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30 Questions About Pregnancy That People Had No Business Asking
Pregnancy can be, and often is, one of the most exciting and demanding periods in a woman’s life. It’s an incredibly puzzling time when they are regularly bombarded by morning sickness, mood swings, and hormonal cravings for pickles and ice cream at 3 AM in the morning. On top of that, they witness firsthand how quickly their relatives, coworkers, and even complete strangers forget how to treat them as ordinary human beings.
You see, the bigger the belly bump gets, the more insulting questions, body commentary, and unsolicited advice come their way. So user Kbasa12 decided to reach out to the women of Ask Reddit and find out about the most inappropriate things people have ever asked about their pregnancy.
Many expectant moms were quick to air their grievances and share how many times they've heard "I bet it’s twins" or "you couldn't possibly get any bigger!" So get ready to read how out-of-touch people can be because we at Bored Panda have collected some of the most surprising stories from the thread. Continue scrolling and if you have anything similar to share, be sure to tell us about it in the comments!
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#1
At 7 months pregnant, my wife was in a grocery store, when a woman we do not know walked up, placed her hand on my wife's baby bump and said, "How precious, you feel like about 7 months pregnant." My wife cannot stand being touched, unbidden, by strangers. So she smiled, grabbed the woman's [private parts] and replied, "You feel like about a B cup." And they parted ways without another word, "B Cup" standing there aghast and stammering. I love my wife.
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#2
I have some disabilities (I can't walk without a stick or crutch), but lead as normal a life as possible. I'm currently 36 weeks pregnant, so it's pretty obvious, but as soon as I started to show I have been asked more than once whether someone 'like me' should be having a baby (None of my issues are hereditary, we made sure of that before conceiving). I've been questioned about if I'm taking any medication, then told I'm going to give birth to a crippled/deformed monster as I'm still on some (as soon as I conceived I saw my doctor and stopped any meds that would cause issues). I've also had people express surprise that I'm capable of [intimacy], or that my husband wanted it with me.
Most people would never ask someone intrusive questions about their health situation or touch them without permission. But pregnancy seems to be an exception because fielding invasive remarks and uninvited opinions is almost inevitable when you're expecting. While raising nosy questions could be understandable due to our curious nature as human beings, they sometimes cross the line from being pleasant to downright judgmental.
To find out why some people feel the right to announce inappropriate remarks and how best to handle them, we reached out to Melinda Delisle, a clinical nutritionist, researcher, and healthy pregnancy coach for pregnant people who want to feel confident in their decisions. She is also the founder of the Confident Pregnancy website where she guides expectant parents on the best actions for their pregnancy.
#3
My SIL texted my husband out of the blue asking if I was pregnant. I was only 8 weeks and my husband and I agreed that we weren’t going to tell anybody until I was out of my first trimester, so this put him in an awkward position. He decided to go ahead and tell her the truth because he didn’t want to lie to her. Meanwhile, I was furious because now this was no longer just between my husband and I, and I was angry because she was so incredibly nosy. This all happened while I was at work. When I get home, my husband tells me the rest of the story. Now, my SIL works at a local bank, which I happened to have an account at. While she was at work, she decided to look up my account to see if I had changed my last name to my husband’s yet (we were recently married). While she was on my account she looked at what I had recently purchased and saw a bunch of baby related purchases. THIS is why she asked him out of nowhere. I. AM. FURIOUS. My husband and I were both incredibly angry with her, and she didn’t understand why because she “didn’t do it on purpose.” Are you kidding me? Needless to say, I stopped using the account closed it immediately. She also felt the need to ask him if we knew I was pregnant before we got married, and if that was why we got married. Seriously. The AUDACITY of this woman to invade my privacy like that and think she did nothing wrong!
#4
I'm the father, but my wife had two miscarriages in a row. In the mean time, many friends had babies. We would always get comments like "when are you going to have kids?" Or, "it's so easy, we got pregnant the first month we stopped birth control". Thankfully we now have a healthy baby boy, but I learned never to question young couples (or anyone for that matter). You never know if people are having difficulties or what they are going through.
Delisle told Bored Panda there could be multiple reasons people raise these uncomfortable and even rude questions. First, some genuinely believe they could help with their beneficial knowledge but lack the understanding that pregnant people deserve just as much respect and autonomy as anyone else, she argued.
"I am rather ashamed to admit that I used to be in that camp. When I was a young childbirth educator and doula in my 20s, I thought that every pregnant belly was an invitation to share — or at least offer to share — my expertise. Fortunately, I eventually realized that I was very out of line," Delisle revealed.
#5
Not the pregnant one, but when my sister was pregnant with my niece someone asked her what position she had [intimacy] in and then said that the position would decide the gender of the child. When my sister refused to answer them they decided to get angry and shout that they hoped it was stillborn. Before this my sister had had 4 miscarriages. She was heartbroken and so angry.
