“Both Got Their Noses Pierced”: Woman Gives Ultimatum To Parents Who Violated Her Trust
A great part of being close to your family, if you are a young couple, is the ability to outsource babysitting. After all, who better to look after your kids than the very people who raised you? The answer, unsurprisingly, is that some parents should not be left unsupervised with your kids, as some stories online prove.
A mom was enraged to learn that her parents pieced her two-year-old’s ears explicitly against her wishes. So she turned to the internet to ask for some advice. Bored Panda reached out to OP via Reddit and will update the story when she gets back to us.
Outsourcing babysitting to one’s parents is a classic move
Image credits: Valeria Boltneva / Pexels (not the actual photo)
But one mom was shocked to discover that her parents had pierced her toddler’s ears without her permission
Image credits: Carla Schizzi / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Alex Green / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: New_Army_5718
Image credits: Felipe Cespedes / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Boundaries and trust go hand in hand
OP has every right to feel unhappy and angry. After all, her boundaries and trust were broken by her parents, the two people who she should have been able to rely on at all times. Even worse, her parents acted explicitly against her wishes and violated her child’s autonomy at the same time. In a perfect world, people would understand how their actions affect others, but in lieu of that, we have to make due. This is why it’s not only vital to communicate, but to have the courage to get up and leave, if necessary. Most relationships don’t get better just by hoping and doing nothing.
Personal boundaries and, by extension, the boundaries around one’s kids are a pretty important part of any healthy relationship. On the surface, it might seem counterintuitive, as boundaries sound restrictive and limiting. But ultimately, we all have boundaries, whether the other person knows them or not. If ours are overstepped, it’s up to us to communicate that.
Image credits: Engin Akyurt / Pexels (not the actual photo)
OP has the right idea to get her point across to the parents
In that regard, OP did the right thing. She and her husband immediately informed the parents that they were quite unhappy with what they did and broke contact. The fact that the parents simply do not understand what they did wrong is also troubling, although there is a decent chance they are simply stubborn and refuse to admit it. Unfortunately, intergenerational conflicts often arise in these sorts of cases, which is why it’s vital to communicate, but remain firm. Just because the other person truly doesn’t see your side doesn’t mean you are wrong.
Regardless, OP and her husband are within their rights to cut contact and even make an ultimatum. While it might, at first glance seem strange and a bit childish, it does actually help make the parents understand the issue with their actions. After all, the parents immediately refuse, because of course they would.
Image credits: Marcus Aurelius / Pexels (not the actual photo)
This can, hopefully, be a learning experience
If they take a moment to reflect, they might see the parallels between their daughter’s experience and their own. After all, she didn’t seem to consent to getting her ears pierced. Indeed, she can’t even consent in the first place, however, her parental figure gave explicit orders to not do it. This was all thrown out the window because they don’t want to make a painful, cosmetic change for the approval of someone else. Ironic.
Consequences are, ultimately, an important learning tool for anyone. As OP’s story demonstrates, it’s not just kids who need to encounter consequences to understand why what they did was wrong, adults are just as capable.
This also communicates to them that their actions will have consequences for their relationship, which is an integral part of having solid boundaries. Psychologists believe that, in the long run both a person’s mental health and their relationships will greatly benefit, if they communicate boundaries and then follow through enforcing them.
OP shared some more details
Readers were shocked by the parent’s behavior
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
First off, your parents do not have a right to see your children: it's a privilege. If they abuse it, as they did, you are well within your right to not let them see your children. After all, they've proven that you can't trust them, right? And who lets their children with someone the parents don't trust? Set your boundaries and stick to them: this is a hill to die on.
Any post about someone piercing another person's kid's ears has a comment about the place doing it without a guardian's consent. I've never seen a piercing place that requires the adult to prove legal guardianship. The adult claiming it is enough. Do other countries (or even US states) require proof of guardianship for piercings?
The shop that I went to in my hometown required both proof of guardianship and the kid to confirm consent without the ability of the guardian to pressure them. Minimum age was, I think, seven? It depends on the shop from my experience. This was a proper piercing shop, that would not use piercing guns (those things should be illegal).
Load More Replies... First off, your parents do not have a right to see your children: it's a privilege. If they abuse it, as they did, you are well within your right to not let them see your children. After all, they've proven that you can't trust them, right? And who lets their children with someone the parents don't trust? Set your boundaries and stick to them: this is a hill to die on.
Any post about someone piercing another person's kid's ears has a comment about the place doing it without a guardian's consent. I've never seen a piercing place that requires the adult to prove legal guardianship. The adult claiming it is enough. Do other countries (or even US states) require proof of guardianship for piercings?
The shop that I went to in my hometown required both proof of guardianship and the kid to confirm consent without the ability of the guardian to pressure them. Minimum age was, I think, seven? It depends on the shop from my experience. This was a proper piercing shop, that would not use piercing guns (those things should be illegal).
Load More Replies...
40
43