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“Blamed Me For Being Born”: 59 People Who Were Raised By Narcissists Share Their Painful Stories
Growing up with a parent is supposed to feel safe, right? Sadly, for some kids, that’s just a pipe dream. Instead of getting unconditional love and support, they end up dealing with an adult who only ever cares about themselves.
That’s basically what having a narcissistic parent is all about, and the popular subreddit r/raisedbynarcissists shows just how widespread this issue really is.
From a family that disowned their child for coming out as gay, to a father who refused to take his sick son to the hospital, this supportive online community features some truly horrific tales.
We’ve collected the most shocking ones that prove not everyone is fit to be a parent.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My Mom Who Disowned My For Being Gay Is Ready To Forgive Me, Oh And For Me To Financially Support Her And My Dad After He Retires Of Course
I don’t speak to any of my family anymore because they disowned me for being gay after i was outed. It hurt at the time but honestly the more time i spent away from them the more i realized how awful they truly were and how im better off. It still hurts and i still miss them sometimes but it is truly for the best, im a peace.
My cousin is the only person from my family im in (secret) contact with, so sometimes she’ll give me updates.
They have been telling people i ran away at 19 with an old pervert to live a life of sin and that im a pervert and some really other bizarre and gross nonsense. I’m not any of those things, and i didn’t run away they kicked me out and made me homeless lol, and my dad beat me and told me he’d [unalive] me if he ever saw me again, said he’d get away with it too and would bury my body in the backyard, but that would make them look bad so they won’t say that. Apparently I’m still a hot topic almost a decade later and I’m basically to blame for everything, again we’ve had zero contact since then.
I found out my brother (who actually was a drug addict) OD and passed a while ago, they didn’t reach out to even tell me. Again heard it from my cousin. There were six kids in my family and here’s how they turned out. One brothers [gone]. Another brothers wife made him cut off the family or shed divorce him, one’s in prison who SA to a minor and one of my sister has an onlyfans and is currently pregnant with our older sisters husband. Older sister was arrested for trying to run him over ( lol honestly I’m not mad at it) It’s a mess and the family is in shambles.
My mom has apparently been telling her sister (my cousins mom) that she is ready to forgive me and wants my social media savvy cousins to track me down. She said she is convinced that i can change and get better under her guidance as a mother. And all that “he can repent and god will forgive him” [nonsense]. When my aunt asked if she thought I’d be receptive my mom was confused, she thought I’d be grateful that she had finally decided that she was open to forgiveness, as long as i put in the work of course. Oh and my dad wants to retire soon and they are expecting me to financially support them because that’s a son’s job. Of course.
Again my great crime that hurt my mother so deeply, that i must work to gain her forgiveness for. Is being gay. They called me a pervert and implied i was dangerous to children, but then my brother who is, is a victim who was seduced by a little jezabel.
So im evil and disgusting because i like men but my father threatening to [end] me makes him a respectable and godly man.
Girl bye
Kate Johnson 5 hours ago
If she ever contacted me I'd tell her "I'd gladly let you starve before you'll ever get any help from me, so you'll want to back that truck right back down the street"
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#2
My Parents Made Me Eat My Pet Rabbit, And It Still Haunts Me
When I was about 7 years old, we lived out in the country and I had a pet rabbit named Daisy, and kept it in an outdoor cage, and fed and watered it twice a day, and took very good care of it and played with it often. One day, my abusive parents decided that having it was too much work, even though I was the one who cared for it, and without telling me, and cooked it for dinner.
They didn't tell me what we were eating until after dinner, then asked me how it tasted, then told me it was Daisy, and they laughed. I was horrified, felt like I had eaten my baby, and cried hysterically. They then got angry at me for crying.
I'll never forget that nor forgive myself, even though I know it wasn't my fault, I still feel horrible about it.
It's one of the many reasons I am no contact with my parents these days. How sick does someone need to be to do that to their child?
Kate Johnson 5 hours ago
I'm so sorry that happened to you. No contact is definitely the right choice.
#3
I Got A Warning At The Nursing Home I Work At For Reminding A Colleague That Some Parents Don't Deserve A Relationship With Their Adult Children
I constantly hear judgement from my colleagues about the adult children who don't visit their parents. I've bitten my tongue so far, but recently I had to step in when a colleague actually confronted a resident's adult child about it.
We have a resident who has 5 kids, 2 of whom have never visited. The other 3 have only visited once each, to deal with some legal documents and manage family affairs, and were all strictly business while they were there. Recently one of her children made an appointment to visit in order to drop off some photos she had asked her for, and when she arrived she decided to ask us to deliver the photos rather than visit face to face, citing covid concerns even though we do allow visits. My colleague decided to guilt trip her about her poor lonely mother who has been looking forward to the visit all week. I had to intervene and apologize to the poor woman, and I told my colleague that if all 5 of someone's kids are apprehensive about seeing them, it says more about them than it does about their kids. I got a warning, but I think it was worth it.
Update: the woman emailed to complain about my colleague and thank me for stepping in, so I received an apology and my colleague has been warned not to make judgemental comments in front of residents or family.
Being a good parent means putting someone else’s needs before your own. It takes real empathy, patience, and a willingness to step back so your child can grow. These basic qualities are almost completely missing in a narcissistic parent.
Experts believe that a narcissistic parent views their child as an extension of themselves — a tool to boost their own ego rather than an independent human being.
“Typically, the narcissistic parent perceives the independence of a child (including adult children) as a threat, and coerces the offspring to exist in the parent’s shadow, with unreasonable expectations. In a narcissistic parenting relationship, the child is rarely loved just for being herself or himself,” says Preston Ni, professor and author of ‘How to Communicate Effectively and Handle Difficult People.’
#4
My Brother Passed Away And My Parents Are Upset Because It Made Them Look Bad
My brother took his life and we just held the funeral/memorial over the weekend. My parents wanted to get the family together to spend time together. What was supposed to be together time turned into a full on lecture/cursing match with my parents saying that my brother's passing made them look like terrible parents and that they wished they never gave birth to him while simultaneously cursing all of their living children to terrible lives for calling them out on their toxic behavior. My parents "image" as perfect parents have been destroyed by his dpassing. He was 18.
Kate Johnson 5 hours ago
Another situation in which no contact seems like the only rational choice.
#5
My Mom Is Threatening To Sue Me For "Emotional Distress" After I Stopped Giving Her Money
I dont even know if this is legal but my mom (58F) is threatening to take me (31M) to court.
For the past 5 years I've been giving her $500 a month to help with her bills. She told me she was struggling financially and I wanted to help. I found out 3 months ago from my uncle that she's not struggling at all - she owns her house outright, has a pension, and just wanted extra spending money.
When I confronted her she admitted it but said I "owed her" for raising me and that it was the "least I could do after everything shes done for me."
I told her I'm not sending money anymore. She lost it. Called me ungrateful, said I'm abandoning her, the usual guilt trip.
Last week I got a letter from a lawyer saying shes suing me for "emotional distress and financial damages" because I "promised to support her" and me stopping the payments has caused her "severe mental anguish."
I never promised anything. I was just trying to help what I thought was a struggling parent.
I showed the letter to my own lawyer and he said its a frivolous lawsuit that won't go anywhere but I still have to respond to it. This is costing me money to defend myself against my own mother.
She texted me yesterday saying if I just resume the payments she'll drop the lawsuit. Its pure manipulation.
Kate Johnson 5 hours ago
I'd just tell her that you have hired a lawyer to respond, and when this is over you will be making sure that she pays all the legal costs for this frivolous and baseless lawsuit.
#6
My Alcoholic Mom Just Ruined My 3-Year-Old's Christmas Eve And I'm Heartbroken
I (27M) am sitting here at 1:30 AM on Christmas morning, and I just need to get this out.
My mom has struggled with alcohol for a long time. She’s staying with me, my girlfriend (S), and our 3-year-old daughter (D) right now because her car isn’t working and we live near her job.
She got off work at 6:00 PM and started drinking immediately. By the time S, D, and I got home at 7:00 PM, she was already tipsy. She kept drinking all night, and by the time D was in bed at 9:00 PM, she was completely sloshed.
I tried to be calm. I asked her to stop drinking. She said she might go out to a bar with a friend; I told her if she did, she couldn't come back "wasted." She didn't leave, but she kept drinking in the house while I was trying to wrap Christmas presents for S who was in the bedroom as to not spoil the presents I got her.
Then the pattern started. A pattern I recognize from my childhood. The grumbling, the moaning, the swearing. I knew an insane drunk tirade was coming.
I pulled S outside to talk to her and inform her of the impending clusterfuck. S and I decided right then: she had to go. I wasn't going to let D wake up to that.
When I told my mom I was driving her home, she lost it. She told us both to "[get lost]" stood up and started stomping around my home saying nasty things about us. She started grabbing and tossing her [stuff] together aggressively.
She tried to charge into D’s bedroom to grab her stuff and storm out, but she was so drunk and aggressive I couldn't let her in there. I had to physically grab her by the shirt and rip her out from my daughter's doorway.
She began babbling incoherent drunk swearing and couldn't organize her shit. So I pushed her aside grabbed her things and physically escorted her out of my apartment complex.
She told me to just leave her alone and let her take care of herself but she couldn't even walk straight. She doesn't have anywhere else safe to go or anyone to call and I was worried for her safety so I decided to drive her home against her will.
