Man Contacts Ex Asking Her To Reconsider After She Refused To Change Her Surname When His New Wife Demanded Her To Do So
Whether you’re those high school sweethearts who’ve been together for what seems like an eternity, a couple with kids, or someone who’s been in a relationship for only a few months – breakups are never easy.
When there’re no obligations involved, it can be hard to accept the idea that you’re now going to have to build a new life; yet you know that sooner or later, you’ll be able to concentrate on your “grief” and focus on your own happiness to help yourself move on. However, when you have a family and you decide to separate, this is where things can get pretty challenging.
The majority will agree that maintaining a healthy relationship for the sake of your children is the number-one priority for those who choose to co-parent. Yet, it also means that you will eventually have to communicate with your ex’s new partner, and chances are that most of the time, you’ll wish you didn’t have to.
More info: Reddit
Just because you’re trying to maintain a healthy relationship with your ex, it doesn’t mean that their new partner is willing to do the same
Image source: Petra Mafalda (not the actual photo)
“AITA for not changing my name?” – this online user turned to one of Reddit’s popular communities wondering whether she was wrong for refusing to change her current surname to her maiden name after her ex-husband’s new wife demanded her to. The post has managed to receive 5.5K upvotes and 797 comments discussing the situation.
This man’s wife demands his ex change her surname, she refuses and wonders if she’s a jerk
Image source: namechangethrowaway0
The author began her story by revealing that she and her ex-partner got divorced 12 years ago; together they have two children and share custody. The woman said that they have a great co-parenting relationship and have had zero issues since the divorce.
Five years ago, her ex met his now wife, and they got along pretty well. She’s a wonderful stepmother to the children and treats them like they’re her own.
The spouses got divorced over a decade ago and are currently co-parenting
Image source: namechangethrowaway0
The OP, on the other hand, has remained single by choice, as she spends most of her time working or taking care of her kids; although she added that she dates occasionally, she never looks for anything serious.
Now, her ex and his new partner got married a couple of weeks ago and the author was pumped for them, thinking it was fantastic that they’d finally made it official.
Once the couple made their relationship official, the man’s new wife texted his ex, asking her to go back to her maiden name
Image source: namechangethrowaway0
However, recently she received a questionable text message from her ex’s wife. The woman said that since they’ve tied the knot, it’s probably the right time for the OP to change her surname, as there can only be one Mrs. (the guy’s last name).
Naturally, the author replied saying that she was a tad confused by this peculiar request, yet the new partner stood her ground.
The OP said that she and her ex agreed that changing her surname would cost a lot of nerves, so they decided that she would keep it
The woman later received a call from her ex-husband, wondering why his wife was upset
Image source: namechangethrowaway0
The author said that she and her ex-spouse have been divorced for over 12 years, and the reason she didn’t change the name was due to all the certificates and licenses. Updating the documents is a huge hassle, and the former partners agreed that she would keep his surname to avoid all the stress of having to do that.
Once again, the new wife wouldn’t back off and demanded the woman change the name immediately.
The OP decided not to respond to the last text – however, a few minutes later, her ex-husband reached out, wondering why his wife was upset. The OP sent him the screenshots of the texts and told him that the conversation was highly immature. The man suggested that maybe she should change her name so he wouldn’t have to deal with the drama. The author refused once again, reminding him that they’d agreed that she’d keep it while they were processing their divorce.
The guy said that she was making his life “difficult” and that he wished she would reconsider
Image source: namechangethrowaway0
The woman then added that she has zero romantic feelings for him and that the reason she’s maintaining a good relationship is purely because of their children. She told her ex that they are their priority and that they need to get along to raise them well – moreover, changing her name won’t change the fact that she’s still his ex-wife.
The man said that she was “making his life difficult” and that he wished she would reconsider.
