35 Y.O. Man Waits Until 17 Y.O. Turns 18 To Ask Her Out, Friend Questions If It’s Normal
There are many discussions and different opinions about people who are dating and have big age differences. Some couples feel uncomfortable about that and struggle, but others just don’t care and if they are happy together, then nothing else matters.
I am sure you have heard of this phrase that people like to say: ‘age is just a number’. Well, yes and no. I am sorry to break it to you, but sometimes this phrase can get you into trouble if your crush or partner is still a minor and you are basically double their age.
More info: Reddit
Guy says that ‘a true gentleman waits until they are 18 and then asks them out’
Image credits: Dziana Hasanbekava (not the actual photo)
Woman wonders if she is overreacting or if it’s really gross that her 35 Y.O. friend has a crush on a 17 Y.O.
Image credits: dementedbuthot
Image credits: Athena (not the actual photo)
The young woman promised to give the guy her phone number when she turns 18
Image credits: dementedbuthot
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
His friend is grossed out after he saved this 17 Y.O.’s photos from Facebook and sent them to his friends
One Reddit user decided to ask community members for their opinion on a situation with her friend. She emphasized that she thinks it’s gross that her 35 Y.O. friend is waiting for his coworker, who is 17 Y.O., to finally turn 18 so that he can ask her out. The post went viral and now it has over 52K upvotes and almost 18K comments.
The woman starts the story by saying that after a friend shared that he is waiting for his crush to turn 18 Y.O., she was immediately grossed out as such behavior is concerning. However, the guy said that in fact, it’s ‘gentlemanly material’ behavior and there is nothing weird or wrong with this. His young coworker also agreed to give him her phone number, but only when she turns 18.
What also worries the OP is that he has saved her pictures to his phone as he wanted to send them to his friends. Yeah, and that’s not all – the author found out that the girl he previously kinda dated was somebody who had just turned 18 years old. So, long story short, the author is all grossed out and even questioning if she wants to continue having such friends in her circle.
Folks online leaned more to the author’s side in this situation and agreed that something is not right. “She won’t realize how sketchy this is for another 5-6 years. Whereas OP knows this already,” one user wrote. Moreover, many people shared their personal stories of when they were harassed by older men: “Getting catcalled at 14 while walking to Taco Bell while wearing jeans and a hoodie,” one woman shared.
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
Moreover, netizens have discussed why an older man could be attracted to so much younger women: “I can’t imagine any 35 Y.O. being able to relate and date a 17-18 year old. They are basically kids, emotionally and otherwise,” one user wrote and received a lot of support. “I was 16 with a 26 Y.O. ‘boyfriend’ and now I’m 28 and talking to a 16 Y.O. is like talking to an alien for me,” another person emphasized.
Now let’s look at the main reasons that experts list why young women tend to be attracted to older men. According to Amelia Prinn, who is a relationship expert, older men are emotionally more stable and mature. Additionally, young women tend to look for a father figure in the men that they date. Basically, I am sure you have heard this phrase: ‘unresolved daddy issues.’ Older men are more financially secure. Most guys their age cannot provide the financial security they seek.
Moreover, looking the other way around, according to psychologist Elinor Greenberg men like younger women because they are easier to impress. “If a narcissistic man dates a woman his own age from his own social class, she is likely to be his equal with regard to education and life experience. She will not automatically idealize her partner.” Also, narcissistic men believe that coming to the party with a beautiful younger woman immediately boosts their status.
So, while there are various reasons why people can impress us, all of us have our reasons. As long as you are not breaking a law, you really like the person and you feel happy with them – you can be with whoever you want, it’s your life.
So guys, what’s your opinion on this situation?
Folks in the comments supported the woman that despite it being legal, it’s still not morally right
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Creepy and illegal are not a completely over lapping venn diagrams. Happening to meet someone you connect with and find out they are 18 is one thing. Targeting women that young is quite another, which seems to be what this person is doing.
no I’m 31 & I can’t even imagine going out with someone under 27 as to me it’s weird. Let alone an 18 year old. I mind being 18 omg! as a grown a*s woman if a man 4 years old than me now targeted me at 18 it’s disgusting. They may be legal but mentally still like a child.
