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50 Times People Said Or Did Something That Cost Them Their Relationship
Interview With Expert
You can say a relationship is like a house of cards. It can take one small thing to make everything crumble down in an instant.
In the case of these individuals, a single statement or action was all it took to make them realize they might be with the wrong person. As you read through these stories, you may understand why these were major dealbreakers.
Many of you readers have likely experienced something similar. Feel free to share your own anecdotes below!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
"I have like 20 credit cards and most are maxed out, it's fine though I'll get my husband to eventually pay them off for me or I can file for bankruptcy and get new ones."
When I tell you I RAN, GOOD LORD I RAN.
Reivaki:
I would have passed the sound barrier before passing the door, personally.
AFB27:
It's so nuts to me regarding the number of people who have this mentality. It's honestly alarming.
Yeeters 5 months ago (edited)
Once upon a time in my childhood, i owed my friend two bucks. That was enough stress for little 10 year old me, for whom two bucks was a lot. Did my damnest best to repay her as soon as possible, because owing people is no good. Can't imagine having 20 credit cards wtf
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 months ago
Maybe you should tell that to the person who said this, not the person who heard it :(
Load More Replies... RELATED:
#2
My dad died in 2000 and a friend of mine brought over a tray of food to my family. We were friends, but not close enough to where we knew each other's phone numbers or addresses. It was a complete surprise to see her. She just heard about it and looked for something to do to help. Months later, I realized it was something my girlfriend would never do.
I started dating the food tray girl about 15 months later and married her.
ILoveMySon 6 months ago (edited)
It is amazing what a simple gesture can do. I was always taught to deliver food in times of trouble.
#3
It actually wasn't what she said, but what my dad said. After a stupid fight at the end of a very a*****e relationship, I was venting to my friend and my dad, telling them how she had called me pathetic because I asked her to stop calling me fat. She laughed, and I hung up. My dad looks up and says, "How could you let anyone treat you that way?" I knew then, and there it was over.
Newbionic:
That’s parenting the right way. He didn’t tell you what to think or do. He let you make your own discoveries.
We had the opportunity to speak with some relationship experts who shared some of the most absurd reasons couples give for breaking up. Author and communications expert Chloe Ballatore once had a client who started a fight because her boyfriend dropped by unexpectedly with dessert.
The woman was supposedly upset that her partner came by without calling because she hadn’t had the opportunity to put on makeup. The couple eventually broke up because the man felt his efforts were never enough and were often met with criticism.
#4
When her son told me that earlier in the morning before school, his mom looked at him and said “I really miss when it was just us two”.
A month later we were done, but hearing that phrase specifically, after basically raising him without his father in the picture, and literally taking care of him day to day, I knew in that moment she would never be my wife after saying something like that.
Boomshrooom:
Sounds like she's gonna have a very unhealthy relationship with her son.
Can-Chas3r43:
I dated the son of a woman like this, and can confirm.
You are doing your children no favors by being this woman. (Or the dads that are absolutely obsessed with their relationships with their daughters and not allowing them to live.) Both are cringe.
#5
"I feel like you're not making me your priority."
(3 days after my mom died).
LooseSeal's $10 Banana 6 months ago
Well, honey, that's because you are not the priority right now.
Anne Roberts 6 months ago
After my mom's funeral my ex said he didn't like the way I was acting. I was crying my eyes out.
#6
When he pushed me off of the air mattress while camping, took all my blankets and kicked me in the face for trying to take a blanket back.
When I told him in the morning to see if he remembered he asked me, "do you have any marks from me kicking you?", which I did, and he told me that couldn't have been from him.
I left him at the campground.
ILoveMySon 6 months ago
My ex BF had a nightmare and slapped me in his sleep. He felt SO bad. He was not a busive and it was not intentional. Not a fun way to wake me up.
Rali Meyer 6 months ago
could you not have used a 4x4" piece of wood on his head? With nails in it? Rusted nails? Dipped in acid? Battery acid?
Clinical psychologist Dr. Carla Manly once worked with a client who ended her 15-month relationship because her partner had adopted a pet lizard. However, she is pinning the fault more on the partner for ignoring the woman’s needs, specifically her aversion to reptiles.
“When one partner’s rigidity doesn’t make space for another partner’s preferences, control issues tend to manifest,” Dr. Manly told Bored Panda.
#7
“ I want my husband to make my life simple , wake up and spend money and do whatever I want.”
Woman.. you want a sponsorship not a relationship… 🙃.
Anon:
She's a Sugar Baby in denial. There's a lot of those these days. Usually they're the women who are upset that women can work and vote.
Lyoness 6 months ago
I think they might be confusing a sugar baby and a trad wife...those are the women who don't think women should work outside the home.
Malamutes 6 months ago
Sounds to me like she thinks she shouldn't have to work at all...
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#8
Idk if I can quote it directly but she was living with her mum and paying the rent because her mum had lost her job. I think she'd been living with her since breaking up with her ex a few months earlier. Anyway, she spoke about her mum as a callous landlord might talk about a nuisance tenant. She followed this up by talking to her mum like she was s**t on her shoe. Now I realise parents are different when there's no company around, but this woman was like a fragile anxiety case at a difficult point in her life. Her daughter on the other hand had a secure job, was living the life she wanted, very headstrong in all ways, etc.
I don't know. It all just got my back up. Couple weeks before I'd been telling my mate that this girl was changing my life, that I was feeling happy first in ages.
Witnessing her treatment of her mum and how she spoke about her, on multiple occasions, just told me get away from her and pray for her mum.
#9
She argued with me over the cost of the ring. It was just an open discussion and the fact that the price meant so much to her made me nope tf out.
wantsoutofthefog:
Ex gf said the ring has to be $50k and we had to have a 500k house lined up. This was 2010. I was like, “seems like we’re not getting married”
VatooBerrataNicktoo:
I love that over the years men are seeing and acting on red flags.
L.V 6 months ago
You can get a decent 4 bedroom house where I live in the UK. In 2010 you'd have got a mini mansion probably
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Beak Hookage 6 months ago
Behaviour like this is why some men think "women all just want your money". Sigh.
Robert Beveridge 6 months ago
More than willing to line up a 500k house if you're paying for it...
CanadianaKa 6 months ago
See, I would argue over the price of the ring too, but that's because I think spending a lot of money on it is idiotic.
Beth Wheeler 6 months ago
I used to work with a Nuc Med Tech that got married and wanted to upgrade her rings that were several thousand dollars at that time. To me that her engagement ring and wedding ring means nothing to her, only the size of the stones and the price mattered to her. I left and haven't seen her in 15 years and don't know if she's still married.