Moreover, at the time the post was uploaded, the courts were only hearing emergent matters
Image source: namechangethrowaway0
Sometime later, the author decided to update the post. She said that the fact that she and her children share the same surname also plays a big role, plus she’d have to have a formal court hearing with a judge and have a signed and sealed decree to then change it at the DMV and social security.
Since the post was uploaded in the midst of the pandemic, the OP mentioned that the courts were closed for obvious reasons and were only hearing critical matters. Also, the process is bound to be financially burdening, so it made sense why she didn’t want to go through it.
Image source: namechangethrowaway0
Image source: Rex Roof (not the actual photo)
Lastly, for everyone who was curious, she said that the reason for the divorce was infidelity. She was working multiple jobs while also putting herself through school, and the man felt “ignored” and decided to cheat.
Fellow Reddit users shared their opinions on this matter
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Who does she think she is, the Highlander? "There can be only one!"?? I think the OP is doing extraordinarily well by the ex, especially considering he cheated on her. She could be MUCH meaner and more vindictive.
I agree with you! I'd also like to add this question.......Is the ex, and his family, the ONLY people in the world with his surname?? For all the world knows, her current surname IS her maiden name. More so, no one asks the history of your surname, i.e., is that your maiden name, your ex's (?) surname, etc. My last name is Smith. I was widowed in 2000 after 14 years of marriage. Deceased husband was very emotionally and sexually abusive toward me, unbeknownst to ANY one except for one person. Had he not died from cancer, we would be divorced. I, like the OP, would've, and did, keep the "Smith" name because of professional credentials, whether we parted through divorce or death. It's such a common name that I don't care. I only on rare occasions think of him when I sign my last name. OP should ignore new wife and ex, when this is brought up. It's THEIR problem, NOT hers!! I'm sorry my post was so long! Please forgive my venting!
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If ex husband's mom is still alive, she'd need to change her name too! Because after all, there can only be one Mrs. (Ex's last name).
What about the wives of his brothers if he has any? Did they get the ultimatum as well?
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It's funny I didn't take my husband's last name (he didn't care), I already had/have my own. My husband's ex kept his last name. They married in their mid twenties. She built her professional self with that name. It makes so much sense that she'd want/need to keep it. Sometimes, we joke about me not having his last name and her still having it. It seems like a whole lotta work to be upset about any of it.
My friend has been married 3 times, his ex wives and current wife use his last name (a bit of an unusual surname even), zero issues among them!
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Who does she think she is, the Highlander? "There can be only one!"?? I think the OP is doing extraordinarily well by the ex, especially considering he cheated on her. She could be MUCH meaner and more vindictive.
I agree with you! I'd also like to add this question.......Is the ex, and his family, the ONLY people in the world with his surname?? For all the world knows, her current surname IS her maiden name. More so, no one asks the history of your surname, i.e., is that your maiden name, your ex's (?) surname, etc. My last name is Smith. I was widowed in 2000 after 14 years of marriage. Deceased husband was very emotionally and sexually abusive toward me, unbeknownst to ANY one except for one person. Had he not died from cancer, we would be divorced. I, like the OP, would've, and did, keep the "Smith" name because of professional credentials, whether we parted through divorce or death. It's such a common name that I don't care. I only on rare occasions think of him when I sign my last name. OP should ignore new wife and ex, when this is brought up. It's THEIR problem, NOT hers!! I'm sorry my post was so long! Please forgive my venting!
Load More Replies... If ex husband's mom is still alive, she'd need to change her name too! Because after all, there can only be one Mrs. (Ex's last name).
What about the wives of his brothers if he has any? Did they get the ultimatum as well?
Load More Replies... It's funny I didn't take my husband's last name (he didn't care), I already had/have my own. My husband's ex kept his last name. They married in their mid twenties. She built her professional self with that name. It makes so much sense that she'd want/need to keep it. Sometimes, we joke about me not having his last name and her still having it. It seems like a whole lotta work to be upset about any of it.
My friend has been married 3 times, his ex wives and current wife use his last name (a bit of an unusual surname even), zero issues among them!
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