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Mom Asks If She’s A Jerk For Giving Her Daughter An Ultimatum Because She Got A Tattoo, Gets A Reality Check
Mom Asks If She’s A Jerk For Giving Her Daughter An Ultimatum Because She Got A Tattoo, Gets A Reality Check
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Mom Asks If She’s A Jerk For Giving Her Daughter An Ultimatum Because She Got A Tattoo, Gets A Reality Check

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Getting your first tattoo is nerve-wracking. It’s impossible to know exactly how that needle will feel until it pierces your skin, and there’s always a fear in the back of your mind that the piece won’t turn out exactly how you pictured it. But even if the artwork is done perfectly, your loved ones might still have a hard time supporting your choice to get permanent ink.

One mother in particular, who describes herself as “very anti-tattoo,” decided that if her daughter is going to have body art, she won’t be allowed to show it at home. Below, you can find the full story that this mom shared on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit, as well as a conversation with blogger and mother Cheri Gregory.

RELATED:

    This woman’s daughter respected her wishes and waited until finishing her undergraduate degree to get inked

    Tattoo artist in blue gloves working on a person's arm tattoo, highlighting a key issue in mother-daughter relationships.

    Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)

    But now that she’s moved back home, her mom has decided to enforce new rules surrounding her tattoo

    Text conversation about a mom giving her daughter an ultimatum over a tattoo.

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    Text reads, "Since I was paying for her undergrad, she followed my rules," discussing mom's ultimatum over a tattoo.

    Text about a mom's reaction to her daughter's butterfly tattoo on her shoulder before grad school.

    Text in image expressing dislike for a tattoo discovered months ago.

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    An older woman in white, looking stressed and holding her face, sits at a table with a phone, reflecting on a parenting ultimatum.

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    Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual photo)

    Text about a mom giving her daughter an ultimatum related to covering a tattoo at home.

    Text of a conversation about house rules, tattoos, and living arrangements between a mom and her daughter.

    Text discusses a mom's ultimatum to her daughter over a tattoo and mentions living arrangements related to an unpaid internship.

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    Text from mother questioning her reaction to daughter's tattoo choice.

    Image credits: throwawaymom2234

    “It can feel like they’re rejecting everything she stands for, dismissing everything she ever tried to teach them”

    Regardless of anyone’s personal feelings about tattoos, there’s no question that they’re incredibly common. According to Saved Tattoo, at least 35% of Americans have one or more tattoos, and about 9% of people in the US have at least 6 pieces of ink. They’re quite popular around the world as well, as EarthWeb reports that 48% of Italy’s population, 47% of residents in Sweden and 43% of people in Australia are tatted up as well. Women are slightly more likely to get some permanent body ink, with 59% of women around the globe having at least one tattoo, compared to only 41% of all men.

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    To learn more about what it’s like to be a parent whose child comes home with tattoos, we reached out to blogger and mother Cheri Gregory. When it comes to why parents sometimes have a hard time accepting their children’s tattoos, Cheri noted that “when a mother holds strong religious beliefs against tattoos but her children gets inked anyway, it can feel like they’re rejecting everything she stands for, dismissing everything she ever tried to teach them, and discarding everything she ever did for them.”

    “I had no clue how much emotion and meaning tattoos could carry until my daughter got full sleeves,” Cheri told Bored Panda. “I’d spent my life trying to ‘keep up appearances’; when Annemarie got all that ink, I felt suddenly exposed. Living in a small conservative religious community, I dreaded how quickly ‘Have you seen Pastor Gregory’s daughter … ?’ would spread and how harshly my husband and I would be judged for her choices.”

    We also asked Cheri if she believes parents should have a say in whether or not their adult children get tattoos. “I think it’s less about having ‘a say’ and more about having ongoing conversations about underlying values,” she shared. “When Annemarie got her tattoos, we were supporting her through college. I now recognize that part of my anger over her ink was because she’d spent hundreds of dollars on something I considered ‘frivolous,’ while I was forgoing new shoes in order to afford her college textbooks. If we’d been having ongoing conversations about financial responsibility, her tattoos would have signaled the need to renegotiate who was paying for what. (And I would have gone out and bought myself some new shoes!)”