Rali Meyer 6 months ago
like the meme: Now you sound like my ex-wife. - But you said you weren't married before...?
Queensland-based clinical psychologist Dr. Katie Kjelsaas went on to explain that the most inexplicable reasons for breaking up often have a reason tied to deeply held values and beliefs. As she stated, “One person’s ‘absurd’ is another’s dealbreaker.”
As she has seen with clients who broke up because of vaccination statuses, attitude to pets, or feelings about a hobby, it has always been about the deeper meaning they hold for the person in question.
“Respecting others’ beliefs and values - even when we don’t share them - supports healthy relationships and contributes to a free and fair society,” Dr. Kjelsaas explained.
#10
"I don't care about your problems, you're a man, act like it".
We were dating for 2 months, she was already talking about marriage and kids, I told her to slow down: I was out of a 2 years long a*****e relationship and even tough I was really into her and had the intention of building a lasting relationship with her, I needed to build trust at a slower pace.
My next message was literally "Okay we're done. Best of luck in life" and I never saw her again.
Now I found the one and we're doing great!
ElHuevoCosmic:
Man I love when issues solve themselves. She saved you the trouble of leaving her.
GuillaumeAzkoaga (OP):
Oh no, I was the one typing that message. I left her on the spot, don't give her credit for that :D My heart was racing as I sent the message but damn it felt good afterwards. I wasn't having any of that.
Ripley 6 months ago
It's not just men who display traits of toxic masculinity - women who expect men to "be a man" are just as guilty.
Fire Singer 6 months ago
One of my least favorite phrases is "Man up!" I hate it. Men are human too and can have emotions. It's when they don't learn to regulate them that there's an issue so telling them to man up and ignore their emotions causes the problems!
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L.V 6 months ago
I have a friend who got pregnant after 3 months and kept three kids, before the guy was older than her (9 years) and wanted kids quickly... Now they are divorced, he barely pays child support, ignores the kids as much as legally allowed, and wants to kick out his golden child as soon as she turns 18 because she is too difficult to deal with...
#11
My father's stage-four cancer had come out of remission, and this girl I was seeing told someone else (inside my earshot, and she knew that) that people who do bad things get diseases out of 'karma'. With hours of me telling her that was what was bothering me that day, so there's no excuses. (When I tell this story, for some reason, people come out of the woodwork to make excuses for her, which tells me more about *them* than anything else.)
On a much more casual level, I once kind of liked a girl until she told me that (because "men are useless") her actual *plan* was to get pregnant off a guy and then break up with him so that she could be a single mother. I found someone else to like.
One time I was dating a woman who, when she heard I was heading up to the nearest city for something I needed to do, invited herself along. When I showed up early (as agreed, so we could make a fun day of it), she took *five hours* to get ready. Then she wanted to go to an expensive vegan restaurant (she wasn't vegan, it was the 'expensive' part), expected I would know how to get there (this was before Google Maps, and I didn't even know the *name* of the restaurant!), when I finally found it, it had closed because of a blizzard and we ended up having to eat at a Wendy's across the parking lot. I have never seen anyone angrily nibble on an apple before. That wasn't one thing, but she was an absolute feast of warning signs I didn't see because I was trying so hard to 'be a good boyfriend'.
These things went in order, btw, so when I say I "retired for a while" because this was the caliber of person I was somehow attracting, you can see what I mean.
priscillu:
I personally don’t think we only attract certain types of people. We just allow them to stay in at too long in our lives. Ppl will come and go in our path, and it’s up to us to decide who stays.
michael Chock 6 months ago (edited)
We do only connect with certain types of people. I am very non aggressive, so a woman will need to be blunt about liking me before I will act on it. I will also give her space in the first few dates and not push the romance so we can get to know each other. It's what I am comfortable with but many women walk away because they expect a romantic man to be trying to make out after the first hello. I am like, give me the connection and we will be waking up on the beach.
#12
I watched my ex steal from Walmart. We were not well off but we had enough money to go out occasionally. When I caught her she said it was like a game and gave me excuses as to why it doesn't matter because it's a big company. It got worse when I caught her stealing from local places as well. I know some people think it's fine but it really rubbed me the wrong way. You can't trust a thief.
NyaNyaOctopussyQWQ:
Sounds like kleptomania to me.
numbersev:
She likely stole from you as well. They don't really discriminate, just monkey see monkey want.
Mung-Daal6969:
Oof I get it man. I’m probably really pretentious but I consider myself a morally sound character and I hate corporations as much as the next guy but to me the worst kind of people are the ones that knowingly skip an item or two at the self checkout but claim to be good people.
michael Chock 6 months ago
If the corporation deserves bankruptcy, don't shop there. It's about not being a worthless human being that takes things without contributing. Be better than Walmart.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 6 months ago
I don't think there's anything pretentious about considering yourself "morally sound". There's a bit in Red Dwarf where Kryten says that lister considers himself "A good man, a man of moral courage" and I have always hoped that I could apply that same sentence to myself.
Beth Wheeler 6 months ago
Walmart has really fancy cameras over the self checkout that sees everything in the carts. Making it harder for the a*****e thieves.
john doe 6 months ago
That is security theater, cameras do nothing when they don't hire LP to watch them. I worked LP for years and they cut that budget before any othes, we always joked that LP stands for Low Pay. Trust me your fine, just don't take anything that has a low profit margin ie electronics, shaving razors most health and beauty products, they usually lock those ones up, it's like they are telling you what bothers them if you take it. They give 0 fu cks about groceries as long as it's not meat and clothing, those things they aren't even able to track efficiently to know what level of shrink is from theft.
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Brian Droste 6 months ago (edited)
Walmart are adding cameras to there chekout areas now. So it is going to be harder for people to steal from them. Plus they are locking more products up in cases. So you need to get an associate to get what you want. So people who steal, makes it harder for honest people to shop and pick up what you want to get.
john doe 6 months ago
The reason for the lock up is so they can have fewer employees on the floor, the theft wasn't an issue years back because they paid to have adequate staff, their cuts in labor so they can make a few bucks more is why they now lock them up, they don't get stolen much, it's a profit margin issue, they would rather not chance it being stolen and inconvenience you than take the loss of it was. Most health and beauty products are around a 5% profit margin so they would lose 95% of what they paid for it. Most things sold at big box stores are around an 80% profit margin, they barley track those things and do an annual audit to even check for shrink, they don't know or care what is stolen they just know they are down usually 1% in what they should have, most of it is breakage.
