Some People Are Calling This Woman A Genius For How She Dealt With Her Lazy Boyfriend Not Doing Chores
Chores can be a real bone of contention even between loving partners. And, unfortunately, things like a pile of unwashed dishes or an unwillingness to take out the garbage can spiral into some serious arguments that strike at the very bedrock of the relationship. Other times, the very topic of avoiding chores can spark a secret ‘war’ between spouses. One such case is what happened with redditor u/lappisl, who shared her story on the AITA subreddit.
The woman explained how her boyfriend purposefully avoided chores by pretending that he doesn’t know how to do them. This, of course, was complete cow doodoo because he could do everything fine when he was living alone; he simply didn’t want to anymore. Instead, he blamed his girlfriend for having cleanliness standards that are way too high.
So, the redditor came up with a cunning plan (any fans of ‘Blackadder’ here?). She started believing him when he said he was trying and she stopped taking care of every mess left behind, big or small. Scroll down for the full story, Pandas!
Doing chores isn’t the most pleasant thing in the world, but it’s a necessity. However, not everyone wants to pull their weight
Image credits: jim
A woman turned to Reddit to share how her boyfriend pretended he’s not good at doing chores and what happened next
The most impressive thing, for me, is that the redditor’s plan actually worked. After showing her boyfriend what life would be like if she didn’t pick up after him, she actually converted him to her way of thinking. In the end, he was a changed man. He realized how awful things were if he couldn’t do chores properly. A wake-up call indeed.
“He’s stopped being so lazy about chores after he realized I seem totally okay with leaving stuff done badly and that he’ll be living with it,” u/lappisl writes.
However, the woman still felt guilty about having been petty and doing a bit of manipulating herself. That’s why she turned to the AITA subreddit for a verdict on whether or not she was a jerk for what she did.
The redditor’s post was wildly popular. It got over 33.5k upvotes and literally hundreds of awards in the span of just 3 days. What’s more, her tale prompted over 2.6k comments to be written. Most people thought that the girlfriend did nothing wrong at all. However, what’s your verdict on this, dear Readers? Whose side are you on?
During a previous interview with Bored Panda, relationship and self-love coach Alex Scot explained the necessity of dividing up chores between partners. “Divvying up house chores is a necessity. If one partner consistently does the majority of the work, typically it leads to that partner feeling like a nanny,” she shared.
One thing that partners can do is be honest with one another about which chores they don’t mind doing and which ones they positively hate. “For example, I don’t mind cleaning toilets but I hate vacuuming, so my partner is the one who vacuums and I’m the one that cleans the bathroom. For any chores that both partners don’t want to do, take turns alternating. This will vary from couple to couple but the goal here is to keep communication open, fair, and realistic for each other’s schedules,” coach Alex said.
If you do get into an argument about chores, you can end up with a so-called “post-argument hangover.” Couples need to get past this and reconnect. “I recommend physical touch in the form of a hug or a 6-second kiss, the reason for this is co-regulation,” she said.
“[Co-regulation is] how we self soothe as infants; a baby cries and a caregiver comes to cuddle and soothe the baby. As adults, co-regulation is very powerful and something we can use to our advantage. So even though you may not feel like hugging or kissing your partner post-argument, as soon as you can bring yourself to do so, go for it. Your nervous system will thank you as it regulates with your partner’s nervous system by sensing their heart rate and breathing.”
Here’s what some redditors thought of the entire situation. Have a read through some of their thoughts below
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Dump him. This is what you do with a teenage kid who is lazy, not someone who is supposed to be a life partner. and if he is showing a desire to shirk helping and to gaslight on something so minor he is unreliable for bigger things
Beat me to it. My mom did this to my sister when my sister was in her early teens. Essentially, "you want to be treated like an adult, you better act like one, otherwise, stop your whining and learn, or deal with the imperfections of your mother who works full-time to feed you and clothe you while you insist she also be a eprfect cook and housekeeper"....
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I've had to deal with fake incompetence. When they say they shouldn't do it because they are not very good at it, I say no, that's exactly the reason why you should be doing it more, because you need to get better with practice.
Why do people stay with partners like this? You do realize that his behaviour is only going to get worse as you age, right? This is not someone you want to spend your life with. Move out.
