Mother-In-Law Expects To Be Treated The Same As Her Daughter, Husband Can’t Take It Anymore, Family Drama Ensues

MIL is a gold digger.

The wife should have told her mom, get you a man that can provide all the things you want, but my husband is mine, so paws off. To be real this sort of thing happens more than one might think. In my case it was his mother that wanted everything he gave me. It's an awful experience.

MIL started it by bringing it up. Cultural or not, she insulted SIL in front of company - of course he got upset. Why is it people don't ever get mad at the one who instigated the exchange - it's always against the one who responds.

I really hate to say it but it's kinda a cultural thing. While I don't know my mom, my Tias do similar things to their son in laws. Not for the daughter's birthday or anniversary or anything but mother's day is "suppose" to be big and expensive. And they get offenses if the in law wants to go their their own mother's. I really don't understand why they are like this, I haven't seen any of them in 15 years.

NTA...but with the daughters attitude and the way MIL is acting I can foresee a bigger problem....like her moving in, especially after the baby is born

Just say all the necklace money you want is going towards YOUR future grandchildren’s college fund! Then we will know how petty she is.

Until your wife get her mother in check just stop buying gifts for her when the gifts stop she'll get her mother in line.

I find it puzzling that your wife doesn't want you to "hurt" Mama's feelings, but has NO problem with MIL hurting your feelings and treating you like an ATM. You need to cut ALL communication with MIL and let your wife deal with her mother. If she's too juvenile to do that, then you may need a change. Too bad there's a baby on the way to 'muddy the waters'. Good luck.

Stories like this have me totally confused and very angry. His MIL is just that, not his mother and not his responsibility. His wife is the person who should be getting HER mother any gifts, at least choosing them and depending how that couple manages joint income, paying for them or buying something from both of them and paid for however they share common expenses without disclosure to his MIL (her mother). Same should go for HIS parents. Once the child is born they as a couple should decide how to buy the grandparents gifts. The fact that his wife seemed to be out of this picture concerns me and suggests she does not see herself as an independent adult in her own right but is still "mommy's little girl". This problem will escalate once the child is born. I have seen such problems destroy a marriage far too many times. Sometimes the male partner cannot separate from his mother and sometimes it is the female partner who cannot but in either case marriages are destroyed.

Why does your wife let her mother do this to you? She needed to have dealt with this when it first happened. You cannot apologize bc you would have to lie. Just like a spoiled child (everyone in the family sees this & it's OK behavior?) No, it's not cultural, it's spoiled & entitled.

Husband not the a-hole but the MIL and the wife are. Wife needs to grow a spine and tell HER mother to back the eff off. If this continues then maybe the husband should rethink buying the wife expensive things to save himself the headache if his gold digging MIL.

My crazy Mother went to a “psychic”. She said a blonde woman would destroy me and capture me. 15 years of marriage and happier than ever!

Soooo, I had a mom like that. I was the *only one to stand up to her among the 3 of us. My mom did in fact believe that our boyfriends/husbands became hers by default. She MILKED that cow whenever possible. I feel bad for you. Her daughter/your wife should have stopped that in its tracks. It is not going to go well for your marriage if she doesn't. I don't suggest you make anymore open, direct, in front of family... comments to yr MIL. But you should lovingly speak to your wife, as the MIL does not care about putting a crack in or possibly breaking up her daughter's marriage. My BIL used to laugh it off when my mom came at him crazy. I used to feel like I was in a Karate match trying to block my mom. Just excuse yourself from the surrounding area, or don't attend the functions, because you alreadyyyy know***BOUNDARIES are very important for all involved. *** I wish you well...may be, #timeforcounseling (so things don't get worse.) I can tell you love your wife so very much. Good jo

From the sounds of things, the poster out up with mil's....bad trait for a while. While I agree something had to be said, saying it at a family gathering in front of everyone is sure to rub a lot of people the wrong way. Dude isn't an ahole, just fed up.....as he should be. He should apologize for his behavior, but not for what he said. He didn't sugar coat things, just gave her the truth. Truth hurts sometimes.

I kind of like Jazzmadoodle's idea. I'd tell MIL "hey, I just f****d your daughter as a mother's day gift. Wanna be treated the same?" But then I've got no shame and seriously hate entitled, narcissistic people like these.

Please tell me you got a pre-nup! You're going to need it, because if she doesn't rein in money grubbing momma (her mother, her job), you're not going to last.

What about his feelings? He put all that time and effort in to a thoughtful gift because contrary to popular belief he isn't made of money. Mil crushed him. Why is he the only one who doesn't get to have feelings or boundaries? I feel him. My whole life was that way. I am disallowing other people to put any expectations on me anymore. None. Nobody.

This "study" is 100% certainly confirmation bias intended to validate what boomers always knew all along, that nobody can ever be responsible for anything. Give me a break. The quote "unintended consequences" of their children's relationships is perhaps one of the most appalling things I have ever had the displeasure of reading. Grown adults are EXPECTED to know, understand and incorporate into their lives that the world does not revolve around anybody. The MIL needs to grow up and knock off the gaslighting immediately. As for the family-in-law, there apparently isn't a principled one among them. They're trashy af. With respect to Evolutionary Psychological Science journal, their summary serves to disprove evolution rather than making a case for it as it pertains to extended families.

You owe your overly dramatic and way out of line demanding MIL, nothing. If you want to assist her, be cautious and have a Frank and private conversation with your wife. And as for the necklace? Ummmm DAMN. You married into her family, you didn’t actually marry all of them. If your wife sides with you, then she needs to be vocal about it. She doesn’t need to choose, if her own mother makes further demands, or makes her choose, maybe that’s her wake up call. But you are absolutely NTA.