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john doe 6 months ago
Stealing from Walmart is morally correct behavior, they have stolen so much from you and I that it falls under a robin hood type of theft. Stealing from small local businesses is down right disgusting, they are the people Walmart is stealing from too.
Scott Rackley 6 months ago
Incorrect. Theft is immoral. That's a 5-year-old's argument.
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Luke Branwen 6 months ago
No matter how hard I try, I just can't condemn shoplifting from über-billion-dollar megastores like Walmart. They "earn" billions annually by screwing up their employees and cutting corners, I'm sure they can miss two chocolate bars. Also most people who shoplift from megastores don't steal from individual people or smaller "Mom & Pop" stores.
Pandemonium 6 months ago
If it were only about the victim that'd be fine, but as I told my daughter, what you're saying when you steal from anyone, corporation (and their other customers because that's who the costs get passed on to) or individual is "I am a thief." You're making a statement about yourself.
Load More Replies...That then raises an important question: is a relationship worth continuing if one person has done something deemed a “dealbreaker”? For Gottman-certified couples counselor Rebecca E. Tenzer, it all boils down to the level of commitment.
“I believe that most relationships are salvageable if both people are genuinely committed to healing and are willing to do the work, especially with professional guidance,” she said, adding that it is up to the person to decide what is worth fighting for and what isn’t.
#13
We both work, relatively equal time/ effort, etc and we own separate houses. She spends most of her off work time at my place. I was doing all the cooking, dishes, the laundry, vacuuming, trash, etc, but I was getting really burned out. I got frustrated and told her I couldn't do it all, it wasn't fair, and I needed help and partnership. I told her I shouldn't have to ask her to do some of these things, that we are both adults and can see when the dishes need doing or laundry is piling up.
She said "you just want a house wife"...
As if she did a single solitary house wife thing ever. Marriage? LOL no.
Imdatingstaceysmom:
I feel like I'm seeing this more and more. Many women (not all women) are taking the movement of 'women don't need to be housewives' so far in the other direction that they don't help with much at all.
woahbrad35 (OP):
It's honestly become a red flag for me if they can't or won't cook. It's a real marker for the effort they'll put into that boring s**t nobody wants to do but still needs to be done. I mean, it isn't a requirement to cook every day, eating out is fine, and I don't mind splitting tasks since I feel like that's the point of moving forward in relationships, but to sit there, look at a full sink of dishes where half were yours and then ignore it week after week? I already raised a kid, I'm not out to raise a grown adult.
Paige Merlin 6 months ago
I worry about my husband burning out all the time but my health beats me down and he takes care of me. If I had a healthy body my God would I be making sure I pulled my weight!!! I love this man, I want his life to be amazing not unending servitude. How can anyone truly love someone and have such a messed up expectation? Narcissists.
K Barnes 6 months ago
A former co-worker's wife didn't work, cook, clean, organize, volunteer, garden, decorate, create, or really do much of anything but social media and tv (no kids). We made ok money but not enough for them to eat out 100% of the time and have a cleaner and landscapers. I just don't get how he was ok with that.
#14
“A man is not a real man unless he pays and provides for his woman’s every need” nope.
michael Chock 6 months ago
Most jobs don't pay enough to cover needs. (Yes, you need a car, phone and internet to keep a job). If you want a real man, vote better.
Fellfromthemoon 6 months ago
You've forgotten to add /s. BTW, the quote references every NEED and not every WANT.
Load More Replies... #15
She told me I need my man to pay all my bills, I get turned on when my man pays my bills. My money is my money and your money is my money. My mom has 4 kids by 4 different guys. Mom had affairs with married men. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree with this one, I RAN like Forest Gump.
For Dr. Kjelsaas, continuing a relationship would depend on the erring individual’s responsiveness to the issue. Are they accepting or acknowledging their actions? Are they willing to seek reconciliation or compromise?
If the answer is yes to all questions, continuing the relationship may be considered. Otherwise, it would be best to move on.
#16
I asked if I could kiss her after a date. She went on a long rant about how unromantic that was and how I was cheesy and ruined the moment.
Arite then bye.
Grenelda Thurber 6 months ago
I think that's super romantic. I still fondly remember a guy who asked me that on a date ago.
Saeyoul Akiyune 6 months ago
And yet, if the question hadn't been asked and the action just done, OP may have gotten a earful of "harrassment" or some s-h-i-t 🙄
#17
My first girlfriend and I were long distance. It is not exaggeration to say that literally every cent of my disposable income was spent on her in some way, shape, or form. Trips down to where she lived, hotels to stay in during said trips, gifts, vacations, restaurants--I didn't make that much money, but I spent literally all of it on her.
So, on one weekend during that first year together, I had, as usual, taken a trip down to see her. Now, I'll be honest: I was completely spent. I had nothing more than my earthly possessions, a bus ticket home, and the irresponsibility of a 22-year-old man that makes all this possible. I knew that until payday, which was four days away, I would be limited to the food I had at home, which if I recall correctly, was a loaf of bread and some rice.
On Sunday night of that weekend, my girlfriend wanted to go out to dinner. So I was honest with her. I told her I didn't have any money. She told me that she'd pay.
So, as we were having dinner at some family restaurant, she seemed distant. I asked her what was wrong. She said "nothing." When I pushed, finally she opened up: "Mayumi (her best friend) has a boyfriend, right? I was talking to her the other day, and she told me that whenever they went on a date, he would always pay. I feel really guilty for this, but I was kind of jealous at the time."
I stared at her for a few seconds to process her words. Remember, this was a woman whom I had spent virtually every cent of my money on visiting and pampering. We had gone to a VERY nice restaurant the weekend before, which I paid for. 95% of all our trips were paid for in full by me. And she was talking about her friend's boyfriend who lived 10 minutes away paying for everything.
She was a s****y girlfriend in general, but that was just the final nail in the coffin for me. Whether I knew it at the time or not, that was the exact moment I had mentally checked out of the relationship.
Rahb in Oz 6 months ago
Did she even realise how much you spent to be with her? An escort would cost less.
Ginger ninja 6 months ago (edited)
So OP has paid for everything before + the expenses to see her and the ONE time he couldnt she was complaining like he never pays for anything… He should have dumped her on the spot and left her with the bill
#18
"You're a pathetic excuse for a man. I f*****g hate you."
We'd been going through a rough patch for a few months but had been together for 11 years. She was drunk and angry and it came out. She didn't remember saying it and we never talked about it. TBH this is the first time I've actually said or typed those words out. That was over 5 years ago but it still hurts like hell. I called it off a few months later.