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    Close-up of a person's arm featuring several tattoos, including a film reel and a motorcycle.

    Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

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    “She sees her body as her canvas, and her ‘ink’ as another way of displaying her art”

    Cheri also shared that she too asked her daughter to cover up her tattoos at first, so that she wouldn’t have to see them. “But no matter how many turtlenecks she wore, I still obsessed over them — lamenting that she’d gotten them, wondering what I’d done wrong as a mom, praying that she’d have them removed,” she admitted. “When I finally realized that covering things up doesn’t make them go away, I sought a counselor who could help me understand why my daughter’s tattoos bothered me so much.”

    “At one point, Annemarie asked me, ‘Do you have any idea how hard it is that my own mother refuses to look at me if my tattoos are showing?’ That question broke my heart,” Cheri told Bored Panda. “I’d been raised by a legalistic mother, so I did know what it felt like to be on the receiving end of conditional, performance-based love. I decided that having a strong relationship with my daughter was more important to me than clinging to the belief that she was wrong and I was right. ‘I choose to become a mother who changes’ became my new mantra.”

    “When I finally asked Annemarie to tell me about her tattoos, I was deeply moved by the stories she told me,” Cheri continued. “Her perspective is so different from the negative programming I grew up with regarding tattoos; she sees her body as her canvas, and her ‘ink’ as another way of displaying her art.”

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    Tattoo artist using a machine to ink a person's arm in a studio setting.

    Tattoo artist using a machine to ink a person's arm in a studio setting.

    Image credits: Antoni Shkraba (not the actual photo)

    “Practice curiosity about why they chose to get tatted and what their tattoos mean to them”

    Cheri’s advice for this particular mother on Reddit is: “First, don’t dump your immediate pain on your child. Process with someone who can help you gain perspective, like a therapist. Second, don’t let your strong reactions eclipse your love for your child. Prioritize your relationship. Third, don’t assume that you automatically know your child’s perspective. Practice curiosity about why they chose to get tatted and what their tattoos mean to them.”

    And even though it’s been 8+ years since Cheri first saw her daughter’s tattoos, she says that she empathizes with the OP. “I can still feel my initial reactions: shock and shame, fear and anger,” she shared. “In hindsight, I can see how stuck in black-and-white thinking I was back then. Examining the inherent biases and underlying prejudices that drove my thoughts, feelings, and reactions has been hard… and incredibly worthwhile.”

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    We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. How do you feel about tattoos? And do you think this mother was being unreasonable? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article featuring a tattoo that caused family drama, look no further than right here

    A mom and daughter in sweaters share an emotional moment together, reflecting on a tattoo-related ultimatum.

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    A mom and daughter in sweaters share an emotional moment together, reflecting on a tattoo-related ultimatum.

    Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

    Readers were quick to give the mother a reality check, noting that her daughter is an adult with bodily autonomy

    A Reddit comment discusses a mother's ultimatum over a daughter's tattoo decision.

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    Online comment discussing a mom's ultimatum about her daughter's tattoo, suggesting it affects their relationship.

    Text conversation discussing daughter’s autonomy and tattoos, referencing a mother's ultimatum.

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    Comment criticizing mom's ultimatum over daughter's tattoo, questioning reasons for control.

    Online comment questioning a mom's ultimatum to her daughter about tattoos, offering a contrasting perspective.

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    Text discussing a mom's reaction to her daughter's tattoo, offering a reality check on being reasonable and understanding.

    Text discussing a mom's ultimatum to her daughter about a tattoo and the resulting critique.

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    Comment criticizing a mom for giving her daughter a tattoo ultimatum, implying future estrangement.

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    Comment about a mom giving her daughter an ultimatum over a tattoo, highlighting potential relationship issues.

    Comment discussing a mom's ultimatum to her daughter over a tattoo, highlighting contradictions in her rules.

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    Online comment discussing a mom criticizing her daughter over a tattoo, emphasizing pride and support for her education.

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    Comment discussing tattoos, suggesting it's not a big deal.

    Text comment discussing a mom's ultimatum over her daughter's tattoo.

