Dad Livid His Daughter Objects To Babysitting His 5 Y.O. Twins, Even Though She Lives With Him Rent-Free
There is this rather natural parental frame of mind that if you’re gonna have kids, you might as well have several, because they’ll just babysit each other, right? Seems like a good idea, right? On paper. Not so much in practice. Why? Because humans are notoriously complicated beings and there’s a lot to consider before going along with that auto-babysitting plan.
Now, if you want an example of how it can go wrong, consider this: a single dad of an adult daughter and twin preschoolers recently turned to the internet for some perspective on whether he was wrong to expect his daughter to babysit her twin siblings on a regular basis, all the while paying her back in free rent under his roof, and once it hit the fan, he got upset she was “acting privileged.”
More Info: Reddit
While having several kids just so the parents can have them babysit each other sounds like a good idea, it’s not the smartest idea in the long run
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual image)
The story goes that OP has a daughter who’s currently 20 years old and studying while living under his roof. He doesn’t charge her rent as she does some chores here and there and occasionally keeps an eye on his 2 other kids, 5-year-old twin boys. This happens if he’s busy with work, or wants to take a break to see his girlfriend.
For context, OP elaborated that “occasionally” means 3 times a week in most cases, and is more often than not only away for a few hours at a time. According to him, the twins are mature for their age and tend to not cause a crazy ruckus. So, in his eyes, it seems like a simple task.
This one parent had to learn that the hard way after he asked the internet if he was wrong to have his adult daughter regularly babysit his twin sons, her siblings
Image credits: u/Throwaway476905
The 20-year-old daughter was OK with doing the daily chores, but was frustrated with having to babysit as it got in the way of her studies
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual image)
However, one day, the daughter approached him about the whole babysitting thing. She feels as if he’s putting too much of a workload on her with all the chores and all. While she did mention that she’s OK with the cooking and cleaning, the babysitting, however, is frustrating and stressful for her. In turn, it’s a speed bump in her studies.
This immediately upset the dad. He recalls having to go to school all the while having to pay the bills and take care of her as a baby alongside his ex-wife. In his eyes, she was acting privileged. But if he could do it, so could she. The daughter did not take this well, and stormed off to her room.
The dad’s sister also got involved and sided with the adult daughter, saying the dad should at least pay her for it, but he argued she’s already living rent and tuition-free
Image credits: u/Throwaway476905
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual image)
Soon after, the dad got word of how the daughter “went behind his back” and talked to his sister about how he was treating her. So, the sister in turn called him and tried to do some damage control in this situation by suggesting mayhaps paying the daughter for the chores she does. He disagreed, but admitted that comparing his situation to hers was unfair as at least he had a choice to have kids, and his choice shouldn’t bleed out into other people’s lives.
However, he still stood his ground that, if she’s going to live in his house rent free, all the while he’s paying for college, this alone should be considered an allowance. But the question was passed on to Reddit’s r/AITA community just to be sure.
The online community was having none of it, though, saying that the dad should not shove his responsibility onto his daughter, let alone even think that it’s OK to charge her rent
And sure enough, the community delivered a verdict the dad probably didn’t like, i.e. many considered him the bad guy in this situation. For the most part, folks reiterated OP’s sister’s comment that he can’t compare his situation to his daughter’s—he had a choice, whereas she wasn’t given one, let alone it’s not her responsibility to bear this burden, to be fair.
Others were a bit more understanding of this whole situation—it all depended on how much he was actually asking her to babysit. They argued that it is not unreasonable to ask a daughter to do things, but cooking and cleaning on the daily seemed a bit too much, and he still needed to listen and consider her wants, needs, and plans.
And yet others considered the whole concept of having a child live “rent free” at his house to be madness. If anything, that sounded like very poor parenting as the task of a parent is to provide a home. And should that continue, she might just move on and leave for good.
This is, however, an even bigger issue if viewed from a psychosocial perspective. Children parentification, i.e. assigning roles and tasks to kids that would otherwise be handled by the parents (or adults in general), is known to lead to higher levels of anxiety and depression, which in turn perpetuates the same behavioral cycle with their own kids.
Though, the Awareness Center also notes that not everyone is affected negatively by parentification, namely that only a quarter actually experience negative effects. The upside of parentification is that such kids often grow up with greater levels of interpersonal competence and take on “caretaker” personality traits, which in turn often lead them to become nurses, support workers or even childcare specialists.
Whatever the case, folks on the subreddit have spoken, all the while upvoting the post, which you can check out here, over 9,000 times (no meme intended, I swear), and generating over 5,500 comments in discussion.
So, what’s your take on this? Was the dad right to do what he did, or do you side with the daughter? Let us know in the comment section below and keep the conversation going!
This guy is basically asking his daughter to raise his other children for half of the week as well as do all the cleaning and cooking so that he can spend time with his girlfriend? He’s got this the wrong way around. HE should be raising his sons, SHE should have a social life. She didn’t choose to have those kids.
Semesters last only last 16 weeks..he can find a baby sitter during that time. Considering the study time requirements, class times, and refund time limits. If daughter is dropped by any of the professors because she's not meeting the requirements for class and that includes the study hrs, then he loses the refund. So he needs to look at date night and ask, am I ok with losing with amount of money just so my daughter can watch the kids? Btw, I work full time and just graduated from going to school full time.
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I really don’t understand the rent free thing either. Like once a kid turns 18 they suddenly owe you money for everything? It’s your child.
In the US, that's the way parents think. Apparently it's about reimbursement for what they are legally required to do when we are minors. If you don't pay, it's you move out.. don't care if you're homeless. Then the real shock comes when the parents hit retirement..off to retirement home.
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What Daddy doesn’t realize is a couple things: 1) when he and his ex had their daughter, I bet you anything SHE did the bulk of the housework and childcare, and he just jumped in when he felt like it, and 2) he’s treating his daughter, who is in college, like the help. She’s not the housekeeper and nanny, ffs! Also, since she’s in college—-and I assume a full time student—-she absolutely needs quiet, uninterrupted time to study. For a full time student, we’re talking anywhere from four to eight hours of study time, to read long articles, chapters, and books, then write all the required papers about them, and if she’s an undergrad, pass all her exams. Daddy is looking at her as a free, live-in maid and nanny, and not his college student DAUGHTER! Wait, I forgot #3) would he expect the same if she was his son, instead of his daughter? THAT’S a question I’d like to hear him (fumble for an) answer.
Nope but thousands of adults with tens of thousands of debt in student loans would have took the 3 times a week gig instead of student loans
Load More Replies... Anyone studying in college would know it would take a minimum of 3 evenings to keep up with course work in studying and projects. She then also has to attend classes, cook and clean every day plus is asked to baby sit 3 times per week at least. Doesn't take a grasp of math to see she is being virtually enslaved by dear dad, her own life outside of all these expectations and commitments is virtually non existent. Major YTA.
She should just move out and pay for her own rent and college..then she would be free! She should totally do it. Think of how cool it would be just to be a student without child care responsibilities..
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For the record: "I did it, so [you] should be able to too" is a TERRIBLE argument. It's an unholy amalgamation of begging the question, false equivalences, numerous other fallacies with latin names, all served with a generous supply of apathy.
He forgets he had a wife (now ex) at that same time, and I bet he dumped all the housework and childcare on her too.
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3 times per week counts as 'regularly babysitting' not occasional. At first I was thinking 'stop comparing you choosing to have your children before you were finished school to you expecting your daughter to raise your kids' to wondering how 'occasional child care' could put someone behind on their work. Surely an evening or two a month would be okay. Then I read the edit. OP definitely out of line.
Remember, he was married when he had his eldest daughter. I highly doubt he was the one doing all the heavy lifting of housework and childcare then, because he’s certainly not doing it now.
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What is it with the idea that a child owes something to parents? Do you raise a child just for profit and benefits? Then I suggest you don't have one in the first place.
The child didn’t ask to be born, especially not to an insufferable a*****e like this one. He had her with his ex. Did he have the two youngest with her too, or was that with ex #2? And now he wants free time to go on booty calls with his new girlfriend—-future ex #3? His track record with women really sucks. If the way he’s treating his oldest daughter is any indication of how he was with his ex-wives, then there’s a pattern of bad behavior emerging here, and he’s the common denominator in it.
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Ok, Dad is definitely TA. Trying to watch kids and do homework is f*****g impossible. He did it because OP was HIS kid. These are her siblings. This shouldn't be expected of her. I had a friend in hs whose parents made her raise her younger sisters, and she was depressed. She resented her sisters, and you could tell.
Yah Stella she should definitely move out..take care of everything herself. Get a job and student loans..think of the freedom she would have..like free to work a job more hours than she does babysitting. And she can enjoy monsterous student loan debt in the end. That would save her from resenting her dad too. Oh she would still do that because he didn't help her with bills..and she is saddled with student loans. She would have all that freedom from the a*****e dad that is paying for everything in her life at age 20. Totally should move out..
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I would have pretty much sided with the dad IF it was a situation where his asking her to help with the kids when he has to work or something that can't be helped. But he wants free time to spend with his girlfriend, that's then not a responsibility, but a favour his asking her to do. He should plan around the kids as if his daughter wasn't around. He and his girlfriend should take the kids with them wherever they go. It's how it worked in my most recent relationship, my ex had two little kids, and we were pretty much watching cartoons non-stop and going to child-friendly places. I accepted it because she comes with two kids, my choice. They should be doing the same.
Yes. Relying on your family for emergency situations is a pretty normal thing to do....but asking your kid to look after your other kids regularly because you want to go have fun is crappy. They're not her kids, they're his.
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If the arrangement from the start was I'll pay for your studies and you can live here rent free, but you cook and clean watch my kids 3 nights a week, that's not supportive or fatherly in my books. He wants to pretend he's a all noble and a super supportive dad whilst just being quite out for himself. Watching kids 3 times a week is not "occasionally". If the daughter studies full time, probably also works for money, and watches kids 3 nights, and I guess does a load of her dads chores, when does she ever not work? He sounds like a bit of a f***y who needs a nanny.
Nobody is holding her against her will..she should probably just move out since she has it all figured out. Or maybe John you could support her!