She'd never said anything that hurtful to me before but those words came from somewhere. I just couldn't get over them.
Brian Droste 6 months ago
When you don't have your mental facilities about you, you end up speaking what is really in your heart. What she was saying while drunk is how she really felt about you.
K Barnes 6 months ago
My mom used to say s**t like that to us all the time when she lost her temper, especially when drinking. That we were pathetic failures who would never amount to anything. She would never admit to it so I bought a handheld tape recorder and started recording her when she lost her temper. She accused me of doctoring the tapes because she "would never say things like that". Spoiler: she did. She actually stopped when I hit about 30 and she had grandkids, thank god. I'm mostly over it but still hold onto some hurt. It wasn't a good way to grow up.
Ginger ninja 6 months ago
If the pair of you never talked about it then are you sure she didnt remember saying it
Rahb in Oz 6 months ago
She couldn’t have been just a LITTLE more honest *somewhat* earlier? Say 10 years? What a ridiculous waste of time for both of you!
Choosing to continue being with a person who has one of your dealbreakers can be challenging. But according to Dr. Manly, couples can overcome these challenges if they have a healthy relationship.
However, she also mentioned three non-negotiables to make things work: honesty, healthy communication, and accountability.
“When their overall relationship and level of commitment are high, I’ve seen couples overcome huge dealbreaker issues,” Dr. Manly noted.
#19
My ex fiance, this was years ago, I had a cr**py car, so after the engagement (middle east) so there's a ceremony, party, gold, lots of expenses, I decided to get a better car, two weeks in I crashed it and had to pay a lot to fix it. I felt tight on money and sadly I opened up to her, she started sobbing and said she never imagined she would marry a broke guy. I wasn't broke, I just spent a big portion of my savings on the engagement and a car so that my old one doesn't break down on dates.
Something in me shattered that day, and I never saw her the same, things just kept going downhill and I broke up the engagement 6 months before the wedding. I had gotten back to my old savings levels during this period.
Rahb in Oz 6 months ago
So much for the mutual support, respect, and understanding needed in a relationship!
Ginger ninja 6 months ago
If she thought he was broke beforehand then she didnt have to say yes to the proposal
GalPalAl 6 months ago
As a woman, I am offended by this because men think all women fall into this category.
Rahb in Oz 6 months ago
Absolutely NOT at all! Every woman friend of mine has been an absolute brick, and a great help when needed. (As I was to them.) Only one exception; sadly she is no longer a friend, because on the one occasion I really needed some sympathy and emotional help, it was all about her. It was after that, and a couple of other instances, I gradually realised it had always been that way.
Load More Replies... #20
“I’m checking to see if our star signs are compatible.”
fretnbel:
After my ex broke up I found out she was googling astrology compatibility between her and the guy she was eyeing. Still baffles me how someone can put any value in that.
Fast forward 8 months later and she's crying at my door unannounced.
MikeyBGeek:
I had someone turn me down because I was a Sagittarius. And my ex kept saying she didn't care if our "signs don't work out." Never again will I have patience for horoscope bullc**p.
Paul C. 6 months ago
“I’m checking to see if our star signs are compatible.” Yeah! I'm checking the bus timetable!
Luke Branwen 6 months ago
Fun fact: the dates of individual star signs have changed because the position of the Earth and the constellations changed throughout the centuries since astrology was invented (like I'm classicaly Aries, but with the updated dates, I'm Pisces). That means modern astrology is even more bogus than it already was.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 6 months ago
I don't believe in any of this mumbo-jumbo nonsense, but it'll be a cold day in hell before I change from being a Leo :D
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Don Adams 6 months ago
"The fault, Dear Brutus, lies not in the stars, but in our selves" - Shakespeare, Julius Caeser
Load More Replies... For Tenzer, it’s all about having the desire to show up consistently while putting yourself in a vulnerable position to own up to the mistake and not be defensive.
“Healing takes transparency, emotional safety, and a shared willingness to grow,” she said. “Not just individually, but together as a unit. If you’re both all in, there’s a path forward.”
#21
"D**n, this beach is full of poor people. I hate the poor!".
Rali Meyer 6 months ago
I love such generalisations. Same as: I hate all BMW drivers! Okay, bad example...
#22
When she insisted on having a fight, called her mom for support, and when her mom said it must've been something she did, she got pissed off and told me to go sleep in the park.
On my birthday.
Epilogue: I told her a week later I wanted to break up and she said "Umm... No. I don't accept that."
Anon:
When someone's mom of all people doesn't have their back, probably a good time to leave.
Kitty_Rose:
Breakups are not debates. Once one person decides it's over, the relationship is done for good. Even if that person hangs around for a while, the relationship is dead. The feelings and reasons that made them stay are dead. And anything the other person does to try to keep said relationship only drives the other one further away.
I've seen way too many people, my ex included, that didn't understand this. How long did it take your ex to finally understand that your breakup was final?
capnhist (OP):
When I left the country and went back to the US three months later (mostly to get away from her). She refused to believe me until that moment.
michael Chock 6 months ago
People break and heal at different speeds. Some people can be yelling within a minute and joking the next. I take alot of flack before I get upset, but also need a day to cool down.
BookFanatic 6 months ago
I broke up with my long-term BF of ten years and when his mom found out, she called and asked me what the hell took me so long!
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 months ago
I remember when I first tried to leave my ex. I told him "I can't do this any more, I don't want to be with you any more" and I went back home (he had forced me to live in his room for the past two months so he could "keep an eye on me".) I didn't talk to him for months, and dated someone else in the meantime. Later on, when I (stupidly) believed my ex's claims that he had changed and got back together with him, he said I cheated on him because I had been with another man. No, my dude, we were NOT together at that time, I did not cheat on you. To this day he still insists I cheated on him and I need to make amends for doing so. (We co-parent one of my cats and one of my dogs, so I still have to remain in contact with him.)
Kalikima 6 months ago
You do realize you don't HAVE to co-parent your animals with an abùsive man, right? It's crazy to stay in contact with someone abùsive so your animals have a father. They won't notice the lack, I promise.
Load More Replies... CanadianaKa 6 months ago
I once told an ex - early in our relationship - that it took two people to start a relationship and only one to end it. He got VERY upset and offended. Punchline: 18 months later he ended it when he cheated on me and got her pregnant.
Rahb in Oz 6 months ago
If you have to move to get away from someone, that person is unhealthily dependent on you emotionally and it is best you go. Sadly, I learnt that the hard way. Although they should go, they won’t, so you have to.
#23
When he put his hands around my throat and threatened to stab me if I ever argued with him again.