The drive to her house was a nightmare. She had a total psychotic fit screaming, hitting, and trying to throw herself out of the car while I was driving on the highway. I had to physically restrain her to keep her in the vehicle while I was driving. I finally got her home, took my house keys back, and told her to sleep it off.
Now I’m back home and I’m just… sad. I’m sad for her, and I’m sad for D. I looked in the gift my mom bought for D, and it was full of activities for them to do together tomorrow. It breaks my heart because I know there is a "good" version of my mom, but I can’t trust that version to show up anymore.
My partner and I have decided that for tomorrow and the foreseeable future she is not welcome in our home nor to be trusted with our daughter.
I feel like a jerk for kicking her out on Christmas Eve, but I had to protect my kid. I couldn't let my childhood trauma become my daughter’s reality.
TL;DR: My alcoholic mom tried to charge into my toddler’s room during a drunk tirade on Christmas Eve. I had to physically remove her and drive her home while physically restraining her from throwing herself out of the car on the highway. Now I’m spending Christmas morning feeling guilty and heartbroken.
One of the clearest tells is when a parent lives through their child. They push the child to achieve specific goals, not for the kid’s happiness, but so the parent can show them off like a trophy.
Studies also show that if the child succeeds in a way that steals the spotlight, the narcissistic parent might feel threatened and suddenly start putting them down to stay superior.
They basically see their own child’s success as a direct threat.
#7
My Dad Is Furious I'm Not Naming My Baby After Him
I'm 28 weeks pregnant with a boy (I'm 31F) and my husband and I are so excited. We've had the name picked out for months - Oliver James. Oliver is my husband's grandfather who passed away last year and was an amazing person who helped raise him. James is just a name we both loved.
Told my parents the name last week at dinner thinking they'd be happy for us. My dad's face immediately changed and he goes "What about David?" (his name). I said "what about it?" and he said he just assumed we'd name the baby after him since he's the grandfather and "that's what you're supposed to do."
I reminded him that my husband also has a father and grandfathers and that we chose a name that's meaningful to us. He got so mad. Started saying how he's done so much for me and this is how I repay him? By "erasing him from the family legacy"???
My mom jumped in trying to smooth things over suggesting we use David as a middle name. I said no, we've already decided on the name and we're not changing it. My dad literally stood up and left the table. Didn't say goodbye just walked out.
Since then he's been sending me articles about "family traditions" and "honoring your parents" and texting me different variations like "Oliver David" or "David Oliver." Yesterday he sent a long email about how hurt he is and how I'm being selfish and not thinking about anyone but myself.
My mom keeps calling asking me to "just consider it to keep the peace" but I don't want to. This is MY baby. My husband is fully supporting me but I feel guilty and stressed which is not good for the pregnancy.
LaurieAnnaT 3 hours ago
My mother had seven children and stressed to all of us to NEVER reveal what you are going to name a baby before that child is born. My mother was very wise.
#8
I Caught Myself And Stopped A Learned Narcissistic Trait, And Am So Proud Of Myself
Last fall my 18 month old little girl fell and fractured her skull (she's a climber). I took her to the emergency room for a spongy spot on her head where she hit it, and ended up staying at the hospital with her literally all day while she got scans and tests.
It was not how I had planned or wanted to spend my Saturday, and I found myself saying out loud to her, " I sure hope you are grateful to me for spending all day in this hospital with you. You owe me big!"
I mainly said it jokingly, but I stopped in horror after I said it. I realized I sounded exactly like my Nmom, who all of my life lorded her care of my multiple medical conditions over my head, as if she was somehow entitled to compensation or a pat on the back or a trophy for providing the minimum requirements for a child with extra medical needs. I was ashamed.
Even though my daughter was a baby, even though she didn't understand what I had said, I backtracked immediately and said out loud to her,
"No!! I am happy to be here with you in the hospital. I am HAPPY to give you whatever you need and make sure you are healthy and safe. I love being your mom, and you don't owe me anything for doing my job."
It felt good to know I am permanently breaking that cycle, and that the emotional blackmail and guilt trip buck stops with me.
#9
My Now-Husband Called Out My Parents During Our First Christmas Together. It Changed My Life
I am an only child. When I was around seven, my mom apparently decided that she didn’t like me much. By the time I was eight or nine, she had invented an imaginary sibling to compare me to. Their name was Justice, as it was a gender-neutral name she said she had saved if she ever did have another child.
Any time I did anything even slightly wrong, I was compared to Justice. If I didn’t eat my peas? “Justice would have eaten their peas!” If I talked back? “Justice wouldn’t speak to their mother that way.” If I begged for something at the store? “Justice wouldn’t be acting this way.” It was constant.
I finally got fed up, and would shout at her: “There is no Justice!” Of course, she and my dad thought this was hilarious, and they stuck it in their “cute childhood anecdote” files to bring up forevermore.
Christmas 2024 was my first Christmas with my now-husband. He had met my dad, but not my mom. Within minutes of us arriving they started telling “cute childhood anecdotes” and brought up Justice. My husband stared at them in utter shock and said quietly said, “You know that’s not normal, right?” The tension and shock was palpable - they literally malfunctioned.
That was the first time anyone in my 30+ years of life had stood up to them like that, or even acknowledged their bad behavior in a negative way. My husband’s love and healthy family opened my eyes to so much that I had never considered abusive or toxic before, and he helped me escape that system. Sometimes I think back on what I used to tolerate and almost have to laugh, because it’s just so absurd.
EDIT: A lot of y’all are asking what happened when he told them that. I wish something exciting or interesting, but they just kind of blew it off and laughed. They never brought it up again.
About 6 months later, the day after my husband’s dad [passed away] from terminal cancer, my dad was so cruel to me over something entirely unnecessary that I went full no-contact. They’re still harassing me to this day. I’m currently 16 weeks pregnant and have had to contact law enforcement regarding their stalking. 😅
Kate Johnson 4 hours ago
Oh please keep them away from your children! You must protect yourself and your family.
Another major sign is extreme emotional manipulation. Narcissistic parents frequently use the silent treatment or withhold affection as a form of punishment when their demands aren’t met.
A study published in the International Journal of Body, Mind and Culture found that such parents often guilt-trip their children and turn every situation into a story where they are either the hero or the victim.
For example, imagine a child who works hard to win their parent’s approval. A narcissistic parent with high emotional intelligence will notice this deep desire. They will intentionally hold back praise, giving just enough affection once in a while to keep the child hooked and trying harder.
They also know exactly which words will trigger the child’s insecurity, keeping the child eager to please and easy to manage.
#10
My Dad Secretly Spied On Me For 7 Years Through My Car
Me (24F), and my husband (27M) found last week a gps, microphone, etc in my car.
When I turned 18, my dad gave me a car as a “gift.” It was basic, but I was grateful , I thought it was his way of showing support as I started my adult life.
But over the years, things never felt right. He always seemed to know where I was, who I was with, or even what I was talking about. And a lot of the times my car wouldn't start; he always said the battery was run-down, i suspected, now i know it was him turning the car off remotely through his phone. My gut always told me something was off, but every time I brought it up, he denied everything and made me feel paranoid.
Now, last week, my husband and I finally found a GPS, a microphone, and even a small camera hidden inside the car. When my husband started removing them, my dad instantly shuted off the car remotely. That’s when it hit me — he had been watching and listening this entire time.
I can’t describe how disgusting and violated I feel. This wasn’t love or protection — it was control, manipulation, and obsession. And worst of all, the car is not even in my name yet. It's still in his name.
I don’t even know where to start — legally, emotionally, or spiritually. Has anyone ever gone through something like this? What did you do after realizing someone you trusted was invading your privacy like this?
#11
He Got Himself Treatment For What He Almost Let End Me
In my teens I got diverticulitis that he didn't believe was real. Not even when it turned into sepsis, and I was visibly delirious, I stopped reacting to the severe pain, and very hot to the touch. He said I was faking, then when my younger siblings screamed and cried begging him to take me to the doctor, he said he would do it to shut them up and prove I'm being dramatic about a flu. One had even gone on their knees begging while sobbing because they were sure I was going to [pass away].
I didn't go home that night. I was hospitalized, which I was too sick to really remember. I just have snippets mostly in nightmares that I still have. My dad pulled back on the medical neglect because the doctor was LIVID with him and told him point blank that if my siblings hadn't managed to convince him, I would have [passed away] the next day. My bowels were so bloated with infection they were at real risk of rupturing. They would eventually, without treatment.
I got CFS as a post infection response. A couple years of regularly falling asleep sitting up before it got slowly better. I lost so much. I would lose more soon because of the consequences of his neglect on my genetic condition.
I just got a text from the only sibling that talks to him. He went to the hospital for diverticulitis. But he got to walk away with oral antibiotics because of course when he got it, he got to have care before it was nearly fatal. He gets to be believed. He doesn't have to face years of consequences because he didn't believe it wasn't just drama and weakness when he was the patient.
It is also, nearly 10 years since I had it.
I feel very bitter and angry for teenage me.
#12
Found Out My Mom Sedated Me When I Was A Baby So I Wouldn't Disrupt Her Sleep
I discovered this from my dad after one night over the holidays when my dear 6 week old daughter needed milk and her diaper changed at 3am. Which I believe is perfectly normal for a baby at that stage.