#6
Not me, nor anyone I’ve known, but I was listening to the radio one day and the hosts were talking about how they overheard these old ladies talking about a pregnant woman behind her back. They were saying s*** like, “Ugh, look at how big she is. Back in our day, we would try to hide it, not show it to the world.” These old ladies were fat shaming a pregnant woman. How f**ked up is that.
The clinical nutritionist explained that curiosity also plays a role simply because pregnancy is a different experience for some individuals out there, "and many people just don’t know how to deal with it and want to know more."
Another reason could be feelings of discomfort and fear. "Depending on someone’s own beliefs about pregnancy, they may be uncomfortable or have negative associations or even personal trauma that gets triggered around the idea of pregnancy and birth," she said and mentioned this could lead to saying things we would usually not say.
#7
Not while I was pregnant, but our son was only a few months old when I started getting asked, "so when are you having baby number two?" People would react so strangely when either my husband or I would say we weren't having anymore kids... Either we'd get, "but you have to give him [our son] a little brother!" or they'd be dismissive, "oh you'll have another one eventually, just give it time." The worst was when people I didn't even know that well (or at all) would demand to know why not. It's not a conversation I really wanted to have with complete strangers, I didn't want to have to tell them I almost died to have the child we do have, and would be putting my life at a huge risk if we tried to have a second. Besides, that's not something you should go around asking people anyways... for all they know I could have had multiple miscarriages and our son was a miracle IVF baby (that's not what happened, but for all they knew, it could have been.) A conversation like that could have been very upsetting for a couple struggling with fertility issues, and it's definitely too personal to discuss with someone you barely know.
#8
I was talking about morning sickness with someone at work and I mentioned that I hadn't had any yet. Well, that person said, 'My sister's doctor said morning sickness is a good sign. Since you haven't had it, your baby will probably be deformed
#9
My husband moaning at me because pregnancy hormones made my skin breakout in acne. He told me to see a doctor who said "This is caused by pregnancy. He's your husband, it's his baby and he should be more understanding." Honestly, he showed his true colours once I was married to him and pregnant.
As you’re reading through these stories, it may be hard to believe how entitled some people are about blatantly sharing their unsolicited opinions. "I honestly believe that most people either don’t realize the questions or comments are inappropriate, are acting out of their own emotional triggers or discomfort, or think that they are being helpful," Delisle said and added this still does not change the fact that it is disrespectful and puts the pregnant person in a very uncomfortable situation.
"No matter what the reason is for people asking these kinds of questions (or even the dreaded question/action of touching someone’s pregnant belly), it can evoke … anxiety, nervousness, fear, frustration, irritation, and even anger," she added. So even when the things people voice aloud might be helpful, it can make pregnant people feel uneasy or even obliged to listen to their observations.
#10
This isn't really about my pregnancy but I thought it was relevant. I was like 8 months pregnant and wearing a old t shirt that said "today is a good day to leave me alone". Some old bitty came up to me and told me I shouldn't be allowed to wear that shirt while in my condition. Besides that I didn't have any weird experiences
#11
After we lost our first baby in the first trimester we ended up having a d&c done. The procedure failed and I was left bleeding badly for almost 3 months. My doctor either didn't believe me or thought that things would get better on their own. I don't know why I didn't just go find another doctor. I was depressed and already so defeated but I did keep calling their office and complaining. Finally they sent me in for an ultrasound. The tech just says, "Wow. There's a lot of stuff in there!" Like ya, it used to be my baby. Now it's just stuff. Okay. Doc has me back in for an quick in-office procedure to try to remove all the "stuff." She didn't get everything. I end up passing the rest of our baby/placenta myself about a month later. Healed up fine with time and lots of support from my amazing husband. We now have a feisty/joyful toddler and another baby on the way. We see a different doctor and I'm a bit more savvy about sticking up for myself.
#12
At swimming lessons a guy was asking me about when the baby was due and whether I had other children and then asked me whether they were all by the same father. [why?] how is that relevant and how is it any of your business?!
The fact is, most expectant moms hear ridiculous and insulting remarks way more often than you'd think and it can be hard for them to know how to respond. Fortunately, there are ways to set healthy boundaries to curb some of the unwanted opinions. Delisle told us it is ultimately up to the pregnant person to decide if they want to engage, and how much: "Sometimes, ignoring the comment or question may feel best and be easiest. Sometimes that is impossible, though, either because someone is insistent or because the conversation is already in process."
She suggested some ways to express boundaries: "Stand up straight, using a strong posture. Look the other person in the eye when you respond. Having a strong presence helps cut the conversation shorter." Moreover, you can think of a few razor-sharp comebacks in advance, such as "I prefer to keep that private," "I have my information sources all set, thanks," or "would you ask your mother that?"