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Sorry OP, YOU decided to have more kids after already having a daughter who is a lot older. This doesn't automatically turn your first daughter into a nanny. Take care of your own kids!
And daughter should take care of her own self. 20 yo move out
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As someone who had to raise their brothers kids, while going to college and looking after an ailing parent, OP is the AH. The daughter didn't have kids, she should not be responsible for them. He needs to "take break" and hang out with his girlfriend is bull. You don't get breaks when you are the parent.
I'm not longer in contact with my sister.. parents can choose to have kids, siblings don't choose to have siblings. And we certainly don't want to raise them.
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So she’s doing daily cooking and cleaning plus childcare 3 times a week. That’s 20 hours plus a week - a part time job. Guy needs to look after his own kids like he would if she wasn’t there.
Then there's the 10 hrs of week per class for studying, 2 hrs minimum for class..it's exhausting watching 2 children then she has school and studying. I applaud the daughter to have the energy to do that. It's not like she's saying that it's interrupting her nights out. She could be dropped if she doesn't meet the requirements including the studying time and dad looses the refund.
Load More Replies... Yah she should move out while she has everything figured out. Get away from the selfish dad taking money he could be putting into retirement for himself and spending it on her for college.. I remember a time when one was responsible for themselves at a certain age..
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"they aren't crazy kids". No parent is fit to make that judgement. Unless he's got a hidden cam and watched the kids be good when he's not there, he can say nothing about how well behaved they are/aren't. I've been a kid dealing with other kids who are angels with their parents and nightmares anywhere else. How they are with him means nothing
I have taken care of way of too many kids where as soon as the parent says they aren't crazy or they are mature..it's bye. I have seen kids who were hell raisers in front of their parents and I had no problem with them..the "mature" ones were the ones that liked fire, why was it always fire, idk. But many sitters don't babysit twins for good reason or they hike up the rates for hazard pay.
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Parents parent. Children are children. Period. Dad’s an AH with chutzpah!
20 years old is an adult..she should move out if she doesn't like the arrangement
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Nobody seems to have caught that the father HAD A SPOUSE/PARTNER when his 20 yr old daughter was born. I'll bet that HE DID NONE of the cooking, cleaning or taking care of the daughter while HE was in school and she was young. He's TA because it appears he thinks he doesn't HAVE to do any of the cooking, cleaning, childcare et.al. I was cooking for a family of 5 SIX DAYS A WEEK when I was THIRTEEN because my mom worked nights (and would leave shortly after I got home from school) and my military father wanted dinner ready when HE got home. I did that until I left home ... at eighteen. I predict if he keeps this up he'll need to tell his work he can't stay late and his escapes to his girlfriend get much fewer because his daughter will find someplace else to live. Then he'll threaten her ability to attend college at risk because she refuses to be his live-in maid and nanny.
Totally agree Cat..she should put some distance between herself and her dad. Move out quickly and take care of herself while she is rich and knows everything
Load More Replies... You should set clear days when she needs to babysit her brothers. 2 nights - consistent from week to week- seems reasonable. Then after that you need to buck up and handle it yourself. Paying for her college and giving her a home rent free is very kind and generous. That's a simple request for someone you are fully supporting financially. She is very lucky to have a free ride to college and free rent. That's awesome you can provide that for her.
What a d**k. Not because not giving allowance to his daughter, living rent free is a big bonus. But. Does thr daughter do all the cleaning and cooking? 3 nights every week watching two 5 year olds? What a d**k. Hire a nanny. You are using you daughter as a slave on the premise that she lives rent free. What a d**k. And every parent that tells you "my kids are so well behaved and mature and they don't give any trouble to anyone" are alwsys totallu delucional and have the worst monsters for kids. They are your children, your choise, not your daughter's. Be a man and grow the f**k up.
Semesters are 16 weeks anyway so I personally would compromise considering the requirements for class. Hire a nanny/babysitter for those 16 weeks or risk not getting a refund if the daughter gets dropped for not meeting the study time requirements for class. Once the break occurs (can range from a couple weeks to a couple of months depending on which semester)..babysit but dad is actually on losing side of this.
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I'm betting his version of childcare was shared with his (then) wife. But one baby...twins are another level of childcare altogether. You ARE the a*****e!
Yah like holding down a job and having to do more than what is asked at his home
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Dude is a HUGE AH. Female children don't equal free child care. He is doing HIS JOB by putting HIS KID through college and providing housing (doing so in liu of paying for a dormitory where she WOULDN'T be doing domestic labor and might ACTUALLY HAVE A LIFE like most college students get to have.) She owes him NOTHING. That is literally the job of a parent. SHE didn't have kids so she has ZERO obligation to care for kids. It really is that simple. Also gonna throw it out there that although he sees it reasonable because HE had to take care of a baby (that HE created) I highly doubt he would have expected this service from a son, free or otherwise. The entitlement of this jerk....The rest of the family should step in and get her an apartment so she can be free from domestic servitude and actually enjoy this part of her life.
It isn't a parents job and there is no obligation to pay for everything college related and expenses while in college..if that was the case why are there so many student loans out there.. daughter should just move out and pay for everything if she doesn't like the arrangement.
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DOD I miss it somewhere? Is the mother of the 20 year the same mother of the twins? If not, where's the twins mother?
Those aren't her kids, she shouldn't have to raise them. End of story. Hire a babysitter so she can f*****g study. Don't make your kid parent your other kids.
Watching over children isn't a skill everyone has. It can be stressful for someone who already has many responsibilities. Children are a choice. This guy made that decision to raise his daughter while working and going to school. His daughter doesn't have children and deserves to have more time to herself since she is required to do cleaning and cooking. Cleaning is draining and cooking is a skill as well. She is doing this stuff for FREE but he's not respecting her boundaries. And to claim she doesn't truly belong in the house as his child, that is so wrong and dehumanizing. His daughter is a person. Respect her time instead of complaining that she is lucky over her father.
I hope she goes no contact. It was so much better for my mental health once i stopped even trying to see those kinds of people as parents or anyone worth having in my life. Hope he also realizes why he had to pay for his own nursing home and his kids never visit or let him have "grandparent rights" to just have fun and happy times with her children (or that if the twins tbh) after refusing go grow up and be an actual parent for "his" kids (that he really didn't seem to act or speak like they're his responsibility or even something he wants to bother with at all). I myself was "Mature for my age" so i know that comes directly from abuse. I was also an "oldest daughter" (trabsmasc but if course my family of origin wouldn't acknowledge that). I had to babysit 4 kids constantly including infant twins (in high school i actually did online school so my mom could work at a school and not lose her paycheck to daycare. So 2 kids for 8-12 hours every single day starting at age 14.)
Everyone assumed those twins were secretly mine and i was s**t shamed constantly especially if i took the twins out for lunch or to the park. I had no social life and the few friends i had were mostly guys who assumed i left school to have babies and thus would be sexually available for them (i was as much of a straight edge scardey cat virgin as you could get. I was hyper terrified of ever getting pregnant or letting my guard down) and they'd soon attack and leave me when they found out the truth. Then the two other brothers would come home around 3pn and I'd need to babysit then too until their dad came home around 7pm. My mom frequently wouldn't come home until kicked out of her axboon around 11pm and then have me help her grade papers and set up work booklets for her class. In addition to all that any time i would express feeling overwhelmed, stressed, incapable of the responsibility of all the kids (especially my oldest brother who was extremely violent) i was "bad"
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I feel like he's trying to put pressure on her until she cracks and drops out of college, since he's paying for it. Can't have his free labor doing something as frivolous as getting an education, after all.
If she drops out..he honestly doesn't get a refund on any of it and he will hang it over her head about how she wasted thousands of dollars
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If watching the kids is going beyond the initial agreement, then the dude is TA. If more help is needed, it's best done in advance along side scheduling (like other commenters here said). Be civil and plan ahead. That way both parties respect each other's needs and schedules. Otherwise holding "free rent" over someones head and saying "I did a lot more when I was young" is just immature and rather toxic means of getting control of a situation over another adult.
And yeah, a dad paying the tuition and fees rent is a great gift..but gifts do NOT come strings attached. She's 20 yrs old with no income, she qualifies as a low income for grants (you don't pay those back)..drop dad's free tuition and take grants. Also she can get a job on campus that she can get often for credit and gain experience.. there's even programs like University Enterprises Inc that gives students opportunities in state agencies for credit and pay. She would be required to take a certain amount of credits (12) unless employer agrees to lower as well work 20 hrs a week.
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Let's play by numbers now, 1. One kid versus two kids, with one set of parents and one older sibling. 2. One older sibling as two toddlers surrogate primary caregiver versus one set of 'real' parents. 3. 40ish father with plenty of social life hours versus 20 years old with non existent private moments. By comparison, the numbers are against the daughter. She has to become the 'slave', not only for her siblings, but also for her father. Cooking and cleaning as daily chores because you have to do it anyways. What about bathing, sleeping, feeding, and many other things for the toddlers, while she still have to find times for her studying, coursework, and the father easily left three evenings for fun with girlfriend? Still he has the nerve to say because she lives rent free, then it's okay to do that? Where's the twin's mother? She is the one who has to parent her twin, and as the father, she could be your ex-partner. But never EX-MOTHER(S) to your children.
Ok first being in college and raising a child 20 years ago was objectively easier , not a walk in the park but with housing and inflation crisis of today its a different situation. Second fathers typically have an easier role in the early stages of parent hood especially young fathers and judging on the fact that your seeking someone else to watch your sons 3 days a week seems that was a likely characteristic of yours. Your daughter is a full time student, is expected to clean and cook for a family of four and then be the caretaker for two five year olds for several hours three days a week. What your asking of your daughter is the equivalent of shared custody realistically and she has to just except it because otherwise she'll be adding so much more to her student debt which let's be honest she'll be paying to her dieing day anyway. Yta dude especially since you act like housing your own child should make you father of the year The job doesn't stop at 18.
He should definitely be estranged for parentifying one child openly and then also bragging about the huge red flag of his abusive and negligent wags (which is how "mature for their age" his other children are). Terrible "parent" that could never grow up enough to take responsibility for his own reproduction instead of making it the responsibility and problem of all the women in his life. Good on the kids mom for leaving him long ago. Wish she had taken the child tho and left bin having to figure out how to raise any figure kids he decided to have on his own. Terrible "parent" awful person. Male entitlement and ego at it's finest.
