Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
3.2K
Daughter Of Narcissistic And Toxic Mother Shares What Christmas Gifts She’s Returned Over The Years
Interview
Imagine it’s Christmas and everyone in your family is up at the crack of dawn because they can’t wait to see what presents Santa and their loved ones got them. Everyone’s smiling, laughing, and enjoying their gifts, as well as the fact that they’ve brought a little bit of happiness and warmth into the lives of the people they care about most. That’s how things should be. Unfortunately, it’s not always the case.
Even though we assume that our parents will always be happy with whatever gifts we get them (or at least be diplomatic enough to focus on the act of giving even if the present isn’t what they wanted), this isn’t always how things happen. Coach Tijana Daly created a massively popular 2-minute TikTok video where she listed all the times that her mom rejected her Xmas gifts and why.
Her video went viral instantly because it touched on the topic of toxic parenting and how not every parent is as heartwarmingly supportive and kind as we expect them to be. Scroll down for the full video and to read about what happened.
Certified personal trainer Tijana answered a few of my questions about her video and gave some spot-on advice for those of you Pandas who might be going through something just like she was.
“I never in my wildest dreams expect it to blow up so much,” Tijana told Bored Panda that she had no idea her video would go viral. According to her, the reason for her TikTok’s popularity is that “many people, unfortunately, shared this experience of having their mom give back their gifts.” She said: “Christmastime brings back a lot of these buried memories and I’m sure my TikTok reignited that.” Scroll down to read the rest of Bored Panda’s interview with her.
More info: TikTok | Instagram | Facebook | DalyDoseOfHealth.com
RELATED:
Coach Tijana spoke about all the gifts her narcissistic mom has given back in a viral TikTok video. You can watch it in full here
@tijanadaly#greenscreen merry Christmas yall. Stay mentally healthy 😛 #toxicmom#narcissisticparent♬ original sound – Tijana Daly
Tijana suggested that the very best thing that we can do if we’re dealing with toxic parents, is seek out a therapist if possible.
“Unpacking trauma takes a village and a trauma-informed therapist will do wonders for your healing,” she pointed out. “Otherwise, self-education is important on how to deal with narcissists. Fortunately, there is a ton of info available on social media right now to help.”
Tijana stressed that we should never blame ourselves for how our parents (mis)treat us. “Throughout the process, remember that it is not your fault and you are worthy of a parent who respects and values your emotional health. And get out of there ASAP!”
I was curious to learn more about Tijana’s journey into the world of fitness and TikTok. Here’s what she told me. “I started as a personal trainer in 2014 and have been a virtual fitness coach since January of 2020,” she shared. “Since going through my own health transformation, I became passionate about helping other women do the same.”
Meanwhile, she shared with Bored Panda that she has always enjoyed making video content for her business. “I found it came naturally to connect with my audience through video. I started making TikToks about my mom when I came across someone posting about their toxic mom on my FYP. I thought, ‘Oh I could tell a story or two.’ Next thing I knew, I had tens of thousands of followers who connected with my story!” she revealed how opening up on TikTok helped her connect to others.
“I found it extremely therapeutic and validating to share my experience with others. Dozens of people message me telling me ‘because of you I don’t feel alone’ or that they’re now seeking help and healing… that makes it all worth it.”
In the video, she showed what toxic parenting looks like during the holidays
Image credits: tijanadaly
Image credits: tijanadaly
Image credits: tijanadaly
Image credits: tijanadaly
Image credits: tijanadaly
Image credits: tijanadaly
Image credits: tijanadaly
Tijana’s video got a lot of attention on TikTok because of how relatable the topic was to many people. The TikTok racked up a whopping 1.8 million views and over a third of a million likes on the platform.
In the video, the coach detailed all the times that her mom was disappointed by Tijana’s holiday gifts for her and was brutally open about the fact. From the skates that her mom hated and the lotion that she left under the Christmas tree for 2 whole weeks to the wallet and gift card that couldn’t live up to the mom’s standards.