Because often this behavior only comes out after you're invested in the relationship. And also because I hate to say it but it's not uncommon with men in certain areas. Never once had a woman do this to me in a relationship or at work. Had it happen with men though in both situations. But you're definitely right for the long term behavior.
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Nice work, but it won't be a suitable strategy with unfed, unwashed, unwatched children
Just break up with him. He straight up lied and tried to manipulate you, why would you want to continue that?
Weaponised incompetence is a manipulation tool, so is gaslighting (I am not suddenly incompetent, your criteria are too hight and such comments from the boyfriend). I hope he will clean up his act, but I bet he will break up the relationship to find an easier target. If she doesn't toss him out before.
My parents' marriage has never been this ridiculous or stupid. They both pull their weight and do what they have to do. This is probably why I am still single. I see how a relationship is truly supposed to be and I don't want to just settle for someone who might act like a child. This woman just needs to dump him because she can't continue this passive aggressiveness forever.
These posts make me very grateful for my partner. The dynamic between couples in these posts seems so off. You are his lover and partner in life, you are not his caretaker, it's so weird that people treat their partners this way.
This guy produced some textbook gas-lighting paired with malicious compliance expecting to gradually train her into serving his every need without having to lift a finger ever. So this brilliant woman responded by letting him drink his own cocktail of malicious compliance and gaslighting, served with a slice of lemon and an air of nonchalance. Like a boss.
I would have dumped him. You aren't his mother and he clearly has no respect for you. There are plenty of decent men in the world, you don't need to put up with babies.
Dump him. Imagine what life will be like if you get married and have children.
Lovely Friend, GET RID. I've never heard of such awful manipulation tactics in my life. I've been married for twenty years & if my husband pulled even one half example of this, he'd be toast. He wouldn't, because he's not a wanker. That said, dump him! He's disgusting. You deserve better.
I only worry about if they have kids later. My husband lived alone and was not so dumb before kids. After kids and me staying home (even though I'm working a few hours), he seems to have forgotten everything except his own work. I'm actually looking at his clothes on the floor in the kitchen right now... The hamper is by the bathroom
just don't pick it up for a while. let him be aweare of his own mess. otherwize, he will continue to treat you only as a maid
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You're dating a child who will only step up and do his share if you lie and manipulate him (in response to him manipulating you, I'm not blaming you for this). Is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life?
I swear some of these things have to be jokes right? Like you know this isn't the only issue in the relationship if this dude is willing to act like this. Why are people choosing to be in relationships like this? Why should you even have to ask your partner to wash the dishes? As if they didn't use the dishes themselves. And as if they aren't grown humans. I'm just gonna go out on the limb and say he's the a**h**e for his behavior but she's the a**h**e for staying with him. I'm having a hard time gathering up any sympathy for this one.
This is more problematic than you think: he's trying to train you like a circus animal....and has suckered you into using the same tactics in reverse. One day soon, you'll have this terrible yearning to actually relate openly to someone, without the games. Just leave before you get too depressed to take action.
Exactly!! This tit-for-tat exchange is not going to help either of them. It will perpetuate the dissonance in their home lives by giving him more ammo to consider her the bad guy. She needs to have a basic discussion about this with him (not the kind where she launches into accusations- she could calmly list some things she wants him to do and ask him if he will do them and do them right). He needs to be ditched if he doesn't have respect for her needs after that event takes place. She needs to quit trying to rile him up- if resentment builds, that can escalate into something far more severe.
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Another sad attempt by BP to just reproduce reddit threads. Get some new stories, BP, don't steal from Reddit.
Not everyone reads Reddit and this is a nice way for the rest of us to read these stories!! So what is your problem really!! 😵💫🤦🏼♀️🤷♀️🤫
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He only did everything fine when he was living alone because he had no choice. Once he wasn't living alone anymore he decided that his GF also needed to become a mom-servant to a manchild. She may have won this battle but there will be others because he is probably resenting the fact he lost and has to step up. His behavior is a harbinger of future behavior. If she stays with him and they later decide to get married and have kids, she is going to find out what it feels like to be a single mom while inside of a marriage!!!
That he even TRIED it on the first place. Throw the whole man away.