I endured years of emotional a**se and gas lighting, even catching him cheating, but apparently until it escalated into physical a**se, I thought this was normal behavior. I'd like to redo my early 20s again.
#24
Probably when I was devastated because I'd had a miscarriage, and he told me that I had to stop talking about it, because it made him sad.
Mama Clare 6 months ago
Oh I feel this one.. Similar situation for myself except he asked for a bj to make him feel better... 2 hours after coming home from the hosp
Rahb in Oz 6 months ago
Unbelievable! I would be VERY sorry for you and your loss, and worried about YOU! OK, I can understand the disappointment of the father, but seriously? What a selfish jerk!
#25
One day she just told me I was boring, I didn't end things that day or even that month but it set things in motion because it just made me check out.
I'm still about as boring as I was back then but I'm happily married, so it just goes to show how important compatibility is when it comes to how you want to spend your time.
Auntriarch 6 months ago
When Mr Auntriarch and I were courting, my mother once said "you two off to paint the town beige tonight?" Well we've never been party animals.
Rahb in Oz 6 months ago
Why on earth did she even Stay with you THAT long? I’ll take boring over stupid and reckless any day!
#26
That she was thinking about how best to negotiate down the money her parents would demand from me for their blessing to marry her. I incredulously told her, that her a*****e sh**bag parents would never receive a penny from me and as the ensuing conversation unfolded my vision of our life together went up in smoke.
LooseSeal's $10 Banana 6 months ago
Which has no bearing on the fact that it's stupid.
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L.V 6 months ago
I thought the parents were the ones supposed to pay the dowry... Not much better to be fair
Load More Replies... Rahb in Oz 6 months ago
Kudos to her for trying to align her cultural heritage with reality. However, not workable.
#27
She told me the C in her name stands for crazy. Also insisted on me telling her a personal secret. This was during the first date lol.
Richienotsorich 6 months ago
Probably had "if you can't take me at my worst..." on her dating profile!
#28
When she would flirt with other men right in front of me and then gaslight me about it.
#29
When she said that I was too selfish of a person. This is less a representation of who I am and more of who she is. She was a PhD student in Special Education and her goal was to travel to war torn countries and teach english to children with disabilities there. I design medical devices in an air conditioned office, so to her, I wasn't willing to personally sacrifice enough to help others. She's a wonderful person, but I realized that I could never live up to her standards of altruism.
Robin Roper 6 months ago
And she will never travel to war torn countries to teach english to children with disabilities. It's a ridiculously stupid goal. Disabled children in war torn countries do not need to learn English; the need safety, housing, food, and medical care.
Mike F 6 months ago
There's a difference between doing it because it's the right thing to do, for that person, but it kinda cancels things out when it seems like it's being done for some kind of merit badge.
Colin Roach 6 months ago
Exactly. People who are really doing it for the right reasons DON'T NEED TO GIVE REASONS.
Load More Replies... Ginger ninja 6 months ago
OP’s job is far more useful to people with disabilities/medical conditions than his ex’s. As Robin said, children (particularly disabled children) in war torn countries do not need to learn english
#30
I'm a wilderness biologist. She was a tv news reporter. We were driving through some beautiful rolling hills on the way to Texas when she looked out the window and said, "Do you ever think about how much wasted space there is out here? There could be, like, a city there!"
No... that thought has never crossed my mind. I'd rather see Mother Nature repossess the cities, lol.
That was the first indication, anyway. The real nail in the coffin was after my dad passed away. When I first called her and told her what happened, the first words out of her mouth were, "Well, what were some of your favorite memories of your father?" That's when I realized she was not emotionally capable of giving me what I needed, (edit: and her toxic positivity of trying to "cheer me up" was only harmful. It was like she was pushing me to move on as soon as possible, and complaining that I wasn't "taking good care of her.") It took a while after the fact, but when I look back, I can see that's where the breakup started.
Touhou Youyoumu 6 months ago (edited)
Yeah f**k nature, more concrete. For those who not fluent in sarcasm.
Paul Rabit 6 months ago
First part, yeah definitely not compatible. The second part? Of course I don't know this person, but I don't think that question by itself is necessarily a bad one to ask. If somebody asked me that, I think I would be receptive - I'd want to focus on the happy memories.
K Barnes 6 months ago
I thought that, too, but realize it's kind of weird not to say something like "sorry to hear it" or "how sad/awful" first and THEN move onto that question. On its own I don't think it's a big deal, but perhaps part of a pattern it was.
Load More Replies... #31
When we met, we were both very, very not into having children. Back then, it was one of my "vetting issues." I did not want to start any kind of relationship if the woman wanted kids, because there was NFW I was going to have kids.
*Two months* after we started dating, she gave me the following list of demands:
1. I was to quit my very nicely paying job to get a better, much higher-paying job;
2. I was to buy her a house in Connecticut, (we were living in the NYC area at the time, but not together), preferably Darien;
3. We were to get married immediately if not sooner;
4. And she wanted to get immediately pregnant with the first of ten, *yes, ten,* children she wanted by me.
The first time she told me this (immediately post-coitus,) I thought she was joking. No, the fifty times she said it after that made me realize that she was 100% serious. This was the mid 90s, and I ghosted so hard I moved from NY to AZ overnight without telling her. We're friends again now, (as in FB friends,) and she met and married another guy (no kids, tho) and has been happy for the last 21 years. But talk about whiplash...
#32
He slowly started making me doubt myself in very small ways. We all doubt ourselves sometimes, but when you start doubting even what outfit to put on in the morning because of some comments your S/O has made, time to move on.
Fire Singer 6 months ago
Yikes! If anything your partner should make you feel better about your doubts. I, like most every person on earth, have some body image issues but my husband constantly tells me how much he loves the parts of me I don't like like my belly or my thighs. Don't settle for a partner who makes you doubt your appearance, abilities, or intelligence!
Rahb in Oz 6 months ago
MASSIVE red flag. If your partner cannot support you, they are the wrong partner!
Richienotsorich 6 months ago
I've never known a woman who hasn't criticised my choice of clothing. On second thoughts, maybe I'm a ṣhitty dresser!
Jude Corrigan 6 months ago
It starts off slowly though. He says that you forgot something. Then that you didn't tell him something. When you show him the messages that prove you were right and didn't forget, he stops communicating through messages so you don't have proof.
#33
When after far too many occasions I came home from a full day of work to find her sitting outside smoking while our newborn son was inside crying, which she had failed to feed or care for all day. I even asked the neighbours and they said, he would cry from when i left until when i returned non-stop.
