless nights. It’s best to avoid scenarios where one parent rests through the night without getting up to tend to the baby. Even if one of them is working through the week and the other stays at home, they can develop a plan that allows both of them to get some sleep.
For example, a working parent can do a night shift with the baby during the weekend. Or if the mom is staying at home and breastfeeding, the dad could get up, change the diaper, and bring the baby to her. In cases where both parents are working and bottle feeding, they can take turns tending to the baby through the night.
Showing appreciation can also go a long way. Saying something like “You’re so good with the baby” or “Thanks for working and letting me stay at home with the baby” gives the partner some positive energy to face another challenging day of parenting. It doesn’t come easily to some, so writing a thoughtful note once a week can be a great introduction to practicing gratitude in marriage.
Lastly, parents have to be willing to accept that the other partner may do things differently, and that’s totally fine. No two people will interact with or parent their children in the same way. Differences in changing the diaper or feeding the baby shouldn’t be corrected or commented on because it prevents one from helping out with the child.
Commenters say the husband is not to blame
Some even say they both screwed up
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People who say ESH need to touch grass. This is like when a kid hits back against their bully once and the school punishes them for it. No I wouldn't have handled it like this man has but trying to come up with a good and morally right and also effective way of solving a situation where you are being pushed is an unfair expectation. When a person is being pushed to their limits, they react the way they can. And if someone bullies you based on what's a childhood trauma, that's orders of magnitude worse.
Szzone appears correct, I feel. He patiently endured, requested her to stop, and she instead escalated to refer to his old classmates who bullied him instead. Clearly she needed to be stopped, as she was on a destructive path to their relationship. HOPEFULLY her crying response included a solid note of realizing she brought this situation on herself, and leads to her improving the cruel behavior.
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'People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones' fits the story better I think.
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Actions have consequences. Act like a bully all the time and you will get clapped back, especially if you say vile things like going to hook up with his friends.
I don't think she was threatening to hook up with them. She was saying that she was going to call those bullies from his childhood to make him feel even worse about his weight. She seems horrible to me. And that was a very low blow.
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You should have divorced this verbally abusive human before you procreated. She will probably do it to your child too. My mother was very concerned with looks, so as a child, my siblings and I always knew when she didn't approve of our appearance. She treated my dad the same way. Welcome to the rest of your life.
What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Oh and you don't need to go to the gym to lose weight. Just eat less. Speaking from experience.
ESH comments are ridiculous. It happens a lot in reddit stories: OP: so they keep doing that annoying thing, and I asked them to stop like a thousand times, I tried to reason with them and explain why it hurts me and makes me uncomfortable on multiple occasions, but they still kept doing it until I snapped and yelled at them. Some smartass in the comments: "but why didn't you have a calm reasonable conversation with them? whY aRE u sO mEAn?"
Whether it was right or wrong (I'm thinking what's good for the goose is good for the gander here), don't apologize unless you're sorry. If you feel bad for hurting her apologize and make it clear that she's damaging your marriage with her comments. If she hasn't apologized and changed her behavior it's a clear indication she doesn't care about hurting you. If this is new behavior, consult a doctor/family therapist. Or a divorce lawyer.
This relationship is toast and neither of them realize it. She has absolutely no respect for him and is showing herself to be incredibly vain. She knows his history and feels it's acceptable to poke fun at him for weight gain? Really? That's not done in a healthy, respectful relationship. That's not PPD talking. That's all her. The fact that she digs even deeper by suggesting talking to his classmates about it? There's something seriously wrong here.
She’s abusive. My ex did the same stuff. It’s not ppd talking, it’s her being a b***h.
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I'm so sad to hear this man is in a toxic relationship with the mother of his child. Yes, I can't imagine the stress physically and mentally she's undergoing as a new mother, but to specifically and superficially target her husband when she's aware of his past triggers with fat-shaming AND to dismiss his requests to stop, there is a serious need for therapy and self-reflection on her part. Was his response the best option? No, but I probably would've reacted the same after repeated attacks on my appearance from the one person I'm supposed to be able to love and trust the most. I agree with a lotta the replies that say he needs to establish to her how serious this pattern is and how precarious their marriage is because of it.