Oh, and there was that weekend getaway that Tijana got for her mom to spend some quality time with her dad. Guess how that went? Well, actually, things turned out great because Tijana was able to go on the getaway with her husband, instead. However, she finally learned not to expect to ever be able to please her mother, so she joked that she might get her the video that she filmed as a present this year.
Tijana is a body transformation coach, a pre and post-natal fitness specialist, holistic nutritionist, and a fat loss expert for moms. “After working as a sought-after Personal Trainer and Women’s Fitness Coach for several years, I then had children myself and was opened up to the unique needs moms possess when it comes to fitness and fat loss. I was inspired to help as many moms as possible become fit, healthy, and confident— without the unrealistic and unsustainable barriers of traditional weight loss plans,” the mom of two writes on her website.
According to Emily Guarnotta, writing on ‘Choosing Therapy,’ there are nine indicators that someone is being a toxic mother. For instance, a toxic mom overreacts if someone has a different opinion than hers, she makes excessive demands of her children, isn’t afraid to manipulate others to get what she wants, and oversteps any boundaries that you have set out for her.
What’s more, a mom who is toxic can put down your accomplishments because she feels jealous or insecure, hurts her children through her words or actions (whether intentionally or because she doesn’t think about the consequences of what she does), absolutely refuses to apologize for her behavior, tries to control you, and, overall, lacks empathy.
Unfortunately, a lot of people could relate to Tijana’s Xmas experiences. Here’s what they shared online
What do you think ?
Mazer 4 years ago
I was about 10 or 11 and had enough of my families (especially my mothers) petty gift rejections and complaints and bullshit attitudes. So I just stopped. I stopped giving them anything for any holiday and birthday. Then I cut them out of my life completely because having to constantly reinforce boundaries was exhausting. Best decision I ever made
Donna Leske 4 years ago
Surround yourself with people that care about you. Life's short. Blood ain't squat!
Load More Replies...
Patti Vance 4 years ago
can't imagine a mom like this. growing up we were really financially strapped - not dirt poor but no extra cash for gifts. when i was about one mother's day i found a 8 or 9, tarnished silver platter in a dumpster at the complex we lived. i worked for days to shine it up and gave it to her. she made a big deal of it and kept it on her dresser for her creams and cologne. decades later, i was visiting her for her birthday. i had graduated college, gotten a good job, and was proud of my emerald earrings that i was surprising her with. i walked into her bedroom and there on the dresser was that tray. i asked her why she still had that old thing. she told me that she knew where it had come from, how long i worked on it, and it was one of her most precious gifts she ever received from me. made me want to hide the earrings...which, by the way, she wore once in a while because, after i asked, she said she was afraid of losing them.
Nat Blinsk 4 years ago
You are very lucky to have her :) When I was eight I taught myself to knit and made my mother a scarf. It promptly went in the bin. Also, your mum sounds lucky to have a lovely daughter like you too!
Load More Replies...
Frannie Kaplan 4 years ago
Spend holidays away from your narc parents, they always have a tantrum for days on end or look to pick a fight when you can't run away (nothing is open on Christmas, no public transport etc)
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 4 years ago (edited)
Being trapped in a moving vehicle and all you hear is "So,.. I want to talk to you about something. I saw on your Twitter, and I know it's your account, but I did see it, I saw it, you called someone a nasty word...." I'm sure they.... " I WASN'T FINISHED TALKING! Is there a way you can delete it? It's not a good representation of yourself." I'm going to stand up for... "It's NOT a good representation of yourself. I don't care what they said. So, moving forward, you need to be more polite and professional with your online presence because..., let me tell you, employers? they can find you. ONLINE. And you won't get hired. They will fire you, too." I know, but... "THEY CAN see it. Do you understand what I'm saying?" Can we just enjoy the day? I don't recall when I posted it. "It was from 6 years ago. I found it." Really?! " Yes, really. I SAW it. With my OWN EYES." This was a real, intense convo.
Load More Replies...