Turns out she wasnt quite the motherly type, and hes been with me ever since, she rarely sees him. I wouldnt even have a problem with her seeing him, she just never wants to.
jonesnori 6 months ago
Or possibly the other mom. Either way, yes, thanks be to all that's holy.
Load More Replies... #34
She had 1 ice cube tray with 8 slots and always complained that she didn't have enough ice. I asked why she didn't empty the ice cubes into a bag and refreeze more, and she scoffed and said how stupid that was because the ice cubes would all stick together.
Ice is sold in bags. It's also easily testable. Why would anyone be so confident about something that they've never even tried?
She was like this about a lot of her positions. Zero curiosity as to whether something was actually true, zero effort on her part to challenge her own beliefs, she just accepted a lot of weird s**t with no fact checking at all.
I don't know why the ice thing sticks in my head above all the other stupid stuff she said. But after that I knew it wouldn't work out.
Rahb in Oz 6 months ago
How about buying another ice cube tray? Yes, I know they are horrendously expensive!
LtKernelPanic 6 months ago
She's not wrong they will eventually stick together due to moisture that gets in the freezer from opening the door. That said it's not hard to take the bag and bang it on the counter a couple times to break them apart.
Richienotsorich 6 months ago
That's on you mate...should have bought her more ice cube trays as presents.
Auntriarch 6 months ago
I put ice cubes into bags and they do indeed stick together. I have no idea why. But I just pull out the bag and give it a whack, and they separate enough to dig out and add to my gin
Rali Meyer 6 months ago
we have all of the internet to cross check and scrutinize facts. Not many make the effort
#35
She told me that we needed to stay in because of the chem trails in the sky. She believed they were a governmental program that drugged us and controlled our minds.
Rahb in Oz 6 months ago
An acquaintance ‘thinks’ the so-called ‘chemtrails’ are the government trying to poison us. As if the government wants to k**l off the proletariat taxpayers!
#36
She didnt want "the one", just "A one". and like, on a *strict timeline*.
she broke up with me as soon as i signed a 1 year lease on an appartment because that would mean we wouldn't move in together for at least a year, and she *has* to be engaged by febuary of 2018 and that just wont work out. she needs to be married by september of next year, and i just messed up her timetable. she was 20 years old, and we had been dating for three months.
yea i had no idea about her plans. so, good luck?
Rali Meyer 6 months ago
so the next poor guy already started late in her timeline. Skipping a few milestones, like not having s*x for 9.5 weeks? Works for me
Ginger ninja 6 months ago
Im curious to know what she thinks will happen if she didnt accomplish her schedule on time. She needs therapy
#38
We met online just before/as we were both leaving long term relationships. We had many similar interests, we both needed someone to lean on and we're already predisposed to fast connections.
It seemed great, ideal, a bunch of other positive adjectives and such. I suddenly needed to get away from where I was and we talked about me moving half way across the country. Then we (mostly her, she's brilliant) made it happen.
Problem was...we had no physical chemistry in person. We were a much better match as friends. Took a few months for that to really sink in. As it did other things came up. She was smarter with a way better memory, she approached the world very differently from me and gradually things became strained as all the little things added up.
So we broke up. Both of us have avoidant personalities so we also lost touch as friends very rapidly.
I'm happier where I moved and she's met someone who is a better match for her. For a brief while we were what the other needed and I appreciate that, but I still miss my friend.
#39
She said I was the softest man she ever met... I turned to her and asked her... you want someone to a**se you or something??? She Couldn't answer it. From the moment she said that to me, I've realised, she loves the toxic drama of a**se from someone that she has always experienced in her life. And when I mean all her life, even toxic a**se and emotional control from her mom.
Stock_Soup_3060:
I say that to my boyfriend but immediately follow up w/ how much I like it bc every other man was too much of a hard a*s or ab*ser.
He smiles and blushes after so 😊
Blma1025 6 months ago
Honestly, I would take that as a compliment. After being in a relationship with someone who was a*****e, a soft man (kind) would be a blessing.
L.V 6 months ago
Depends how it's said. My hubby is soft and I love him for it!
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Dav Carro-Ripalda 6 months ago
I hate when your religious and weird ethical education starts putting asterisks on your dicctionary words and you cut your own language It is called communication. But you are too afraid to hurt people with words?
#40
“I should of left you when you got depressed. I like the good but not the bad in relationships” i was her first boyfriend, i dont think she understands how relationships fully work. We dated for 4 years.
Richienotsorich 6 months ago
I'd have binned her for saying 'should of', unless that's OP's lack of English in which case she's right!
#41
"I never thought of marrying you. I figured we would just date till one of us moved on".
#42
I asked my best friend how he could call his SO (now wife) his best friend. It blew me away that I, also best friend, could be valued on the same level as an SO. This lead our conversation to, "dude, why isn't *your* SO your best friend. And if not, what are you even doing?"
That was kinda mind-blowing for me, thankfully I my current SO has opened my eyes to what that feels like :D.
Luke Branwen 6 months ago
I can't even FATHOM dating someone who isn't my best friend. What's the POINT otherwise? What do you do when the initial infatuation fades?
Rahb in Oz 6 months ago
You need to truly LIKE each other on all levels for any relationship to succeed.
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#43
When, on the morning of my wedding I thought "imma need more wine to go through go with this".
#44
When she didn't know whether the sun revolved around the Earth or the Earth revolved around the sun..... i s**t you not.
Fire Singer 6 months ago
Ok everyone has "brain farts" from time to time and if this truly was her only infraction I think maybe OP was being a little too judgmental.
#45
When she said she wouldn't cook for her man if she had one. I don't expect a meal for every dinner as I can cook for two and am pretty good at it, but that turned me off from considering her a forever partner.
Delicate Fcuking Flower 5 months ago
I love cooking for my husband. It's one of my ways to show love and the fact that he knows it just makes me pour more love into what I do
#46
We were engaged and I got introduced at a party of work people as 'her friend'.
kavOclock:
My girlfriend still won't introduce me to her friends as her boyfriend. Too real.
Sexvixen7:
Similar situation. I was dating this guy and he was great. Spent every afternoon/night together just talking and joking around and being happy. Went to this party and he introduced me as his neighbor. Big bummer. Still really into him and we had similar aspirations. Another girl came along and she sorta replaced me. And that was that. F**k Kellen and her sneaky way of trying to be my friend just to steal him from me. Congrats. You won.
#47
When alcohol would get involved. Suddenly I wouldn't exist and she would gravitate more towards the life of the party alpha male.
