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Teen Gets Berated For Asking To Exclude ‘Traumatized’ Adoptive Siblings From His B-Day Celebration
The thing is that we humans are social creatures and everyone needs someone. Knowing that there indeed is a person out there who cares for us is enough to see us through in tough times. It can be anyone from your parents to your friends or your partners because riding solo can definitely be difficult, especially when you are a teen.
So Reddit user wildlayabout was feeling really neglected when his parents gave all their attention to their adopted kids. When he literally begged for their attention, they berated him and even threatened him with therapy!
More info: Reddit
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Having parents that care about you and give you all their attention can be really helpful in life, but not everyone is lucky to have it
Image credits: Vitolda Klein / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The poster’s very rarely included in family therapy for his adopted siblings, where he’s told not to show off, and he feels jealous that his parents favor his adopted siblings over him
Image credits: wildlayabout
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
As they’re barely present on his important days, he requested that he wanted a birthday dinner with just the parents and not the siblings
Image credits: wildlayabout
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
They were angered by this and threatened him with therapy, so he tried to speak about his achievement but they said he was ‘bragging’ when his siblings were traumatized
Image credits: wildlayabout
One of his sisters said that they should have a family outing that focused on him, but the other one said that he just wanted to “feel special”; in truth, he wants someone to care for him
Today, we dive into the life of the original poster (OP), who’s a 15-year-old living with his parents and three adopted siblings. As the kids were adopted during their pre-teen ages, they had to go to adoption therapy and family therapy with the parents. During these sessions, the poster has rarely been included, and even when he was, it was to tell him to be less of a “show off”.
Well, no wonder he feels jealous of his adopted siblings, because his parents have been mostly absent for the major occasions in his life. At times, they even demanded that the poster give them space with the other children so that their bonding activities were not disrupted. Ouch, that does sound quite hurtful.
So, it’s natural that he felt left out and asked his parents for some alone time just with them on his birthday dinner. Things just escalated after that as they were not pleased to hear that they favored the other kids over him. In fact, they even threatened him with therapy. After a few minutes of silence, OP broke it and spoke about his achievement.
Guess what? They said that it was not the time to brag as his siblings were traumatized and they needed more attention. They even accused him of not considering them his “real” siblings. Well, that must have further broken OP. But after dinner, one of his sisters suggested that they go out as a family but pay more attention to him, and the poster was thrilled about it.
But it didn’t last long as the other sister pulled him aside and claimed he just wanted to “feel special”. That was probably the breaking point for him as he felt like running away. All he wants is for someone to genuinely care for him. Well, when he vented on Reddit, folks showered him with a ton of empathy and love.
Image credits: Askar Abayev / Pexels (not the actual photo)
They were quite outraged with the couple and expressed that he has every right to have emotional needs from his parents. Just because the adopted siblings need more attention does not mean that they shouldn’t agree to spend one birthday dinner just with him. It is completely their fault for neglecting the emotional needs of the teen.
PsychCentral states that growing up in an emotionally neglectful family, with your feelings ignored or discounted, has profound effects on how you feel as an adult, the choices you make, and your perceptions of yourself. It also stays with you for your entire life, hanging over your relationships, and holding them back from developing the depth and resilience you deserve.
Research suggests that approximately 5 million Americans are adoptees, and a study has observed that these adoptees are likely to suffer through emotions like grief, guilt, loss, and shame. So it is quite admirable that the parents have been taking care of the mental health of the adopted kids, as many folks pointed out.
However, they also said that in the process, the parents have been completely ignorant that the other teen also needs the same attention from them. Research also states that disfavored children can experience bad outcomes like depression, greater aggressiveness, lower self-esteem, and poor academic performance.
People also commented that despite suffering so much because of the parents favoring the other kids, the poster does not at all seem bitter. In fact, they applauded him for the way he has handled the situation. It was clearly evident that the whole situation is breaking his heart, yet he spoke about his siblings with compassion, and all he wants is for someone to care for him.
What would you do if you were in his shoes? Let us know in the comments.
Redditors empathized with the poster and didn’t hesitate to call out the parents who have been ignoring his emotional needs
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What do you think ?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
I'm an adopted child myself and I feel terrible for OP. My situation was the opposite - I was adopted JUST to be a sibling for my parents' bio child (my mom did not want her to be an only child) and while my adoptive dad was fantastic and truly loved me, my adoptive mother clearly favored her bio child over me, to the point where my mom abused me in every way you can abuse a person, but her bio daughter never even got spanked. I understand that the adopted kids in OP's situation may have come from a terrible situation and may have been traumatized/abused, so yes, did they probably need extra therapy and love/care at first? Absolutely. However, OP should not have been NEGLECTED by his parents just because the adopted sibs needed extra care. Make time for ALL your kids, because they ALL are YOUR KIDS. It's great to adopt, and wonderful to adopt older kids (I was adopted at birth, but I know how hard it is for older kids to find homes), but you CANNOT neglect other children in the home.
