If you’re anything like me, you take the letters written to ‘agony aunts’ in the newspaper with a pinch of salt. Some just seem too weird to be real, others just make you think “Don’t you have any friends to ask instead?”
Still, some people seem to believe that this method, asking a total stranger for advice about private matters on a public forum, is the best way forward. Take this mother for example, who wrote to ‘Dear Prudence’ an agony aunt on Slate that appears as a podcast, live chat and publication on their website.
Like many older mothers, she dreams of the pitter-patter of tiny feet returning once again to the family in the form of dear grandchildren. Feeling like she’s tried all options on the table to get her son and daughter-in-law to agree, she turns to Prudie. “How do we convince them that we only want them to be happy?” She asks.
I think it’s fair to say, Prudie is not impressed. Scroll down to see her scathing response, and tell us what you think. Do you agree with Prudie? Have any sympathy with the mother? Let us know in the comments below!
This letter to ‘Dear Prudence,’ an agony aunt on the magazine Slate, appeared recently and received a scathing reply from Prudie
People reacted by relating to and agreeing with Prudie’s advice
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Wow. Finally someone told these people to stop, perfect, simple response. I have a similar case with my grandmother. I've told her that when I grow up I don't want to have anything to do with children. They are noisy. They are too much responsibility, they eat from your time and finances... I'm sure many people would disagree but that's how I see children. Lets not mention that I hate most children, I really do. Some are cool smart little guys but most of them are no no. So, anyway, when grandma heard me saying it, she gave me that look of hers "What!? You disagree with my views?"(yeah, she's a bit narrow-minded in my opinion.) and turned to my father, asking loudly: "You wouldn't let her not have kids, right?. He gave her an amused smile and said:"Who are we to decide, if she doesn't want kids, she won't have." I have the best parents ever. :)
You do have awesome parents! As a CF (childfree, which is different from childless btw) I knew at 12 I never wanted kids; for pretty much your exact reasons. My mother has always been supportive. I'm 37 now, and still feel the same way; actually it's worse because the dreamy "happily ever after" version of parenthood has been replaced by reality. Don't let anyone pressure you and remember you are NOT alone! Plenty of CF's all over the world.
I feel the same way. Had a little brother who was born a decade after me, saw the struggles my mom went through to take care of him. He sucked her energy dry...I mean all kids do but I wouldn't have known if I hadn't seen it. I didn't want kids at 15, I don't want kids at 25 and I feel like I'm going to feel the same at 60 but we'll see.
I'm with you. I've known all my life I didn't want kids. I've not had too much trouble with people bothering me about it though. I'm very strong willed and when I tell people my answer, they get that I'm not kidding and that the matter is closed. Stick to your guns and don't buy into that c**p of "It's different when their yours". That's garbage. It's your life to live. Live it the way YOU want to.
The 'you wouldn't let her not have kids, right?' infuriated me. What's this 'let'? What was you dad going to do, stand over you while you have sex with some guy until you concieve? Or worse? Jeez. Good for your dad.
That's awesome! I'm not interested in having kids ever! I told my dad not to expect any grandkids from me and he didn't care. I am independent and I don't want to be tied down with kids. People seem to believe that it's a right that all women should be a mother. I am a mother to my dog and cat. I prefer my animals over kids any day! They are happy to see me, don't ask for money and are better company!
Exactly! You're just like me! I've been married 33 yrs. and am very happy with being "kid free". I'll take my pets over kids any day and I love them just as much as people love their kids. They are my babies.
That is awesome @Dog Lover! Well done!!
Zori the degu Your dad's amazing! Your grandmother is out of the line. I've never wanted kids either, pretty much for same reasons. People have been saying I'll change my mind for years, I've been saying I don't want kids since I was 15 and now I'm 31 my mind hasn't changed. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 10 years and neither of us want kids. Our parents are great, they've never brought up kids or marriage which is great because we're not planning either. Only his uncle keeps asking every time we see him when we're getting married but we usually just laugh at him, saying something like "you'll have to wait for that", and he stops.
What did she want your Dad to do about it???
All I can say is, people usually don't realize true love until they have their own children, but not everyone is meant to have children. Children are not a badge of honor, or an exrtension of ourselves....they are their own people. Many people don't realize that....and it is a difficult, worrying, time-consuming job. If a person isn't willing to put another person first....top priority....then they shouldn't have children.
You are respectfull of people not wanting to have kids, and are realistic about not everyone being meant to have children. However you sound a bit condescending when you imply that it takes children to know what true love is, or that "child free people" are uncapable of puting another person first. You can put your parents first when you are taking care of them in their old age, you can put your partner first for them to fullfill a dream, etc. why is that not true love as well? putting someone first is not a "parent quality" excusive.