People are wierd. This dad is making a big mistake pointing out how his 20 year old daughter is living rent free in his home and tuition free. If he uses that as reason it may make her get rid of the reason, she may try to work out her tuition and leave home or I guess "not home" since she ought to pay rent to her Dad as though he were just the Lord of the apartment and not her Dad. Alternatively she may put up with this only till she gets done with school and can earn some money for herself and you're automatically creating a rift between yourself and your daughter by not acknowledging her complaint and coming to a compromise.
So, while she was growing up, your plan was to use her as your cook, housekeeper, and nanny? Tell me when she asked you to be here? You, by your actions, chose to have a child, so you get to punish her for being here? Watch your own children! She has none! Don't want to watch your own children? Hire a nanny!
I like the excuse of "I took care of you so you have to take care of your siblings." So, you fathered the one and that makes her responsible for the rest? Just because you were okay raising children while studying doesn't mean that she is.
Typical American thinking! I suffered so shall you suffer. This is why America can't have good healthcare! "Oh I'm not paying for some rando when they're sick! I'm not sick so why should I put out?" OMG! "I ate dirt for dinner so you have to eat garbage to know what I suffered through!" WTF again??? Break the chain you a*****e! Own the Libs... go ahead and downvote this...
All these people dumping on this young woman, I have a few questions: Did she ask to be here? Was he an adult when he became a father? And did he understand the responsibilities of the position? If he wasn't an adult, why didn't he pay attention in biology class to know that if you play it's very possible that you'll have to pay? So, now that she's here she's to pay for his decisions? Helping out is that... helping out. But, the way OP wrote this thing, she's not expected to 'help out' she's essentially to be the housekeeper and nanny. So, if you want to split hairs, she has two full time jobs, plus school.
So dad and the ex had ONE kid to raise. She has TWO kids to care for by herself. Dad needs a huge reality check! Perhaps his “girlfriend” should step up and watch the kids instead of having alone time.
This guy is a piece of work. He chose to have his daughter, so too bad he had to work and go to school while she was little. He also chose to have more kids. She did not. He is being selfish. Let her finish school and do well. If she didn’t live there he would be doing all the housework, cooking, and paying a babysitter so he could go have girlfriend time. He’s an adult who made choices. His 20 year old shouldn’t have to pick up his slack.
Work related … free babysitting since it helps pay for her college Seeing girlfriend….pay her
Haha. What a douche. When he was going to school the ex was around. Who do you think looked after the girl? Not this AH. Ugh. Repulsive. No contact is coming up.
Yta. Simply put. They are your kids. My mom was forced into this situation when she was younger and never forgave her parents.
YTA!!! This girl is not entitled! She needs a roof over her head while she goes to college and OP is using this fact to turn her into his servant. She is not even complaining about doing it. The amount is overwhelming her. BTW OP, having a job to support your own children while going to school is NOT the same as making your 20 year old daughter cook, clean and care for your children while she goes to school. I'm guessing she is paying her own way or you would be adding that to her IOU as well. This girl is going to take that degree and run! Shame on you.
Omg! Rent free and tuition free.... Ummmm duh! You are still the parent of this 20 year old and it is your responsibility to pay for her rent and tuition while this child is studying. You make it sound like your daughter is a free loader. I would understand if you obligated her to pay utilities and rent if she had a full time job and was not studying. Do you even respect HER time. You say you need a break to be with your girlfriend??? Then hire a babysitter! Your daughter also needs a break you know! And don't tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about. I have a 19 year old son who is also still studying. He still has his monthly allowance and as this guy would put it, "living rent free" he does have his chores and must learn to balance it out with his study time. BUT I don't obligate him to babysit his younger siblings because I am the parent and these kids are my responsibility and not my adult son's. I make it a point to ask my son if he could babysit. It's not an automatic th
The boys have school Monday- friday assuming 8-3 are you working nights and shes having to keep them til you get off work? Is she watching them Saturday and Sunday? She shouldn't have to watch them for you to go on a date.and if she gets up early to go to college if watching them at night can be exhausting...I'm not saying never watch them .cause it's ok that she does.as far as chores..boys can pick up after themselves. You can help with chores especially your own space.shes not the only one who lives there and cleaning is teamwork..maybe fix a cleaning chart who does what on certain days..and listen to your daughter better to talk it out than fight about it..wouldn't hurt you to give her spending money for the fact shes not working..also make sure she has breathing time also...it can be worked out if you try...why cant your gf watch the boys when your daughter has plans..or is she not good enough? Theres all kinds of options...
He says he went to college, paid bills and took care of her with his ex when he young.. it's still not the same because he had his ex-wife there to help (I'm going to just assume she did most of the child rearing) and it was one child. He is asking her to take care of two children with no help. Plus we also don't know what her course load is compared to what his was. Was he a full time (14 credit+) or was he part time, what is she studying? Those circumstances can drastically change how much stress she is under even if she doesn't have a job.
The "I had to struggle so now you should" is an awful thought process, especially when it comes to your own kids
I would of been really grateful for my parents if they could pay my tuition while I went to school let alone tuition, and room and bored. But with that said not everyone is parent material as this guy should know he seems to have had at least 2 women in his life that found out the hard way. In addition it's far more stressful to babysit then to raise your own child. Your dealing with the stress of the kids parents and the kids themselves. Those in my life who raised boys and girls always say the same thing girls are easier then boys. I feel this is even more amplified for people who are not their parents and don't have the authority that the parents do. So overall TLDR they are both needing more communication and understanding of each other there are too many things that could affect this not just the surface level things
YTA!! You need to go out with your girlfriend 3 times a week?? Then you and your girlfriend had no business having kids. It is your job to raise those kids NOT your daughters. Grow up!
Where is the twins mother? Why can't she watch them? It is not the daughter responsibility, it is his. She is not freeloading, she is working hard at home and on her education. Dad you're wrong
Let me put in how much study time you are required for college-10 hrs per week outside of class per class. Each class can be a minimum of 2 hrs. So if she says that watching kids is too much and taking away from studying.. listen. You can get dropped from not putting in enough hrs of study time and if she gets dropped in the middle of semester by the professor-dad looses the refund..he would be far more upset.
Almost sounds like dad is resentful that she was born and he had to work and go to college. So, making her 'pay' for the choice you made to get your ex pregnant is okay? And now you have twins that 'you need a break from' and so your daughter is now the pseudo mom? Zip it up, flyboy - making babies is not the same as being a parent.
Sounds like a compromise. Charge her for rent and make her pay her own tuition. Next, hire a babysitter and make the daughter no longer responsible for the cooking/cleaning/etc but have her do just her own cooking/cleaning. Edit: Could also not charge her rent but make her pay for her own tuition. Parents don't have to pay their kids tuition, it's a great way to support them however she's 20, thats definitely old enough to start paying your own tuition. If she can't afford it she can go get a job and save up for college if it's too much for her to work full time and do college
YTA do you want to set your daughter to fall at college? If she says it affecting her studies then it is, also babysitting 3 times a week is not occasional, that is shared parenting and they are not her children. As for the cooking and cleaning, do you have no time to do your own housework.. . Remember your kids not hers. Basically find a babysitter so your daughter can concentrate on her studies and stop holding her tuition and housing over her head. That is bordering on financial abuse.
I ran away from home when I was 12, because I was sick and tired of being a full-time Nanny to my brother & 2 sisters. Not only did I go to school (obvs.), I had to cook, clean, check homework, etc. every night. Friday & Saturday my single Mom went "out" and left me with the 3 of them, usually until well after midnight. I played soccer and was in the speech & debate club and told her point blank that I was tired of raising HER kids, so I left. I got put in juvenile detention (for running away) and made to go to therapy, where my Mom didn't come off so well. I realized she was a single parent, but I WASN'T. We've long since made peace, but I totally get where this girl is coming from. Dad needs to get a babysitter and leave big sis to her OWN life. Helping out around the house is just a given if you live there, being responsible for 5 y/o twins is SO NOT.
Pay rent? The kids. Why does the kid have to pay rent. Her job should be study, get a career so she can find a job and have her own place. I don't get this parents that expect the kids to pay rent. By the way i think education is part of the responsibilities of a parent too. You choose to have kids now do your job. Not only talking about the twins your daughter needs a dad too.
Sorry but your kids, your responsibility. She helps around the house which is reasonable but she is not responsible for your children so you can “hang out” with your girlfriend. Get a sitter. You had the children, she is certainly not responsible for their care, you are. I’m sick of these parents who think because they had children the older ones should be happy to care for them. Once in a while fine but 3x a week, good grief. YA a great big A.
He probably left his wife at home alone to take care of the kids when he "needed a break" 3 or so times a week, which is probably why she is his ex. Now he is using his daughter as a surrogate wife and expects her to be okay with it when the woman who actually chose to have kids with him wasn't.
Definitely NTA! Daughter is not doing “all the cleaning and cooking”’ she is doing “basic chores”. And since when is babysitting for 2 well-behaved 5 year old kids for 2 hours 3 times a week “raising the children”. Do the math. That equals 6 hours a week. So sorry this entitled daughter finds that to be too stressful and doesn’t want to do it. The daughter is over 18. She is an adult, old enough to be living on her own, working at a job to pay her rent, food, utilities and do her own cooking and chores. Dad paying for her college tuition and allowing her to continue to live at home rent free is a gift, not an obligation. Asking her to do some basic household chores, some cooking and 6 measly hours of babysitting in return sounds more than fair to me. Dad could a hire a nanny and let her move out and pay her own tuition, just like many other 18 year olds get asked to do by their parents. Daughter doesn’t realize how good she has it. She should be grateful and stop whining.
You don't have kids to babysit the other ones you might have so no matter the age of the eldest if they don't want to you shouldn't guilt or force them to watch the others. They aren't your built in babysitter. OP had the moms help and from the sounds of it the mom did most of the work.
