30 Honest And Unhinged Tweets From Parents Who’ve Seen It All (February Edition)

Even without kids, a white couch won't be white for long after purchase.

At a certain point in their lives, both my son and daughter asked me if I knew about electricity when I was a kid. Well, Grandma's house is not a cavern precisely.

Its ur fault 😂

lmao me

My 10 yo still replies to vocal commands, but with a lot of lag.

Also, pretend to get up for a second and sit back down and shake your head.

Valid answer

It's not like she's hearing it anywhere or being influenced at all by it. It's a real puzzle.

The trap has been set. I just got that the fan is there to send the aroma through the door.

Savage

It goes from a baby in your arms touching your face and nose to a teen not recognizing you in a mall.

Good one! Now you will have to come up with a new one. He knows what you're up to now!

About right, though.

A no-hair-loss version.

I ended up giving the ol' husband up for adoption and last I heard, his new mommy is thinking of re-homing him. 😂

it works better if you do it with tomato sauce on your hand so it smears red s**t on the curtain as well.

We ordered takeout a while back and explained to our little one that the food will be brought from outside and that someone will ring the door bell. We also don’t get many visitors. So now whenever she hears the door bell (mailman, neighbours etc.), she excitedly screams: "Food!" and runs to the door ^^

My mindset when I’m getting ready to go out.

What's the problem here? I'm 70 and if you even look at me before I've been up for more than three hours, you will pay for it.

Can she teach mine this?

Omg thank so much kid i needed that, goodnight yall

Aw cute. Notice that hearts can be sharp and pointy.

Or, back in the late 50's, 1st kid, sterilize everything. If the bottle gets dropped you have to start all over. Many, many visits to the nursery when the baby is sleeping. by the 4th kid a dropped bottle gets a quick swipe on the shirt and back in the mouth.

The UK is offering apprenticeships to be a nurse or pharmacist without the need for the usual qualifications - should I send an application?

What 9-year-old needs to be taught how to be a video game? They seem to be pretty good at figuring it out.

kids only start to appreciate music around 12. I think it has to do with puberty.

But what loved and beautiful trash cans.

The school valentines thing is so weird

Isn’t there medication for that?

At one point you need her tell that monsters are and they are humans.

I strongly agree

Me too, kid

is that for when the kids' goldfish dies and goes to heaven?

I was exactly the opposite. my dad insists that when I was 5 he yelled at me for not eating broccoli once and I went up to their room during the night and farted in his face.

Poor kid is discovering consciousness. Condolences to him during this time.

Really it's the 20th century, if we want to feel a bit less old.

You just received a really good memory. Remember it when same 10 questions your fashion sense

I say Cheech and Chong 3 times and viola I'm relaxing 😎😎😎

reply "oh it was going to be pizza but now you don't want that I guess it will be stew."

Future homer Simpson, you've got there Abraham.

See previous post about the small trampoline with laundry on it. They learn early.

Fun with torture!!!

.. and there is that post AFTER someone else talked about it. Very confusing.

Even if my son can barely keep his eyes open, he will insist on reading. Then he will want to read a second book but by that point he is almost asleep.

Cause and effect. He's a scientist!

Tell her she’s right and to go get the broom and then do the washing.

Crucial information.

Imma go with stegosaurus. Fight me.

Or buy you a large when you ask for a small.

Is this the never-ending story?

Pun intended.

Let him/ her start swimming/ music/ gymnastics lessons....

😲🤣

Did she mention if she also got a raise?

Why would they cancel school for something which is a fantastic teaching and learning opportunity?

I don't always notice they go to the toilet so I am sometimes surprised by the "moooooooom! I've pooped!" They usually read/look in books when they sit there. Sometimes they go and sit on the toilet just to have some alone reading time. Lol. They learn early.... 😂

My son follows the ritual, changing diaper + pajamas, then bottle of milk + short story, cuddling in the dark in his room and one song while he's in bed. When sometimes he doesn't want to sleep (too exhausted) I ask him to think about something he's love to do next day or something that he'd done the same day. It always works.

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Your 2yo put his whole head in the toilet without your knowledge? Sounds like a visit from Children's Services might be warranted.

We're Danish and my 5yo often asks me stuff like "what does a turtle weigh.... IN GERMAN?" or "how do you say toilet IN FINNISH?" Or "how do you say 'hello do you want to play with me?' IN FRENCH?" So... I suspect that my 5yo will be a polyglot... or we will end up being a family in Denmark who just randomly speak 20 different languages fluently. Lol.

Future chef?

It's the name of a pizza shop in a number of U.S. towns. :)

WOW. But if that's how he feels u should respect how he feels and try 2 mend fences. Also I was same as u with everyone and my son spoke 2 me about he felt. It made sad at what I had seriously hurt, unitintentionly

It’s whatever side the other one has.

I don't know what that t is, but it sounds expensive.

The trick is to put the store brand stuff into the packaging for the premium brand. I used to do that with loads of things, my ex insisted on the more expensive stuff despite us struggling for money.