My dad - who was staying with us over Christmas - didn't take this well at all: He barged into our room without knocking whilst we were feeding the baby and trying to soothe her, yelling about his disrupted sleep. (His exact words being 'How TH do you expect me to sleep like this) My husband and I told him firmly he needs to accept this would happen with a small baby in the house, causing him to go on about how I would clearly never be as competent as my mother was given I supposedly never woke them up at night. We didn't care of course and just went back to trying to get my daughter to sleep again.
The next morning he tried to pretend nothing happened, and tried to make conversation with us at breakfast during which he blurted out that my mother had [sedated] me when I was a baby with some sort of Chinese herbal medicine (prescribed by her family members) which had sedative properties in addition to supposedly stopping the baby from feeling hungry somehow. This was because she couldn't deal with me waking them up every hour during the first week.
I am just apoplectic on hearing this; seriously I cannot find the words to describe my mother's behaviour. Could never in my worst nightmares imagine doing this to my own daughter who wasn't sleeping at all in the first couple of weeks.
(Later also found out my dad was not actually even asleep at 3am but had the door to the guest bedroom open to listen in on us, apparently out of concern for his grandchild. My SIL was staying there weeks before and never got woken up. Safe to say we won't be having him to stay again.)
Some narcissistic parents are also extremely rigid about how their kids should act. They try to control every tiny detail of their child’s life, and the second things don’t go according to plan, they might lose their temper.
These parents are like walking landmines — extremely touchy and easily set off. A child could trigger an explosive reaction over small things, like not answering a text fast enough, or even by simply walking into the room at the wrong moment.
“Narcissists are often angry and aggressive when they feel disappointed or frustrated. If they believe their child is being critical or defiant, they can lash out. These reactions can manifest as screaming, sudden bouts of rage or, in more severe cases, physical violence,” says Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and professor at California State University, Los Angeles.
At the same time, the emotions of others can make narcissistic people uncomfortable. “They may shame their child into not sharing their emotions at all with phrases like, ‘Get over yourself, it wasn’t that big of a deal,’ or, ‘Stop crying and toughen up.’”
#13
I Finally Told My Mom What 9 Yo Me Could Never Say
Quick backstory: I got engaged in 2022. My mom was happy for me (or so I thought), but her first response was "what?! Without asking my permission?" Obviously, a "joke". A few weeks later, happiness turned into annoyance we weren't doing an engagement shoot; the climax was when we told her we were not disinviting someone she had quarreled with 2 years prior. That led to 3.5 years of her ignoring us, as well as the birth of our daughter.
This past summer, we move back to the area she lives in; me 7 months pregnant. At 9.5 months pregnant, she hits me up out of nowhere, bending over backwards, saying that she would like to meet up but will work with my schedule, and is happy to make the 3.5 hr drive to speak in person. She even acknowledges that she knows I have a due date coming up and is happy to meet after that. I tell her that if she reaches out on or after a certain date (2 mo postpartum) I will make time. She does, we make a plan; life goes on.
A week before we're set to meet, she hits me with "I'm sick with what feels like covid. Going to need to push back our meeting." Didn't even bother to acknowledge the fact that she's bailing on plans she requested we make.
Four days later, today, she texts me: "Good morning. Would you like to go ahead with Saturday as planned? It will be day 13 of covid quarantine. I can't do next weekend and the following is right before Christmas. Your call."
Y'all, when I say that I sat with this and asked myself "what does 9 year old me want to say?" I really mean it. I spent HOURS going over it, poring over every word, making sure that every single syllable was correct and conveyed exactly what I never was able to say growing up. This is what I said:
"No, I would not. After ignoring me for three and a half years, to include the births of my two children, you reached out to meet up, feigning prioritization of my schedule. Once I accepted, you then canceled on me without apology or any attempt to reschedule, just "This is what I've decided." Now, you pull a bait-and-switch, only offering to reschedule as dictated by your convenience, in stark contrast to your earlier attitude. I called out this behavior three years ago, and it's clear nothing has changed: you are willing to use emotional manipulation to gain control of the relationship. I do not deserve this treatment and will not accept it. Until you've addressed your issues and have a clear track record of emotional health, please do not contact me—we won't have a relationship while you're like this."
It was hard and it was scary. I fought every voice in my head telling me this isn't a big deal and that I'm blowing things out of proportion. I asked my husband to hold me while I sent it. And then I sent it.
I ended things on my terms, honoring the little girl who had nobody in her corner. I see the abuse and I refuse to perpetuate this another generation. My family and I are free.
#14
I Finally Saw My Childhood Through My Daughter’s Eyes
I spent years gaslighting myself into believing my narcissistic parents would treat my daughter differently than they treated me.
I told myself they loved her too much. That being grandparents is different. I wanted her to have the kind of grandparent relationship I had with my grandmother, the only person who ever made me feel truly loved.
Today, that illusion shattered because my daughter told me something.
My six-year-old was proudly feeding the chicks on my parents’ farm. She accidentally stepped on some egg yolk that was on the ground.
My father screamed at her out of nowhere, asking if she was “out of her mind“ and something like „she‘s not normal“.
Then she hid under the kitchen table because she was scared of him before running to my mother.
When she told me the story, I heard the confusion and fear in her voice.
Something broke inside me.
It hit me all over again that it is not normal for a grown man to lose control like that over a six-year-old.
I endured decades of his random outbursts and convinced myself my daughter would somehow be spared. She was crying and said it was all her fault. I have never felt a rage like that before.
I blocked him immediately and threatened him by texting my mom that I’ll call the cops on him or anybody trying to hurt my child because idgaf anymore.
The strangest part was realizing my daughter didn’t understand his behavior. She looked genuinely confused because she has never been treated that way before.
For the first time, I felt proud instead of guilty.
She will never be alone with my parents again.
The cycle ends with me.
#15
It Finally Happened. The Mask Slipped, The Veil Lifted, Everyone Sees Who She Is, And It’s Glorious
My mother has been [toxic] my entire life. I went NC with her 2 years ago. I didn’t have the flying monkeys, but my sibling would try and defend her, despite my mother emotionally manipulating my nephews in such ways that I would have had her criminally charged for. In amongst other things she was emotionally manipulating one of her grandchildren, saying “if you move out of my house I’ll end it as I will have no one to care for me”.
Recently she attempted to absolutely destroy the life of my sibling, the former GC, out of sheer jealousy. I won’t go into details due to potentially doxxing myself, but my sibling nearly ended their own life due to what my mother has done to them.
A few months ago we had a family meet up with family that live overseas who were here visiting. It was pleasant until I attempted to leave, at which point my mother made some digs in an attempt to get me to lose my temper and be the bad person. It didn’t go as planned, she was put in her place by myself, my sibling, and my mother’s sibling, for over an hour. It was glorious! It was an eye opening evening for a lot of people, who all checked in with me the next day asking how I was, due to my mother announcing to the room she “wish she’d tried harder” when I mentioned a time she tried to kill me as a teen.
Fast forward 6 months, she’s alone, her adult children have nothing to do with her, only 1 of her 5 grandchildren have anything to do with her (purely because they’re paid as a carer and my sibling insists that if they’re getting paid they can help out occasionally *but has set strict limitations on what they’re to do for our mother*) but even they dislike her.
I just wanted to post and say, it can and *does* happen. Not always. But sometimes, us black sheep get some justice, and the narc gets their karma!
Aside from the obvious fact that living with someone who doesn’t care about you completely sucks, the more serious psychological damage runs much further than just hurt feelings.
When you grow up with a narcissistic parent, your entire environment becomes unpredictable. You never know which version of your parent you’ll get. One day they might show you affection, but the next day they completely ignore you.
Acceptance is never guaranteed, and it’s strictly conditional, meaning you only get love when you perform well or do exactly what they want. Because of this, kids in these homes never build a true sense of emotional safety.
#16
Can We Just Appreciate How My In Laws Shutdown My Narc Parents??
So for some background I have Narcissistic Parents. They constantly made my life a living hell. So I cut them off. But if any of you have experience with having Narc Parents just know that evil doesn’t [vanish] so easily.
My parents would make up lies about how I treat them and constantly try to play the victim. But in reality they are the ones who treat me like [trash] and call me horrible names. At first they tried with my fiance but he immediately shut it down. He knew they were liars and could hear my parents through the phone when they would call me names. Last time they tried to lie to him again and all he had to say was “I heard you”, immediately they hang up the call.
Once they knew they couldn’t get to my fiance they went to my In laws. My parents told them horrible things about me, that I am a pathological liar, and that they needed to “beware”of me. Most in laws would dump me off the street. But thankfully my in laws love me so much that they actually called and listened to me. My fiancé and I told them everything about my parents and they believed us 100%. Because I am the one who made a relationship with them not my parents. My parents never even attempted to be friends with my in laws.
Recently my in laws told me that they understood why I didn’t want them talking to my parents. Each time they do it has never been anything nice or pleasant about me. It’s not about caring what my parents think about their family, what matters is supporting and loving me because that is what I need right now. So just even talking to my parents and entertaining their negative conversation about me that hurts me and they don’t ever want that. Because their loyalty is to their son and now their daughter.
I cried hearing that. I have never felt so loved and so seen in that moment. Not even my own family members love me that much.
Today my parents asked to speak to my in laws again. But do you know what their reply was??? “Respectfully we don’t want to talk about anything relating to OP and our son” my parents have been absolute crickets!!! TENS ACROSS THE BOARD letting my parents know they are done with their [attitude]!!