NTA kick her out stop paying tuition. Sounds like white privilege to me. I didn't get a car or free housing after 18 and sure didn't have my college paid for me by my parents. I got the opportunity from my job moving to mexico. I jumped through all the hoops and obligations of the federal government to keep that funding. Life is hard and is getting harder. Privilege is being taken from all people not born millionairs. So giving her everything is teaching her nothing about this cruel heartless world that will stab her for her hair and eye color to the shoes on her feet. Good job daddy. You are also teaching g her how to care for children while doing all those things. And if she succeeds she will be so further ahead of all these coddled spoiled brats who thinks we should stop and give them money for waisting space on this earth. We learn what we can do in this world not by privilege but by succeeding in rhe face of adversity, and she will be stronger, more confident, and happier.
I see so many a**holes here, starting with the authors of this piece trying to sensationalize this, talking about child parentification. The daughter is 20 years old, no one is stealing her childhood. A 20 year is not a child. But yeah, the dad is definitely being an a**hole. His daughter is telling him that she is struggling, and his response is good, I struggled, you should struggle. Who does that? Have a conversation with her. Figure out an arrangement that can work for both of you.
If my parents had paid for my college and all I had to do was babysit three times a week I would be over the moon. Maybe he should stop paying for tuition and she can take out loans, and he can use that money for a living nanny. He can still let her live at the house rent free, but then they will both be happy. That's actually the perfect compromise.
Okay, 5 years old usually means kindergarten here in the states. So for a few hours when they get home from school, not 3 whole days a week. She should expect chores if she's still living with him and going to school on his dime. If she doesn't like that she always has the option to move out. It's his house, his rules, not societies rules and certainly not hers.
I think she should pay rent or stick to the arrangement her father has set.She living rent (food includied) free and her father is paying for her tuition. There are a lot of young students out there paying rent and their expensive, which mean they are working as well. There students who are paying their way through college. She 20 not 16. His sister can offer to babysit, if she so concerned.
As someone who is 8,10 and 13years older than her siblings I can understand that you have your own life and things to do but because I watched my siblings when they were kids I'm also very close to them and I got to watch them become the people they are today. College is very taxing and it takes everything you have if you aren't a good student but if the boys are as behaved as the op says she should be able to handle getting them a snack and juice and letting them watch t.v or play in their room till dad gets home. Bed time isn't that difficult either. Sounds like she doesn't want to and probably isn't interested in kids generally. Hire a sitter save yourself the headache.
Sounds to me like she's a typical "only child" because there's 15 years between his daughter and her siblings. They tend to be and react spoiled sometimes selfishly. Her willingness to cook and clean is awesome! Reduce your expectations from her to one night a week, call it date night and always ask if she's available first. Always thank her. The other two nights ask a friend if they can go sit with the boys and your house because you're working late or whatever. 3 hours isn't that taxing. Make sure whomever does agree to watch them has a clear understanding of whether its a paying gig or not. Do teenagers (13-15)still babysit for extra cash besides their allowance? I'd ask a trusted good friend with a young teenager to watch them. Good luck.
Start charging your adult daughter rent portion of bills. Stop enabling your daughter. Use the money to pay for a babysitter those few days a week. If she wants to be an adult treat her as one and not a babysitter or nanny. It's time for her to start taking on her responsibilities of life
Sounds like he is the one that needs to start taking care of his responsibilities instead of passing them off to his daughter. She's not even saying that she doesn't want to do anything; she's fine continuing the cooking and cleaning, but watching the kids as much as she does is interfering with school.
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I could understand her helping and watching the boys for maybe a couple hours during the week here and there if he's coming home from work, or if he needs to go to the store and leave them home or something like that. His money is paying the bills and food, etc. But, if he needs a break and goes out with his girlfriend its only fair to hire a babysitter or something so she can get a break too and have time to study and go out as well. Sounds like she's just as busy as he is.
Is dad divorced or widower? Is there another ex around? If the twins mother is in the picture is she able to watch the kids? I don't think dad is a bad person but if adult daughter isn't up to babysit on a consistent basis she probably wouldn't mind occasionally when prearranged. She is cooking and cleaning too, chores are healthy and she doesn't mind that. But, why doesn't dad hire an au pair? They will fill in the domestic/child care needs. Then the daughter can get a part-time job because au-pair pay would come out of her available college money. There has to be give and take by everyone living in the home. Personally I've never felt is was right for parents to foot 100% of college expenses but it's also not right for an older sibling to be a SAHM either when it isn't their kids.
TBH, it’s not right for college to cost so f*****g much in the first place. But that’s not the issue. Even if college was cheap, this a*****e of a dad would still act like he was some kind of major philanthropist by letting his kid live at home while in college—-and probably a state college with even cheaper tuition than a private school.
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Hmmm. Yes, he's TA since he's expecting her to behave like his wife and not his daughter. I see many options here however, he could hire a maid, a nanny or a babysitter OR she can move in with her mother and not have to deal with daddy at all. Adult children living rent free with a full ride college education unfortunately is not the norm in this country, if it was, perhaps he'd have a clue or buy a vowel. Plenty of people, myself included, paid their way through college as single adult parents working full time jobs. He's TA but she's entitled. As a parent of adult children (38m, 31f,29f) I find the younger generation to be completely entitled. I feel that that's what you get when you hand out trophies for simply showing up, you set them up for failure in the real world.
She chooses to stay there, though, so it it's a better deal for her than living and working for herself. She's 20, so her father isn't any more responsible for her than she is for him. Seems like he is doing her a favor, so shouldn't she do him one too?
I think everyone saying "YTA" are hyperbolizing the small amount of information on exactly 'how much' she is responsible for doing. The way it's worded makes it sound like she really doesn't have an overwhelming amount of work, and a few hours, about 3 times a week, is not bad for babysitting, but it certainly would hinder her schoolwork at home if the kids need constant supervision. The fact alone that she is rent and tuition free (being the daughter and living in his house, and tuition payed for by her father), I believe puts the father in the right. If the daughter had a job on top of school, then it would be a little more debatable, but there was no mention of that. Overall, I believe we don't have all of the specifics to make a full conclusion, but, at least with the information given, I believe he is NTA.
everyone is failing to mention he's paying her tuition for college... nvm not having to go find a place and pay rent. why do kids act so entitled these days? like they should get everything handed to them for free and do nothing for it? if her dad wasn't paying her tuition and letting her live there still how much more stress would she be under? not having food or money or time cause she's having to work full time plus go to school etc. geez. look at it from a different perspective. he does not have to do any of that for her. maybe you all had it different growing up and you got everything handed to you so you expect every parent to do the same... lol
I side with the Dad here. I watched my younger brother growing up and am currently raising a six year old and an infant. At five years old kids dont take that much effort to watch for a few hours. Just bring in your books or laptop to the family room. Then let the kids play while you do your work, and keep an ear on the boys. Look up now and again to check on them. My kids have a play corner where it's easy to keep an eye on them. Life takes work, even if you don't have kids you still have to hold down a job, pay bills, and do all of the cleaning and chores, plus take care of pets if you have them. When you are a part of a family you have to be a part of that family, that means you have to interact with them and help and support them, not just expect them to help and support you. Life is give and take, and does not revolve around any one person. You get out of life what you put into it. Live only for yourself, when things go bad all you will have left is yourself.
I have an idea. How about he just charges her rent and utilities. And she can pay for her college. Can't afford it? Well she could get a job outside of the house and take away from her studies as well. And go in debt from student loans. Or this is crazy get her own place and do as she wishes as she pays for it. Crazy idea. Dad could hire a nanny and come out ahead. Or she could take a step back and realize that even with watching her brothers 3 times a week it is still a pretty good deal for her. So SHE can whatever social life SHE can afford living on her own and paying for everything.
The father is right and the daughter is a spoiled brat. Start charging her rent and let her see what reality is really like or better yet make her pay for her own education and reality will set in quickly for that spoiled little brat. Watching her own brothers 3 days a week for a few hours is a small price to pay for the luxury of living rent free at home and being tuition free. She needs to suck it up and stop acting like a spoiled brat.
Did everyone miss that he is paying her bills and FOR COLLEGE!?? A babysitter would be much cheaper than providing an education and safe comfortable living environment. Again she is an adult living rent free and doesn't have to work, but yet she thinks babysitting 3 times a week and basic everyday chores is too much with school? How is she going to handle being an adult with a boss who will give her tasks she doesn't like during a normal full time work week? Plus she will have to do the same if not more if she moves out by herself? And if he is a single dad supporting 3 kids and affording her college than odds are she's living in a much nicer accommodation than if she lived on campus or worked and paid herself. She is spoiled and he needs to stay with it to help start transitioning her into the real world.
Thats the trouble with these kids today, they dont want to do s**t, or they cant do s**t. We are leaving the world to these lazy asses who spend most of the time with their noses buried in their phones. She is living rent free, college paid for. It wont kill her to watch her brothers, when and if she gets knocked up, she will expect "Grandpa or lil Uncles" to watch her kid while she goes out with her friends. NTA
Watching her brothers 15 hours a week on top of cooking and cleaning is a part time job. Full time college is minimum 18 hours of class time and meant to be 3x that in our of class work (maybe more now, I've been out of college for the better part of a decade). I worked full time at a job I loathed (but it had flexible hours, nevermind I wanted to drive into a tree literally every day), took a 21hr course load, and occasionally (I actually mean it, like twice a month, not three times a week) babysat my foster siblings. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I'll be frank, your comment sounds like you just hate young people, especially young women with the "when she gets knocked up" comment. Maybe you're just wildly out of touch with what higher education is like these days.
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Dear Bored Panda and please cease and desist with these posts about people have people problem! I already have enough of my own and I don't want or see anyone else's.
No one is forcing you to read these articles. Just scroll past them.