    Comment criticizing a mom for giving her daughter an ultimatum over a tattoo decision.

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    Comment criticizing a mom's ultimatum about her daughter's tattoo choice, warning it may damage their relationship.

    Comment addressing daughter's tattoo and mom's ultimatum, emphasizing relationship impact and focusing on positive aspects.

    Comment questioning if a mom is judgmental, related to daughter's tattoo ultimatum.

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    Adelaide May Ross

    Adelaide May Ross

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

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    Howdy, I'm Adelaide! I'm originally from Texas, but after graduating from university with an acting degree, I relocated to sunny Los Angeles for a while. I then got a serious bite from the travel bug and found myself moving to Sweden and England before settling in Lithuania about three years ago. I'm passionate about animal welfare, sustainability and eating delicious food. But as you can see, I cover a wide range of topics including drama, internet trends and hilarious memes. I can easily be won over with a Seinfeld reference, vegan pastry or glass of fresh cold brew. And during my free time, I can usually be seen strolling through a park, playing tennis or baking something tasty.

    Read less »
    Adelaide May Ross

    Adelaide May Ross

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Howdy, I'm Adelaide! I'm originally from Texas, but after graduating from university with an acting degree, I relocated to sunny Los Angeles for a while. I then got a serious bite from the travel bug and found myself moving to Sweden and England before settling in Lithuania about three years ago. I'm passionate about animal welfare, sustainability and eating delicious food. But as you can see, I cover a wide range of topics including drama, internet trends and hilarious memes. I can easily be won over with a Seinfeld reference, vegan pastry or glass of fresh cold brew. And during my free time, I can usually be seen strolling through a park, playing tennis or baking something tasty.

    What do you think ?
    Sonja
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think the one commenter was spot on. The message this woman gives is that her love of her daughter is conditional. And the condition she makes is arbitrary and cruel. She decides that having her way and making decisions about her daughter's body is more important to her than her daughter's wellbeing. And that she'll punish her daughter for liking things she doesn't like, using her needs against her to do so. That shows she doesn't love her daughter enough to respect her. This is not about anything illegal or seriously inconveniencing. This is not about something her daughter can just stop doing while she's at home. No matter how anyone thinks about tattoos, and I do believe everyone is entitled to their own opinion on this topic, it's still true that the tattoo is now part of her daughter and part of her expression of herself. And what this 'mom' is doing is telling her that just a bit of ink at her shoulder is enough to lose her moms acceptance despite anything else that she does.

    Vix Spiderthrust
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Threatening to make your kids homeless is a d1ck move, end of conversation.

    Ash
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You're absolutely right. I ended up having to leave my parents' house during the pandemic even tho I didn't have a job. My brother, who had a place of his own, liked to visit every weekend. The problem was that he worked in a high school that wasn't closed, so there was a good chance of his bringing COVID home. Both my parents and I were high-risk for COVID, and my parents REFUSED to ask him not to visit. They effectively made me homeless; I had to move in with friends for a year until I could find a job. I have never forgiven them, and though I'm still in limited contact with them, our relationship will truly never be the same.

    Load More Replies...
    sturmwesen
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mom hated tattoos but it was always "I prefer you had none ..." Without real heat behind it. She even wrote her initial to use as a memorial tattoo when she was terminal ill because it was what I wanted. This mother however is a grade a a******

    Joelle Jansen
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This lady is making an arbitrary rule and gatekeeping her financial support behind that dumb rule. This is a great way to lose contact with your kid as soon as they're no longer financially dependent on you.

    Oerff On Tour
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Basically you gave her permission to get the tattoo. Just because you don't like her choice AS AN ADULT, you have no say in it. Now you are restricting her future and her psychological well-being, AFTER your basic consent. You ARE in the wrong. If your love for your daughter is dependent on your aversion of something as trivial as a tattoo, you are demonstrating YOU DON'T LOVE HER UNCONDITIONALLY.

    Gaming Chicken
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She followed your rules and when she started becoming independent you decided to move the goal post. Personally I hate the idea of getting a tattoo for myself but if someone wants one get a good one.

    birdhouse
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When you are old and alone and wonder why your daughter isn't around...remember this. You will loose you daughter over a butterfly tattoo.