I agree. People that don't want kids and don's like kids shouldn't have kids. Otherwise it's suffering - for everyone.
I put the world at large, and the planets well-being first by not having children. If you haven’t noticed there’s 7 billion plus of us. Plenty of people already here to put first and I’m not not so selfish that I can I blunt care about a person that came out of me.
B******t. Maybe you aren't capable of having a life unless you reproduce, but quite frankly, having children is one of the most selfish things you can do. .... Thankfully, like most crotch crawlers and gestation slavers, you actually don't have any say in what anyone does.
Good guy dad, perfect response.
AMEN @Zori the Degu! You must have been reading my mind!!
@Zori I respect your opinion! When I was young (which I am going to assume you are, based on "when I grow up") I wanted to have 4 kids! I'm now an adult and I have 1 kid and I do not want more. You may always feel the way you do now, but some times your perspective change when you grow up and experience more of life. It's definitely true, when people say "old and wise" lol :3
Well, 15 years have told me a lot, you know. I may change, I may not. But mostly likely the second one.
*Most. Not mostly.
How about we all don't make fun of each other for being different ages. When you disrespect the wisdom of teens you disrespect Malala Yousafzai, Anne Frank, and Joan of Arc.
"well, 15 years have told me a lot..." I wish we could know each other 20 years from now and laugh at that comment together.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Yeah, it's probably better for you not to have kids... Kids are great btw. But sometimes the adults around them are not.
Wow, bob and KnightOwl. I chose not to have kids, and i never put money or work before family. My husband and my friends ARE my family....i volunteer, we donate to many causes in the five figure range annually, and we care for those around us. It is deeply hurtful to those of us who choose to give by not reproducing to assume we are selfish. You are the shallow ones.
Let's not ignore the elephant in the room. Some children are little ba5tards as well!
No, YOU think that kids are great. Is it so hard to accept that not everyone shares your opinion?
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Agreed, Bob. You have to put your selfish behaviours aside when have children. If you're not willing to do that, absolutely don't have children.
Personally, I want children. One day. But what pissess me off is when people tell me, I owe it to my parents to have them. And that I'm being disrespectful by not having children, since they've had me. I don't quite remember asking them to?
I'd say I owe my parents their care...and I'd feel terrible not taking care of them in the future when/if they need me to. But having children isn't anyone else's business but yours (and your partner).
You don't owe them ANYTHING.
I have to agree. We should be grateful if we had good parents who took proper care of us, but nobody owns their parents anything. They decided to have kids because they wanted to, and for their own sakes.
If they want more offspring, why didn't they have more kids?
Pressuring your kids is one thing... annoying and not healthy, but it is nothing compared to going to their spouse. WHY!? You could damage their marriage, or when she does have children, she could chose to limit your access.
Wow. Finally someone told these people to stop, perfect, simple response. I have a similar case with my grandmother. I've told her that when I grow up I don't want to have anything to do with children. They are noisy. They are too much responsibility, they eat from your time and finances... I'm sure many people would disagree but that's how I see children. Lets not mention that I hate most children, I really do. Some are cool smart little guys but most of them are no no. So, anyway, when grandma heard me saying it, she gave me that look of hers "What!? You disagree with my views?"(yeah, she's a bit narrow-minded in my opinion.) and turned to my father, asking loudly: "You wouldn't let her not have kids, right?. He gave her an amused smile and said:"Who are we to decide, if she doesn't want kids, she won't have." I have the best parents ever. :)
You do have awesome parents! As a CF (childfree, which is different from childless btw) I knew at 12 I never wanted kids; for pretty much your exact reasons. My mother has always been supportive. I'm 37 now, and still feel the same way; actually it's worse because the dreamy "happily ever after" version of parenthood has been replaced by reality. Don't let anyone pressure you and remember you are NOT alone! Plenty of CF's all over the world.
I feel the same way. Had a little brother who was born a decade after me, saw the struggles my mom went through to take care of him. He sucked her energy dry...I mean all kids do but I wouldn't have known if I hadn't seen it. I didn't want kids at 15, I don't want kids at 25 and I feel like I'm going to feel the same at 60 but we'll see.
I'm with you. I've known all my life I didn't want kids. I've not had too much trouble with people bothering me about it though. I'm very strong willed and when I tell people my answer, they get that I'm not kidding and that the matter is closed. Stick to your guns and don't buy into that c**p of "It's different when their yours". That's garbage. It's your life to live. Live it the way YOU want to.
