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41 Parents Who Had No Idea What Their Children Were Going Through Until They Finally Opened Up
Parents often believe that they know their children better than they even know themselves. After all, they’ve been by their side since before their child took their first breath. But just because Mom and Dad have spent the most time with their little one doesn’t mean that they actually know what’s going on inside their head.
Parents have been opening up on Quora about heartbreaking secrets they’ve learned about their children, so we’ve gathered their most shocking stories below. From hiding mental health issues to engaging in dangerous activities, many of these replies detail a parent’s worst nightmare come true. But they’re good reminders to always check in with your kids and never assume that you know everything about them.
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#1
My 11-year-old son hadn't been his usual happy self for months. He'd been a lot more irritable and kept sequestering himself in his bedroom for hours on end. At first, I put it down to hormones starting to do their usual thing. He'd also had a hard time with his last school due to excessive workload (about three hours worth of homework every day) and had changed schools. So, for the first couple of months, I put it down to adjustment pains. New school, new classmates, new rules, but Christmas came and went, and he was still trying hard to turn himself into a hermit.
I had already started smelling something wasn't quite right at school, so I asked him if everything was okay. He just clammed up and refused to say a word other than 'I'm fine, mum!'
Two more months went by with nothing changing, and then, a month shy of the end of the school year, my boy broke down. 'I wish I was dead! The world would be happier if I were dead. I'm useless!!!' Turns out he was being bullied terribly at school.
We spent the whole night talking and crying. In the end, I convinced him to finish off the year and his exams, and he convinced me not to go on a violent rampage. We also made a pact. I would try to get him into another school as soon as was humanly possible, and he would refrain from turning his suicidal thoughts into action and talk to a psychiatrist.
Fast forwarding a bit, he passed his exams, and he's in a different school. He seems to be a lot happier now than this time last year, but I am still keeping an eagle eye on him, and he's still talking it out with a psychiatrist.
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#2
The most heartbreaking thing my child has ever told me was that he thinks he is demon-possessed. He has recently, at the age of 14, been diagnosed with schizophrenia. He has been dealing with this for as long as he can remember. I didn't know until last year when he sought help. My son has been living in fear and thinking he is evil his whole life. I am saddened by my ignorance of mental health. I had no idea the symptoms or struggles someone with schizophrenia endures until now. I am hurt that people with this illness feel they have to hide it, that they are isolated, and think that they cannot seek help because of the fear that they will be viewed as 'insane' or, worse yet, violent. My son is the most loving, kind, and wonderful person I know, and it breaks my heart that he is going to face a life of fighting, not only the illness but society's view of it.
#3
My husband died suddenly when my son was 5 years old. I sat him down the next day to explain to him that daddy had died. I had to do it in a calm, almost practical tone because I didn't want him to cry. I felt that he was too young for his heart to be broken that way. He took it all in calmly.
Then he said to me, “Mommy, I want a new heart, this one hurts.”
I learned that day how much physical effort it takes to stop oneself from crying.
Secrets are often seen as shameful, but according to research from Columbia University, a whopping 97% of people are concealing some information from others. In fact, the American Psychological Association reports that most of us are holding onto about 13 secrets at any given time.
Whether you don’t want to admit that it was you who ate the last cookie, or you’re scared to tell your colleague that you spotted her boyfriend cheating at the mall, you’ve probably got something locked up in your mind that you’ll never tell. But not all secrets are the same. Some are harmless, or might even be beneficial, while others could turn your life upside down if they ever came out.
#4
One year, my husband and I were having a really hard time getting up in time for work for, like, two months straight. Years later, we found out our daughter was d***ging us so she could sneak out. Either of us could have died, and she thinks it's funny she used to do that. Needless to say, she no longer lives with us and will not be allowed back if ever she falls on hard times.
#5
Yesterday 7/28 my son told me he needed to go inpatient rehab for alcoholism. He’s 22 and admitted he’d been drinking 20+ beers per day for the last year. I suspected it was bad but not this bad. This has damaged his relationship with his long-term girlfriend (lied to her about being in college last year) and also cost him his job for now. I’m hoping we can get him admitted today. This is not how we drew it up in the sand. We cried on each other for 2 hours yesterday. This stinks, there is no immediate fix. I feel terrible for my son and his 11 year-old sister (my daughter) who had had essentially no summer break due to his struggles.
#6
My 16-year-old daughter is struggling with anorexia and self-harm. So I fix meals, make her a small plate like her younger (very young) brother, and tell her there is more if she is hungry. I never say a word about her needing a plate if she chooses to eat out of the pan or if she eats it all before her dad or I eat. Remind her I'm here and can always listen. I'm never too busy for her. Therapy helps, too.
The British Psychological Society argues that keeping secrets isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, if you’re concealing good news, you might actually reap some benefits from your secret. For example, keeping your best friend’s surprise party a secret or preparing an engagement without informing your partner is harmless.
In fact, it might put you in an even better mood as you know the surprise is coming, and the secret will, hopefully, be appreciated once it’s revealed. These are also the kinds of secrets that we choose to keep, rather than information we’re forced to conceal out of pressure from someone else or for our own safety.