Alexa Saltz 1 year ago
You already know how this is going to go. Asking for your parents to spend 2 on 1 time for your birthday is a reasonable request. Not at all selfish. I am the matriarch (ugh, makes me sound ancient) of a 3 generation household with many school aged children. Once a month, one child gets to be the only one doing something or going somewhere. We do this so they can be the center of attention and we adults get to know and spend time without others getting in the way. Could be me, Grandma, and Grandpa taking the kid to McDonald's then the zoo. Could be Mom and Dad staying home to help build the Boy Scout wooden race car and ordering pizza. Anyway, you got it rough. Just do you and get out first chance. You are important, your achievements deserve recognition, andyour successes should be celebrated. You will find your way. Be well ...
Bec 1 year ago
It is a totally reasonable request for OP to have some individual time with their parents. My cousin has 2 kids, just a few years between them. The older child had a life altering medical emergency that required a long hospital stay; they made sure to make time for the younger child, and still have at least one parent at his major events.
Sami-Jo Ross 1 year ago
OP wants his parents to actually spend time with him? OH, THE HUMANITY! He's clearly an insensitive and arrogant brat! Why, he's even proud of his accomplishments, the audacity! (For those who can't tell, this is SEETHING sarcasm.)
Gwyn 1 year ago (edited)
I'm the bio child in a family with two other adopted sisters and we even had a young foster brother for a while. This is so like my experience! My parents gave SO much attention to the others girls and still do. I got a similar reaction, though not threatening, that I just didn't "need" as much as they did and I shouldn't complain. They never really listened. I am not very close to my parents and not at all to my adopted siblings, who always seem to have an attitude about my being "the good kid" even though it meant I had to be extremely independent and do everything on my own. In some ways that served me well but I fear that I'll never have a bond with my family. Not sure what to say to OP because I can't think of how it could ever have turned out differently through anything I could have done. Hang in there and make your own life, it' can still be a good one in the end.
Petra 1 year ago
"It can still be a good one in the end." I think more people need to hear this. Just because you're childhood wasn't the best doesn't mean your adulthood can't be AWESOME. Children don't have much power over their lives, but adults do. Just wait it out and build yourself an epic life once you have the power to do so.
Load More Replies...
Ben Aziza 1 year ago (edited)
This 15 year old kid obviously loves his siblings. The fact that his parents are dismissing him like this... I am thinking they are the "narcissistic savior complex" type of people. No fun to be around. They are only doing good for the fame and clout not or the sake of doing good. The fact that his sister is standing up with him... makes me feel even more awful about this. The other sister sounds narcissistic.
Ms.GB 1 year ago (edited)
Isn't the point of integrating adopted children into the family to integrate them into the existing family...They just made a separate family with themselves and the adopted children. The whole point is to do your best to ensure that all the children under your roof feel loved and cared for equally. Meanwhile these parents are going out of their way to ensure that they are treating the adoptive children differently than they would their natural child and depriving them of a relationship with someone who is supposed to be their sibling. Op is being punished and outcast from his family for being a biological child, how does that make any sense whatsoever. Great job fostering....resentment that is. Great job driving a wedge between your children. Those are some daft parents. He should ask to speak to the family therapist 1 on 1 and tell them how he feels. I can see spending some time with foster kids individually in the beginning to get to know them but that shouldn't mean that your other kids no longer get one on one time and they should also be doing most things as a family.
tori Ohno 1 year ago
This is the start of how parents write in to websites crying about never seeing their child anymore, or are never allowed to see their grandkids. I hope this kid goes scorched earth NC when old enough to move out.
AngelWingsYT 1 year ago
As long as he keeps contact with Layla. She sees the issue and has OPs back. Hold onto that close
Load More Replies...
patricia Torres 1 year ago
Your parents are to blame for how you feel. Firstly you are a child and need everything they're doing for everyone else, except you. You aren't misbehaving, you are just human. A young human that like all humans needs attention and support. Your parents are neglecting you and accusing you of being selfish and bragging about accomplishments that, you are proud of accomplishing your self. Obviously you weren't bragging just sharing your news. I'm glad you are so supportive of their work but you yourself are gonna need a therapist at this rate.I have 8 kids, I never ignore one for another. It's work but as a parent it's my job. Your parents don't realize how wrong they are. Not your fault.
R Dennis 1 year ago
I raised my three stepkids, then my wife and I had a child together. I think I treat my daughter the same as I treat my stepkids - though we have more money now and no bio-dad to contend with, which does make it different. I still try to do more for my stepkids, even though they are older. They tell me not to, but I tell them this is an opportunity I didn't have when they were younger (financially and bio-parent involvement) so please let me do it. They are all siblings to me and equal. I couldn't imagine treating one as more-than or less-than.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
I'm an adopted child myself and I feel terrible for OP. My situation was the opposite - I was adopted JUST to be a sibling for my parents' bio child (my mom did not want her to be an only child) and while my adoptive dad was fantastic and truly loved me, my adoptive mother clearly favored her bio child over me, to the point where my mom abused me in every way you can abuse a person, but her bio daughter never even got spanked. I understand that the adopted kids in OP's situation may have come from a terrible situation and may have been traumatized/abused, so yes, did they probably need extra therapy and love/care at first? Absolutely. However, OP should not have been NEGLECTED by his parents just because the adopted sibs needed extra care. Make time for ALL your kids, because they ALL are YOUR KIDS. It's great to adopt, and wonderful to adopt older kids (I was adopted at birth, but I know how hard it is for older kids to find homes), but you CANNOT neglect other children in the home.
