Mother Asks Whether She’s In The Wrong For Removing The Door To Her Son’s Room Indefinitely, The Internet Responds
There’s probably no stronger instinct than that of a mother’s to protect her kids from harm’s way. We don’t give moms enough credit as is: the pain, the sacrifice, the unconditional love given at their own expense. You think she didn’t want that last piece of cake that she so vehemently placed on your plate just to see that smile light up your face?
But kids can be tough, especially when they feel as though they’ve figured out what life is all about. Their egos run at a higher frequency than their IQs can catch up with during the very tumultuous time of teenagehood, leading to lots of miscommunication and misunderstandings. One of those we’re about to get into today.
One mom turned to the AITA community on Reddit to ask whether she was right to remove her teenage son’s bedroom door after an altercation occurred between the two of them: she thought he was in danger, he thought she was being dramatic. The door was the casualty.
After you’ve read the story, dear Pandas, don’t forget to check out the opinions of your fellow netizens and leave your own in the comments below. Do you think she was in the wrong? Was she fully in the right? Let us know. And if you’re craving more stories like this, you can check this one right here. Now let’s get into it!
More info: Reddit
A mom’s instinct to protect her children is an unmatched force, sometimes strong enough to break through locked doors, just to ensure her kids are okay
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Looking back at our teenage years, it’s hard not to cringe. We thought we knew it all! We were ready to take on the world, to be adults, to make it right, and show ’em how it’s done. Deluded by possibility is one way to put it… and also, very angry. Angry to not be understood, angry at the rules, angry for the lack of freedom.
However, the people having to take it are usually the parents. My mom and I had some screaming matches back in the day (love ya, Mom!), but it never came close to a door being broken, as it did in the story we’re about to delve into. A confused mom of two decided to seek some answers from the r/AmIthe[Jerk] subreddit after what occurred with her teenage son.
Loud noises, broken doors, and lots of upset. Sounds like a rock album, but those were the key moments that led up to and resulted in a door being removed from the teenage son’s room after his mom burst through, breaking it off the hinges. Both sides aren’t happy, but who’s the jerk? Let’s figure it out.
One such mom decided to ask the online community whether she was in the right to remove her teenage son’s bedroom door after he refused to answer her
Although it’s important for teens to have their personal space and a sense of control over their lives, there are certain boundaries that should be enforced
Image credits: meta0data (not the actual photo)
The adolescent years are filled with anxiety, frustration, fear, and other things that fall under the umbrella of teenage angst. Tamekia Reece stated on Good Housekeeping that many teens don’t know how to process those feelings, it all bubbling out as anger.
Part of it is physiology and the shifts that the body and mind are trying to adapt to. “The hormonal changes that occur during adolescence make teens more volatile and more likely to be expressive rather than reflective,” says Dr. Bernard Golden, psychologist and author.
Furthermore, the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for reasoning, planning, and decision-making, is still not fully developed in teens, so their emotions tend to override rational thoughts, he explains.
Adding to that are all the responsibilities a teen is trying to manage: school, homework, extracurricular activities, changing dynamics in friendships and relationships, social media, possibly a part-time job, and pressure to make huge life decisions like what college to attend. It can be overwhelming.
Other reasons for a teen’s temper are that they’re feeling misunderstood, they’re cranky because they’re not getting enough sleep, or—a big one—they want more independence. As stated by Dr. Christine L. Carter, parents who are too controlling—those who don’t step down from their manager roles—breed rebellion. This cannot be overstated: Healthy, self-disciplined, motivated teenagers have a strong sense of control over their lives.
But there is a line. Letting teens become decision-makers doesn’t equal permissive, indulgent, or disengaged parents.
Image credits: throwawaysonsdoor
While it is important to give teens the space that they crave, one should remember that teens are not always ready to deal with adult decisions, responsibility, and the consequences that come with it. They still need guidance and a watchful eye.
In this case, the teenager clearly acted outside the boundaries of trust, refusing to answer his mom’s calls and then proceeding to berate and cuss her out. Control should never be achieved through violence; thus, giving consequences and taking away something that caused the argument to begin with may be the natural order. Whether it be a door or the TV, that’s up for debate.
The desire for more privacy is a natural part of growing up. In fact, privacy is essential for teens to gain autonomy and individuality. As stated on Verywell Family, when teens believe their parents have invaded their privacy, the result is often more conflict at home.
However, if the teen messes up or violates a parent’s trust, allowing them a little less privacy for a period of time is a logical consequence. Ideally, family rules and privacy expectations need to be discussed and put in place before an infraction occurs, says Dr. Angela Lamson. It’s important for teens to understand what the consequences will be if they break the rules.