#7
I was cleaning my daughter's room, and I found a note on their desk that said 'Dear Mom.' I am not a snoopy mom, and I don't dig through their stuff, but it was hard to ignore that note. I skimmed it to find out that they are trans! They feel more like a boy than a girl. I am happy that they are figuring themselves out a little more, but I am not sure how to approach this as a parent. I don't want them to think I snoop through their stuff; they know I go in their room to get laundry, and the note was not hidden. But they have not given me the note yet. My plan so far is to just be a safe place for them to come out to when they're ready, and I hope I don't mess up pronouns for them (I am just super forgetful anyway).
#8
Self harm. Took my 13yo to dr for sports physical and she had to have ekg due to family cardiac history. Tech apologizes for having to put stickers over her scratches. On her torso, under where her bra would be.
Thinking to myself where the heck would she have gotten scratched, there, what it looks like, one scratch? Like fingernails? Dog (more likely) My mind blowing up with all the horrifying other images it could be from... keeping my supportive and compassionate face because when you are 13 and someone has you take your clothes off at a doctor's office for exam it is really awkward!!!
Sweet tech re-checks every single connection and apologizes again for the sticker on the scratches, let's her know she will probably want to take them off in the shower, etc,.
I think my daughter is smart enough to know she is not supposed to do it but more horrified that people found it. MORTIFIED that I now know.
You must have backstory now.
I started carving when I was in 7th grade. No idea what it was or meant. My dad was so angry all the time and was such an jerk and in addition to dealing with his extreme temper tantrums when he was angry about anything which was extremely frequent... I was told as a teenager that I was too young to have stress, in fact I was seeking help at the counselor's office in 6th grade to deal with his outbursts. Carving helped deal with all my feelings I was having and could not understand because I knew it wasn't normal to have so much going on inside and also it was not stress. Fast forward through learning what it was and why I was doing it poof practically magic and I almost never did it after that. In many forms, boys, drinking, smoking, etc.
Back to original story...
When we got home casusl convo as usual, I mentioned we are going to talk about the scratches. She agreed, took a half second and told me she did them herself and walked away hoping end of convo. I'm not a dick and mostly let her talk to me as much and understanding given as possible in two seconds. Followed up with we are going to actually talk about it.
Eventually we did and I made her show me. Guys it was a ton of tiny scratches! She used a pin. Omg
It is really hard to have my angel is pain enough at herself to hurt herself to get it out. We talked a bit and she was the lightest feeling person after that. Really interacting with us again and knows that her worth is not reflected in whatever-she's-not-doing-perfectly
She is a perfectionist and no she did not get that from us. Doors are open for conversation and she feels safe talking about stress and anxiety
Life is hard. Especially as a kid because everything is out of your control.
#9
Dr*g ab*se and selling. I figured it out. Because he pulls the "I am an adult thing" I can't do anything about it. I evicted him. He's still not open to any kind of help. So he will have to come to a time where he needs help and asks for it. Very heartbreaking.
Where secrets start to become a problem is when they begin negatively impacting a person’s well-being. Have you ever heard the saying that secrets make you sick? Well, according to STR Behavioral Health, there might be some truth to that. Holding onto secrets might first trigger mental issues, such as anxiety and stress, but over time, those can manifest into physical symptoms.
Concealing information might lead to rapid disease progression, increased blood sugar levels, difficulty quitting substances, changes in heart rate, digestive system issues, and sleep issues like insomnia and restlessness.
#10
My daughter is 15 and is already very sexually active. We took her to the hospital, and we found out she had genital herpes. She said she probably got it from dirty toilet paper from her camping trip that happened last month. I didn't believe in that, but I told her I did. So, a few days ago, I took her phone (she was in detention for something else). ... I read some of her messages between her and some friend. They were talking about body counts. I didn't know what that meant, so I googled it. So, my daughter slept with seven scrampy boys and got HERPES from one of them.
#11
My son is very honest with me, so I've never felt the desire to snoop on him. Over the summer, I was looking for my tape measure, and remembered that I'd asked him to measure the space above his desk for shelving. I went into his room (he was away at camp for a couple of weeks) and looked high and low before spotting the tape measure under his desk. I couldn't comfortably reach it because of how the desk was constructed, so I pulled the desk away from the wall. While doing so, I heard a soft thud. After I'd created enough of a clearance to shimmy between the wall to the back of the desk, I saw the gift box that we'd wrapped his birthday present in, splayed on the floor with what appeared to be an assortment of fabrics. Upon closer inspection, I saw what the 'fabrics' really were — a box of washed and unwashed women's underwear.
I put the desk back but couldn't recreate how the box was situated before. After thinking about what to do, I decided to broach this with him when he returned. More than anything else, I wanted to be sure he wasn't doing anything dangerous (so many thoughts ran through my mind, the strongest being that he was somehow buying them from or bartering with girls at school...).
