An important part of living in the 21st century is the ability of everyone, regardless of race, gender, religion, or really any other demographic indicator to be whatever they want to be. While this often doesn’t work in practice, it’s still generally a noble goal to strive after.
TikToker and self-proclaimed traditional wife Jasmine Darke shared a video where she indicated that she wants to raise her daughter to become a homemaker. This sparked a debate online, as people discussed gender roles and whether or not it is fair to a child to be forced into this sort of lifestyle.
More info: TikTok
Some people prefer to be homemakers instead of working a regular job
Image credits: Becca Tapert (not the actual photo)
But one woman caused some controversy online when she wanted her young daughter to embrace this lifestyle
Image credits: jasminedinis2
Image credits: jasminedinis2
Image credits: jasminedinis2
You can watch the full video here
@jasminedinis2 In a world full of women teaching their children that their only goal is to go to university, get a good job and make money, I’m teaching my little girl to live a slow life, to be a biblical women that wants a husband & a beautiful family that she can serve daily. That joy comes from God & family, not from a career 🕊️🤍 #homesteading #tradwife #motherhood #foryoupage #stayathomemom #conservative ♬ original sound – Jasmine Dinis
Image credits: jasminedinis
There is a niche movement espousing the virtues of being a housewife
Jasmine Darke is just one of many influencers who have found their niche espousing a certain kind of idealized lifestyle that harkens beach to an imagined vision of the past. In some circles, you might see these sorts of women described as “tradwives” or “traditional wives.” This phenomenon has been growing in popularity lately, creating the impression that all of life’s problems can be solved by simply finding a well-off husband. Why these “traditional wives” chose to still document all of it for the internet is anyone’s guess.
The basics of this lifestyle involve submitting to a husband whom you are financially dependent on and never having any ambitions beyond raising children. There is also an aesthetic commitment to cosplaying as a 19th-century substance farmer or at least a caricature of a 1950s housewife.
Some researchers suggest that this could be a result of internalized sexism, where the woman has bought into the idea that she is inferior and can only be happy by reducing themselves to domestic servitude. In other cases, it comes from a lack of understanding about life in the past and just accepting a pretty romanticized view presented in, of all places, advertisements.
Image credits: Klaus Nielsen (not the actual photo)
While the idea might seem appealing, the risks are pretty high
Whether or not this idea is ridiculous is beyond the point, people are free to live the way they chose. Human beings are free to make poor decisions. However, the controversy caused by this video is less about how Jasmine Darke chooses to live, but the fact that she appears to be pushing this lifestyle on her daughter.
Mrs. Darke has chosen to forgo a career or really any independence from her husband, that is her prerogative. Should he die, be incapacitated, or end up being abusive (which would be in line with common behavior from the 19th century or the 1950s, she does not have much recourse, but this is a risk she chose to take.
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Ultimately, children need to be able to choose and consent to a lifestyle independent of a parent’s beliefs
This isn’t to say that it’s the worst thing in the world, after all, who wouldn’t want to just do some chores around the house while someone else works? This all sounds fine and dandy until you really sit down and consider the risks. What will being out of the job market for a few years do to your career? What if you realize you don’t like it? What if your spouse suddenly can’t provide? Even worse, what if you become so dependent that you simply can’t leave and the relationship turns sour? As adults, we have to keep these things in mind and not just engage with wishful thinking.
However, her young daughter doesn’t exactly have the capacity to understand the choices her mother is making for her and doesn’t have the power to do anything about it anyway. This is a bigger problem than just this story, as very many children end up pushed down paths picked out by their parents.
Ultimately, a child needs the opportunity to make choices later in life. It’s exceedingly rare that kids forced into certain life paths don’t end up hating them and are filled with resentfulness. Even worse, removing these opportunities later will make it much harder for young adults to actually achieve the life they want to live.
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Many readers thought this was a terrible thing to teach a young girl
But some supported her ideas
Yikes, the internalized misogyny. Serving your family? You aren't a d*mn servant! You are a person! I hope this girl gets out and never looks back.
This article says at start: An important part of living in the 21st century is the ability of everyone, regardless of race, gender, religion, or really any other demographic indicator to be whatever they want to be. If that girl wants to be a tradwife or a housewife that’s completely normal.