The online community ruled that the mom was not the jerk in the situation and that the teenager got what was coming to him. However, there were those that disagreed with the mom’s actions, calling them disrespectful, especially when it was her that broke the door in the first place. Let us know your thoughts on this in the comments section below, and I shall see you in the next one!
The majority of the people deemed the mom to be in the right, considering the situation that unfolded, with some even stating the consequences should have been harsher
Others thought that the mom was out of line, her actions being an example of poor parenting. Let us know your thoughts in the comments below!
I know exactly what happened.. the son was fapping away and the damn videos on pronsites are deafeningly loud compared to any other site so the very loud sound was the first bit of some video before he lowered the volume, didnt want to open the door because who wants their mother to see them having a boner. Should have obviously said he is fine or something but people dont act the best when they are panicking. That would also explain the not characteristical behavior towards the mother.
I agree with one of the reddit commenters. Replace the door and take his tv out.
Why kids need TV's or puters in their rooms is beyond me. Give em books, drawing / writing utensils, a telescope, cheap radio along with guides to repair or build their own radio. Course, could be my age speaking on this matter.
Load More Replies...Taking away the door of your kid is not a punishment, it's a sign of the parents' weakness and poor parenting. Kids have a right to privacy and by taking it away, you take away a safe place. Not to mention it's a fire hazard. Mom overreacted and blamed her son for it.
My younger brother had his door taken away once by our parents when he was in high school. But this came after mom discovered he was hiding alcoholic beverages in there, so one could argue he'd abused the right to privacy enough to lose it. I'm not saying it was the right course of action, just that things aren't always so simple.
Load More Replies...What's with parents removing their kids' frigging doors? How would they like having THEIR bedroom door removed? I can understand removing a lock but children need privacy like any other human. Ugh...🙄
What's with all these internal doors having locks? I can understand the bathroom having a lock - showers can make it hard to hear and no-one should be walked in on naked because they haven't heard a knock - but that's the key thing, why isn't anyone teaching the basic respect of knocking before entering? That's how you teach privacy and respect. Doors are required for fire safety, locks are not (they're actually a further fire hazard, but that's a separate issue).
Load More Replies...This seems so simple to me. Remove the lock on the door. Then if you need to enter his room you give plenty of warning and go in.
i don't think the kid has a respect issue. seems like mom is a little overly anxious and he was fed up, especially given that she said he's almost never like that.
Minor ESH here. Yes, mum should be worried if something happened that cause such a sound but taking down the kids door and refusing him his privacy is just nasty parenting at some point. Also, kid could've and should've been more mindful of his TV's volume and watch his language with his parents. All-in-all, compromise from all parties are needed before this goes into full-blown war mode.
For those recommending "counseling", my own bullying, narcissistic mother went to my sessions sometimes. Oh, and my stepfather once. If you haven't read the story by now, stepdad flat out told the therapist "oh, she's not MY daughter", and my mom only decided she would listen if the advice was in her favor. So, yeah. If this mom is as controlling and freaked out all the time like she sounds, I doubt it's going to help.
Sorry you had to cope with a narcissistic mother! For all that I criticize this mother for her behavior - her developing that level of anxiety for the well being of a loved one, does not correlate with narcissism at all. Sure I can´t predict if she´d be open for therapy either, but she is clearly suffering - of anxiety and of the rift with her son - which usually is a motivation to seek change...
Load More Replies...Yet another obviously very one-sided depiction of a situation. Thing is: if she only wanted to make sure he was ok, no opening of the door was needed, a simple grunted "yeah" of the son would have been sufficient as an answer to that very question. I bet you she is the kind of person who would have demanded to be let inside next, to be able to see exactly what was going on,as it's the only way kids lack of reaction makes sense. he probably was fapping or so. And I bet she wouldn't manage to knock and wait out long enough with the lock taken away, so let this kid keep his lock! So it is not ok to tell his mom to fk herself, but given her neurosis (how is she terrified not to reach him in an emergency - just buy a cheap door, you know how to break one after all) and given that he is so easygoing normally (not even defying the noise rule once in a while) while she is overreacting like that, my guess is that of a very patient teen that finally snapped and a mother with lots of issues.
It seems the son had ample opportunity to grunt out a yeah but he chose to ignore her instead. Actions have consequences. This one cost him a door.
Load More Replies...My children don't have locks on their doors but they do have privacy as I knock. My eldest did get a lock (I bought) which could be opened from the outside with a screwdriver due to younger sibling coming into his room. I don't know why a family home needs locks on the door.
Exactly this! No locks on bedroom doors unless there is an issue (often younger siblings) and always make sure the lock can be opened from both sides. In my current home the bedroom doors do have locks but they are a special type. They have little holes in the handle and a gadget we keep in the hallway that unlocks them if we need to (never have). Only the bathroom gets locked but even then you should be able to get in - people often go to the bathroom when feeling ill and might collapse. I have had to use the gadget on the bathroom but only because the lock broke. Safety!!