    DarkViolet
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    YTA. You're willing to take a sledgehammer to your relationship with your daughter over a butterfly tattoo? Seriously? She kept her part of the original bargain: as long as you were paying for school, no tattoo. Now that SHE'S paying for school, you're still trying to control her life? The first opportunity she has to move out on her own and cut you out of her life may be closer than you think. It may be your house and your rules, but interfering with someone's body autonomy is stepping wa-a-a-ay over the line, which is precisely what you are doing. Eventually your daughter will be on her own--with the tattoo. She may move away, get engaged, and married--while still bearing her tattoo. You may very well miss out on those special life events. But look at the bright side: at least you won't have to look at that tattoo.

    Gregory Mead
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And can you imagine if OP has a sleeveless wedding dress? Oh, the horror. Mom will just die of shame!

    Load More Replies...
    Monday
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If the tattoo was a beheaded child when the mother lost a kid to beheading I'd understand the reaction but a damn butterfly? Wtf is wrong with people.

    Ace
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I stopped reading after "I am very anti-tattoo". I don't ever want a tattoo myself, I don't like the idea at all and don't really understand people who do. But to make it a character trait and try to force that in others is a sign of a mental disorder,

    lenka
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    YTA. Is this really the hill you want to die on? Your daughter has just realised that your love for her is conditional. Get over yourself or risk losing your relationship with her.

    Craig Reynolds
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The mom is TA and knows it. She's on Reddit, hoping someone will agree with her and reinforce her confirmation bias. That mom better think about when she is old and wants her daughter's help. It would be perfect karma if the daughter put her own non-negotiable conditions on that help. Ex: No, mom, you cannot live with me. You will go in the care home of my choice.

    Yer maw 󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I will never understand parents who put their own preferences over their children’s happiness. My love for my kids will never be conditionally on them following some made up rule that realistically makes no difference to me. Are there things I’d rather my kids didn’t do? Sure, but I’ve raised them to be their own people, to prioritise their own happiness, that includes over mine. Being a decent human being and hoping I’ve raised them without f*****g them up is the best I can ever ask for. There comes a point you need to let your kids go and be the independent individuals you’ve spent their life teaching them to be.

    Niki A
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pump the brakes.... you want her to cover up at home because a butterfly tattoo is gross? You sound really controlling and abrasive. Your daughter is an adult. YOU are an adult. Act like it. If a tattoo is enough for you to throw her out, then be prepared to go NC. Once she doesn't need you, you will be of no use to her at all since you are so judgmental.

    TK 421
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP is a hypocrite. I’m sure they did EXACTLY as their parents told them all their life and NEVER challenged them or their authority.

    Corvus
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Being someone's parent doesn't mean you can control their life... especially after they've grown up.

    T J R
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you think you are the a*****e, you most certainly ARE the a*****e.

    Nona Wolf
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Years ago, my mom had a stupid fight with my brother. She gave him the "cold treatment" because she disapproved of his girlfriend. Two weeks later my brother was killed in a car accident. My mother still agonizes over the fact that her last words to her son were filled with bitterness. Life is short - love while you still can.

    Rahul Pawa
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP is doing an excellent job of ensuring her daughter will leave her alone for the rest of her life. Seriously, the whole "my house my rules" attitude only serves to push away your children once they're no longer financially dependent on you.

    StumblingThroughLife
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A controlling parent, at the end of the day.

    Gavin Johnson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My body, my choice. No one gets to dictate what I wear, what tattoos I have (or indeed don’t have done), where I have piercings, how I cut my hair, how my beard looks, what shoes I wear. You do you, I’ll do me. If it offends you then just move out of the way I’m moving forward without you.

    Kristi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lol "move out of the way" for a grown adult to move back home with mommy? Did you even read the story? Didnt say anywhere that the mom forbid daughter from getting tattoos or anything.. just doesnt want it in her own home? And moving back in with mommy isnt moving "forward without you" its moving backwards and needing mommy's help

    Load More Replies...
    Abner_Mality
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    2 wrongs here, mother doesn't respect her daughter's body autonomy AND DD shouldn't be forced to do an unpaid internship! DD deserves much better!!