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Complete creep. I was once the seventeen year old in this situation. We only talked while I was 17 but the day I graduated high school (a week or so after I turned 18) he started asking for more and more. This was all online though. I've always thought I was smarter than most people my age, but I sent him nude photos of me after I turned 18, and we would Skype. It didn't hit me until I was around 21 that we did not have a normal "long distance" relationship. I did all the talking, was the only one sending photos and he would praise how gorgeous I was, how mature I was, blah blah. When I broke things off with him I realized just how predatory it was (we had talked since I was 16), and I still got emails a few years after it all with him whining about missing me (read: not getting nude photos) and how he is a complete wreck without me, how talking to me was the only thing keeping him alive. I completely regret even interacting with him, and I worry pretty much everyday about the pictures
@Laura Lou, you were young and he groomed you. It is definitely not your fault. Please realize that. Good luck to you!
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Dude dates 18 yo's because he can't get women his own age, and/or figures if he gets them straight at 18, they may not find it as creepy vs say a 20 yo
I had this neighbor*Bob* when I was about 9 and he had a brother named *Sam*. My family became good friends with Bob. We would see Sam here and there. So I turn 18 and we are all still friends. San ask me to dinner. I didn't think much of it. But he let me know he wanted a relationship with me. This guy was my parents age! I told him no and he excepted it pretty good. But it was creepy. I thought I was so grown up! Now at 51...lol.
When I was 17 a female coworker wanted to set me up with her friend. Turns out he was 40. My own father at the time was 37. I was so grossed out by the idea. She insisted he was good looking and had money. I was a college freshman and not a very mature one. I didn't even understand why she thought money factored into it. He was OLD! All I could think was that he wouldn't be into the same bands as I was , or get my sense of humor, etc. Basically, I just thought he'd be like my dad--a man I had nothing in common with. Anyway, one day at work she asks me again because, "He saw you and he's really interested." I asked he when he'd seen me. Turns out he was in the store lurking around so he could scope me out. That just made it so much worse. I was creeped out and found it so gross. Not long after, I met the guy I would marry. He's 4 months older than me. We're in our late 40s now and I still don't get what that 40 yr old man could have seen in 17 yr me. I can only think of one thing.
Hebephile My mom twisted off when her 50 yo brother married a 20 yo woman. She was a college student and he was the college president. Not cool.
As a dad to a 17 year old daughter, I find that creepy AF and if it were my daughter he was chasing, I’d have to run him off.
I've been in this situation before. A couple months ago, actually. Freshly 18, there was this 40 year old single dad who I'd jokingly flirt with (that part was my fault, yes). He said initially that he was flattered, but would never try to take advantage of my attraction to him. We ended up having sex less than a week later. It was a whole shitshow. Yes, I flirted with him first, I'm not claiming I was innocent here. Shortly after we had sex, like the next day, we had a fight and he broke off the fling. It took him all of 3 days to start begging to get me back. If I could go back in time and avoid that whole thing, I would. He's childish, weird, and an idiot. It was a mistake.
The friend talks like a neckbeard, acting like he's a perfect gentleman by not committing statutory rape. The Facebook stalking thing is creepy no matter what age she is, but she is still 17 so that makes it extra creepy. It's also telling that instead of doing online dating and waiting for whatever young woman wants to date him for some reason, he's hitting up his coworker who can't just block him, but has to see him at work. (It's even worse if this guy happens to be higher up and has any kind of workplace authority over her.) He also technically asked her out when she is still 17 and has a history of this behavior. I wouldn't be friends with him. Not all relationships with an age gap are bad, but this one definitely is.
I am 33 and I can't imagine asking out someone so young. I sometimes hang out with people decade younger than me.I think it's fine. But dating one of them? Hell, even thinking about it feel incredibly wrong. I know that some people can connect well despite age gap, I know guy who married lady 12 years older than him and they seem very happy. But they met when he was 24 and his wife never had habit of asking highschoolers out.