Jasmine Looper 4 years ago
My niece and nephew got their mother gifts for Christmas this year even though their grandparents have custody. No one in my family has been able to find my sister since the 20th and her kids are pretty upset. Last year she was losing custody and refused to accept mothers day gifts from them since she "wasn't their mom anymore." I wish I could do more for them since she has put them through so much. They have different fathers and were abandoned by both. They have rough years of growing up ahead of them.
Lucas 4 years ago
My mother wasn't a narcissist but she was as tactless as you can get. If we asked for ideas for gifts she never had any and yet she would frequently have a reason why the gift was no use. This was a woman who had little money so didn't have much. When things broke eg oven, washing machine, I would buy replacements or arrange for all of us, her offspring, to help share the costs (they were better off than I was at the time). I heard her thanking my sister privately in another room, hugging her. Not me. I asked her once why, explaining it had been me doing all the organising (I was upset otherwise would not have said it) and she said 'I know' but still, didn't thank me. She asked me once to make her a special pie for her birthday and then when I gave it to her on the day said 'I knew you were going to make me one of those' as though she was bored by the idea. I said 'but you asked me to' and she didn't say a word. My father was worse...
mutzolina 4 years ago
I can relate so much. Whatever we did, whatever gifts we gave, all the effort we put in. It was never enough
Freya the Wanderer 4 years ago
Then don't give those ungrateful @s$holes anything! Give to reputable NGOs in their names - preferably ones they don't like.
Load More Replies...
zovjraar me 4 years ago
we used to make cards or some kind of art for mum when we were kids, and she STILL has a lot of them! i'm 42!
K Witmer 4 years ago
My daughter is now 19 and every Christmas I display every Christmas theme thing she ever made me. I tape them up to a huge mirror in my dining room. I cherish it. And I definitely love that she continues to make me things. She taught herself to knit by watching YouTube over the pandemic and made me a beautiful blanket. Your mom sounds lovely.
Load More Replies...
LadyEncredible Rand 4 years ago
I don't care if you don't like it. You accept it graciously and either a. Use it or b. Register it to someone who will use it (I know regifting may not be popular, but why let something go to waste). And finally if you are one of those, "oh I just don't like anything" types of people you either a. Make it clear or b. Give the person a list of items you would want or use and let them pick from there and e sure you put some cheap stuff on it. I honestly think it's just people being jerks. It's really not that serious.
Jive N Jingle 4 years ago
Then consider yourself lucky because you don't 'get' narcissists because you were never forced to deal with one. Certainly not a parent. NOTHING is good enough. You show them a list of 'acceptable gifts' you can buy, (or even ask them to NAME one)and they'll balk and say something to the effect of, 'Anything would be fine, it's the thought that counts.' People 'just being jerks' is what being a narcissist is. They thrive on the responses they get from people who they want to torment. They will receive a gift that they *LOVE* and just to get the response, they'll toss it aside and say they don't like it. Because the hurt response is a bigger gift to their ego than the wonderful gift they received, that they LOVED. But it's a sick, twisted mind of a narcissist that no matter what you might do for them, they make you feel awful about it. Perhaps you can look into the hell that narcissists wreak on their loved ones, especially the ones who are NOT the "Golden Child." Then pass judgment.
Load More Replies...
Tiny Dancer 4 years ago
First off, when did the word narc stop being about telling on people? I cannot rewire my brain to make it about narcissists! Anyway, these are some heartbreaking stories. Some folks just don't deserve to be parents. My 34-year-old autistic son buys me cheap earrings in a style I would never wear, but by golly, I gush over them and save them all like a normal person.