I mean you’re in the right, but… Once you decided you weren’t bonkers and he was actually pretending to be bad at chores to manipulate you, why would you keep him around at all?
For my wife, the little black dress would've been grounds for divorce. I agree with her that he got off too easily.
Ngl this is one of many reasons why moving in with someone isn't great.
Many here advising the OP to end the relationship. It might be worth it to stop the game playing and have a serious talk IF they're prepared to see the relationship end. I'd find this nonsense so tedious. If there are children in the future is it going to be about diapering or installing a car seat? Incompetence isn't amusing or sexy.
What is there to talk about? He knew very well what he was doing, and found it acceptable. This is an offence worth breaking up over. Why try to save a relationship with a childish loser when the world is full of actual men who know how to act like competent grown-ups? Is there a man shortage i don't know about?
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I really dislike people like this sack of shite of a BF. This attitude puts so much stress on people who care and they end up taking on way more responsibilities because otherwise it affects everyone in a bad way.
Seriously, they should dump the BF. What adult acts like that? And I doubt that behavior will get better over time since even the smallest things are already 'battles".
More snap judgements based off of insufficient context, gotta love it.
She provided more than enough context. So much for logic and reason!
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I don't think she's being petty at all. She wants a partner, not a child. But, I'm going to play Devil's advocate here and ask: what was his relationship with his Mother like? Did she coddle her perfect little boy & make sure all his needs were met? I taught BOTH of my children (one of each) how to: clean the house, wash dishes by hand (you may not always have a dishwasher) wash & dry their clothes, ironing, simple sewing, simple cooking, flower arranging and basic auto maintenance - all the while telling them they may have to do these things for themselves one day. One of my proudest moments was when my (then) 19 y/o son came over and asked if he could borrow my sewing kit - and then proceeded to repair the rip in the seam of his jacket. Perfectly.
sadly, this is something that many people (usually men, but people of other genders as well) do, quite often deliberately. it's played up for laughs in sitcoms - where the husband fakes being incompetent so he won't be asked to do whatever it is again - which is part of why it's so widespread. people, don't do this to your loved ones, and if someone calls you out on it, accept it and do your best to change, because it's shitty behavior.
His behavior was appalling but, without more context as to why he made/denied the mess, I would say that her reaction was unfair. She's probably not a bad person but her communication skills are terrible. Both parties are not mature enough for a relationship. If their current means of communication already doesn't work, coding the frustration in acceptance of the mess (passive-aggression) will only make it worse. If he is emotionally perceptive, he will feel hurt and lose motivation to improve. Or he will get defensive. If he isn't emotionally perceptive, it will all go completely over his head, nullifying her reaction. The solution is to sit down with no distractions and have a frank discussion (not to make accusations, just to discuss) the living space. If he makes it clear that he doesn't place an equal value on cleanliness, thinks your standards are ridiculous, and/or does not want to make an effort- walk away from that relationship and don't look back.
So almost every relationship is going to have an issue similar to this. My husband pees while standing even though he can't hit the broad side of a barn and he has destroyed so much of my clothing that he is no longer allowed anywhere near the laundry. How we handled it without needing to call the cops for attempted murder is we split chores. I do all the laundry, he does all the floors. I scrub the bathrooms he cleans up the rabbits litter and shampoo vac furniture. I do general pick-up and organizing, he does the majority of the cooking. Everyone has a chore they really hate or do poorly so that chore is the one your partner does while you do the chore they hate and suck at. Not a perfect solution but it has drastically reduced our irritation and fights. Might not work for you but it you have these kinds of woes then why not give it a try.
Why are people on BP so quick to empathize with people with depression and openly admitted character flaws yet so quick to dump on people who exhibit those same deficiencies, just without adequate context to know what's really going on? We don't really know anything about this guy or the woman who posted the rant. Not saying he's not guilty or that she's not right, but that's just it: we just don't know the full story. These sorts of posts and the resulting comments always make me cringe, and it makes me sad for people with genuine disabilities and difficulties being labeled as lazy asses who should be dumped immediately.
Tbh, I don't even think OP needs to do anything if she wants to end this relationship. Won't be surprised if he starts looking for someone who is 'better wife material' who can be his caretaker.
Except he doesn’t want ‘wife material’, he’s confusing a wife for a mother, and that’s creepy and disgusting.