Load More Replies... I hate to depress people, but there’s an entire movement of this shîte. I don’t read it because I’m watching my blood pressure.
Holy s....! Never depend on other people, that's what we told our daughter - and our son too.
Becoming a SAHM. OK, not my thing but if both agree and are ok with it, whatever. But teaching a young girl to "depend on and serve" her husband should be considered child abuse.
100% agree and commented similarly before I saw yours.
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I'm looking forward to the teenage-rebellion.... ohhh this one will be good!!!!
I thought the same. and rebellion in this case would mean a great career and financial independence for the daughter!
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Fast forward 20 years and this kid now has multiple tattoos and piercings and a career in professional kickboxing, is happily single and childless, and only talks to her mother at Christmas lunch.
Sometimes i just see something and think, you really shouldn't be allowed kids. Teach your kids to be independent, that they only need to rely on themselves. That doesn't mean your teaching them to treat others bad but letting them know that you don't have to put up with unacceptable behaviour cause you can't cope on your own. If she meets a great guy (or girl) and wants to be a housewife and mother but if it goes wrong is capable of looking after herself then she can go for it. If you've taught your kid to just rely on others that's a bad parent
Be a housewife if it makes you happy and let other women do what makes them happy. But don't parade your choice as if it's some morally superior path! There are lots of housewives who have been abandoned and now make use of benefits they never contributed to because they didn't have a job. Children from SAHM are not happier or more well-adjusted than children with working parents. So make your choice, but let others make their choice.
Also, she shouldn't assume her daughter will have the same sexual preferences she does - her daughter might be LGBTQ+ Though I imagine that she's not very open to that idea at all!!!
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Tradwives are disgusting. So glad I married a woman with self-worth and integrity.
This infuriates me, because it’s pretty much what my “greatest generation” parents tried to do to me, their youngest child and only daughter. They were trying to turn me into their caretaker in their old age. Even though out of all five of their children, the baby and only girl was the only one with the grades to get into any college I wanted, they refused to send me to college. W T Actual F? No f*****g way was I going to let that happen, so once I hit 18 I left, went 100% NC, and never looked back. That was in January of 1979. I have had my own life ever since, and have zero regrets. I now have a Masters Degree and am married and have had a pretty good life without them. They’re both dead now, and their deaths did not affect me in the least. I honestly did not care about them—-or should I say I cared about them even less than they cared about me. So I say to all parents, do NOT ever limit any of your children’s options for their future! Let them be what they’re going to be, even if it doesn’t fit what you want them to be, you are not them, and never will be. I actually hope this woman’s daughter turns out to be the exact opposite of the meek, dependent, trad sister wife her mother evidently wants her to be.
Hear hear! Glad it all worked out really well for you. 😄
Load More Replies... Please ban tiktoks. This is bad content and probably hiding some shady religious undertone.
So I grab my morning caffeine, read through the local and national news headlines, then open up BP and this is the first thing I see. I think my brain is in some sort of vapor lock...what the hell did I just read? Once my head stops spinning around like Reagan in the f*****g Exorcist, I may have a more cogent response.
My niece was raised this way. She’s now 24, married, and unable to function without asking her husband or parents for help. She can’t make a doctor appointment herself much less go to one without her husband or one of her parents there because she was taught that she has no agency. I get that everyone lives differently but teaching a woman )or anyone for that matter) that they can’t function independently is a huge disservice.
I'm so glad I was raised by parents that had focus on equality - and not this bùllsh!t....
To quote.Mike Tyson “ Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face” The problem with this plan is it falls apart with a punch to the face, a husband cheating, abusive, unemployed, addicted or mentally ill or even general unhappiness.
Barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen. That sounds like a plan.