#13
i'm not a pregnant woman, but my mom told me that after she had me, she had people telling her that she "took the easy way" out by having a c-section, despite the fact that my heart rate was going down and i would've died if she had given birth to me the natural way.
#14
Someone asked me exactly how we conceived twins, since they don't run in either of our families. They said we must have done IVF. So I replied, 'Nope, we had [intimacy]. A lot.
#15
Not me, as im a man, but i once overheard a conversation that was kind of crazy. So one guy was talking to a couple, i dont know if they knew each other but i assumed they just met and just started talking, because they didnt seem to be friends. Anyway, single guy procceeds to ask if they were swingers, because he likes to [darn] pregnant woman. The boyfriend got [angry] and the single guy tried to explain himself: "but you can [darn] my wife while i [darn] yours! Please i didnt have [intimacy] with a preggo since we had our first child!". I guess hes lucky he didnt get punched in thr face for it.
Plus, you can always have an excuse ready: "You can say something like, 'What time is it? Sorry – I need to get going.' Or look at your phone and pretend that you got a text that you have to go take care of or call someone back. Or use the easiest (and probably accurate) pregnancy excuse: 'Please excuse me – I need to go to the restroom.'"
#16
I told a coworker I was pregnant, and he said, 'Great — just what we need! Another woman in your department going out on maternity leave!'
#17
This lady I worked with figured out when I conceived from my expected due date. It was within a week of my birthday. She then told everyone in our office that I got pregnant for my birthday. It was super awkward. I was also asked repeatedly if we were going to circumcise our son. Like why are you f****** asking me about our son’s [private parts]? Why is that anyone’s business?
#18
I had to see a maternal fetal medicine specialist who told me he'd recommend this be my last pregnancy, but to get an IUD not a tubal ligation because when I get divorced, I'll want to have a baby with my new man. Never met me before.... I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and started to say something like "God forbid, but i suppose something could happen to my husband," he cut me off to say "divorce is more likely". I was more than a little upset with that assessment..... More because, either there is a medical necessity to only have 2 pregnancies or there isn't, than his divorce comments, but still....
Needless to say, confronting people and things that make you uncomfortable can create even more discomfort. But we hope you can find a way that works for you to address unwanted comments about your pregnancy. The more you do it, the more at ease you will be in informing people about your boundaries.
To those encountering someone pregnant, you might now feel anxious about saying anything to an expectant mom at all. "If you want to say or ask something, first ask yourself how you would feel if a stranger said that to you. If you are not sure, don’t say it. Understand that not everyone has the same comfort level around sharing that you might," Delisle advised.
#19
I had difficulty gaining weight when I was pregnant due to severe morning sickness. I had an acquaintance tell me that my baby was going to be malnourished and sickly since I didn’t gain enough weight. That really upset me since I was already worried about that possibility. The baby ended up being average weight and healthy.
#20
Not asked but a friend of mine who was a nurse went on to list the gazillions of things that could be wrong with my baby. Anyone who's been pregnant could tell you that when you're not sleeping anymore and hormonal that's the last thing you need to hear to add to your anxiety. The best part is I posted this a few months ago in response to a similar question and was told to "grow up" by some ignorant Reddit troll lol.
#21
I was asked several times what [intimacy] position I conceived in. Someone even asked me that in front of my mother!
However, you probably can’t go wrong with a genuine "congratulations" followed by “how are you feeling?”, with emphasis on you. After all, it always works to listen, respond accordingly, and let the pregnant person steer the conversation. And if you see a stranger out in public who looks pregnant and feel this overwhelming urge to ask them something, "I would suggest giving them a nice, genuine smile. That is almost always appropriate," Delisle concluded.
#22
"Was this planned?" no because we were both sure we weren't able to reproduce. We wanted our baby so badly and fought like f****** h**l to get her here at full term completely healthy. She's so beautiful We love her so much
#23
A guy once catcalled my wife, and when she turned around and he saw she was pregnant, he said, 'Well, I guess it's safe to say you put out'
#25
My favorite was when a customer came into my store, saw that I was pregnant, and said, 'I hope you're married'
#26
When my wife was pregnant, an ex-colleague of mine told us she really liked to hug pregnant women from behind, stroke their bump, and pretend it was hers.
#27
If I was having triplets... no, I am just fat with twins. Oh wow, you’re huge! Thanks a*sh*le
#28
i was pregnant as a teen, so i guess people thought basic rules of etiquette don't matter with "the youngins" and i got a lot of really over the line comments, including two separate people who questioned me about my condom usage during my previous "encounters" that led to the pregnancy and what my birth control usage would be in the future to avoid further irresponsible "accidents".
#29
Someone asked my boyfriend in front of me if my [private part] felt different during pregnancy [intimacy]
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