    Nigel Sulley
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ESH.. not a fan of controlling parents, and not a fan of grown adults moving back home for free then complaining about stupid rules.. sounds like family therapy could do these 2 some good.

    Beck
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had my own place and a daughter at 18 when I got my first tattoo. About a year later mom saw it sticking out of my shirt and freaked. (1998ish). Now, she loves all my daughter's tattoos and has agreed to go get a matching ghost tattoo with my daughter and I. We all love ghost stuff. People can change.

    Beck
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also, do people read the info in between the actual aita article? Like the bored panda part? Just wondering. I don't.

    Load More Replies...
    BakedKahuna
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Everyone should be allowed to express themselves and show who they are

    Julie Snelling
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This could be me both my parents hate tattoos and I have a small butterfly on my shoulder but they just put up with it!

    justanotherhuman
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "no i have the rights to decide what you do with/to your body!!" stfu and sit down lady or you'll lose a daughter

    The Doom Song
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My parents hate tattoos. I have 10. My brother has one. My partner (thier SIL) has 4. We are grown a*s adults and every single one of our tattoos are professionally done. But My parents are just like "your body" and don't really say much when I rock up at their house with new ink

    Allison B
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    YTA. My sister has a good amount of tattoos and my mom doesn't like them. She thinks they're a "waste of money" However she's never threatened to have my sister banned from the house or anything like that. She just ignores it.

    Nikki Sevven
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    YTA, lady. Take it from a fellow 58yo woman who dealt with a mother whose love was conditional on "her rules". I didn't grieve when my mother died. She was a controlling, selfish AH just like you. She loved me when I did what she wanted me to do, and criticized me when I lived my life the way I wanted. You have an amazing daughter who is working her åss off to make her life meaningful, and all you can do is shît on her because she's not exactly like you. She's not your mini-me; she's an individual with her own views and interests. Keep up your büllshit, and you'll lose her. Trust me on this.

    Gramma Evans
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am not pro tattoo. But Revelations 19:16 says Jesus has one on his thigh! So it can’t be a bad thing. It is a matter of personal preference.

    Zoe Duddle
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What a weird woman. Would the daughter have to wear a wig at home if she got a haircut the mum didn’t like?

    Tee Wallace
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mom HATES tattoos and I have many of them, she was always very vocal about her dislike however she never once threatened me with homelessness if I got one. This is such a controlling thing and it is honestly a very c**p wituation for the daughter. She is putting conditions on her child and that's not ok.

    Kristi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This story seems to come more from the daughter pov than the mother just to make her look bad... I find it interesting that most people saying YTA side with most parents about "my house my rules" especially when dealing with grown adults moving back home.. why is the mom the villain? She is providing free room and only has the one rule. She has every right to not like tattoos just as much as you guys have the right to love them.. and the bs about loving a daughter unconditionally is applied wrong here.. she never said she didnt love her daughter.. she just hates tattoos.. daughter knew the rules and hid the fact she got one for half a year so she knew what problems this would make.. dont like the rules? then, as an adult, find other living arrangements. I mean seriously, who bitches about a "stupid rule" when getting a free place to stay? She isnt a child anymore.

    Gregory Mead
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just because you have the right to make rules doesn't mean that the rules aren't d**k moves. And the OP DID follow the rules, she didn't get a tat while in undergrad. "she never said she didnt love her daughter.. she just hates tattoos.. " - yes apparently more than she loves the daughter. Real nice.

    Load More Replies...
    -
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is the mother willing to be known as "the mother who was willing to make her daughter homeless over a butterfly tattoo on the shoulder"? I'm glad she had doubts about her rule. The story is over a year old, don't know the outcome. Maybe the daughter wore a a band aid over the tattoo.

    Seabeast
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Honestly, anyone who hasn't noticed that tattoos are pretty mainstream these days simply hasn't been paying attention. I don't really care for them myself, but it's not as if I'm forced to get one.

    Yu Pan
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Op"s daughter modified her body and Op doesn't like it. At a time like this, one has to fight fire with fire. Op should also modify her body by gauging op's own eyes out. That'll show the daughter that two can play that game.