Load More Replies...I know exactly what happened.. the son was fapping away and the damn videos on pronsites are deafeningly loud compared to any other site so the very loud sound was the first bit of some video before he lowered the volume, didnt want to open the door because who wants their mother to see them having a boner. Should have obviously said he is fine or something but people dont act the best when they are panicking. That would also explain the not characteristical behavior towards the mother.
I agree with one of the reddit commenters. Replace the door and take his tv out.
Why kids need TV's or puters in their rooms is beyond me. Give em books, drawing / writing utensils, a telescope, cheap radio along with guides to repair or build their own radio. Course, could be my age speaking on this matter.
Load More Replies...Taking away the door of your kid is not a punishment, it's a sign of the parents' weakness and poor parenting. Kids have a right to privacy and by taking it away, you take away a safe place. Not to mention it's a fire hazard. Mom overreacted and blamed her son for it.
My younger brother had his door taken away once by our parents when he was in high school. But this came after mom discovered he was hiding alcoholic beverages in there, so one could argue he'd abused the right to privacy enough to lose it. I'm not saying it was the right course of action, just that things aren't always so simple.
Load More Replies...What's with parents removing their kids' frigging doors? How would they like having THEIR bedroom door removed? I can understand removing a lock but children need privacy like any other human. Ugh...🙄
What's with all these internal doors having locks? I can understand the bathroom having a lock - showers can make it hard to hear and no-one should be walked in on naked because they haven't heard a knock - but that's the key thing, why isn't anyone teaching the basic respect of knocking before entering? That's how you teach privacy and respect. Doors are required for fire safety, locks are not (they're actually a further fire hazard, but that's a separate issue).
Load More Replies...This seems so simple to me. Remove the lock on the door. Then if you need to enter his room you give plenty of warning and go in.
i don't think the kid has a respect issue. seems like mom is a little overly anxious and he was fed up, especially given that she said he's almost never like that.
Minor ESH here. Yes, mum should be worried if something happened that cause such a sound but taking down the kids door and refusing him his privacy is just nasty parenting at some point. Also, kid could've and should've been more mindful of his TV's volume and watch his language with his parents. All-in-all, compromise from all parties are needed before this goes into full-blown war mode.
For those recommending "counseling", my own bullying, narcissistic mother went to my sessions sometimes. Oh, and my stepfather once. If you haven't read the story by now, stepdad flat out told the therapist "oh, she's not MY daughter", and my mom only decided she would listen if the advice was in her favor. So, yeah. If this mom is as controlling and freaked out all the time like she sounds, I doubt it's going to help.
Sorry you had to cope with a narcissistic mother! For all that I criticize this mother for her behavior - her developing that level of anxiety for the well being of a loved one, does not correlate with narcissism at all. Sure I can´t predict if she´d be open for therapy either, but she is clearly suffering - of anxiety and of the rift with her son - which usually is a motivation to seek change...
Load More Replies...Yet another obviously very one-sided depiction of a situation. Thing is: if she only wanted to make sure he was ok, no opening of the door was needed, a simple grunted "yeah" of the son would have been sufficient as an answer to that very question. I bet you she is the kind of person who would have demanded to be let inside next, to be able to see exactly what was going on,as it's the only way kids lack of reaction makes sense. he probably was fapping or so. And I bet she wouldn't manage to knock and wait out long enough with the lock taken away, so let this kid keep his lock! So it is not ok to tell his mom to fk herself, but given her neurosis (how is she terrified not to reach him in an emergency - just buy a cheap door, you know how to break one after all) and given that he is so easygoing normally (not even defying the noise rule once in a while) while she is overreacting like that, my guess is that of a very patient teen that finally snapped and a mother with lots of issues.
It seems the son had ample opportunity to grunt out a yeah but he chose to ignore her instead. Actions have consequences. This one cost him a door.
Load More Replies...My children don't have locks on their doors but they do have privacy as I knock. My eldest did get a lock (I bought) which could be opened from the outside with a screwdriver due to younger sibling coming into his room. I don't know why a family home needs locks on the door.
Exactly this! No locks on bedroom doors unless there is an issue (often younger siblings) and always make sure the lock can be opened from both sides. In my current home the bedroom doors do have locks but they are a special type. They have little holes in the handle and a gadget we keep in the hallway that unlocks them if we need to (never have). Only the bathroom gets locked but even then you should be able to get in - people often go to the bathroom when feeling ill and might collapse. I have had to use the gadget on the bathroom but only because the lock broke. Safety!!
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