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My roommate has an annoying habit of not removing leftover food, before putting his dirty dishes in the dishwasher. So whenever the dishes come out still dirty, I leave his things on the counter ... and only clean the other dishes. He already complained ... but I always answer with his own words, when I point out that he has, once again, put dishes with leftover food in the dishwasher. "It's just a little bit ... it's not that bad!"
A friend of mine when she went to live with her husband (back when it was the thing) she did the dishes a couple of times at the very beginning. After that she noticed that if she didn’t do them, nobody did. She just stop doing it, so they used all plates in the house till there were no more (even the silver bowls they got as wedding gifts). It was like a game. Once there was anything to eat in she said to her husband she was going to her parents because there the dishes were washed. In two days her husband called and chores weren’t a issu anymore.
They’re still together, more than twenty years later.
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Not The A__h_l_ - this guy tried to flat-out gaslight you into thinking you had ridiculous standards. Over what? A chore. A simple task performed by billions daily. He's a petty, ignorant, self-centered, mentally controlling jackass. Neither of you has any maturity to build this relationship upon.
You did great. I do same, not with food as my bf has chronic digestive disease and really can't afford eat anything even slightly doubting (it could cause internal bleeding) but for the rest with dishes and laundry I did same just made sure it was only his clothes and washed my own dishes. And I made a bit more scene around it. You did definitely better.
Are you sure he was faking it? He seems he just needed some cheering and tolerance to mistakes. You wanted to be mean, but you ended by being supportive.
I am not sure about this. I think he was an idiot and she did a fine job of it, and if he does not really learn from it, then she might be wiser to dump him, but on the other hand, people change all the time. Just because he behaved like a lazy ass once, does not mean he will be a bad father for instance. Life changes people. Marriage, buying a house, having kids... those are all major events that can change people to extremes.
Someone that is that disrespectful of her time and effort and expects his significant other to handle all chores is not going to step up as soon as he has a kid. Instead she's going to be doing all diaper changing, baths, meals, etc and basically the a single mom married to a man who only does the fun things like take the kid to the park. People shouldn't plan on kids fixing their relationships. He either is truly incompetent, in which case a kid isn't going to change that, or he is lazy and faking it and why would you have a kid with someone who treats you like that? Besides not everyone has kids.
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Sigh. (a) we do not know how long they've been together. If this is a new relationship and he's screwed up this first time (ie early on), they need to recalibrate and she needs to say to him "that's strike one". (b) f-ing up her dress is not ok. Take it to a tailor and get it fixed - dyed or remade - whichever - at your own cost boyo. Sharpie ain't gonna cut it. (c). This thing of chores is exaggerated really. Just identify which items are life-threatening (food left out overnight), and which are not (unmade beds), and cover just your jobs.
It's a... bad idea to take score of a partner's bad decisions. She needs to tell him what he did wrong and what she wants him to do differently in the future. If he scoffs at it, she needs to walk away. No more, no less. It's one thing to look for patterns but what you're suggesting is to keep this internal list to hold against your partner. That only breeds resentment.
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I love how people are so quick to say dump him. How can you judge an entire relationship by only this story? She solved the problem and he's probably realizing how much she actually does. He could be a great guy otherwise. People can work through issues in an otherwise great relationship that's worth saving. Stop judging people based on what little you know.
What is a relationship without respect? He clearly doesn't have it for her. She stated that he cleaned just fine when he lived alone, so a conscious decision was made to put it on her once they moved in.
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Sure they do. He cleaned when he lived alone because nobody else would. Once he had a replacement for his mother, he stopped.
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You could SCROLL DOWN WITHOUT CLICKING if you don't want to read this story. I know its a novel concept but it's not hard.
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Dump him. This is what you do with a teenage kid who is lazy, not someone who is supposed to be a life partner. and if he is showing a desire to shirk helping and to gaslight on something so minor he is unreliable for bigger things
Beat me to it. My mom did this to my sister when my sister was in her early teens. Essentially, "you want to be treated like an adult, you better act like one, otherwise, stop your whining and learn, or deal with the imperfections of your mother who works full-time to feed you and clothe you while you insist she also be a eprfect cook and housekeeper"....