#17
28f — Parents Surprise-Visited Me To Force Me Into Arranged Marriage Talks And My Mother Had A Complete Breakdown
My parents made a surprise visit to see me after I repeatedly told them I would not come home to meet a guy for an arranged marriage because I’m already in a relationship. Despite knowing this, they had already made commitments to the other guy’s family and came here to forcefully take me back with them.
The fight started last night and continued nonstop into today. My mother spent the entire night sitting awake crying while my father kept dozing off in between because nobody had slept properly. Whenever he asked her to sleep or calm down, she started cursing him too.
Today things escalated to a level I genuinely cannot process. My mother completely lost control emotionally. She kept screaming that I ruined her life and reputation, said she would die here, refused to let me leave the house, threatened to stop eating, and kept switching between crying, screaming, begging, and cursing within minutes.
She broke all her bangles dramatically, removed her mangalsutra, started hitting herself with a chappal, held my feet while crying, and even bit my foot while begging me not to leave or go against them. One moment she was acting like she would collapse from crying and the next moment she was aggressively blocking me from stepping out. The entire atmosphere felt chaotic and emotionally terrifying.
Meanwhile my father eventually just left for home because they had commitments to the other family, leaving me alone to handle this entire situation and her breakdown by myself after almost no sleep for more than a day.
Edit: I live in India but in a different city, they have come to my house and my mother is holding me hostage
#18
My Dad Grabbed Me By My Arm In Public
I told him to keep his hands to himself and to stop violating my personal space. He shouted “I will violate you any way that I want!” And now it’s my fault people think he’s a [criminal].
I am lucky enough that he never [harassed me] but apparently I am to blame for people interpreting his words like that.
A study published in the medical journal Cureus shows that over time, the constant instability at home messes with a person’s identity. Adults raised in these conditions often struggle with a broken self-image and have a really hard time managing heavy emotions like stress, anger, or sadness. They are also far more likely to battle anxiety and depression later in life.
Worst of all, without help, these toxic patterns can get passed down to the next generation. Kids raised by narcissists sometimes internalize those dysfunctional behaviors, unconsciously repeating the same narcissistic habits with their own children simply because it was the only model of love they ever knew.
#19
Late Dad Gambled Away Generational Wealth
My dad [passed away] a few months ago. Everyone knew that he had a gambling problem but no one knew how bad it really was. He received a HUGE trust fund about 20 years ago. Like enough that he could have lived a baller lifestyle for the rest of his life and still had a ton to leave future generations. Well, he was an idiot and decided to immediately liquidate everything and have a massive amount of cash, because ego. Every single financial advisor told him not to do that, but what do they know?
Then he started spending like a mad man, properties, cars, whatever he wanted. Which wasn’t that bad compared to the damage he did gambling. Since he [passed], I am now responsible for overseeing his “finances” to help my mom. Once I started looking into everything, it made me sick. I estimate that he gambled away close to $20 million. In less than 20 years! There’s nothing left! He didn’t think about anyone but himself. Nothing left even for my mom who is still in great health and has many years left to live. He lied to everyone for a long time. I’m so pissed! He really owned that whole “leave them with zero” [nonsense]. And it’s not like he was making big bets, he was literally going to the casino everyday and playing slots and keno and [stuff]. At one point it looks like he was gambling over $100,000 a month! But oh yeah, he would tell you about how you’re stupid and don’t know [a thing]. I’m glad he’s gone.
#20
My Mom's AI ""Therapist"" Is Taking My Side
Disclaimer that I do genuinely love my mom, and that I am worried about her. That said, she is mentally ill and doesn't do much to mitigate it, and this makes her extremely overbearing. I'm her only child, which means I'm either the golden child or the scapegoat depending on what she's going through at the time, and it is absolutely exhausting.
That said, my mom loves being validated, and she doesn't have too many friends to do that for her. After discovering Claude in 2025, she started messaging it frequently both for work (reasonable for what she does) and increasingly for personal conflicts. As dystopian as it is, I've gotten used to "Claude said" being used as a legitimate point of argument. She didn't bring it up frequently, but obviously it always bugged me that she was using this thing as a pseudo-counselor.
Recently I was visiting and my laptop was [out of battery], so I used her laptop to look up something in my email. I saw her Claude tab was open, and out of curiosity, I opened it. One of the fairly recent threads was her talking about how she was "in extreme distress" over my life choices (which include moving out instead of living with her indefinitely after college and having a gf (I am a lesbian)).
It did absolutely [hurt] me to see that despite the fact that AI is trained to be a yes-man, it was actually telling her (in very polite terms) that she was being a weirdo. Its response boiled down to "it's pretty normal for adult children to move out and call you less than they used to, nothing about this sounds weird. You good?" She ragequit the chat by telling it that its training data was stupid.
Not really a story with a point, just a funny/sad little anecdote. If your literal Feelgood Reassurance Bot is telling you that you're harsh and demeaning to your kid... I dunno, maybe it has a point?
Whether you’re the child of a narcissistic parent or the parent of a child with another narcissistic parent, resources are available that can help you navigate this relationship.
Research shows that with the right support, like targeted trauma therapy, survivors can actually rebuild their confidence.
People can also learn how to set firm, healthy boundaries and build a stable sense of who they really are.
#21
My Nfather Created A "Corrected" Version Of My Childhood Photo Album
While visiting my parents, I found a photo album I'd never seen before. It contained all the same pictures from my childhood, but my father had meticulously edited them:
Photos of me crying had captions like "Dramatic performance over minor issues"
Pictures of my achievements were labeled "Compensating for inadequacy"
Any image where I looked happy had notes like "Superficial enjoyment, underlying issues clear"
He'd even drawn arrows pointing to my posture or facial expressions with clinical analysis
The most heartbreaking was a picture of my 7th birthday where he'd written: "Notice the lack of genuine connection with peers. Early signs of social dysfunction."
I always knew he was critical, but seeing my entire childhood rewritten through this pathological lens broke something in me. My mother says "it's just his way of coping," but this feels like psychological violence.
Kate Johnson 4 hours ago
I would never go near or speak to him again. EVER. Mom either. Just vile.
#22
Things Nobody Talks About But Everyone Who Grew Up With Narcissistic Parents Secretly Relates To
1️⃣ You’re not even comfortable doing something normal or simple when they’re around.
2️⃣ You were always judged or neglected, but now they blame you “Why can’t you talk to us?”
3️⃣ Even as an adult, your nervous system still goes on high alert when the same patterns repeat.
4️⃣ No matter how mentally strong you’ve become, your heartbeat still races when someone raises their voice.
5️⃣ You were never allowed to be free your actions depended on your parents’ mood either for survival or obedience.
6️⃣ You analysis thousands of conversation before reaching.
7️⃣ you have worst amount of inferiority complex but can't do anything.
8️⃣ You don’t feel safe having marriage. Cause you fear you either end up like them or it will be same as before. Your dream of having peaceful & loving family is uncertain.
9️⃣ You get super jealous when you show your friend's family enjoying together.
🔟 You love deeply but never learned to express.
…and the worst part? People blame you with : "they are parents"," Even if they did something it's your job to change "(as if we have self-controll).”
These stories reveal just how crucial it is for all of us to truly understand narcissistic traits.
Taking a hard look at these dynamics can help us audit our own relationships. It can also help ensure we don’t unknowingly pass these toxic habits down to those we love.
#23
My Nmom Is Furious That My Engagement Photos Don't Include Her And Is Demanding We Reshoot Them "As A Family"
I got engaged last month and my fiancé and I did a beautiful photo session, just the two of us (as expected) in a park with a professional photographer. Posted a few on social media to announce the engagement. My mother called me screaming that I'm "erasing her from my life" because there are no photos of her with us. She said engagement photos are supposed to include "the whole family" and that I've humiliated her in front of relatives. Now she's demanding we pay for another photo session that includes her and my dad, or she's "boycotting the wedding." I did not know where the hell did she find an engagement photo with the parents? Dad's embarassed for her as usual. It's annoying but I guess I'm just used to her antics.
Kate Johnson 4 hours ago
I'd just tell her that maybe it was better if she didn't come to my wedding since she's clearly incapable of not making it all about her and I'd like a break from that on my wedding day.
#24
My Mother's Friends All Shut Her Down When She Told A Story About My "Badness"
For context, when I was three years old, I was in the washroom and decided to try on my mom's necklace. In all fairness, it was a beautiful thing that she had worn to her wedding. But I dropped in in the toilet. Then, 3 year old, impulsive, later to be diagnosed ADHD me, flushed it. And obviously, it flushed, never to be seen again.
I have always felt terrible about this. I have apologized for many, many years. Age 6, age 9, age 13 - I'm sorry mom for flushing your necklace down the toilet. I'm sure we're all familiar with those petty, insulted responses.
So recently, at a dinner party with all of her neighbourhood friends, Mom decides to pipe up and tell the story of how awful little u/Spontanemoose destroyed her property. One-upping everyone's light-hearted tales, of course.
Mom starts the story: "When u/Spontanemoose was three-"
Here she gets cut off by "Tom", a teacher, great guy: "She was three? Shouldn't she have been supervised!?"
Mom didn't even get to tell her story! The entire party agreed with Tom instantly, no-way it's the three-year-old's fault! My mother was stunned and didn't say anything as the conversation moved on.
I have never felt that amazed, and god, so relieved.