When he came home, I told him I needed to talk to him. He seemed nervous, and as soon as I mentioned the tape measure, he started to cry. He knew I'd found the box and was crying not because of that but because he thought I'd discovered he was stealing underwear from his best friend's mother. I'm not sure why he arrived at that conclusion, but such is the mind of my 13-year-old.
It turned out that over about a 20-month period, he'd taken to swiping my wife's coworker's (mother of his best friend) underwear from her laundry basket, hamper, and even her bedroom drawer whenever he had a chance. There was a total of eleven pairs of underwear.
It took me a few days to have a heart-to-heart with him, and it was one of the most difficult conversations I'd ever had to have with him. Maybe I stopped him from engaging in progressively more perverted behavior, or maybe not. I just hope that he doesn't go down a path like that again and that his sexual proclivities manifest themselves in more natural and non-illicit ways.
#12
My son](15) and his childhood bestie (15M) are doing dr*gs together. Yesterday, he asked me if his bestie could come over this week and play GTA, a game in which, up to now, he's never shown interest. I said I'd think about it. T
his morning, I picked up his phone and spied on him. Sure enough, there is a message to his bestie asking if he can come over this week because my son has 'k*sh and pills, and my mom is working 9–6 every day.' I haven't confronted him yet. This isn't our first rodeo with w**d, but pills are pretty concerning. Pretty stressed today and trying to figure out how to deal with this.
While it’s natural for kids to want to keep some secrets from their parents, it’s important for Moms and Dads to find a healthy balance between respecting their children’s privacy and looking out for their kids. To prevent teens, in particular, from concealing information, Newport Academy recommends that parents work on building trust and open communication with their kids. The safer they feel opening up, the less likely they’ll be to keep things bottled up.
#13
I found dr*g paraphernalia in my 16-year-old's bedroom yesterday while making her bed. My heart is broken, and I'm not sure how to approach the situation. ... I'm pretty sure it's m*th. We've had this issue throughout my family history.
#14
When my oldest son was 14, he was having the first symptoms of his bipolar depression. We all thought he was just a very self-controlled child turning into a teen and having the usual moody behavior that comes with puberty. He had insisted that he sign up for all honors classes his first year in high school, despite me telling him that he shouldn't push himself so hard. The guidance counselor and I only agreed to the all-honors classes if he agreed to downgrade to normal classes if he felt overwhelmed. About one month into the school year, he was always doing homework and isolating himself in his room.
Here's where the secret came in. He was messaging a friend of his, whom he'd known for nine years, and told her that he had a plan to k**l himself. She broke her promise to keep his secret and told her dad to call me. Her father called me and said, 'Go check on Nathaniel now!' So I did. I asked my son if he was OK, and he broke down and said, 'No, Mom. Something is wrong with my brain.' I held him while he cried for a few minutes, then called my husband to take him to the hospital while I cleared his room of meds and anything sharp. He was admitted to the psychiatric hospital and was diagnosed with rapid-cycling bipolar depression. He has been medicated and in therapy for almost 7 years now. His secret almost k****d him.
#15
I'm not really a parent but I suppose the easiest classification here would be step mom. When wandering around my boyfriend's ex's mom's property to visit his daughter (she has custody and lives with HER mom), we found a noose strung up in a tree back in his daughter's play area of the forest (she was 12 at the time).
About a week or two later (or before, I don't remember), her mom (the ex) found a s**cide note back there. It was written in crayola marker and filled with I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. It was absolutely heartbreaking to read. We've all tried to rally around her- we're definitely not a "normal" family... and it's been hard on his daughter. She's doing better now and has a ton of great friends - but it was about the worse thing to find.
Since that time there has been a lot of talk about being open about feelings, she's talked to school counselors, and her mom is trying to pay more attention to her. When my bf and I are able to have her with us- we play r/DnD with her... and she's HOOKED on it (seriously, other than homework she spends all her time making modules and writing character backstory). It was a chilling discovery, that day in the forest - but it could have been far worse (she could have been IN the noose) and now we're all a lot closer.
We know that these aren’t the most uplifting stories to read, pandas. But we hope that they’ll encourage you to check in with your own kiddos and make sure that they’re doing okay. Keep upvoting the responses that you find most shocking, and feel free to open up about heartbreaking secrets that your own children have revealed in the comments below. Then, if you want to dive even deeper into this topic, you can find another Bored Panda article featuring secrets people have kept from their parents right here.
#16
In March, my 15-year-old daughter started to act weird. She would overeat and wear big sweatshirts all the time until one day, I took her to the doctor for a daily checkup...and then, the doctors told me she was six months pregnant. My jaw dropped...my daughter continued to look guilty the whole ride home.
#17
My 13-year-old son is depressed. ... We recently replaced his phone, and the old one was still logged into his accounts. Some messages popped up on the lock screen, and they concerned me, so I looked closer. He talks to his ex-girlfriend a lot (he's never admitted to having a girlfriend) about how he's been depressed for over a year. Now, I open the old phone once in a while to keep an eye on his mental state. I don't care about the p**n or the w**d references or anything else; I just want to make sure he's okay.