Load More Replies... I've had to deal with fake incompetence. When they say they shouldn't do it because they are not very good at it, I say no, that's exactly the reason why you should be doing it more, because you need to get better with practice.
Why do people stay with partners like this? You do realize that his behaviour is only going to get worse as you age, right? This is not someone you want to spend your life with. Move out.
Because often this behavior only comes out after you're invested in the relationship. And also because I hate to say it but it's not uncommon with men in certain areas. Never once had a woman do this to me in a relationship or at work. Had it happen with men though in both situations. But you're definitely right for the long term behavior.
Load More Replies... Nice work, but it won't be a suitable strategy with unfed, unwashed, unwatched children
Just break up with him. He straight up lied and tried to manipulate you, why would you want to continue that?
Weaponised incompetence is a manipulation tool, so is gaslighting (I am not suddenly incompetent, your criteria are too hight and such comments from the boyfriend). I hope he will clean up his act, but I bet he will break up the relationship to find an easier target. If she doesn't toss him out before.
My parents' marriage has never been this ridiculous or stupid. They both pull their weight and do what they have to do. This is probably why I am still single. I see how a relationship is truly supposed to be and I don't want to just settle for someone who might act like a child. This woman just needs to dump him because she can't continue this passive aggressiveness forever.
These posts make me very grateful for my partner. The dynamic between couples in these posts seems so off. You are his lover and partner in life, you are not his caretaker, it's so weird that people treat their partners this way.
This guy produced some textbook gas-lighting paired with malicious compliance expecting to gradually train her into serving his every need without having to lift a finger ever. So this brilliant woman responded by letting him drink his own cocktail of malicious compliance and gaslighting, served with a slice of lemon and an air of nonchalance. Like a boss.
I would have dumped him. You aren't his mother and he clearly has no respect for you. There are plenty of decent men in the world, you don't need to put up with babies.
Dump him. Imagine what life will be like if you get married and have children.
Lovely Friend, GET RID. I've never heard of such awful manipulation tactics in my life. I've been married for twenty years & if my husband pulled even one half example of this, he'd be toast. He wouldn't, because he's not a wanker. That said, dump him! He's disgusting. You deserve better.
I only worry about if they have kids later. My husband lived alone and was not so dumb before kids. After kids and me staying home (even though I'm working a few hours), he seems to have forgotten everything except his own work. I'm actually looking at his clothes on the floor in the kitchen right now... The hamper is by the bathroom
just don't pick it up for a while. let him be aweare of his own mess. otherwize, he will continue to treat you only as a maid
Load More Replies... You're dating a child who will only step up and do his share if you lie and manipulate him (in response to him manipulating you, I'm not blaming you for this). Is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life?
I swear some of these things have to be jokes right? Like you know this isn't the only issue in the relationship if this dude is willing to act like this. Why are people choosing to be in relationships like this? Why should you even have to ask your partner to wash the dishes? As if they didn't use the dishes themselves. And as if they aren't grown humans. I'm just gonna go out on the limb and say he's the a**h**e for his behavior but she's the a**h**e for staying with him. I'm having a hard time gathering up any sympathy for this one.
This is more problematic than you think: he's trying to train you like a circus animal....and has suckered you into using the same tactics in reverse. One day soon, you'll have this terrible yearning to actually relate openly to someone, without the games. Just leave before you get too depressed to take action.
Exactly!! This tit-for-tat exchange is not going to help either of them. It will perpetuate the dissonance in their home lives by giving him more ammo to consider her the bad guy. She needs to have a basic discussion about this with him (not the kind where she launches into accusations- she could calmly list some things she wants him to do and ask him if he will do them and do them right). He needs to be ditched if he doesn't have respect for her needs after that event takes place. She needs to quit trying to rile him up- if resentment builds, that can escalate into something far more severe.
Load More Replies... Another sad attempt by BP to just reproduce reddit threads. Get some new stories, BP, don't steal from Reddit.
Not everyone reads Reddit and this is a nice way for the rest of us to read these stories!! So what is your problem really!! 😵💫🤦🏼♀️🤷♀️🤫
Load More Replies... He only did everything fine when he was living alone because he had no choice. Once he wasn't living alone anymore he decided that his GF also needed to become a mom-servant to a manchild. She may have won this battle but there will be others because he is probably resenting the fact he lost and has to step up. His behavior is a harbinger of future behavior. If she stays with him and they later decide to get married and have kids, she is going to find out what it feels like to be a single mom while inside of a marriage!!!