Outside of childbirth, I have literally been in some of the most stressful and hostile and dangerous situations, Most people could fathom. It still doesn't excuse me treating someone else like garbage. Especially if that person is someone I claimed care about
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Tired. Stressed out. New responsibilities. Hormones. Childhood trauma. Both of them are a hot mess right now and need to get it together and pull as a team instead of taking it out on each other.
Blah blah blah, it's ok to treat your partner like a punching bag until the hits come back
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This is a few years old but I did not expect Melania to act out like that...
She’s an abusive b***h! He got to the end of his rope. He had told her to stop. She said she would but never did. I’d probably do what he did as well. And don’t get me started on her entitlement over the baby. She needs to do her part. She’s a brat!
If she didn't want it said to her, she shouldn't have said it to him. From my understanding, 6'5 and 240 pounds doesn't look all that bad. Especially when it is mostly muscle. He is not going to the gym so that he can help her out and she craps all over him. Then the running away crying is such victim play and ridiculous. He is not the a-hole.
OP's wife knew his backstory, his struggles, his being tormented and she threw that in his face. What a horrific violation of the trust in that relationship!!! She went for the jugular and drew as much blood as she could. She is a mean, vengeful woman. How does OP trust her after that? When will she strike again? My heart aches for OP.
Momma has been feeling fat & ugly and is projecting that against her husband. Her apparently very involved & caring husband, who took a LOT of that verbal abuse before breaking. More than I would have for certain.
How can you marry someone with so little respect for you? Its not just that but she seems to be a very petty, insecure and honestly s**t person to behave like that.
Like it would have been said if op was a woman and the bully her husband: you should consider how she really treats you. If she doesn’t see the efforts you put in your relationship and family with your patience, and help, and purposely hurt your self esteem and cross your limits, maybe you should reconsider things with her. She seems to be abusive.
Her comment that she'd go looking for an affair partner from his old classmates if he didn't get his figure back means gloves are off and she deserved what's coming.
She is toxic in her communication with you. It's not postpartum, it's not being tired, it's not stress. It's mean. Plain and simple. You need to sit down and put it all on the table. She doesn't like it? Too damn bad. What about you? You took shot, after shot, for weeks, months? And she breaks down after one comment? She needs to apologize, not you. You both need to get to the bottom of her passive aggressive hostility. Wth is her problem? Why is she so angry at you? Or is she projecting? Hmm
Sometimes, the only way people can stop is if they have something said that shocks them. I remember the same with my sister, she used to go on & on being rude, but would scream bloody murder when I called her a bihtch. It was literally the only way to get her to stop. Maybe this will knock some sense into her.
I was abused like this, passive aggressive, for 12 years.,.. it only stopped when I said you're closer, get your own water. You really have no idea how emotionally abusive a woman can be until to have cared so much that you gave all your time, all your happiness, all your hobbies and friends over to an open hand for literally nothing. I could count on half of one hand the number of times I yelled back. I couldn't make it through a Sunday morning the number of times she screamed at me. Btw I've been through three deployments. I can handle myself. I loved someone and they took advantage, and I only fed into it. The reality is..... Give someone an inch.
agree with Justin Smith, this is a glass house situation. Wife shouldn't be throwing stones at OP about his weight when she still has her post partum body. That she told OP he was less attractive is so not on. No wonder he lashed out! Bottom line, spouses should love each other regardless of their weight!! Guess what, your weight won't stay the same your whole life, it's something that fluctuates. Best way to do this, is work out a schedule between the two of them. So two times/week wife takes over from husband in the evening so husband can hit the gym. And two nights/week husband takes over from wife so she can hit the gym. Baby is 6 months, things should be getting more settled so this couple can organize schedules.
Easier option. Ignore counseling choose logic. Counseling is there to simply help you clarify your thoughts and feelings. There isn't a whole lot to clarify when somebody treats you like s*** and then gets butt hurt when you call them on it. Also, counseling is an important part of self-improvement when needed. Keyword self-improvement I know it's a compound word.
