Platonic Best Friends Marry Each Other To Raise A Family Together – Spark A Discussion Over Marriage
According to Stephanie Coontz, who teaches history and family studies at the Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash., the idea of love as a primary reason for marriage began to spread in the late 18th century and early 19th century, partly due to the French and American revolutions.
Brought to us by the enlightenment thinkers, the “right to personal happiness” has set its roots in western society and now romantic unions have become the ideal.
But not all partnerships are like that. Recently, TikTok user Jay Guercio released a video, explaining the relationship she’s in herself; Guercio calls it a platonic marriage, a legal union based on spiritual connection or practical love, rather than on sexual or romantic love.
Image credits: thelovelyjaybird
@thelovelyjaybird#stitch with @izacabela @kayem332 platonic relationships are just as valid as romantic ones. #marriage #platoniccouple #bestfriends #raisingkids #fyp♬ original sound – Jay Guercio
Here’s a transcript of the video
Image credits: thelovelyjaybird
The notion that a couple would marry out of love was considered almost anti-social and subversive in many civilizations. Parents would even disown their kids for doing it. “The Greeks thought lovesickness was a type of insanity, a view that was adopted by medieval commentators in Europe. In the Middle Ages, the French defined love as a ‘derangement of the mind’ that could be cured by sexual intercourse, either with the loved one or with a different partner,” Coontz writes in her 2005 book, Marriage, A History: From Obedience to Intimacy, or How Love Conquered Marriage.
The main reasons couples wed were to make political alliances, to raise capital, to expand the workforce, and for a whole array of other purposes.
“Too much love was thought to be a real threat to the institution of marriage,” Coontz explained in an interview. “Earlier proponents of marriage were as horrified by the idea of a love match as late 20th-century people were by (the) idea of same-sex marriage.”
So Guercio and her wife Krystle’s arrangement isn’t anything new. Furthermore, marriage is a voluntary, legal union of a couple as spouses. They tie the knot because they want to, and the law says nothing about it being sexual or not.
Image credits: thelovelyjaybird
Relationship expert Amie Leadingham told Brides that different couples enter a platonic commitment for different reasons. “Some people may not want to get married to a romantic partner,” Leadingham said. “They want stability with a partner they trust and more flexibility in their lives. I think this is a great solution for those that fall into that category. Having someone that has your back and you can trust is a wonderful feeling.”
Co-parenting aside, some practical reasons for a platonic relationship could be that people think they could take care of each other into old age or split their expenses better. They can file taxes together, be considered next of kin if medical problems arise and if things don’t work out, they can divorce like any other married couple. “I believe everyone should have their choice in how they want their marriage to be,” Leadingham added.
Here’s what people said after hearing Jay’s story
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This is awesome. I'm not gonna go into their dating other people because I feel like that's a dynamic they need to have discussed. I am however a huge fan of the idea. Family is about love and support...once you have that...that's it. Even the kids, are they loved and supported? Yes, well then it's a family. There are traditional families out there that meet the traditional criteria but fail at both love and support.
To realize that I am not alone in desiring something like this is very enlightening. For years (I am 50+, grandma, married once for 7 years, single for 18 years now) I have said that I would love to "marry" one of my closest friends. I want the one-on-one social, familial and partner intimacy but -- because I am not sexually attracted to the same gender -- not the sexual intimacy. Everyone has always looked at me as if I am completely off my rocker. I am envious.
This is wonderful. I believe that there shouldn't be a limit of who can go into an oficial commited relationship. Why making it only for romantic partners? For example my two grandaunts are 92 and 91 and have lived together their entire lives. They even share bedroom. How are they less of a couple than me and my partner who love each other but have been togheter "just" for 7 years? When i registered with my partner as "samenwonen" (living together) the belgian police even came to our home to see if we lived in the same house an even shared bedroom. (They only do that to couples with an immigrant person) I have colleagues that even had their wardrobes inspected to see if their clothes were in the same room. Why cannot I sleep in a different bedroom? Why my aunts cannot be a couple just because they dont have sex together? Its absurd
that's outrageous, the government shouldn't have that sort of intrusive control over what people do in their own homes. :(
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I am so torn with this. On one hand I get it..... Besties for life much easier less stress all that. HOWEVER, after losing my best friend of over 25 years (betrayal not death) relationships whether romantic or not still fall apart. That's number one. Number two, what if they fall in love with someone else that wants to get married? Now they have to divorce and all that and they lose everything "legal" that they built, is there child support now? Who pays it? And they can't just be like, no because we raised our OWN children together, because that won't matter for the kids, they'll be attached. IDK, I see a lot wrong with this, UNLESS they are closet lesbians and too scared to come out and they are hiding behind what they're calling a "platonic marriage" and if that's the case, good for them beating the "system" (*cough judgmental families * Cough)
Totally what I had in mind, thanks for typing it out ;)
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I came to the comments just to say: "Here’s a transcript of the video" THANK YOU BoredPanda staff for listening to us! We complained about the previous format of 20 pictures with 1 line of text each....and you listened, and this article is much better for it! Now people with text or video preferences can enjoy it just as easily.