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So when I turned 16 my mom told me to get a job and give her half as rent. This was the 80s. I would go to school. Go home and do homework. Go to work. Come home and finish home work. Go to bed. Get up and repeat. I've always paid my way. He's giving her a roof. A place to live without rent. She's and adult who can work too. He's paying for her schooling. I would have had to if I was able to go to college but I couldn't afford it and my parents wouldn't pay for it. I didn't have a car. I took the bus or train. I watched my sister. I cleaned the house. Chores. I did my laundry. Chores. But I paid SOMETHING to the house bills. If she can't work then watching the kids should be enough. He needs to write a schedule out so if he's out she knows she's got the boys. She needs to write one out too with her schooling and if she wants free time. I'm sure he cleans around the house or grocery shops and does some chores too. Consider them roommates but he pays. And if she don't like it she can go
And I'm sorry you had to suffer. My life wasn't that easy either. But as adults who understand that children need to be loved, cared for and nurtured we need to do better for them. And I don't know about you, but I certainly could have done with some kindness at 20 years of age.
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What she is going to do then? Grants because she qualifies as low income because she's 20. Get work with a state agency that requires 12 credits with 20 hrs with benefits. That will be enough to pay for a room and food. You can get gas from the commute program from school or work. And Dad will be crying about how she owes him for the thousands he paid in previous semesters and that his free child care is gone.
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Then HE loses the investment of thousands of dollars..and she will qualify for grants as a low income student (grants you don't pay back)..also gifts don't come strings attached.
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And Dad would be upset he lost free child care and thousands of dollars (daughter doesn't to pay him back legally)
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Maybe you should calculate how much she would earn by babysitting 3 times a week for about 6 hrs x 20, it is minimum you have to pay for babysitter, it is 360 per week plus cleaning and cooking, cleaner charges you also around 20 per hr and if she is doing that in daily basis so multiple that by 7 days for 2 hrs that’s 280 per week so she could earn 640 per week. I think that is more than enough to pay per room of her own and pay her tuition
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The daughter is a nanny, they clean, and care for children with having a college education. Nannies also charge per child per hr. She leaves, he's going to go through the real headache of finding a babysitter for twins (many won't), and daughter is under no legal obligation to pay dad back so he literally lost thousands. She however can go to school on grants as well get credit for her major with working 20 hrs a week with pay along with benefits that include a commute program. She would be fine, his weekly date nights won't
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Chores are one thing, but all the babysitting is different (in my opinion). He said his daughter is fine with the chores, it's just all the babysitting that's the issue. I'm more than twice the daughter's age, and if I had to babysit twin 5-year-olds three days (or more) per week, I would lose my mind.
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This guy is basically asking his daughter to raise his other children for half of the week as well as do all the cleaning and cooking so that he can spend time with his girlfriend? He’s got this the wrong way around. HE should be raising his sons, SHE should have a social life. She didn’t choose to have those kids.
Semesters last only last 16 weeks..he can find a baby sitter during that time. Considering the study time requirements, class times, and refund time limits. If daughter is dropped by any of the professors because she's not meeting the requirements for class and that includes the study hrs, then he loses the refund. So he needs to look at date night and ask, am I ok with losing with amount of money just so my daughter can watch the kids? Btw, I work full time and just graduated from going to school full time.
Load More Replies... I really don’t understand the rent free thing either. Like once a kid turns 18 they suddenly owe you money for everything? It’s your child.
In the US, that's the way parents think. Apparently it's about reimbursement for what they are legally required to do when we are minors. If you don't pay, it's you move out.. don't care if you're homeless. Then the real shock comes when the parents hit retirement..off to retirement home.
Load More Replies... What Daddy doesn’t realize is a couple things: 1) when he and his ex had their daughter, I bet you anything SHE did the bulk of the housework and childcare, and he just jumped in when he felt like it, and 2) he’s treating his daughter, who is in college, like the help. She’s not the housekeeper and nanny, ffs! Also, since she’s in college—-and I assume a full time student—-she absolutely needs quiet, uninterrupted time to study. For a full time student, we’re talking anywhere from four to eight hours of study time, to read long articles, chapters, and books, then write all the required papers about them, and if she’s an undergrad, pass all her exams. Daddy is looking at her as a free, live-in maid and nanny, and not his college student DAUGHTER! Wait, I forgot #3) would he expect the same if she was his son, instead of his daughter? THAT’S a question I’d like to hear him (fumble for an) answer.
Nope but thousands of adults with tens of thousands of debt in student loans would have took the 3 times a week gig instead of student loans
Load More Replies... Anyone studying in college would know it would take a minimum of 3 evenings to keep up with course work in studying and projects. She then also has to attend classes, cook and clean every day plus is asked to baby sit 3 times per week at least. Doesn't take a grasp of math to see she is being virtually enslaved by dear dad, her own life outside of all these expectations and commitments is virtually non existent. Major YTA.
She should just move out and pay for her own rent and college..then she would be free! She should totally do it. Think of how cool it would be just to be a student without child care responsibilities..
Load More Replies... For the record: "I did it, so [you] should be able to too" is a TERRIBLE argument. It's an unholy amalgamation of begging the question, false equivalences, numerous other fallacies with latin names, all served with a generous supply of apathy.
He forgets he had a wife (now ex) at that same time, and I bet he dumped all the housework and childcare on her too.
Load More Replies... 3 times per week counts as 'regularly babysitting' not occasional. At first I was thinking 'stop comparing you choosing to have your children before you were finished school to you expecting your daughter to raise your kids' to wondering how 'occasional child care' could put someone behind on their work. Surely an evening or two a month would be okay. Then I read the edit. OP definitely out of line.
Remember, he was married when he had his eldest daughter. I highly doubt he was the one doing all the heavy lifting of housework and childcare then, because he’s certainly not doing it now.
Load More Replies... What is it with the idea that a child owes something to parents? Do you raise a child just for profit and benefits? Then I suggest you don't have one in the first place.
The child didn’t ask to be born, especially not to an insufferable a*****e like this one. He had her with his ex. Did he have the two youngest with her too, or was that with ex #2? And now he wants free time to go on booty calls with his new girlfriend—-future ex #3? His track record with women really sucks. If the way he’s treating his oldest daughter is any indication of how he was with his ex-wives, then there’s a pattern of bad behavior emerging here, and he’s the common denominator in it.
Load More Replies... Ok, Dad is definitely TA. Trying to watch kids and do homework is f*****g impossible. He did it because OP was HIS kid. These are her siblings. This shouldn't be expected of her. I had a friend in hs whose parents made her raise her younger sisters, and she was depressed. She resented her sisters, and you could tell.
Yah Stella she should definitely move out..take care of everything herself. Get a job and student loans..think of the freedom she would have..like free to work a job more hours than she does babysitting. And she can enjoy monsterous student loan debt in the end. That would save her from resenting her dad too. Oh she would still do that because he didn't help her with bills..and she is saddled with student loans. She would have all that freedom from the a*****e dad that is paying for everything in her life at age 20. Totally should move out..
Load More Replies... I would have pretty much sided with the dad IF it was a situation where his asking her to help with the kids when he has to work or something that can't be helped. But he wants free time to spend with his girlfriend, that's then not a responsibility, but a favour his asking her to do. He should plan around the kids as if his daughter wasn't around. He and his girlfriend should take the kids with them wherever they go. It's how it worked in my most recent relationship, my ex had two little kids, and we were pretty much watching cartoons non-stop and going to child-friendly places. I accepted it because she comes with two kids, my choice. They should be doing the same.
Yes. Relying on your family for emergency situations is a pretty normal thing to do....but asking your kid to look after your other kids regularly because you want to go have fun is crappy. They're not her kids, they're his.
Load More Replies... If the arrangement from the start was I'll pay for your studies and you can live here rent free, but you cook and clean watch my kids 3 nights a week, that's not supportive or fatherly in my books. He wants to pretend he's a all noble and a super supportive dad whilst just being quite out for himself. Watching kids 3 times a week is not "occasionally". If the daughter studies full time, probably also works for money, and watches kids 3 nights, and I guess does a load of her dads chores, when does she ever not work? He sounds like a bit of a f***y who needs a nanny.
Nobody is holding her against her will..she should probably just move out since she has it all figured out. Or maybe John you could support her!
Load More Replies... Sorry OP, YOU decided to have more kids after already having a daughter who is a lot older. This doesn't automatically turn your first daughter into a nanny. Take care of your own kids!
And daughter should take care of her own self. 20 yo move out
Load More Replies... As someone who had to raise their brothers kids, while going to college and looking after an ailing parent, OP is the AH. The daughter didn't have kids, she should not be responsible for them. He needs to "take break" and hang out with his girlfriend is bull. You don't get breaks when you are the parent.
I'm not longer in contact with my sister.. parents can choose to have kids, siblings don't choose to have siblings. And we certainly don't want to raise them.
Load More Replies... So she’s doing daily cooking and cleaning plus childcare 3 times a week. That’s 20 hours plus a week - a part time job. Guy needs to look after his own kids like he would if she wasn’t there.
Then there's the 10 hrs of week per class for studying, 2 hrs minimum for class..it's exhausting watching 2 children then she has school and studying. I applaud the daughter to have the energy to do that. It's not like she's saying that it's interrupting her nights out. She could be dropped if she doesn't meet the requirements including the studying time and dad looses the refund.
Load More Replies... Yah she should move out while she has everything figured out. Get away from the selfish dad taking money he could be putting into retirement for himself and spending it on her for college.. I remember a time when one was responsible for themselves at a certain age..
Load More Replies... "they aren't crazy kids". No parent is fit to make that judgement. Unless he's got a hidden cam and watched the kids be good when he's not there, he can say nothing about how well behaved they are/aren't. I've been a kid dealing with other kids who are angels with their parents and nightmares anywhere else. How they are with him means nothing
I have taken care of way of too many kids where as soon as the parent says they aren't crazy or they are mature..it's bye. I have seen kids who were hell raisers in front of their parents and I had no problem with them..the "mature" ones were the ones that liked fire, why was it always fire, idk. But many sitters don't babysit twins for good reason or they hike up the rates for hazard pay.
Load More Replies... Parents parent. Children are children. Period. Dad’s an AH with chutzpah!
20 years old is an adult..she should move out if she doesn't like the arrangement
Load More Replies... Nobody seems to have caught that the father HAD A SPOUSE/PARTNER when his 20 yr old daughter was born. I'll bet that HE DID NONE of the cooking, cleaning or taking care of the daughter while HE was in school and she was young. He's TA because it appears he thinks he doesn't HAVE to do any of the cooking, cleaning, childcare et.al. I was cooking for a family of 5 SIX DAYS A WEEK when I was THIRTEEN because my mom worked nights (and would leave shortly after I got home from school) and my military father wanted dinner ready when HE got home. I did that until I left home ... at eighteen. I predict if he keeps this up he'll need to tell his work he can't stay late and his escapes to his girlfriend get much fewer because his daughter will find someplace else to live. Then he'll threaten her ability to attend college at risk because she refuses to be his live-in maid and nanny.