#25
Wasn’t Expecting That Response, Nmom?
My Nmom dropped by this morning and got more than she bargained for!
My 9 year old daughter told me out loud that she loved me, and though I encourage it, saying so is a no-no when Nmom is around. To her, it must imply she loves me MORE than her, and if my daughter doesn’t follow it up with a quick “I love you too, Grandharpy,” there’s Hell to pay.
My daughter didn’t follow it up.
So Nmom takes matters into her own hands and goes into this monologue about how “I love you the most! And I am going to [pass away] someday! ....but when I’m [gone], I’m going to follow you wherever you go with my arms around you the whole time!”
After a pause, my daughter, totally deadpan replied, “You’re creepy.”
That kid rocks my world!
#26
My Nmom Applied To Be A Foster Parent And I Was Able To Stop It From Happening
A few months ago my Nmom, that I’ve been no contact with for the last 8 years, applied to be a foster parent. She has been trying to get pregnant again for years. She wanted a do over but thankfully that failed every time.
The only reason I found out is because the company they were going through had to reach out to the adult child of families applying to fill out a questionnaire.
I can’t even explain the extreme levels of fear that instantly shot through me at the thought of her having another child in her home.
I wrote out an email sharing the key points of my mistreatment/neglect and filled out the questionnaire and sent everything over and was left to wait.
Two weeks later my sister got impatient so she called them and they confirmed that their application had been denied and that there were red flags even before they heard from us.
I had very little faith in the foster care system but they actually listened and thanks to that those kids are at least safe from her.
#27
I Moved Out When My Parents Were On Vacation Over A Year Ago, And I Finally Ran Into My Mom At The Nail Salon
It’s been over a year since I posted on here telling everyone that I moved out while my parents were on vacation and I can genuinely say it was one of the best decisions I have ever made, and I finally feel at peace. I am able to actually lose weight and keep it off & I found a phenomenal physician that’s willing to work with me and keep me accountable. I’m officially now my third semester of college and my home is peaceful enough for me to do homework and study. I have a good job that pays my rent that I’m grateful for. Slowly, and surely ever since I went no contact with my parents. My life has just improving.
I went to the nail salon on Saturday after work and as I pull into the parking lot, I see a car that looks familiar and my gut already told me it was my mom. As I walk in, we literally look at each other, I flash her quick smile, and we don’t say one word to each other. I go to my nail lady and do my nails and she was finishing up her set of nails she gets out to go, wash her hands and still doesn’t say anything as she walks pass me. She ends up, finishing her nails first and leaving, but I noticed she didn’t pull out of the parking lot. She waited in her car so when I finished up my nails, I don’t know if she was hoping that I would come to her car and talk to her, I got into my car and I left.
To anyone in this form, I promise you life gets better as soon as you cut those demons out.
#28
My Mom Always Blamed Me For Being A Difficult Baby, Now I Found Out That It Wasn’t My Fault
Of course it’s never a baby’s fault if they’re difficult, they’re babies. I always told my mom that no baby is ever intentionally difficult when I was trying to defend my infant self and she didn’t want to hear it. I was a difficult baby because I hated her and I never fixed my behavior, according to her. She also blamed me for being born two weeks before my due date and never acknowledged that again I didn’t choose when to be born as a fetus.
These things were always named as reasons why she always hated me and why I deserved to be mistreated (unlike my sister who was such an easy baby) and I never accepted the excuse but I genuinely thought I was a difficult baby and I had some sympathy for my mom for that.
Anyway my grandma lived with us for a little while when I was a baby and she broke down now and told me what she remembers. My mom forced her to wake me up when I fell asleep every time she went to work or anywhere so I would say goodbye. I had to be woken up if I slept too long. My grandma said I was the most tired baby she ever saw and I would cry whenever I was woken up because I was desperate for sleep.
She said my mom had heard from somewhere that she shouldn’t feed me as much as I wanted. She would apparently stop the feeding at a certain point even if I was still hungry. So of course I cried. My grandma called that the worst time in her life, she said she felt awful about the way I was treated.
But my mom still holds me crying as a baby against me.
Kate Johnson 4 hours ago
Why do you even speak to this wretched, horrible woman? She sounds like a sociopath.
#29
I Think "Jack And Jill Suites" Should Be Illegal For Homes With Children
The only bathroom in my parents house was a jack and jill suite, meaning the bathroom was in-between my parent's room and sister's room.
My sisters wouldn't let me go through their room because they said I was a pervert for trying to do so.
My parents very rarely let me go through their room because they said I might take their gun or their money.
I rarely took showers and I usually had [go to the bathroom] in the backyard, but if I went out at night my parents would freak out and beat me because they said I might have let in a burglar.
When I was in job corps the dorms had a similar layout but there was no "extra" person outside the dorms who didn't have a bathroom, EVERYONE had a bedroom with a bathroom attached.
I think if the bathroom was in a more wildly available location my relationship with my family would be completely different.
#30
I Sent The Decline Message!!!
Okay okay so this may not seem like a big thing but it kinda is for me.
Every year I DREAD having to go to my parents house for holidays. It’s always stressful, my dad acts like an ass, yells at my kids for being ever so slightly noisy (because they’re kids and they’re playing with their cousins). He also has to micromanage EVERYTHING right down to telling who can start first with putting their plate together at the “buffet” line and who sits where at the table.
And let’s not forget the inevitable racist comments, political comments, etc. All while he knows my stance on things, he brings [things] up all the time to get a reaction out of me.My husband hates going over there and so do my kids. None of us ever have a good time.
Sooooo when my mom sent the “Christmas invitation” Facebook messenger message… I FINALLY worked up the courage to say “we have other plans for Christmas but thank you for the invitation.”
I’m all nervous now. I just KNOW a phone call is coming eventually because my dad is gonna be all “why aren’t you guys coming to Christmas?” but I’m glad I at least got the “decline” out of the way. It was really hard to do, guys. But I did it. Whew.
Kate Johnson 4 hours ago
Yay! When he calls just tell him you're making your own traditions with your own separate family. It's okay not to t*****e your own family to make some miserable old man happily nasty.
#31
I Set A Boundary And Now I'm The "Ungrateful Daughter Who's Tearing The Family Apart"
I (28F) have been in therapy for two years dealing with the fallout of my nmom's behavior. After a lifetime of walking on eggshells, I finally did it. I told her that I would no longer engage in conversations where she screamed at me, and if she started, I would hang up the phone.
It took three days. She called, asked about my work, and the second I gave an answer she didn't like, the screaming started. My heart was pounding out of my chest, but I said, "Mom, I'm not going to listen to this. I love you, but I'm hanging up now." And I did.
The fallout has been nuclear. I've been bombarded with texts from her and my enabling father. I'm "disrespectful." I'm "holding grudges." I'm "too sensitive" and "can't take a joke." The latest one, the one that really stings, is that I'm an "ungrateful daughter who is tearing this family apart because of some therapist's lies."
The logical part of me knows this is the extinction burst. I know this is textbook. But the little girl in me is so, so sad and filled with doubt. I feel like I'm drowning in guilt. I know I didn't do anything wrong by protecting my peace, but why does it feel so awful? Has anyone else felt this crushing guilt after finally standing up for yourself? How do you sit with these feelings without caving?
Kate Johnson 4 hours ago
This should be evidence of the fact that they will never change. You can only change how much room you give these people in your life. They are manipulative and selfish and you can live a happier life when you break those chains.
#32
My Mom Called To Apologize For Everything After 30 Years And I Think It Might Have Been Worse Than Getting No Apology At All
I am 34 and I have been low contact with my mother for 6 years. Went to therapy for 4. I have done the work to accept that i will probably never get an apology and i need to grieve the mother i did not have so i can have peace. She called me tuesday out of nowhere. I was home with the tv on in the background, playing rolling riches on my laptop and almost let it go to voicemail because seeing her name still makes my stomach drop. Said she had been doing some reflecting and wanted to apologize for everything. That was the word she used. I sat there with the phone in my hand waiting for her to name something specific. Anything. She didn't. She just said she was sorry for "how things were" and that she hoped we could move forward. The whole apology was 90 seconds long. No mention of anything she actually did or acknowledgment of any specific thing she did to me. I asked her what she was apologizing for. She got irritated and said do you really need me to list it all out, isn't the apology enough. I told her no, it isn't, because a blanket sorry for everything is just a request to be forgiven without ever having to look at what you actually did. She hung up. I have been a mess ever since. Not because i wanted her to grovel but because for 6 years i had made peace with never getting an apology and now i have technically received one and it was so empty it managed to retraumatize me. I think i preferred the silence. At least the silence was honest.
#33
My Parents Kicked Me Out Of The House Before I Graduated High School Then Got Mad When I Took My Graduation Photos With The Family That Took Me In, And Not Them
They still deny they ever kicked me out but I will never forget packing all my shit because I didn't have the money they demanded at the time. I would have in a couple weeks but that wasn't good enough, they threatened a lot of other things and i didn't know my rights but they had been physically abusive at this point so I decided to leave for my own good. I don't know why I'm posting this, maybe because my therapy has been delayed for a month and a half now. About the photos, I was so grateful that anyone took me in at the time, and rightfully wanted nothing to do with my own parents in the moment. I should add I got kicked out for throwing one small party in high school. I cleaned and was willing to accept my punishment and make up for it, but their punishment was to demand money I didn't have.