#18
My son (35) lives at home and hid an opi*te ad***tion for 15 years, fueled by my mom with ad***tion issues. It was far more extensive than I could've imagined. I got wind of this when he admitted it and wanted treatment; he is now two-plus years clean and is still attending meetings. I am so proud of him, but Jesus, kids can be incredibly sneaky.
#19
“Do you wish I died instead of Denise? “ My sweet little 9 year old, Theresa looked at me tearfully. She was suffering terribly from seeing her 12 year old sister struck by a car and k**led in a school crosswalk by a woman who ran the red light. She had heard all the wonderful things everyone said about Denise at the funeral, at school, everywhere we we went. One stupid, cruel teacher actually said to her, “You’re nothing like your sister, she was special. It should have been you.” (She was eventually fired.)
I did everything I could to let Theresa know how loved she was. I told her I missed Denise terribly and was devastated by her death, but I would never in a million years want to lose her! She was every bit as special to me. She was my baby girl… I loved her forever and always to the moon and back. (A favorite phrase we used over and over) Still she suffered for many, many years from ptsd and survivors guilt in spite of the counseling and care she was given. A once joyful, carefree child….the light disappeared and her childhood effectively ended the day her sister died.
When I hear people say that children are resilient, they bounce back from grief and tragedy….they don’t know what they are talking about. Children have a harder time verbalizing their pain, their fear. Suddenly someone close to them dies and suddenly the realization hits them….they discover they could die just as swiftly and disappear just like Denise disappeared from Theresa’s life and mine.
Life is so very cruel. Theresa and I enjoyed a close relationship. As she grew to adulthood, we became friends as well as mother/daughter. She moved to live near me a few years ago. Then two years ago, she was k**led in an accident eerily similar to her sister’s. A crazy driver caused a head on collision.
I can be thankful that both of my children always knew I loved them and that love doesn’t die. I miss them every day.
#20
My soon-to-be six year old son just finished kindergarten. A few months back, on a Saturday during the middle of the winter season here in cold & snowy Minneapolis, my husband and I were out shopping with our five kids (the son in the story is our second oldest.)
So as we were wandering around the store, our little guy saw something he just had to have: a kids size Minnesota Vikings winter hat and pair of gloves. It’s his absolute favorite NFL team — our entire family bleeds purple & gold, especially my husband and our three boys — so he fell in love with them on the spot and just couldn’t leave without them. I was hesitant, because they were not cheap ($40!!!) and as the mother of five young kids, I know how easily little ones lose their hats and gloves… we go through tons each winter. But I just couldn’t resist, so hubby and I bought them for him as long as he promised that he absolutely would not lose them. He agreed.
He wore them to school every day the next week and proudly returned home each day with his Vikings gear in tow — I checked the moment he climbed in the car when we picked him up from school. After that, I figured he’d proved he was responsible enough that I didn’t need to keep hounding him about it, so I just let him put the hat and gloves in his winter bag along with his coat, snow pants, boots, etc. each afternoon when he got home from school and trusted they were in there.
Then a week later, when I went to do the laundry, I couldn’t find the hat and gloves in his bag. I went to ask him where they were — he and hubby were, ironically, watching the Vikings game on TV — and my little boy’s head immediately fell, a disappointed look appearing on his face.
“I don’t have them anymore, momma,” he whispered sadly.
“Oh no, honey, did you lose them?!” I replied incredulously.
My son shook his head. “No.”
Huh? Confused, I asked, “Then what happened to them?”
“I gave them away,” he told me solemnly.
What??? I sighed and gently scolded him, telling him that he can’t be giving his things away like that, especially when they were so expensive.
Then my husband asked who he’d given them to. Our son answered the name of another boy in his class. I knew that the boy’s father had died a few years prior, and his mom had recently lost her job so money had been really tight for a long time. When we asked why he’d done that, his answer literally shattered my heart.
My sweet, innocent, caring little boy replied, “Because he doesn’t have any hats or gloves, mommy, and his head and hands get cold at recess every day. I have bunches more hats and gloves at home that I can wear. Is that okay?”
I’d never been so saddened but so incredibly proud at the same time. My son adored that Vikings hat and gloves, but he’d selflessly given them away to a boy who needed them much more than he did. I started to cry and hugged my little guy, telling him what a good, sweet boy he was and thanking him for being so kind, generous, and compassionate. Something as simple as a hat and pair of gloves had really make a difference for that classmate.
It was one of those proud parent moments where you wonder what you ever did to get lucky enough to have such wonderful babies, and you love them even more than you thought was possible.
Today, six months later, I’m happy to share that my son and the boy he gave the hat & gloves to have become good friends; they have play dates every couple weeks and play together at recess every day. He’s such a sweetheart. Also, the boy’s mother got a new job so the two of them are back on their feet and in a much better place.
Hooray for happy endings :)
#21
That she’s thinking of altering her dreams because of a boy. She’s thinking of letting a boy hold her down in life. She’s thinking of throwing away her abilities because he doesn’t have the same abilities.
She didn’t actually say it like that, of course. She just suddenly decided that she doesn’t want to go out of state for college and would rather go somewhere close to home.