This is gross and purely for likes/attention. If you truly are a “traditional wife” whatever the hell that means, then you don’t feel any need to talk about it/brag about/seek validation about it. Not to mention, you never throw your kids in the picture. Raising your daughters to be servants and breeders isn’t traditional, it’s indoctrination into a lifestyle that may or may not be right for them. I am not a fan of shaming mothers on the whole, because there are many variations of a “good mother”, but allow your children to figure out who they are. Let them breathe. The best case scenario here is that this really backfires and this little girl grows up to be a brilliant neurosurgeon who looks at her mother someday and says, “wtf???” The more realistic version is she will heavily resent her mother for bringing her into this cultural narrative without her consent and she won’t even deal with her. It’s just all very sad.
1. Quite possible that the mom is doing this to "enhance her brand" since she makes social media money. Wouldn't be the first person to embrace an outrageous view or exploit her children for her SM "career". 2. Interesting twists she can't control: daughter is lesbian, asexual, or infertile. What then?
Ah yes. Totally ok to depend on a man. And what if the daughter turns out homosexual? Then will mummy agree she depends on a woman? Guess not...
With the climate crisis and how expensive living in a society is today this is just unrealistic.
My first thought was that she is training her daughter to be her (mom's) carer in the future!
Yeah, a woman’s only purpose in life is to be a servant and breeding cow for her husband, and not be her own person. What’s going to happen if she ends up with an abusive husband? She’ll have no money to get out and no job skills to support herself. These people think being a wife is all June Cleaver pearls and sparkles and don’t think about what happens if it all turns into “The Burning Bed”.
A "biblical woman" ??? I've read the bible. Women, as described there about 1000 times, are just a belonging of either her husband or her father, and in case some strangers knock on your door because your neighbours are about to rape and/or kill them - as long as they're men, not women or girls, a good and faithful, obedient believer in possession of wifes and/or daughters, will hand them out to even the most violent and horny, least civilized and modest crowd in order to rescue the strangers who call themselves angels. After all, are angels anything more than poultry, even? Anyway, the way this mother attempts to raise her daughter might deserve reevaluation by people who have a more rational take on believery and the fairy tales it bases itself upon. Religion sucks.
Wow... that disgusting smug smile she posted says more than anything. What absolute trash
To all who think this is normal "NOT ANYMORE" it's disgusting and YOU as a mother aren't teaching her about how WE women fought years to be equal, but because of all that support these women will live with abuse and coercive controlling behaviour for way too long! Aaaaand if an abused woman dare to leave, you'll all make her go back to this absolute nightmare. Because of you, we are prevented from being equal! It's so many levels of WRONG!!! Just so so sad!!!!
‘Just do some chores around the house while someone else works?’ Seriously?
Haha what on earth is this. What about being independent? Getting a job? I’m not saying being a housewife is bad just that maybe don’t teach your kids to be entirely dependent on other people
I wouldn't be able to be with someone that thinks they need to serve me. I work with some Latino Americans that subscribe to this with their Machismo way of life. Their women are basically their maids. I don't comprehend how a woman would want to be considered a lesser person just because they have a vagina and not a penis. But some people really believe that women came from a man's rib and talking snakes and blah blah blah.
The part about this that bothers me is that she's telling her daughter how she should feel. I would have no issue with her telling her daughter, "serving my husband and bearing children has been the greatest joy in my life". If that's how OP truly feels, then it's totally appropriate to share with their child. Let the kid figure out how they feel and what they want for their life on their own.
Meh I don't particularly have an issue with teaching your kids this is acceptable if they DECIDE that's what they want, but to say it's the only or best option, even as a man, is so wrong.
It's ok if that's what the child wants to do. There's nothing wrong with depending on your husband and being a housewife but this lady forgets to teach her child that even if she believes a husband to depend on is a good idea it's not a necessity for life and her daughter can choose how she wants to live
This is absolutely wrong on every level. It’s ok to help out. It’s ok to cook/clean/raise children but it should be equal for the man and woman. I am so glad my dad raised me the exact same as my three brothers and I hope your beautiful daughter is gay later in life to slap reality in your face. You should not have any more children. Maybe you’re a witch? We should do a trail against you
My oldest son was 6 at the time. I had been a stay at home mom for 4 years. (Yeah I worked when he was very little) I told him I was going back to work. He said, good you're bored at home. So true.