Kate Johnson 4 hours ago
Sounds like it's good that they weren't included in your photos of that day.
#34
Narcissists Make You Feel Watched, Not Seen. I'm Beginning To Understand This "Fear Of Being Perceived"
I've never understood why I hate being watched while doing something. With housemates, for example, or even a partner, I will refrain from doing the most mundane task in front of another person.
#35
What Signs Were There That You Were In Distress As A Child?
So many of us wonder how we could be living in Hell at home, yet no one on the outside noticed or intervened. Narcissistic parents are classic Jekyll & Hyde’s: charming and nice to the outside world, and raging, controlling monsters at home.
Now that I’m a mom of a 4 year old, I can see how clearly children’s behavior is based on the parenting they’re receiving. There’s a girl at preschool who is very aggressive and hurts other children. The few times I’ve engaged with this 4 year old girl, she’ll reveal things like “I don’t like being home” and “my mom hurts me when she does my hair” and “my mom is always mad.” I grew up with a malignant mother who targeted me as her primary scapegoat, and it is hell. It breaks my heart every time I talk to that little girl.
And it made me wonder what signs my siblings and I showed as kids, and why no adults picked up on it.
- I (scapegoat, primarily through cruelty) developed shingles in 7th grade. Normally it’s an old person illness, and usually brought on by severe stress. I was also an extreme people pleaser, like very desperate and constantly seeking validation from others through boasting or fishing for compliments. I also had issues wetting the bed until I was like 6 or 7.
- My youngest sister (golden child) had weird skin eruptions all over her body as a kid. The doctors could never figure out what it was. She eventually developed an autoimmune disorder and vaginismus. Basically her body screaming for help, while having to act like the good, obedient girl on the outside.
- My other sister (scapegoat, primarily through control) developed chronic nervous tics as a little girl, like making noises, coughing, shaking her hands, wiping her knees, snorting, blinking strongly over and over. She also stuffed a bunch of cotton from a stuffed animal deep in her nose when she was a little girl, which had to be removed by a doctor. Clearly a child in severe distress.
- My brother (lost child) stopped speaking when he was 11. Selective mutism and then became a hardcore avoidant, totally disengaged from our family. Either hid in his room or stayed with friends. Also very quiet and angry at home, but cheerful and playful with his friends.
Like were adults in the 90s just dumb? So many obvious signs of mistreatment and stress in all 4 of us, yet people went along with my moms narrative that “our family is normal, it just so happens 2 of my daughters were born bad eggs. No clue why my other 2 kids have issues either!”
Did you show signs??
#36
I Turned Off My Location Tracking Since I Finally Am Paying For My Own Phone Plan, And My Mom Blew Up, As Expected
My (26f) mom (65f) has a history of tracking my location for reasons that go beyond the normal safety concerns for a relatively short, single young woman. My mom has often abused the privilege of tracking my phone to judge my eating and spending habits as well as manipulate and control who I hang out with, how long I’m gone, and where we go. This has been a constant since I got my first phone in middle school till about a week ago. As long as she was paying for it, she had the right to track me. One time my phone updated while I was out with a friend at 23 years old, and I stayed out later than expected. In fact, I was going to sleep over. But my phone’s update turned off my tracking, so my mom called the cops when I hadn’t even been gone 24 hours and was screaming and crying and I refused to give the cops my friend’s address cause that’s there personal info, I’m an adult, and I wasn’t in any danger. Ever since that day, I knew I couldn’t turn off my location until I got my own phone plan. Anywaysssss back to the real story.
I got my new phone plan a few days ago finally, and turned off location tracking a few days later. Within 24 hours, my mom freaked out cause she couldn’t track me anymore. “Did you stay with Verizon? We have a problem! We can’t track you anymore!” Didn’t even try to hide it. When I established my boundaries and reminded her she needed to trust I was an adult and would make safe decisions, she said “but what if you get in an accident and we don’t know where you are?!” “My car has an SOS system, and you guys are listed as emergency contacts in my phone for EMS so they can unlock it and call you.” “But what about x, y, z?” I offered other reasonable alternatives, “you can call or text me like you would any other adult, and we can schedule regular check in times if we know I’ll be gone for an extended period and I can update you if things change.” But she wasn’t having it and started with the guilt-tripping and over-exaggerations: “I guess if you [pass away], you [pass away], and I just shouldn’t [care].” So that was fun.
#37
My Mom Took Off Her Shirt In A Parking Lot Because She Saw My Septum Piercing… Is This Normal??
Okay so I genuinely need outside opinions because every time I tell this story people either laugh or just stare at me in shock.
My parents have always been pretty strict, especially my mom. Recently she found out I got my septum pierced while we were sitting inside somewhere public. She looked at me and was like “Is that a septum piercing?” and I tried to brush it off and act like it wasn’t.
She didn’t really react inside the building, so I thought maybe she was just annoyed but letting it go.
Then we got outside into the parking lot and out of nowhere she takes off her shirt and is literally standing there in just her bra in public while yelling at me to take the piercing out of my nose immediately.
Like ???
The whole thing felt so surreal that now I laugh when I think about it because it sounds fake. But at the same time I’m like… that’s actually such a bizarre reaction?? I genuinely can’t tell if this falls under “strict parent moment” or if that’s objectively weird behavior.
Has anyone else’s parents done stuff like this or am I right for thinking this was completely out of pocket?
#38
Whenever I Start Wondering Whether I Was The Problem, I Remember Birthday Messages Like This:
My mom’s message:
“After fighting with your dad to get him to agree for me to get pregnant, having a risky pregnancy (I had periods of bleeding) that made me have to give up work, putting on over 20 kilos during pregnancy (that I never got rid of), you being breech position at end of pregnancy, 5 days labour, me haemorrhaging when you were born due to multiple cuts inside me from the birth canal..... Happy birthday [Inquiteapredicament]”
Boy am I so glad not to be in that household nor that family chat anymore. Soon we’ll be flying abroad again too so a timezone difference to offset them financially ever making the effort to come down to see us.
I don’t know how many times I have to remind her I never asked to be here in the first place. And yet I get the age old “be grateful you are here” and “I can take you out of this world just as I brought you in”.
#39
Mum Thinks She Is A Viral Influencer And Is Quitting Her Job To “Do This Full Time”
I can’t even comprehend what goes through her mind at this point.
A few weeks ago, she reposted a funny video on her instagram account, which consists of existing videos with added music / text. (80 followers). This post reached 300k views and it made her completely obsessed with social media. All she talks about is how many likes and views she gets everyday, how people love her content and how she is a genius. (Adding to the usual monologues about herself). She gained like 100 followers and has now decided she was switching careers next month.
She wants to become a content creator who reviews products. She thinks she’ll just sign up to some UGC platform and get sent a ton of expensive products for free, make a quick video and get paid thousands from the start. All of this with AI filters to hide her real face of course. She’s worried about running out of space since brands will send her so many things. She’ll make sure to chose only luxury brands, food or travel stuff.
How can people become like this ? This is only a small portion of her behaviour and of course I shall not dare say anything because a 26yo has no experience on life.
Kate Johnson 4 hours ago
It's like a disease of chronic stupidity that's going around at an epidemic level.
#40
My Mother Changed My Birth Certificate And I Never Knew
I was supposed to get married in a few weeks, and I lost my birth certificate. When I went to city hall to retrieve a copy I didn’t exist in the system. Not understanding why, they asked if I had a step parent. I said yes and gave them the last name.
Well.. surprise my mother legally had me adopted and amended my birth certificate with the vitals office. I never knew she changed it and all my adult life I’ve used my real birth name. My entire life has my real maiden name attached to it.
I now have to legally change my name and revert it back on my birth certificate. Which isn’t cheap or fast (I’m in NY).
When I called and confronted her she first denied it. Saying it was never changed and then flipped it by saying I stood in front of the judge and asked for it. Which is a total lie. My stepfather was physically and emotionally abusive to the point I had to live with my grandma.
But. Here’s the kicker. If I wanted the name change why isn’t it on my school records? Why did she give me my original birth certificate for my drivers license?
I have a lot of questions, and honestly this isn’t the first time she pulled this. I found out I had a different dad when I was 29.
I’m feel so betrayed, but my grandma is telling me I’m over reacting and it’ll be a simple fix. But this is going to take about 6-9 months to correct and I can’t get a marriage license without a birth certificate.
I don’t want to talk my mother or see her. This is the last straw.
AIO?
#41
What Was The Most Shocking, Or Disturbing Thing Your Narc Parent(S) Ever Did/Said To You?
One of many for me is when I flew across the country to visit my Nmother over spring break back when I was in college. (She had paid for my plane ticket). While there visiting, she and I got into an altercation that resulted in her throwing me out of the house while I was barefoot and in my pajamas and she then proceeded to throw my suitcase and all of my clothes at me while I stood in the front yard sobbing. The last straw was her tearing up my plane ticket and telling me to “find a way home”. (This was back in the day when plane tickets were printed out and mailed to you).
With Mother’s Day approaching, this hurtful memory crossed my mind and it made me wonder what other people‘s experiences were with their narc parents.
#42
My Cousins Put My Mom In Her Place This Christmas And I’m Thrilled
My family got together for a belated Christmas celebration due to travel and sickness and whatever. My cousins were chatting with my husband about his job (he’s a Fed, been a fun time) and my mom butt into the conversation to wax lyrical about the current state of affairs. For the record, everyone in the room is a liberal. We all feel the same about politics. Anyway so she starts stirring the pot and steering the conversation towards unpleasant thing number 1, number 2, etc.