Totally agree Cat..she should put some distance between herself and her dad. Move out quickly and take care of herself while she is rich and knows everything
Load More Replies... You should set clear days when she needs to babysit her brothers. 2 nights - consistent from week to week- seems reasonable. Then after that you need to buck up and handle it yourself. Paying for her college and giving her a home rent free is very kind and generous. That's a simple request for someone you are fully supporting financially. She is very lucky to have a free ride to college and free rent. That's awesome you can provide that for her.
What a d**k. Not because not giving allowance to his daughter, living rent free is a big bonus. But. Does thr daughter do all the cleaning and cooking? 3 nights every week watching two 5 year olds? What a d**k. Hire a nanny. You are using you daughter as a slave on the premise that she lives rent free. What a d**k. And every parent that tells you "my kids are so well behaved and mature and they don't give any trouble to anyone" are alwsys totallu delucional and have the worst monsters for kids. They are your children, your choise, not your daughter's. Be a man and grow the f**k up.
Semesters are 16 weeks anyway so I personally would compromise considering the requirements for class. Hire a nanny/babysitter for those 16 weeks or risk not getting a refund if the daughter gets dropped for not meeting the study time requirements for class. Once the break occurs (can range from a couple weeks to a couple of months depending on which semester)..babysit but dad is actually on losing side of this.
Load More Replies... I'm betting his version of childcare was shared with his (then) wife. But one baby...twins are another level of childcare altogether. You ARE the a*****e!
Yah like holding down a job and having to do more than what is asked at his home
Load More Replies... Dude is a HUGE AH. Female children don't equal free child care. He is doing HIS JOB by putting HIS KID through college and providing housing (doing so in liu of paying for a dormitory where she WOULDN'T be doing domestic labor and might ACTUALLY HAVE A LIFE like most college students get to have.) She owes him NOTHING. That is literally the job of a parent. SHE didn't have kids so she has ZERO obligation to care for kids. It really is that simple. Also gonna throw it out there that although he sees it reasonable because HE had to take care of a baby (that HE created) I highly doubt he would have expected this service from a son, free or otherwise. The entitlement of this jerk....The rest of the family should step in and get her an apartment so she can be free from domestic servitude and actually enjoy this part of her life.
It isn't a parents job and there is no obligation to pay for everything college related and expenses while in college..if that was the case why are there so many student loans out there.. daughter should just move out and pay for everything if she doesn't like the arrangement.
Load More Replies... DOD I miss it somewhere? Is the mother of the 20 year the same mother of the twins? If not, where's the twins mother?
Those aren't her kids, she shouldn't have to raise them. End of story. Hire a babysitter so she can f*****g study. Don't make your kid parent your other kids.
Watching over children isn't a skill everyone has. It can be stressful for someone who already has many responsibilities. Children are a choice. This guy made that decision to raise his daughter while working and going to school. His daughter doesn't have children and deserves to have more time to herself since she is required to do cleaning and cooking. Cleaning is draining and cooking is a skill as well. She is doing this stuff for FREE but he's not respecting her boundaries. And to claim she doesn't truly belong in the house as his child, that is so wrong and dehumanizing. His daughter is a person. Respect her time instead of complaining that she is lucky over her father.
I hope she goes no contact. It was so much better for my mental health once i stopped even trying to see those kinds of people as parents or anyone worth having in my life. Hope he also realizes why he had to pay for his own nursing home and his kids never visit or let him have "grandparent rights" to just have fun and happy times with her children (or that if the twins tbh) after refusing go grow up and be an actual parent for "his" kids (that he really didn't seem to act or speak like they're his responsibility or even something he wants to bother with at all). I myself was "Mature for my age" so i know that comes directly from abuse. I was also an "oldest daughter" (trabsmasc but if course my family of origin wouldn't acknowledge that). I had to babysit 4 kids constantly including infant twins (in high school i actually did online school so my mom could work at a school and not lose her paycheck to daycare. So 2 kids for 8-12 hours every single day starting at age 14.)
Everyone assumed those twins were secretly mine and i was s**t shamed constantly especially if i took the twins out for lunch or to the park. I had no social life and the few friends i had were mostly guys who assumed i left school to have babies and thus would be sexually available for them (i was as much of a straight edge scardey cat virgin as you could get. I was hyper terrified of ever getting pregnant or letting my guard down) and they'd soon attack and leave me when they found out the truth. Then the two other brothers would come home around 3pn and I'd need to babysit then too until their dad came home around 7pm. My mom frequently wouldn't come home until kicked out of her axboon around 11pm and then have me help her grade papers and set up work booklets for her class. In addition to all that any time i would express feeling overwhelmed, stressed, incapable of the responsibility of all the kids (especially my oldest brother who was extremely violent) i was "bad"
Load More Replies... I feel like he's trying to put pressure on her until she cracks and drops out of college, since he's paying for it. Can't have his free labor doing something as frivolous as getting an education, after all.
If she drops out..he honestly doesn't get a refund on any of it and he will hang it over her head about how she wasted thousands of dollars
Load More Replies... If watching the kids is going beyond the initial agreement, then the dude is TA. If more help is needed, it's best done in advance along side scheduling (like other commenters here said). Be civil and plan ahead. That way both parties respect each other's needs and schedules. Otherwise holding "free rent" over someones head and saying "I did a lot more when I was young" is just immature and rather toxic means of getting control of a situation over another adult.
And yeah, a dad paying the tuition and fees rent is a great gift..but gifts do NOT come strings attached. She's 20 yrs old with no income, she qualifies as a low income for grants (you don't pay those back)..drop dad's free tuition and take grants. Also she can get a job on campus that she can get often for credit and gain experience.. there's even programs like University Enterprises Inc that gives students opportunities in state agencies for credit and pay. She would be required to take a certain amount of credits (12) unless employer agrees to lower as well work 20 hrs a week.
Load More Replies... Let's play by numbers now, 1. One kid versus two kids, with one set of parents and one older sibling. 2. One older sibling as two toddlers surrogate primary caregiver versus one set of 'real' parents. 3. 40ish father with plenty of social life hours versus 20 years old with non existent private moments. By comparison, the numbers are against the daughter. She has to become the 'slave', not only for her siblings, but also for her father. Cooking and cleaning as daily chores because you have to do it anyways. What about bathing, sleeping, feeding, and many other things for the toddlers, while she still have to find times for her studying, coursework, and the father easily left three evenings for fun with girlfriend? Still he has the nerve to say because she lives rent free, then it's okay to do that? Where's the twin's mother? She is the one who has to parent her twin, and as the father, she could be your ex-partner. But never EX-MOTHER(S) to your children.
Ok first being in college and raising a child 20 years ago was objectively easier , not a walk in the park but with housing and inflation crisis of today its a different situation. Second fathers typically have an easier role in the early stages of parent hood especially young fathers and judging on the fact that your seeking someone else to watch your sons 3 days a week seems that was a likely characteristic of yours. Your daughter is a full time student, is expected to clean and cook for a family of four and then be the caretaker for two five year olds for several hours three days a week. What your asking of your daughter is the equivalent of shared custody realistically and she has to just except it because otherwise she'll be adding so much more to her student debt which let's be honest she'll be paying to her dieing day anyway. Yta dude especially since you act like housing your own child should make you father of the year The job doesn't stop at 18.
He should definitely be estranged for parentifying one child openly and then also bragging about the huge red flag of his abusive and negligent wags (which is how "mature for their age" his other children are). Terrible "parent" that could never grow up enough to take responsibility for his own reproduction instead of making it the responsibility and problem of all the women in his life. Good on the kids mom for leaving him long ago. Wish she had taken the child tho and left bin having to figure out how to raise any figure kids he decided to have on his own. Terrible "parent" awful person. Male entitlement and ego at it's finest.
People are wierd. This dad is making a big mistake pointing out how his 20 year old daughter is living rent free in his home and tuition free. If he uses that as reason it may make her get rid of the reason, she may try to work out her tuition and leave home or I guess "not home" since she ought to pay rent to her Dad as though he were just the Lord of the apartment and not her Dad. Alternatively she may put up with this only till she gets done with school and can earn some money for herself and you're automatically creating a rift between yourself and your daughter by not acknowledging her complaint and coming to a compromise.
So, while she was growing up, your plan was to use her as your cook, housekeeper, and nanny? Tell me when she asked you to be here? You, by your actions, chose to have a child, so you get to punish her for being here? Watch your own children! She has none! Don't want to watch your own children? Hire a nanny!
I like the excuse of "I took care of you so you have to take care of your siblings." So, you fathered the one and that makes her responsible for the rest? Just because you were okay raising children while studying doesn't mean that she is.
Typical American thinking! I suffered so shall you suffer. This is why America can't have good healthcare! "Oh I'm not paying for some rando when they're sick! I'm not sick so why should I put out?" OMG! "I ate dirt for dinner so you have to eat garbage to know what I suffered through!" WTF again??? Break the chain you a*****e! Own the Libs... go ahead and downvote this...
All these people dumping on this young woman, I have a few questions: Did she ask to be here? Was he an adult when he became a father? And did he understand the responsibilities of the position? If he wasn't an adult, why didn't he pay attention in biology class to know that if you play it's very possible that you'll have to pay? So, now that she's here she's to pay for his decisions? Helping out is that... helping out. But, the way OP wrote this thing, she's not expected to 'help out' she's essentially to be the housekeeper and nanny. So, if you want to split hairs, she has two full time jobs, plus school.
So dad and the ex had ONE kid to raise. She has TWO kids to care for by herself. Dad needs a huge reality check! Perhaps his “girlfriend” should step up and watch the kids instead of having alone time.