The 'you wouldn't let her not have kids, right?' infuriated me. What's this 'let'? What was you dad going to do, stand over you while you have sex with some guy until you concieve? Or worse? Jeez. Good for your dad.
That's awesome! I'm not interested in having kids ever! I told my dad not to expect any grandkids from me and he didn't care. I am independent and I don't want to be tied down with kids. People seem to believe that it's a right that all women should be a mother. I am a mother to my dog and cat. I prefer my animals over kids any day! They are happy to see me, don't ask for money and are better company!
Exactly! You're just like me! I've been married 33 yrs. and am very happy with being "kid free". I'll take my pets over kids any day and I love them just as much as people love their kids. They are my babies.
That is awesome @Dog Lover! Well done!!
Zori the degu Your dad's amazing! Your grandmother is out of the line. I've never wanted kids either, pretty much for same reasons. People have been saying I'll change my mind for years, I've been saying I don't want kids since I was 15 and now I'm 31 my mind hasn't changed. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 10 years and neither of us want kids. Our parents are great, they've never brought up kids or marriage which is great because we're not planning either. Only his uncle keeps asking every time we see him when we're getting married but we usually just laugh at him, saying something like "you'll have to wait for that", and he stops.
What did she want your Dad to do about it???
All I can say is, people usually don't realize true love until they have their own children, but not everyone is meant to have children. Children are not a badge of honor, or an exrtension of ourselves....they are their own people. Many people don't realize that....and it is a difficult, worrying, time-consuming job. If a person isn't willing to put another person first....top priority....then they shouldn't have children.
You are respectfull of people not wanting to have kids, and are realistic about not everyone being meant to have children. However you sound a bit condescending when you imply that it takes children to know what true love is, or that "child free people" are uncapable of puting another person first. You can put your parents first when you are taking care of them in their old age, you can put your partner first for them to fullfill a dream, etc. why is that not true love as well? putting someone first is not a "parent quality" excusive.
I agree. People that don't want kids and don's like kids shouldn't have kids. Otherwise it's suffering - for everyone.
I put the world at large, and the planets well-being first by not having children. If you haven’t noticed there’s 7 billion plus of us. Plenty of people already here to put first and I’m not not so selfish that I can I blunt care about a person that came out of me.
B******t. Maybe you aren't capable of having a life unless you reproduce, but quite frankly, having children is one of the most selfish things you can do. .... Thankfully, like most crotch crawlers and gestation slavers, you actually don't have any say in what anyone does.
Good guy dad, perfect response.
AMEN @Zori the Degu! You must have been reading my mind!!
@Zori I respect your opinion! When I was young (which I am going to assume you are, based on "when I grow up") I wanted to have 4 kids! I'm now an adult and I have 1 kid and I do not want more. You may always feel the way you do now, but some times your perspective change when you grow up and experience more of life. It's definitely true, when people say "old and wise" lol :3
Well, 15 years have told me a lot, you know. I may change, I may not. But mostly likely the second one.
*Most. Not mostly.
How about we all don't make fun of each other for being different ages. When you disrespect the wisdom of teens you disrespect Malala Yousafzai, Anne Frank, and Joan of Arc.
"well, 15 years have told me a lot..." I wish we could know each other 20 years from now and laugh at that comment together.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Yeah, it's probably better for you not to have kids... Kids are great btw. But sometimes the adults around them are not.
Wow, bob and KnightOwl. I chose not to have kids, and i never put money or work before family. My husband and my friends ARE my family....i volunteer, we donate to many causes in the five figure range annually, and we care for those around us. It is deeply hurtful to those of us who choose to give by not reproducing to assume we are selfish. You are the shallow ones.
Let's not ignore the elephant in the room. Some children are little ba5tards as well!
No, YOU think that kids are great. Is it so hard to accept that not everyone shares your opinion?
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Agreed, Bob. You have to put your selfish behaviours aside when have children. If you're not willing to do that, absolutely don't have children.
Personally, I want children. One day. But what pissess me off is when people tell me, I owe it to my parents to have them. And that I'm being disrespectful by not having children, since they've had me. I don't quite remember asking them to?
I'd say I owe my parents their care...and I'd feel terrible not taking care of them in the future when/if they need me to. But having children isn't anyone else's business but yours (and your partner).
You don't owe them ANYTHING.
I have to agree. We should be grateful if we had good parents who took proper care of us, but nobody owns their parents anything. They decided to have kids because they wanted to, and for their own sakes.
If they want more offspring, why didn't they have more kids?
Pressuring your kids is one thing... annoying and not healthy, but it is nothing compared to going to their spouse. WHY!? You could damage their marriage, or when she does have children, she could chose to limit your access.