What's sick to me is demanding your child be only 1 certain thing. It'd be just as disgusting if she was raising her saying she HAD to become a doctor bc that's what mom values most. It completely ignores the fact that this child is a person that will have their own preferences. Sorry mom, your daughter wasn't born just to be a reflection of you.
You don't need kids and a man to serve day and night to make your life happy. That's too bad, should be teacher her daughter to self sufficient and responsible for her self.
How does she or anyone like her have over 100K IG followers? I'm legit curious.
Wait until you HAVE to get out for your own and your daughter's safety, but can't because you have no bank account, job experience, vehicle, etc. Or when he gets tired of being married to a maid/cook/nanny with no personality or interests of her own and gets a side piece. Or when you start aging out of the prettiness you're relying on. You've basically said you're not a human being in your own right, but only insofar as you 'serve' your husband. It's gross.
Being a homemaker is a tough job that can be rewarding. But like all careers, it should be chosen! What happens if that little girl grows up without an education(college or trade school), gets married, has several children and her husband dies or divorces her? What if she wants out but is financially trapped? Her mother certainly won’t help her and will encourage her to stay because of her duty.
If she's such a good traditional wife, why is she wasting time with videos instead of cleaning and cooking for her husband?
I'm in my sixties and was raised by a dad who said, 'your brother can always dig ditches, but you girls need an education.' CHECK. I wound up being a single mom and doing okay (not great... Glass ceiling + single mom = limited career mobility) and became secure enough to attract partners that constantly needed boosting. That may say more about my own psychology than about building my own security... But the flip side of all this is that I sometimes wish someone would look after ME for a freaking change. As much of a Gloria Steinem fan as I am, my reality has been work outside the home, primary homemaker and looking everyone else, often at my own expense. So the lady in this post might be a little whacko (empower your kids to make life choices, don't brainwash them) but she's not completely wrong. Being a woman is hard.
Your SO has options and free will. Good for her! If the two of you decide together that you're happiest with her staying home, there is nothing wrong with that. It's all about having a choice and a voice.
Load More Replies... Yikes, the internalized misogyny. Serving your family? You aren't a d*mn servant! You are a person! I hope this girl gets out and never looks back.
This article says at start: An important part of living in the 21st century is the ability of everyone, regardless of race, gender, religion, or really any other demographic indicator to be whatever they want to be. If that girl wants to be a tradwife or a housewife that’s completely normal.
Load More Replies... I hate to depress people, but there’s an entire movement of this shîte. I don’t read it because I’m watching my blood pressure.
Holy s....! Never depend on other people, that's what we told our daughter - and our son too.
Becoming a SAHM. OK, not my thing but if both agree and are ok with it, whatever. But teaching a young girl to "depend on and serve" her husband should be considered child abuse.
100% agree and commented similarly before I saw yours.
Load More Replies... I'm looking forward to the teenage-rebellion.... ohhh this one will be good!!!!
I thought the same. and rebellion in this case would mean a great career and financial independence for the daughter!
Load More Replies... Fast forward 20 years and this kid now has multiple tattoos and piercings and a career in professional kickboxing, is happily single and childless, and only talks to her mother at Christmas lunch.
Sometimes i just see something and think, you really shouldn't be allowed kids. Teach your kids to be independent, that they only need to rely on themselves. That doesn't mean your teaching them to treat others bad but letting them know that you don't have to put up with unacceptable behaviour cause you can't cope on your own. If she meets a great guy (or girl) and wants to be a housewife and mother but if it goes wrong is capable of looking after herself then she can go for it. If you've taught your kid to just rely on others that's a bad parent
Be a housewife if it makes you happy and let other women do what makes them happy. But don't parade your choice as if it's some morally superior path! There are lots of housewives who have been abandoned and now make use of benefits they never contributed to because they didn't have a job. Children from SAHM are not happier or more well-adjusted than children with working parents. So make your choice, but let others make their choice.
Also, she shouldn't assume her daughter will have the same sexual preferences she does - her daughter might be LGBTQ+ Though I imagine that she's not very open to that idea at all!!!
Load More Replies... Tradwives are disgusting. So glad I married a woman with self-worth and integrity.