Why?
Well it just so happens that her boyfriend will probably be lucky to end up in a community college and will continue to live with his parents after high school. She knows that their relationship wouldn’t survive being long distance.
I thought we raised her to be more independent and to have more foresight than that. She has the grades and ability to go to almost any college she wants. She can be anything she wants.
He’s a nice guy, but he’s not “college material.” He’s probably going to go to community college for a few years, flounder and get bad grades, give up, and spend the rest of his life working retail or manual labor. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m not knocking people who do that. Good for them. God bless them; they’re doing their best.
But I hate that she’s thinking of clipping her own wings because he can’t fly with her.
Her high school boyfriend, like most high school boyfriends, is temporary and, in the long run, trivial. College and career choices are more permanent and important.
I know too many middle-aged women who wish they hadn’t let their high school boyfriend alter the course of their lives …
#22
This happened when we had just moved to Mumbai 4 months back.
My daughter is a mischievous, talkative and a very lively person. After we shifted she missed the house she had considered her own, she missed her friends, the big garden, her space. Basically everything.
She was sitting quietly on the sofa one day when I asked her what bothered her.
“Everyone is leaving me and going Mumma. Everything is changing. Papa also is not home so much. You will also leave me and go?”
It broke my heart to see her like this. School was not going to start for another 2 months and I didn't know what to do with her.
She wanted to be surrounded by people. But we hardly knew any people here. Neighbours weren't that friendly. And my daughter craved for company.
“I don't have anybody to play with me Mumma.”
Those 2 months were the hardest. And every time she said she didn't have anyone, it was painful for me to hear.
#23
“Please don't talk about babies, unless it's to say that you're having one.”
My eight year old daughter, Sian, told me with tears in her eyes. She had longed for a baby in the family for years. At Christmas whenever I asked her what she wanted she would answer immediately with: "A baby!”
I explained to her that as much as I too would love to have a baby, it wasn't really possible as I was in the middle of my medical degree, did she want anything else?
“No mum, please don't waste your money on stuff I don't need—I really just want a baby!”
This little girl never asks for anything. She is so easygoing and has never acted spoiled.
Finally I finished my studies and found the right time to have a baby…. At 16 weeks pregnant I couldn't wait to give Sian the good news. I knew she would be delighted and her reaction made everything even more wonderful. A new baby in the family—how blessed we felt!
She talked non-stop about all the things she would teach her sister. She couldn't wait to hold her hand while she learned to walk. She talked about the books she would teach her to read.
Sadly, a few weeks later we found out the baby had a complex cardiac defect (hypoplastic left heart syndrome). We were hopeful but tried not to have any expectations. Finally the day came to meet our gorgeous new addition. Sian came to the birth. She even videoed it. She was amazing support and the most loving big sister imaginable.
Hours after the birth I woke up to find Sian wasn’t beside me. I wandered down the corridor to discover she was already in NICU, at the bedside of her new little sister, Lamees. She was devoted. She read to her for hours, sang to her, stroked her head and rubbed her tiny feet. She knew nothing was guaranteed so she loved her with all her heart.
Finally, Lamees went in for her first heart surgery. It is a very difficult procedure, with a high mortality rate. Lamees managed well. For four days she appeared to be recovering perfectly—then sadly at the age of 23 days her heart grew weaker and stopped beating.
For seven months we have grieved the loss of our little Lamees. Some days more difficult than others, the nights especially hard. We have coped with the loss and stayed strong, getting closer as a family; more loving, more supportive, more open with our feelings.
I would love to see Sian happy again, she has so much love in her heart for a younger sibling, but the timing isn't great right now. My career needs to come first for a while.
So now whenever I mention a friend with a new baby or show her a cute video on Facebook, I see the same pained look in her eyes and I’m reminded how much she is still hurting inside.
I hope it's not too long before I get to see her excited little face again. I want to be able to talk about babies without making her sad.
#24
“Mommy, I'm a bad person, and I just want to die.”
My son was only 6 years old when he told me he wanted to die in between sobs. My beautiful baby boy. It ripped my heart right out of my chest.
He was struggling with Tourette’s Syndrome paired with Intermittent Explosive Disorder. He couldn't understand his outbursts, and couldn't control his tics. He was so small and helpless, and he felt like it was somehow his fault.
There is no greater pain than your sweet little baby telling you he doesn't want to live like this anymore, and feeling completely helpless to stop it.
He has since been rehabilitated through therapy and medication for his tics and outbursts, and thrives in life and at school. I'm so unbelievably proud of my little guy and the way he has overcome so much for how young he is. He's perfect, through and through.
Update: I promised myself I wouldn't do updates to say thank you because it's kinda cheesy, but this isn't to say thank you for the upvotes, it's to say thank you for the kindness from the Quora community. My sleepy little guy read through the beautiful comments this morning, and it made him feel so good to know that people all over the world love him, and even a few that have Tourette’s too. You guys made my little boy’s day, I'm so moved. Thanks for taking the time to love on a couple of strangers. Look at that smile!