My daughter and her best friend are like this. My daughter even calls her friend "wusband". I think this is a great way for those young women to make the most of the lives they want and safeguard their rights. Only hitch might be if one of them meets someone they actually want to be in a permanent relationship with and feels the need to marry that person. But hey, good luck to them!
Obviously you don't get it... Committed best friends ARE a permanent relationships. I never believed or wanted to get married until I met my best friend and it still took 15 years, divorce will never need to be an option.
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Two elderly men 65+ got married in my hometown. They were best friends who have always lived together platonically, but wanted to make sure that if the one passes the other can continue on with all their stuff and the household won't be torn apart by distant family members.
Given their ages, my cynical mind is wondering if they just never came out of the closet? But if they truly are "just friends" - good for them. Not all relationships are about sex.
Load More Replies... In France we have pacs which is a civil union with most of the benefits of marriage but also much easier to get or to end. This was originally intended to give homosexual couples a way to access the benefits of marriage, before marriage became same sex. It quickly became popular, not only with homosexual couples, but also with heterosexual couples, to the point that today, there are as much people who pacs than people who marry. A lot of pacs are between friends.
that's beautiful, sounds like france is on top of things!
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I think this is a very sensible arrangement and who cares what anybody else thinks anyway, you do what works for you. You are two people who are committed to each other who want to share a life together and provide for your children. People have married and settled for a lot less. I wish you both a long and very happy marriage
Women have been doing this forever without any legal benefits. Good for them.
Okay, but isn't the whole point of dating about hopefully getting married one day, aren't they just screwing their boyfriends over when they can't marry them?? I'm just a little confused
Many, many, many people have marriages that are called "open" look it up. They never dated they are committed best friends and now spouses. Some people (I talked to one yesterday) prefer to date married people because they know it won't mean a permanent relationship, or because they don't want/need to support the other financially/emotionally/spiritually.
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Definitely different, I don't understand it, but if it works for them and it makes them happy then I'm all for it! They seem like lovely people and I wish them luck.
I literally just created an account to say that this is the first time I see a couple just like mine. My best friend and wife is my platonic life partner. We realised we wanted the same things in life, couldn't imagine anyone else as a partner and co-parent (if we decide on kids, jury's still out on that) and that it would just be easier for everyone if we got married. It confused some people around us at first, but I think most realised we have a very happy and healthy life together. Our 4 year anniversary is coming up in two weeks and I'm looking forward to at least 64 more years with her. I hope you two will be just as happy as I am.
I really like this one. But since they're having separate dating lives, what if they want to marry the romantic partner, and have kids with that SO?
Than they'll have to make a choice like all people committed to somebody but wanting to commit to somebody else.
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In about 5 -10 years when they meet the Romantic love of their lives this is going to be very messy, big divorce and end of a friendship.
beautiful, ideal. i'm also aroace, and i have multiple people in my life who i'd happily do this with! but only if the changes to SSI (supplemental security income) are made so that i *can* get married without being penalized for it.
Kinda don't get the plan if either one should meet someone and commence a romantic relationship. They just divorce and shack up with the new love interest? If so, I think it's hugely disrespectful and undermining to the sanctity of marriage. Of course marriages can and do end in divorce but you shouldn't view it as a "likely option" when you take your vows. As a guy in a gay marriage, we fought long and hard to get such rights and this rather feels like it's taking the piss.
I tend to agree with you. I believe that marriage should have a romantic element (regardless of love been a late addition). If they date other people, it could well complicate things down the line, regardless of current intentions.
Load More Replies...
This is awesome. I'm not gonna go into their dating other people because I feel like that's a dynamic they need to have discussed. I am however a huge fan of the idea. Family is about love and support...once you have that...that's it. Even the kids, are they loved and supported? Yes, well then it's a family. There are traditional families out there that meet the traditional criteria but fail at both love and support.
To realize that I am not alone in desiring something like this is very enlightening. For years (I am 50+, grandma, married once for 7 years, single for 18 years now) I have said that I would love to "marry" one of my closest friends. I want the one-on-one social, familial and partner intimacy but -- because I am not sexually attracted to the same gender -- not the sexual intimacy. Everyone has always looked at me as if I am completely off my rocker. I am envious.
