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43
Wife Is Treated Like A Sitter During Visits, Husband Steps In And Puts His Foot Down
A family’s love is unconditional, but sometimes, drama is inevitable. We’ve all got that one relative who thinks boundaries are a myth, like Bigfoot, but somehow less believable. You show up for a quick visit, and suddenly you’re elbow-deep in juice boxes, crayons, and emotional blackmail.
Now imagine your wife was your kid brother’s babysitter six years ago, but your parents never quite let her off the clock even after she married you and had kids of her own. That was the situation today’s Original Poster (OP) found himself in. However, when he put his foot down, his parents were livid.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
It’s difficult when people can’t seem to move past the role you once played in their life, especially when you’ve evolved beyond it
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author’s wife used to babysit his younger brother at his parents’ house years ago, which was how they met, and they then got married
Image credits: ThrowRAcaretoknoww
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
She fell pregnant, but he soon began to notice that every time his parents needed help with his younger brother, they would still call her to help
Image credits: ThrowRAcaretoknoww
Image credits: Keenan Constance / Pexels (not the actual photo)
One day, his parents asked them to come over to their place, but after an hour, they had to leave for an appointment, insisting that his wife stay behind with the younger brother
Image credits: ThrowRAcaretoknoww
This really upset him and his wife, and he eventually confronted his parents and told them that if it didn’t stop, they wouldn’t see their grandkids
The OP’s wife used to babysit his younger brother years ago as a temporary gig to help pay for a college class. However, during her time with the family, sparks flew between her and him, and a full-blown relationship followed. Fast forward a few years and two kids later, his parents apparently never really stopped seeing his wife as “the sitter.”
Even after she had her own children and shifted into full-time motherhood, they still expected her to step up whenever their youngest son needed attention. And somehow, those casual asks turned into regular requests for babysitting. Initially, the couple didn’t mind pitching in every now and then. After all, everyone needs help from time to time, but things escalated.
His parents started asking her directly, as if she were still their employee and completely disregarding the fact that she’s now caring for a newborn and a 5-year-old of her own. They were invited to introduce their new baby to his parents, but after an hour of small talk, they revealed they had an appointment and assumed the OP’s wife could “stay and watch the kid.”
Understandably frustrated, his wife left with the kids while the OP stayed back to confront his parents. He told them firmly that they needed to stop treating her like a babysitter. However, instead of apologizing, the parents were upset that they wouldn’t stay to help. He then made it clear that there would be no more visits until the babysitting expectations ended. And that left his parents livid.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The role of the OP’s wife is what Calm would refer to as “default parenting,” which is when a person becomes the go-to for certain things. They explain that this role, often falling on mothers or women in caregiving roles, can be deeply exhausting and lead to burnout over time.
Medical News Today also links this to familial manipulation, which involves tactics used by family members to control or exert power over another, often by pressuring them into compliance. A key red flag is feeling unable to say no, even when boundaries are being crossed. The OP’s parents repeatedly pushing his wife into babysitting despite her no longer being in that role overrides her autonomy and is manipulative.
As Choosing Therapy explains, setting boundaries with parents after marriage can be tough, especially when they’re overly involved or unwilling to adjust to your new family dynamic. While their curiosity may come from a place of care, it’s essential to put your marriage first.
They provide key strategies that include establishing new expectations around family time, calling out unfair projections or comments, and limiting contact with toxic behavior when necessary.
Netizens were in strong support of the OP and his decision to draw the line. They applauded him for backing up his wife and called out the parents’ behavior as disrespectful and outdated.
What do you think about this situation? Do you think the husband went too far by cutting off visits, or was that the only way to get the message across? We would love to hear your thoughts!
This got his parents really angry, and netizens affirm that the author did nothing wrong in setting that boundary
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What do you think ?
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 7 months ago
They're just freeloaders. Funny how they keep the "babysitting" bit in their heads without remembering the "paying" bit. 😄
V 7 months ago
I would tell them that you can ask ME to babysit, but there has to be at least 48hours notice unless there is a real medical emergency because we also have 2 young children to raise. But my wife, the mother of my children , the mother of your grandchildren, will no longer do any babysitting, whether you are in a pinch or otherwise.
Janelle Collard 7 months ago (edited)
Good for OP! Maybe he + his wife can go low or no contact for awhile with his parents cuz it doesn't seem like they will let this go.
JayWantsACat 7 months ago
But hey didn't "ask" for a favor that last time. They knew they were leaving, didn't bring it up until the last minute, and then expected OP's wife to babysit. That's not a favor. That's an expectation. The fact that they're mad instead of willing to change says everything.
Lee Gilliland 7 months ago
I just hope they don't suggest his parents use their babysitter, because they'll try to steal her to get even. I've seen it happen.
Stannous Flouride 7 months ago
How many times have we seen people on here trying to excuse their egregious behavior by saying the were "just asking a favor"?
Dragon Lady 3 months ago
Your wife accidntally fell pregnant? Come on! As for the rest, you are right to behave this way.
Lorraine Heath 4 months ago
I would suggest your wife obtains names of babysitters in your parent’s neighbourhood and the with you makes a time to sit down with your parents to communicate with them that she is now busy with her new baby and 5 year old and offers them the list of babysitters for them to peruse. Your wife with your support needs to control the narrative in a nice calm way to stop this from happening again. Family is important but they need to listen and respect you as a separate and independent family. Good luck.
Troy Turner 7 months ago (edited)
If they didn't want the responsibility, why did his parents have another child? The decisions some people make leave me dumbfounded.
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 7 months ago
They're just freeloaders. Funny how they keep the "babysitting" bit in their heads without remembering the "paying" bit. 😄
V 7 months ago
I would tell them that you can ask ME to babysit, but there has to be at least 48hours notice unless there is a real medical emergency because we also have 2 young children to raise. But my wife, the mother of my children , the mother of your grandchildren, will no longer do any babysitting, whether you are in a pinch or otherwise.
Janelle Collard 7 months ago (edited)
Good for OP! Maybe he + his wife can go low or no contact for awhile with his parents cuz it doesn't seem like they will let this go.
JayWantsACat 7 months ago
But hey didn't "ask" for a favor that last time. They knew they were leaving, didn't bring it up until the last minute, and then expected OP's wife to babysit. That's not a favor. That's an expectation. The fact that they're mad instead of willing to change says everything.
Lee Gilliland 7 months ago
I just hope they don't suggest his parents use their babysitter, because they'll try to steal her to get even. I've seen it happen.
Stannous Flouride 7 months ago
How many times have we seen people on here trying to excuse their egregious behavior by saying the were "just asking a favor"?
Dragon Lady 3 months ago
Your wife accidntally fell pregnant? Come on! As for the rest, you are right to behave this way.
Lorraine Heath 4 months ago
I would suggest your wife obtains names of babysitters in your parent’s neighbourhood and the with you makes a time to sit down with your parents to communicate with them that she is now busy with her new baby and 5 year old and offers them the list of babysitters for them to peruse. Your wife with your support needs to control the narrative in a nice calm way to stop this from happening again. Family is important but they need to listen and respect you as a separate and independent family. Good luck.
Troy Turner 7 months ago (edited)
If they didn't want the responsibility, why did his parents have another child? The decisions some people make leave me dumbfounded.
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