My cousin, who I don’t think I’ve EVER heard raise his voice, told her she didn’t know what she was talking about and she was trying to make a nice time nasty. He put her in her place. She stalked off angrily. His wife later went after her again for making the conversation all about her and why would she insist on ruining everyone’s peace.
I’m thrilled. I avoided this entire conversation all together by helping out in the kitchen but I overheard it. My mom is still pissed.
All my cousins told me that they knew about her behavior and stuff but they are mostly conflict avoidant, and also have felt they couldn’t help me when I was growing up for fear of being cut off from me entirely. While I understood it, it still sucked. Yesterday, I felt so validated. I didn’t even ask. Just feels good.
So belated Merry Christmas to me lol.
#43
Ding Dong The Witch Is Gone
I still went to work and had a few tears that morning. Then it clicked; I'm free. I'm free of being fearful of running into her when out and about. I'm free of the "will I, won't I" anxiety if I get offered to see her. I'm free! I am so happy, it feels manic.
On Thursday as I was walking out the door for work, I got this text message:
"Hi [OP], I know you and your Mom were not on good terms for a number of years, however considering the curcumstance I want to let you know that your Mom passed away on May 12th peacefully from bowel complications due to the cancer at [LOCAL] Hospital.
In time, I would hope that you could find it in your heart to forgive your Mom, even though she could not find it in her heart to forgive you! It serves no earthly reason or good to hold such bitterness & contempt in your heart, it will only serve as a catalyst in developing diseases in your own body down the road. Your Mom admitted this much to me when fighting cancer these last 18 months.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, no social media posts about your Mom's passing or your feelings toward her! Let's keep this a private matter between family! We ALL have been hurt enough by this family feud and now it is time to heal! Let's stop it right now!!!
I am balling my eyes out as a write this text in anticipation that this family could develop some form of normalcy and let go of the bitter long held feelings.
My wife, best friend, is gone from this earth; however, I will never forget her. She will be in my heart forever! Love [STEP-DAD]
P.S. I will be writing the very same text to [SISTER]"
The irony? She had Crohn's disease and would pop Imodium like they were tictacs. Karma really did bite her [back].
#44
My 3yo Just Denied My Nmom A Hug. Guess What Happened
Family vacation. My 3yo just wanted to play. She kept pestering for a hug, he kept refusing. When he started to run away, she quickly went, "well then, you are not my sweet boy anymore. Uncle is my sweet boy, I'll hug him. How about that?"
The look on my 3yo was of baffled sadness. He thought only he was the "sweet boy".
I stepped in and took him back to his games. She kept continuing "how about aunty is my sweet girl now. I'll hug her." To tease my son. Kept at it for a few more mins until we completely ingored her.
Why must they so quickly resort to just senseless cruelty to get what they want? She was just denied one hug by a kid, suck it up and move on. Why does she need to retaliate with a kid!!!
#45
My Therapist Explained My Butterfly-Phobia And That's Crazy
So, I have always been afraid of butterfly (lepidopterophobia), since I was a child.
Yesterday I was talking with my therapist about the fact that pregnancy truly scares me (even seeing a pregnant person triggers me). I was ... Uncomfortable talking about that, because that's not normal right?, and suddenly I said to her "I know that's crazy, but I am also afraid of butterfly, so ..." I was so nervous.
Well, I have dug my own grave lol. She started asking me what scared me so much about butterflies.
They fly in a erratic way and I just KNOW that they can sense my fear. My nmother has a mountain house and even when I was a child, I remember that as soon as I saw a butterfly, I would start running away and they would like, chase me? I know it's crazy, but ...
Their horrible, hairy body, hidden behind their fckng colourful wings. It truly makes me wanna puke. I can't even look at a photos of a butterfly. They're just ... awful. Disgusting.
She just nodded the whole time.
And then she asked me: what is so unpredictable in your life that scares/has alway scared you, and, what doesn't look as "golden" as the outside, in your life?
I felt like she had just punched me in the face. Because it's so obvious. Since I was a child, my mother's random tantrums have always scared the Hell out of me. And my family, on the outside have always looked... Perfect.
I was flabbergasted. My therapist told me that phobias are never connected to the things we seems to be afraid, but we are projecting over them (in my case, the butterflies) what truly scare us.
I wish I was able to explain this thing clearly, as she did to me.
I have alway thought that I was afraid of butterflies but hey, in reality it was all about my nmother.
#46
Mother Posted A Picture Of My Brother's Final Note To Facebook
This is a recent one, happened today, but my mother posted a picture of his note. It wasn’t addressed to her, it was for his wife and kids. She had to go to the police to specifically request a copy of it. They hadn’t seen each other in 1.5 years, because my mother is awful. It’s the final personal letter of him, I have been offered to see it but don’t want to because it’s not addressed to me. In my opinion it’s for his wife. If he would have wanted to write to anyone else he would have.
#47
Children Of Narc Parents Don’t Learn Life Skills Effectively
I just wanted to pass along a thought that maybe we all agree on, children of narcs aren’t able to learn life skills the way they deserve to, bc the parents do way too much. Parents tend to be aggressive, critical, manipulating, and controlling. You can’t even ask a simple question without them making up horrible assumptions about your intentions, thoughts, or feelings. Even in situations as simple as asking for preferences, they don’t care to teach you. They won’t allow you the chance to develop your own skills because they believe doing it all is a way to control you. It’s so annoying.
#48
I Just Grey Rocked My Mom So Hard, She Had A Meltdown
So, I'm 40 lol. Single, childfree woman, youngest girl in a family of 7 kids. Mormons. My mom is a covert narcissist, which has been a fairly new realization of mine.
There is currently some family conflict about family heirlooms and my mom called me to try to triangulate. I let her tell me her side of the story. Complete revision of facts, by the way. Of course, she's the victim.
I was able to say almost nothing until her baiting became obvious. She was begging for me to weigh in, to agree with her, to validate her. But instead I suggested that we all take time to cool down and revisit this once we've really had time to think about it.
My mom went silent at first and then was like "you're right, I shouldn't have said anything." I asked why she was upset with me and she denied being upset! So I pressed, I thought we were having a nice conversation? I listened to her? All I said was we all need to calm down?
She said she didnt appreciate being psychoanalized by her daughter and hung up on me! Im not sure how I feel about it. I had a rush of adrenaline that I'm still trying to calm down from.
#49
Narcissist Mothers Who Weaponise Their Daughters Hair
I saw a great Facebook post today that reminded me of something buried in childhood memory.
For many daughters of narcissist mothers, hair wasn't just hair. It was the one of the first places we were controlled and invalidated.
Did your mother always have a ready comment on your hair? Was she obsessed with how you looked? Did she ensure you had unflattering haircuts or get it cut too short? Mine did.
When I expressed my own style or independence it was seen as rebellion. Course she did.
This is very typical of them I know, such a small matter in the big picture - but I'd forgotten just how difficult this was growing up.
#50
Did Anyone Else Feel Emotionally Starved As A Child But Didn’t Realize It Until Adulthood?
i’ve been thinking a lot about my childhood lately and it’s hitting me how emotionally starved i actually was. at the time, i thought it was normal to comfort myself, hide my feelings and never expect any real support or understanding. i didn’t have the words for it back then, i just assumed other kids felt the same way.
now as an adult, i’m realizing how much i was missing. the lack of warmth, validation and emotional presence feels so obvious in hindsight. i didn’t grow up feeling seen, supported or safe. and it’s strange to look back and finally understand why i felt so disconnected from everyone around me.
with distance and time, the patterns from childhood are finally visible and the loneliness i felt makes sense now. did anyone else not realize how empty things were until much later?
#51
My Mom Was Supposed To Pick Me Up After Surgery. Instead My Son Took The Bus
I’m in my 50s and still unpacking things about my mom.
Growing up, she was always extremely emotionally absent. There was almost no affection, no comforting, and very little interest in my inner life. If something difficult came up, it would usually be minimized, dismissed, or redirected so it didn’t disrupt her version of things, and the perfect image she liked to portray.
A few examples:
When I had postpartum depression, she told me it was “just the baby blues.” When I raised concerns that my daughter might be autistic, she shut the conversation down immediately. When I struggle with something, the topic usually gets deflected rather than supported.
This week brought that pattern into sharp focus.
I had surgery to remove plates and screws from my leg from a bad break last year. My mom had said she would pick me up afterward.
When I woke up from anesthesia, I texted her that I was ready to go. Her response was something about dinner. Not directly saying she wouldn’t come, but enough that I got the message.
So instead of pushing it, I called my son.
He immediately got on a bus, came to the hospital, and we took an Uber home together.
My kids have stepped up all week; cooking, checking on me, making sure I’m okay. And it’s been impossible not to notice the contrast.
My children instinctively showed up for me when I was vulnerable. My own mother couldn’t even pick me up from surgery.
I think the hardest part is realizing this isn’t new. It’s the same pattern I’ve lived with my whole life. I do feel relief as well that I can finally confirm that it was her and not me, because I have been very confused.
And at least I know the cycle stopped with me.
#52
Kept The Birth Of My Child Private And Now I’m Paying For It
I had a baby just over a month ago. My husband and I decided we wanted everything about the delivery to be private- no visitors at all. We just thought it may reduce some stress, and we felt it was an intimate moment for just the two of us to share.