#25
Last year my daughters (who are 4 and 6 years old) and I were going through our wedding photographs. Both of the girls, being very curious and talkative, kept asking questions about why their mom and I were living together after the wedding, why we are not with our parents anymore and all sorts of other questions that their cute little minds could think of at that time.
At night, when I was almost asleep, I felt something warm and wet on my face. I opened my eyes to find my 4 year old’s face very close to mine. Her tears were falling on my face. I was really surprised and immediately hugged her and asked for the reason why she was crying. She started crying loudly and in a broken and weak tone she told me,
“I don’t want to leave you, I don’t want to get married”
#26
My son was nearly 4 years old. One day he and my wife went to a restaurant to get a pizza for lunch. There was an elderly man who came in with his shopping cart. He was obviously homeless. He ordered a cup of coffee which the waitress grudgingly served him. (It was obvious she didn't want him there.) He fished on his pocket and pulled out a hot dog. He ate it slowly, dunking it in his coffee between bites.
My son asked why he was doing this and my wife explained that he was homeless and had no money. My son became upset and asked my wife if they could help him. As they were ready to leave, my wife brought him the untouched half of the pizza they had been eating. At first, he refused to take it as he was concerned that my son would not have enough to eat. My wife explained that they bought too much and the waitress would only throw it away if they left it. He took the pieces, carefully wrapped them up and stored them in his basket (most likely those slices would become his dinner that evening.). He thanked them with tears in his eyes when they left.
When they got into the car, my wife heard my son crying. When she asked him what was wrong. He looked at her through his tears and answered “Nothing Mommy…I just have feelings inside myself.”
Update: This same son is now an adult with children of his own, ages 4 and 6. I was injured in a fall and am now a paraplegic, confined to a wheelchair. The other day, he was walking his young daughters to school. He noticed the older one occasionally running ahead, picking up sticks and throwing them to the side of the road. After she did this several times, he asked her why she was doing it. She replied “If Papa ever walks us to school, his wheelchair tire would hit them and he would get thrown out of the chair. I want to make sure he is safe.” I cried when I heard that one.
#27
My son hates it when I go to work. It's hard to explain the reasons I have to go.
One night he asked “Dad, do you have to work tomorrow?” Being a Sunday night, I said I do.
He asked why. I said, “because I have to make money for food and toys and things.”
He got pretty excited at this and exclaimed “But I have money!” He then retrieved his Darth Vader piggy bank, “we can use this.”
It was pretty tough to get up and go to work the next day after that.
#28
One of my twin toddler sons was so angry that I was making the two of them take their bath (last stop before bedtime) that he announced to me in a thunderous rage he was going to, and I quote: “Boom your head off!!”
I remained calm. Not because that’s my personality, but mainly because I was exhausted from chasing them all over the yard that day in 90 degree heat.
“Buddy, if you boom mama’s head off, who’s gonna tell you guys stories, sing bedtime songs, and nurse you to sleep?”
“Hmmmm…”, he mused aloud,”I know! I’ll wait until I’m a big boy and I don’t NEED a mama anymore. But then I’m gonna BOOM YOUR HEAD OFF!!!”
His younger brother by two hours was horrified at this prospect: “Please don’t boom her head off,” he begged, “I don’t want a mama with no head.”
Buddy then replies, “Don’t worry, Moosie. I’ll find another mama head at the grocery store that will be nicer and PRETTIER (shoots me a withering glance) than this old mama head”.
Moosie begins to sob at this point. “But I don’t want a PRETTY mama head! I want the OLD mama head! Waaah!
This happened over 30 years ago, and it still cracks me up every time I think about it.
#29
In 1996 my oldest son walked into my bedroom at age 6 and said Mommy I'm dying. And he was. Sometime later that evening his pediatrician called and told me he had acute myeloid leukemia.
The upside to this answer is that even though he was given a 3% chance to make it through the night once we got to the hospital, we celebrate 20 years of successful bone marrow transplant between 2016 and 17.
#30
I lost my 4-year old grandson in a house fire. His 6-year old brother survived. This was in April and his mother could not deal with it all so I retained custody. In June as the summer months began, the 6-year old began asking me,
“when will I go pick up Andrew (his brother) so they could play?”
The first time he said it, it was all I could do not to cry! Just a few weeks after the fire and the losses were still enormous.
The younger brother was good at imagination and playing with his toys. The older brother is more of a leader and needed others to play with. Thus his request to get his brother.
I struggled all that summer to try to help him understand death and loss. I finally came up with this:
“You know how in the movie The Incredibles the daughter/sister is invisible?”
He answered yes.
I went on to say, “Death is like that. You cannot see Andrew anymore, but he is watching over you. You can talk to him any time you like and he will be a good listener. And, when ever you think you are alone - you are not! He will always be with you, even when you do not see him.”
Since I gave him that definition he has seemed to understand. He can now discuss the loss with his therapist (yes, we needed this too for all of us) and we hope some day we can all move on in peace.