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I get where he's coming from - she's basically been bullying him. But why make a direct comment to insult her (which he admits in his comments he said purely to insult her, and it wasn't even something he believed was true), when he could have just said "how would you feel if someone repeatedly told you to lose weight, especially when our lives are upside down right now?" He says he talked to her, but I don't think his insulting of her was the way to go. 6 months is not a lot of time after giving birth, and you're certainly not out of the woods with regard to postpartum depression at that point. That's why I think ESH
he could have just said "how would you feel if someone repeatedly told you to lose weight, especially when our lives are upside down right now?" Because AS YOU ACKNOWLEDGED he already did that, and it didn't work.
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"She's had a hard time taking care of him so I've been helping" - Apparently this is a fatherless child.
People who say ESH need to touch grass. This is like when a kid hits back against their bully once and the school punishes them for it. No I wouldn't have handled it like this man has but trying to come up with a good and morally right and also effective way of solving a situation where you are being pushed is an unfair expectation. When a person is being pushed to their limits, they react the way they can. And if someone bullies you based on what's a childhood trauma, that's orders of magnitude worse.
Szzone appears correct, I feel. He patiently endured, requested her to stop, and she instead escalated to refer to his old classmates who bullied him instead. Clearly she needed to be stopped, as she was on a destructive path to their relationship. HOPEFULLY her crying response included a solid note of realizing she brought this situation on herself, and leads to her improving the cruel behavior.
Load More Replies... 'People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones' fits the story better I think.
Load More Replies... Actions have consequences. Act like a bully all the time and you will get clapped back, especially if you say vile things like going to hook up with his friends.
I don't think she was threatening to hook up with them. She was saying that she was going to call those bullies from his childhood to make him feel even worse about his weight. She seems horrible to me. And that was a very low blow.
Load More Replies... You should have divorced this verbally abusive human before you procreated. She will probably do it to your child too. My mother was very concerned with looks, so as a child, my siblings and I always knew when she didn't approve of our appearance. She treated my dad the same way. Welcome to the rest of your life.
What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Oh and you don't need to go to the gym to lose weight. Just eat less. Speaking from experience.
ESH comments are ridiculous. It happens a lot in reddit stories: OP: so they keep doing that annoying thing, and I asked them to stop like a thousand times, I tried to reason with them and explain why it hurts me and makes me uncomfortable on multiple occasions, but they still kept doing it until I snapped and yelled at them. Some smartass in the comments: "but why didn't you have a calm reasonable conversation with them? whY aRE u sO mEAn?"
Whether it was right or wrong (I'm thinking what's good for the goose is good for the gander here), don't apologize unless you're sorry. If you feel bad for hurting her apologize and make it clear that she's damaging your marriage with her comments. If she hasn't apologized and changed her behavior it's a clear indication she doesn't care about hurting you. If this is new behavior, consult a doctor/family therapist. Or a divorce lawyer.
This relationship is toast and neither of them realize it. She has absolutely no respect for him and is showing herself to be incredibly vain. She knows his history and feels it's acceptable to poke fun at him for weight gain? Really? That's not done in a healthy, respectful relationship. That's not PPD talking. That's all her. The fact that she digs even deeper by suggesting talking to his classmates about it? There's something seriously wrong here.
She’s abusive. My ex did the same stuff. It’s not ppd talking, it’s her being a b***h.
Load More Replies... I'm so sad to hear this man is in a toxic relationship with the mother of his child. Yes, I can't imagine the stress physically and mentally she's undergoing as a new mother, but to specifically and superficially target her husband when she's aware of his past triggers with fat-shaming AND to dismiss his requests to stop, there is a serious need for therapy and self-reflection on her part. Was his response the best option? No, but I probably would've reacted the same after repeated attacks on my appearance from the one person I'm supposed to be able to love and trust the most. I agree with a lotta the replies that say he needs to establish to her how serious this pattern is and how precarious their marriage is because of it.
Outside of childbirth, I have literally been in some of the most stressful and hostile and dangerous situations, Most people could fathom. It still doesn't excuse me treating someone else like garbage. Especially if that person is someone I claimed care about
Load More Replies... Tired. Stressed out. New responsibilities. Hormones. Childhood trauma. Both of them are a hot mess right now and need to get it together and pull as a team instead of taking it out on each other.
Blah blah blah, it's ok to treat your partner like a punching bag until the hits come back
Load More Replies... This is a few years old but I did not expect Melania to act out like that...