This guy is a piece of work. He chose to have his daughter, so too bad he had to work and go to school while she was little. He also chose to have more kids. She did not. He is being selfish. Let her finish school and do well. If she didn’t live there he would be doing all the housework, cooking, and paying a babysitter so he could go have girlfriend time. He’s an adult who made choices. His 20 year old shouldn’t have to pick up his slack.
Work related … free babysitting since it helps pay for her college Seeing girlfriend….pay her
Haha. What a douche. When he was going to school the ex was around. Who do you think looked after the girl? Not this AH. Ugh. Repulsive. No contact is coming up.
Yta. Simply put. They are your kids. My mom was forced into this situation when she was younger and never forgave her parents.
YTA!!! This girl is not entitled! She needs a roof over her head while she goes to college and OP is using this fact to turn her into his servant. She is not even complaining about doing it. The amount is overwhelming her. BTW OP, having a job to support your own children while going to school is NOT the same as making your 20 year old daughter cook, clean and care for your children while she goes to school. I'm guessing she is paying her own way or you would be adding that to her IOU as well. This girl is going to take that degree and run! Shame on you.
Omg! Rent free and tuition free.... Ummmm duh! You are still the parent of this 20 year old and it is your responsibility to pay for her rent and tuition while this child is studying. You make it sound like your daughter is a free loader. I would understand if you obligated her to pay utilities and rent if she had a full time job and was not studying. Do you even respect HER time. You say you need a break to be with your girlfriend??? Then hire a babysitter! Your daughter also needs a break you know! And don't tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about. I have a 19 year old son who is also still studying. He still has his monthly allowance and as this guy would put it, "living rent free" he does have his chores and must learn to balance it out with his study time. BUT I don't obligate him to babysit his younger siblings because I am the parent and these kids are my responsibility and not my adult son's. I make it a point to ask my son if he could babysit. It's not an automatic th
The boys have school Monday- friday assuming 8-3 are you working nights and shes having to keep them til you get off work? Is she watching them Saturday and Sunday? She shouldn't have to watch them for you to go on a date.and if she gets up early to go to college if watching them at night can be exhausting...I'm not saying never watch them .cause it's ok that she does.as far as chores..boys can pick up after themselves. You can help with chores especially your own space.shes not the only one who lives there and cleaning is teamwork..maybe fix a cleaning chart who does what on certain days..and listen to your daughter better to talk it out than fight about it..wouldn't hurt you to give her spending money for the fact shes not working..also make sure she has breathing time also...it can be worked out if you try...why cant your gf watch the boys when your daughter has plans..or is she not good enough? Theres all kinds of options...
He says he went to college, paid bills and took care of her with his ex when he young.. it's still not the same because he had his ex-wife there to help (I'm going to just assume she did most of the child rearing) and it was one child. He is asking her to take care of two children with no help. Plus we also don't know what her course load is compared to what his was. Was he a full time (14 credit+) or was he part time, what is she studying? Those circumstances can drastically change how much stress she is under even if she doesn't have a job.
The "I had to struggle so now you should" is an awful thought process, especially when it comes to your own kids
I would of been really grateful for my parents if they could pay my tuition while I went to school let alone tuition, and room and bored. But with that said not everyone is parent material as this guy should know he seems to have had at least 2 women in his life that found out the hard way. In addition it's far more stressful to babysit then to raise your own child. Your dealing with the stress of the kids parents and the kids themselves. Those in my life who raised boys and girls always say the same thing girls are easier then boys. I feel this is even more amplified for people who are not their parents and don't have the authority that the parents do. So overall TLDR they are both needing more communication and understanding of each other there are too many things that could affect this not just the surface level things
YTA!! You need to go out with your girlfriend 3 times a week?? Then you and your girlfriend had no business having kids. It is your job to raise those kids NOT your daughters. Grow up!
Where is the twins mother? Why can't she watch them? It is not the daughter responsibility, it is his. She is not freeloading, she is working hard at home and on her education. Dad you're wrong
Let me put in how much study time you are required for college-10 hrs per week outside of class per class. Each class can be a minimum of 2 hrs. So if she says that watching kids is too much and taking away from studying.. listen. You can get dropped from not putting in enough hrs of study time and if she gets dropped in the middle of semester by the professor-dad looses the refund..he would be far more upset.
Almost sounds like dad is resentful that she was born and he had to work and go to college. So, making her 'pay' for the choice you made to get your ex pregnant is okay? And now you have twins that 'you need a break from' and so your daughter is now the pseudo mom? Zip it up, flyboy - making babies is not the same as being a parent.
Sounds like a compromise. Charge her for rent and make her pay her own tuition. Next, hire a babysitter and make the daughter no longer responsible for the cooking/cleaning/etc but have her do just her own cooking/cleaning. Edit: Could also not charge her rent but make her pay for her own tuition. Parents don't have to pay their kids tuition, it's a great way to support them however she's 20, thats definitely old enough to start paying your own tuition. If she can't afford it she can go get a job and save up for college if it's too much for her to work full time and do college
YTA do you want to set your daughter to fall at college? If she says it affecting her studies then it is, also babysitting 3 times a week is not occasional, that is shared parenting and they are not her children. As for the cooking and cleaning, do you have no time to do your own housework.. . Remember your kids not hers. Basically find a babysitter so your daughter can concentrate on her studies and stop holding her tuition and housing over her head. That is bordering on financial abuse.
I ran away from home when I was 12, because I was sick and tired of being a full-time Nanny to my brother & 2 sisters. Not only did I go to school (obvs.), I had to cook, clean, check homework, etc. every night. Friday & Saturday my single Mom went "out" and left me with the 3 of them, usually until well after midnight. I played soccer and was in the speech & debate club and told her point blank that I was tired of raising HER kids, so I left. I got put in juvenile detention (for running away) and made to go to therapy, where my Mom didn't come off so well. I realized she was a single parent, but I WASN'T. We've long since made peace, but I totally get where this girl is coming from. Dad needs to get a babysitter and leave big sis to her OWN life. Helping out around the house is just a given if you live there, being responsible for 5 y/o twins is SO NOT.
Pay rent? The kids. Why does the kid have to pay rent. Her job should be study, get a career so she can find a job and have her own place. I don't get this parents that expect the kids to pay rent. By the way i think education is part of the responsibilities of a parent too. You choose to have kids now do your job. Not only talking about the twins your daughter needs a dad too.
Sorry but your kids, your responsibility. She helps around the house which is reasonable but she is not responsible for your children so you can “hang out” with your girlfriend. Get a sitter. You had the children, she is certainly not responsible for their care, you are. I’m sick of these parents who think because they had children the older ones should be happy to care for them. Once in a while fine but 3x a week, good grief. YA a great big A.
He probably left his wife at home alone to take care of the kids when he "needed a break" 3 or so times a week, which is probably why she is his ex. Now he is using his daughter as a surrogate wife and expects her to be okay with it when the woman who actually chose to have kids with him wasn't.
Definitely NTA! Daughter is not doing “all the cleaning and cooking”’ she is doing “basic chores”. And since when is babysitting for 2 well-behaved 5 year old kids for 2 hours 3 times a week “raising the children”. Do the math. That equals 6 hours a week. So sorry this entitled daughter finds that to be too stressful and doesn’t want to do it. The daughter is over 18. She is an adult, old enough to be living on her own, working at a job to pay her rent, food, utilities and do her own cooking and chores. Dad paying for her college tuition and allowing her to continue to live at home rent free is a gift, not an obligation. Asking her to do some basic household chores, some cooking and 6 measly hours of babysitting in return sounds more than fair to me. Dad could a hire a nanny and let her move out and pay her own tuition, just like many other 18 year olds get asked to do by their parents. Daughter doesn’t realize how good she has it. She should be grateful and stop whining.
You don't have kids to babysit the other ones you might have so no matter the age of the eldest if they don't want to you shouldn't guilt or force them to watch the others. They aren't your built in babysitter. OP had the moms help and from the sounds of it the mom did most of the work.
NTA kick her out stop paying tuition. Sounds like white privilege to me. I didn't get a car or free housing after 18 and sure didn't have my college paid for me by my parents. I got the opportunity from my job moving to mexico. I jumped through all the hoops and obligations of the federal government to keep that funding. Life is hard and is getting harder. Privilege is being taken from all people not born millionairs. So giving her everything is teaching her nothing about this cruel heartless world that will stab her for her hair and eye color to the shoes on her feet. Good job daddy. You are also teaching g her how to care for children while doing all those things. And if she succeeds she will be so further ahead of all these coddled spoiled brats who thinks we should stop and give them money for waisting space on this earth. We learn what we can do in this world not by privilege but by succeeding in rhe face of adversity, and she will be stronger, more confident, and happier.
I see so many a**holes here, starting with the authors of this piece trying to sensationalize this, talking about child parentification. The daughter is 20 years old, no one is stealing her childhood. A 20 year is not a child. But yeah, the dad is definitely being an a**hole. His daughter is telling him that she is struggling, and his response is good, I struggled, you should struggle. Who does that? Have a conversation with her. Figure out an arrangement that can work for both of you.
If my parents had paid for my college and all I had to do was babysit three times a week I would be over the moon. Maybe he should stop paying for tuition and she can take out loans, and he can use that money for a living nanny. He can still let her live at the house rent free, but then they will both be happy. That's actually the perfect compromise.
Okay, 5 years old usually means kindergarten here in the states. So for a few hours when they get home from school, not 3 whole days a week. She should expect chores if she's still living with him and going to school on his dime. If she doesn't like that she always has the option to move out. It's his house, his rules, not societies rules and certainly not hers.
I think she should pay rent or stick to the arrangement her father has set.She living rent (food includied) free and her father is paying for her tuition. There are a lot of young students out there paying rent and their expensive, which mean they are working as well. There students who are paying their way through college. She 20 not 16. His sister can offer to babysit, if she so concerned.
As someone who is 8,10 and 13years older than her siblings I can understand that you have your own life and things to do but because I watched my siblings when they were kids I'm also very close to them and I got to watch them become the people they are today. College is very taxing and it takes everything you have if you aren't a good student but if the boys are as behaved as the op says she should be able to handle getting them a snack and juice and letting them watch t.v or play in their room till dad gets home. Bed time isn't that difficult either. Sounds like she doesn't want to and probably isn't interested in kids generally. Hire a sitter save yourself the headache.