#48
The realization was painful and gradual, mostly owing to his inability to have reasonable discussions, refusal to respect my perspective, and nonstop grudge-holding, but the last straw for me was when he broke one of my possessions (thankfully something small/cheap) in a fit of rage. I knew I couldn't spend the rest of my life with someone like that. Left soon after.
Also, I was scared of him. Never felt that way about an SO before.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 months ago
Years ago, my now-ex flushed some of the ashes of two of my beloved pets down the toilet. One was my GSD Ember, who was my heart-dog and died in 2010. The other was my cat Wintressia, who I'd had for nearly 20 years and who I had nursed through 6 years of kidney failure. I can't even remember what he was angry at me about, though if I remember the problems from that time period, he was probably angry that I "valued" the ashes of my dead pets more than I "valued" him (I didn't, that's just how he saw it.) I'd had both pets long before we even met, but he'd known - and said he'd loved - both of them after we started dating. I have photos of Wintressia laying happily on his lap. And yet he had no qualms about throwing her ashes into the toilet and flushing them. Luckily I got the bags away from him before he dumped them out entirely. Never trust someone who doesn't also value the special items that you value, or at least accepts that YOU place value on them.
Fire Singer 6 months ago
That would absolutely shatter me if someone did that with my dogs ashes. :( I've already told a friend who wants to make some kind of fused glass thing with some of my dogs ashes that while I appreciate the gesture she can't have the ashes because I'm not ready to do anything with them yet and may never be. So if I can't give any to a trusted friend I could not imagine losing them to someone's fit of rage.
Load More Replies... Ginger ninja 6 months ago
Well done for getting out when you did OP, he would have escalated even further into physical violence had you stayed with him
#49
When I had to schedule an appointment a month in advance to see him, he lived 5 minutes away.
#50
We were at her cousins. When the two of them got together they drank a lot. Like drink to the point of getting passed out drunk. We were staying the night because it was a long drive back home and I had had a few beers myself. It was late so I head upstairs to the bedroom we would be sleeping in. They stayed downstairs continuing to drink and talk. I overheard her tell her cousin how she still thinks about the guy she had been dating before we met. How he’s so cute. How she sometimes thinks about reaching out to him but she doesn’t do so because she fears he wouldn’t respond to her. Hearing that shattered whatever future I had been planning with her. I couldn’t unhear those words and I couldn’t look at her the same.
#51
"Do you remember Jorge..? I'm gonna see him on this trip and will stay with him for 2 weeks"
Jorge was her stalker who had followed her and moved with her to two different continents, three different countries, had hit her, SA'd her, tried to get her into d***s constantly and twice succeeded. For some reason tho she thought "he's just damaged, really a good guy", I checked out after that and broke up with her a day or two later.
#52
Her saying that if I go for therapy I should do it in another country not our country as it will be bad for my employment.
#54
She went to study abroad. I asked her to cool it with the clubbing. She had been 8 times in less than 2 weeks. She said she would.
Instead, she doubled down.
She went every day for 6 months.
After I asked her if she was available on a specific day, a month in advance, she told me not to come (despite telling her I was saving money to see her).
I am guessing she cheated, and when I put things together, that's what it points to.
After that, I checked out. It still hurt watching her live life through my phone. And it still hurt when she dumped me 2 weeks before she got back. I was an idiot who didn't have the self-respect to walk away. I was holding onto hope she would change, and that things would be different. She didn't change. When she got back, she had no love for me in her eyes.
If I were in that situation again, I would have walked away.
Edit: the part she said casually, "It's really not that big of a deal, I don't know why you're trying to control what I do.".
#55
My ex broke a pretty big rule to our open relationship which was “no one we have emotional bonds with”. It’s meant to be just s*x with strangers and the emotional bonding would be between us. This was due to long distance.(We had met in person and fell in love but then visas, health and higher education got involved and then eventually covid.)
They f****d their best friend a few times and decided to come clean over a phone call instead of video chat and I assumed it was because they didn’t want me to watch them cry. It wasn’t until after I had finished pouring my heart out, crying, saying it was tough to hear but I’m glad they came clean and I would need time and space but I was willing to find a way to work through it. That’s when they said “wait, let me just take you off speaker phone”.
They called me to have me on speaker phone with the person they cheated on me with. I hung up and ghosted them. An 8 year relationship.
#59
I one day randomly snapped out of my depression, saw how s****y my life was with him. Broke off our engagement, moved back to my grandmother's, committed myself to a psych ward 2 weeks later.
But there is much more of a back story to that last part.
But my ex is a man child, broke af, and has no control over his life because his life is controlled by his mother. I had him over to play MtG last week and he's like you live in a s****y apartment. The only thing I could respond to him with that was "I'd like to see what you can afford on what you make, and at least I still don't live with my mother."
#60
When he pressured me into having s*x with someone while he watched. He responded to my repeated protests with, "if you don't do this then obviously you don't care about me."
When I finally gave in (to my complete discomfort) he freaked out and accused me of cheating on him. A lot of emotional manipulation in that relationship. Thank god I immediately moved three states away. People can suck.
sofacushionfort 6 months ago
Guys like this can find themselves in a prison cell, bewildered how they got there.
Robert Beveridge 6 months ago
Bro needs to sit down and have a good think about the lessons he (should have) learned here. But this kind never does...
#62
"I don't have long term relationships; I don't really believe in them." and...
"I don't have regrets."
Initially, I thought she was just trying to fish for a reaction and start a deeper conversation. It turned out to be true.
From a distance, I suspect that she has one of those *Cluster-B* personality disorders: Borderline, Narcissism, etc. I saw clues that she understood this but was unwilling to seek treatment/therapy.
To this day, she has serial relationships that start out intensely, and then flame out: 2 illegitimate kids, chronically unemployed, a drain on her extended family.
She sticks in a guy's mind, because... *crazy*. Still, I remind myself that any guys that get involved with her are adults and I stay out of it - - *way* out of it. When I bump into her, I don't even acknowledge her.
#64
Happily married now but with my ex it was one night we went out and she got drunk then started cursing me out loudly in public for basically not drinking as much as she did calling me p***y among other things. When I tried to calm her down she proceeded to hit me with an umbrella so yeah.
#65
I was dumb enough to ignore the schizophrenia, paranoia, alcoholism,
and refusal to take his medication. It was when he drunkenly flipped a car with us and his sister in it one night while drifting, it affected me badly and one night he took off for a couple nights like usual and hit me with his car on the way out. I packed a bag for him and left it at his work. Kept his cat because he almost k**led it with a flea infestation.
#66
When my friends found me apologizing for talking to another man. I was quickly informed that it wasn't okay.