An older lady asked me out, I said no. I was trashed for being ageist, and "WHY ARE WOMEN DISCARDED WHEN THEY AGE?????" and f*ck me for not finding her attractive. I actually hate the stink of Hypocrisy this article reeks of.
Don't know why you're being downvoted. Nothing offensive here. Have an upvote.
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Genuinely curious to get everyone's opinion on this. I've heard that it's "not weird" to date someone who is half your age and then add 7 to it (obviously not going under 18). In this case, this guy could date someone as young as 24 and a half years old. Any younger is just weird. Does that seem like a more appropriate age gap? That aside, in this situation it just sounds like this guy is a total creep. "A true gentleman waits until they are 18." Yuck. Ew. Yikes.
Of course it's not normal. 17 year difference might be not big of a deal, when both people are fully grown adults, like 30 and 47/ But that's a grown-a*s man and a teenager, practically a child.
I'd like to know if the guy knew she was under 18 when he asked for her number. If he did then yeah that's really creepy. If he assumed she was 18 it makes it *slightly* better. Still on the nose, but not call the cops creepy.
This IS creepy. OP, don't get tangled up in this mess. This could be all talk, anyway. Why can't this guy date someone his own age? And why isn't she doing the same. He has a problem if he only wants to date young girls.. And she is likely looking for a sugar daddy. So the creep waits until she's 18. What happens then? Besides the obvious. So after they're done with that, what would they talk about? What could they even have in common? This will fizzle out on its own. He's just looking for younger dumb girls, give them a line of BS, so he can feel better about himself. And she's probably just stringing him along for the fun of it, just flirting. Talk is cheep! If he doesn't have enough money to take her out every night and buy her expensive things, she'll get bored and drop him.. It wouldn't surprise me if she's just playing him along for the h*'ll of it.
there's an "internet rule" that says the minimum age for a relationship, without it being creepy, is 1/2 your age +7 yrs. .... By this "rule" 24 would be the absolute youngest this "gentleman" should be dating.
My sister & I were at a club back in the day and there was this guy who was hitting on these barely legal girls (to drink, 21 in the US). He had to be 45 if he was a day. He saw me looking at him with disgust (my own daughter was right around that age) and asked me what my problem was. So I told him, loudly so the girls could hear, "If I saw some creepy old man hitting on MY daughter, I'd kick the ever lovin' s**t out of him. What is YOUR problem? Women your own age won't put up with your immature a$$? D*ck too little to satisfy an actual GROWN UP? What?" The girls laughed and he started yelling at me, which got him kicked out. Luckily, sis & I were cabbing it so we didn't have to walk across some dark parking lot when we left.
A true gentleman would go to her parents and ask permission to court her after her 18th birthday... and see their response!
I teach kids who turn 18 in high school. Let me assure everyone, they are children. Babies really. This is gross.
Wow. Way to be a predator while remaining just on the fence between legal and illegal. That’s disgusting behavior.
A gentleman sees a child as a child and NOT a sexual being. When dude was 25, she was a 7 year old girl. All the kids I know around that age, still seem like 10 year olds to me.
Half your age plus seven, man. We can't control who we're attracted to. But we can control how we act on it.
20 years difference isn't so strange to me for a date or a fine dinner, a movie and some cuddles, as long as the person is over 25. I enjoy fully developed adult's company.
I think with such a big age difference it's creepy af. If he was let's say 20 or 21 I'd say, yes, why not. Especially when they're both already working. They'd be in comparable life stages, that age gap is quite normal and if they met a little later no one would think twice about it. But even with a 23/25 year old the situation would be much different. At that age the physical development is done. They're not comparable anymore and the older person should already see the younger one as more of a sibling already, and a 35 year old guy should almost have fatherly feelings when he sees such a young girl.
Wow, feeling personally attacked are we? Wonder why...