Sounds to me like she's a typical "only child" because there's 15 years between his daughter and her siblings. They tend to be and react spoiled sometimes selfishly. Her willingness to cook and clean is awesome! Reduce your expectations from her to one night a week, call it date night and always ask if she's available first. Always thank her. The other two nights ask a friend if they can go sit with the boys and your house because you're working late or whatever. 3 hours isn't that taxing. Make sure whomever does agree to watch them has a clear understanding of whether its a paying gig or not. Do teenagers (13-15)still babysit for extra cash besides their allowance? I'd ask a trusted good friend with a young teenager to watch them. Good luck.
Start charging your adult daughter rent portion of bills. Stop enabling your daughter. Use the money to pay for a babysitter those few days a week. If she wants to be an adult treat her as one and not a babysitter or nanny. It's time for her to start taking on her responsibilities of life
Sounds like he is the one that needs to start taking care of his responsibilities instead of passing them off to his daughter. She's not even saying that she doesn't want to do anything; she's fine continuing the cooking and cleaning, but watching the kids as much as she does is interfering with school.
Load More Replies... I could understand her helping and watching the boys for maybe a couple hours during the week here and there if he's coming home from work, or if he needs to go to the store and leave them home or something like that. His money is paying the bills and food, etc. But, if he needs a break and goes out with his girlfriend its only fair to hire a babysitter or something so she can get a break too and have time to study and go out as well. Sounds like she's just as busy as he is.
Is dad divorced or widower? Is there another ex around? If the twins mother is in the picture is she able to watch the kids? I don't think dad is a bad person but if adult daughter isn't up to babysit on a consistent basis she probably wouldn't mind occasionally when prearranged. She is cooking and cleaning too, chores are healthy and she doesn't mind that. But, why doesn't dad hire an au pair? They will fill in the domestic/child care needs. Then the daughter can get a part-time job because au-pair pay would come out of her available college money. There has to be give and take by everyone living in the home. Personally I've never felt is was right for parents to foot 100% of college expenses but it's also not right for an older sibling to be a SAHM either when it isn't their kids.
TBH, it’s not right for college to cost so f*****g much in the first place. But that’s not the issue. Even if college was cheap, this a*****e of a dad would still act like he was some kind of major philanthropist by letting his kid live at home while in college—-and probably a state college with even cheaper tuition than a private school.
Load More Replies... Hmmm. Yes, he's TA since he's expecting her to behave like his wife and not his daughter. I see many options here however, he could hire a maid, a nanny or a babysitter OR she can move in with her mother and not have to deal with daddy at all. Adult children living rent free with a full ride college education unfortunately is not the norm in this country, if it was, perhaps he'd have a clue or buy a vowel. Plenty of people, myself included, paid their way through college as single adult parents working full time jobs. He's TA but she's entitled. As a parent of adult children (38m, 31f,29f) I find the younger generation to be completely entitled. I feel that that's what you get when you hand out trophies for simply showing up, you set them up for failure in the real world.
She chooses to stay there, though, so it it's a better deal for her than living and working for herself. She's 20, so her father isn't any more responsible for her than she is for him. Seems like he is doing her a favor, so shouldn't she do him one too?
I think everyone saying "YTA" are hyperbolizing the small amount of information on exactly 'how much' she is responsible for doing. The way it's worded makes it sound like she really doesn't have an overwhelming amount of work, and a few hours, about 3 times a week, is not bad for babysitting, but it certainly would hinder her schoolwork at home if the kids need constant supervision. The fact alone that she is rent and tuition free (being the daughter and living in his house, and tuition payed for by her father), I believe puts the father in the right. If the daughter had a job on top of school, then it would be a little more debatable, but there was no mention of that. Overall, I believe we don't have all of the specifics to make a full conclusion, but, at least with the information given, I believe he is NTA.
everyone is failing to mention he's paying her tuition for college... nvm not having to go find a place and pay rent. why do kids act so entitled these days? like they should get everything handed to them for free and do nothing for it? if her dad wasn't paying her tuition and letting her live there still how much more stress would she be under? not having food or money or time cause she's having to work full time plus go to school etc. geez. look at it from a different perspective. he does not have to do any of that for her. maybe you all had it different growing up and you got everything handed to you so you expect every parent to do the same... lol
I side with the Dad here. I watched my younger brother growing up and am currently raising a six year old and an infant. At five years old kids dont take that much effort to watch for a few hours. Just bring in your books or laptop to the family room. Then let the kids play while you do your work, and keep an ear on the boys. Look up now and again to check on them. My kids have a play corner where it's easy to keep an eye on them. Life takes work, even if you don't have kids you still have to hold down a job, pay bills, and do all of the cleaning and chores, plus take care of pets if you have them. When you are a part of a family you have to be a part of that family, that means you have to interact with them and help and support them, not just expect them to help and support you. Life is give and take, and does not revolve around any one person. You get out of life what you put into it. Live only for yourself, when things go bad all you will have left is yourself.
I have an idea. How about he just charges her rent and utilities. And she can pay for her college. Can't afford it? Well she could get a job outside of the house and take away from her studies as well. And go in debt from student loans. Or this is crazy get her own place and do as she wishes as she pays for it. Crazy idea. Dad could hire a nanny and come out ahead. Or she could take a step back and realize that even with watching her brothers 3 times a week it is still a pretty good deal for her. So SHE can whatever social life SHE can afford living on her own and paying for everything.
The father is right and the daughter is a spoiled brat. Start charging her rent and let her see what reality is really like or better yet make her pay for her own education and reality will set in quickly for that spoiled little brat. Watching her own brothers 3 days a week for a few hours is a small price to pay for the luxury of living rent free at home and being tuition free. She needs to suck it up and stop acting like a spoiled brat.
Did everyone miss that he is paying her bills and FOR COLLEGE!?? A babysitter would be much cheaper than providing an education and safe comfortable living environment. Again she is an adult living rent free and doesn't have to work, but yet she thinks babysitting 3 times a week and basic everyday chores is too much with school? How is she going to handle being an adult with a boss who will give her tasks she doesn't like during a normal full time work week? Plus she will have to do the same if not more if she moves out by herself? And if he is a single dad supporting 3 kids and affording her college than odds are she's living in a much nicer accommodation than if she lived on campus or worked and paid herself. She is spoiled and he needs to stay with it to help start transitioning her into the real world.
Thats the trouble with these kids today, they dont want to do s**t, or they cant do s**t. We are leaving the world to these lazy asses who spend most of the time with their noses buried in their phones. She is living rent free, college paid for. It wont kill her to watch her brothers, when and if she gets knocked up, she will expect "Grandpa or lil Uncles" to watch her kid while she goes out with her friends. NTA
Watching her brothers 15 hours a week on top of cooking and cleaning is a part time job. Full time college is minimum 18 hours of class time and meant to be 3x that in our of class work (maybe more now, I've been out of college for the better part of a decade). I worked full time at a job I loathed (but it had flexible hours, nevermind I wanted to drive into a tree literally every day), took a 21hr course load, and occasionally (I actually mean it, like twice a month, not three times a week) babysat my foster siblings. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I'll be frank, your comment sounds like you just hate young people, especially young women with the "when she gets knocked up" comment. Maybe you're just wildly out of touch with what higher education is like these days.
Load More Replies... Dear Bored Panda and please cease and desist with these posts about people have people problem! I already have enough of my own and I don't want or see anyone else's.
No one is forcing you to read these articles. Just scroll past them.
Load More Replies... So when I turned 16 my mom told me to get a job and give her half as rent. This was the 80s. I would go to school. Go home and do homework. Go to work. Come home and finish home work. Go to bed. Get up and repeat. I've always paid my way. He's giving her a roof. A place to live without rent. She's and adult who can work too. He's paying for her schooling. I would have had to if I was able to go to college but I couldn't afford it and my parents wouldn't pay for it. I didn't have a car. I took the bus or train. I watched my sister. I cleaned the house. Chores. I did my laundry. Chores. But I paid SOMETHING to the house bills. If she can't work then watching the kids should be enough. He needs to write a schedule out so if he's out she knows she's got the boys. She needs to write one out too with her schooling and if she wants free time. I'm sure he cleans around the house or grocery shops and does some chores too. Consider them roommates but he pays. And if she don't like it she can go
And I'm sorry you had to suffer. My life wasn't that easy either. But as adults who understand that children need to be loved, cared for and nurtured we need to do better for them. And I don't know about you, but I certainly could have done with some kindness at 20 years of age.
Load More Replies... What she is going to do then? Grants because she qualifies as low income because she's 20. Get work with a state agency that requires 12 credits with 20 hrs with benefits. That will be enough to pay for a room and food. You can get gas from the commute program from school or work. And Dad will be crying about how she owes him for the thousands he paid in previous semesters and that his free child care is gone.
Load More Replies... Then HE loses the investment of thousands of dollars..and she will qualify for grants as a low income student (grants you don't pay back)..also gifts don't come strings attached.
Load More Replies... And Dad would be upset he lost free child care and thousands of dollars (daughter doesn't to pay him back legally)
Load More Replies... Maybe you should calculate how much she would earn by babysitting 3 times a week for about 6 hrs x 20, it is minimum you have to pay for babysitter, it is 360 per week plus cleaning and cooking, cleaner charges you also around 20 per hr and if she is doing that in daily basis so multiple that by 7 days for 2 hrs that’s 280 per week so she could earn 640 per week. I think that is more than enough to pay per room of her own and pay her tuition
Load More Replies... The daughter is a nanny, they clean, and care for children with having a college education. Nannies also charge per child per hr. She leaves, he's going to go through the real headache of finding a babysitter for twins (many won't), and daughter is under no legal obligation to pay dad back so he literally lost thousands. She however can go to school on grants as well get credit for her major with working 20 hrs a week with pay along with benefits that include a commute program. She would be fine, his weekly date nights won't
Load More Replies... Chores are one thing, but all the babysitting is different (in my opinion). He said his daughter is fine with the chores, it's just all the babysitting that's the issue. I'm more than twice the daughter's age, and if I had to babysit twin 5-year-olds three days (or more) per week, I would lose my mind.
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