Jive N Jingle 4 years ago
Yeah, I struggled with that 'narc' thing, too, but dealing more with a narcissist as opposed to a 'narc' in a tattletale sense, it became easier for me to use 'narc' as a shortcut for narcissist than for a tattletale. But yeah, I get it. And you're a decent human being, because even though those earrings aren't exactly your style, you do the decent SELFLESS thing by gushing over them, and that is incredibly rewarding to your son. It's how all parents should react to receiving a present that may not be at the top of their wish list, regardless of the age of the child giving it. It's just the respectful, selfless, kind thing to do. :)
Load More Replies... MyOpinionHasBeenServed 4 years ago
I thought I was the only one who had a mom give back or throw out my gifts. But HELL NO DO NOT SHOW YOUR MOM THIS! Narcissists cannot handle being proven they did something wrong. Prepare for next level narc rage. You don't want to know what that looks like.
Yvonne Taylor 4 years ago
Yup. Not a mum but a sister doing it. It’s exhausting . I’m waiting for the other shoe to hit the floor when she reads the email I’ve just sent. I’ve had enough of the nonsense
Load More Replies... Mazer 4 years ago
I was about 10 or 11 and had enough of my families (especially my mothers) petty gift rejections and complaints and bullshit attitudes. So I just stopped. I stopped giving them anything for any holiday and birthday. Then I cut them out of my life completely because having to constantly reinforce boundaries was exhausting. Best decision I ever made
Donna Leske 4 years ago
Surround yourself with people that care about you. Life's short. Blood ain't squat!
Load More Replies... Patti Vance 4 years ago
can't imagine a mom like this. growing up we were really financially strapped - not dirt poor but no extra cash for gifts. when i was about one mother's day i found a 8 or 9, tarnished silver platter in a dumpster at the complex we lived. i worked for days to shine it up and gave it to her. she made a big deal of it and kept it on her dresser for her creams and cologne. decades later, i was visiting her for her birthday. i had graduated college, gotten a good job, and was proud of my emerald earrings that i was surprising her with. i walked into her bedroom and there on the dresser was that tray. i asked her why she still had that old thing. she told me that she knew where it had come from, how long i worked on it, and it was one of her most precious gifts she ever received from me. made me want to hide the earrings...which, by the way, she wore once in a while because, after i asked, she said she was afraid of losing them.
Nat Blinsk 4 years ago
You are very lucky to have her :) When I was eight I taught myself to knit and made my mother a scarf. It promptly went in the bin. Also, your mum sounds lucky to have a lovely daughter like you too!
Load More Replies... Frannie Kaplan 4 years ago
Spend holidays away from your narc parents, they always have a tantrum for days on end or look to pick a fight when you can't run away (nothing is open on Christmas, no public transport etc)
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 4 years ago (edited)
Being trapped in a moving vehicle and all you hear is "So,.. I want to talk to you about something. I saw on your Twitter, and I know it's your account, but I did see it, I saw it, you called someone a nasty word...." I'm sure they.... " I WASN'T FINISHED TALKING! Is there a way you can delete it? It's not a good representation of yourself." I'm going to stand up for... "It's NOT a good representation of yourself. I don't care what they said. So, moving forward, you need to be more polite and professional with your online presence because..., let me tell you, employers? they can find you. ONLINE. And you won't get hired. They will fire you, too." I know, but... "THEY CAN see it. Do you understand what I'm saying?" Can we just enjoy the day? I don't recall when I posted it. "It was from 6 years ago. I found it." Really?! " Yes, really. I SAW it. With my OWN EYES." This was a real, intense convo.
Load More Replies... Jasmine Looper 4 years ago
My niece and nephew got their mother gifts for Christmas this year even though their grandparents have custody. No one in my family has been able to find my sister since the 20th and her kids are pretty upset. Last year she was losing custody and refused to accept mothers day gifts from them since she "wasn't their mom anymore." I wish I could do more for them since she has put them through so much. They have different fathers and were abandoned by both. They have rough years of growing up ahead of them.