    Angela C
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    YTA. Is this really the hill you're willing to let your relationship with your daughter die on? She's the same person she was before she had a tattoo. Don't be surprised if once she moves out she has minimal contact with you

    Yu Pan
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I bet that butterfly tattoo is a better look than a judgemental mother's face.

    Boredest Disabled Panda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People get upset over the dumbest things. I went to the bank the other day, and who helped me but a nice lady with tattoos on her arms. Tattoos are not that controversial anymore and frankly never should have been.

    Sea Squirrel
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's been a year since this attention seeking egocentric mom posted her story ... and she still gets what she wants.

    Brobro McDuderson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA, your house your rules. I don’t personally agree with it, but me (nor her) have to agree with it…they’re your rules. And whether I (or anyone else) agree with it or not, mom has been pretty consistent with expectations on the tattoos.

    Sonja
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think the one commenter was spot on. The message this woman gives is that her love of her daughter is conditional. And the condition she makes is arbitrary and cruel. She decides that having her way and making decisions about her daughter's body is more important to her than her daughter's wellbeing. And that she'll punish her daughter for liking things she doesn't like, using her needs against her to do so. That shows she doesn't love her daughter enough to respect her. This is not about anything illegal or seriously inconveniencing. This is not about something her daughter can just stop doing while she's at home. No matter how anyone thinks about tattoos, and I do believe everyone is entitled to their own opinion on this topic, it's still true that the tattoo is now part of her daughter and part of her expression of herself. And what this 'mom' is doing is telling her that just a bit of ink at her shoulder is enough to lose her moms acceptance despite anything else that she does.

    Vix Spiderthrust
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Threatening to make your kids homeless is a d1ck move, end of conversation.

    Ash
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You're absolutely right. I ended up having to leave my parents' house during the pandemic even tho I didn't have a job. My brother, who had a place of his own, liked to visit every weekend. The problem was that he worked in a high school that wasn't closed, so there was a good chance of his bringing COVID home. Both my parents and I were high-risk for COVID, and my parents REFUSED to ask him not to visit. They effectively made me homeless; I had to move in with friends for a year until I could find a job. I have never forgiven them, and though I'm still in limited contact with them, our relationship will truly never be the same.

    Load More Replies...
    sturmwesen
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mom hated tattoos but it was always "I prefer you had none ..." Without real heat behind it. She even wrote her initial to use as a memorial tattoo when she was terminal ill because it was what I wanted. This mother however is a grade a a******

    Joelle Jansen
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This lady is making an arbitrary rule and gatekeeping her financial support behind that dumb rule. This is a great way to lose contact with your kid as soon as they're no longer financially dependent on you.

    Oerff On Tour
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Basically you gave her permission to get the tattoo. Just because you don't like her choice AS AN ADULT, you have no say in it. Now you are restricting her future and her psychological well-being, AFTER your basic consent. You ARE in the wrong. If your love for your daughter is dependent on your aversion of something as trivial as a tattoo, you are demonstrating YOU DON'T LOVE HER UNCONDITIONALLY.

    Gaming Chicken
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She followed your rules and when she started becoming independent you decided to move the goal post. Personally I hate the idea of getting a tattoo for myself but if someone wants one get a good one.

    birdhouse
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When you are old and alone and wonder why your daughter isn't around...remember this. You will loose you daughter over a butterfly tattoo.

    DarkViolet
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    YTA. You're willing to take a sledgehammer to your relationship with your daughter over a butterfly tattoo? Seriously? She kept her part of the original bargain: as long as you were paying for school, no tattoo. Now that SHE'S paying for school, you're still trying to control her life? The first opportunity she has to move out on her own and cut you out of her life may be closer than you think. It may be your house and your rules, but interfering with someone's body autonomy is stepping wa-a-a-ay over the line, which is precisely what you are doing. Eventually your daughter will be on her own--with the tattoo. She may move away, get engaged, and married--while still bearing her tattoo. You may very well miss out on those special life events. But look at the bright side: at least you won't have to look at that tattoo.

    Gregory Mead
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And can you imagine if OP has a sleeveless wedding dress? Oh, the horror. Mom will just die of shame!