This infuriates me, because it’s pretty much what my “greatest generation” parents tried to do to me, their youngest child and only daughter. They were trying to turn me into their caretaker in their old age. Even though out of all five of their children, the baby and only girl was the only one with the grades to get into any college I wanted, they refused to send me to college. W T Actual F? No f*****g way was I going to let that happen, so once I hit 18 I left, went 100% NC, and never looked back. That was in January of 1979. I have had my own life ever since, and have zero regrets. I now have a Masters Degree and am married and have had a pretty good life without them. They’re both dead now, and their deaths did not affect me in the least. I honestly did not care about them—-or should I say I cared about them even less than they cared about me. So I say to all parents, do NOT ever limit any of your children’s options for their future! Let them be what they’re going to be, even if it doesn’t fit what you want them to be, you are not them, and never will be. I actually hope this woman’s daughter turns out to be the exact opposite of the meek, dependent, trad sister wife her mother evidently wants her to be.
Hear hear! Glad it all worked out really well for you. 😄
Load More Replies... Please ban tiktoks. This is bad content and probably hiding some shady religious undertone.
So I grab my morning caffeine, read through the local and national news headlines, then open up BP and this is the first thing I see. I think my brain is in some sort of vapor lock...what the hell did I just read? Once my head stops spinning around like Reagan in the f*****g Exorcist, I may have a more cogent response.
My niece was raised this way. She’s now 24, married, and unable to function without asking her husband or parents for help. She can’t make a doctor appointment herself much less go to one without her husband or one of her parents there because she was taught that she has no agency. I get that everyone lives differently but teaching a woman )or anyone for that matter) that they can’t function independently is a huge disservice.
I'm so glad I was raised by parents that had focus on equality - and not this bùllsh!t....
To quote.Mike Tyson “ Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face” The problem with this plan is it falls apart with a punch to the face, a husband cheating, abusive, unemployed, addicted or mentally ill or even general unhappiness.
Barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen. That sounds like a plan.
This is gross and purely for likes/attention. If you truly are a “traditional wife” whatever the hell that means, then you don’t feel any need to talk about it/brag about/seek validation about it. Not to mention, you never throw your kids in the picture. Raising your daughters to be servants and breeders isn’t traditional, it’s indoctrination into a lifestyle that may or may not be right for them. I am not a fan of shaming mothers on the whole, because there are many variations of a “good mother”, but allow your children to figure out who they are. Let them breathe. The best case scenario here is that this really backfires and this little girl grows up to be a brilliant neurosurgeon who looks at her mother someday and says, “wtf???” The more realistic version is she will heavily resent her mother for bringing her into this cultural narrative without her consent and she won’t even deal with her. It’s just all very sad.
1. Quite possible that the mom is doing this to "enhance her brand" since she makes social media money. Wouldn't be the first person to embrace an outrageous view or exploit her children for her SM "career". 2. Interesting twists she can't control: daughter is lesbian, asexual, or infertile. What then?
Ah yes. Totally ok to depend on a man. And what if the daughter turns out homosexual? Then will mummy agree she depends on a woman? Guess not...
With the climate crisis and how expensive living in a society is today this is just unrealistic.
My first thought was that she is training her daughter to be her (mom's) carer in the future!
Yeah, a woman’s only purpose in life is to be a servant and breeding cow for her husband, and not be her own person. What’s going to happen if she ends up with an abusive husband? She’ll have no money to get out and no job skills to support herself. These people think being a wife is all June Cleaver pearls and sparkles and don’t think about what happens if it all turns into “The Burning Bed”.
A "biblical woman" ??? I've read the bible. Women, as described there about 1000 times, are just a belonging of either her husband or her father, and in case some strangers knock on your door because your neighbours are about to rape and/or kill them - as long as they're men, not women or girls, a good and faithful, obedient believer in possession of wifes and/or daughters, will hand them out to even the most violent and horny, least civilized and modest crowd in order to rescue the strangers who call themselves angels. After all, are angels anything more than poultry, even? Anyway, the way this mother attempts to raise her daughter might deserve reevaluation by people who have a more rational take on believery and the fairy tales it bases itself upon. Religion sucks.