Alexa Saltz 1 year ago
You already know how this is going to go. Asking for your parents to spend 2 on 1 time for your birthday is a reasonable request. Not at all selfish. I am the matriarch (ugh, makes me sound ancient) of a 3 generation household with many school aged children. Once a month, one child gets to be the only one doing something or going somewhere. We do this so they can be the center of attention and we adults get to know and spend time without others getting in the way. Could be me, Grandma, and Grandpa taking the kid to McDonald's then the zoo. Could be Mom and Dad staying home to help build the Boy Scout wooden race car and ordering pizza. Anyway, you got it rough. Just do you and get out first chance. You are important, your achievements deserve recognition, andyour successes should be celebrated. You will find your way. Be well ...
Bec 1 year ago
It is a totally reasonable request for OP to have some individual time with their parents. My cousin has 2 kids, just a few years between them. The older child had a life altering medical emergency that required a long hospital stay; they made sure to make time for the younger child, and still have at least one parent at his major events.
Sami-Jo Ross 1 year ago
OP wants his parents to actually spend time with him? OH, THE HUMANITY! He's clearly an insensitive and arrogant brat! Why, he's even proud of his accomplishments, the audacity! (For those who can't tell, this is SEETHING sarcasm.)
Gwyn 1 year ago (edited)
I'm the bio child in a family with two other adopted sisters and we even had a young foster brother for a while. This is so like my experience! My parents gave SO much attention to the others girls and still do. I got a similar reaction, though not threatening, that I just didn't "need" as much as they did and I shouldn't complain. They never really listened. I am not very close to my parents and not at all to my adopted siblings, who always seem to have an attitude about my being "the good kid" even though it meant I had to be extremely independent and do everything on my own. In some ways that served me well but I fear that I'll never have a bond with my family. Not sure what to say to OP because I can't think of how it could ever have turned out differently through anything I could have done. Hang in there and make your own life, it' can still be a good one in the end.
Petra 1 year ago
"It can still be a good one in the end." I think more people need to hear this. Just because you're childhood wasn't the best doesn't mean your adulthood can't be AWESOME. Children don't have much power over their lives, but adults do. Just wait it out and build yourself an epic life once you have the power to do so.
Load More Replies... Ben Aziza 1 year ago (edited)
This 15 year old kid obviously loves his siblings. The fact that his parents are dismissing him like this... I am thinking they are the "narcissistic savior complex" type of people. No fun to be around. They are only doing good for the fame and clout not or the sake of doing good. The fact that his sister is standing up with him... makes me feel even more awful about this. The other sister sounds narcissistic.
Ms.GB 1 year ago (edited)
Isn't the point of integrating adopted children into the family to integrate them into the existing family...They just made a separate family with themselves and the adopted children. The whole point is to do your best to ensure that all the children under your roof feel loved and cared for equally. Meanwhile these parents are going out of their way to ensure that they are treating the adoptive children differently than they would their natural child and depriving them of a relationship with someone who is supposed to be their sibling. Op is being punished and outcast from his family for being a biological child, how does that make any sense whatsoever. Great job fostering....resentment that is. Great job driving a wedge between your children. Those are some daft parents. He should ask to speak to the family therapist 1 on 1 and tell them how he feels. I can see spending some time with foster kids individually in the beginning to get to know them but that shouldn't mean that your other kids no longer get one on one time and they should also be doing most things as a family.
tori Ohno 1 year ago
This is the start of how parents write in to websites crying about never seeing their child anymore, or are never allowed to see their grandkids. I hope this kid goes scorched earth NC when old enough to move out.
AngelWingsYT 1 year ago
As long as he keeps contact with Layla. She sees the issue and has OPs back. Hold onto that close
Load More Replies... patricia Torres 1 year ago
Your parents are to blame for how you feel. Firstly you are a child and need everything they're doing for everyone else, except you. You aren't misbehaving, you are just human. A young human that like all humans needs attention and support. Your parents are neglecting you and accusing you of being selfish and bragging about accomplishments that, you are proud of accomplishing your self. Obviously you weren't bragging just sharing your news. I'm glad you are so supportive of their work but you yourself are gonna need a therapist at this rate.I have 8 kids, I never ignore one for another. It's work but as a parent it's my job. Your parents don't realize how wrong they are. Not your fault.
R Dennis 1 year ago
I raised my three stepkids, then my wife and I had a child together. I think I treat my daughter the same as I treat my stepkids - though we have more money now and no bio-dad to contend with, which does make it different. I still try to do more for my stepkids, even though they are older. They tell me not to, but I tell them this is an opportunity I didn't have when they were younger (financially and bio-parent involvement) so please let me do it. They are all siblings to me and equal. I couldn't imagine treating one as more-than or less-than.
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