If the daughter would've set (and enforced) boundaries early on, it wouldn't have gotten to this level. Maybe OP lost his cool, but everyone has a breaking point. This MIL isn't just asking for expensive gifts (equal to gifts he gives his wife,) she's ordering, demanding and expecting them. MIL is the AH for doing those things and blaming OP for calling MIL on her BS.

Me and my in-laws the whole family were like bad. Where they all hated me for one reason only. Because I personally refuse to have 100% control over my husband. I wouldn't make him do anything that he didn't want them to do. But now that he is in the hospital. His family has come to see him and help me out with the kids but I am just waiting to see how long till they give up on that too.

NTA: But I will say that after being asked for a certain gift, outrageous though it was, giving her some flowers does seem a little cheap if there was no other gift offered by the wife. That said, MiL is nuts and needs a hard shut down

This entire story is an issue of BOUNDARIES. Bottom line: Don't let people (especially family) cross your boundaries or even push them a little... Bc if you do, you are sending a message that you will let them cross your boundaries in the future... And they will always keep pushing! I went through this... its SO important to learn. Be firm. Not mean, just firm, with a smile. Once people learn you won't be pushed past a "no", they eventually stop trying.

My husband makes double or more than double what my dad makes. My dad never buys my mom anything. My older sister lives at home doesn’t and pay rent or childcare to my mom. My brother just bought a house this year and never buys my mom anything. My little sister just started college and has never worked… Mom’s birthday was the day before Mother’s Day this year. This is the first time I asked her what she wanted, she said new couches. We got her flowers. I know it sucks that half her kids and husband ignores her… but since I’ve been married, I’ve done all her awesome themed birthday parties and no one pitches$ in…. We have 4 kids, rent is too high, and just one income. If this wife is in the same boat, she should not have let it get this far. I said no to my mom. I’m sure she could have too. My husband’s money is to provide for our family, not others. If it were his mom, then I don’t have a say (But she never asks for anything). If my siblings pitched in, we’d be happy to.

Get out. Get out NOW!

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Well, I dunno. I thought children bought their mothers Mothers Day presents. NOT husbands. Now I KNOW that Mothers Day is just a marketing strategy to sell more useless stuff, but REALLY!! And yes your wife SHOULD have bought her mother a present or treat for the day. On he other hand I REALLY suspect that this is just a made up story to fill these pages.

Do not apologize to your MIL. She thinks because you married her daughter that gives her access to your money. Your wife needs to put her mother in her place. She should have been standing up for you. You were not in the wrong. You were honest. Big difference. The only apology that needs to be issued here is to you.

A very wacky story indeed ..you need to shut loser white trash whorey wierd greedy pos MIL down for good .tell her don't ask for s**t period If wife sides with that loser file for divorce ..this is bizarre af

Seeing a strange premonition here: my husband's sister is marrying someone wealthy. My useless father-in-law already has no problem asking either of his sons for money. Set your boundaries dude. I don't know how much the necklace was or why she wanted it so badly but to me, jewelry is a useless gift. You took time and effort to cut flowers and arrange them nicely. She chose to start drama, you just responded and nothing you said would have helped unless you promised to get her the jewelry. The fact that she expects you to buy her things just because you treat your wife is astonishing. And your wife was insulted, mother's to be are allowed to celebrate mother's day, she has a baby inside her, she's a mom. MIL wants gifts? Tell her to bother her other kids.

Of course this guy is not the A-hole, but it definitely could have been handled better. We don't know the values this mil was brought up with. In her family gifts to the mil may be expected and the nature of those gifts may speak volumes. Me I'd much more appropriate the flowers and a necklace would make me uncomfortable, but families are different. For the sake of peace I believe this guy should have swallowed his pride and had a meaningful Convo in private.

If mama wants what daughter has, fine. Take the funds you would have spent on the wife and split it between the two. Problem solved!

Considering the MIL is a widow from Venezuela, I think there is/was a level of cultural expectation that she be brought into her married daughter's household and be taken care of. At minimum, there is likely the expectation that the daughter give mom some money (sending money "home" to take care of family is a super common thing). Neither of those things happened. MIL doesn't live with them, and daughter and husband don't send her living expense money. She might be using these "hints" for gifts and things as a way to promote them to fill this obligation. The other thing which may be at play is the expectation that, since the poster has no mother, that MIL step in and be accepted in that role.

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These AITA's are starting to get boring. My brother-in-law killed my cat and cooked it to feed his dog. AITA for reporting him to the police? My mother-in-law beat up my three-year-old son when she had to watch him. AITA for forbidding him to visit her? At some point, they are no longer AITA' s: there's no real discussion of borderline behavior anymore, just a search for public consent after doing what everyone else would have done.

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This whole story is B******t. Not one word is true, read how he writes, nothing there says educated nor comes from money. Keep believing this B******t, it makes the world a better place.

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OP should have told his MIL to get down on her knees and he should have acted like he was gonna whip it out. When MIL looks surprised, all OP had to say is, "If you want me to treat you like I treat your daughter, you need to be able to do what she does." I'd bet that MIL would never expect things again.

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As often with AITA I am not quite as quick to absolve the OP entirely: Granted MIL is an absolute delusional AH in her behavior, but to me it looks much like the backstory conveniently left out by OP is about his wife wanting to support her mother better, but being unable for earning little and OP being unwilling to help her there (note that he mentions how MIL struggles financially, but not that they support her in any way, only how close MIL and wife are). I don´t know about you, but if I was loaded my partner dearly wanted to support his parents better (also knowing how they struggled to raise him) and didn´t have the means, I´d help him with it. And from what I know about south american culture supporting the parents is considered a joint matrimonial effort more than in US.