That he even TRIED it on the first place. Throw the whole man away.
I mean you’re in the right, but… Once you decided you weren’t bonkers and he was actually pretending to be bad at chores to manipulate you, why would you keep him around at all?
For my wife, the little black dress would've been grounds for divorce. I agree with her that he got off too easily.
Ngl this is one of many reasons why moving in with someone isn't great.
Many here advising the OP to end the relationship. It might be worth it to stop the game playing and have a serious talk IF they're prepared to see the relationship end. I'd find this nonsense so tedious. If there are children in the future is it going to be about diapering or installing a car seat? Incompetence isn't amusing or sexy.
What is there to talk about? He knew very well what he was doing, and found it acceptable. This is an offence worth breaking up over. Why try to save a relationship with a childish loser when the world is full of actual men who know how to act like competent grown-ups? Is there a man shortage i don't know about?
Load More Replies... I really dislike people like this sack of shite of a BF. This attitude puts so much stress on people who care and they end up taking on way more responsibilities because otherwise it affects everyone in a bad way.
Seriously, they should dump the BF. What adult acts like that? And I doubt that behavior will get better over time since even the smallest things are already 'battles".
More snap judgements based off of insufficient context, gotta love it.
She provided more than enough context. So much for logic and reason!
Load More Replies... I don't think she's being petty at all. She wants a partner, not a child. But, I'm going to play Devil's advocate here and ask: what was his relationship with his Mother like? Did she coddle her perfect little boy & make sure all his needs were met? I taught BOTH of my children (one of each) how to: clean the house, wash dishes by hand (you may not always have a dishwasher) wash & dry their clothes, ironing, simple sewing, simple cooking, flower arranging and basic auto maintenance - all the while telling them they may have to do these things for themselves one day. One of my proudest moments was when my (then) 19 y/o son came over and asked if he could borrow my sewing kit - and then proceeded to repair the rip in the seam of his jacket. Perfectly.
sadly, this is something that many people (usually men, but people of other genders as well) do, quite often deliberately. it's played up for laughs in sitcoms - where the husband fakes being incompetent so he won't be asked to do whatever it is again - which is part of why it's so widespread. people, don't do this to your loved ones, and if someone calls you out on it, accept it and do your best to change, because it's shitty behavior.
His behavior was appalling but, without more context as to why he made/denied the mess, I would say that her reaction was unfair. She's probably not a bad person but her communication skills are terrible. Both parties are not mature enough for a relationship. If their current means of communication already doesn't work, coding the frustration in acceptance of the mess (passive-aggression) will only make it worse. If he is emotionally perceptive, he will feel hurt and lose motivation to improve. Or he will get defensive. If he isn't emotionally perceptive, it will all go completely over his head, nullifying her reaction. The solution is to sit down with no distractions and have a frank discussion (not to make accusations, just to discuss) the living space. If he makes it clear that he doesn't place an equal value on cleanliness, thinks your standards are ridiculous, and/or does not want to make an effort- walk away from that relationship and don't look back.
So almost every relationship is going to have an issue similar to this. My husband pees while standing even though he can't hit the broad side of a barn and he has destroyed so much of my clothing that he is no longer allowed anywhere near the laundry. How we handled it without needing to call the cops for attempted murder is we split chores. I do all the laundry, he does all the floors. I scrub the bathrooms he cleans up the rabbits litter and shampoo vac furniture. I do general pick-up and organizing, he does the majority of the cooking. Everyone has a chore they really hate or do poorly so that chore is the one your partner does while you do the chore they hate and suck at. Not a perfect solution but it has drastically reduced our irritation and fights. Might not work for you but it you have these kinds of woes then why not give it a try.
Why are people on BP so quick to empathize with people with depression and openly admitted character flaws yet so quick to dump on people who exhibit those same deficiencies, just without adequate context to know what's really going on? We don't really know anything about this guy or the woman who posted the rant. Not saying he's not guilty or that she's not right, but that's just it: we just don't know the full story. These sorts of posts and the resulting comments always make me cringe, and it makes me sad for people with genuine disabilities and difficulties being labeled as lazy asses who should be dumped immediately.