#31
I was pressing my teen daughter, who had asked to earn some money, to clean out our car. She was 16 and she had done it before and I would give her $100 for a good job (back in the 2000’s that was good money for a teenager for 3 hours work). One day she was stressed when she got home from school and was very serious and I reminded her that she promised to clean the car the week before and it never got done. I was gentle because I knew it was mid terms time. I said “If you get it done by this weekend I’ll add $50.” But she looked at me and just broke down sobbing. She was having a particularly rough day, it was…that time…and she was behind in studying for tests and she was trying to tell me this.
My daughter finally looked up at me and said “Dad! You’re not LISTENING”. I felt about 3 inches tall. I was thinking about other things that I needed to get done and this was just another ‘thing’ to check off and I hadn’t heard a word she was saying until that moment. As a pretty tough Army guy and all around guy of ‘manly pursuits’…I teased up and just hugged her and apologized. And I asked her and her mother to help me learn how to listen…to explain what to watch for with them. Since a serious head injury I don’t always get facial cues or ‘hear’ stress in people’s voices…I’m a bit oblivious. But anyone can learn and they helped me and have been ever since!
#32
My 5-year old told me yesterday on behalf of himself and his 16-year old brother: “We are not your babies anymore. We are kids. Babies are only 1 or 2 years old.”
After examining my distraught face for a little while, he had to backpedal:
“I was just kidding. We are still your babies!”
#33
When my son was 5 he told me, “I hate you.”
He was upset about something I had not let him do - you know, acting like the Mom and all…
After he calmed down I told him that I loved him, and I had really hurt my feelings after he told me he hated me. I said I didn’t ever want to hurt my feelings like that again, so I had come up with a plan.
“The reason you hated me was because I was acting like your mom, so from now on I don’t want to be your mom. I’d rather just be buddies, so you won’t have to hate me. How does that sound to you?”
He thought that was a great plan…!
Until…
He came in for dinner. He asked what we were having, and I said, “Well, I had lasagne. But I only made enough for myself, since buddies usually don’t cook for each other. What are you going to have?”
“Uh… I don’t know. What is there?”
“What can you make?”
“I guess peanut butter? “
“Okay, enjoy that! I’m going outside for a bit.”
“Wait! Where IS the peanut butter?”
“In the cabinet, I think. I’m sure you’ll figure it out, bud.” And I went outside to read a book … and peek through the window.
The next day for breakfast I had French toast. He had cold cereal. For lunch I had Mac and Cheese, and he had … more peanut butter.
After lunch he said he had something REALLY important to talk to me about. He sat me down and said, very seriously, “I don’t think I want to be buds any more. I’m only five, and I think I need a mom.”
“I loved being your mom, but if it’s going to make you hate me, I don’t think I want to do that any more. That didn’t feel good to me.”
He said, “What if I promise I won’t hate you any more ever again?”
I said, “You’d do that?”
“If you would be my mom again I would.”
So we agreed - I’d be his mom, and he wouldn’t hate me for acting like his mom.
I’m sure there were times over the years when he was in his room sticking his tongue out at me, but he’s 25 now, and he’s never again told me he hates me.
But he still doesn’t like peanut butter.
#34
My 8 year old son just came back from his dad's who lives in another town. He visits his dad's on school holidays.
One afternoon he looked so low and teary on our drive home. I asked him what was wrong, he said to me “I wish I had a dad”.
I looked at him reminded him that he was with his dad a few days ago. He responded saying “I mean a dad, like one who takes me to the park to play cricket, helps me take care of my pet, cuddles me, takes me on adventures, helps me play my guitar, just hangs with and does fun stuff with me like other dads.”
I parked on the roadside because someone always cuts onions whenever we have this kind of conversation. I reminded him that I did all those things with him.
“I know mom. And I love you to the moon and back, but you throw like a girl!” was his response.
We hugged, cried and laughed simultaneously.
#35
A few days ago my ex son-in-law asked me if I wanted to get my four year old granddaughter off the bus and watch her for a few hours. She and I went to visit my mother, and then I took her to see her mother for some rare Mommy daughter time. All went well, both my daughter and granddaughter enjoyed their time together.
On the way back, I told my Granddaughter that she was awesome during the short ride and visit. Little Jabberjaws soon became quiet… (When a normally talkative 4 year old becomes quiet, it can be a good bet that something is up.) When she didn’t answer me, I pulled off the road to see what was going on. Quiet tears were rolling down her face. I asked her what was wrong, In a heart rendering voice she asked, “Papa, why don’t Mom and Dad think I’m awesome?” She noticed a tear in my eye (that I attributed to a bug). I composed myself, and told her that they thought she was awesome as well.
I had to stop at my home before taking her back to her place. During this time she was constantly wanting to hug me and was telling me how happy she is when she’s with ‘Papa’.
As we walked the few blocks to her home, she insisted on holding my hand the entire way. Just before we went into her place, she gave me a hug and told me she wished that Mom would come back home.
#36
I have three very different daughters. One day when they were all quite young—10, 5 and 4—I came home with a big box of temporary tattoos. There were sheets and sheets of possible choices: tribal art, princesses, sporty things.