She’s an abusive b***h! He got to the end of his rope. He had told her to stop. She said she would but never did. I’d probably do what he did as well. And don’t get me started on her entitlement over the baby. She needs to do her part. She’s a brat!
If she didn't want it said to her, she shouldn't have said it to him. From my understanding, 6'5 and 240 pounds doesn't look all that bad. Especially when it is mostly muscle. He is not going to the gym so that he can help her out and she craps all over him. Then the running away crying is such victim play and ridiculous. He is not the a-hole.
OP's wife knew his backstory, his struggles, his being tormented and she threw that in his face. What a horrific violation of the trust in that relationship!!! She went for the jugular and drew as much blood as she could. She is a mean, vengeful woman. How does OP trust her after that? When will she strike again? My heart aches for OP.
Momma has been feeling fat & ugly and is projecting that against her husband. Her apparently very involved & caring husband, who took a LOT of that verbal abuse before breaking. More than I would have for certain.
How can you marry someone with so little respect for you? Its not just that but she seems to be a very petty, insecure and honestly s**t person to behave like that.
Like it would have been said if op was a woman and the bully her husband: you should consider how she really treats you. If she doesn’t see the efforts you put in your relationship and family with your patience, and help, and purposely hurt your self esteem and cross your limits, maybe you should reconsider things with her. She seems to be abusive.
Her comment that she'd go looking for an affair partner from his old classmates if he didn't get his figure back means gloves are off and she deserved what's coming.
She is toxic in her communication with you. It's not postpartum, it's not being tired, it's not stress. It's mean. Plain and simple. You need to sit down and put it all on the table. She doesn't like it? Too damn bad. What about you? You took shot, after shot, for weeks, months? And she breaks down after one comment? She needs to apologize, not you. You both need to get to the bottom of her passive aggressive hostility. Wth is her problem? Why is she so angry at you? Or is she projecting? Hmm
Sometimes, the only way people can stop is if they have something said that shocks them. I remember the same with my sister, she used to go on & on being rude, but would scream bloody murder when I called her a bihtch. It was literally the only way to get her to stop. Maybe this will knock some sense into her.
I was abused like this, passive aggressive, for 12 years.,.. it only stopped when I said you're closer, get your own water. You really have no idea how emotionally abusive a woman can be until to have cared so much that you gave all your time, all your happiness, all your hobbies and friends over to an open hand for literally nothing. I could count on half of one hand the number of times I yelled back. I couldn't make it through a Sunday morning the number of times she screamed at me. Btw I've been through three deployments. I can handle myself. I loved someone and they took advantage, and I only fed into it. The reality is..... Give someone an inch.
agree with Justin Smith, this is a glass house situation. Wife shouldn't be throwing stones at OP about his weight when she still has her post partum body. That she told OP he was less attractive is so not on. No wonder he lashed out! Bottom line, spouses should love each other regardless of their weight!! Guess what, your weight won't stay the same your whole life, it's something that fluctuates. Best way to do this, is work out a schedule between the two of them. So two times/week wife takes over from husband in the evening so husband can hit the gym. And two nights/week husband takes over from wife so she can hit the gym. Baby is 6 months, things should be getting more settled so this couple can organize schedules.
Easier option. Ignore counseling choose logic. Counseling is there to simply help you clarify your thoughts and feelings. There isn't a whole lot to clarify when somebody treats you like s*** and then gets butt hurt when you call them on it. Also, counseling is an important part of self-improvement when needed. Keyword self-improvement I know it's a compound word.
Load More Replies... I get where he's coming from - she's basically been bullying him. But why make a direct comment to insult her (which he admits in his comments he said purely to insult her, and it wasn't even something he believed was true), when he could have just said "how would you feel if someone repeatedly told you to lose weight, especially when our lives are upside down right now?" He says he talked to her, but I don't think his insulting of her was the way to go. 6 months is not a lot of time after giving birth, and you're certainly not out of the woods with regard to postpartum depression at that point. That's why I think ESH
he could have just said "how would you feel if someone repeatedly told you to lose weight, especially when our lives are upside down right now?" Because AS YOU ACKNOWLEDGED he already did that, and it didn't work.
Load More Replies... "She's had a hard time taking care of him so I've been helping" - Apparently this is a fatherless child.
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