This is wonderful. I believe that there shouldn't be a limit of who can go into an oficial commited relationship. Why making it only for romantic partners? For example my two grandaunts are 92 and 91 and have lived together their entire lives. They even share bedroom. How are they less of a couple than me and my partner who love each other but have been togheter "just" for 7 years? When i registered with my partner as "samenwonen" (living together) the belgian police even came to our home to see if we lived in the same house an even shared bedroom. (They only do that to couples with an immigrant person) I have colleagues that even had their wardrobes inspected to see if their clothes were in the same room. Why cannot I sleep in a different bedroom? Why my aunts cannot be a couple just because they dont have sex together? Its absurd
that's outrageous, the government shouldn't have that sort of intrusive control over what people do in their own homes. :(
Load More Replies... I am so torn with this. On one hand I get it..... Besties for life much easier less stress all that. HOWEVER, after losing my best friend of over 25 years (betrayal not death) relationships whether romantic or not still fall apart. That's number one. Number two, what if they fall in love with someone else that wants to get married? Now they have to divorce and all that and they lose everything "legal" that they built, is there child support now? Who pays it? And they can't just be like, no because we raised our OWN children together, because that won't matter for the kids, they'll be attached. IDK, I see a lot wrong with this, UNLESS they are closet lesbians and too scared to come out and they are hiding behind what they're calling a "platonic marriage" and if that's the case, good for them beating the "system" (*cough judgmental families * Cough)
Totally what I had in mind, thanks for typing it out ;)
Load More Replies... I came to the comments just to say: "Here’s a transcript of the video" THANK YOU BoredPanda staff for listening to us! We complained about the previous format of 20 pictures with 1 line of text each....and you listened, and this article is much better for it! Now people with text or video preferences can enjoy it just as easily.
My daughter and her best friend are like this. My daughter even calls her friend "wusband". I think this is a great way for those young women to make the most of the lives they want and safeguard their rights. Only hitch might be if one of them meets someone they actually want to be in a permanent relationship with and feels the need to marry that person. But hey, good luck to them!
Obviously you don't get it... Committed best friends ARE a permanent relationships. I never believed or wanted to get married until I met my best friend and it still took 15 years, divorce will never need to be an option.
Load More Replies... Two elderly men 65+ got married in my hometown. They were best friends who have always lived together platonically, but wanted to make sure that if the one passes the other can continue on with all their stuff and the household won't be torn apart by distant family members.
Given their ages, my cynical mind is wondering if they just never came out of the closet? But if they truly are "just friends" - good for them. Not all relationships are about sex.
Load More Replies... In France we have pacs which is a civil union with most of the benefits of marriage but also much easier to get or to end. This was originally intended to give homosexual couples a way to access the benefits of marriage, before marriage became same sex. It quickly became popular, not only with homosexual couples, but also with heterosexual couples, to the point that today, there are as much people who pacs than people who marry. A lot of pacs are between friends.
that's beautiful, sounds like france is on top of things!
Load More Replies... I think this is a very sensible arrangement and who cares what anybody else thinks anyway, you do what works for you. You are two people who are committed to each other who want to share a life together and provide for your children. People have married and settled for a lot less. I wish you both a long and very happy marriage
Women have been doing this forever without any legal benefits. Good for them.
Okay, but isn't the whole point of dating about hopefully getting married one day, aren't they just screwing their boyfriends over when they can't marry them?? I'm just a little confused
Many, many, many people have marriages that are called "open" look it up. They never dated they are committed best friends and now spouses. Some people (I talked to one yesterday) prefer to date married people because they know it won't mean a permanent relationship, or because they don't want/need to support the other financially/emotionally/spiritually.
Load More Replies... Definitely different, I don't understand it, but if it works for them and it makes them happy then I'm all for it! They seem like lovely people and I wish them luck.
I literally just created an account to say that this is the first time I see a couple just like mine. My best friend and wife is my platonic life partner. We realised we wanted the same things in life, couldn't imagine anyone else as a partner and co-parent (if we decide on kids, jury's still out on that) and that it would just be easier for everyone if we got married. It confused some people around us at first, but I think most realised we have a very happy and healthy life together. Our 4 year anniversary is coming up in two weeks and I'm looking forward to at least 64 more years with her. I hope you two will be just as happy as I am.
I really like this one. But since they're having separate dating lives, what if they want to marry the romantic partner, and have kids with that SO?
Than they'll have to make a choice like all people committed to somebody but wanting to commit to somebody else.
Load More Replies... In about 5 -10 years when they meet the Romantic love of their lives this is going to be very messy, big divorce and end of a friendship.
beautiful, ideal. i'm also aroace, and i have multiple people in my life who i'd happily do this with! but only if the changes to SSI (supplemental security income) are made so that i *can* get married without being penalized for it.
Kinda don't get the plan if either one should meet someone and commence a romantic relationship. They just divorce and shack up with the new love interest? If so, I think it's hugely disrespectful and undermining to the sanctity of marriage. Of course marriages can and do end in divorce but you shouldn't view it as a "likely option" when you take your vows. As a guy in a gay marriage, we fought long and hard to get such rights and this rather feels like it's taking the piss.
I tend to agree with you. I believe that marriage should have a romantic element (regardless of love been a late addition). If they date other people, it could well complicate things down the line, regardless of current intentions.
Load More Replies... 
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