Chaos ensues as the kids scramble to the kitchen table to grab a seat and see the choices. I grab the scissors and start cutting out the ones I think the kids will like the best. For the oldest—my quirky artist—I grab the ladybug, knowing that she loves them. She squees as she wets her arm and starts to apply the tattoo. My middle—the ersatz rockstar—is thrilled when I grab the electric guitar tattoo for her. For my baby, I cut out the princess tattoo and hand it to her to hold for a second while I finish with the middle.
From around the table, my four year old heads toward me. I’m busy, so she taps me on the shoulder and waits for me to face her. Taking my face into her little hands, she turns my head toward her. Looking at the tattoo on the table she says, “Mom. You just don’t get me. Do you?”
My heart breaks just a little, because she’s right. I don’t. She’s different and her tastes are capricious. I take a beat and respond, “You’re right. I don’t. But I’m trying.”
She smiles and says, “That’s Ok. I love you anyway.”
Me: “I love you anyway, too.”
She lets go of my face, looks at the tattoo, and points to the one she wanted (a knock-off superhero.)
The moment was heartbreaking. I know I just don’t understand her with the ease I understand the other two. Even now, 11 years later, I still work harder with her than the others. But that’s OK. Love requires hard work—and the wisdom of a 4 year old.
#37
Not my kid but my cousin’s kid.
During a rocket attack in Israel, I was huddled, traumatized in a corner. My little cousin came to me. “It’s fine, it happens a lot. Don’t cry, it’s alright.”
She’s eight. I’m an adult and she’s so used to rocket attacks that she’s comforting me.
#38
My son was 6 foot 2 inches high, lean, well educated, and very handsome. We were at a party celebrating his older sister's graduation from college, my wife and I were in the house and my son was outside.
All of a sudden, we saw a half-dozed girls heads turn and light up. One of the girls got up and walk towards the front door. We watched her and she was headed right towards our son who had just come inside. She casually stood in front of him but our son was oblivious to her.
I watched several other times where he was attracting girls attention over time but was not aware of it.
I onced asked him if he had a girlfriend to which he answered “why would any girl want me”? It broke my heart. I answered, “because you are a nice, kind person.”.
Several years later he was traveling around Africa when he entered a youth hostel where he encountered two girls speaking French. Now, the only reason my son knew French was that his mother suggested that he should take Spanish as it was the second language in California.
He is now married to one of those girls, has 2 sons and in living in France. He is very happily married.
#39
About five years ago, our daughter came home crying. It was still one of the early days of second grade, and I asked her what was wrong. She told me, “The boys at school told me it’s not normal to have two dads and told me that I’m weird.”
Our daughter has two dads, and we’ve never kept it a secret to her that we used a surrogate and egg donor to have her. She’s always known that her family is herself and her two dads. She’s always been very matter of fact about it, and when anyone asks about her mom, she just says, “I don’t have one, I have two dads.” So, up until this particular day, it hadn’t been an issue. And we tried to make sure it wouldn’t ever be an issue.
We had talked to her school beforehand to let her teachers know that we had an alternative family structure. We were very involved with the school so many parents knew we were “the family with two dads.”
Even with all the preparation, I knew this day was inevitable, but it still broke my heart.
Follow-up: The next day I went to her teacher and explained to her what our daughter told us about the school incident. That very day the teacher prepared a special lesson on different families, and how it was “normal” to be in a family with one parent, two parents, no parents (e.g. only grandparents, foster parents, etc.), and how you shouldn’t bully kids for being in a special or different family from what you are used to.
#40
My wife and I could not conceive. So we adopted a four month old orphan from South Korea. She came home one day from first grade. I was teasing with her and asked her if she had a boy friend. She looked sad and said dad everyone likes Annie. Ann was a sweet blond blue eyed girl. I said honey you are as beautiful as Annie. She said yea, but the boys say I ain’t white. It broke my heart. She showed them all she grew up to be a good athlete, great student, lots of friends and is now a surgeon and happily married.
#41
“If you remarry, I’m never coming back to visit after I move out. You can come visit me by yourself, but you can’t bring her with you. That woman won’t have anything to do with me…”
My 15-year-old daughter said this to me as if it were a foregone conclusion. When she was a little girl, she and her brother were removed from their birth family and placed in foster care. Most of the time they were in foster care was spent with one family, but for whatever reason, that family chose not to adopt.
3 times.
When my wife and I got the call, there was no hesitation. We wanted to adopt. We didn’t place any limitations on age or quantity, we just knew that this would be the way we grew our family. It was a struggle at first, but things that are worthwhile often are.
Two years later, my wife walked out on us. Being married with two kids no longer fit into her desired lifestyle. She gave up a 14-year marriage, two kids, her education goals and a good job, all in the pursuit of idle vanity. My daughter’s dreams of a “forever family” were crushed.
After 5 years of increasingly rare visits and little to no financial or moral support, as my daughter and I were driving around late one afternoon, she sums up her feelings about my hypothetical future wife in 8 little words:
“…I never had a mom that stuck around.”
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