#67
She told me Shrek sucks... i don't tolerate a Shrek hater.
#68
After a while, you feel like you are doing all the work. Begging to be paid attention to with nothing in return. Excited when they actually text you or initiate anything. I feel sad and pathetic.
#69
I would always ask about her family and how they were, she didn’t ask or care about my family at all. It happed over 10 times so that’s when I knew she is not going to be my wife!
#70
When I asked for help so many times and he failed to pick up the ball. It's the little things ya know? I've worked 8 hours and then had to go to uni, you haven't, least you could do is make dinner or do a load of washing...
#71
Thought she was the one, but there was a bunch of things.
Cultural differences, an immigrant that is Muslim, me a 4th gen American who has no beliefs. Her family did not like me.
Different mindsets and goals. She wanted to travel now, I wanted to play the long game.
And I was a much different person then. Had some experiences that ended up making me a paranoid mess for a while when it comes to dating.
Thankfully, we're still friends and still talk from time to time. I honestly wish we would've made it work because she is such a nice person.
#72
When I was the one making all the decisions and when I felt jealous of my friends that were either single or happy in their relationships.
#73
When she read my private messages behind my back. Suddenly all kinds of red flags appeared, emotional a**se, jealousy, control issues, temper tantrums and a s**t ton of lies.
#74
When she came home drunk after a night out with friends claiming I wasn't texting her enough even though a review of our text thread showed I responded to every text in a timely manner. Not a big deal by itself, but it was a straw that broke the camel's back sort of situation.
Rali Meyer 6 months ago
but she went out? Isn't that when you reduce the messages to leave her to enjoy?
#75
When I wasn't willing to work through our problems anymore.
Robert Beveridge 6 months ago
Learned while with my ex: best way to tell when someone has checked out of a marriage is going to 2-3 counseling appointments and then stopping because "I'm not getting anything out of them" (or, "I'm not the one that NEEDS therapy". Oh, honey...) otoh, that therapist ended up being the best one I ever had, we stayed together for a few years.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 months ago
My now-ex is still telling me to find counselors/relationship therapists for us to go to; he's even "willing" to "let" me choose one. (I've considered agreeing to it just to see the professional's reaction, or to see if my ex says the quotes you said.) I was "not allowed" to get therapy for myself while ex and I were still together because "therapy doesn't work", but apparently now it's clear that I'm not coming back after 24 years of unhappiness, NOW therapy/counseling is on the table XD
Load More Replies... #76
When i realized that i was lonely as his girlfriend because he just...didn't care, wasnt there. best part of a relationship is to have that person who you open up to and have a mutual care for one another. You are there for each other and talk through things together, always putting the relationship first. Not in this relationship. whenever i was hurt or upset, i felt like he couldn't care less. i fact, he would more likely distance himself from me when i needed him most. I was always lonely and disappointed waiting and hoping for more love, openness and affection when it just didnt come. It was the hardest relationship to leave because we were so so so perfect for each other. I tried to give him everything but it just wasnt reciprocated. I had to always remind myself why i needed to let go and find someone better. A few months after, I did :) he is there for me, he loves me, he cares for me and he doesnt walk away when things become tough, he steps up to the plate and works through them because the relationship and our commitment to each other is important to him. Gosh I love that man!
Dog Mom to Zoe 6 months ago
" It was the hardest relationship to leave because we were so so so perfect for each other" This doesn't make any sense since she left him..
#77
He couldn't stand to be around my family. That was a big problem. I am close to my family. Met my now spouse and we both at least get along with each other's family or are on the same page on them.
#78
For me... We were meeting at her apt that evening. Another long distance deal and I had driven 4 hours to see her. She was early 30's and I was late 20's or maybe 30. She pulls into her garage and I can smell the heat and antifreeze as she is pulling in. The car is ticking as the engine is sooo hot that I don't know how it was running. I tell her it seems like her car is overheating. She gives me a confused stare. I ask her if she has lights in the dash or if the gauges were reading anything out of the norm. Again a confused stare. I got in her car and turned the key to ON. RED lights all over the dash, the temp gauge slams itself to the right. All of this on top of the stench of burnt antifreeze. I ask her if she noticed any of this and she again looked at me with a blank stare. Can you fix it? I am pretty decent amateur mechanic and I got her running to safely get it to the dealer as she had a busted radiator but I knew right then that she wasn't going to last....
sofacushionfort 6 months ago
No woman should come between this man and his love for automobiles
Colin Roach 6 months ago
How about between a woman and a death by their own defective automobile on the road?
Load More Replies... #79
After 2 years of arguing over the frequency of s*x I resented her to where I stopped giving a s**t where she went or what she did. Then realized that I didn't have the energy for it anymore and wanted to find someone more sexually compatible. Turns out most women love s*x. Glad I left.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 months ago (edited)
Libido incompatibilities can sometimes be insurmountable. I had a "dead bedroom" for years. It's awful. Obviously no one "needs" séx in the way we do food or water, but it can be horribly lonely to exist in a "dead bedroom" relationship if your partner refuses to talk about it or work on things. My ex ONLY wanted ánal séx, which was painful and unpleasant for me even with lubé and preparation, and he refused to have vag!nal séx with me. Nominally he said he was worried about pregnancy, but I was on BC already and he never once offered to use a c0ndom or get a vasectomy to lower the risk. He also told me to change the sounds I made during séx to "cuter" sounds (what.) Years down the line I gained some weight (to 160lbs at 5'5", I had been 140lbs before) and he told me my body disgusted me and he was no longer attracted to me. I stupidly still stayed for a few years longer. :p
#80
Sigh... saw how much he hated himself, gradually came to accept the old truism that those who do not love themselves can't truly love another.
This is so much truer than we like to believe. Especially since *so many* people seem to hate themselves these days, it can be hard just to find someone with true self-love. Still... this constant always bears-out in the end, and sure enough, that's the way it went for us, too.
It may feel like love at first, but once you get close enough, you and the relationship will be lumped right in with their self-loathing. Oh, for them the fantasy is fun, for a little while- but should it ever become "real", you will never be able to compensate for the original sin of loving a "wretch" such as themselves.
I hope he finds someone who, for him, is worth the effort of personal growth and self-acceptance. No one can do it for you, and it is worth it to try for yourself, if only so as not to hurt the people who care for you the most.
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What do you think ?
LtKernelPanic 6 months ago
Usually 90% these are of women hating on men so *shrug.*
Load More Replies... LtKernelPanic 6 months ago
Usually 90% these are of women hating on men so *shrug.*
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