Tbh, I don't even think OP needs to do anything if she wants to end this relationship. Won't be surprised if he starts looking for someone who is 'better wife material' who can be his caretaker.
Except he doesn’t want ‘wife material’, he’s confusing a wife for a mother, and that’s creepy and disgusting.
Load More Replies... My roommate has an annoying habit of not removing leftover food, before putting his dirty dishes in the dishwasher. So whenever the dishes come out still dirty, I leave his things on the counter ... and only clean the other dishes. He already complained ... but I always answer with his own words, when I point out that he has, once again, put dishes with leftover food in the dishwasher. "It's just a little bit ... it's not that bad!"
A friend of mine when she went to live with her husband (back when it was the thing) she did the dishes a couple of times at the very beginning. After that she noticed that if she didn’t do them, nobody did. She just stop doing it, so they used all plates in the house till there were no more (even the silver bowls they got as wedding gifts). It was like a game. Once there was anything to eat in she said to her husband she was going to her parents because there the dishes were washed. In two days her husband called and chores weren’t a issu anymore.
They’re still together, more than twenty years later.
Load More Replies... Not The A__h_l_ - this guy tried to flat-out gaslight you into thinking you had ridiculous standards. Over what? A chore. A simple task performed by billions daily. He's a petty, ignorant, self-centered, mentally controlling jackass. Neither of you has any maturity to build this relationship upon.
You did great. I do same, not with food as my bf has chronic digestive disease and really can't afford eat anything even slightly doubting (it could cause internal bleeding) but for the rest with dishes and laundry I did same just made sure it was only his clothes and washed my own dishes. And I made a bit more scene around it. You did definitely better.
Are you sure he was faking it? He seems he just needed some cheering and tolerance to mistakes. You wanted to be mean, but you ended by being supportive.
I am not sure about this. I think he was an idiot and she did a fine job of it, and if he does not really learn from it, then she might be wiser to dump him, but on the other hand, people change all the time. Just because he behaved like a lazy ass once, does not mean he will be a bad father for instance. Life changes people. Marriage, buying a house, having kids... those are all major events that can change people to extremes.
Someone that is that disrespectful of her time and effort and expects his significant other to handle all chores is not going to step up as soon as he has a kid. Instead she's going to be doing all diaper changing, baths, meals, etc and basically the a single mom married to a man who only does the fun things like take the kid to the park. People shouldn't plan on kids fixing their relationships. He either is truly incompetent, in which case a kid isn't going to change that, or he is lazy and faking it and why would you have a kid with someone who treats you like that? Besides not everyone has kids.
Load More Replies... Sigh. (a) we do not know how long they've been together. If this is a new relationship and he's screwed up this first time (ie early on), they need to recalibrate and she needs to say to him "that's strike one". (b) f-ing up her dress is not ok. Take it to a tailor and get it fixed - dyed or remade - whichever - at your own cost boyo. Sharpie ain't gonna cut it. (c). This thing of chores is exaggerated really. Just identify which items are life-threatening (food left out overnight), and which are not (unmade beds), and cover just your jobs.
It's a... bad idea to take score of a partner's bad decisions. She needs to tell him what he did wrong and what she wants him to do differently in the future. If he scoffs at it, she needs to walk away. No more, no less. It's one thing to look for patterns but what you're suggesting is to keep this internal list to hold against your partner. That only breeds resentment.
Load More Replies... I love how people are so quick to say dump him. How can you judge an entire relationship by only this story? She solved the problem and he's probably realizing how much she actually does. He could be a great guy otherwise. People can work through issues in an otherwise great relationship that's worth saving. Stop judging people based on what little you know.
What is a relationship without respect? He clearly doesn't have it for her. She stated that he cleaned just fine when he lived alone, so a conscious decision was made to put it on her once they moved in.
Load More Replies... Sure they do. He cleaned when he lived alone because nobody else would. Once he had a replacement for his mother, he stopped.
Load More Replies... You could SCROLL DOWN WITHOUT CLICKING if you don't want to read this story. I know its a novel concept but it's not hard.
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