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    Monday
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If the tattoo was a beheaded child when the mother lost a kid to beheading I'd understand the reaction but a damn butterfly? Wtf is wrong with people.

    Ace
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I stopped reading after "I am very anti-tattoo". I don't ever want a tattoo myself, I don't like the idea at all and don't really understand people who do. But to make it a character trait and try to force that in others is a sign of a mental disorder,

    lenka
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    YTA. Is this really the hill you want to die on? Your daughter has just realised that your love for her is conditional. Get over yourself or risk losing your relationship with her.

    Craig Reynolds
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The mom is TA and knows it. She's on Reddit, hoping someone will agree with her and reinforce her confirmation bias. That mom better think about when she is old and wants her daughter's help. It would be perfect karma if the daughter put her own non-negotiable conditions on that help. Ex: No, mom, you cannot live with me. You will go in the care home of my choice.

    Yer maw 󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I will never understand parents who put their own preferences over their children’s happiness. My love for my kids will never be conditionally on them following some made up rule that realistically makes no difference to me. Are there things I’d rather my kids didn’t do? Sure, but I’ve raised them to be their own people, to prioritise their own happiness, that includes over mine. Being a decent human being and hoping I’ve raised them without f*****g them up is the best I can ever ask for. There comes a point you need to let your kids go and be the independent individuals you’ve spent their life teaching them to be.

    Niki A
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pump the brakes.... you want her to cover up at home because a butterfly tattoo is gross? You sound really controlling and abrasive. Your daughter is an adult. YOU are an adult. Act like it. If a tattoo is enough for you to throw her out, then be prepared to go NC. Once she doesn't need you, you will be of no use to her at all since you are so judgmental.

    TK 421
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP is a hypocrite. I’m sure they did EXACTLY as their parents told them all their life and NEVER challenged them or their authority.

    Corvus
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Being someone's parent doesn't mean you can control their life... especially after they've grown up.

    T J R
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you think you are the a*****e, you most certainly ARE the a*****e.

    Nona Wolf
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Years ago, my mom had a stupid fight with my brother. She gave him the "cold treatment" because she disapproved of his girlfriend. Two weeks later my brother was killed in a car accident. My mother still agonizes over the fact that her last words to her son were filled with bitterness. Life is short - love while you still can.

    Rahul Pawa
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP is doing an excellent job of ensuring her daughter will leave her alone for the rest of her life. Seriously, the whole "my house my rules" attitude only serves to push away your children once they're no longer financially dependent on you.

    StumblingThroughLife
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A controlling parent, at the end of the day.

    Gavin Johnson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My body, my choice. No one gets to dictate what I wear, what tattoos I have (or indeed don’t have done), where I have piercings, how I cut my hair, how my beard looks, what shoes I wear. You do you, I’ll do me. If it offends you then just move out of the way I’m moving forward without you.

    Kristi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lol "move out of the way" for a grown adult to move back home with mommy? Did you even read the story? Didnt say anywhere that the mom forbid daughter from getting tattoos or anything.. just doesnt want it in her own home? And moving back in with mommy isnt moving "forward without you" its moving backwards and needing mommy's help

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    Abner_Mality
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    2 wrongs here, mother doesn't respect her daughter's body autonomy AND DD shouldn't be forced to do an unpaid internship! DD deserves much better!!

    Nigel Sulley
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ESH.. not a fan of controlling parents, and not a fan of grown adults moving back home for free then complaining about stupid rules.. sounds like family therapy could do these 2 some good.

    Beck
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had my own place and a daughter at 18 when I got my first tattoo. About a year later mom saw it sticking out of my shirt and freaked. (1998ish). Now, she loves all my daughter's tattoos and has agreed to go get a matching ghost tattoo with my daughter and I. We all love ghost stuff. People can change.

    Beck
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also, do people read the info in between the actual aita article? Like the bored panda part? Just wondering. I don't.