Anyway, my delivery was long and hard and ended in a c section. We ended up not telling anybody that our baby was born until about 24 hours after the fact because we were just exhausted and wanted to be sure nobody showed up without an invitation.
My husband’s family reacted so well to the news, they were super excited for us. My parents did not react well. My dad blew up on us saying we should be ashamed of ourselves, and how dare i break the news so late to them since they “helped pay for my college”, “came to emergency situations”, and raised me….My mom then sent me and my husband a message basically guilting us for the decision we made and for not telling them sooner.
The next day my dad sent me this long, hateful message essentially saying I did my parents wrong, I’m abusive, my husband is [mistreating] me(my husband is literally perfect so I don’t know where this came from) and that I will “be on an island alone with no love and support”. I responded and said I was sorry their feelings were hurt. I tried to understand where all these accusations were coming from, that I thought it was not right that we were getting treated this way for a decision that was ours to make, and that I was hurt that he would treat me this way and not even ask how I was doing so freshly postpartum when I’m already dealing with enough as is. My dad basically blew me off saying he didn’t ask how I was doing because I should just be giving this information without him having to ask, that he would not be following the rules we made for our child because we “do not control” him, and to not bother inviting him to see me and the baby because he “is done and to have a good life”.
This whole situation is sad and this reaction is just insane. My dad hasn’t spoken to me since, and I don’t feel like I should reach out at this point even though I feel sad about things going this way. My mom eventually said she felt bad for the way they acted but is now acting like nothing ever happened and I don’t know how to feel about that… I just want to know if I’m missing something and treated them poorly? I feel in my core that I just want to be done because it feels so exhausting pretending everything is fine but I also don’t want to lose contact with my family. This is just confusing and frustrating.
YakFactory 36 minutes ago
Congratulations on your little one. Don't let your parents upset you and your life. Show them that you, your husband and your baby can get on very well without them. There's not enough time in anybody's life to put up with difficult people. Be happy, and don't let anyone spoil your joy.
#53
What Is One Thing Your Narc Parent(S) Did Early In Your Childhood Your Remember Feeling Was Strange?
For me, I remember being like 3 or 4 years old and it was my birthday.
My mom took me to Toys R Us (iykyk) and told me to "pick out anything I wanted for my birthday, but nothing too expensive" which made me very excited because my birthday wasn't until the weekend. I picked out a big Little Mermaid doll you could take baths with. When we got home and I wanted to open it and play with it, my mom explained "No, you have to wait for your birthday. We have to wrap it up and you need to open it at your party. And pretend it's a BIG SURPRISE and that you didn't know what it was, and that it's the BEST gift among any of the other gifts."
Which I didn't understand, and was upset about because that's not how gifts worked at any point in my tiny life. You don't give them, then take them away, and you don't tell what it is.
Looking back now, she wanted her gift to be the best and wanted all the attention for it, without doing the work of knowing me AND making me budget the toy myself.
So yeah, mine started really young lol
#54
My Husband Adores Me And My Mom Hates It
My N mom was visiting for two weeks. I came home from work and my husband and my 7 y girl came running to me and we did a big family hug and I love you serenade.
And then I saw my mom’s face, filled with disgust and hatred.
WTH is wrong with her. She wanted to come to my house whenever she wants, staying months at a time. When she started to go through the house and screamed at my home keeping skills (I am a working mom) I have set boundaries and she got super depressed. After 1 year of banning her, I allowed two weeks this time and she is now finally on anti depressants so it was much better than before. She was able to shut her mouth when I told her to stop.
However, seeing that face of hatred because I have a loving family makes me think that she is genuinely a monster. She has emotional mentality of a child so an immature one, thankfully scared enough to not harm others but just mentally torment the easy and safe ones - her family.
WTH could be her problem? She [pressured] me to academically succeed, get a good job, threatened me to break up with a boy I really liked because his family was poor. I now have a good job, wealthy life, wealthy husband and in-laws and a perfect child and she is not satisfied. WTH is in her brain?
#55
Mom Switched My Natural Diamond Ring For A Fake Stone Behind My Back
When I was about 21, had a 1.75carat natural diamond ring. One day I took it off to wash my hands and accidentally left it in the bathroom of my mom’s house. I texted her shortly to tell her to keep it for me because I left it. Fast forward maybe a few months after, I was contemplating on whether I should sell the ring so I could invest in a business. At this point I was supporting my mother even if I had no job, not a lot but just a little so she had extra spending money. I also talked my siblings into each of us giving a little to her so it would add up. I brought the ring to my jeweler only to find out that the ring had been tampered with and the stone was now a cubic zirconia— At this point I knew my mom had switched it when I left the ring at her house. I wanted to give my mom a chance to return it so I made up some story, I told her I went to a jeweler and was told my ring was not real, and I wanted her to check in with her own jeweler (because my mom was also into jewelry), I hand her the ring and told her to get back to me. The very next day I receive a call from her; she sounded panicky; frantic…. she said she lost my ring…. she said she put it under her bra to safe keep and lost it oj her way to the jewelry shop… at this point I knew for sure she had done it and was just trying to hide the evidence that the stone was fake. What’s worse is the band itself was made of gold and even that she took from me. I stopped talking to her at that point and told her I knew the stone was already switched and I was just giving her a chance to switch it back. I felt so traumatized knowing my own mother would do this to me.
#56
Mother Was Appalled I Called Her A Narcissist. Today I Found Out She Was Planning To Show Up To My Wedding Unannounced
I have been low/ no contact with my mother for over a year now. LC only because she just kept texting me, pretending nothing ever happened between us, so I sent her one last, very long text a few months ago about how she should get her narcissism under control and to leave me alone. Since then I've muted her and fully ignored her. The only reason I haven't blocked her is because I'd like her to be able to contact me in the event my childhood dog passes away, since I'd like to have him cremated.
Today during a phone call with my father, he let it slip that my mother planned to show up to my wedding in 2 months. She has obviously not been invited and I never expected her to attempt something like that, so I was flabbergasted. I asked him to elaborate and his answer was that she 'wants to see me on my wedding day'. That's it. She wants to drop by for her own, selfish desire to I guess be present at her son's wedding? She'd obviously not be allowed inside, I think I would've tried to ignore her/ pretend I don't know her, but realistically I know it would've absolutely broken me to have it happen without knowing beforehand. Maybe that's what she was hoping for, that I'd cause a scene and yell at her, while she can continue to pretend to be the poor concerned mother, who only wanted to show support for her child.
I just think it's ironic that she got so offended when I called her a narcissist, only to then turn around and plan the most textbook narcissistic thing I could ever imagine. It's my wedding, I didn't invite her for a reason, how entitled can someone be to look at the situation and go: "My son isn't talking to me at the moment because I refuse to take responsibility for any of the things I did over the course of his life, what's the best way to fix this? I know! If I show up to his wedding unannounced, I'm sure he'll forget about all of this and goes back to being the family scapegoat!"
I'm honestly in disbelief over the sheer audacity of this woman. But at least it shows me that I definitely made the right decision in cutting her off. Now I just have to hope that she never finds out about the time and date of the ceremony.
#57
Hot Take - I Think A Narcissistic Parent’s End Goal Is For You To End Your Life
They spend your whole life telling you how horrible and worthless you are. Convincing you that you are evil and disgusting just for existing.
If you ended your life - then they could have a big pity party and endless sympathy. They could continue to blame you about how selfish and hurtful you are. It’s perfect.
lol I may not be correct but just saying how I feel.
#58
When Did You Realise There Was Something Wrong With Your Family?
For me, it was when I bought a new keyboard for the family computer to replace the broken one and they started constantly harassing and accusing me of trying to claim the computer as my own by buying bits of it one at a time. I didn't mind spending my pocket money so that everyone could use the family computer again, and I needed it to do my homework!
I'd have only been 14 at the time, but I instantly realised that it's not a normal way to think and gave me an insight into their broken way of thinking of things.
For the next 4 years I skipped lunch and walked to school every day to save up for my own computer, and learned to never share anything ever again.
#59
I Started Working Out Again And My Mother Started Going To “Sleep” At 6pm
I (34F) got an apartment with my mother. At first, it was wonderful, like living with my best friend. We would have dinner and watch TV while having a drink. I never really noticed but I became a habitual drinker. I never really drank that much before we moved in together.
Well, my new acquired habits gained me 40lbs. As a ex powerlifter and middle distance runner, it ate at my soul that I let myself go, to the point none of my clothes fit. So I decided I would join a gym, not only to try and get back into shape but also change my detrimental newly acquired habits.
When I told my mother I was joining a gym, the first thing out of her mouth was “why are you wasting money? You could be using that money to buy a rug for the front door or bones for the dog.” After blinking a couple times, I joined the gym anyways and attempt to drag myself there after work instead of sitting on the couch. I still get home reasonably early enough to watch an episode of something with her before my bedtime of 9pm.
Well, now she goes to “sleep” at 630pm with the sun still out, even on my rest days. I hear the TV in her room. She won’t even say goodnight anymore. I am made to feel like I have done something wrong when all I’m trying to do is decrease the amount of self loathing I’ve developed by moving more.
Years of minimizing and suppressing my feelings have left me unable to properly vocalize how I feel but I do know I don’t like how this feels.
What do you think ?
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