Lucas 4 years ago
My mother wasn't a narcissist but she was as tactless as you can get. If we asked for ideas for gifts she never had any and yet she would frequently have a reason why the gift was no use. This was a woman who had little money so didn't have much. When things broke eg oven, washing machine, I would buy replacements or arrange for all of us, her offspring, to help share the costs (they were better off than I was at the time). I heard her thanking my sister privately in another room, hugging her. Not me. I asked her once why, explaining it had been me doing all the organising (I was upset otherwise would not have said it) and she said 'I know' but still, didn't thank me. She asked me once to make her a special pie for her birthday and then when I gave it to her on the day said 'I knew you were going to make me one of those' as though she was bored by the idea. I said 'but you asked me to' and she didn't say a word. My father was worse...
mutzolina 4 years ago
I can relate so much. Whatever we did, whatever gifts we gave, all the effort we put in. It was never enough
Freya the Wanderer 4 years ago
Then don't give those ungrateful @s$holes anything! Give to reputable NGOs in their names - preferably ones they don't like.
Load More Replies... zovjraar me 4 years ago
we used to make cards or some kind of art for mum when we were kids, and she STILL has a lot of them! i'm 42!
K Witmer 4 years ago
My daughter is now 19 and every Christmas I display every Christmas theme thing she ever made me. I tape them up to a huge mirror in my dining room. I cherish it. And I definitely love that she continues to make me things. She taught herself to knit by watching YouTube over the pandemic and made me a beautiful blanket. Your mom sounds lovely.
Load More Replies... LadyEncredible Rand 4 years ago
I don't care if you don't like it. You accept it graciously and either a. Use it or b. Register it to someone who will use it (I know regifting may not be popular, but why let something go to waste). And finally if you are one of those, "oh I just don't like anything" types of people you either a. Make it clear or b. Give the person a list of items you would want or use and let them pick from there and e sure you put some cheap stuff on it. I honestly think it's just people being jerks. It's really not that serious.
Jive N Jingle 4 years ago
Then consider yourself lucky because you don't 'get' narcissists because you were never forced to deal with one. Certainly not a parent. NOTHING is good enough. You show them a list of 'acceptable gifts' you can buy, (or even ask them to NAME one)and they'll balk and say something to the effect of, 'Anything would be fine, it's the thought that counts.' People 'just being jerks' is what being a narcissist is. They thrive on the responses they get from people who they want to torment. They will receive a gift that they *LOVE* and just to get the response, they'll toss it aside and say they don't like it. Because the hurt response is a bigger gift to their ego than the wonderful gift they received, that they LOVED. But it's a sick, twisted mind of a narcissist that no matter what you might do for them, they make you feel awful about it. Perhaps you can look into the hell that narcissists wreak on their loved ones, especially the ones who are NOT the "Golden Child." Then pass judgment.
Load More Replies... Tiny Dancer 4 years ago
First off, when did the word narc stop being about telling on people? I cannot rewire my brain to make it about narcissists! Anyway, these are some heartbreaking stories. Some folks just don't deserve to be parents. My 34-year-old autistic son buys me cheap earrings in a style I would never wear, but by golly, I gush over them and save them all like a normal person.
Jive N Jingle 4 years ago
Yeah, I struggled with that 'narc' thing, too, but dealing more with a narcissist as opposed to a 'narc' in a tattletale sense, it became easier for me to use 'narc' as a shortcut for narcissist than for a tattletale. But yeah, I get it. And you're a decent human being, because even though those earrings aren't exactly your style, you do the decent SELFLESS thing by gushing over them, and that is incredibly rewarding to your son. It's how all parents should react to receiving a present that may not be at the top of their wish list, regardless of the age of the child giving it. It's just the respectful, selfless, kind thing to do. :)
Load More Replies... MyOpinionHasBeenServed 4 years ago
I thought I was the only one who had a mom give back or throw out my gifts. But HELL NO DO NOT SHOW YOUR MOM THIS! Narcissists cannot handle being proven they did something wrong. Prepare for next level narc rage. You don't want to know what that looks like.
Yvonne Taylor 4 years ago
Yup. Not a mum but a sister doing it. It’s exhausting . I’m waiting for the other shoe to hit the floor when she reads the email I’ve just sent. I’ve had enough of the nonsense
Load More Replies...
Related on Bored Panda
67
78