Wow... that disgusting smug smile she posted says more than anything. What absolute trash
To all who think this is normal "NOT ANYMORE" it's disgusting and YOU as a mother aren't teaching her about how WE women fought years to be equal, but because of all that support these women will live with abuse and coercive controlling behaviour for way too long! Aaaaand if an abused woman dare to leave, you'll all make her go back to this absolute nightmare. Because of you, we are prevented from being equal! It's so many levels of WRONG!!! Just so so sad!!!!
‘Just do some chores around the house while someone else works?’ Seriously?
Haha what on earth is this. What about being independent? Getting a job? I’m not saying being a housewife is bad just that maybe don’t teach your kids to be entirely dependent on other people
I wouldn't be able to be with someone that thinks they need to serve me. I work with some Latino Americans that subscribe to this with their Machismo way of life. Their women are basically their maids. I don't comprehend how a woman would want to be considered a lesser person just because they have a vagina and not a penis. But some people really believe that women came from a man's rib and talking snakes and blah blah blah.
The part about this that bothers me is that she's telling her daughter how she should feel. I would have no issue with her telling her daughter, "serving my husband and bearing children has been the greatest joy in my life". If that's how OP truly feels, then it's totally appropriate to share with their child. Let the kid figure out how they feel and what they want for their life on their own.
Meh I don't particularly have an issue with teaching your kids this is acceptable if they DECIDE that's what they want, but to say it's the only or best option, even as a man, is so wrong.
It's ok if that's what the child wants to do. There's nothing wrong with depending on your husband and being a housewife but this lady forgets to teach her child that even if she believes a husband to depend on is a good idea it's not a necessity for life and her daughter can choose how she wants to live
This is absolutely wrong on every level. It’s ok to help out. It’s ok to cook/clean/raise children but it should be equal for the man and woman. I am so glad my dad raised me the exact same as my three brothers and I hope your beautiful daughter is gay later in life to slap reality in your face. You should not have any more children. Maybe you’re a witch? We should do a trail against you
My oldest son was 6 at the time. I had been a stay at home mom for 4 years. (Yeah I worked when he was very little) I told him I was going back to work. He said, good you're bored at home. So true.
What's sick to me is demanding your child be only 1 certain thing. It'd be just as disgusting if she was raising her saying she HAD to become a doctor bc that's what mom values most. It completely ignores the fact that this child is a person that will have their own preferences. Sorry mom, your daughter wasn't born just to be a reflection of you.
You don't need kids and a man to serve day and night to make your life happy. That's too bad, should be teacher her daughter to self sufficient and responsible for her self.
How does she or anyone like her have over 100K IG followers? I'm legit curious.
Wait until you HAVE to get out for your own and your daughter's safety, but can't because you have no bank account, job experience, vehicle, etc. Or when he gets tired of being married to a maid/cook/nanny with no personality or interests of her own and gets a side piece. Or when you start aging out of the prettiness you're relying on. You've basically said you're not a human being in your own right, but only insofar as you 'serve' your husband. It's gross.
Being a homemaker is a tough job that can be rewarding. But like all careers, it should be chosen! What happens if that little girl grows up without an education(college or trade school), gets married, has several children and her husband dies or divorces her? What if she wants out but is financially trapped? Her mother certainly won’t help her and will encourage her to stay because of her duty.
If she's such a good traditional wife, why is she wasting time with videos instead of cleaning and cooking for her husband?
I'm in my sixties and was raised by a dad who said, 'your brother can always dig ditches, but you girls need an education.' CHECK. I wound up being a single mom and doing okay (not great... Glass ceiling + single mom = limited career mobility) and became secure enough to attract partners that constantly needed boosting. That may say more about my own psychology than about building my own security... But the flip side of all this is that I sometimes wish someone would look after ME for a freaking change. As much of a Gloria Steinem fan as I am, my reality has been work outside the home, primary homemaker and looking everyone else, often at my own expense. So the lady in this post might be a little whacko (empower your kids to make life choices, don't brainwash them) but she's not completely wrong. Being a woman is hard.
Your SO has options and free will. Good for her! If the two of you decide together that you're happiest with her staying home, there is nothing wrong with that. It's all about having a choice and a voice.
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