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    BakedKahuna
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Everyone should be allowed to express themselves and show who they are

    Julie Snelling
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This could be me both my parents hate tattoos and I have a small butterfly on my shoulder but they just put up with it!

    justanotherhuman
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "no i have the rights to decide what you do with/to your body!!" stfu and sit down lady or you'll lose a daughter

    The Doom Song
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My parents hate tattoos. I have 10. My brother has one. My partner (thier SIL) has 4. We are grown a*s adults and every single one of our tattoos are professionally done. But My parents are just like "your body" and don't really say much when I rock up at their house with new ink

    Allison B
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    YTA. My sister has a good amount of tattoos and my mom doesn't like them. She thinks they're a "waste of money" However she's never threatened to have my sister banned from the house or anything like that. She just ignores it.

    Nikki Sevven
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    YTA, lady. Take it from a fellow 58yo woman who dealt with a mother whose love was conditional on "her rules". I didn't grieve when my mother died. She was a controlling, selfish AH just like you. She loved me when I did what she wanted me to do, and criticized me when I lived my life the way I wanted. You have an amazing daughter who is working her åss off to make her life meaningful, and all you can do is shît on her because she's not exactly like you. She's not your mini-me; she's an individual with her own views and interests. Keep up your büllshit, and you'll lose her. Trust me on this.

    Gramma Evans
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am not pro tattoo. But Revelations 19:16 says Jesus has one on his thigh! So it can’t be a bad thing. It is a matter of personal preference.

    Zoe Duddle
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What a weird woman. Would the daughter have to wear a wig at home if she got a haircut the mum didn’t like?

    Tee Wallace
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mom HATES tattoos and I have many of them, she was always very vocal about her dislike however she never once threatened me with homelessness if I got one. This is such a controlling thing and it is honestly a very c**p wituation for the daughter. She is putting conditions on her child and that's not ok.

    Kristi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This story seems to come more from the daughter pov than the mother just to make her look bad... I find it interesting that most people saying YTA side with most parents about "my house my rules" especially when dealing with grown adults moving back home.. why is the mom the villain? She is providing free room and only has the one rule. She has every right to not like tattoos just as much as you guys have the right to love them.. and the bs about loving a daughter unconditionally is applied wrong here.. she never said she didnt love her daughter.. she just hates tattoos.. daughter knew the rules and hid the fact she got one for half a year so she knew what problems this would make.. dont like the rules? then, as an adult, find other living arrangements. I mean seriously, who bitches about a "stupid rule" when getting a free place to stay? She isnt a child anymore.

    Gregory Mead
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just because you have the right to make rules doesn't mean that the rules aren't d**k moves. And the OP DID follow the rules, she didn't get a tat while in undergrad. "she never said she didnt love her daughter.. she just hates tattoos.. " - yes apparently more than she loves the daughter. Real nice.

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    -
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is the mother willing to be known as "the mother who was willing to make her daughter homeless over a butterfly tattoo on the shoulder"? I'm glad she had doubts about her rule. The story is over a year old, don't know the outcome. Maybe the daughter wore a a band aid over the tattoo.

    Seabeast
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Honestly, anyone who hasn't noticed that tattoos are pretty mainstream these days simply hasn't been paying attention. I don't really care for them myself, but it's not as if I'm forced to get one.

    Yu Pan
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Op"s daughter modified her body and Op doesn't like it. At a time like this, one has to fight fire with fire. Op should also modify her body by gauging op's own eyes out. That'll show the daughter that two can play that game.

    Angela C
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    YTA. Is this really the hill you're willing to let your relationship with your daughter die on? She's the same person she was before she had a tattoo. Don't be surprised if once she moves out she has minimal contact with you

    Yu Pan
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I bet that butterfly tattoo is a better look than a judgemental mother's face.

    Boredest Disabled Panda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People get upset over the dumbest things. I went to the bank the other day, and who helped me but a nice lady with tattoos on her arms. Tattoos are not that controversial anymore and frankly never should have been.

    Sea Squirrel
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's been a year since this attention seeking egocentric mom posted her story ... and she still gets what she wants.

    Brobro McDuderson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA, your house your rules. I don’t personally agree with it, but me (nor her) have to agree with it…they’re your rules. And whether I (or anyone else) agree with it or not, mom has been pretty consistent with expectations on the tattoos.

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