Dad Asks If He’s A Jerk For Teaching Daughter A Lesson Of Respect To His New Wife And Kid By Refusing To Pay For Her College
Whenever it comes to “soap operas”, people often criticize them. Sometimes quite deservedly, sometimes not so much, but the main factor of the accusation is most often the completely implausible plot twists of these TV shows.
On the one hand, just put yourself in the shoes of showrunners and writers who, day after day, have to come up with new twists to not only surprise the viewer, but also effectively compete with numerous competitors. On the other hand, real life sometimes throws us stories that no screenwriter can come up with.
Just look at this tale on the AITA Reddit community, which has all the elements of a true “soap opera” – and yet it is completely real! The original post, by the way, has almost 17K upvotes so far and over 7.1K various comments. Perhaps, weighty arguments to read through!
More info: Reddit
The Original Poster and his wife got divorced when their daughter was 2 Y.O. as she was texting other men
Image credits: Artiom Beliaikin (not the actual image )
So the Original Poster is now just under 40, and the daughter from his first marriage is 19 and just started college. The OP and his ex-wife Lauren got married at a very young age, and when their daughter Ariel was born, they faced a lot of problems, but tried to stick together.
Image credits: u/torridpa
After several years, the OP married his wife’s friend and they have a son
When the girl was two years old, Lauren’s friend, Tori, told the OP that his wife was actively texting other men. The OP checked her phone and found out it was true. After a family scandal, the husband demanded a divorce, and although Lauren offered to reconcile, they still broke up. The custody was split, although the father-in-law even offered the OP money so that he would refuse.
Image credits: u/torridpa
It is still unknown what led Tori when she told her friend’s husband about this texting, but two years later she and the OP started dating, and two years later they got married. The OP and Tori’s son is now 13, but the problem is that, according to the OP, the ex-wife has tried to make his life a living hell.
Image credits: u/torridpa
The problem is the OP’s daughter doesn’t want to communicate with his new family anyway
As the OP himself says, Lauren badmouthed him and Tori in the eyes of her daughter, claiming that he cheated on her with her own friend, resulting in the birth of Ariel’s half-brother – although elementary arithmetic proves otherwise. As a result, the girl, although she communicated normally with her father, flatly refused to perceive her stepmother and half-brother in any way.
Image credits: Tony Alter (not the actual image )
On the days when the girl came to the OP’s house, she ignored any attempts by Tori and her half-brother to strike up a conversation with her, and simply went to her room. After many years of fruitless attempts, they gave up. The father also gave up, although, according to him, he spent thousands on psychotherapy.
Image credits: u/torridpa
The OP decided to punish his daughter for ignoring his wife and son and refused to pay for her college
And then the moment came when Ariel went to college. For the first semester, as the parents initially agreed, the mother paid, but the father had to pay for the second one. But after another demarche from his daughter, in his own words, he could not stand it and refused to pay.
Image credits: u/torridpa
As the man himself admitted, he does not want to take money out of his household if his daughter has been ignoring two thirds of his family for many years. Lauren called the OP a jerk on the phone, and then Ariel called him the same. The father said that he had paid child support for many years, and that the daughter should consider a student loan if she won’t make an attempt to reconcile with his family.
Image credits: u/torridpa
The OP’s wife backed him but other relatives criticized the man heavily
According to the OP, his wife supported him, although all the other relatives refused to, and some even criticized him heavily. So the man just decided to take it online to find out what netizens think about this situation.
Image credits: u/torridpa
Image credits: 401(K) 2012 (not the actual image )
The commenters’ opinions on this situation split
We must say that the opinions of redditors in this situation were split. Some believe that the OP is completely innocent of anything, but simply the daughter does not respect him, because her mother turned her against her father and his new family. In this case, commenters simply advise the man not to be too categorical.
As for the other people in the comments, they can’t help but point out that it was very unwise for the OP to marry Tori – even if some time after his divorce. As a result, it was the OP’s actions that largely predetermined the response of Lauren and his daughter, so now the man needs to decide something – and it is far from certain that refusing to fund his daughter’s college is a really good decision.
Perhaps your opinions will be split too as to who is right and who is wrong in this particular story. In any case, be sure to write in the comments what you think about it, and how, in your opinion, the Original Poster should act now.