Load More Replies... Creepy and illegal are not a completely over lapping venn diagrams. Happening to meet someone you connect with and find out they are 18 is one thing. Targeting women that young is quite another, which seems to be what this person is doing.
no I’m 31 & I can’t even imagine going out with someone under 27 as to me it’s weird. Let alone an 18 year old. I mind being 18 omg! as a grown a*s woman if a man 4 years old than me now targeted me at 18 it’s disgusting. They may be legal but mentally still like a child.
Load More Replies... Complete creep. I was once the seventeen year old in this situation. We only talked while I was 17 but the day I graduated high school (a week or so after I turned 18) he started asking for more and more. This was all online though. I've always thought I was smarter than most people my age, but I sent him nude photos of me after I turned 18, and we would Skype. It didn't hit me until I was around 21 that we did not have a normal "long distance" relationship. I did all the talking, was the only one sending photos and he would praise how gorgeous I was, how mature I was, blah blah. When I broke things off with him I realized just how predatory it was (we had talked since I was 16), and I still got emails a few years after it all with him whining about missing me (read: not getting nude photos) and how he is a complete wreck without me, how talking to me was the only thing keeping him alive. I completely regret even interacting with him, and I worry pretty much everyday about the pictures
@Laura Lou, you were young and he groomed you. It is definitely not your fault. Please realize that. Good luck to you!
Load More Replies... Dude dates 18 yo's because he can't get women his own age, and/or figures if he gets them straight at 18, they may not find it as creepy vs say a 20 yo
I had this neighbor*Bob* when I was about 9 and he had a brother named *Sam*. My family became good friends with Bob. We would see Sam here and there. So I turn 18 and we are all still friends. San ask me to dinner. I didn't think much of it. But he let me know he wanted a relationship with me. This guy was my parents age! I told him no and he excepted it pretty good. But it was creepy. I thought I was so grown up! Now at 51...lol.
When I was 17 a female coworker wanted to set me up with her friend. Turns out he was 40. My own father at the time was 37. I was so grossed out by the idea. She insisted he was good looking and had money. I was a college freshman and not a very mature one. I didn't even understand why she thought money factored into it. He was OLD! All I could think was that he wouldn't be into the same bands as I was , or get my sense of humor, etc. Basically, I just thought he'd be like my dad--a man I had nothing in common with. Anyway, one day at work she asks me again because, "He saw you and he's really interested." I asked he when he'd seen me. Turns out he was in the store lurking around so he could scope me out. That just made it so much worse. I was creeped out and found it so gross. Not long after, I met the guy I would marry. He's 4 months older than me. We're in our late 40s now and I still don't get what that 40 yr old man could have seen in 17 yr me. I can only think of one thing.
Hebephile My mom twisted off when her 50 yo brother married a 20 yo woman. She was a college student and he was the college president. Not cool.
As a dad to a 17 year old daughter, I find that creepy AF and if it were my daughter he was chasing, I’d have to run him off.
I've been in this situation before. A couple months ago, actually. Freshly 18, there was this 40 year old single dad who I'd jokingly flirt with (that part was my fault, yes). He said initially that he was flattered, but would never try to take advantage of my attraction to him. We ended up having sex less than a week later. It was a whole shitshow. Yes, I flirted with him first, I'm not claiming I was innocent here. Shortly after we had sex, like the next day, we had a fight and he broke off the fling. It took him all of 3 days to start begging to get me back. If I could go back in time and avoid that whole thing, I would. He's childish, weird, and an idiot. It was a mistake.
The friend talks like a neckbeard, acting like he's a perfect gentleman by not committing statutory rape. The Facebook stalking thing is creepy no matter what age she is, but she is still 17 so that makes it extra creepy. It's also telling that instead of doing online dating and waiting for whatever young woman wants to date him for some reason, he's hitting up his coworker who can't just block him, but has to see him at work. (It's even worse if this guy happens to be higher up and has any kind of workplace authority over her.) He also technically asked her out when she is still 17 and has a history of this behavior. I wouldn't be friends with him. Not all relationships with an age gap are bad, but this one definitely is.
I am 33 and I can't imagine asking out someone so young. I sometimes hang out with people decade younger than me.I think it's fine. But dating one of them? Hell, even thinking about it feel incredibly wrong. I know that some people can connect well despite age gap, I know guy who married lady 12 years older than him and they seem very happy. But they met when he was 24 and his wife never had habit of asking highschoolers out.
An older lady asked me out, I said no. I was trashed for being ageist, and "WHY ARE WOMEN DISCARDED WHEN THEY AGE?????" and f*ck me for not finding her attractive. I actually hate the stink of Hypocrisy this article reeks of.
Don't know why you're being downvoted. Nothing offensive here. Have an upvote.
Load More Replies... Genuinely curious to get everyone's opinion on this. I've heard that it's "not weird" to date someone who is half your age and then add 7 to it (obviously not going under 18). In this case, this guy could date someone as young as 24 and a half years old. Any younger is just weird. Does that seem like a more appropriate age gap? That aside, in this situation it just sounds like this guy is a total creep. "A true gentleman waits until they are 18." Yuck. Ew. Yikes.
Of course it's not normal. 17 year difference might be not big of a deal, when both people are fully grown adults, like 30 and 47/ But that's a grown-a*s man and a teenager, practically a child.
I'd like to know if the guy knew she was under 18 when he asked for her number. If he did then yeah that's really creepy. If he assumed she was 18 it makes it *slightly* better. Still on the nose, but not call the cops creepy.
This IS creepy. OP, don't get tangled up in this mess. This could be all talk, anyway. Why can't this guy date someone his own age? And why isn't she doing the same. He has a problem if he only wants to date young girls.. And she is likely looking for a sugar daddy. So the creep waits until she's 18. What happens then? Besides the obvious. So after they're done with that, what would they talk about? What could they even have in common? This will fizzle out on its own. He's just looking for younger dumb girls, give them a line of BS, so he can feel better about himself. And she's probably just stringing him along for the fun of it, just flirting. Talk is cheep! If he doesn't have enough money to take her out every night and buy her expensive things, she'll get bored and drop him.. It wouldn't surprise me if she's just playing him along for the h*'ll of it.
there's an "internet rule" that says the minimum age for a relationship, without it being creepy, is 1/2 your age +7 yrs. .... By this "rule" 24 would be the absolute youngest this "gentleman" should be dating.
My sister & I were at a club back in the day and there was this guy who was hitting on these barely legal girls (to drink, 21 in the US). He had to be 45 if he was a day. He saw me looking at him with disgust (my own daughter was right around that age) and asked me what my problem was. So I told him, loudly so the girls could hear, "If I saw some creepy old man hitting on MY daughter, I'd kick the ever lovin' s**t out of him. What is YOUR problem? Women your own age won't put up with your immature a$$? D*ck too little to satisfy an actual GROWN UP? What?" The girls laughed and he started yelling at me, which got him kicked out. Luckily, sis & I were cabbing it so we didn't have to walk across some dark parking lot when we left.
A true gentleman would go to her parents and ask permission to court her after her 18th birthday... and see their response!
I teach kids who turn 18 in high school. Let me assure everyone, they are children. Babies really. This is gross.
Wow. Way to be a predator while remaining just on the fence between legal and illegal. That’s disgusting behavior.
A gentleman sees a child as a child and NOT a sexual being. When dude was 25, she was a 7 year old girl. All the kids I know around that age, still seem like 10 year olds to me.
Half your age plus seven, man. We can't control who we're attracted to. But we can control how we act on it.
20 years difference isn't so strange to me for a date or a fine dinner, a movie and some cuddles, as long as the person is over 25. I enjoy fully developed adult's company.
I think with such a big age difference it's creepy af. If he was let's say 20 or 21 I'd say, yes, why not. Especially when they're both already working. They'd be in comparable life stages, that age gap is quite normal and if they met a little later no one would think twice about it. But even with a 23/25 year old the situation would be much different. At that age the physical development is done. They're not comparable anymore and the older person should already see the younger one as more of a sibling already, and a 35 year old guy should almost have fatherly feelings when he sees such a young girl.
Wow, feeling personally attacked are we? Wonder why...
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