I find it interesting how no one has pointed out that this guy has slipped numerous times that he doesn't even consider his daughter his family? He keeps saying " my family " about his wife and new child and excluding his daughter from that title in an uncomfortably obvious way. Why on earth would your child show any modicum of respect to your" new family" when you purposely exclude them from it? Good lord, he couldn't even hide this fact in a simple forum while trying to convince us he was the good guy? Wtf? Aside from the obvious red flags of the ENTIRE Toni situation, the way he talks about people, and the obvious fact that his ex couldn't have made his child think these things if he had ONLY shown her a reason not to is the issue that he is just trying to justify letting go of his kid. Your kids, ALL OF THEM, come first. PERIOD. You care for them and honor your word or you leave and have the common decency to not act like the victim. I'd love to the other sides of this story
Assuming the facts we have are correct. Remember that this is after the fact, which assuming what he wrote is true, means that this is after years of trying to get her to join the family only to have her spit in his face each time. She is the one who originally refused to be a part of his family initially even after him having talked to her/gone to family therapy about it. Ultimately the ultimatum of come over and have some civil family dinners shouldn't be that big an ask. And no, being a parent does not mean allowing your child to be consistently uncivil and impolite without recourse.
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The timing of his ultimatum is the biggest a****le move (in a huge clusterfudge of a situation). College planning starts years before graduation. This would have made more sense for him to do a few years ago. But pulling the rug out from under her financially at the last minute makes him the a** in this situation.
He may have been holding out hope that she'd get better?
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Might get downvoted, but I think the ultimatum is justified. You treat me and my family with respect, and I’ll pay your college. That being said, it was wrong to wait until the last minute to back out
I agree that requiring respect is justified, but requiring an attempt at a relationship isn't, they aren't her family, she didn't get any say in her dad's relationship with them, it's unfair to try and force a relationship. However, I still think he's mostly in the right, that she shouldn't expect money from someone she treats so badly, although it was late to spring that on her. I also think the mom should've been the main target of the ultimatum rather than the daughter, but the daughter still does need to be part of it
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I find it interesting how no one has pointed out that this guy has slipped numerous times that he doesn't even consider his daughter his family? He keeps saying " my family " about his wife and new child and excluding his daughter from that title in an uncomfortably obvious way. Why on earth would your child show any modicum of respect to your" new family" when you purposely exclude them from it? Good lord, he couldn't even hide this fact in a simple forum while trying to convince us he was the good guy? Wtf? Aside from the obvious red flags of the ENTIRE Toni situation, the way he talks about people, and the obvious fact that his ex couldn't have made his child think these things if he had ONLY shown her a reason not to is the issue that he is just trying to justify letting go of his kid. Your kids, ALL OF THEM, come first. PERIOD. You care for them and honor your word or you leave and have the common decency to not act like the victim. I'd love to the other sides of this story
Assuming the facts we have are correct. Remember that this is after the fact, which assuming what he wrote is true, means that this is after years of trying to get her to join the family only to have her spit in his face each time. She is the one who originally refused to be a part of his family initially even after him having talked to her/gone to family therapy about it. Ultimately the ultimatum of come over and have some civil family dinners shouldn't be that big an ask. And no, being a parent does not mean allowing your child to be consistently uncivil and impolite without recourse.
Load More Replies... The timing of his ultimatum is the biggest a****le move (in a huge clusterfudge of a situation). College planning starts years before graduation. This would have made more sense for him to do a few years ago. But pulling the rug out from under her financially at the last minute makes him the a** in this situation.
He may have been holding out hope that she'd get better?
Load More Replies... Might get downvoted, but I think the ultimatum is justified. You treat me and my family with respect, and I’ll pay your college. That being said, it was wrong to wait until the last minute to back out
I agree that requiring respect is justified, but requiring an attempt at a relationship isn't, they aren't her family, she didn't get any say in her dad's relationship with them, it's unfair to try and force a relationship. However, I still think he's mostly in the right, that she shouldn't expect money from someone she treats so badly, although it was late to spring that on her. I also think the mom should've been the main target of the ultimatum rather than the daughter, but the daughter still does need to be part of it
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